The Simpsons 4x12

Directed by Rich Moore

Leonard Nimoy as himself (voice) • Leonard Nimoy as Leonard Nimoy (voice) • Phil Hartman as Lyle Lanley (voice)

When Springfield gets a sudden windfall, a charismatic traveling salesman convinces the town to build a monorail.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'OH!

2. YABBA DABBA DO!

3. AFTER WE SEAL 'EM?

4. I HEAR THEY DUMP 'EM AND COVER 'EM WITH CEMENT.

5. I HEAR THEY'RE SENDING 'EM WHERE THE GOVERNOR'S A CROOK.

6. EITHER WAY, I'M SLEEPING GOOD TONIGHT.

7. WELL, SIR, WHERE SHALL WE DUMP THIS BATCH? THE PLAYGROUND? NO.

8. ARE AROUSING SUSPICION. TO THE PARK!

9. I THINK IT'S FULL, SIR. THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

10. HELD NINE DRUMS.

11. AGENT MALONE, ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY.

12. OF "HIDE THE OOZE."

13. MR. BURNS, CONTEMPT FOR HUMAN LIFE,

14. THREE MILLION DOLLARS.

15. SMITHERS, MY WALLET'S IN MY RIGHT FRONT POCKET.

16. OH, AND, UH, I'LL TAKE THAT STATUE OF JUSTICE TOO.

17. SOLD!

18. OH, ANDY CAPP.

19. YOU WIFE-BEATING DRUNK.

20. OOH! THERE'S GOING TO BE A TOWN MEETING TO DECIDE...

21. MR. BURNS'S MONEY.

22. OH, WHAT A BOON IT COULD BE PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

23. CHILDREN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR HISTORY LESSON.

24. VIRTUAL REALITY HELMETS.

25. MMM, EXCELLENT. HELLO, LISA.

26. I'M GENGHIS KHAN. YOU'LL GO WHERE I GO,

27. DEFILE WHAT I DEFILE, EAT WHO I EAT.

28. HMM?

29. COME ON, LISE. THIS MONEY SHOULD,

30. NAY, MUST BE SPENT.

31. AAH! OH!

32. BART, WE'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

33. YOUR GIANT MECHANICAL ANTS!

34. AAH! WHOA!

35. WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD SPEND THE MONEY ON SOMETHING...

36. CAN BE PROUD OF.

37. THAT SAYS, "NO FAT CHICKS"? - NO!

38. SPRINGFIELD SHOWED UP FOR THIS.

39. HA-HA!

40. BE ANY STUPIDER?

41. ORDER! PLEASE RISE FOR THE, UH, PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.

42. - GET TO THE MONEY! - IN A MOMENT.

43. FIRST, LET'S REVIEW THE MINUTES FROM OUR LAST MEETING.

44. GET TO THE MONEY! GET TO THE MONEY!

45. - GET TO THE MONEY! - VERY WELL.

46. FOR THE, UH, DISBURSEMENT...

47. OF THE, UH, TWO MILLION DOLLARS.

48. DON'T YOU MEAN THREE MILLION DOLLARS?

49. OF COURSE. HOW SILLY OF ME.

50. EXCUSE ME. TO HIRE FIREMEN...

51. ON THE EAST SIDE OF TOWN. BORING!

52. HELLO. MY NAME IS MR. SNRUB,

53. AND I COME FROM, UH, SOMEPLACE FAR AWAY.

54. YES, THAT WILL DO. ANYWAY,

55. BACK IN THE NUCLEAR PLANT.

56. I LIKE THE WAY SNRUB THINKS.

57. PARDON ME, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THIS MONEY...

58. SPENT ON MORE POLICE OFFICERS.

59. EIGHT TIMES THIS YEAR,

60. AND AS A RESULT, I ALMOST MISSED WORK.

61. - CRYBABY. - MY NAME IS MARGE SIMPSON, AND I HAVE AN IDEA.

