1. The Simpsons.Copy !req
2. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
3. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
4. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
5. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
6. Springfield cops
are on the case.Copy !req
7. But what do you expect
for the money we make?Copy !req
8. Whether in a car
or on a bus.Copy !req
9. We don't mind
using excessive force.Copy !req
10. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
11. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
12. All right, boys.Copy !req
13. Time to bag us
a cattle rustler.Copy !req
14. What in God's name
are you doing?Copy !req
15. Isn't this
742 Evergreen Terrace?Copy !req
16. No, that's next door.Copy !req
17. Close, but no doughnut, cops.Copy !req
18. This is Papa Bear.Copy !req
19. Put out an A.P.B.
For a male suspect driving a...Copy !req
20. car of some sortCopy !req
21. heading in the direction of...Copy !req
22. you know,
that place that sells chili.Copy !req
23. Suspect is hatless.
Repeat. Hatless.Copy !req
24. I can't wait till they throw
his hatless butt in jail.Copy !req
25. Honey, you really shouldn't
eat so much in bed.Copy !req
26. It's not good for your heart.Copy !req
27. My heart is just fine.Copy !req
28. Homie, what is it?Copy !req
29. Just working
the turkey through.Copy !req
30. There it goes.Copy !req
31. Hey, Lis, there was
a big train wreck last night.Copy !req
32. - Do you want to see the victims?
