1. D'Copy !req
2. Is there nothing so intoxicatingCopy !req
3. as the school hallway
at early morn?Copy !req
4. School normally
doesn't smell so rank.Copy !req
5. Washbasin fresh.Copy !req
6. That funk must be coming
from one of the classrooms.Copy !req
7. Poor fellow.Copy !req
8. Crushed by his own water bottle.Copy !req
9. Willie, sometime
over the holiday weekendCopy !req
10. the beloved grade four gerbil...Copy !req
11. Super Dude, lost his life.Copy !req
12. I need you to air out
the classroom and giveCopy !req
13. Super Dude a proper burial.Copy !req
14. Yeah, you're lucky you're
getting a decent burial.Copy !req
15. Me own father
got thrown in the bog.Copy !req
16. What in the name of
Saint Ephisiocritus?Copy !req
17. Yuck, what reeks?Copy !req
18. Smells like one of Van Houten's.Copy !req
19. It does not.Copy !req
20. Miss Hoover,
the floor is shaking.Copy !req
21. Ralph, remember the time
you thought the...Copy !req
22. Now, before we adjourn,
gentlemen, I haveCopy !req
23. one last matter
of utmost importance.Copy !req
24. I need to send this parcelCopy !req
25. with the profit projections
to Pete Porter in PasadenaCopy !req
26. and it absolutely positivelyCopy !req
27. has to be there overnight.Copy !req
28. - Pete Porter. Pass it on.
- Pasadena, promptly.Copy !req
29. Package to parcel
processing, pronto.Copy !req
30. Profoundly pressing package of
power plant profit projectionsCopy !req
31. for Pete Porter in Pasadena.Copy !req
32. - Priority?
- Precisely.Copy !req
33. Here's your package,
Mr. Burns!Copy !req
34. My name is the return address,
you senseless dunderpate.Copy !req
35. Smithers, who
is this nincompoop?Copy !req
36. I've worked here for ten yearsCopy !req
37. and my boss doesn't
even know my name.Copy !req
38. Well, that's going
to change right now!Copy !req
39. My name is Homer J. Simp...Copy !req
40. Son.Copy !req
41. Sounded large when I ordered it.Copy !req
42. I can't make hide nor hair
of these metric booby traps.Copy !req
43. My Lord!Copy !req
44. Such destruction.Copy !req
45. Superintendent Chalmers!Copy !req
46. - How are you going?
- Why is it when I heardCopy !req
47. the word "school"
