1. The Simpsons.Copy !req
2. Children,
we've just been tipped offCopy !req
3. that Superintendent ChalmersCopy !req
4. is planning
a surprise inspection.Copy !req
5. So let's clean up this pigsty.Copy !req
6. Wha!Copy !req
7. On another topic,
the following studentsCopy !req
8. have won mountain bikes:Copy !req
9. Bart Simpson,Copy !req
10. Jimbo Jones,Copy !req
11. Nelson Muntz.Copy !req
12. I want you to keep filling
your shirt with crudCopy !req
13. till I get back.Copy !req
14. Yes, sir.Copy !req
15. You may pick your bikes up
in utility basement B.Copy !req
16. Fools.Copy !req
17. Still on.Copy !req
18. Hey, what do you think
he meantCopy !req
19. by that "fools" remark?Copy !req
20. Eh, who cares?
Time to get me a mountain bike.Copy !req
21. Hey, what gives?Copy !req
22. Where are
the mountain bikes?Copy !req
23. Sorry about
the ruse, gentlemen.Copy !req
24. You're being swept
under the rugCopy !req
25. for the superintendent's visit.Copy !req
26. Enjoy.Copy !req
27. How are we going
to get out of here?Copy !req
28. And when are we going
to get our mountain bikes?Copy !req
29. Would the world
judge me harshlyCopy !req
30. if I threw away
the key?Copy !req
31. No, but the P.T.A
would tear you a new arse.Copy !req
32. Wise counsel,
William,Copy !req
33. but the potty talk
adds nothing.Copy !req
34. Aye, sir.Copy !req
35. You bath-taking,
underpants-wearing, lily-hugger.Copy !req
36. Superintendent Chalmers,
welcome.Copy !req
37. Hello, Seymour.Copy !req
38. So, what's the word down
at 1 School Board Plaza?Copy !req
39. We're dropping
the geography requirement.Copy !req
40. The children
weren't testing well.Copy !req
41. It was proving to be
an embarrassment.Copy !req
42. Very good.
Back to the three "r's."Copy !req
43. Two "r's" come October.Copy !req
44. What do you think
of the banners?Copy !req
45. Nothing but
transparent toadying.Copy !req
46. They were the children's idea.
I tried to stop them.Copy !req
47. It's always
the children's fault,Copy !req
48. isn't it, Seymour?Copy !req
49. Yes. Yes, it is, sir.Copy !req
50. Imagine a school out there
with no bullies.Copy !req
51. Science geeks
not getting beat up.Copy !req
52. Kids using their
lunch money for food.Copy !req
53. I can't take it!Copy !req
54. Hey, I think I can squeeze
through that vent.Copy !req
55. All right.Copy !req
56. All right, Bart.
Do it, man.Copy !req
57. Now, remember,
little dude,Copy !req
58. you're our only hope.Copy !req
59. Got him!Copy !req
60. Way to go, man!Copy !req
61. May I interest you
in a Jell-O brick, sir?Copy !req
62. There's a grape
in the center.Copy !req
63. Well, I'm not made
of stone.Copy !req
64. You're not made
of stone.Copy !req
65. A brick, and you're
not made of... stone.Copy !req
66. Ah, my beauty.Copy !req
67. Wait till the
superintendent sees you.Copy !req
68. Were it not a violation
of God's law,Copy !req
69. I'd make you my wife.Copy !req
70. Now there's a lonely man.Copy !req
71. I'm new in town.Copy !req
72. Be there a cool lochCopy !req
73. where a lass could
wash her long red hair?Copy !req
74. Nay, but there's a pool
at me apartment complex.Copy !req
75. There was a rat
in the deep endCopy !req
76. but we got him.Copy !req
77. Ah. Lead on.Copy !req
78. 48... 49...Copy !req
79. 50.Copy !req
80. Flag's up to date.Copy !req
81. Very good, Seymour.Copy !req
82. Now, are these children
as smart as they look?Copy !req
83. Well, let's pick one
at random.Copy !req
84. How about that one?Copy !req
85. - You mean this boy here?