62. - IT MAY SOUND A LITTLE BORING AT FIRST. - CHAT AWAY.

63. I'LL JUST AMUSE MYSELF WITH SOME PORNOGRAPHIC PLAYING CARDS.

64. OH. WELL, SURELY YOU'VE ALL NOTICED...

65. MAIN STREET IS IN.

66. ON OUR TIRES...

67. AND CARRYING TOO MUCH WEIGHT.

68. WHOO-HOO! LOOK AT THAT PAVEMENT FLY!

69. ARE BECOMING A REAL NUISANCE.

70. HO!

71. NOW HOLD ON JUST ONE MINUTE.

72. SURE, WE COULD FIX UP MAIN STREET.

73. IN ONE BASKET.

74. SHUT UP! I WASN'T DONE YET.

75. I'M JUST SAYING WE COULD BLOW ALL OUR MONEY...

76. LITTLE STREET, BUT—

77. OH! I AIN'T FER IT. I'M AGIN IT!

78. MAIN STREET! MAIN STREET! MAIN STREET!

79. OF GRAMPA SIMPSON'S PLAN...

80. MAIN STREET, PLEASE—

81. YOU KNOW, A TOWN WITH MONEY'S WITH A SPINNING WHEEL.

82. NO ONE KNOWS HOW HE GOT IT, HOW TO USE IT.

83. MULE.

84. THE NAME'S LANLEY, LYLE LANLEY,

85. WITH AN IDEA.

86. AH, IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

87. IT'S MORE OF A SHELBYVILLE IDEA.

88. NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

89. WE'RE TWICE AS SMART AS THE PEOPLE OF SHELBYVILLE.

90. JUST TELL US YOUR IDEA, AND WE'LL VOTE FOR IT.

91. ALL RIGHT. I TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.

92. I'LL SHOW YOU MY IDEA.

93. THE SPRINGFIELD MONORAIL!

94. I'VE SOLD MONORAILS TO BROCKWAY, OGDENVILLE AND NORTH HAVERBROOK,

95. AND BY GUM, IT PUT THEM ON THE MAP!

96. WELL, SIR, THERE'S NOTHING ON EARTH LIKE A GENUINE, BONA FIDE,

97. ELECTRIFIED, SIX-CAR MONORAIL.

98. WHAT'D I SAY? MONORAIL!

99. - WHAT'S IT CALLED? - MONORAIL!

100. - THAT'S RIGHT, MONORAIL! - MONORAIL. MONORAIL. MONORAIL.

101. ARE AWFULLY LOUD.

102. AS A CLOUD.

103. THE TRACK COULD BEND?

104. NOT ON YOUR LIFE, MY HINDU FRIEND.

105. US BRAIN-DEAD SLOBS?

106. YOU'LL BE GIVEN CUSHY JOBS.

107. BY THE DEVIL?

108. NO, GOOD SIR. I'M ON THE LEVEL.

109. MY PUDDING CAN!

110. TAKE MY PEN KNIFE, MY GOOD MAN.

111. I SWEAR IT'S SPRINGFIELD'S ONLY CHOICE.

112. AND RAISE YOUR VOICE.

113. BUT MAIN STREET'S STILL ALL CRACKED AND BROKEN.

114. SORRY, MOM, THE MOB HAS SPOKEN.

115. MONORAIL!

116. D'OH!

117. MONORAIL! MONORAIL! MONORAIL!

118. TO FIX MAIN STREET.

119. WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN A SONG LIKE THAT GUY.

120. THANK YOU FOR COMING, MR. LANLEY. I'M MISS HOOVER.

121. MISS HOOVER? THAT IS HARD TO BELIEVE.

122. OH, YOU.

123. I'M HERE TO ANSWER HAVE ABOUT THE MONORAIL.

124. ME! ME!

125. - CAN IT OUTRUN THE FLASH? - YOU BET.

