1. D'Copy !req
2. Aah!Copy !req
3. Lisa, will you keep it down?Copy !req
4. I'm making a crank phone call
to Principal Skinner.Copy !req
5. Well, as a matter of fact,
my refrigerator wasn't running.Copy !req
6. You've spared me
quite a bit of spoilage.Copy !req
7. - Thank you, anonymous young man.
- D'Copy !req
8. It's my room
and I can do what I want.Copy !req
9. Yeah?Copy !req
10. Well, I can do what
I want in my room.Copy !req
11. Bart, quit it!Copy !req
12. I can keep this up all day.Copy !req
13. Lisa, stop the racket.Copy !req
14. I'm trying to fix
your mother's camera.Copy !req
15. Now, easy, easy...Copy !req
16. I'm gonna need a bigger drill.Copy !req
17. My, these seas are
certainly heaving.Copy !req
18. Well, no more than your
bountiful bosom, milady.Copy !req
19. Does that earring
mean you're a pirate?Copy !req
20. Kinda.Copy !req
21. The seas have quieted.Copy !req
22. And only in the sweet
embrace of quietudeCopy !req
23. can two lovers truly be...Copy !req
24. Ooh, such noise.Copy !req
25. Well, I'm done for the evening.Copy !req
26. Lisa, stop blowing my sex...Copy !req
27. I mean, stop blowing your sax.Copy !req
28. Your sax, stop it.Copy !req
29. Mom, I'm auditioningCopy !req
30. for first chair
in the school band.Copy !req
31. And I've got to practice.Copy !req
32. I'm sorry, but I sacrificed
a very expensive cameraCopy !req
33. just to get some quiet time.Copy !req
34. Fine.
I'll play outside.Copy !req
35. Hey, why that sounds
like Gabriel's trumpet.Copy !req
36. You know that means, kids.Copy !req
37. Yay! Judgment day!Copy !req
38. 45 seconds till pencils down.Copy !req
39. Lisa, what's the answer
to number seven?Copy !req
40. Sorry, Ralph.Copy !req
41. That would defeat
the purpose of testingCopy !req
42. as a means
of student evaluation.Copy !req
43. My cat's name is Mittens.Copy !req
44. Three, two, one, and
that's pencils down.Copy !req
45. Now, here's an oral
extra credit question.Copy !req
46. What was Christopher ColumbusCopy !req
47. actually looking for
when he discovered America?Copy !req
48. Ooh, ooh!Copy !req
49. Anyone besides
Lisa for a change?Copy !req
50. Enh, enh, enh!Copy !req
51. Ralph, this better
not be about your cat.Copy !req
52. All right, Li...Copy !req
53. Columbus was looking
for a passage to India.Copy !req
54. Correct, Allison.Copy !req
55. And on your very
first day in our class.Copy !req
56. And during a subsequent voyage,Copy !req
57. Columbus found what is now
the continent of South America.Copy !req
58. Yowee.Copy !req
59. I never made
Miss Hoover "yowee."Copy !req
60. Hi, Allison.
I'm Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
61. It's great
to finally meet someoneCopy !req
62. who converses above
the normal eight-year-old level.Copy !req
63. Actually, I'm seven.Copy !req
64. I was just skipped aheadCopy !req
65. because I was getting bored
with the first grade.Copy !req
66. You're younger than me too?Copy !req
67. Are you hyperventilating?Copy !req
68. No. I just like
to smell my lunch.Copy !req
69. Gee, I never met anyone
who skipped a grade before.Copy !req
70. I'm surprised you
haven't been skipped.Copy !req
71. You're obviously smart enough.Copy !req
72. Well, I'm sure I could have,Copy !req
73. but I'd hate to leave behind
all my wonderful friends.Copy !req
74. Out of the way, brain queen.Copy !req
75. Hey, Sarah.Copy !req
76. Well, I got to go.Copy !req
77. I have to practice
for band auditions.Copy !req
78. Me, too. Hey, what
instrument do you play?Copy !req
79. The sax.Copy !req
80. Me, too.Copy !req
81. I'm going for
first chair this year.Copy !req
82. Me, too.Copy !req
83. Wow, with so much in common,Copy !req
84. I'm sure we'll be
the best of friends.Copy !req
85. Me, too.Copy !req
86. Me, too.Copy !req
87. Hurry up and finish eating.Copy !req
88. You're steering fine, boy.Copy !req
89. Hard to the right!
Hard to the left!Copy !req
90. Cat! Deer! Old man!Copy !req
91. Jackknifed sugar truck.Copy !req
92. Sugar?Copy !req
93. Don't worry, buddy.
Here's a quarter.Copy !req
94. Call for help
at the nearest phone.Copy !req
95. I'll keep an eye on things here.Copy !req
96. If only this sugar were
as sweet as you, sir.Copy !req
97. Homer, that was
downright decent of you.Copy !req
98. We hit the jackpot here!Copy !req
99. White gold, Texas tea...Copy !req
100. Sweetener.Copy !req
101. Dad, isn't this stealing?Copy !req
102. Read your town charter, boy.Copy !req
103. "If foodstuff
should touch the ground,Copy !req
104. said foodstuff shall be turned
over to the village idiot."Copy !req
105. Since I don't see him around,
start shoveling.Copy !req
106. - Mom?
- What? What?Copy !req
107. Why am I still rotting away
in the second gradeCopy !req
108. instead of being skipped ahead?Copy !req
109. I don't know, honey.Copy !req
110. I guess that's the school's
decision to make.Copy !req
111. Well, did you ever talk
to anyone at the school?Copy !req
112. Make a few calls on my behalf?Copy !req
113. Maybe you could have been "nicer"
to Principal Skinner,Copy !req
114. if you know what I mean.Copy !req
115. Lisa... I am nice.Copy !req
116. Homer, I really appreciate
you making dinner,Copy !req
117. but this food tastes
a little strange.Copy !req
118. It hurts my teeth.Copy !req
119. That's because
I've loaded it with sugar!Copy !req
120. Marge, our ship has come in.Copy !req
121. I found 500 pounds of sugar...
In the forest...Copy !req
122. That I'm going to sell
directly to the consumer,Copy !req
123. and all for a low, low price
of one dollar per pound.Copy !req
124. But the grocery store sells
sugar for 35 cents a pound.Copy !req
125. And it doesn't have nails
and broken glass in it.Copy !req
126. Those are prizes.Copy !req
127. Ooh, a blasting cap.Copy !req
128. It's your turn, Jimbo.Copy !req
129. Ooh!Copy !req
130. Someone's been
practicing over the summer.Copy !req
131. Welcome aboard.Copy !req
132. Yes!Copy !req
133. - Ooh!
