The Simpsons 4x16

Directed by Jim Reardon

Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice) / Ms. Melon (voice) • Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz / Troy McClure (voice) • Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice)

After a DUI, Homer swears off beer for a month. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa's sibling rivalry plays out in the school science fair.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'OH!

2. WELL, EDNA, FOR A SCHOOL WITH NO ASIAN KIDS,

3. SCIENCE FAIR. IT—

4. - "GO-GO RAY"? - ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.

5. AAH! CAN'T... STOP...

6. DOING... THE MONKEY.

7. I'M DISRUPTING THE LEARNING PROCESS, AND I LOVE IT!

8. FIRST PRIZE!

9. - FIRST PRIZE! FIRST PRIZE! - FIRST PRIZE!

10. FIRST PRIZE! FIRST PRIZE!

11. WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT? JUST SCREWIN' WITH YOUR MIND.

12. HOMER, I WANT YOU WITH HER SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT.

13. YEAH. SYRUP IS BETTER THAN JELLY.

14. I'VE GROWN A FUTURISTIC TOMATO...

15. WITH ANABOLIC STEROIDS.

16. REACH NEW PEAKS OF EXCELLENCE?

17. THE VERY SAME. COULD WIPE OUT WORLD HUNGER.

18. MORE TOMATO?

19. YES, PLEASE. YES, PLEASE.

20. WHERE'S YOUR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT, BOY?

21. I'D INVESTIGATE THE EFFECTS OF CIGARETTE SMOKING ON DOGS.

22. BART! DON'T GIVE THE DOG CIGARETTES.

23. WELL, TIME TO GO TO WORK.

24. LITTLE DO THEY KNOW, I'M DUCKING OUT EARLY...

25. TO TAKE THE DUFF BREWERY TOUR.

26. ROLL IN AT 9:00, PUNCH OUT AT 5:00. THAT'S THE PLAN.

27. HEH, HEH, HEH! THEY DON'T SUSPECT A THING.

28. WELL, OFF TO THE PLANT,

29. THEN TO THE DUFF BREWERY.

30. UH-OH. DID I SAY THAT OR JUST THINK IT?

31. OF A LINE FAST.

32. HOMER, ARE YOU GOING TO THE DUFF BREWERY?

33. "IF THE PLANT YE WISH TO FLEE,

34. GO TO SECTOR 7-B."

35. AAH!

36. "TO OVERCOME THE SPIDER'S CURSE, SIMPLY QUOTE A BIBLE VERSE."

37. UH. THOU SHALT NOT—

38. D'OH!

39. HEY. THAT LOOKS LIKE PRINCESS DI.

40. AW, WAIT. IT'S JUST A PILE OF RAGS.

41. OH, BART.

42. I FORGOT MY MATH BOOK. FOR ME, PLEASE?

43. "SOITENLY." NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!

44. OVER, UNDER, IN AND OUT. THAT'S WHAT SHOE TYING'S ALL ABOUT.

45. HUH?

46. NO!

47. BART!

48. TO THE DUFF BREWERY.

49. NOW, I'M SURE ALL OF YOU HAVE HEARD THE RUMORS...

50. WITH STRYCHNINE.

51. - STRYCHNINE? - THAT'S NEWS TO ME.

52. ARE YOU SURE? WELL, EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT.

53. LAST NIGHT. CNN?

54. NO, I DIDN'T SEE A THING.

55. WELL, IT'S NOT TRUE. LET'S GO.

56. NOW, HERE'S ONE OF OUR FAVORITE DUFF BEER COMMERCIALS...

57. FROM THE EARLY 1950s.

58. YOUR "Q" ZONE...

59. WITH PURE BEER GOODNESS.

60. SO DRINK UP... AND UP... AND UP!

61. DUFF BEER! PROUD SPONSORS OF AMOS 'N' ANDY.

62. HEH. WE'RE PROUD OF ALL OF OUR DUFF COMMERCIALS,

63. BUT HERE'S A VERY SPECIAL ONE FROM 1960.

64. WELL, I WOULD SUGGEST, MR. VANOCUR, THAT, UH,

65. IF YOU KNEW THE PRESIDENT, UH, THAT THAT WAS PROBABLY JUST A FACETIOUS REMARK.

66. FROM OUR SPONSOR.

67. THIS OPPORTUNITY...

68. FOR DUFF BEER.

69. I'D, UH, ALSO LIKE FOR THAT PARTICULAR BEER.

70. A DUFF IN HIS LIFE.

71. WELL, AND HERE WE HAVE DUFF, DUFF LITE...

72. DUFF DRY.

73. HOLD FOR DUFF?

74. LET'S JUST SAY WE'VE GOT A FEW IDEAS UP OUR SLEEVE.

75. - LIKE WHAT? - UH— I'D RATHER NOT GET INTO IT RIGHT NOW.

