1. The Simpsons.
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2. Maggie, can you say "Ba-ba"?
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3. Can you say "Mama"?
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4. - Can you say "Get bent"?
- Bart!
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5. Mr. Rogers says it
all the time.
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6. - He does not.
- Maggie, can you say "Daddy"?
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7. Daddy.
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8. - Kitty. Kitty.
- Be-bop. Be-bop.
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9. Shove-it. Shove-it.
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10. Did you hear that? She said "burlap."
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11. I don't think so.
Oh, Maggie,
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12. when are you going to talk?
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13. Well, don't push her.
Remember:
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14. "'Tis better to remain silent
and be thought a fool
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15. than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt."
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16. What does that mean?
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17. Better say something,
or they'll think you're stupid.
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18. - Takes one to know one.
- Swish.
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19. According to
Fretful Mother Magazine,
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20. if Maggie doesn't talk
by age one,
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21. we should consider
a corrective tongue extender.
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22. Hey, what was my first word?
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23. Uh, well...
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24. Whoa!
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25. Yes!
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26. Ay, caramba!
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27. You know,
I don't think I remember.
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28. But the story of Lisa's
first word is very cute.
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29. Tell it, Mom. Tell it, Mom.
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30. Yeah, tell it, Mom.
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31. Well, this story begins in that
unforgettable spring of 1983.
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32. Ms. Pacman struck a blow
for women's rights.
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33. A young Joe Piscopo
taught us how to laugh.
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34. Before Lisa was born,
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35. we lived in a tiny apartment
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36. on the lower eastside
of Springfield.
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37. Chipwich for sale.
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38. Chocolate chip
or oatmeal raisin.
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39. Chipwich for sale.
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40. Youse guys want
to play stickball?
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41. Certainly.
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42. - Yeah, sure.
- Over here. Come on.
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43. Did you girls watch
the last episode of MASH?
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44. That Mike Farrell really boils my potato.
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45. I miss-a da Klinger already.
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46. When the working day
is done.
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47. Girls just wanna
have fun.
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48. That's all we really want.
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49. Homer!
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50. Homer's what grownups call me.
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51. Call me Daddy.
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52. - Homer.
- Daddy.
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53. - Homer.
- Daddy.
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54. Dad-dad-da...
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55. Yes?
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56. Domer.
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57. Why, you little...
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58. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
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59. Ah, he'll tire himself out soon.
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60. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
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61. Then the prince
and the princess...
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62. Got married and lived
happily ever after.
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63. Then what happened?
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64. They had 30 sons
and 30 daughters.
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65. What were their names?
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66. Dennis... Brad...
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67. Mavis...
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68. Brad...
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69. No, this is true.
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70. The Coast Guard
arrested Boy George
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71. for scraping the barnacles
off his dinghy.
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72. Hi-yo!
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73. Hi-yo.
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74. Got your nose.
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75. Got your wallet.
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76. No!
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77. Bart, don't you ever
do that again.
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78. Understand?
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79. Beep.
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80. Guess what, Homie.
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81. There's going to be twice
as much love in this house
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82. as there is now.
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83. We're gonna start doing it
in the morning?
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84. No.
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85. We're going to have
another baby.
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86. Marge, that's...
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87. Bye-bye, keys.
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88. Hear that, Bart?
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89. You're going have a little
brother or sister to play with.
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90. Who did this?
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91. Baby.
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92. Bad baby!
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93. I'm afraid we're going
to need a bigger place.
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94. No, we won't.
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95. I've got it
all figured out.
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96. The baby can have Bart's crib.
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97. Bart can sleep with us
until he's 21.
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98. Won't that warp him?
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99. My cousin Frank did it.
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100. You don't have
a cousin Frank.
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101. He became Francine back in '76.
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102. Then he joined that cult.
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103. I think his name
is Mother Shibubu now.
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104. That afternoon,
we left Bart with my sisters
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105. and went house hunting.
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106. Hey, Bart, want a dollar?