And the word "exploded"Copy !req
48. I immediately thought
of the word "Skinner"!Copy !req
49. Congratulations, gentlemen,
your custodian struck oil.Copy !req
50. You're standing on top of
the richest elementary schoolCopy !req
51. in the state.Copy !req
52. He also found this.Copy !req
53. Thank you, Super Dude.Copy !req
54. A non-profit organization
with oil?Copy !req
55. I won't allow it.Copy !req
56. An oil well doesn't
belong in the handsCopy !req
57. of Betsy Bleedingheart
and Maynard G. Muskeyvote.Copy !req
58. Sir, have you had enoughCopy !req
59. exercise for this morning?Copy !req
60. No.Copy !req
61. Let's go another 20 miles.Copy !req
62. Hello, Lenny, Carl, Guillermo.Copy !req
63. Hello...Copy !req
64. Um, um...Copy !req
65. Don't take it so hard, Homer.Copy !req
66. He's always screwing
up people's names.Copy !req
67. Yeah, at the picnic
he thought my son RenaldoCopy !req
68. was my son Rolando.Copy !req
69. Can you believe that?Copy !req
70. Superintendent,
we made the front page today.Copy !req
71. What's that say
under your hand there?Copy !req
72. It's an unrelated article.Copy !req
73. It's an unrelated article?Copy !req
74. Within the banner headline?Copy !req
75. Yes. Now to redirect
our conversation slightly,Copy !req
76. I had a few ideas on how
to spend this oil money.Copy !req
77. Well, we could give each studentCopy !req
78. a full college scholarship.Copy !req
79. Mercy...Copy !req
80. Seriously, though,
before we draw up the budgetCopy !req
81. I believe the students
and faculty haveCopy !req
82. a few suggestions.Copy !req
83. I want a crystal bucket
for my slopwater.Copy !req
84. And a brand new filthy blanket.Copy !req
85. The cafeteria staffCopy !req
86. is complaining about
the mice in the kitchen.Copy !req
87. I want to hire a new staff.Copy !req
88. I'd like to start a jazz program
for the music department.Copy !req
89. We've got a really great
instructor lined up.Copy !req
90. Tito Puente!Copy !req
91. He's ready to give up
the drudgeryCopy !req
92. of the professional
mambo circuitCopy !req
93. and settle into a nice
teaching job.Copy !req
94. Man, it would be my pleasure!Copy !req
95. Lisa has told me
all your studentsCopy !req
96. are as bright and dedicated
to jazz as she is.Copy !req
97. Let's go now, Mr. Puente.Copy !req
98. Chocolate microscopes.Copy !req
99. You know those guitars
that are, like,Copy !req
100. double guitars, you know?Copy !req
101. More rubber stamps.Copy !req
102. Principal Skinner,
this is your secretary.Copy !req
103. There is one last student
here to see you.Copy !req
104. That's odd.
I don't have a secretaryCopy !req
105. or an intercom, but send him in.Copy !req
106. Ahoy, there, Dean.Copy !req
107. I understand you're taking
suggestions from students?Copy !req
108. Well, me and
my fourth form chumsCopy !req
109. think it would be quite corkingCopy !req
110. if you'd sign over your oil well
to the local energy concern.Copy !req
111. Mr. Burns...Copy !req
112. It was naive of you
to think I would mistakeCopy !req
113. this town's most prominent
104-year-old manCopy !req
114. for one of my
elementary school students.Copy !req
115. I want that oil well.Copy !req
116. I've got a monopoly to maintain.Copy !req
117. I own the electric company
and the water worksCopy !req
118. plus the hotel on Baltic Avenue.Copy !req
119. That hotel's a dump, and
your monopoly's pathetic.Copy !req
120. The school's oil well
is not for saleCopy !req
121. particularly to a black-hearted
scoundrel like yourself!Copy !req
122. I see.Copy !req
123. Then I'll just have to...
attack you!Copy !req
124. I must have that oil.Copy !req
125. Smithers, help me subdue this...Copy !req
126. beast.Copy !req
127. Sorry, sir,
this is all I could find.Copy !req
128. Take that!
And that!Copy !req
129. Please don't waste those.Copy !req
130. I'm happy for the school.Copy !req
131. It sounds like this money
is gonna provideCopy !req
132. a lot of new opportunities.Copy !req
133. Big deal.Copy !req
134. They didn't approve my idea.
They said it was unfeasible.Copy !req
135. It is unfeasible to
resurrect the dead, Bart,Copy !req
136. and even if
the Three Stooges were aliveCopy !req
137. I doubt they'd want
to hang around with you.Copy !req
138. Yeah. I guess they'd
probably want to beCopy !req
139. with their families
or something?Copy !req
140. I hate my job.Copy !req
141. I mean, what's the point
when your bossCopy !req
142. doesn't even remember your name?Copy !req
143. - I have an idea.
