1. The Simpsons.
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2. Resident, occupant.
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3. Mmm. Free sample of Lemon Time.
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4. Ooh, give it here.
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5. Homer,
that's dishwashing liquid.
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6. Yeah, but what are you
gonna do?
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7. Ooh! They're having
a retirement party
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8. for someone at the plant!
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9. I wish I could retire.
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10. Boy, that would be sweet.
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11. Howdy do, neighbor.
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12. Good pipe weather.
Thought I'd fire up the briar.
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13. Can't talk. Busy.
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14. Okley-dokley doo.
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15. Did you notice
how slanted he looked?
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16. All part of God's great plan.
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17. I think one side of our house
is sinking.
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18. "The Half-assed Approach
to Foundation Repair."
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19. Hello, I'm Troy McClure.
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20. You might remember me
from such instructional videos
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21. as "Mothballing
Your Battleship"
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22. and "Dig Your Own Grave
and Save."
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23. Now, over the next
six hours,
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24. I'll be taking you through
the do's and do not do's
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25. of foundation repair.
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26. - Ready?
- Ready.
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27. First, patch the cracks
in the slab
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28. using a latex patching compound
and a patching trowel.
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29. Hand me my patching trowel, boy.
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30. Now, do you have extruded
poly-vinyl foam insulation?
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31. - No.
- Good.
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32. Assemble the aluminum J-channel
using self-furring screws.
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33. - Install.
- What do I...
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34. After applying brushable
coating to the panels...
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35. - Wait a minute.
- ...you'll need some
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36. corrosion-resistant
metal stucco lathe.
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37. - Wait a minute!
- If you can't find
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38. metal stucco lathe...
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39. ...use carbon fiber
stucco lathe.
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40. Now barge the lathe.
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41. Did you see the bubble?
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42. I'm afraid the whole west side
of your house is sinking.
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43. I figure it's gonna
cost you...
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44. - Ooh, 8,500.
- Forget it!
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45. You're not the only
foundation guy in town.
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46. Let's see, foundation repair.
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47. Ah, here we are... D'oh!
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48. ...leaving the vice president
in charge.
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49. And now, Leaning Tower of Pisa,
eat your heart out
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50. and move over.
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51. This is one story
that's not on the level.
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52. Behold the horrors
of the Slanty Shanty.
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53. See the twisted creatures
that dwell within.
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54. Meet Cue Ball,
the man with no hair.
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55. He's hideous!
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56. We have to do something.
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57. Marge,
it will cost $8,500.
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58. We only have 500 in the
bank, and that leaves...
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59. 80 hundred we need.
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60. I could get a job.
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61. Hey...
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62. then I could follow my dream:
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63. Living in the woods and keeping
a journal of my thoughts.
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64. March 15...
I wish I brought a TV.
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65. Oh, God, how I miss TV.
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66. I think you have
to keep your job, too.
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67. It was the most beautiful,
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68. most expensive train ever built.
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69. The Spruce Caboose.
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70. Some people said it was too
big to stay on the tracks.
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71. Heh heh, they were right.
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72. We're here
for the retirement party.
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73. Follow the headless brakeman.
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74. Power plant retirement party.
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75. Ow! Right this way.
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76. Tonight, we've all come to honor
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77. a close friend of ours.
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78. Boring.
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79. A man who provided
the Burns Corporation
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80. with 45 years
of faithful service...
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81. Mr. Jack Marley.
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82. Boring.
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83. Mr. Burns,
if you don't mind,
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84. I've prepared
a little musical number
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85. for Jack's special night.
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86. There is a man
There is a man.
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87. - A certain man.
- A certain man.
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88. A man whose grace
and handsome face.
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89. Are known across the land.
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90. - You know his name.
- You know his name.
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91. - It's Mr. Burns.
- It's Mr. Burns.
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92. He loves a smoke.
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93. Enjoys a joke.
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94. Why, he's worth ten times
what he earns.
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95. - He's Mr. Burns.
- I'm Mr. Burns.
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96. - He's Monty Burns.
- I'm Mr. Burns.
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97. To friends,
he's known as Monty.
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98. But to you,
it's Mr. Burns.
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99. Bur-bur-bur-bur-burns.
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100. Burns!
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101. You mind if I say
a few words?
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102. Oh, me, me, me.
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103. I need all the attention
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104. just because it's
my party, eh?