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107. You know what
I want to hear.
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108. I'm a little teapot,
short and stout.
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109. This is my handle.
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110. This is my spout.
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111. The itsy-bitsy spider
went up the water spout.
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112. Oh, yeah.
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113. Love that spout medley.
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114. Now, Mr. And Mrs. Simpson,
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115. the only houses I have
in your price range
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116. are in the neighborhood
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117. colorfully referred to
as The Rat's Nest.
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118. This one just came
on the market.
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119. Oh, dear!
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120. Now, here we have
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121. beautiful hardwood floors,
track lighting...
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122. What's that stench?
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123. Once you get used to the
smell of melted hog fat,
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124. you'll wonder how you ever
did without it.
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125. Mmm... hog fat.
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126. Let's keep looking.
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127. Ooh. Do you smell something?
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128. Argh, why buy a house
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129. when ye can buy a houseboat?
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130. Excuse me.
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131. Don't forget
to check out the galley.
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132. That's real shag carpeting.
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133. Oh, once we get
the cats out of the way,
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134. it won't be bad.
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135. Actually, according to the will,
the cats own the house.
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136. You'd be their tenants.
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137. I wish we lived
in the kitty house.
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138. I could have trained them
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139. to be my unholy
army of the night.
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140. Go, my pretties. Kill! Kill!
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141. We were about to give up
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142. when we found a house
that was perfect.
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143. Just imagine what
we can do with this place.
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144. Wow.
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145. How much? How much?
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146. Well, here's what
they're asking.
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147. I can't afford that.
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148. Dad, I have a problem.
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149. Why did you come to me?
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150. I don't know nothing.
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151. I used to get by on my looks.
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152. Now they're gone,
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153. withered away
like an old piece of fruit.
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154. - Are you done?
- No, not yet.
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155. I was voted the handsomest boy
in Albany, New York.
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156. Dad, I don't need advice.
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157. I need $15,000 to buy a home.
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158. Oh, well,
all I own is this house
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159. that I built
with my own two hands.
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160. You didn't build this house.
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161. You won it in
a crooked '50s game show.
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162. I ratted on everybody
and got off scot-free.
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163. All right, son.
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164. I'll sell this dump
and write you a check.
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165. Dad, first you gave me life.
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166. Now you've given me
a home for my family.
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167. I'd be honored
if you came to live with us.
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168. Thank you.
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169. How long before you ship Grampa
off to the old folks home?
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170. About three weeks.
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171. Maggie, I'll give you
this cookie if you talk.
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172. What? What?
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173. All right, you win round seven.
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174. When are we gonna get
to my first word?
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175. - Your what what?
- My first word!
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176. You don't want
to hear that story.
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177. I know. I'll tell you
about the time
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178. I got locked in the bank vault
with Mr. Mooney.
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179. It was another one
of my harebrained schemes.
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180. - Dad!
- Wait a minute.
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181. That was a Lucy Show.
Okay, where were we?
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182. Mom was preggers, and Dad just
threw our money down this sinkhole.
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183. Ah, yes,
I remember the day
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184. we moved in.
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185. Hey, Homer, this house sucks.
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186. Bart, I told you
not to use that word.
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187. Call me Daddy.
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188. Homer. Naah...
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189. We welcome you
to the neighborhood.
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190. Sing fa-la-la-la-la.
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191. La-la-la la-la-la.
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192. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la.
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193. From now on,
you'll be history.
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194. - You'll be his...
- You'll be his...
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195. You'll be history
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196. Buenos dias, neighboritos.
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197. The handle's Flanders,
but my friends call me Ned.
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198. Hi, Flanders.
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199. Who the hell are you?
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200. My name's Todd.
Would you be my friend?
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201. You're funny.
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202. If you need anything,
just give a whistle.
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203. I could use a TV tray.
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204. - Well, gee...
- What?
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205. I just this minute
bought it at the hardw...
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206. You said anything.
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207. Heh. Well, sure.
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208. You can borrow it
for a little while.