126. CAN SUPERMAN OUTRUN THE FLASH?

127. UH, SURE. WHY NOT? HELLO, LITTLE GIRL.

128. FOR FREE?

129. HARDLY. I'D LIKE YOU TO EXPLAIN...

130. A MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM...

131. A CENTRALIZED POPULATION.

132. YOUNG LADY,

133. THAT'S THE MOST I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED.

134. - REALLY? - OH, I COULD GIVE YOU AN ANSWER.

135. WHO'D UNDERSTAND IT WOULD BE YOU AND ME,

136. YOUR TEACHER.

137. NEXT QUESTION. YOU THERE, EATING THE PASTE.

138. COMING SOON, IT'S THE MOVIE,

139. THE VOICE OF JOHN TRUCKASAURUS.

140. YOU CRAZY CAR. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER...

141. - TO EAT YOU OR KISS YOU. - CELEBRITY VOICE IMPERSONATED.

142. ARE YOU STUCK IN A DEAD-END JOB? MAYBE.

143. IN FRONT OF THE IDIOT BOX?

144. - WHAT'S IT TO YOU? OF THE EVENING?

145. DOES WHISKEY COUNT AS BEER?

146. WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME OF MONORAIL CONDUCTING...

147. THE LANLEY INSTITUTE.

148. MAY NOT MATCH PHOTO.

149. MARGE, I WANNA BE A MONORAIL CONDUCTOR.

150. - HOMER, NO. - IT'S MY LIFELONG DREAM.

151. DURING A BASEBALL GAME,

152. AND YOU DID IT LAST YEAR, REMEMBER?

153. OH, YEAH.

154. GOOD EVENING.

155. BEFORE WE BEGIN, AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER?

156. - I AM, AND SHE IS. - WELL, I'D LIKE YOU TO PLEASE LEAVE.

157. OUR HIDDEN CAMERA? - WOULD YOU?

158. LET'S GO, PHIL.

159. FROM RIDING THE MONORAIL.

160. MMM, FALSE. NO, WAIT. MAYBE IT'S TRUE.

161. NO, YOU WERE RIGHT. IT'S FALSE.

162. WOW. YOU REALLY ARE GONNA BE A MONORAIL CONDUCTOR. THAT'S RIGHT, BOY.

163. YOU KNOW, I USED TO THINK YOU WERE STUCK...

164. IN AN EMASCULATING, GO-NOWHERE JOB.

165. - KIDS. - BUT NOW, I WANNA FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS.

166. TO HOMER JUNIOR?

167. THE KIDS CAN CALL YOU HOJU.

168. I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

169. COME ON! KEEP IT COMIN'!

170. OVER. OVER.

171. MM-HMM. MM-HMM. HI, HOMER!

172. OH, I HATE THAT SOUND.

173. ACCORDING TO THIS BOOK, 150 MILES AN HOUR.

174. GOES WRONG? WHAT IF?

175. WHAT IF I'M TAKING A SHOWER AND I SLIP ON A BAR OF SOAP?

176. OH, MY GOD, I'D BE KILLED!

177. THAT'S SO UNSAFE.

178. ARE A CRAZY BREED,

179. HALF IN LOVE WITH DEATH, ORDINARY MEN EAT PEANUTS.

180. AM I TURNING YOU ON? NO.

181. WHAT IF I UNDO THIS BUTTON? GOOD NIGHT, HOMER.

182. WHAT IF I TALK LIKE THIS?

183. WHAT IF I SING TO YOU?

184. MMM, CHICKEN.

185. SO THEN, "MONO" MEANS "ONE,"

186. AND "RAIL" MEANS "RAIL."

187. INTENSIVE THREE-WEEK COURSE.

188. HEY, WAIT, MAN. WHO GETS TO BE CONDUCTOR?

189. OH, RIGHT, THAT. WELL, I'VE BEEN MONITORING YOUR PROGRESS CLOSELY.

190. STANDS OUT ABOVE THE REST. WHO, ME?

191. - YEAH, SURE. - WHOO-HOO!