! My lute!Copy !req
134. Lisa Simpson trying
for first chair saxophone.Copy !req
135. Very nice.
Now Allison Taylor,Copy !req
136. also trying for
first chair saxophone.Copy !req
137. This is a very
tough decision, girls.Copy !req
138. You're both very good.Copy !req
139. Well, I guess that
clinches that...Copy !req
140. That was a close one, Lisa,Copy !req
141. but you made it.Copy !req
142. I won first chair?Copy !req
143. No, you regained consciousness.Copy !req
144. Allison got first chair.Copy !req
145. It was just a dream.Copy !req
146. That was a close one, Lisa,Copy !req
147. but you made it.Copy !req
148. I won first chair?Copy !req
149. No, you regained consciousness.Copy !req
150. Allison got first chair.Copy !req
151. And believe me,
this is not a dream!Copy !req
152. I need help, Mom.
There's another girl at schoolCopy !req
153. who's smarter, younger, and
a better sax player than me.Copy !req
154. I feel so average.Copy !req
155. Well, you'll always be
number one to me.Copy !req
156. Hello!
Firstborn within earshot.Copy !req
157. I meant my number one girl.Copy !req
158. For crying...Copy !req
159. Honey, if you get
too competitive,Copy !req
160. you'll never be happy.Copy !req
161. No matter how good you are,Copy !req
162. there's always going to be
someone better than you.Copy !req
163. I always thought I had
the tallest hair.Copy !req
164. But that trip to Graceland
really opened my eyes.Copy !req
165. But she's better than meCopy !req
166. at everything
that makes me special.Copy !req
167. Believe me, honey,Copy !req
168. she's more scared of you
than you are of her.Copy !req
169. You're thinking of bears, Mom.Copy !req
170. Sugar man.Copy !req
171. Door-to-door sugar?Copy !req
172. Well, marvelous idea.Copy !req
173. What's that, Mother?Copy !req
174. I'm just talking
to the sugar man.Copy !req
175. Mother, I'm a big boy.Copy !req
176. I can do as I wish.
Excuse me.Copy !req
177. Thanks a lot, Simpson.
Now I'm grounded.Copy !req
178. Hey, Allison, what's
the answer to number nine?Copy !req
179. I can't tell you, Ralph.Copy !req
180. I can't tell you either, Ralph.Copy !req
181. Leave me alone.Copy !req
182. Brainiac!Copy !req
183. Nerd!Copy !req
184. You geekazoid!Copy !req
185. Leave me alone!Copy !req
186. That used to be
my face in the mud.Copy !req
187. I can't stand to see you
so miserable, Lis.Copy !req
188. Unless it's from a rubber
spider down your dress.Copy !req
189. Ooh, that gives me an idea.Copy !req
190. Note for later:Copy !req
191. Put rubber spider
down Lisa's dress.Copy !req
192. Hey, I know.
How about if I dig upCopy !req
193. some dirt on Allison?Copy !req
194. Remember how I got Milhouse's picture
on "America's Most Wanted?"Copy !req
195. There he is, on the monkey bars.Copy !req
196. Try to take him alive.Copy !req
197. No! Not again!Copy !req
198. I appreciate the offer,
but it goes againstCopy !req
199. every moral fiber in my body.Copy !req
200. Suit yourself.
If you change your mind, here is my card.Copy !req
201. I don't need a card.Copy !req
202. You live in the room next to me.Copy !req
203. Next year,
order fewer cards.Copy !req
204. And you didn't think
I'd make any money.Copy !req
205. I found a dollar while
I was waiting for the bus.Copy !req
206. While you were out
"earning" that dollar,Copy !req
207. you lost $40 by
not going to work.Copy !req
