The Simpsons 6x19

Directed by Jim Reardon

Mandy Patinkin as Hugh St. John Alastair Parkfield (voice) • Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz / Troy McClure / Lyle Lanley / others (voice) • Phil Hartman as Troy McClure (voice) • Doris Grau as Lunchlady Doris (voice) • Pamela Hayden as Milhouse Van Houten / Mrs. Parkfield (voice) • Maggie Roswell as Miss Hoover / Fortune Teller / Librarian #1 (voice)

A fortuneteller predicts Lisa's engagement and wedding to a fellow student from an upper-crust British family.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. D'

2. Zounds! I did thee mightily smitely.

3. "Zounds" is a Renaissance English word

4. short for "God's wounds."

5. But "Smitely," that's pure Flanders.

6. Please call a doctor.

7. These Renaissance Faires are so boring.

8. Really?

9. Did you see the loom?

10. I took loom in high school.

11. Meh.

12. Yon meat 'tis sweet as summer's wafting breeze.

13. Can I have some?

14. Mine ears are open only to the pleas

15. of those who speak ye olde English.

16. Sweet maiden of the spit

17. grant now my boon, that I might sup

18. upon suckling pig this noon.

19. Whatever.

20. I've eaten eight different meats.

21. I'm a true Renaissance man.

22. I'll go to the first aid tent

23. and tell them to plug in ye olde stomach pump.

24. Alight your gaze

25. on yonder fabled beasts of yore.

26. Behold the rarest of the rare,

27. the mythological two-headed hound

28. born with only one head.

29. Ooh. And here

30. out of the mists of history,

31. the legendary esquilax...

32. A horse with the head of a rabbit

33. and the body of a rabbit.

34. It's galloping away.

35. Here, bunny, bunny. Here, bunny.

36. Here, esquilax.

37. I've been waiting for you, Lisa.

38. How did you know my name?

39. Your name tag.

40. Would you like to know your future?

41. Sorry, I don't believe in fortune telling.

42. I should go.

43. What's your hurry?

44. Bart, Maggie and Marge are at the joust

45. and Homer is heckling the puppet show.

46. Wow. You can see into the... present.

47. Now we'll see what the future holds.

48. The death card?

49. No, that's good.

50. It means transition, change.

51. That's cute.

52. The happy squirrel!

53. That's bad?

54. Possibly.

55. The cards are vague and mysterious.

56. They seem to be revealing

57. the story of your first love.

58. Do you want me to continue?

59. Guess so.

60. It's... It's coming to me.

61. Yes, I see an eastern university in the year 2010.

62. The world has become a very different place.

63. I can't wait to see that play.

64. - Hey, watch it. - Watch it.

65. That man is instantly

66. the most annoying person I've ever met.

67. A soy-based snack will calm me down.

68. Him again!

69. Hello. I need "Ecosystem of the Marsh" by Thompson.

70. The last copy was just signed out by, um...

71. Hugh Parkfield.

72. There he is.

73. No!

74. It couldn't be.

75. Thanks for holding my book while I tied my shoe.

76. D'

77. That's the book I need.

78. You'll probably take forever with it too.

79. I can read faster than you.

80. I read at a 78th grade level.

81. Right here.

82. - Finish this page? - Ages ago.

83. - I'll get a dictionary. - Why?

84. You'll see when you get there. The word "stochastic."

85. "Pertaining to a process

86. "involving a randomly determined

87. sequence of observations."

88. First they hate each other,

89. now, all of a sudden, they love each other.

90. It doesn't make any sense to me.

91. Of course not. You're a robot.

92. I've never met anyone who so understood

93. the magic of Jim Carrey.

94. He can make you laugh

95. with no more than frantic flailing of his limbs.

96. I can't believe

97. how much we have in common.

98. We're both studying the environment,

99. we're both utterly humorless about our vegetarianism

100. and we both love The Rolling Stones.

101. Yes, not for their music, but for their tireless efforts

102. to preserve historic buildings.

103. Lisa, I can't bear the thought

104. of being apart from you all summer.

