1. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
2. Before last year's
Halloween showCopy !req
3. I warned you not to let
your children watch,Copy !req
4. but you did anyway.Copy !req
5. Well, this year's episode
is even worse.Copy !req
6. It's scarier, more violent,Copy !req
7. and I think they snuck in
some bad language too.Copy !req
8. So please, tuck in
your children and...Copy !req
9. Well, if you didn't
listen to me last timeCopy !req
10. you're not going to now.Copy !req
11. Enjoy the show.Copy !req
12. And to conclude
this Halloween newscastCopy !req
13. on a scary note:Copy !req
14. Remember,
the presidential primariesCopy !req
15. are only a few months away.Copy !req
16. Hey, if you don't like it,
go to Russia.Copy !req
17. Trick or treat, man.Copy !req
18. Hey, aren't you
a little old for this?Copy !req
19. You're not even
wearing costumes.Copy !req
20. Hand over the candy, old dudeCopy !req
21. or we egg your house
back to the Stone Age.Copy !req
22. Here you go, kids.Copy !req
23. Heh-heh, heh.Copy !req
24. Lousy punks.Copy !req
25. D'Copy !req
26. We're home.Copy !req
27. Aah... whoo!Copy !req
28. Get a good haul this year?Copy !req
29. Jackpot!Copy !req
30. I'm very, very proud
of you kids.Copy !req
31. We would have gotten more
if Lisa could walk faster.Copy !req
32. I didn't select this
costume for mobility.Copy !req
33. I wore it to saluteCopy !req
34. the noble native Americans
of the Pacific Northwest.Copy !req
35. Yaahh!Copy !req
36. Now, children, you can have
one piece of candy tonight,Copy !req
37. and save the rest for...Copy !req
38. If you eat too much,
you'll have nightmares.Copy !req
39. Yeah, everybody in this familyCopy !req
40. is gonna have
a bad nightmare tonight.Copy !req
41. Yeah, three bad nightmares.Copy !req
42. I'd like to see that.
Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
43. Ooh.Copy !req
44. What a dump!Copy !req
45. Why would Princess Grace
live in a place like this?Copy !req
46. - Dad, that's Monaco.
- D'Copy !req
47. I can do that,
but I don't want to.Copy !req
48. What is this thing?Copy !req
49. It is a monkey's paw, dating
back to Al-al Ben Abdallah.Copy !req
50. It has the power to
grant wishes to its owner.Copy !req
51. Yeah? How much?Copy !req
52. Sir, I must strongly advise you,
do not purchase this.Copy !req
53. Behind every wish
lurks grave misfortune.Copy !req
54. I myself was once
president of Algeria.Copy !req
55. Come on, pal,
I don't want to hear
your life story. Paw me.Copy !req
56. Eww, Homer. Where did you get
that ugly thing?Copy !req
57. Why, at that little shop
right over... there.Copy !req
58. No, wait, it was over there.Copy !req
59. You'll be sorry.Copy !req
60. Flight #7,
Marrakech to Springfield,Copy !req
61. now boarding.Copy !req
62. Just a moment.Copy !req
63. Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!Copy !req
64. They're souvenirs.Copy !req
65. You must pay a fine
of two American dollars.Copy !req
66. Okay.Copy !req
67. Let's wish for x-ray specs
that really work.Copy !req
68. No, Bart... peace on earth.Copy !req
69. - X-ray specs.
- Peace on earth.Copy !req
70. - X-ray specs.
- Peace on earth.Copy !req
71. - X-ray specs.
- Peace on earth.Copy !req
72. Forget it, you two.
As the pants-wearer
of this house,Copy !req
73. I get the first wish.Copy !req
74. Homer, there's something
I don't likeCopy !req
75. about that severed hand.Copy !req
76. Marge, don't flake out on me.Copy !req
77. That monkey's paw is gonna
make our dreams come true.Copy !req
78. No!
Maggie made a wish.Copy !req
79. My land!Copy !req
80. Ooh! A luxury car.Copy !req
81. Good baby.Copy !req
82. Good Maggie.Copy !req
83. A new pacifier.Copy !req
84. D'Copy !req
85. Okay, no more foolin' around.
Paw, this is Bart.Copy !req
86. I wish for the Simpsons
to be rich and famous.Copy !req
87. Now you're talking.Copy !req
88. Yay!Copy !req
89. Woohoo!Copy !req
90. Look, everybody.
My purse exploded!Copy !req
91. Come on, everybody.Copy !req
92. We're going to the fanciest
restaurant in town.Copy !req
93. I'm terribly sorry.Copy !req
94. I have absolutely nothing
until June.Copy !req
95. The Simpsons!Copy !req
96. Right this way, please.Copy !req
97. Homer, maybe fame and fortune
aren't as bad as they say.Copy !req
98. If I hear one more thing
about the Simpsons,Copy !req
99. I swear I'm going to scream.Copy !req
100. At first they were
cute and funny,Copy !req
101. but now they're just annoying.Copy !req
102. 18 bucks for this?