208. The plant called and said
if you don't come in tomorrow,Copy !req
209. don't bother coming in Monday.Copy !req
210. Woo-hoo!
A four-day weekend!Copy !req
211. Hey! I am above average.Copy !req
212. So what if Allison's
ahead of me.Copy !req
213. There's no shame
in being second.Copy !req
214. And now, Avis Rent-a-car
is proud to presentCopy !req
215. the second best band in America.Copy !req
216. Will you welcome Garfunkel,
Messina, Oates and LisaCopy !req
217. singing their number two hit
"Born to Runner-up."Copy !req
218. Why would they come
to our concert just to boo us?Copy !req
219. Lis, I did some checking
on this Allison character,Copy !req
220. and I know it's against
all your moral fibers...Copy !req
221. Give it to me.Copy !req
222. Hey, wait,
there's nothing bad here.Copy !req
223. Yep. She's clean as a bean.Copy !req
224. But I did tip off the feds
as to the whereaboutsCopy !req
225. of our good friend Milhouse.Copy !req
226. I'm telling you,
I didn't do anything.Copy !req
227. I don't care.Copy !req
228. Ouch! My glasses!Copy !req
229. I've got to stop being so petty.Copy !req
230. I should be Allison's friend,
not her competitor.Copy !req
231. I mean...Copy !req
232. she is a wonderful person.Copy !req
233. Way to go, Lis.Copy !req
234. I mean, why compete with someoneCopy !req
235. who's just gonna kick
your butt anyway?Copy !req
236. I prefer my phrasing.Copy !req
237. It's great of you
to come over, Lisa.Copy !req
238. I really want us to be friends.Copy !req
239. You're a wonderful person.Copy !req
240. Hi, Lisa, I'm Allison's father,
Professor Taylor.Copy !req
241. I've heard great things
about you.Copy !req
242. Really? I...Copy !req
243. Well, don't be modest,
I'm glad we have someoneCopy !req
244. who can join us
in our anagram games.Copy !req
245. We take proper names
and rearrange the lettersCopy !req
246. to form a description
of that person.Copy !req
247. Like, I don't know...Copy !req
248. Alec Guinness.Copy !req
249. Genuine class.Copy !req
250. Ho-ho, very good.Copy !req
251. All right, Lisa. Um...
Jeremy Irons.Copy !req
252. Jeremy's Iron.Copy !req
253. Well, that's very good
for a first try.Copy !req
254. You know what?Copy !req
255. I have a ball.Copy !req
256. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it.Copy !req
257. What's this?Copy !req
258. It's for the school
diorama competition.Copy !req
259. You're finished already?Copy !req
260. But the competition
isn't for weeks.Copy !req
261. Lisa, we're talking dioramas.
Who could wait?Copy !req
262. I chose "The Tell-Tale Heart,"
by Edgar Allan Poe.Copy !req
263. See, this is the bedroom
where the old man was murdered,Copy !req
264. and he's buried here
under the floorboards.Copy !req
265. And look, I used
an old metronomeCopy !req
266. to simulate the heartbeat
that drove the killer insane.Copy !req
267. Ha ha.
It's neat?Copy !req
268. It's great.Copy !req
269. It's really great.Copy !req
270. Heh heh.Copy !req
271. Got away from you?Copy !req
272. Well, you keep at it.Copy !req
273. Must... protect... sugar.Copy !req
274. Thieves everywhere...Copy !req
275. The strong
must protect the sweet.Copy !req
276. The sweet...Copy !req
277. Homer?Copy !req
278. In America,
first you get the sugar,Copy !req
279. then you get the power,
then you get the women.Copy !req
280. Homer!
Homer?Copy !req
281. - Wha-what?