- Mm, okay.Copy !req
33. Bart, that's gross.Copy !req
34. You're right.Copy !req
35. Let's bury them at sea.Copy !req
36. Dad!Copy !req
37. What's wrong?Copy !req
38. You know that feeling
you get whenCopy !req
39. a thousand knives of fire are
stabbing you in the heart?Copy !req
40. I got that right now.Copy !req
41. Ooh, bacon!Copy !req
42. Homer, I prepared
a special surprise just for you.Copy !req
43. It could only be one thing.Copy !req
44. Psst! The best meat's
in the rump.Copy !req
45. Here you go.Copy !req
46. What the hell is this?Copy !req
47. Nice, healthy oatmeal.Copy !req
48. Ooh, oatmeal.Copy !req
49. What a delightful treat.Copy !req
50. Oh, there's a bug in it.Copy !req
51. No, there isn't.Copy !req
52. Trust me.Copy !req
53. Dad, there's a bug on that.Copy !req
54. Come on, come on.Copy !req
55. Oh, dear.Copy !req
56. Now you've done it.Copy !req
57. I keep hearing this horrible,
irregular thumping noise.Copy !req
58. It's your heart,Copy !req
59. and I think
it's on its last thump.Copy !req
60. Whew! I was afraid
it was my transmission.Copy !req
61. Hey, where's he going?Copy !req
62. Billy, remember
that old PlymouthCopy !req
63. we just couldn't fix?Copy !req
64. We're going to sell him
to Mr. Nikapopolos?Copy !req
65. You're a dull boy, Billy.Copy !req
66. Look at that pig stuffing his
face with doughnuts on my time.Copy !req
67. That's right. Keep eating.Copy !req
68. Little do you knowCopy !req
69. you're drawing ever closer
to the poisoned doughnut.Copy !req
70. There is a poisoned one,
isn't there, Smithers?Copy !req
71. Uh, no, sir. I discussed this
with our lawyers.Copy !req
72. They consider it murder.Copy !req
73. Damn their oily hides!Copy !req
74. Bring him to me!Copy !req
75. Relax, Simpson.Copy !req
76. I just brought you in
for a friendly hello.Copy !req
77. And good-bye!
You're fired!Copy !req
78. But wait.Copy !req
79. Perhaps I'm being too hasty.Copy !req
80. You are highly skilled...Copy !req
81. ...at goofing off!Copy !req
82. Now, don't worry, Homer.Copy !req
83. You're the kind of guy
I could really dig...Copy !req
84. a grave for!Copy !req
85. Your indolence is inefficacious.Copy !req
86. That means you're terrible!Copy !req
87. Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.Copy !req
88. Oh, dear.Copy !req
89. Send a ham to his widow.Copy !req
90. Mmm... Ham.Copy !req
91. No, wait. He's alive.Copy !req
92. Oh, good. Cancel the ham.Copy !req
93. Wow, look at that.Copy !req
94. How do they know
to cross there?Copy !req
95. I'm telling you,
it's not going to work.Copy !req
96. See?Copy !req
97. He was taking a bite
and his jaw locked.Copy !req
98. Hey, look, I can fit my
entire fist in here.Copy !req
99. Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
100. What's that, Chief?Copy !req
101. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
102. Bad cops, bad cops.Copy !req
103. Ooh, buy three tubes
of Mr. Blister, get one free.Copy !req
104. Hello?Copy !req
105. Yes.Copy !req
106. Oh, dear Lord!Copy !req
107. Homer's in the hospital.Copy !req
108. They think it's his heart!Copy !req
109. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
110. Five cents off wax paper.Copy !req
111. Clear.Copy !req
112. More.Copy !req
113. Thank you.Copy !req
114. Oh, Homie, I was so frightened.Copy !req
115. Marge, my whole life
flashed before my eyes.Copy !req
116. Ah, little Homer.Copy !req
117. How did he get that?Copy !req
118. Fall on your knees.Copy !req
119. Oh, hear
the angels' voices...Copy !req
120. What a voice.Copy !req
121. Young Homer's going
to make me a millionaire.Copy !req
122. Oh, night... divine...Copy !req
123. Hey, my voice just changed.Copy !req
124. Oh, night,
when Christ was born.Copy !req
125. Dagnab it!Copy !req
126. Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid you've
just had a mild heart attack.Copy !req
127. But I'm out
of the woods now, right?Copy !req
128. I mean, whatever doesn't kill
me can only make me stronger.Copy !req
129. Oh, no,
quite the opposite.Copy !req
130. It's made you
weak as a kitten.Copy !req
131. Look.Copy !req
132. Hey, come on, quit it.Copy !req
133. Kootchy, kootchy-koo.Copy !req
134. Stop, please stop.Copy !req
135. Oh, you swing like a girl,
come on now.Copy !req
136. Please, have mercy.Copy !req
137. Got your nose.Copy !req
138. Not funny.Copy !req
139. How about this little bee?
Bzz...Copy !req
140. Remember your hippopotamus oath.Copy !req
141. Can't you
do something for him?Copy !req
142. Well, we can't fix
his heart,Copy !req
143. but we can tell you
exactly how damaged it is.Copy !req
144. What an age we live in.Copy !req
145. Now what you see here is the
radioactive dye we injectedCopy !req
146. flowing through your husband's
circulatory system.Copy !req
147. But, Doctor, I haven't
injected the dye yet.Copy !req
148. - Good Lord.
- Hi.Copy !req
149. So, Homer, this is a new
body fat analysis test.Copy !req
150. I start you jigglingCopy !req
151. and measure how long
it takes to stop.Copy !req
152. Whoo-hoo!
Look at that blubber fly.Copy !req
153. Yes.Copy !req
154. Nurse, cancel my 1:00.Copy !req
155. Homer, I'm afraid you'll
have to undergoCopy !req
156. a coronary bypass
operation.Copy !req
157. Say it in English, Doc.Copy !req
158. You're going to need
open-heart surgery.Copy !req
159. Spare me your medical
mumbo-jumbo.Copy !req
160. We're going to cut you open
and tinker with your ticker.Copy !req
161. Could you dumb it
down a shade?Copy !req
162. Doctor, we'll do whatever it
takes to get my Homie well.Copy !req
163. Good. I must warn you, though.Copy !req
164. This procedure will cost you
upwards of $30,000.Copy !req
165. I'm afraid it's now 40,000.Copy !req
166. Okay, okay,
we need $40,000.Copy !req
167. Now how much do we have
in the checkbook?Copy !req
168. - $70.