- What? What's your idea?Copy !req
144. When my father was first trying
to catch my mother's eyeCopy !req
145. he sent her a box of candy
with his photo in it.Copy !req
146. After that,
she never forgot him.Copy !req
147. That's all well and goodCopy !req
148. but it's not really your idea,
is it now, Marge?Copy !req
149. That's it.Copy !req
150. Fumble about with
your widgets and do-bobs.Copy !req
151. It'll all be
a monument to futilityCopy !req
152. when my plan comes to fruition.Copy !req
153. Sir...Copy !req
154. what I'm about to say violatesCopy !req
155. every sycophantic urge
in my bodyCopy !req
156. but I wish you would reconsider.Copy !req
157. This isn't a rival company
you're battling with.Copy !req
158. It's a school.
People won't stand for it.Copy !req
159. Pish-posh.Copy !req
160. It will be like taking candy
from a baby.Copy !req
161. Say, that sounds like a larf.Copy !req
162. Let's try it right now.Copy !req
163. There's some candy
right here, sir.Copy !req
164. Why don't we eat this
instead of stealing?Copy !req
165. Very well.Copy !req
166. Look, there's a photo in here.Copy !req
167. Yes.
I believe that's littleCopy !req
168. Maggie Simpson,
the baby who foundCopy !req
169. my precious teddy bear, Bobo.Copy !req
170. And that Simpson mutt.Copy !req
171. My former guard dog.Copy !req
172. Ooh, and that's Bart Simpson.Copy !req
173. He was my heir for a
brief period, you know?Copy !req
174. Yes, sir.
I remember.Copy !req
175. Anything left?Copy !req
176. Only the sour quince log, sir.Copy !req
177. Ew. Dispose of it.Copy !req
178. And send a thank you noteCopy !req
179. to Marge, Bart, Lisa
and Maggie Simpson.Copy !req
180. Today Springfield Elementary
embarks on a new era...Copy !req
181. An era of unbridled spendingCopy !req
182. where petrodollars will fuelCopy !req
183. our wildest
educational fantasies.Copy !req
184. These young minds will enjoy
every academic advantageCopy !req
185. till they enter
Springfield High SchoolCopy !req
186. which has no oil well.Copy !req
187. We got an air hockey table.Copy !req
188. Fine. Now to switch on
our oil pumpCopy !req
189. for the very first time,Copy !req
190. here's our top student,
Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
191. Nerd!Copy !req
192. There's no pressure!Copy !req
193. Someone else
has tapped this well.Copy !req
194. Ay caramba!Copy !req
195. Soon that mighty apparatusCopy !req
196. will burst forth with
its precious fluid.Copy !req
197. Almost sexual,
isn't it, Smithers?Copy !req
198. Meh.Copy !req
199. Oil ho!Copy !req
200. Huzzah!Copy !req
201. Whoa!Copy !req
202. Holy Christmas!Copy !req
203. Your dog's condition has been
upgraded from stable to frisky.Copy !req
204. And he's free to go.Copy !req
205. His legs should be as good
as new in a few months.Copy !req
206. In the meantime,
he'll have to useCopy !req
207. the wheelabout.Copy !req
208. I'll get even with whoever
did this to you, boy.Copy !req
209. I swear it.Copy !req
210. Whoops.
Almost forgot.Copy !req
211. Wouldn't want you gnawing
on those casts, boy?Copy !req
212. Ha ha!Copy !req
213. Ha ha.Copy !req
214. I'm afraid
we've got no legal recourseCopy !req
215. against Mr. Burns and his
slant drilling operation.Copy !req
216. The oil belongs
to whoever pumped it first.Copy !req
217. What about all
the expensive stuff we wanted?Copy !req
218. - Can we still have it?
- No.Copy !req
219. - Blast it!
- In fact,Copy !req
220. to pay for the construction
and operationCopy !req
221. and demolition
of our new derrickCopy !req
222. the school will
have to eliminateCopy !req
223. all nonessential programs...Copy !req
224. - Music...
- What?Copy !req
225. And maintenance.Copy !req
226. I'll kill that Mr. Burns!Copy !req
227. And... wound that Mr. Smithers.Copy !req
228. Guh, out of my way!Copy !req
229. No,
that's awful, Mr. Puente.Copy !req
230. What?Copy !req
231. He owns the nuclear power plant.Copy !req
232. Yeah, I'd like to settle
his hash too.Copy !req
233. Dad, how can you work
for a man like Mr. Burns?Copy !req
234. Well, he's not all bad.Copy !req
235. He did send me
this nice thank-you card.Copy !req
236. "Marge, Bart,
Lisa and Maggie."Copy !req
237. Dad, this doesn't have
your name on it.Copy !req
238. Kids, would you
step outside for a second?Copy !req
239. F...Copy !req
240. Dear Lord, that's the loudest
profanity I've ever heard.Copy !req
241. These fumes aren't
as fun as beer.Copy !req
242. Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseousCopy !req
243. but where's the inflated
sense of self-esteem?Copy !req
244. Hey, if you guys are
getting loaded off them fumes,Copy !req
245. I'm gonna have to charge you.Copy !req
246. Man alive,
there are men alive in here.Copy !req
247. I'm detecting over 20
different toxins in the air.Copy !req
248. All right, everybody out.Copy !req
249. As long as Burns is pumping oil,
this bar is closed.Copy !req
250. Damn Burns.Copy !req
251. Let me just get one thing.Copy !req
252. Me, too.Copy !req
253. Now there's the inflated
sense of self-esteem.Copy !req
254. Earthquake!Copy !req
255. Nurse.Copy !req
256. - Nurse.
