The Simpsons 3x19

Directed by Jim Reardon

Maggie Roswell as Nurse / Miss Hoover (voice) • Frank Welker as Santa's Little Helper / Mr. Teeny / Hounds (voice)

Santa's Little Helper notices resentment after the Simpsons make sacrifices to fund his life-saving operation.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'

2. Look, Dad, there's a spot.

3. D'

4. There's a spot, dear.

5. D' There's a good one.

6. That spot says "compact only."

7. Marge, that's just a suggested car size.

8. Easy... easy...

9. How am I doing on the right?

10. We're getting a lot of sparks over here, Dad.

11. Easy...

12. Easy...

13. Perfect.

14. All right, everybody, out the window.

15. Ooh! They all look great.

16. So, what are we going to see?

17. Ernest Cuts the Cheese!

18. Honey, I Hit a School Bus!

19. Look Who's Oinking! Look Who's Oinking!

20. Since we'll never agree.

21. Why don't you kids pick a movie,

22. your dad and I will pick a movie,

23. then we'll all meet in the lobby later?

24. Thanks, Mom.

25. Two tickets for...

26. Let me guess. Look Who's Oinking.

27. - That's right. - Sold out.

28. Maybe we could see something

29. a little more adult.

30. Why, Marge, you frisky little devil.

31. We'll take two tickets to

32. The Stockholm Affair.

33. The paper called it a taut political thriller.

34. Political?

35. Mr. President, disturbing news. Serious cracks are developing

36. in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.

37. Get me Jed Colic!

38. This movie's too complicated.

39. Hey, the floor's sticky.

40. Who's that guy?

41. What did that guy say when I said "who's that guy?"

42. That submarine is so fake.

43. Look, you can see the strings.

44. Ooh! An octopus!

45. - Shh! - What?

46. If you don't watch the violence,

47. you'll never get desensitized to it.

48. Just tell me when the scary part's over.

49. It's over.

50. I think that guy's a spy.

51. Well, of course he's a spy.

52. You just saw him go through spy school.

53. Wait, I heard how this ends.

54. It turns out the secret code

55. was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter.

56. Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it.

57. Shut up, Homer.

58. No one wants to hear what you think!

59. Homer, if it makes you feel any better,

60. most of what they threw at you

61. splattered on me. Homer?

62. Forget it, Mom. Dad's really mad.

63. The tendons are throbbing at the base of his neck.

64. And stress is collecting in the trouble spots...

65. Here, here, and here...

66. Making for one unhappy pappy.

67. Homie, aren't you coming inside?

68. Marge, I have always carried myself

69. with a certain quiet dignity.

70. Tonight, you robbed me of it.

71. I'm going now,

72. and I don't know when you'll see me again.

73. I guess that executive stress ball

74. we got him for Christmas isn't working.

75. Eww, a skunk.

76. No!

77. Ooh, a redneck bar.

78. Hey, you, let's fight.

79. Them's fightin' words.

80. Duff, please.

81. We don't sell Duff.

82. We sell Fudd.

83. Okay, Fudd me.

84. Alright, alright ladies and gentlemen

85. he's all healed up and he's back for more.

86. Let's give a big drunken welcome to Yodeling Zeke.

87. Our next act is our very own singing waitress... Lurleen.

88. So I'm afraid drink service

89. will stop for just a few moments...

90. They're all yours.

91. Stupid Marge... Tell me to shut up.

92. Thank you. Tonight I'd like to try

93. something a little different.

94. It's a song I wrote

95. while I was mopping up your dried blood and teeth.

96. Yeah.

97. That's true.

98. That's right... except for the pick-up truck.

99. Hey, Lurleen?

100. I've got to say something to you.

101. I'm listening.

102. Your song touched me

103. in a way I've never felt before.

104. And which way to the can?

105. So what's your name, stranger?

106. Homer J. Simpson.

107. My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.

108. - That's a pretty name. - You think so?

109. Maybe. I'm not sure.

110. I forgot it.

111. Bye, Lurleen.

112. So long, Homer J. Simpson.

113. Hello.

114. Where were you all night?

115. I was just up at this bar in Spittle County.

116. You should have called. I was very worried.

117. Marge, let's end this feudin' and a-fussin'

118. and get down to some lovin'.

119. Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gall bladder.

120. Put it back! Put it back!

121. Gee, Homer's singing to his ball again.

122. - Yeah, and he's bowling a 280. - Yeah?

123. Hey, Moe, you got any Fudd?

124. Fudd? I thought they took that off the market

125. after all those hillbillies went blind.

126. No... I went to this bar the other night and...

127. W-wait a minute.

128. You went to another bar?

129. Moe, I was 100 miles out of town.

130. Homer.

131. Well, if it isn't Homer J. Simpson.

132. Lurleen, I can't get your song out of my mind.

133. I haven't felt this way since "Funky Town."

134. Aren't you sweet.

135. Do you think I can get a copy of it?

136. Sorry darlin'. All my songs are up here...

137. "I'm Basting a Turkey with My Tears,"

138. "Don't Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It,"

139. "I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth."

140. Lurleen, we've got to crack open your head

141. and scoop out those songs.

142. Ooh! I don't know.

143. Come with me.

144. Listen, ma'am,

145. my brother owns a radio station over in Weevilville

146. and with your permission, I'd like to take your CD to him.

147. Homer, it's your quarter.

148. What do you say?

149. I guess so.

150. This is KUDD 570 AM.

151. Hey, don't touch that dial. You've got KUDD on it.

152. For the next half hour, beer's on the house.

153. - What did you say, Moe? - Nothing.

154. I thought I told you

155. to stay away from my sister!

156. Here's 50 bucks.

157. Take her to the Copa.

158. It's payback time.

159. Aww...

160. Puts this whole riot into perspective, doesn't it?

161. She's wonderful.

162. I could feel her sweet country soul in every digitally encoded bit.

163. Country music sucks.

164. All it does is take precious air space away from shock deejays

165. whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.

166. Shut up, boy. Marge, what do you think?

167. Well, it's nice, but who is this woman?

168. Well, right now she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress,

169. but she's going to be a country music superstar,

170. like, that jerk in the cowboy hat,

171. and that dead lady.

172. I don't like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.

173. Marge, you make it sound so seamy.

174. All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer

175. watching her try on some outfits.

176. Well, hi, Lurleen.

177. We were just talking about you.

178. I think I can come over. Let me ask my wife.

179. It's a date.

180. Homer.

181. Everybody's been calling...

182. Mama, Daddy, the triplets, Vonda Mae, Piney Joe...

183. and I owe it all to you.

184. Don't thank me, Lurleen.

185. You should be thanking your brain.

186. Wow, Homer.

187. No man has ever been this nice to me without...

188. you know, wanting something in return.

189. Well, I was going to ask for a glass of water,

190. but now I feel kinda guilty about it.

191. Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.

192. Thanks.

193. You did say "sugar," right?

194. Now, Homer, I want you to be my manager.

195. Really? Well, I should warn you,

196. - I'm not great with figures. - That's okay.

197. I make a lot of stupid decisions.

198. Nobody's perfect.

199. - I did bad in school. - I didn't even go.

200. My personal hygiene has been described as...

201. Homer, Homer, you'll be a great manager.

202. There's only one thing you need.

203. Now, this is made from a space-age fabric

204. developed especially for Elvis.

205. Sweat actually cleans this suit.

206. Marge, look at me.

207. I don't want to... I'm mad at you.

208. I'm sick of that waitress and all the time you've been spending with her

209. and this whole country music thing.

210. Then maybe you'd better not look at me.

211. Homer, where did you get that suit?

212. A friend bought it for me.

213. Was it Lurleen?

214. - No. I think it was Lenny. - Don't lie to me.

215. - Are you having an affair with this woman? - No!

216. - Have you kissed her? - No!

217. - Has she kissed you? - A couple of times.

218. I want you to stop seeing her.

219. I can't... I'm her manager.

220. Her manage... That's ridiculous.

221. I won't allow you to spend any more time

222. away from your family.

223. Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream

224. of managing a beautiful country singer!

225. Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie,

226. and you did it at the county fair last year, remember?

227. Marge, Lurleen's gonna be a big success,

228. and whether you like it or not, I'm going to be there.

229. Fine. See if I care!

230. This studio has a lot of history.

231. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said,

232. "There is no way in hell that I'm gonna record in this dump."