76. - WHY NOT? - ALL RIGHT. WE DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR THE FUTURE.

77. - WE GOT NOTHING. HAPPY? - NO.

78. MOM, BART WRECKED MY PROJECT, AND THE SCIENCE FAIR'S IN THREE DAYS.

79. WELL, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

80. WHY DON'T YOU RUN A HAMSTER THROUGH A MAZE?

81. HELP ME! HELP ME!

82. WHAT'S SO FUNNY? OH. UH,

83. I WAS JUST THINKIN' OF A JOKE I SAW ON HERMAN'S HEAD.

84. WELL, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN ON THE TOUR.

85. HE'S IN CHARGE OF QUALITY CONTROL.

86. FINE. FINE. MOUSE. FINE. MOUSE.

87. RAT. FINE. SYRINGE. FINE. NOSE. FINE.

88. LET ME JUST SAY YOU'RE DOIN' A GREAT JOB, PHIL.

89. HEY, THANKS A LOT. ALL WORTHWHILE.

90. MMM! GUMMI BEER.

91. HEY, BARNEY, I THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

92. ARE YOU CRAZY? WE STILL HAVEN'T TRIED RASPBERRY DUFF,

93. LADY DUFF,

94. BARNEY, GIVE ME YOUR KEYS. YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE.

95. I'M FINE! OKAY. YOU LEAVE ME NO OPTION.

96. OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

97. I'M TRYING TO KNOCK YOU OUT.

98. OW! CUT IT OUT!

99. OW! OW!

100. OW! OW! OW!

101. ALL RIGHT. HERE, TAKE THE KEYS.

102. LOOK ALIVE, BOYS. HEADIN' YOUR WAY.

103. GULP!

104. FLAWLESS. WE ALSO WOULD'VE ACCEPTED "TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ME."

105. WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE FREE TO— THE BREATHALYZER!

106. HUH?

107. - YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. - D'OH!

108. GET THIS CAR HOME?

109. SURE THING, GIANT BEER.

110. OOH! OW! OW! OW! MOTHER OF MERCY!

111. HEY!

112. THIS IS KINDA FUN. WHEE!

113. WHEE! OW!

114. HELLO?

115. UH, YEAH, MRS. SIMPSON, I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

116. WAS FOUND D.O.A.

117. - OH, MY GOD! HE'S DEAD? - OH, WAIT. I MEAN D.W.I.

118. THOSE TWO MIXED UP.

119. MY NAME'S MRS. PHILLIPS. YOU SAID MY HUSBAND IS D.W.I.

120. UH— WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO THAT OFFICER OVER THERE?

121. I'M GOIN' OUT TO LUNCH.

122. DON'T WORRY, HOMER. TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

123. THAN THE LAST.

124. WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM.

125. PIPE DOWN IN THERE, HUTZ!

126. IS HEREBY REVOKED...

127. OF ALCH-ANON MEETINGS.

128. YOUR HONOR, I'D LIKE THAT LAST REMARK STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD.

129. NO.

130. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS.

131. HAMSTER YOU'VE GOT.

132. OKAY. UH—

133. WRITES MYSTERIES...

134. OF J.D. MacGREGOR.

135. WRITE MYSTERIES?

136. WELL, HE GETS THE ENDING FIRST. THEN HE WORKS BACKWARD.

137. - AW, COME ON. - LOOK, KID, JUST TAKE HIM BEFORE HIS MOTHER EATS HIM.

138. AT WORK, HONEY.

139. HA HA!

140. STUPID BICYCLE. CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. NO-GOOD, ROTTEN—

141. I GUESS IT'S NOT ALL BAD.

142. DUMBER THAN A HAMSTER?

143. HEY, LISE, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

144. DOGGONE IT.

145. AH! REMARKABLE.

146. STUPID BOOKS. HEY! A CUPCAKE.

147. UH-HUH. AAH!

148. - ONE. - ZERO.