192. AFTER AN EXHAUSTIVE SEARCH,

193. HOMER SIMPSON.

194. OR, IF YOU WILL, CUPCAKE.

195. WOW, DAD. YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR MONORAILS.

196. HOMER, THERE'S A FAMILY OF POSSUMS IN HERE.

197. I CALL THE BIG ONE BITEY.

198. I'M GOING TO SEE MR. LANLEY.

199. MR. LANLEY? MR. LANLEY?

200. OH!

201. - HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE? - UH, NOTHING INCRIMINATING.

202. - GOOD. - WELL, BYE.

203. I DON'T KNOW WHY I LEAVE THIS LYING AROUND.

204. I'VE SOLD MONORAILS TO BROCKWAY, OGDENVILLE AND NORTH HAVERBROOK.

205. THE TRACK COULD BEND?

206. I CALL THE BIG ONE BITEY.

207. I'VE SOLD MONORAILS TO BROCKWAY, OGDENVILLE AND NORTH HAVERBROOK.

208. THE TRACK COULD BEND?

209. I CALL THE BIG ONE BITEY.

210. GO AWAY! THERE AIN'T NO MONORAIL, AND THERE NEVER WAS!

211. EXCUSE ME, MISS. YOU ASKED ABOUT THE MONORAIL?

212. - WHO ARE YOU? - MY NAME IS SEBASTIAN KOBB.

213. TO BUILD HIS MONORAIL.

214. BAD WIRING, FAULTY BRAKES.

215. WAS GALLAGHER.

216. THIS IS ALL THAT'S LEFT...

217. EVER BUILT.

218. MR. KOBB, WHAT CAN WE DO?

219. A DAMN GOOD CONDUCTOR.

220. I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THERE. GET A ROCK.

221. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOTHING BRINGS OUT THE STARS...

222. OF A MONORAIL.

223. EVERYONE'S HERE, LEADING MAN DASH CALHOUN...

224. TO KRUSTY THE CLOWN. HEY, HEY!

225. KRUSTY, WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER MY CALLS? YOU'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN OUR SON!

226. HERE'S ONE OF THOSE LOVEABLE HIGH-SCHOOLERS...

227. FROM TV's SPRINGFIELD HEIGHTS, 90210.

228. HE'S COOL, HE'S SEXY, HE'S 34 YEARS OLD.

229. LET'S HEAR IT FOR KYLE DARREN!

230. AND HERE'S LURLEEN LUMPKIN,

231. AT THE BETTY FORD CLINIC!

232. WHAT YA BEEN UP TO, LURLEEN? IN A DITCH.

233. HOW ABOUT THAT, FOLKS?

234. NOW I'D LIKE TO OUR GRAND MARSHAL,

235. MR. LEONARD NIMOY.

236. I'D SAY THIS VESSEL COULD DO AT LEAST WARP FIVE.

237. AND LET ME SAY,

238. "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU."

239. WHO I AM? I THINK I DO.

240. WEREN'T YOU ONE OF THE LITTLE RASCALS?

241. MR. LANLEY! AREN'T YOU GONNA RIDE THE MONORAIL?

242. LITTLE LADY, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I HAVE TO CATCH A PLANE.

243. - THE RIDE ONLY TAKES A MINUTE. - YEAH, WELL, MY PLANE LEAVES IN LESS THAN ONE MINUTE.

244. ALL ABOARD!

245. WE'RE TOO LATE!

246. I SHOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED FOR THAT HAIRCUT. SORRY.

247. ACTUALLY, YOU SEE, WERE NOT MECHANICAL.

248. ON EITHER SIDE...

249. WHEN HE SAW YOU APPROACH. UH-HUH.

250. OUT THE WINDOW, BOY. IT'S THE GREATEST!

251. YEE-HAW!

252. CAN'T YOU STOP IT, DAD? I'M TRYING MY BEST.

253. BRAKES— IS NOT IN SERVICE.

254. PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

255. - HOW FAST ARE THEY GOING? - YIKES!