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105. Please don't make me retire.
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106. My job is the only thing
that keeps me alive.
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107. I never married,
and my dog is dead.
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108. I'm not finished!
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109. Oh, yes, you are.
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110. With the departure
of Mr. Marley,
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111. there will now be
an entry-level position
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112. open in sector 7-G.
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113. Now get out.
The bar is closed.
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114. Maybe I should
apply for that job.
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115. Forget it, Marge.
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116. We already live together.
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117. We shouldn't work together.
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118. As the bible says,
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119. "Thou shalt not horn in
on thy husband's racket."
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120. Where does the bible
say racket?
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121. It's in there.
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122. Look, Marge we just don't
need the money that bad.
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123. Wahh!
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124. Well, Lisa,
I finished my resumé.
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125. Uh, I think it needs
a little padding.
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126. What are you putting
in there?
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127. Bup, bup, bup.
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128. When I'm done.
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129. Chauffeur, seamstress.
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130. Curator of large mammals?
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131. Marge, have you seen
my lunch box?
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132. Oh, I see.
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133. Mom, they expect you
to lie a little.
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134. Worked for
the Carter Administration?
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135. Well, you voted
for him twice.
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136. Lisa, shh. Someone might be
listening.
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137. Oh, I thought Muddy Waters
wrote that song.
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138. This resume is very impressive.
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139. Let me be the first to say
kabebu kazini.
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140. - What?
- Welcome aboard.
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141. I guess my Swahili
is not as good as yours.
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142. Yeah, hmm.
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143. Sorry.
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144. The position has been filled.
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145. Oh, dear.
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146. Marge, you're making
a big mistake.
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147. I'm gonna see you all day
at work and all night at home...
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148. And that's good.
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149. But here's the bad part:
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150. Ooh, look at that headline.
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151. "Canada to hold referendum."
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152. Sorry, Marge,
can't talk now.
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153. We need the money.
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154. And my life is pretty boring.
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155. Last week, some Jehovah's
Witnesses came to the door,
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156. and I wouldn't
let them leave.
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157. They snuck away when
I went in the kitchen
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158. to get more lemonade.
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159. Yeah, lemonade is good.
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160. I think it's wonderful.
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161. Mom and Dad, side-by-side
at the power plant.
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162. You'll be just like
Marie and Pierre Curie.
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163. - What did they do?
- They discovered radium.
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164. Then they both died
of radiation poisoning.
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165. It's the Curies.
We must flee.
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166. Cool!
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167. Now, Marge,
just remember.
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168. If something goes wrong
at the plant,
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169. blame the guy who
can't speak English.
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170. Ah, Tibor, how many times
have you saved my butt?
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171. Maggie,
your baby-sitter's here.
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172. What's that mean?
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173. Whoa!
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174. You must be sick.
Let's see.
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175. What's old Doc Washburn
prescribe?
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176. Do you have dropsy?
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177. The grippe? Scopula?
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178. The vapors? Jungle rot?
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179. Shanty fever?
Poor man's gout?
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180. Housemaid's knee?
Climactic bouba?
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181. The staggers?
Dum-dum fever?
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182. And this is your office.
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183. That idiot Tibor
lost the key,
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184. but you can jimmy it
open with a credit card.
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185. Well, have fun.
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186. What do I do?
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187. Marge, please,
according to your resumé
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188. you invented this machine.
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189. Put away your books,
children.
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190. It's time
for your English test.
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191. Sick on test day.
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192. Why? Why?
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193. Bart have you read
The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
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194. I'm halfway through it.
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195. I swear.
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196. Marge, what are you doing?
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197. It's lunch time.
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198. I'll just be a minute.
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199. I have to finish
this paperwork.
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200. Marge, Marge, Marge.
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201. Let's file this under
"R" for arrivederci.
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202. But where does it go?
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203. Don't worry, baby.
The tube will know what to do.
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204. Good news, boy.
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205. I found a pharmacy
that carries leeches.
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206. Well, it wasn't exactly
a pharmacy.
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207. More of a bait shop.
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208. Look, Grampa, I'm fine.
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209. I really don't need
any more home remedies.
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210. Oral thermometer,
my eye!
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211. Think warm thoughts, boy,
'cause this is mighty cold.
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212. Jackanapes.
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213. Lollygaggers.