What a rip-off.Copy !req
103. Man, this thing's
really getting out of hand.Copy !req
104. Is there anything they won't do?Copy !req
105. Homer, this is awful.Copy !req
106. Come to think of it,
the guy that sold me this thingCopy !req
107. did say the wishes
would bring grave misfortune.Copy !req
108. I thought he was
just being colorful.Copy !req
109. I wish for world peace.Copy !req
110. Lisa, that was
very selfish of you!Copy !req
111. Sorry about the Falklands,
old boy.Copy !req
112. Forget it.Copy !req
113. We kind of knew they were yours.Copy !req
114. Well, won't be needing
these anymore.Copy !req
115. Foolish humans.Copy !req
116. Yes, Kodos.Copy !req
117. Earth is now ripe
for the plucking.Copy !req
118. People of Earth,Copy !req
119. we come to you in the spirit
of hostility and menace.Copy !req
120. Now, let's be reasonable.Copy !req
121. We can resolve our
differences peacefully.Copy !req
122. Your superior intellectCopy !req
123. is no match
for our puny weapons.Copy !req
124. Gordon, you've got
to do something.Copy !req
125. What do you want me to do?Copy !req
126. I'm a baker now.Copy !req
127. They conquered us with a club.Copy !req
128. Wish we'd saved an A-bomb
or two.Copy !req
129. Move along humans.Copy !req
130. This is all the Simpsons' fault.Copy !req
131. Before I was just
bored with their antics
and their merchandise.Copy !req
132. Now I wish they were dead.Copy !req
133. Geez, now we're slaves.
This paw sucks.Copy !req
134. Okay, okay, I'll make
a wish that can't backfire.Copy !req
135. I wish for a turkey sandwichCopy !req
136. on rye breadCopy !req
137. with lettuce and mustardCopy !req
138. and... and I don't want
any zombie turkeys.Copy !req
139. I don't want to turn
into a turkey myselfCopy !req
140. and I don't want any other
weird surprises, you got it?Copy !req
141. Hey!Copy !req
142. Not bad.Copy !req
143. Nice hot mustard...Copy !req
144. good bread...Copy !req
145. turkey's a little dry...Copy !req
146. The turkey's a little dry?Copy !req
147. Foul the cursed thing!Copy !req
148. What demon
from the depths of hellCopy !req
149. created thee?Copy !req
150. Hey, fellow slave.Copy !req
151. Is that one of
those monkey paw dealiesCopy !req
152. that lets you wish for things?Copy !req
153. Yeah, but I got to warn youCopy !req
154. that this thing is...Copy !req
155. Yeah, that's what it is.Copy !req
156. You want to try it?Copy !req
157. Okely-dokely.Copy !req
158. Ooh, would you look at that.Copy !req
159. Aahh!Copy !req
160. Kneel before my slingshot,
puny earthling!Copy !req
161. Well, I guess my first wishCopy !req
162. is to get rid
of those awful aliens.Copy !req
163. Aahh! He's got a board
with a nail in it!Copy !req
164. Enslave humanity, will ya?Copy !req
165. Run, Kodos!Copy !req
166. Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
167. Well, Kang, it seems
the earthlings won.Copy !req
168. Did they?Copy !req
169. That board with the nail in it
may have defeated us,Copy !req
170. but the humans won't stop there.Copy !req
171. They'll make bigger boards
and bigger nails.Copy !req
172. Soon they will make
a board with a nail so bigCopy !req
173. it will destroy them all!Copy !req
174. Hey, Homer,Copy !req
175. this little thingumajig
really works great.Copy !req
176. Now that I've saved the earth,Copy !req
177. maybe I ought to spruce up
the old homestead.Copy !req
178. I wish I had a monkey's paw.Copy !req
179. Bart?Copy !req
180. Bart?Copy !req
181. What's the matter?Copy !req
182. I had a bad dream.Copy !req
183. Could I sleep in your bed?Copy !req
184. No.Copy !req
185. I'll give you a candy necklace.Copy !req
186. Climb aboard.Copy !req
187. Thanks, Bart.Copy !req
188. Less talk, more sleep.Copy !req
189. Presented for
your consideration:Copy !req
190. Springfield...
An average little townCopy !req
191. with a not-so-average monster.Copy !req
192. Happy thoughts.
Happy, happy, happy...Copy !req
193. The people of Springfield
have to make sureCopy !req
194. they think happy thoughts
and say happy thingsCopy !req
195. because this particular monsterCopy !req
196. can read minds,Copy !req
197. and if displeasedCopy !req
198. can turn people into
grotesque walking terrors.Copy !req
199. Happy thoughts.
Happy thoughts.Copy !req
200. Boy, I'm getting
mighty sick of this.Copy !req
201. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Bow-wow.Copy !req
202. And did I mentionCopy !req
203. that the monster
is a ten-year-old boy?Copy !req
204. Quite a twist?Copy !req
205. Betcha didn't see
that one coming.Copy !req
206. Good morning.Copy !req
207. - Morning.
- Good morning, dear.Copy !req
208. Hiya, Bart.
How's my boy?Copy !req
209. Every day, same old cat.Copy !req
210. I'll make him more interesting.Copy !req
211. There. That's better.Copy !req
212. Much better.Copy !req
213. Good, the curtains are on fire.Copy !req
214. It's good that you made
that awful thing, Bart.Copy !req
215. It's real good.Copy !req
216. Hadn't you better
get ready for school?Copy !req
217. Okay.Copy !req
218. He gets it from your side
of the family, you know.Copy !req
219. No monsters on my side.Copy !req
220. - Hi, guys.