- I want you to forgetCopy !req
282. about guarding
this stupid sugar.Copy !req
283. You're being
completely paranoid.Copy !req
284. Am I?Copy !req
285. Am I really?Copy !req
286. Aha!Copy !req
287. Hello.Copy !req
288. All right, pal.Copy !req
289. Where'd you get
the sugar for that tea?Copy !req
290. I nicked it when you
let your guard downCopy !req
291. for that split second.Copy !req
292. And I'd do it again.Copy !req
293. Good-bye.Copy !req
294. You see, Marge?
You see?Copy !req
295. Homer, when are you
going to give upCopy !req
296. this crazy sugar scheme?Copy !req
297. Never!Copy !req
298. Never, Marge.Copy !req
299. I can't live
the button-down life like you.Copy !req
300. I want it all.Copy !req
301. The terrifying lows,Copy !req
302. the dizzying highs,Copy !req
303. the creamy middles.Copy !req
304. Sure, I might offend
a few of the bluenosesCopy !req
305. with my cocky stride
and musky odors.Copy !req
306. I'll never be the darling
of the so-called city fathers,Copy !req
307. who cluck their tongues,
stroke their beards,Copy !req
308. and talk about, "What's to be
done with this Homer Simpson?"Copy !req
309. Look, just get rid
of the sugar, okay?Copy !req
310. No!Copy !req
311. Hey! Get off my sugar!Copy !req
312. Bad bees! Bad!Copy !req
313. They're defending
themselves somehow.Copy !req
314. Look, Bart.
It almost killed me.Copy !req
315. But I handcrafted
all 75 charactersCopy !req
316. from "Oliver Twist."Copy !req
317. And now... The coup de grace,Copy !req
318. a bitter snowstorm.Copy !req
319. Cool.Copy !req
320. Is it okay?Copy !req
321. Well, the important thing
is that we survived.Copy !req
322. Who am I kidding?Copy !req
323. There's no way I'm ever
gonna beat Allison.Copy !req
324. Sure there is.Copy !req
325. But it involves being
a bit underhanded,Copy !req
326. a bit devious, a bit,
as the French say,Copy !req
327. Bartesque.Copy !req
328. I'll do whatever it takes.Copy !req
329. Then welcome to the
nether regions of the soul.Copy !req
330. Now, here's what we do.Copy !req
331. Tomorrow morning, when Allison
comes out of her house,Copy !req
332. we spray her with the hose,Copy !req
333. soaking her from head to toe,
leaving us relatively dry.Copy !req
334. Relatively?Copy !req
335. Well, there's bound to be
some splash-back.Copy !req
336. Bart, her being wet won't
help me win the competition.Copy !req
337. Well. We could just
sabotage her diorama,Copy !req
338. humiliating her in front
of the students and faculty.Copy !req
339. Perfect!Copy !req
340. Leaving her primed
for the most traumaticCopy !req
341. hose-soaking of her life.Copy !req
342. Enough with the hose!Copy !req
343. Well, it sure is quiet
in here today.Copy !req
344. Yes! A little too quiet
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
345. I'm afraid I don't.Copy !req
346. You see, bees usually make
a lot of noise.Copy !req
347. No noise...Copy !req
348. suggests no bees.Copy !req
349. I understand now.Copy !req
350. Look.
There goes one.Copy !req
351. To the Beemobile!Copy !req
352. You mean your Chevy?Copy !req
353. Yes.Copy !req
354. Well, very clever, Simpson.Copy !req
355. Luring our bees
to your sugar pile,Copy !req
356. and then selling them back
to us at an inflated price.Copy !req
357. Bees are on the what now?Copy !req
358. Simpson, you diabolical...Copy !req
359. We're willing to pay you
$2,000 for this swarm.Copy !req
360. Deal!Copy !req
361. Wait a minute.Copy !req
362. The bees are leaving.Copy !req
363. No!Copy !req
364. My sugar is melting.Copy !req
365. Melting! What a world.Copy !req
366. The sugar's gone.Copy !req
367. I'm sorry, Homie.Copy !req
368. It's okay, Marge.Copy !req
369. I've learned my lesson.Copy !req
370. A mountain of sugar
is too much for one man.Copy !req
371. It's clear now why GodCopy !req
372. portions it out
in those tiny packets,Copy !req
373. and why He lives on
a plantation in Hawaii.Copy !req
374. "Diorama-rama,"
My favorite school event,Copy !req
375. next to
"Hearing Test Thursday."Copy !req