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214. Noodle heads.
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215. Enchantress.
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216. That woman,
she's so captivating.
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217. Smithers, my heart's pounding
like a jackhammer.
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218. I must have her.
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219. Smithers, zoom in.
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220. Closer, closer.
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221. Closer, damn it!
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222. Too close.
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223. - Hello.
- Mr. Burns!
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224. Oh, no need for alarm.
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225. I just came to give
you the orchids
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226. and fragrant bath oils
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227. I lavish upon
all my employees.
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228. Oh, aren't you nice.
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229. This makes me wonder
why morale here is so low.
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230. I am the angel of death.
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231. The time of purification
is at hand.
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232. Oh, who cares?
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233. Marge, what can we do?
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234. Well, you could give them
healthier snacks.
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235. Theme days.
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236. You mean
like Child Labor Day?
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237. Mm, actually I was thinking
of Funny Hat Day.
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238. Ooh, and how about piping in
some Tom Jones music?
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239. That always cheers me up.
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240. What's new, pussy cat?
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241. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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242. What's new, pussy cat?
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243. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
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244. It's working.
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245. It's working!
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246. And the healthy snacks
are on their way.
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247. You can't take our doughnuts!
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248. All right, anyone else
want to be a hero?
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249. Marge, I'm giving you a raise
and a new office
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250. right next to mine.
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251. But, sir, that's my office.
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252. Don't worry, Smithers.
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253. I'm putting you
where the action is.
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254. Springtime fresh.
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255. Winter white.
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256. What could be better?
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257. Oh, man, I really gotta...
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258. No!
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259. So, Bart, how are you feeling?
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260. Can't complain.
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261. Well, then you're ready
for your make-up test.
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262. Ohh! My ovaries.
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263. Ha ha ha, suckers.
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264. Have you ever read
The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
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265. I glanced at it.
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266. Boy cries wolf,
has a few laughs.
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267. I forget how it ends.
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268. Bart, is that light green?
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269. - Yeah.
- It better be.
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270. - Hey!
- Oh...
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271. Homie, what's wrong?
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272. I'm used to seeing people
promoted ahead of me...
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273. Friends, co-workers, Tibor.
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274. I never thought
it would be my own wife.
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275. Well, maybe you'd get promoted
if you worked a little harder.
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276. Are you kidding?
I work like a Japanese beaver.
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277. Oh, really? I came to see you
three times today.
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278. Twice, you were sleeping,
and once,
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279. you were kicking that ball
of electrical tape around.
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280. Well, I won't sleep
in the same bed
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281. with a woman
who thinks I'm lazy.
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282. I'm gonna go right downstairs,
unfold the couch,
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283. unroll the sleeping ba...
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284. Ah, good night.
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285. I dreamed about her again
last night, Smithers.
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286. You know that dream
where you're in bed
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287. and they fly in
through the window?
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288. You've been reading
my wish book, sir.
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289. Yes, well, Smithers,
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290. I want you to arrange
a party for two at my estate.
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291. Marge, me,
and do you think
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292. you could you dig up
Al Jolson?
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293. Ah, do you remember
we did that once before?
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294. Oh, that's right, he's dead...
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295. and rather pungent.
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296. The rest of that night
is something I'd like to forget.
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297. All right then, bring me
that crooner she likes so much...
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298. Tom Jones.
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299. These spurs are killing me.
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300. Hey, sit on it.
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301. Buddy, '50s Day
is next Wednesday.
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302. I got to go home
and change.
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303. Here's your money.
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304. Well, you know, the problem
here was water leakage.
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305. If you just buy
a 50-cent washer...
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306. I've got a better idea.
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307. Get the hell out!
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308. Look, I got some washers
in my truck.
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309. - I'll give you one.
- Marge, get my gun.
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310. - Tom Jones?
- Yes?
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311. I was wondering
if you'd be interested
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312. in performing
at a private party?
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313. Sorry, mate,
I don't do private parties.
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314. Well, then, perhaps you should
look in this suitcase.
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315. All right, but I don't see...
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316. Pleasant dreams, Mr. Jones.
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317. Bart, to avoid this test,
you've had smallpox, the bends,
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318. and that unfortunate
bout of rabies.
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319. I'm not sure I'm over it.
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320. Shove it, witch.
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321. No more excuses.
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322. Her claws are really digging
into my skull.