- Aahh!Copy !req
221. Hi, Otto.
Move over, I'm driving.Copy !req
222. No can do, little buddy.Copy !req
223. See, there's a rule...Copy !req
224. Wait.
You're the little dudeCopy !req
225. with all the gnarly powers.Copy !req
226. Quit riding the brake, Otto.Copy !req
227. Give it some gas, man.Copy !req
228. Hey, this is fun, isn't it?Copy !req
229. We're going to die, aren't we?Copy !req
230. Hiya, Bart!Copy !req
231. Well, class,Copy !req
232. the history of our country
has been changed againCopy !req
233. to correspond
with Bart's answers
on yesterday's test.Copy !req
234. America was now discovered
in 1942 by...Copy !req
235. "some guy"Copy !req
236. and our country
isn't called America anymore.Copy !req
237. It's Bonerland.Copy !req
238. Your attention, please.Copy !req
239. This is Principal Skinner.Copy !req
240. Bart, this one's for you.Copy !req
241. Phone.Copy !req
242. Happy thoughts,
happy thoughts...Copy !req
243. Moe's Tavern.Copy !req
244. Hold on. I'll check.Copy !req
245. Hey, everybody.Copy !req
246. I'm a stupid moronCopy !req
247. with an ugly face and a big buttCopy !req
248. and my butt smells and
I like to kiss my own butt.Copy !req
249. That's a new one!Copy !req
250. Wait a minute.Copy !req
251. One more time.Copy !req
252. Double time now.Copy !req
253. I love school.Copy !req
254. Come on, come on.
Make it, make it, make it.Copy !req
255. Please, please, please.Copy !req
256. I want to watch Krusty.Copy !req
257. Shut up, boy.Copy !req
258. If they make this field goal,Copy !req
259. I win 50 bucks.Copy !req
260. The kick is up.Copy !req
261. It's looking good.Copy !req
262. The ball is turning into
a fat, bald guy.Copy !req
263. Aahh! oof!Copy !req
264. And it's no good,
and you know what we sayCopy !req
265. every time
something strange happens...Copy !req
266. It's good that Bart did that.Copy !req
267. It's very good.Copy !req
268. Well, we're still on.Copy !req
269. 346 consecutive hoursCopy !req
270. and all because of
one little boy who...Copy !req
271. Who won't let me stop!Copy !req
272. Anyway, now let's go over
and see if Sideshow MelCopy !req
273. has any more of those legalCopy !req
274. over-the-counter
wake-up drugs of his.Copy !req
275. Slowly, slowly.Copy !req
276. Don't make a sound.
Don't even thinkCopy !req
277. because he can
hear your thoughts.Copy !req
278. Then, when he's least
expecting itCopy !req
279. bash his head in with a chair.Copy !req
280. End of monster.Copy !req
281. Bart!Copy !req
282. Lisa did it.Copy !req
283. That's it, young man.Copy !req
284. You're coming with me.Copy !req
285. Please?Copy !req
286. You like attention
don't you, Bart?Copy !req
287. Do I ever.Copy !req
288. Well, we all do.Copy !req
289. The problem is that
you don't careCopy !req
290. whether you get
good attention for, say,Copy !req
291. getting high marks in schoolCopy !req
292. or bad attention for, say,Copy !req
293. turning your father into
a Jack-in-the-box.Copy !req
294. Homer, I see you agree
with my theory.Copy !req
295. I'm not nodding.
It's the air conditioning.Copy !req
296. Well, that's too bad becauseCopy !req
297. the attention the boy craves
should be coming from you.Copy !req
298. I want you to spend some
quality time with him.Copy !req
299. Get to know him.Copy !req
300. Maybe even love him.Copy !req
301. D'Copy !req
302. Whoa.Copy !req
303. Eeyii!Copy !req
304. Good night, son.Copy !req
305. Good night, Dad.Copy !req
306. You know, these last few days
have been really swell.Copy !req
307. I wish there was something
I could do to repay you.Copy !req
308. Well, if you wanted to,
you could give me my body back.Copy !req
309. You got it.Copy !req
310. Hey, hey.Copy !req
311. Thanks, boy.Copy !req
312. I love you, Dad.Copy !req
313. I love you, son.Copy !req
314. Aaaaaaaaahhh!Copy !req
315. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
316. My goodness!
What's wrong?Copy !req
317. We both had nightmares.Copy !req
318. Can we sleep with you?Copy !req
319. You both toilet trained?Copy !req
320. - Yes!
- Well, okay, then.Copy !req
321. 4:00?Copy !req
322. Couple hours, I have
to get up and go to work.Copy !req
323. Got to go to work.Copy !req
324. Go to work...Copy !req
325. Ooh, look at them, Smithers...Copy !req
326. Goldbrickers,Copy !req
327. lay abouts,Copy !req
328. slugabeds.Copy !req
329. Little do they realizeCopy !req
330. their days of suckling
at my teat are numbered.Copy !req
331. In the meantime, sir,
may I suggest a random firing,Copy !req
332. just to throw
the fear of God into them?Copy !req
333. Very well.Copy !req
334. Eeny, meeny, miny... Him!Copy !req
335. Attention, Homer Simpson.Copy !req
336. Attention, Homer Simpson.Copy !req
337. Wake up, Homer.Copy !req
338. What? What?Copy !req
339. - You're fired.