105. Come back with me to Parkfield Manor.

106. I'd love to.

107. Can we get vegetarian meals at your parent's house?

108. Yes, we can, Lisa.

109. That is good because eating animals is wrong.

110. So very wrong.

111. When will the world learn?

112. I don't know.

113. I just don't know.

114. I love these new planes.

115. Yes, it's a good thing they reevaluated

116. those wacky old designs.

117. Beautiful dinnerware, Mrs. Parkfield.

118. Thank you, Lisa. They were made

119. for the finest family in Britain.

120. I don't know how we ended up with them.

121. Should I laugh?

122. Was that dry British wit, or subtle self-pity?

123. They're staring at me. Better respond.

124. It's good to hear a boisterous American laugh.

125. And I love that painting.

126. Judging by the clothes, I'd say 17th century.

127. Actually, Lisa, it's just Uncle Eldred.

128. I get me brain medicines from the National Health.

129. This place is so enchanting, Hugh.

130. I love it here.

131. I wanted this to be perfect for you.

132. I know you Americans like everything to be...

133. fireworks.

134. Blast!

135. Go to plan B.

136. Yes, I will.

137. Isn't it wonderful?

138. Master Hugh has found a true love.

139. Hi, Mom.

140. Lisa, hello.

141. How are you doing in England?

142. Remember, an elevator is called a "lift,"

143. a mile is called a "kilometer,"

144. and botulism is called "steak and kidney pie."

145. Guess what? Hugh and I are getting married.

146. All right!

147. Lisa, that's wonderful.

148. If only your father was still with us...

149. but he left for work a few minutes ago.

150. Mom, remember when I was little

151. we'd always plan my dream wedding

152. and you always promised to... you know, well...

153. keep Dad from ruining it?

154. Don't worry, honey.

155. I guarantee your father will behave.

156. Mom, it's a picture phone.

157. This? This?

158. No, I've just got a touch of the rheumatiz.

159. Mom, picture phone.

160. Hi, Mom. That's great news about Lisa.

161. Well, listen, I better get back to work.

162. They're finally paying me for this.

163. Yeah!

164. Yes, but the international market is my focus.

165. Whoo-hoo!

166. Marge, that's great news!

167. Hey, hey, there with the personal calls, Simpson.

168. But Mr. Milhouse

169. my little girl's getting married.

170. Lisa?

171. My one true love.

172. It's not you, Milhouse.

173. I just don't plan to ever get married.

174. I think I'll write your performance evaluation now,

175. Simpson.

176. I got to call everyone

177. and tell them the good news.

178. Maggie! I need to use the phone!

179. Will that girl ever shut up?

180. Okay, Marge, I'll plan everything.

181. We can have the reception at Moe's.

182. Wait! Why not have the whole wedding there?

183. We'll do it on a Monday morning...

184. There'll be fewer drunks.

185. Homer, don't take this personally

186. but I've obtained a court order

187. to prevent you from planning this wedding.

188. Well, these seem to be in order.

189. I'll be out back in the hammock.

190. "Mr. Smithers plus guest."

191. There's only one person I would want to bring.

192. Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out

193. the second they discover the cure

194. for 17 stab wounds in the back.

195. How we doing, boys?

196. Well, we're up to 15.

197. Now turn to the next problem.

198. If you have three Pepsis and drink one

199. how much more refreshed are you?

200. You, the redhead in the Chicago school system?

201. Pepsi?

202. Partial credit.

203. We've been invited to the wedding

204. of our only graduate to read at an adult level.

205. It must be Lisa Simpson. Because, of course,

206. Martin Prince perished in that science fair explosion.

207. Not quite perished, my lady love.

208. Although some days, I wish I had.

209. Hey, I remember you. Mayor Quimby, right?

210. No. Look at this license... Mohamed Jafar.

211. Quimby, after this fare

212. get your indicted ass out to the convention center.

213. I cut the ribbon at that convention center.

214. Just a couple more blocks to my house.

215. Lisa, darling, don't worry.

216. I'm sure I'll get along with your family.

217. You've so thoroughly prepared me for the worst.

218. As long as they're not squatting in a ditch

219. poking berries up their noses.