- Nurse!Copy !req
257. Well, sir, you've certainly
vanquished all your enemies...Copy !req
258. The elementary school,
the local tavernCopy !req
259. the old age home.Copy !req
260. You must be very proud.Copy !req
261. No, not while my
greatest nemesisCopy !req
262. still provides our customersCopy !req
263. with free light,
heat and energy.Copy !req
264. I call this enemy the sun.Copy !req
265. Since the beginning of timeCopy !req
266. man has yearned
to destroy the sun.Copy !req
267. I will do the next best thing...Copy !req
268. Block it out.Copy !req
269. Good God!Copy !req
270. Imagine it, Smithers.Copy !req
271. Electrical lights and heaters
running all day long.Copy !req
272. But sir, every plant
and tree will die.Copy !req
273. Owls will deafen us
with incessant hooting.Copy !req
274. The town sundial
will be useless.Copy !req
275. I don't want any part
of this project.Copy !req
276. It's unconscionably fiendish.Copy !req
277. I will not suffer
your insubordination!Copy !req
278. There has been
a shocking declineCopy !req
279. in the quality and quantity
of your toadying, Wayland.Copy !req
280. And you will fall into line.Copy !req
281. Now!Copy !req
282. No. No, Monty, I won't.Copy !req
283. Not until you step back
from the brink of insanity.Copy !req
284. I'll do no such thing.Copy !req
285. You're fired.Copy !req
286. Take that, Bowlarama.Copy !req
287. Take that, convenience mart.Copy !req
288. Take that, nuclear power pl...Copy !req
289. Fiddlesticks.Copy !req
290. I must say Mr. Burns is
being awfully inconsiderate.Copy !req
291. Selfish even.Copy !req
292. Burns needs some serious
boost-a-fazoo right, Dad?Copy !req
293. Dad?Copy !req
294. Homer!Copy !req
295. Sorry, Grandpa. It's just
that for a second,Copy !req
296. it looked like Dad had melted.Copy !req
297. Well, get used to it,
'cause I'm living here now.Copy !req
298. I ain't going back
to the retirement homeCopy !req
299. until they fish my bed
out of that sinkhole.Copy !req
300. Strained carrots for Maggie.Copy !req
301. Strained carrots for Grandpa.Copy !req
302. I want a bib, too.Copy !req
303. Smithers, who is that ignoramus?Copy !req
304. Smithers, who is
that lallygagger?Copy !req
305. Who is that blubber pot?Copy !req
306. Who is that baffle wit?Copy !req
307. Lummox, puddinghead,
limp noodle.Copy !req
308. Drizzlepuss.
Fumbleface.Copy !req
309. Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
310. Look out!Copy !req
311. What?Copy !req
312. Just a minute.Copy !req
313. Who the devil are you?Copy !req
314. Homer Simpson.Copy !req
315. What are you talking about?
Make sense, man.Copy !req
316. Homer Simpson!
Shut up!Copy !req
317. I can't understand
a word you're saying.Copy !req
318. - Homer Simpson!
