1. D'OH!
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2. CAPTAIN'S LOG. STARDATE 6051.
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3. HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING LAST NIGHT.
MY HIATAL HERNIA IS ACTING UP.
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4. THE SHIP IS DRAFTY AND DAMP.
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5. I COMPLAIN,
BUT NOBODY LISTENS.
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6. SO VERY TIRED.
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7. IN THEIR LATEST,
GREATEST ADVENTURE.
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8. CAPTAIN, KLINGONS
OFF THE STARBOARD BOW.
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9. AGAIN WITH THE KLINGONS!
MR. SCOTT, GIVE ME FULL POWER.
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10. IT'S NO GOOD, CAPTAIN.
THE CONTROL PANEL.
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11. MOVIES!
WHAT A RIP-OFF!
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12. I DON'T HAVE TO SIT HERE
AND TAKE THIS! I—
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13. HUBBA HUBBA.
OH, YOU KID.
THANK YOU, DEAR.
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14. NOW, BE GOOD FOR GRAMPA
WHILE WE'RE AT
THE PARENT/TEACHER MEETING.
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15. - WE'LL BRING BACK DINNER.
- WHAT ARE WE GONNA HAVE?
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16. WELL, THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT THE TEACHERS SAY.
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17. IF YOU'VE BEEN GOOD, PIZZA.
IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD,
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18. UH, LET'S SEE— POISON.
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19. AND ONE OF US HAS BEEN BAD?
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20. - POISONED PIZZA.
- OH, NO.
I'M NOT MAKING TWO STOPS.
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21. ALL RIGHT. I'LL TALK TO
LISA'S TEACHER THIS YEAR.
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22. YOU CAN HAVE BART'S.
THAT'S THE WAY
WE DO IT EVERY YEAR.
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23. ALL RIGHT. TELL YOU WHAT.
I'M THINKING OF A NUMBER
BETWEEN 1 AND 50.
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24. IS IT 37?
D'OH!
I MEAN, NO.
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25. - HOMER!
- PLEASE, MARGE? PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE?
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26. OH, ALL RIGHT.
WHOO-HOO!
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27. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
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28. AGH!
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29. HEE-HEE!
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30. FROM PEAS AND CARROTS;
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31. WITH TIC TACS.
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32. WELL, I'M SORRY.
I'M SURE BART DOESN'T
REALLY MEAN TO BE BAD.
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33. NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO BE BAD.
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34. MR. SIMPSON, I JUST
WANTED TO TELL YOU...
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35. THAT YOU'VE DONE
A WONDERFUL JOB WITH LISA.
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36. AT A YOUNG AGE.
- I DID.
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37. I DID READ TO HER.
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38. "8:00. HAPPY DAYS.
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39. "THE FONZ, HENRY WINKLER,
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40. HE'S LOSING HIS COOL."
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41. WELL, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
IN THE THREE "RS"--
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42. READING TV GUIDE, UM,
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43. AND RENEWING TV GUIDE.
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44. NOW, WE DON'T USUALLY DO THIS,
BUT WE HAVE SOME WITNESSES.
COME IN, ARTHUR.
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45. NOW, WHERE DID BART
STICK THE FIREWORKS?
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46. LOOK OUT DENTURES, HERE I COME.
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47. EW!
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48. "MY CHILD IS ON THE HONOR ROLL
AT SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY."
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49. YOU KNOW,
I'D FIND A REPLACEMENT...
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50. FOR MY "WHERE'S THE BEEF?"
BUMPER STICKER.
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51. "WHERE'S THE BEEF?"
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52. UH, WE'D LIKE THE DESK BACK,
MR. SIMPSON.
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53. HUH?
OH.
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54. YAAH!
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55. I REALLY DON'T SEE
HOW THIS HELPS BART.
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56. JUST DO IT.
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57. BUSTED!
HOMER, WE HAVE
A PROBLEM HERE.
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58. ARE YOU KIDDING?
LISA TURNED OUT PERFECT.
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59. I WON'T STAND HERE
BAD-MOUTHING LISA!
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60. - WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BART!
- OH. THAT GUY.
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61. IS DISCIPLINE.
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62. IF BART DOES SOMETHING WRONG,
YOU SHOULD PUNISH HIM.
WELL, WE TRY.
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63. US THINK WE'VE PUNISHED HIM,
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64. WE'VE COMPLETELY CAVED IN.