220. And if they are?

221. Here they come! Raise the flag!

222. Lisa!

223. Yo, Hugh!

224. Here's a little bit of U.S. hospitality.

225. What do you think of that?

226. Dad!

227. Aah!

228. Now throw compost on it.

229. Enjoy.

230. Still warm.

231. You can be the first to try out

232. the new guest bedroom I built.

233. Remember, if the building inspector comes by

234. it's not a room, it's a window box.

235. Hugh, thank you.

236. You've been just wonderful through this entire ordeal.

237. Lisa, I love you so much

238. I'm willing to go through anything.

239. Are you okay?

240. I'm fine, Lisa.

241. Fortunately, the compost heap

242. broke my fall.

243. Be a dear, run a bath.

244. Homer, Bart, Maggie, company eating rules?

245. Right.

246. Anyway, Hugh,

247. there's more to my life than just the wrecking ball.

248. I also crush cars into cubes.

249. And on the side, I promote local tough man contests.

250. Basically, I'm getting out all my aggression

251. till I go to law school.

252. So, Hugh, have you heard all the latest American jokes?

253. Here's a good one.

254. Pull my finger.

255. Yes, we have that one in England too, Mr. Simpson.

256. I said, pull my finger!

257. Mom, we've got my wedding dress fitting this afternoon.

258. Maggie, if you're not doing anything,

259. why don't you come with us?

260. Maggie, don't talk with your mouth full!

261. Me and Bart will take Hugh out on the town this afternoon.

262. Hugh should take it easy because of his fall.

263. Lisa, please. The only thing bruised

264. in that fall was my spine.

265. I'll be delighted.

266. Great. There's only one thing I ask in return.

267. - Certainly. - Pull my finger!

268. So, this driving on the left

269. makes you feel more at home, Hugh?

270. And tonight,

271. the following celebrities have been arrested...

272. while Heather Locklear Fortensky

273. remains at large.

274. Remember, if you see any celebrities

275. consider them dangerous.

276. You know, I rather like this pub.

277. Ho! An English boy?

278. You know, we saved your ass in World War II.

279. Yeah, well we saved your ass in World War III.

280. That's true.

281. Hugh, there's something I want you to have.

282. My dad gave me his cufflinks to wear

283. on the day I married Marge

284. and they brought us good luck.

285. I couldn't imagine a happier marriage.

286. We don't have many traditions in our family

287. but it'd mean a lot to me

288. if you kept this one alive.

289. Well, I'd be honored.

290. To...

291. wear those... things.

292. Aw.

293. Hey, watch those virtual darts!

294. I'm trying to play virtual pool.

295. Why you!

296. Hey! Hey! No fighting in my bar!

297. You know, Fox turned into

298. a hard-core sex channel so gradually

299. I didn't even notice.

300. Eesh!

301. Marge, it's so great to have the whole family

302. together under one roof.

303. I never realized how much I missed it.

304. Listen to the murmurs in the next room.

305. The house is full of life again.

306. Keep it down in there!

307. All right, Dad!

308. I'm sorry I left you alone with Homer and Bart.

309. No, no, honey. We had a fine time.

310. How did you get that gash on your forehead?

311. That was when we hid in the dumpster

312. after the fire alarm went off

313. in the pornographic magazine warehouse.

314. You are so good to put up with all of this.

315. Don't be silly, Lisa.

316. Everything's fine... Really.

317. Now go to sleep.

318. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.

319. A big, long day.

320. Lisa, I can't believe

321. it's your wedding day already.

322. Mom, I feel kind of funny wearing white.

323. I mean, Milhouse...

324. Milhouse doesn't count.

325. Okay, I've got something old,

326. that's my pearl necklace.

327. Something new is the wedding dress.

328. Something borrowed is this antique brooch

329. from Hugh's mother.

330. Now I just need something blue.

331. Here.

332. Mom, thanks.

333. Hi!

334. Wow, Lisa, looking at you

335. makes me want to get married

336. for a third time.