- Hmm...Copy !req
169. Have we deposited any $40,000
checks that haven't cleared yet?Copy !req
170. No. Don't you have
health insurance at work?Copy !req
171. Well, actually,
we gave it all upCopy !req
172. for a pinball machine
in the lounge.Copy !req
173. Don't worry, Marge.Copy !req
174. America's health care system
is second only to Japan...Copy !req
175. Canada, Sweden, Great Britain...Copy !req
176. Well, all of Europe.Copy !req
177. But you can thank
your lucky starsCopy !req
178. we don't live in Paraguay.Copy !req
179. Now before we give you
health insurance,Copy !req
180. I have to ask you
a few questions.Copy !req
181. Questions? Questions?Copy !req
182. Oh, my whole scheme
down the...Copy !req
183. I mean, ask away.Copy !req
184. Good.Copy !req
185. Now, under "heart attacks,"Copy !req
186. you crossed out "3"
and wrote "0."Copy !req
187. I thought that said
brain hemorrhages.Copy !req
188. Oh. And do you drink?Copy !req
189. I do enjoy a snifter
of port at Christmas.Copy !req
190. All right, here's your policy.Copy !req
191. Now let me tell you something,
Mr. Sucker, I just...Copy !req
192. Hold on there.
You still have to sign it.Copy !req
193. Oh. I...Copy !req
194. Must... sign... policy.Copy !req
195. Sir, I'm sorry.
We can't insure you.Copy !req
196. - I made an "H."
- No, that doesn't count.Copy !req
197. Looks like an "X."Copy !req
198. We better get you
to a hospital.Copy !req
199. - Can I have a free calendar?
- Okay.Copy !req
200. Clear.Copy !req
201. Oh, doctor,Copy !req
202. I was in a wonderful placeCopy !req
203. filled with fire and brimstone.Copy !req
204. And there were all these
guys in red pajamasCopy !req
205. sticking pitchforks
in my butt.Copy !req
206. Mr. Simpson, you must get that
operation as soon as possible.Copy !req
207. I can't afford it.Copy !req
208. Maybe I should buy
one of those machines.Copy !req
209. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.Copy !req
210. Now, I know I haven't been
the best Christian.Copy !req
211. In fact, when you're up there
blah-blah-blahing,Copy !req
212. I'm usually doodlingCopy !req
213. or mentally undressing
the female parishioners.Copy !req
214. Well, anywho,
can I have $40,000?Copy !req
215. Now, I know I haven't been
the best Jew,Copy !req
216. but I rented
Fiddler on the RoofCopy !req
217. and I will watch it.Copy !req
218. Anyway, can I have $40,000?Copy !req
219. Now, I know
I haven't been the best...Copy !req
220. Aw, forget it.Copy !req
221. Honey, did you have any luck?Copy !req
222. No, but the rabbi
gave me this.Copy !req
223. What is it, Dad?Copy !req
224. Son, they call it a droodle.Copy !req
225. Whoo-hoo!
Look at him go.Copy !req
226. Hi, everybody.
Are you looking for a wayCopy !req
227. to slash the cost
of your medical expenses?Copy !req
228. Boring.Copy !req
229. Wait, this might be the answer
we're looking for.Copy !req
230. I will perform any operation
for $129.95.Copy !req
231. Come in for brain surgeryCopy !req
232. and receive a free
Chinese finger trap.Copy !req
233. Okay, Fred.Copy !req
234. You tried the best.Copy !req
235. Now try the rest.Copy !req
236. Call 1-600-DOCTORB.Copy !req
237. The "B" is for "Bargain."Copy !req
238. Marge, we could do worse.Copy !req
239. How?Copy !req
240. Some dog could do
the operation.Copy !req
241. Operation?
What are you talking about?Copy !req
242. Kids, I have something
to tell you.Copy !req
243. Oh, Homie, I don't know.
This might upset them.Copy !req
244. Nothing you say can upset us.Copy !req
245. We're the MTV generation.Copy !req
246. We feel neither
highs nor lows.Copy !req
247. Really? What's it like?Copy !req
248. Well, you kids are old enough
to know the truth,Copy !req
249. and I'm not gonna
sugarcoat it.Copy !req
250. So, the tiny aorta fairies
will take Mr. Leg VeinCopy !req
251. on a long trip to get marriedCopy !req
252. to Princess Left Ventricle.Copy !req
253. Dad, are you trying
to tell usCopy !req
254. you're getting
a coronary artery bypass graft?Copy !req
255. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
256. Oh, no. What if they botch it?Copy !req
257. I won't have a dad...Copy !req
258. for a while.Copy !req
259. Kids, kids,
I'm not going to die.Copy !req
260. That only happens
to bad people.Copy !req
261. What about
Abraham Lincoln?Copy !req
262. Uh, he sold poisoned milk
to schoolchildren.Copy !req
263. - Homer!