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209. And that little while is now
eight years and counting.
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210. Anyway, Bart had just
entered the terrible twos.
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211. I am so great
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212. I am so great.
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213. Everybody loves me,
I am so great...
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214. Honey... honey... honey...
honey... honey...
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215. Could you please be quiet?
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216. Quiet! Biet! Diet!
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217. Siet! Fiet!
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218. Bart, get out!
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219. It's not easy
to juggle a pregnant wife
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220. and a troubled child,
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221. but somehow I managed to fit in
eight hours of TV a day.
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222. Hey, kids...
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223. Summer's just around the corner,
and Krusty Burger
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224. is the official meat-flavored
sandwich of the 1984 Olympics.
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225. Cootchie-cootchie-coo.
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226. - Krusty funny.
- Duh.
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227. It's all part of our Krusty
Burger Olympic sweepstakes.
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228. Just scratch off the name
of the Olympic event
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229. on your game card,
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230. and if America wins
a gold medal,
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231. you win a free Krusty Burger.
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232. And cut.
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233. I almost swallowed
some of the juice.
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234. I'll be tasting that for weeks.
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235. - Great spot, K.C.
- Put a sock in it, preppy.
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236. How much are these
free burgers gonna cost me?
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237. Not to worry, Mr. K.
We've rigged the cards.
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238. They're all in events
that communists never lose.
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239. I like. I like.
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240. This just came
over the wires, Big K.
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241. Uh-huh. "Soviet Boycott."
"U.S. Unopposed in Most Events."
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242. How does this affect
our giveaway?
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243. Let's see.
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244. You personally stand to lose
$44 million.
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245. Oy!
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246. Bart, from now on,
the baby sleeps in the crib.
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247. Crib... crib... I'm a baby.
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248. All right, I know how
to handle this.
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249. Just use a little
reverse psychology.
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250. Let's go, Marge.
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251. Leave the baby
with his little crib.
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252. Ah, Homer J. Simpson,
you're a genius.
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253. I know you like clowns,
so I made you this bed.
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254. Now you can laugh
yourself to sleep.
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255. If you should die before you wake...
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256. Can't sleep.
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257. Clown will eat me.
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258. Can't sleep.
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259. Clown will eat me.
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260. Oh, doctor, we are seconds away
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261. from the 100-meter butterfly,
and with the East German...
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262. ...women shaving their backs
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263. 9,000 miles away,
the Americans are heavy favorites.
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264. Patience, my pet.
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265. And the Americans jump out
to an early lead.
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266. Help! Help!
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267. Although, we should point out
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268. that many of the other women
represent countries
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269. that don't have swimming pools.
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270. Boo-hoo!
You're breaking my heart.
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271. Homie, I think
the baby's coming.
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272. Wow, a baby
and a free burger.
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273. Could this be
the best day of my life?
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274. Coming up next, an hour-long
episode of Mama's Family.
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275. Yes!
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276. We'll take good care
of your boy, Simpson.
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277. Enjoy the miracle of creation.
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278. Shut up, Flanders.
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279. So, kids, what do you
want to play?
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280. - Good Samaritan!
- Good Samaritan!
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281. I get to clothe the leper.
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282. Lucky.
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283. Suppertime, boys.
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284. Oh, boy! Liver!
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285. Iron helps us play.
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286. I want to go home.
No, I don't.
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287. I got the joy,
joy, joy, joy.
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288. Down in my heart.
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289. Where?
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290. Down in my heart to stay.
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291. And if the devil
doesn't like it.
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292. He can sit on a tack.
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293. Sit on a tack...
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294. Pa, can you help me
with my psalms?
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295. Oh, Bart, you met
Grandma Flanders.
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296. Hope she didn't scare you.
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297. Hello, Joe.
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298. Little Lisa...
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299. I've already started you
a college fund
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300. at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
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301. According to this magazine,
Bart might be jealous of her.
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302. Yeah, well, Bart can kiss
my hairy, yellow butt.