- No! No, Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
86. When was the Battle
of New Orleans?Copy !req
87. January 8, 1815,
two weeks after the war ended.Copy !req
88. First-rate.Copy !req
89. What's a battle?Copy !req
90. Let's go.Copy !req
91. Did that boy say
"What's a battle?"Copy !req
92. No. He said
"What's that rattle?"Copy !req
93. It's about
the heating ducts.Copy !req
94. It sounded like "battle."Copy !req
95. I've had a cold.Copy !req
96. So you hear
"r's" as "b's"?Copy !req
97. Yes.Copy !req
98. I understand.Copy !req
99. Come on, Bart.Copy !req
100. Ride me.Copy !req
101. I better not.Copy !req
102. He's insulting
both of us.Copy !req
103. Let's go.Copy !req
104. Excellent.
Not a trace of urine.Copy !req
105. Seymour,
you run a tight ship.Copy !req
106. Well, you know
what they say, sir,Copy !req
107. where there's no smoke,
there's no fire.Copy !req
108. What an odd remark.Copy !req
109. Why, that looks
like a 50¢ piece.Copy !req
110. I'll just bend over
and get it.Copy !req
111. It seems to be caught...Copy !req
112. ...between
these two flowers.Copy !req
113. No!Copy !req
114. Seymour, I was thinking
of promoting youCopy !req
115. to assistant superintendent,Copy !req
116. but instead, that plum
goes to Holloway.Copy !req
117. Oh, but, sir,
he's a drunk.Copy !req
118. - And a pill-popper.
- If I could just...Copy !req
119. Silence!Copy !req
120. And why is a cafeteria workerCopy !req
121. posing as a nurse?Copy !req
122. I get two paychecks
this way.Copy !req
123. There's no detention
this time, Simpson.Copy !req
124. This is the end.Copy !req
125. You are expelled
from Springfield Elementary.Copy !req
126. Tonight, on
Eye on Springfield:Copy !req
127. The munchkins
from "The Wizard of Oz."Copy !req
128. Where are they now?Copy !req
129. And, we'll visit
a nudist camp...Copy !req
130. for animals.Copy !req
131. But first, a look
at the local holidayCopy !req
132. that was called
distasteful and puerileCopy !req
133. by a panel of hillbillies...Copy !req
134. Whacking Day.Copy !req
135. Oh, no! No!Copy !req
136. In a tradition that dates
back to founding father.Copy !req
137. Jebediah Springfield,Copy !req
138. every May 10th,
local residents gatherCopy !req
139. to drive snakes
into the center of townCopy !req
140. and whack them
to snake heaven.Copy !req
141. After exposing Alger Hiss,Copy !req
142. honorary grand marshal
Richard NixonCopy !req
143. goes after
another deadly hiss.Copy !req
144. Is-is Whacking Day over?Copy !req
145. Thank you.Copy !req
146. Thanks for coming out.Copy !req
147. It's all so barbaric.Copy !req
148. Hey, kids, how was school?Copy !req
149. I learned how many drams
in a pennyweight.Copy !req
150. I got expelled.Copy !req
151. That's my boy.Copy !req
152. Mmm... beer.Copy !req
153. What?!Copy !req
154. Look, Dad,
I don't need school.Copy !req
155. I'll make my way
as a bootblack.Copy !req
156. Shine your boots,
guv'nor?Copy !req
157. No son of mine is gonna beCopy !req
158. a 19th century
cockney bootblack.Copy !req
159. We're gonna find
you another school.Copy !req
160. Now, remember, Bart,
this is a religious school.Copy !req
161. So be very careful about
what you say and do here.Copy !req
162. No problemo.Copy !req
163. Now, Bart,
since you're new here,Copy !req
164. perhaps you'd favor us
with a Psalm.Copy !req
165. How about... "Beans, Beans,
the Musical Fruit?"Copy !req
166. Well, beans were a staple
of the Israelites.Copy !req
167. Yes, proceed.Copy !req
168. "Beans, beans,
the musical fruitCopy !req
169. the more you eat,
the more you toot."Copy !req
170. Avert your eyes,
children!Copy !req
171. He may take
on other forms!Copy !req
172. I guess that's it.Copy !req
173. I just can't be educated.Copy !req
174. I can always get a jobCopy !req
175. testing dangerous
food additives.Copy !req
176. We'd like you to try
this new diet cola.Copy !req
177. We call it
Nature's Goodness.Copy !req
178. - What's in it?