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323. She can crush
clams with them.
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324. Get it off, get it off,
get it off!
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325. Here we have
an Alaskan timber wolf.
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326. He weighs 240 pounds,
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327. and his jaws can bite
through a parking meter.
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328. He does get spooked
by loud noises.
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329. Loud? That's our secret word
for the day!
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330. - Oh, my God!
- Baaah!
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331. She must think you're
after her eggs!
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332. I only ate one.
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333. Nice doggie.
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334. Ivanhoe is the story
of a Russian farmer
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335. and his tool.
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336. Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!
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337. I'm afraid you'll have to do
better than that.
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338. Sorry, no sale.
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339. You're wasting
valuable test time.
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340. Mr. Burns, you wanted to see me?
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341. Uh, actually, I was wondering
if you were free
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342. for a little
get-together tonight.
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343. Dinner, dancing, and...
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344. Mr. Tom Jones.
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345. - Hello, Marge.
- That's it, big smile, everybody's happy.
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346. Oh, my goodness!
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347. My husband will be so excited.
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348. You have a husband?
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349. Yes, I can picture him now.
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350. Rugged good looks.
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351. Sweater knotted
about his shoulders.
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352. Curly locks shining in the sun
like spun gold.
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353. Homer, Mr. Burns gave me
another raise today.
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354. The senile old fool.
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355. You're fired!
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356. You can't fire me
just because I'm married.
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357. I'm going to sue
the pants off you.
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358. You don't have to sue me
to get my pants off.
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359. Wah!
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360. Hey, wolfie.
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361. Put down that hors d'oeuvre.
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362. It's time for the main course.
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363. Gah! Get up!
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364. Back to class, lad.
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365. Nothing to see here.
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366. Here's my test.
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367. Bart, I'm not even
going to grade this
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368. until you tell me the truth
about what happened out there.
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369. The truth is...
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370. There was no wolf.
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371. I faked the whole thing.
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372. I'm just gonna lie
on the floor now.
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373. Please don't let me
swallow my tongue.
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374. There, doesn't it feel better
to tell the truth?
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375. Oh, dear.
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376. All right now, boy.
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377. We've got to rub
some garlic on you
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378. before the next full moon.
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379. Don't feel bad for losing.
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380. I was wrestling wolves
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381. back when you were
at your mother's teat.
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382. Why, Marge, look at
all those flies
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383. buzzing around your head.
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384. You're a mess, woman.
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385. So, do you think
I have a case?
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386. Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck.
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387. Your sexual harassment suit
is just the thing I need
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388. to rebuild
my shattered practice.
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389. Care to join me
in a belt of scotch?
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390. It's 9:30 in the morning.
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391. Yeah, but I haven't slept
in days.
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392. Last chance.
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393. Oh, yeah.
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394. Mr. Burns, we've got
witnesses, precedent,
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395. and a paper trail
a mile long.
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396. Yes, well, I have
ten high-priced lawyers.
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397. He left his briefcase.
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398. Hey, it's full
of shredded newspapers.
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399. Well, I guess that's it.
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400. People like us
can't afford justice.
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401. Come on, Homie.
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402. Let's go before
he fires you, too.
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403. No! Mr. Burns,
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404. I'm not leaving
until you say you're sorry
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405. for what you did
to my wife.
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406. You love her, too?
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407. Damn right.
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408. Homer, I want you
to show this woman
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409. - the time of her life.
- Gotcha. Marge,
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410. we're getting some drive-thru,
then we're doing it twice.
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411. No, no, no.
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412. I've got something
even more special in mind.
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413. It's not unusual.
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414. To be loved by anyone.
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415. It's not unusual.
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416. To have fun with anyone.
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417. Get help, love.
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418. Call Interpol.
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419. Get me a hacksaw,
anything.
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420. It's not unusual.
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421. It happens every day.
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422. No matter what you say.
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423. You'll find it happens
all the time.
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424. And love will never do.
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425. What you want it to.
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426. Why can't this crazy love
be mine?
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427. It's not unusual.
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428. To be mad with anyone.
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429. It's not unusual.
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430. To be sad with anyone.
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431. But if I ever find that.
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432. You've changed at any time.
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433. It's not unusual to find.
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434. That I'm in love with you.
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435. Whoa-whoa, oh-oh,
whoa-oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh.
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