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303. From now on,
the baby sleeps in the crib.
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304. Iron helps us play.
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305. Hello, Joe.
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306. From now on,
the baby sleeps in the crib.
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307. Iron helps us play.
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308. Hello, Joe.
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309. Bart, there's someone in here
who wants to meet you.
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310. Well, Bart, what do you
think of little Lisa?
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311. I hate you.
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312. I saved this newspaper
from the day Lisa was born.
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313. "Mondale to Hart:
'Where's the beef?'"
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314. "Where's the beef?"
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315. What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
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316. "Where's the beef?"
No wonder he won Minnesota.
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317. Everyone agreed that Lisa
was a beautiful baby.
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318. Here she is.
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319. Isn't that cute?
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320. She's coughing.
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321. I'm going to give her a kiss.
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322. - I know a new song.
- You still here?
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323. Alouette,
gentille alouette.
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324. Alouette.
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325. Alouette.
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326. You already sang that part.
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327. The older they get,
the cuter they ain't.
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328. Hey, the baby just spit up.
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329. A-wudge-a-wudge-
a-wudge-a-woo.
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330. A-wudge-a-wudge-
a-wue-a-wudge-a-woo.
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331. Welcome back to the final day
of this the 23rd Olympiad,
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332. brought to you
by Krusty Burger.
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333. You people are pigs!
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334. I personally am going to spit
in every 50th burger.
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335. I like those odds.
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336. In a moment, we'll see
the courageous Korean gymnast,
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337. Kim Jong,
who made a perfect dismount
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338. on what was later revealed
to be a broken leg.
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339. Ouch! But first,
let's go to the boxing venue.
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340. Please, please,
please, please...
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341. The American, Drederick
Tatum, does a triumphant turkey trot
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342. over the supine Swede.
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343. One's thoughts turn to
Alexander of Macedon's victory
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344. at Granicus and Issus.
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345. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
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346. Carl Lewis, I could kiss you!
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347. She has the reflexes
of a young Mary Lou Retton.
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348. Have a wowipop.
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349. Can I have a lollipop?
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350. Oh, Bart, I'm afraid
that was the last one.
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351. But I've got something
even better for you...
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352. A rubella inoculation.
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353. I want to hold the baby.
I want to hold the baby.
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354. I'm sorry, Bart,
you're too little.
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355. Here, Bart,
you can hold my beer.
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356. - Homer!
- What?
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357. Good night, honey.
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358. Hello, Lisa.
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359. Lisa, time for your feed...
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360. Who's cuter now?
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361. She started it.
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362. Stupid mailman.
Squeal on me.
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363. Hidey-ho, Simpson!
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364. Your son shoved this
through our doggie door.
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365. And since we're returning
your second-born,
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366. you think you could see your way
to returning my TV tray...
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367. Boy, you get over
to the corner
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368. and you... Yeah.
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369. I liked it when it was me,
Mom, and Homer.
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370. You wrecked everything.
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371. I'm leaving. Good-bye!
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372. Bart.
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373. - What did you say?
- Bart.
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374. Suffering succotash!
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375. You can talk!
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376. Mom, Dad!
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377. She can talk!
Say it again, Lis.
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378. Bart.
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379. Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart.
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380. I'm her first word.
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381. Well, I'm not surprised.
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382. Lisa's crazy about you.
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383. She thinks you hung the moon.
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384. Wow.
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385. Lisa, can you say
"Mommy"?
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386. Mommy.
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387. Can you say,
"David Hasselhoff"?
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388. David Hasselhoff.
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389. - Can you say "Daddy"?
- Homer.
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390. No, sweetie, "Daddy."
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391. Homer.
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392. I was sitting there.
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393. I don't see your name on it.
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394. It's right there.
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395. Bart, don't write
on the rug.
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396. Mom yelled at you.
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397. - Did not!
- Did too.
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398. You know, Maggie,
the sooner kids talk,
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399. the sooner they talk back.
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400. I hope you never say a word.
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401. Daddy.
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