149. EXPERIMENT TWO.

150. TO A MILD ELECTRICAL CURRENT.

151. BEWARE THE HAND OF MAN.

152. OH! A WISE GUY, EH?

153. OW! OW! OW!

154. TWO.

155. ZERO.

156. NOW, IF ANY OF YOU EVER THINK OF DRINKING AND DRIVING AGAIN,

157. THE PANTS OFF OF YA.

158. - AAH! - GUYS, GUYS! THIS IS THE WRONG MOVIE.

159. OH, WAIT A SECOND. REALLY FUNNY HERE.

160. WHAT A TERRIBLE WASTE.

161. HI! I'M ACTOR TROY McCLURE.

162. FROM SUCH DRIVER'S ED FILMS...

163. AS ALICE'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD GLASS...

164. OF LARRY LEADFOOT.

165. FOR THE NEXT 60 MINUTES, WE'LL BE SEEING...

166. OF CAR-CRASH VICTIMS.

167. HERE'S AN APPEALING FELLOW.

168. IN FACT, THEY'RE A-PEELING HIM OFF THE SIDEWALK.

169. IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW HIM.

170. I'M HERE FOR THE ALCH-ANON MEETING.

171. MM-HMM. THIRD DOOR ON YOUR LEFT.

172. COPING WITH SENILITY? NO! I'M HERE FOR MICROWAVE COOKERY.

173. NO, WAIT. COPING WITH SENILITY.

174. - MY NAME IS NED. - HELLO, NED!

175. IT'S BEEN 4,000 DAYS SINCE MY LAST DRINK.

176. BLACKBERRY SCHNAPPS.

177. NED, DID YOU CLIP ANN LANDERS TODAY?

178. ANN LANDERS IS A BORING OLD BIDDY. NED!

179. I WAS MORE ANIMAL THAN MAN!

180. MY NAME IS OTTO.

181. I LOVE TO GET BLOTTO.

182. MY NAME IS HANS.

183. DRINKING HAS RUINED MY LIFE.

184. I'M 31 YEARS OLD.

185. MY NAME IS HOMER, AND I'M JUST HERE BECAUSE THE COURT MADE ME COME.

186. HOMER, WITH OUR HELP, YOU'LL NEVER TOUCH A BEER AGAIN.

187. HAVE A PROBLEM.

188. HOMIE, DO YOU EVER DRINK ALONE?

189. COUNT AS A PERSON? - NO.

190. THEN, YES.

191. TO FALL ASLEEP? THANK YOU. THAT'D BE NICE.

192. AROUND THE HOUSE?

193. DO I EVER! AH!

194. TO ESCAPE FROM REALITY?

195. HOMIE. I'D LIKE YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. YOU NAME IT.

196. FOR A MONTH.

197. YOU GOT IT. NO DEER FOR A MONTH.

198. DID YOU SAY "BEER" OR "DEER"?

199. - DEER. - PLEASE, HOMIE.

200. YOU CAN DO THIS.

201. ALL RIGHT. STARTING TOMORROW, NO BEER FOR A MONTH.

202. WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?

203. I WAS SAYING, "PSST! I LOVE YOU."

204. BART, COULD YOU GO GET THE CUPCAKES? CUPCAKES! CUPCAKES!

205. YES. SWEET CAKES FOR ALL.

206. WELL, BEER, WE'VE HAD SOME GREAT TIMES.

207. HUH?

208. SHE'LL PAY FOR THIS. I'M GONNA CRUSH HER LIKE THIS PELLET.

209. OW! OW! OW!

210. OW! OW!

211. - LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? WITH MY REPORT?

212. I'VE HIDDEN IT. TO FIND IT, YOU'LL NEED TO DECIPHER A SERIES OF CLUES, EACH MORE FIENDISH—

213. GOT IT. D'OH!

214. IN ALL ITS GLORY!

215. PRETTY LAME, MILHOUSE.

216. CAN I TOUCH IT? I'VE WORKED TOO LONG AND HARD ON THIS...

217. FOR YOU TO SCREW IT UP NOW.

218. BUT IT'S GOT MY NAME ON IT. JUST STAND OVER THERE.

219. OVER THERE!

220. THAT WILL CARRY ME,

221. PHILEAS FOGG, AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS.

222. DANG! I WAS AIMIN' FOR HIS HEAD.

223. DON'T THINK ABOUT BEER.

224. HMM? ALCOHOL-FUELED CAR?

225. ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.

226. ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.

227. I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE ON YOUR BROTHER.

228. PLEASE, MOTHER.

229. IT'S PURELY IN THE INTEREST OF SCIENCE.

230. THAT'LL LEARN HIM TO BUST MY "TOMATER."

231. STEP RIGHT UP, FOLKS!

232. WE'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION

233. CAN HAMSTERS FLY PLANES?

234. OH, LOOK. HE'S GOT MINIATURE GOGGLES ON.

235. AW. AND A LITTLE SCARF. ISN'T THAT ADORABLE! OH!

236. HAS NO SCIENTIFIC MERIT!

237. TAKE A HIKE, SISTER. SOUR GRAPES.

238. LISA, EVERY GOOD SCIENTIST IS HALF B.F. SKINNER AND HALF P.T. BARNUM.

239. I DON'T THINK I NEED TO SEE THE OTHER EXHIBITS.

240. FIRST PRIZE!

241. ONE DOWN, 29 TO GO.

242. DOWN WITH SEXISM! DOWN WITH SEXISM!

243. LOOK AT ALL THOSE FEMINISTS. YOU THINKIN' WHAT I'M THINKIN'?

244. YEAH! YEAH! ALL RIGHT!

245. ALL RIGHT!

246. TV, HAVE YOU TURNED ON ME TOO?

247. AND THE 2-2 PITCH.

248. OH, NO, SIR. WAIT A MINUTE.

249. IS CALLING FOR TIME.

250. LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOIN' AND GETTIN' HIMSELF A NEW BAT.

251. AND NOW THERE'S ON THE FIELD,

252. AND THE BALL BOYS ARE DISCUSSIN' WHICH ONE OF THEM'S GONNA GO GET IT.

253. HOW BORING THIS GAME IS.

254. I THINK I'VE LOST WEIGHT.

255. YOU'VE NEVER LOOKED BETTER.

256. THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING.

257. WE'VE GOT SOME IN THE FIELD OF SUPPERWARE.

258. UH-HUH. THIS IS THE 128-OUNCE TUB.

259. YOU CAN FIT YOUR WHOLE HEAD IN IT.

260. DON'T BE SCARED, JUB JUB. IT'S MAMA.

261. EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM...

262. FOR A DROP OF SWEET BEER.

263. SO, HOMER, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL US ANYTHING.

264. THERE'S NO JUDGMENT HERE.

265. THE OTHER DAY, I WAS SO DESPERATE FOR A BEER,

266. UNDER THE BLEACHERS.

267. I CAST THEE OUT!

268. DON'T THINK ABOUT BEER. DON'T THINK ABOUT BEER. DON'T THINK ABOUT BEER.

269. CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG.

270. CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG, CHUGALUG.

271. NO!

272. THIRTY DAYS. I'M PROUD OF YOU, HOMIE.

273. MARGE, I'M GOIN' TO MOE'S. SEND THE KIDS TO THE NEIGHBORS. I'M COMIN' BACK LOADED.

274. YOU DON'T HAVE TO START DRINKING RIGHT AWAY.

275. WE COULD GO FOR A BIKE RIDE.

276. BUT, MARGE,

277. WHO CALLS ME BILL.

278. BUT YOU LOOK BETTER. YOU DON'T SWEAT WHILE YOU EAT ANYMORE.

279. AND LOOK. YOU'VE SAVED MORE THAN A HUNDRED DOLLARS.

280. I FOUND IT IN YOUR PANTS. YOINK!

281. WELL, WELL.

282. MR. "I DON'T NEED ALCOHOL TO ENJOY LIFE."

283. WE HATE 'IM, RIGHT, FELLAS?

284. MOE, GIMME A BEER. HEY, EVERYBODY! HOMER'S BACK.

285. COME ON, HOMER. DO IT FOR YOUR OLD PAL, MOESY.

286. BUT, MOE, YESTERDAY,

287. PIPE DOWN, RUB-A-DUB! OW.

288. PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE, MOE. I'VE GOT A DATE WITH MY WIFE.

289. YOU'LL BE BACK! AND SO WILL YOU...

290. AND YOU... AND YOU.

291. OF COURSE I'LL BE BACK. IF YOU DIDN'T CLOSE, I'D NEVER LEAVE.