- 2-4-desoxyprophenuramine.Copy !req
179. Sweet.Copy !req
180. Pleasing taste,
some monsterism.Copy !req
181. Cool.Copy !req
182. You're going to get
an education.Copy !req
183. I'm going to teach you myself.Copy !req
184. Marge, it's too late.Copy !req
185. The boy is ten years old.Copy !req
186. Let's focus our energy
on Lisa and the other one.Copy !req
187. What's your problem?Copy !req
188. - Whacking Day is coming.
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
189. The greatest day
of the year.Copy !req
190. But killing snakes is evil.Copy !req
191. Maybe so, Lisa,Copy !req
192. but it's part of our,
oh, so human nature.Copy !req
193. Inside every man is a struggle
between good and evilCopy !req
194. that cannot be resolved.Copy !req
195. I am evil Homer,
I am evil HomerCopy !req
196. I am evil Homer
I am evil Homer...Copy !req
197. Have a nice day
at school, Lis.Copy !req
198. I'll just try and make
the best of a bad situation.Copy !req
199. Bart, get dressed
for school.Copy !req
200. I expect you to be in your
seat when the bell rings.Copy !req
201. I bought a bell.Copy !req
202. I think I'll unplug that.Copy !req
203. I'm your new teacher.Copy !req
204. My name is Mrs. Simpson.Copy !req
205. I didn't do it.Copy !req
206. Oh, that's right.Copy !req
207. I invited a guest speaker
to talk to the class.Copy !req
208. Hello, children.Copy !req
209. I got separated from my platoonCopy !req
210. after we parachuted
into Dusseldorf.Copy !req
211. So I rode out the warCopy !req
212. posing as a German
cabaret singer.Copy !req
213. Won't you come home,
Franz Brauder?Copy !req
214. Won't you come home?Copy !req
215. Yoo-hoo!Copy !req
216. Ach, du lieber!
Das ist not eine booby!Copy !req
217. Is that story true, Grampa?Copy !req
218. Well, most of it.Copy !req
219. I did wear a dress
for a period in the '40s.Copy !req
220. Oh, they had
designers then.Copy !req
221. Look what I got, Marge.Copy !req
222. A new whacking stick.Copy !req
223. Whack!Copy !req
224. Excuse me.Copy !req
225. Whack, whack, whack!Copy !req
226. Whoo, whoo, whoo!Copy !req
227. Bart, I'd like you
to read this copyCopy !req
228. of "Johnny Tremain."Copy !req
229. It's a book I read
as a girl.Copy !req
230. A book?Copy !req
231. I think you might
like this.Copy !req
232. It's about a boy
who goes to war.Copy !req
233. His hand is deformed
in an accident.Copy !req
234. Deformed?Copy !req
235. Why didn't you say so?Copy !req
236. They should call this book
"Johnny Deformed".Copy !req
237. Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight.Copy !req
238. The Itchy
and Scratchy show.Copy !req
239. - Oh, god!
- Get his gun!Copy !req
240. The Itchy
and Scratchy showCopy !req
241. "...hundreds would dieCopy !req
242. "but not the thing
they died for.Copy !req
243. A man can stand up."Copy !req
244. Wow.Copy !req
245. If you'd like to learn moreCopy !req
246. about colonial times, we could take
a field trip to Olde Springfield Towne.Copy !req
247. - Dad.
- Wha!Copy !req
248. Dad!Copy !req
249. Everyone likes Whacking Day,
but I hate it.Copy !req
250. Is there something wrong
with me?Copy !req
251. Yes, honey.Copy !req
252. Then what should I do?Copy !req
253. Just squeeze your rage
into a bitter little ballCopy !req
254. and release it at
an appropriate time.Copy !req
255. Like that day
I hit the refereeCopy !req
256. with a whiskey bottle.Copy !req
257. - Remember that?
