1. D'
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2. Aah!
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3. Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Up Late with McBain.
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4. I'm your announcer
Makrokuffen Fuerer Wolfkassel.
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5. And here's McBain.
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6. Ja, and thank you, ja.
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7. That's nice.
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8. Let's say hello
to my music guy, Scoey.
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9. That is some outfit, Scoey.
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10. It makes you look
like a homosexual.
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11. Whoa, maybe you all
are homosexuals too.
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12. This is horrible.
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13. The Fox network
has sunk to a new low.
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14. Lisa, you got a letter.
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15. It's from my pen pal, Anya.
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16. "Dear Lisa, as I write this,
I am very sad.
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17. Our president
has been overthrown, and..."
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18. "Replaced by
the benevolent General Krull.
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19. "All hail Krull
and his glorious new regime.
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20. Sincerely, little girl."
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21. You got a letter, too, Bart.
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22. Bart, what's wrong with you?
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23. My God!
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24. Someone's trying to kill me!
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25. Wait. It's for Bart.
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26. This one's done
in different handwriting.
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27. I wrote that one
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28. after Bart somehow
put this tattoo on my butt.
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29. Ha-ha.
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30. But who'd want to hurt me?
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31. I'm this century's
Dennis the Menace.
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32. It's probably the person
you least suspect.
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33. That's good, Dad.
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34. I say we call Matlock.
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35. He'll find the culprit.
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36. It's probably
that evil Gavin Macleod
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37. or George "Goober" Lindsey.
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38. Grandpa, Matlock's not real.
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39. Neither are my teeth,
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40. but I can still eat
corn on the cob
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41. if someone cuts it off
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42. and smushes it
into a fine paste.
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43. Now that's good eatin'!
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44. I checked around.
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45. The girls are calling you
"Fatty fat-fat-fat,"
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46. and Nelson's planning
to pull down your pants,
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47. but nobody's trying to kill you.
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48. That's good.
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49. Fatty fat fat-fat.
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50. Fatty fatty fat-fat.
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51. All right. This is dedicated
to Bart Simpson
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52. with the message,
"I am coming to kill you
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53. slowly and painfully."
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54. Bart, I'm going to get you...
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55. some ice cream at the store,
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56. since I'm saving so much money
on diet cola.
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57. Say your prayers, Simpson.
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58. Because the schools can't
force you like they should.
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59. Maude, these new finger razors
make hedge trimming
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60. as much fun
as sitting through church.
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61. You're going to be
my murder victim, Bart,
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62. in our school production
of Lizzy Borden
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63. starring Martin Prince as Lizzy.
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64. 40 whacks
with a wet noodle, Bart.
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65. I'd like to help you, ma'am,
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66. but I'm afraid there's no law
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67. against mailing
threatening letters.
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68. I'm pretty sure there is.
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69. Hah! The day I take cop lessons
from Ma Kettle...
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70. Hey, she's right, Chief.
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71. Well, shut my mouth.
It's also illegal
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72. to put squirrels down your pants
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73. for the purposes of gambling.
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74. Boys, knock it off.
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75. Bart, I figured it out.
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76. Who's someone you've been making
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77. irritating phone calls to
for years?
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78. - Linda Lavin?
- No, someone who didn't deserve it.
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79. Hello. Moe?
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80. We know you're
the one behind this,
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81. so knock it off
or we're going to the cops.
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82. No, no.
I'll take care of it.
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83. Okay, it's over.
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84. Get them out of here.
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85. All right, andale, andale!
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86. You're out there somewhere.
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87. But where? Where?
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88. "Dear 'Life
in these United States, '
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89. a funny thing
happened to me..."
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90. Use a pen, Sideshow Bob.
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91. Parole granted.
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92. Next up for parole,
Bob Terwilliger,
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93. A.K.A. Sideshow Bob.
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94. Take care, Snake.
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95. May the next time we meet
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96. be under more felicitous
circumstances.