- Hey, I'm just tryingCopy !req
264. to make it easier on 'em.Copy !req
265. Bed goes up, bed goes down.Copy !req
266. Bed goes up, bed goes down.Copy !req
267. Bed goes up,
bed goes down.Copy !req
268. Bed goes up, bed goes down.Copy !req
269. Homer Simpson?Copy !req
270. If that don't put the "Dink"
In co-inky-dink.Copy !req
271. Flanders,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
272. I'm having a kidney
and a lung removed.Copy !req
273. Who are you donating them to?Copy !req
274. First come, first serve.Copy !req
275. What are you in for?Copy !req
276. I got a bad heart.Copy !req
277. If I could give you
my heart, Homer, I would.Copy !req
278. Shut up, Flanders.Copy !req
279. Hi, everybody!Copy !req
280. I'm Dr. Nick Riviera.Copy !req
281. Dr. Riviera,
Dr. Nick Riviera,Copy !req
282. please report
to the coroner immediately.Copy !req
283. The coroner?
I'm so sick of that guy.Copy !req
284. Well, see you
in the operating place.Copy !req
285. - Dr. Riviera!
- Dr. Riviera!Copy !req
286. Where are the bodies?Copy !req
287. Oh, such a nice day.Copy !req
288. I think I'll go out the window.Copy !req
289. Whoa!Copy !req
290. Dear Lord, thank you
for Ziggy comics,Copy !req
291. little baby ducks,Copy !req
292. and Sweatin' to the Oldies,
volumes one, two, and four.Copy !req
293. Dear Lord,Copy !req
294. I'm really scared
about this operation tomorrow.Copy !req
295. If something happens,
please look after MargeCopy !req
296. and make sure
my kids grow up right.Copy !req
297. Sorry.Copy !req
298. ...and that's why God
causes train wrecks.Copy !req
299. My dad is very sick.Copy !req
300. What's going to happen
if he dies?Copy !req
301. Well, if he's been good,
he'll go to heaven.Copy !req
302. In heaven, you get to doCopy !req
303. whatever you like best
all the time.Copy !req
304. Cloud goes up,
cloud goes down.Copy !req
305. Cloud goes up,
cloud goes down.Copy !req
306. Bed goes up, bed goes down.Copy !req
307. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
308. Hey, what's the matter?Copy !req
309. Oh, that's right.Copy !req
310. My grotesque appearance.Copy !req
311. Krusty,
why are you here?Copy !req
312. It's part of my public serviceCopy !req
313. for my glug-glug,
vroom-vroom, thump-thump.Copy !req
314. Oh, well,
I could use a good laugh.Copy !req
315. Well, there's nothing funny about
what you're about to go through.Copy !req
316. I know.
I'm in the zipper club myself.Copy !req
317. - You seem okay.
- Yeah?Copy !req
318. Well, I got news for you.
This ain't makeup.Copy !req
319. They say the greatest tragedyCopy !req
320. is when a father outlives
his son.Copy !req
321. I've never fully understood
why that is.Copy !req
322. Frankly, I can see
an upside to it.Copy !req
323. We passed this card
around at work.Copy !req
324. Gee, thanks, guys.Copy !req
325. They had a hell of a time
replacing you.Copy !req
326. When I first heard
about the operation,Copy !req
327. I was against it.Copy !req
328. But then I thought.Copy !req
329. "If Homer wants to be a woman,
so be it."Copy !req
330. Barney, I'm not getting
a sex change.Copy !req
331. What?!Copy !req
332. What the hell
am I supposed to doCopy !req
333. with this jumbo thong bikini?Copy !req
334. Homer, I snuck you in a beer
for old times' sake.Copy !req
335. Thanks, Moe.Copy !req
336. Uh, you know, Homer,
that beer ain't free.Copy !req
337. Mom, this is fascinating.Copy !req
338. Did you know that they'll stop
Dad's heart for six whole minutes?Copy !req
339. I don't know
if I like you readingCopy !req
340. all those cardiology books.Copy !req
341. No, Mom,
it's very reassuring,Copy !req
342. and I 've learned
a great dealCopy !req
343. from this cow's heart I got
at the butcher shop.Copy !req
344. Insert the retractorCopy !req
345. and crank it
until the ribs swing openCopy !req