233. I'm sure Lurleen will love it.

234. Homer, how much did you just give that man?

235. Calm down, Marge. It's just our life savings.

236. I'm not going to go into hock for this.

237. Hey, Colonel Homer.

238. And you must be...

239. Mrs. Homer Simpson.

240. Charmed.

241. I thought you said she was overweight.

242. Marge, it takes two to lie:

243. one to lie and one to listen.

244. What does that mean?

245. I don't have time to answer all these questions.

246. Time is money.

247. Come on, people.

248. Well, come on, boys.

249. Let's break some hearts.

250. Hey, Dad, can I do a hambone solo?

251. Stop it.

252. That's right.

253. Lurleen, we're gonna have to cut you off.

254. We're getting some kind of grinding noise on the track.

255. You, off the bench.

256. Guess what, Lurleen.

257. I got you a gig on TV.

258. Homer, you're as smart as you are handsome.

259. Hey! You meant that as a compliment.

260. Now, on this show they want you to sing two songs.

261. Maybe we should give them something new.

262. Well, I have been working on something

263. that could really heat things up.

264. Let's hear it.

265. That's hot.

266. There isn't a man alive

267. who wouldn't get turned on by that.

268. Well, good-bye.

269. Homer, there's a hidden message to this song

270. that you may have missed.

271. Really listen.

272. Lurleen!

273. That's right, Homer J.

274. I got to think about this.

275. All our money's tied up in this woman.

276. If she fails, we're broke.

277. If she succeeds, I have no husband.

278. I don't know what to root for.

279. You don't?

280. I got to go.

281. Homer?

282. Later, Marge. Lurleen's on TV tonight.

283. I got to get ready.

284. Just so you know...

285. While you and Lurleen were out judging

286. that greased pig contest,

287. Maggie cut her first tooth.

288. That's great, honey.

289. Say, have you seen my rattlesnake hatband?

290. You're not even listening to me.

291. Sure they will.

292. Kids, will you come in here?

293. You've got a wonderful family, Homer.

294. Please don't forget it when you walk out that door tonight.

295. I got to go.

296. As much as I hate that man right now,

297. you got to love that suit.

298. Hold on to your pitchforks, everybody.

299. It's time again for Ya Hoo!

300. Starring, in alphabetical order...

301. Yodeling Zeke,

302. Butterball Jackson,

303. Freddie Boy and Yuma,

304. Cloris Moselle,

305. Big Shirtless Ron,

306. Orville and Hurley,

307. Gappy Mae,

308. Hip Diddler,

309. Rudy,

310. the Ya Hoo Recovering Alcoholic Jug Band,

311. and tonight, in her syndicated TV debut... Lurleen!

312. Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?

313. Yes, I am.

314. I'm from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Togasake Corporation.

315. I'm interested in buying Lurleen's contract.

316. Forget it, pal.

317. They don't call me Colonel Homer

318. because I'm some dumb-ass Army guy.

319. Lurleen, they loved you.

320. Well thank you. I'm still a little itchy from that fiberglass hay.

321. Is there anything you need?

322. Well, you could make my evening complete.

323. What's wrong?

324. My whole romantic life is flashing before my eyes.

325. Gross!

326. Thanks for dinner.

327. No!

328. At least, could I have my dollar...

329. I'll love you for the rest of my life.

330. I'm sorry, Lurleen.

331. All I wanted to do was share your beautiful voice

332. with other people, and I've done that.

333. Now, I'd better get out of here

334. before I lose my family.

335. Just so I don't wonder...

336. You would have gone all the way with me, wouldn't ya?

337. Ooh... okay.

338. Now before we negotiate, I have to tell you

339. I'm desperate to unload Lurleen

340. and I'll take any offer.

341. I'll give ya 50 bucks.

342. You son of a... Sold.

343. I caught my wife in bed

344. with my best friend.

345. You bitter?

346. Yep. Bit him too.

347. And now, once again... Lurleen.

348. Homer?

349. Is there any room in that bed for a dad-burned fool?

350. Always has been.

351. Now I'd like to play a song I wrote just this minute.

352. It's called "Stand By Your Manager."

353. I do.

354. Shh!

355. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.