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97. Take care.
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98. Bah.
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99. Sideshow Bob has no decency.
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100. He called me Chief "Pig-ham."
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101. Now I get it. Good.
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102. Sideshow Bob tried to kill me
on our honeymoon.
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103. How many people in this court
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104. are thinking of killing her
right now?
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105. Be honest.
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106. She's always leaving
the toilet seat up.
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107. Robert, if released,
would you pose any threat
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108. to one Bart Simpson?
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109. Bart Simpson?
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110. Ha! The spirited little scamp
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111. who twice foiled my evil schemes
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112. and sent me to this dank,
urine-soaked hellhole?
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113. We object to the term
urine-soaked hellhole
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114. when you could have said
pee-pee soaked heckhole.
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115. Cheerfully withdrawn.
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116. What about that tattoo
on your chest?
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117. Doesn't it say,
"Die, Bart, Die"?
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118. No. That's German
for vie, Bart, vie.
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119. No one who speaks German
can be an evil man.
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120. Parole granted.
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121. Wow! Public library.
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122. Let's stay here
for a while, Vern.
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123. That man is so rude.
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124. Yeah.
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125. If you don't mind,
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126. we're trying to watch the mov...
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127. Hey, Vern.
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128. Help me get my head
out of this toilet.
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129. Really, now.
That's too much.
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130. Sideshow Bob!
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131. - You wrote me those letters.
- You awful man.
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132. Stay away from my son.
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133. I'll stay away
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134. from your son, all right.
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135. - Stay away forever.
- No.
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136. Wait a minute.
That's no good.
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137. Wait.
I've got a good one now.
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138. Marge, say,
"Stay away from my son" again.
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139. No!
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140. And turn and flex
and shake and bounce.
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141. And turn and flex
and shake and bounce.
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142. Now Sideshow Bob can't get in
without me knowing.
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143. And once a man is in your home,
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144. anything you do to him
is nice and legal.
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145. Is that so?
Flanders?
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146. Won't you join me in my kitchen?
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147. Doesn't work if you invite 'em.
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148. Hi-dily hey!
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149. - Go home.
- Toodle-ly doo.
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150. Now, don't you fret.
When I'm through,
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151. he won't set foot
in this town again.
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152. I can be very, very persuasive.
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153. - Come on. Leave town.
- No.
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154. I'll be your friend.
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155. - No.
- You're mean.
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156. The following
neighborhood residents
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157. will not be killed by me...
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158. Ned Flanders,
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159. Maude Flanders.
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160. Isn't that nice?
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161. Homer Simpson,
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162. Marge Simpson,
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163. Lisa Simpson,
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164. that little baby Simpson.
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165. That is all.
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166. Woo-hoo!
Did you hear, Bart?
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167. Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson.
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168. We've helped hundreds
of people in danger.
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169. We'll give you a new name,
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170. a new job, new identities.
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171. Whoo! I want to be John Elway.
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172. Elway takes the snap
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173. and runs it in for a touchdown!
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174. Thanks to Elway's patented
last-second magic,
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175. the final score
of Super Bowl XXX:
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176. Denver 7, San Francisco, 56.
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177. - Woo-hoo!
- I don't think this is such a good idea.
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178. This isn't just
because of Sideshow Bob.
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179. It's a chance to turn around
all our stinking lives.
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180. I'll be Gus,
the loveable chimney sweep.
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181. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle.
Best in all Westminster. Yeah!
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182. - Shut up, boy.
- We have places
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183. your family can hide
in peace and security.
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184. Cape Fear, Terror Lake,
New Horror Field, Screamville.
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185. Ooh! Ice Creamville.
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186. No. Screamville.
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187. Tell you what, sir.
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188. From now on, you'll be
Homer Thompson at Terror Lake.
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189. Let's just practice a bit?
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190. When I say,
"Hello, Mr. Thompson,"
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191. - you'll say, "Hi."