- Yeah.Copy !req
258. When daddy hit
the referee?Copy !req
259. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
260. Any experience?Copy !req
261. Yes. I played
Panicky Idiot ♪2Copy !req
262. in "The Poseidon Adventure".Copy !req
263. Sorry, we're looking
for more of a "duh, duh" idiot.Copy !req
264. But... No, I see.Copy !req
265. Hello, Barney.Copy !req
266. Are you playing
the town drunk?Copy !req
267. Actually, I'm supposed
to be the governor.Copy !req
268. The enemy
surrounded the fort,Copy !req
269. and said that if
the captain was sent out,Copy !req
270. the rest would be spared.Copy !req
271. - What did they do?
- They sent him out.Copy !req
272. - Was he killed?
- And how!Copy !req
273. That's why they call it
Fort Sensible.Copy !req
274. This is Jebediah Springfield
at the Battle of Ticonderoga.Copy !req
275. Next.Copy !req
276. And here he is
killing a snakeCopy !req
277. on the very first
Whacking Day in 1775.Copy !req
278. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
279. That was the same day
he was at Ticonderoga.Copy !req
280. How could he be in
two places at once?Copy !req
281. You see...Copy !req
282. He'll blow the whole deal.Copy !req
283. Get him out of here.Copy !req
284. Roger.Copy !req
285. If you want to learn
more about Whacking Day,Copy !req
286. there are many fine books
in our gift shop.Copy !req
287. Welcome to your official
Whacking Day headquarters.Copy !req
288. I've hidden a snake
somewhere in the store.Copy !req
289. The first one to whack it
gets a free Squishee.Copy !req
290. I got it.Copy !req
291. No. That's a licorice whip.Copy !req
292. Over here near the beer.Copy !req
293. Hey, hey!Copy !req
294. Oh, I should have put
more thought into my promotion.Copy !req
295. Aim for the body, men.Copy !req
296. Right, chief.Copy !req
297. And the Lord said.Copy !req
298. "Whack ye all the serpents
which crawl on their belliesCopy !req
299. "and thy town shall beCopy !req
300. a beacon unto others."Copy !req
301. So you see, Lisa,
even God himselfCopy !req
302. endorses Whacking Day.Copy !req
303. Let me see that.Copy !req
304. Mmm, no.Copy !req
305. O Whacking Day.Copy !req
306. O Whacking Day.Copy !req
307. Our hallowed
snake skull-cracking day.Copy !req
308. We'll break their backs,
gouge out their eyes.Copy !req
309. Their evil hearts,
we'll pulverize.Copy !req
310. O Whacking Day,
O Whacking Day.Copy !req
311. May God bestow
His grace on thee.Copy !req
312. Here you go.Copy !req
313. Official Whacking Day parking.Copy !req
314. Ten dollars per axle.Copy !req
315. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
316. Hooray!Copy !req
317. Take that, snake.Copy !req
318. And you too.Copy !req
319. Snakes! Snakes everywhere!Copy !req
320. Getting ready
for Whacking Day?Copy !req
321. What's Whacking Day?Copy !req
322. Did you bring
the pre-whacked snakes?Copy !req
323. Beautiful.Copy !req
324. Well, Marge,
should I whack slow or fast?Copy !req
325. Slow, then fast.Copy !req
326. Dad, please,Copy !req
327. for the last time,
I beg you,Copy !req
328. don't lower yourself
to the level of the mob.Copy !req
329. Lisa, maybe
if I'm part of that mob,Copy !req
330. I can help steer it
in wise directions.Copy !req
331. Now, where's my giant foam
cowboy hat and air horn?Copy !req
332. And now to open
this year's festivities,Copy !req
333. here's our Grand MarshallCopy !req
334. the prophet of love,
Larry White.Copy !req
335. Barry White.Copy !req
336. No, it says here
Larry White.Copy !req
337. I know my own name.Copy !req
338. Yeah? Well, we'll see.Copy !req
339. Ladies and gentlemen,
my unlimited love to y'all.Copy !req
340. It's truly an honor
to be here at this...Copy !req
341. Hey, what is this