376. "The Grapes of Wrath?"Copy !req
377. I don't get it.Copy !req
378. Here's the grapes.Copy !req
379. And here's the wrath.Copy !req
380. Ew!Copy !req
381. Ha-ha!Copy !req
382. Yes, yes, very good wrath.Copy !req
383. Let's see, our foreign
exchange student ÜterCopy !req
384. has chosen "Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory."Copy !req
385. I...Copy !req
386. But this is just an empty box.Copy !req
387. I begged you
to look at mine first.Copy !req
388. I begged you.Copy !req
389. Lisa.Copy !req
390. Here is, as the French say,Copy !req
391. le fake diorama.Copy !req
392. I'll create a diversion,
and you make the switch.Copy !req
393. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
394. Whoa! Look at me.Copy !req
395. I'm over here.Copy !req
396. Turn this way right now!Copy !req
397. Hey, it's Bart.Copy !req
398. And he's doing stuff.Copy !req
399. Bart, stop creatingCopy !req
400. a diversion and get out of here.Copy !req
401. Okay, our next entry is
"The Tell-Tale Heart"Copy !req
402. from Allison Taylor.Copy !req
403. I can't wait to see this.Copy !req
404. Be ready with the ribbon.Copy !req
405. Eww...Copy !req
406. - Ew.
- What is it?Copy !req
407. It's a cow's heart.Copy !req
408. They're trying to make
a monkey out of you.Copy !req
409. Allison, is this supposed to beCopy !req
410. some kind of joke?Copy !req
411. I didn't do that.Copy !req
412. I made a different one.Copy !req
413. Is that so, young lady?Copy !req
414. Well, where is
this phantom diorama?Copy !req
415. I... I don't know.Copy !req
416. At least have the guts
to take the blame, girl.Copy !req
417. You're compounding
your folly by lying about it.Copy !req
418. - Right on.
- Young lady, cow heartsCopy !req
419. belong in a butcher's window,
not the classroom.Copy !req
420. Well, maybe in an older student's
biology classroom,Copy !req
421. but that's none of my business.Copy !req
422. Elementary school
is where I wound up,Copy !req
423. and it's too late
to do anything about that.Copy !req
424. Frankly, I'm starting to
regret skipping you ahead.Copy !req
425. It's the beating
of that hideous heart!Copy !req
426. I mean, I think
I hear something.Copy !req
427. Why, here's Allison's
real diorama.Copy !req
428. It got misplaced,
or so it would seem.Copy !req
429. Well, that changes everything.Copy !req
430. Let's have a look.
Get the ribbon ready.Copy !req
431. A little sterile,
no real insight.Copy !req
432. What do you think, Miss Hoover?Copy !req
433. This has been
a very disappointing day.Copy !req
434. All right, on to Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
435. You're a shoo-in now, Lis.Copy !req
436. After the way I've behaved,
I don't deserve to win.Copy !req
437. - Well, this doesn't deserve to win.
- What?Copy !req
438. Ooh, now we're into the dregs.Copy !req
439. Here's Ralph Wiggum's entry.Copy !req
440. Prepackaged "Star Wars" characters
still in their display box?Copy !req
441. Are those the limited edition
action figures?Copy !req
442. What's a diorama?Copy !req
443. Why, it's Luke and Obi-wan
and my favorite, Chewie.Copy !req
444. They're all here!Copy !req
445. What do you think?Copy !req
446. I think it's lunchtime.Copy !req
447. We have a winner.Copy !req
448. I'm really sorry
about what I did, Allison.Copy !req
449. It's no shame
being second to you.Copy !req
450. Thank you, Lisa.Copy !req
451. You know, I'm actually
kind of glad I lost.Copy !req
452. Now I know losing isn't
the end of the world.Copy !req
453. Hey, you still think
we can be friends?Copy !req
454. Only if we're the best.Copy !req
455. I beat the smart kids.
I beat the smart kid...Copy !req
456. I bent my wookiee.Copy !req
457. Hey, Ralph, want to come
with me and AllisonCopy !req
458. to play anagrams?Copy !req
459. We take proper names
and rearrange the lettersCopy !req
460. to form a description
of that person.Copy !req
461. My cat's breath
smells like cat food.Copy !req
462. Shh.Copy !req
463. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req