- You're just babbling incoherently.Copy !req
319. My name is Homer Simpson!Copy !req
320. You're a dead man, Burns.
You're dead.Copy !req
321. You're dead, Burns!Copy !req
322. Hey, the lamp's running away.Copy !req
323. That's my dog, man.Copy !req
324. So long, lamp.Copy !req
325. Now, stop loafing and
help your grandpa unpack.Copy !req
326. Wow!Copy !req
327. That's my old Smith & Wesson.Copy !req
328. If you're going to play with itCopy !req
329. be careful 'cause it's loaded.Copy !req
330. Aah!
Bart, put that down!Copy !req
331. Guns are very dangerous.Copy !req
332. And I won't have
them in this house.Copy !req
333. How can you have a house
without a gun?Copy !req
334. What if a bear
came through the door?Copy !req
335. I'm going to bury it in the yardCopy !req
336. where little
hands can't get to it.Copy !req
337. You should have
fired into the air.Copy !req
338. She would have run off.Copy !req
339. People, take it easy.Copy !req
340. We're all upset
about Mr. Burns' planCopy !req
341. to block out our sun.Copy !req
342. It is time for decisive action.Copy !req
343. I have here a polite
but firm letterCopy !req
344. to Mr. Burns' underlingsCopy !req
345. who, with some cajoling,
will pass it along to himCopy !req
346. or at least give him
the gist of it.Copy !req
347. Sir, a lot of people
are stroking guns.Copy !req
348. Also, it has been brought
to my attentionCopy !req
349. that a number of you
are stroking guns.Copy !req
350. Therefore, I will step aside
and open up the floor.Copy !req
351. Mr. Burns was the closest
thing I ever had to a...Copy !req
352. friend.Copy !req
353. But he fired me.Copy !req
354. And now I spend my daysCopy !req
355. drinking cheap scotch
and watching Comedy Central.Copy !req
356. Dear God.Copy !req
357. It's not that bad.Copy !req
358. I never miss
"Pardon My Zinger."Copy !req
359. Burns cost me my groundskeeping
job at the schoolCopy !req
360. and I'm too superstitious to
take the one at the cemetery.Copy !req
361. 'Cause of him,
I lost my room, my things,Copy !req
362. and my buddy's collection
of old sunbathing magazines.Copy !req
363. You bastard.Copy !req
364. I lost my bar!Copy !req
365. I lost his bar!Copy !req
366. He robbed the school of music!Copy !req
367. He robbed the school
of financial security!Copy !req
368. He robbed the school of Tito!Copy !req
369. He can't remember my name!Copy !req
370. He's causing us all to yell!Copy !req
371. Look what he did
to my best friend.Copy !req
372. Wha...?Copy !req
373. No. My dog.Copy !req
374. Those wheels
are squeaking a bit.Copy !req
375. Perhaps I could sell him
a little oil.Copy !req
376. You twisted old monster!Copy !req
377. I've decided to protect myselfCopy !req
378. ever since
I was attacked in my officeCopy !req
379. by an unidentified assailant.Copy !req
380. D'Copy !req
381. Arr!
Burns, your scurvy schemesCopy !req
382. will earn ye a one-way passage
to the boneyard.Copy !req
383. I'd like to hear
from Sideshow Mel.Copy !req
384. I'll see to it
that Mr. Burns suffersCopy !req
385. the infernal machinations
of hell's grim tyrant.Copy !req
386. Yeah.Copy !req
387. Ooh, you all talk bigCopy !req
388. but who here
has the guts to stop me?Copy !req
389. Very well.Copy !req
390. One last question...Copy !req
391. Have you ever seen
the sun set at 3 p.m.?Copy !req
392. Ay. Once, when I was
sailing around the arctic...Copy !req
393. Shut up, you.Copy !req
394. Take one last look
at the sun, Springfield.Copy !req
395. Hey, hey!Copy !req
396. I've been in Reno for six weeks.Copy !req
397. Did I miss anything?Copy !req
398. What the...Copy !req
399. Eternal darkness.Copy !req
400. Well, that's just great.Copy !req
401. Listen, someone's got
to get that Mr. Burns.Copy !req
402. Where's a gun-toting lowlife
when you need one?Copy !req
403. Sorry.
I was in the can.Copy !req
404. Perpetual twilightCopy !req
405. bathed in the glow of
Burns' brand electricity.Copy !req
406. Hello, lamppost.Copy !req
407. What you knowing?Copy !req
408. I've come to watch
your power flowing.Copy !req
409. That's odd. Mr. Smithers
left his jacket behind.Copy !req
410. Whoa, that's odd.Copy !req
411. Principal Skinner
left his mother behind.Copy !req
412. That's odd.Copy !req
413. Where's Homer and Bart
and Lisa and Grandpa?Copy !req
414. After all these yearsCopy !req
415. things are finally
starting to go my way.Copy !req
416. I feel like celebrating.Copy !req
417. I... It's you.Copy !req
418. What are you so happy about?Copy !req
419. I see.Copy !req
420. Well, I think you'd
better drop it.Copy !req
421. I said drop it!Copy !req
422. Get your hands off...Copy !req
423. Where is everybody?Copy !req
424. Hey, man, are you okay?Copy !req
425. I won't...Copy !req
426. dignify that...Copy !req
427. with a response.Copy !req
428. Mr. Burns has been shot.Copy !req
429. Just a minute.Copy !req
430. This isn't
Mr. Burns at all.Copy !req
431. It's a mask.Copy !req
432. Wait. It is Burns.Copy !req
433. His wrinkly skin
looks like a mask.Copy !req
434. I don't think we'll
ever know who did this.Copy !req
435. Everyone in town's a suspect.Copy !req
436. Well, I couldn't possibly
solve this mystery.Copy !req
437. Can you?Copy !req
438. Yeah, I'll give it a shot.Copy !req
439. I mean, you know,
it's my job, right?Copy !req
440. Shh!Copy !req
441. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req