- For what?Copy !req
340. For sleeping on the job.Copy !req
341. How did you know I was sleeping?Copy !req
342. We've been watching youCopy !req
343. on the surveillance camera.Copy !req
344. Camera?
D-Copy !req
345. Smithers.Copy !req
346. To the laboratory.Copy !req
347. You know, SmithersCopy !req
348. I've always despised
the lazinessCopy !req
349. of the common worker.Copy !req
350. Then I realized
his spirit was willingCopy !req
351. but the flesh was weak.Copy !req
352. So I replaced the flesh,
which is weak,Copy !req
353. with steel, which is strong.Copy !req
354. Behold!Copy !req
355. The greatest breakthrough
in labor relationsCopy !req
356. since the cat o' nine tails!Copy !req
357. How long till it's
up and running, sir?Copy !req
358. Keep your pants on, Smithers.Copy !req
359. First we need...Copy !req
360. a human brain.Copy !req
361. Hey, here's a good job, Dad.Copy !req
362. Wait. You have to know
how to operateCopy !req
363. an ultrasonic lithontriptor.Copy !req
364. How hard can it be?Copy !req
365. Hey, Dad, here's one.Copy !req
366. $28 an hour, plenty of fresh airCopy !req
367. and you get to meet
lots of interesting people.Copy !req
368. Ooh, what job is that?Copy !req
369. Gravedigger.Copy !req
370. Deeper, wider, faster.Copy !req
371. I wouldn't bury my turtle
in that mud puddle.Copy !req
372. What's the use?Copy !req
373. Sheesh!
What a slave driver.Copy !req
374. What corpse
should we unearth, sir?Copy !req
375. I don't know.Copy !req
376. I feel like a kid
in a candy store.Copy !req
377. Hello!Copy !req
378. An open grave.Copy !req
379. Smithers, get him out quickly.Copy !req
380. The stench is overpowering.Copy !req
381. Wait a minute, sir.
That's Homer Simpson.Copy !req
382. He wasn't exactly
a model employee.Copy !req
383. Well, who is a model...Copy !req
384. employee?Copy !req
385. Simpson will do just fine, sir.Copy !req
386. Did you hear that, sir?Copy !req
387. No, I didn't.Copy !req
388. Who is it, Frankenstein?Copy !req
389. The Boogerman?Copy !req
390. It's the man in the bag, sir.
I think he's alive.Copy !req
391. Bad corpse. Bad corpse.Copy !req
392. Stop scaring Smithers.Copy !req
393. Satisfied?Copy !req
394. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
395. Excellent.Copy !req
396. Smithers, hand me
that ice cream scoop.Copy !req
397. Ice cream scoop?Copy !req
398. Damn it, Smithers!Copy !req
399. This isn't rocket science,
it's brain surgery!Copy !req
400. All right.Copy !req
401. Hello...Copy !req
402. look at me... I'm Davy Crockett!Copy !req
403. Look, Smithers... a twitch.Copy !req
404. It's moving!Copy !req
405. It's alive!Copy !req
406. That fellow at Radio Shack
said I was mad.Copy !req
407. Well, who's mad now?Copy !req
408. Hi, there.Copy !req
409. I'm your daddy.Copy !req