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65. - HE'S THE BOY YOU LOVE TO HATE.
- WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO START
BEING FIRM WITH HIM.
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66. I BELIEVE, WITH PERSISTENT
DISCIPLINE,
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67. END UP BECOMING, OH, SAY,
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68. OF THE SUPREME COURT.
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69. OF THE SUPREME COURT.
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70. JOHN MARSHALL,
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71. CHARLES EVANS HUGHES,
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72. MMM, BURGER.
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73. AND WHAT IF WE DON'T?
THEN THERE'S NO TELLING
HOW LOW HE CAN SINK.
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74. ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
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75. BY BANG BANG BART.
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76. - YOU'RE FAT!
TO LOVE, HONEY.
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77. OH! MY POOR BABY!
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78. UH-OH.
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79. WHAT? WHAT'S THAT?
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80. HI, MOM. HI, DAD.
HOME ALREADY?
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81. BOY, TIME REALLY FLIES
WHEN YOU'RE READING—
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82. THE BIBLE? EW.
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83. WELL, WE BROUGHT SOME PIZZA.
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84. IF YOU DON'T START
MAKING MORE SENSE, WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO PUT YOU IN A HOME.
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85. YOU ALREADY PUT ME IN A HOME.
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86. THEN WE'LL PUT YOU
WE SAW ON 60 MINUTES.
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87. I'LL BE GOOD.
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88. OF A SON DID TO MY TEETH!
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89. DAD, YOU AND YOUR STORIES.
"BART BROKE MY TEETH."
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90. "THE NURSES ARE STEALING
MY MONEY."THIS THING ON
MY NECK IS GETTING BIGGER."
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91. NOW, THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT BART'S TEACHER
WAS TALKING ABOUT.
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92. OUR SON DID SOMETHING WRONG,
AND YOU LOOK THE OTHER WAY.
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93. BUT, MARGE, LOOK AT THAT
HANGDOG EXPRESSION.
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94. HE'S LEARNED HIS LESSON.
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95. LET'S GET HIM A PRESENT.
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96. PLEASE, HOMER. WHY DO I ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
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97. YOUNG MAN, SINCE YOU
BROKE GRAMPA'S TEETH,
HE GETS TO BREAK YOURS.
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98. OH, THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET.
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99. - NO, NO, NO!
- OHH.
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100. BART, WE'RE SENDING YOU
TO BED WITHOUT YOUR SUPPER.
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101. YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE YOU'RE
GONNA LET ME GO HUNGRY.
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102. I'LL BE EATING THAT PIZZA
IN FIVE MINUTES.
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103. - BART, STOP BEING CONFIDENT.
- DOGGONE IT!
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104. OHH.
OH, GRAMPA.
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105. I'M STARVING!
SOME FOOD QUICK!
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106. - I'M A-COMIN', BOY!
- HOMER, GET BACK HERE!
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107. TO EAT AROUND HERE.
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108. HMM.
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109. GEE, MAYBE THEY MEAN IT
THIS TIME.
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110. FROM NOW ON, I GUESS I'D
BART.
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111. DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER,
BUT I BROUGHT YOU SOME PIZZA.
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112. YOU'LL TRY TO BE GOOD.
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113. I PROMISE.
THAT-A-BOY.
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114. SUCKER.
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115. WELL, WELL.
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116. IF IT ISN'T
THE TOOTH FAIRY.
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117. COMING FOR CHRISTMAS,
THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MOVIE.
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118. BART!
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119. STICK AROUND,
MR. BOND.
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120. STARTING TO COOK.
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121. BART, COME QUICK! THERE'S
AN ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MOVIE!
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122. MMM!
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123. YOU'LL FIND IT IN
THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MOVIE,
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124. TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
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125. NEW FOOTAGE.
- WOW.
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126. BART, DID YOU TAKE OUT
THE GARBAGE LIKE I ASKED?
INDEED I DID.
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127. D'OH!
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128. HEY, YOU GOATS
GET OUT OF HERE!
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129. BOY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO BE PUNISHED FOR THIS.
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130. DAD, YOU COULD PUNISH ME.
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131. OF A PUNISHMENT,
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132. - OHH.
GO PLAY WITH MILHOUSE...
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133. MEXICAN SITCOMS.
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134. ¡AY, EL ESTÓMAGO!
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135. RUN ALONG, YOU LITTLE SCAMP.
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136. HUH?
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137. BART!
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
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138. - I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL, THIS TIME
YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!