- Check.
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192. Hello, Mr. Thompson.
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193. Remember now,
your name is Homer Thompson.
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194. - I got ya.
- Hello, Mr. Thompson.
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195. Now, when I say,
"Hello, Mr. Thompson"
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196. and press down on your foot,
you smile and nod.
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197. - No problem.
- Hello, Mr. Thompson.
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198. I think he's talking to you.
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199. - Here you go.
- What a cute convertible.
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200. You guys at the Bureau
thought of everything.
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201. Hey, look,
the F.B.I. Light Opera Society
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202. sings The Complete
Gilbert and Sullivan.
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203. Lousy speed bumps.
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204. Ooh!
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205. This coffee's too hot.
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206. Hey, kids, want to drive
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207. through that cactus patch?
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208. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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209. No.
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210. Well, two against one.
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211. Wow, a houseboat.
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212. You know, the great thing is,
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213. if you don't like
your neighbors,
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214. you can just pull up the anchor
and sail someplace else.
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215. Homer, where's the dog?
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216. I tied him up out back.
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217. We've left it all behind.
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218. How can you make a clean break
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219. with your life?
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220. Relax, Marge.
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221. I tied up all the loose ends
before we left.
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222. Hello!
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223. Hello!
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224. You have my pills!
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225. Hello!
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226. I'm cold,
and there are wolves after me.
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227. Hello, Bart.
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228. Down here, Bart.
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229. What do you want?
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230. Surely there's no harm
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231. in laying in the middle
of a public street.
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232. Not the elephants! No!
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233. Mom, Dad, I saw Sideshow Bob,
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234. and he threatened to kill me!
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235. Bart, don't interrupt.
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236. Homer, this is serious.
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237. It is not.
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238. Roman numeral III:
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239. surprise boy in bed...
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240. and, disembowel him.
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241. No, I don't like
that "bowel" in there.
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242. Gut him.
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243. Le mot juste!
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244. Bart, you want some brownie
before you go to bed?
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245. Come on, let me cut you
a brownie while they're still hot.
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246. Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now.
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247. I'd appreciate you
not coming in my room
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248. screaming and brandishing
a butcher knife.
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249. Why?
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250. Right.
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251. This Sideshow Bob thing.
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252. I'm sorry, boy.
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253. Bart, you want to see my new
chainsaw and hockey mask?
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254. Sorry.
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255. What am I thinking?
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256. Hello, Bart.
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257. Mom! Dad!
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258. Your family can't help you now.
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259. No! Dad's been drugged.
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260. No, he hasn't.
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261. - Yeah.
- Well, Bart.
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262. Any last requests?
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263. Well, there is one, but...
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264. - Nah.
- No, go on.
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265. Well, you have such
a beautiful voice.
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266. Guilty as charged.
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267. Anyway, I was wondering
if you could sing
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268. the entire score
of the H.M.S. Pinafore.
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269. Very well, Bart.
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270. I shall send you to heaven
before I send you to hell.
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271. And a-two and a-three and...
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272. And now, the final curtain.
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273. Hold it right there,
Sideshow Bob.
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274. You're under arrest.
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275. By Lucifer's beard!
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276. Yeah. It's a good thing
you drifted by this brothel.
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277. I knew I had to buy some time.
So I asked him
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278. to sing the score
from the H.M.S. Pinafore.
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279. Ooh, a plan fiendishly clever
in its in-tric-acies.
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280. Take him away, boys.
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281. Hey, I'm the chief here.
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282. Bake him away, toys.
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283. What did you say, Chief?
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284. Do what the kid says.
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285. It's so good to be home again.
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286. Look what happened
without my pills!
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287. Bart, run upstairs,
get Grampa's medicine.
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288. Not so fast. I want to court
this fair young maiden.
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289. There's something
you should know about me.
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290. I've got Steve
and Eydie tickets.
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291. I'm all yours!
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292. Shh!
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293. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
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