337. I met a really nice exotic dancer

338. the other night at Hugh's bachelor party.

339. Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.

340. We had one in his honor.

341. I had one in his honor.

342. I went to a strip club.

343. Well, here goes nothing.

344. Mom, Dad, meet...

345. Homer Simpson.

346. - How do you do? - How are you?

347. Nice to meet you.

348. You know what's great about you English?

349. "Octopussy."

350. Man, I must have seen that movie... twice.

351. Yes...

352. Yes!

353. Well, that's not too bad.

354. Hey, Krabappel.

355. You get in the way of that bouquet,

356. I'll stuff that sun hat down your neck.

357. Smithers, take me home.

358. I'm not fully defrosted.

359. Nonsense.

360. Just sit down and rest for a moment.

361. Here you go.

362. No.

363. We've got a little situation here.

364. I can't feel anything below my cummerbund.

365. Ooh-la-la!

366. Hi, Dad.

367. You look great, sweetheart.

368. Thanks.

369. Little Lisa, Lisa Simpson.

370. You know, I always felt you were the best thing

371. my name ever got attached to.

372. Since the time you learned to pin your own diapers,

373. you've been smarter than me.

374. - Dad. - No, no. Let me finish.

375. I just want you to know, I've always been proud of you.

376. You're my greatest accomplishment

377. and you did it all yourself.

378. You helped me understand my own wife better

379. and taught me to be a better person

380. but you're also my daughter.

381. I don't think anybody could have had a better daughter than...

382. - Dad, you're babbling. - See? You're still helping me.

383. Hey, Dad, did you forget to give those cufflinks to Hugh?

384. - No. - Well?

385. I found them on the nightstand this morning.

386. I guess they weren't his cup of tea.

387. Don't worry about it.

388. But you've been going on about these all week.

389. I'm sure he just forgot.

390. Lisa! We're not supposed to see

391. each other before the wedding.

392. It's tradition.

393. What about my family's tradition?

394. Surely, you don't want me to wear those

395. in front of my parents and their friends?

396. But you promised my dad you would.

397. I was just humoring him, darling.

398. Actually, he frightens me a bit.

399. I know they look a little silly

400. but his feelings will be hurt if you don't wear them.

401. Fine.

402. I must say, you were right.

403. This has been quite trying.

404. You know, I've attempted to enjoy your family

405. on a personal level, on an ironic level,

406. as a novelty, as camp, as kitsch,

407. as a cautionary example... Nothing works.

408. Frankly, I'll be quite relieved when we get back to England

409. and we won't have to deal with them.

410. Are you saying we won't see my family again?

411. Well, possibly your mother will come

412. when the children are born.

413. I can't believe I'm hearing this.

414. I don't want to cut my family out of my life.

415. Really?

416. But Lisa, you're better than this place...

417. You're like a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt.

418. That's a horrible thing to say!

419. Come on, you complain about them more than anyone.

420. Maybe, but I still love them,

421. and I don't think you understand that.

422. And now, to sing "Amazing Grace"

423. Miss Maggie Simpson.

424. She's quite a hellion

425. but she does have an incredible voice.

426. Stop everything!

427. The wedding has been called off.

428. Ha! Ha!

429. This is very sad news

430. and it never would've happened

431. if the wedding had been inside the church with God

432. instead of out here in the cheap showiness of nature.

433. Who wants cake?

434. The next day, Hugh goes back to England

435. and you never see him again.

436. Wow! Now that I know all this

437. isn't there any way to change the future?

438. No, but try to look surprised.

439. I thought you said you'd tell me about my true love.

440. You'll have a true love

441. but I specialize in foretelling

442. the relationships where you get jerked around.

443. Lisa! Lisa! Where were you?

444. You missed the most incredible thing!

445. Hi, Dad.

446. I ate seven pounds of fudge!

447. Wow!

448. The man at the stand said it was a record.

449. Wow, what else did you do, Dad?

450. I rode the teacups.

451. Then I got a little sick and I had to sit down.

452. But then I rode them again...

453. Shh.

454. CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.