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139. WELL, YOU COULD
PUNISH ME, BUT—
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140. NO TRICKS, BOY.
I SAID I'M GONNA PUNISH YOU.
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141. HELL OR HIGH WATER, I—
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142. ICE CREAM TRUCK!
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143. ME! ME!
I WAS HERE FIRST!
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144. MMM. NOW, WHAT WERE
WE TALKING ABOUT, BOY?
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145. UH, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
THE TIME YOU BEAT JURY DUTY.
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146. OH, YEAH.
THE TRICK IS...
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147. TO SAY YOU'RE PREJUDICED
AGAINST ALL RACES.
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148. WE'RE HOME!
WE GOT BEETS!
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149. BART, ARE YOU PULLING UP
THE CARPET?
UH-HUH.
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150. WHY ARE YOU
LETTING HIM DO THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
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151. WELL, PUNISH HIM.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
BART, GO TO YOUR ROOM.
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152. SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAGES.
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153. HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?
LET THIS HAPPEN?
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154. - I WASN'T HERE.
- OH, HOW CONVENIENT.
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155. HOMER, DO YOU WANT YOUR SON
OF THE SUPREME COURT...
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156. OR A SLEAZY MALE STRIPPER?
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157. CAN'T HE BE BOTH,
LIKE THE LATE EARL WARREN?
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158. - EARL WARREN WASN'T A STRIPPER.
- NOW WHO'S BEING NAIVE?
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159. LOOK, YOU HAVE TO HELP
DISCIPLINE YOUR SON.
ALL RIGHT, MARGE.
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160. HE DOES SOMETHING WRONG, I'LL
PUNISH HIM AND MAKE IT STICK.
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161. TONIGHT ON EYE ON SPRINGFIELD,
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162. WE MEET A MAN WHO'S BEEN
HICCUPPING FOR 45 YEARS.
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163. - KILL ME.
- KILL ME.
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164. BUT FIRST,
WE'LL EXAMINE THE GROWING
ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MANIA...
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165. PREMIERING TODAY.
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166. I GOT MY TICKET.
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167. I'M HERE LIVE IN KOREA...
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168. AMERICAN CARTOONS ARE MADE.
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169. BUT FIRST, LET'S TAKE
A LOOK BACK AT THE YEAR 1928,
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170. HAVE SEEN AL CAPONE...
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171. ON TOP OF A FLAGPOLE.
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172. YAAH!
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173. SCRATCHY CARTOON,
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174. ENTITLED "THAT HAPPY CAT."
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175. THE FILM DID VERY POORLY.
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176. BUT THE FOLLOWING YEAR, SCRATCHY
YOUNG MOUSE NAMED ITCHY,
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177. AND CARTOON HISTORY WAS MADE.
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178. HERE'S THEIR FIRST CARTOON
TOGETHER— "STEAMBOAT ITCHY."
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179. OH, ME, OH, MY.
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180. DURING THE WAR,
THEIR DIFFERENCES ASIDE...
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181. TO FIGHT A BIGGER FOE.
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182. WE'LL BE BACK WITH A REAL-LIFE
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183. WHO ATTACKED AND KILLED...
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184. A SMALL CAT.
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185. BART, DIDN'T I ASK YOU
TO WATCH MAGGIE?
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186. SOMETHING YOU'D SAY.
HEY, WHERE IS SHE?
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187. OH, MY LORD!
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188. OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE.
A BABY DRIVING A CAR.
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189. AND LOOK.
THERE'S A DOG
DRIVING A BUS.
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190. HEY!
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191. ALL RIGHT!
TIME FOR A CRIME SPREE.
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192. ALL RIGHT, BOY.
PUNISHMENT I EVER HANDED DOWN,
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193. IT'S GONNA STICK.
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194. - COME ON, HOMER.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
- DAMN RIGHT!
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195. BART, YOU CAN'T GO TO SEE THAT
ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MOVIE EVER!
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196. OH, NO! BETA!
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197. DAD, YOU GOTTA LET ME
SEE THAT MOVIE.
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198. CAN'T YOU JUST
GIVE ME A SPANKING?
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199. COME ON. GO NUTS.
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200. DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME.
I SAID YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE
MOVIE, AND I'M STICKING TO IT.
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201. DAD, I AGREE THAT
BART SHOULD BE PUNISHED,
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202. OF OUR GENERATION.