410. Sprin-kles.Copy !req
411. Geraldo Rivera,Copy !req
412. Madonna, and a diseased yak.Copy !req
413. Mom, what's wrong?Copy !req
414. It's your father... he's missing.Copy !req
415. Dad's missing?
Get out of here.Copy !req
416. He's been gone for two days.Copy !req
417. What do you know?
She's right.Copy !req
418. It wasn't supposed
to be this way.Copy !req
419. It was supposed to be
a thing of beauty,Copy !req
420. not this abomination.Copy !req
421. Smithers,
I was wrong to play God.Copy !req
422. Life is precious,Copy !req
423. not a thing to be toyed with.Copy !req
424. Now take out that brain
and flush it down the toilet.Copy !req
425. Sir, his family
might appreciate itCopy !req
426. if you returned the brain
to his body.Copy !req
427. Come on. It's 11:45!Copy !req
428. Smithers when you look at meCopy !req
429. with those puppy dog eyes...Copy !req
430. All right.Copy !req
431. Will you quit your complaining.Copy !req
432. Sir, do you know
what this means?Copy !req
433. He is alive.Copy !req
434. Ooh, you're right, Smithers.Copy !req
435. I guess I owe you a Coke.Copy !req
436. And as for youCopy !req
437. you clinking, clattering
cacophonyCopy !req
438. of collagenous cogs
and camshafts...Copy !req
439. Take... that!Copy !req
440. Aahh!Copy !req
441. Run, sir.Copy !req
442. Every bone... shattered,Copy !req
443. organs...
leaking vital fluids,Copy !req
444. a slight headache,
loss of appetite.Copy !req
445. Smithers, I'm going to die.Copy !req
446. Sir, is there nothing I can do?Copy !req
447. Well, perhaps.Copy !req
448. Smithers, go to my office.Copy !req
449. In the third drawer
of my desk are...Copy !req
450. surgical tools...
and some ether.Copy !req
451. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!Copy !req
452. Did you have a nightmare, Homie?Copy !req
453. No, Bart bit me.Copy !req
454. Hey, man, you were crushing me.Copy !req
455. I tried to scream,
but my mouth was full of flab.Copy !req
456. Got to go shake the dew
off the lily.Copy !req
457. Aahh!Copy !req
458. Perhaps you're wondering
why you have two heads.Copy !req
459. Well, my body was crushed,
so I had my head grafted ontoCopy !req
460. your, shall we say, ample frame.Copy !req
461. I can wake up.
It's all a dream.Copy !req
462. It's just a dream.Copy !req
463. That's right.Copy !req
464. It's all a dream...Copy !req
465. or is it?Copy !req
466. Next week on "The Simpsons"...Copy !req
467. Don't forget, Dad.Copy !req
468. Tonight my class is havingCopy !req
469. an all-you-can-eat
spaghetti dinner.Copy !req
470. Spaghetti.Copy !req
471. But Homer, tonight's
our receptionCopy !req
472. for Queen Beatrix
of the Netherlands.Copy !req
473. I hate having two heads.Copy !req
474. Shh!Copy !req
475. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.Copy !req