256. WELL, JUDGING BY YOUR HUSBAND'S COWARDLY SCREAM,

257. - 180 MILES AN HOUR. - YIKES!

258. AH. IT'S MAKING ME DIZZY. I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP.

259. ALL RIGHT, I'M IN CHARGE HERE. OH, RUN ALONG, QUIMBY.

260. I THINK THEY'RE DEDICATING A PHONE BOOTH SOMEWHERE.

261. WATCH IT, OF DONUT BATTER.

262. HEY, I GOT PICTURES OF YOU, QUIMBY.

263. YOU DON'T SCARE ME. THAT COULD BE ANYONE'S ASS.

264. NOW BEAT IT! I'M CALLING THE SHOTS.

265. TO YOUR BRAIN.

266. THAT IN AN EMERGENCY, I RUN THE SHOW.

267. WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT. LET'S GO TO TOWN HALL.

268. FINE! SHOULD WE TAKE ONE CAR, OR SHOULD I FOLLOW YOU?

269. HEY, ACCORDING TO THE CHARTER,

270. I'M SUPPOSED TO GET A PIG EVERY MONTH...

271. "AND TWO COMELY LASSES OF VIRTUE TRUE." KEEP THE PIG.

272. HOW MANY BROADS DO I GET? HEY, HEY, LET GO! YOU'RE RIPPIN' IT!

273. NO, YOU ARE! NO, YOU ARE!

274. LET GO. THAT'S THE CHARTER.

275. WAIT A MINUTE. THE POWER!

276. NO SUCH LUCK. IT'S SOLAR-POWERED.

277. SOLAR POWER. WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN?

278. A SOLAR ECLIPSE.

279. THE COSMIC BALLET GOES ON. TO SWITCH SEATS?

280. I DID IT.

281. D'OH!

282. FOLKS, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

283. IN NORTH HAVERBROOK.

284. NORTH HAVERBROOK. THAT NAME BEFORE?

285. OH, NO. OH, NO!

286. SEAT 3-F!

287. KRUSTY WANTS OUT!

288. NO. THE WORLD NEEDS LAUGHTER.

289. ARE WE GONNA DIE, SON? YEAH.

290. BUT AT LEAST WE'LL TAKE WITH US.

291. HOMER? HOMER? Y'ELLO?

292. HOMER, THERE'S A MAN HERE WHO THINKS HE CAN HELP YOU.

293. - BATMAN? - NO, HE'S A SCIENTIST.

294. - BATMAN'S A SCIENTIST. - IT'S NOT BATMAN!

295. TO STOP THE TRAIN.

296. AN ANCHOR OF SOME SORT.

297. THINK HARDER, HOMER.

298. I'LL TAKE THAT.

299. UH, DAD?

300. NOW, SEPARATING SIAMESE TWINS IS A LONG AND COSTLY PROCEDURE.

301. HUH?

302. ARR! YA CALL THAT AN ANCHOR?

303. HUH?

304. DONUTS. THEY CAN'T DO?

305. DAD, YOU'RE A HERO. YES, SON.

306. I'M THE BEST THERE EVER WAS.

307. WELL, MY WORK IS DONE HERE.

308. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOUR WORK IS DONE?

309. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

310. DIDN'T I?

311. AND THAT WAS THE ONLY FOLLY...

312. EVER EMBARKED UPON,

313. THE POPSICLE STICK SKYSCRAPER...

314. AND THE 50-FOOT MAGNIFYING GLASS...

315. TO NOWHERE.

316. WHOA!

317. AAH!

318. AAH!

319. WHOA! AAH!

320. SHH!