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203. HOW WOULD YOU'VE LIKED IT
COULDN'T WATCH THE MOON LANDING?
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204. HMM.
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205. THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP
FOR MAN.
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206. ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND.
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207. SORRY, BUT
THE PUNISHMENT STANDS.
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208. I REGRET NOTHING!
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209. SOMEDAY YOU'LL THANK ME
FOR THIS, SON.
NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
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210. NO, IT'S TRUE.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A BOY,
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211. I REALLY WANTED A CATCHER'S
MITT, BUT MY DAD WOULDN'T
GET IT FOR ME.
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212. MY HEAD ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
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213. I MIGHT HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE.
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214. - DAD, WHAT'S THE POINT
OF THIS STORY?
- I LIKE STORIES.
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215. GO TO THE MOVIE?
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216. MIGHT SEEM A LITTLE HARSH,
BUT I CAN'T GO BACK ON IT.
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217. YOU'RE WELCOME TO WATCH
ANYTHING YOU WANT ON TV.
TV SUCKS.
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218. I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET RIGHT NOW,
SO I'LL PRETEND
YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!
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219. THREE MAILBOXES AN HOUR.
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220. I'M NOT LICKED YET.
I CAN ENTERTAIN MYSELF.
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221. NO MATTER HOW GOOD A MOVIE IS,
IT CAN'T COMPARE...
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222. OF A SMALL BOY.
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223. HOW WAS IT?
IT WASN'T THAT GREAT.
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224. - BE HONEST.
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
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225. AND YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
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226. DUSTIN HOFFMAN,
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227. OF COURSE, THEY DIDN'T USE
THEIR REAL NAMES, BUT YOU
COULD TELL IT WAS THEM.
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228. LISA!
SORRY, BART.
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229. IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME.
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230. I'VE SEEN
13 TIMES.
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231. I'VE SEEN IT 17 TIMES.
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232. TIRED OF THAT MOVIE BY NOW.
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233. NO ONE WHO SAW
THE MOVIE WOULD SAY THAT!
LET'S GET HIM!
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234. HOMER, WE'D LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU.
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235. BUT THEN I WON'T BE WATCHING TV.
YOU CAN SEE THE BIND I'M IN.
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236. DAD, YOU'VE GOTTA LET
BART SEE THAT MOVIE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM LIKE THIS.
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237. OF A TENNESSEE WILLIAMS HEROINE.
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238. DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?
WELL, IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS.
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239. YOU LAID DOWN THE LAW,
AND I'M PROUD OF YOU.
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240. BUT I THINK WE'VE GOTTEN
THROUGH TO HIM.
AH, SWEET, SOFTHEARTED MARGE.
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241. YOU JUST CAN'T SEE
THE BIG PICTURE.
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242. IF I STICK TO MY GUNS,
THE BOY COULD WIND UP...
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243. OF THE SUPREME COURT.
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244. IF I FAIL,
THE BEST HE COULD DO...
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245. IS JUDGE AT A MR. TIGHT BUNS
COMPETITION.
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246. I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.
I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.
AND I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.
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247. ONE FOR ITCHY AND SCRATCHY.
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248. WE WOULDN'T.
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249. I'M HERE
AZTEC THEATER,
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250. WHERE, AFTER EIGHT MONTHS
AND NINE ACADEMY AWARDS,
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251. IS SHOWING FOR THE LAST TIME.
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252. TOMORROW, A NEW MOVIE
AND MICKEY ROURKE WILL OPEN.
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253. WILL IT BE AS SUCCESSFUL?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
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254. WELL, DAD,
I GUESS YOU WON.
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255. NO, SON.
WE BOTH WON.
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256. YOU DON'T KNOW IT NOW,
BUT I'VE STARTED YOU
ON THE ROAD...
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257. VERY SPECIAL.
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258. WELL, I'LL BE.
THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY MOVIE.
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259. COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
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260. ALL RIGHT. I THINK
YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
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261. OF THE SUPREME COURT.
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262. EH, EH, EH.
I'LL GET IT, SON.
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263. - THAT'LL BE $650.
- D'OH.
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264. ONE SOYLENT GREEN,
HOLD THE BUTTER.
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265. MMM. SOYLENT GREEN.
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266. GET OUT. GET OUT!
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267. YEA!
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268. WHICH ONE'S THE MOUSE?
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269. ITCHY.
ITCHY'S A JERK.
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270. YEAH.
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271. SHH!
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