346. like a rusty drawbridge.Copy !req
347. Ohh, no!Copy !req
348. Blood! Ugh!Copy !req
349. Next, make an incision
in the coronary art...Copy !req
350. And we are back with more of
People Who Look Like Things.Copy !req
351. Oh, no! No!Copy !req
352. Someone taped over
the end of this.Copy !req
353. All we ask is to be treated
with dignity and respect.Copy !req
354. And a new candle
now and then?Copy !req
355. Yes, and a new... No!Copy !req
356. Oh, my little Maggie.Copy !req
357. I may never hold you again.Copy !req
358. Eww! Stinky pants.Copy !req
359. Now, Marge,
if the unthinkableCopy !req
360. should happen,
you're going to be lonely.Copy !req
361. Homie, I could never re-marry.Copy !req
362. Darn right.Copy !req
363. And to make sureCopy !req
364. I want to be stuffed
and put on the couchCopy !req
365. as a constant reminder
of our marital vows.Copy !req
366. Kids, you can come in now.Copy !req
367. Bed goes up.Copy !req
368. Kids, I wanna give you some
words to remember me byCopy !req
369. in case something happens.Copy !req
370. Let's see.Copy !req
371. Oh, I'm no good at this.Copy !req
372. Bart, the saddest thing
about this isCopy !req
373. I won't get to see
you grow up because...Copy !req
374. I know you're going
to turn out greatCopy !req
375. with or without your old man.Copy !req
376. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
377. And, Lisa...Copy !req
378. I guess this is
the time to tell you...Copy !req
379. you're adopted,
and I don't like you.Copy !req
380. Bart!Copy !req
381. But don't worry,
because you've gotCopy !req
382. a big brother
who loves youCopy !req
383. and will always
look out for you.Copy !req
384. Oh, Dad.Copy !req
385. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
386. Hi, Dr. Nick!Copy !req
387. Now, if something
should go wrong,Copy !req
388. let's not get
the law involved.Copy !req
389. One hand washes the other.Copy !req
390. Ooh, that reminds me.Copy !req
391. These gloves came free
with my toilet brush.Copy !req
392. What the hell is that?Copy !req
393. Marge, this is Andre.Copy !req
394. Hello.Copy !req
395. I think you two would make
a lovely couple.Copy !req
396. My husband is still alive.Copy !req
397. Oh. Thank God.Copy !req
398. I hope he pulls through.Copy !req
399. Not me.Copy !req
400. Let's have a minute
of silent prayerCopy !req
401. for our good friend,
Homer Simpson.Copy !req
402. How long has it been?Copy !req
403. Six seconds.Copy !req
404. Do we have to start over?Copy !req
405. Hell, no.Copy !req
406. Poor Mr. Homer.Copy !req
407. Could it be that my snack treats
are responsibleCopy !req
408. for his wretched health?Copy !req
409. Give me some jerky.Copy !req
410. Would you like
some vodka with that?Copy !req
411. Oh, what the hell.
Sure.Copy !req
412. Doctor, what's wrong?Copy !req
413. Don't you know
where to make the incision?Copy !req
414. All right, Nick,
don't panic.Copy !req
415. Think back to med school.Copy !req
416. Seriously, baby.Copy !req
417. I can prescribe
anything I want.Copy !req
418. I know I'm supposed
to cut something,Copy !req
419. but what and where?Copy !req
420. Hey!Copy !req
421. The incision in the coronary artery
must be made below the blockage!Copy !req
422. Below!Copy !req
423. Thanks, little girl.Copy !req
424. The knee bone's connected.Copy !req
425. To the something.Copy !req
426. The something's connected
to the red thing.Copy !req
427. The red thing's connected
to my wristwatch...Copy !req
428. Good news. The operation was
a complete success.Copy !req
429. Oh, that's wonderful!Copy !req
430. Dr. Nick Riviera,
remember me?Copy !req
431. Well, if it isn't my old friend
Mr. McCraig,Copy !req
432. with a leg for an arm
and an arm for a leg.Copy !req
433. All right, Dad!Copy !req
434. You rule intensive care!Copy !req