all about anyway?Copy !req
342. Oh, God, no.Copy !req
343. You people make me sick.Copy !req
344. Were they even
listening to me?Copy !req
345. I, uh, don't think so.Copy !req
346. And now, let's hear it
for our own Miss Springfield.Copy !req
347. Gentlemen,
start your whacking.Copy !req
348. Eww! A bug!Copy !req
349. If the snakes
were in here,Copy !req
350. we could protect them.Copy !req
351. Well, according to this,Copy !req
352. snakes hear by sensing
vibrations in the ground,Copy !req
353. so if we put our
stereo speakers on the groundCopy !req
354. and play something
with a lot of bass,Copy !req
355. those snakes will be in here
like Oprah on a baked ham.Copy !req
356. Oh, good idea. Let's see.Copy !req
357. Bass, bass...Copy !req
358. "Tiny Tim",
"The Chipmunks Greatest Hits",Copy !req
359. "A Castrato Christmas."Copy !req
360. Can't get enough
of your love, babe.Copy !req
361. Mr. White, can we
borrow you for a minute?Copy !req
362. Anything...
for a lady.Copy !req
363. Don't bother the snakes.Copy !req
364. Leave all the snakes.Copy !req
365. Alone.Copy !req
366. Ah, yeah.Copy !req
367. Oh-whoa, babe.Copy !req
368. Come here.Copy !req
369. My darling, I...Copy !req
370. Can't get enough
of your love, babe.Copy !req
371. Girl, I don't know,
I don't know why.Copy !req
372. Can't get enough
of your love, babe.Copy !req
373. Some things
I can't get used to.Copy !req
374. No matter how I try.Copy !req
375. It's like the more you
give, the more I want.Copy !req
376. And, baby, that's no...Copy !req
377. That's no lie.Copy !req
378. Tell me, what can I say?Copy !req
379. In here!Copy !req
380. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
381. How should
I feel when...Copy !req
382. Hey, where did
all the snakes go?Copy !req
383. People of Springfield,
Whacking Day is a sham!Copy !req
384. It was started in 1924Copy !req
385. as an excuse
to beat up the Irish.Copy !req
386. 'Tis true.
I took many a lump,Copy !req
387. but 'twas all in good fun.Copy !req
388. Now wait a minute!Copy !req
389. How can you people
turn on snakesCopy !req
390. after all they've
done for you?Copy !req
391. I'm an old man.Copy !req
392. I hate everything
but Matlock.Copy !req
393. Ooh, it's on now.Copy !req
394. Mrs. Glick, who killed
all those rats in your basement?Copy !req
395. Snake did.Copy !req
396. You like snakes,
don't you, Barry White?Copy !req
397. I love the sexy slither
of a lady snake.Copy !req
398. Oh, baby.Copy !req
399. Hooray for snakes!Copy !req
400. Hooray for snakes!Copy !req
401. Look at this, everyone,
12 dead snakes.Copy !req
402. I'm sick of you people.Copy !req
403. You're nothing but a pack
of fickle mush-heads.Copy !req
404. He's right.Copy !req
405. Give us hell, Quimby!Copy !req
406. Born free.Copy !req
407. As free as the wind blows.Copy !req
408. As free
as the grass grows...Copy !req
409. Bart, I'm very impressedCopy !req
410. at the independent learning
you've displayed here.Copy !req
411. Thanks, Seymour.Copy !req
412. Uh... yes.Copy !req
413. Um, anyway, as a reward
for your studying,Copy !req
414. I've decided to welcome you
back to our school.Copy !req
415. You'll be reunited with
your chums, Nelson, Jimbo, D...Copy !req
416. Oh, dear God!Copy !req
417. I guess I've always
used violenceCopy !req
418. as a way of
getting attention.Copy !req
419. Yes, yes,
me too.Copy !req
420. - Oh...
- Oh...Copy !req
421. Faster, Willie, faster.Copy !req
422. Now we give them the bikes,
no one sues.Copy !req
423. What if they're dead, sir?Copy !req
424. Then we ride these bikes
to Mexico and freedom, Willie!Copy !req
425. Freedom!Copy !req
426. Freedom.Copy !req
427. Yeah, I'll turn you in
at the first toll booth.Copy !req