1. D'
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2. Aah!
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3. Hey everybody,
Bret Gunselman here
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4. on pivotal week eight
of the N.F.L. season.
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5. Now stay tuned for six hours
of exciting football action.
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6. Well, bye-bye belt.
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7. Homer, all those fatty
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8. deep-fried,
heavily-salted snacks
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9. can't be good for your heart.
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10. My heart is just fine.
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11. A little beer
will put out that fire.
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12. And now with the specs
for today's games
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13. The man who's right
52% of the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo.
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14. Thank you Bret, our first game today,
Denver and New England
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15. is too close to call.
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16. But if you're
one of those compulsive types
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17. who just has to bet...
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18. well, I don't know.
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19. Denver!
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20. Woo-whoo!
Denver! Yeah!
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21. Moe's Tavern
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22. where the peanut bowl
is freshened hourly.
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23. Moe, I'd like to bet $20
on Denver.
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24. I think I can provide
that service.
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25. Chief Wiggum, could you hand me
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26. that little black book?
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27. Sure thing, Moe.
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28. I was just using it
as a coaster.
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29. 20 big ones on Denver.
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30. Pleasure doing
business with you.
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31. H.S.
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32. All right, Denver,
justify my love.
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33. At the end of 13 seconds of play
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34. it's New England seven,
Denver nothing.
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35. D'
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36. Look, Dad.
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37. I made a model studio apartment
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38. for my Malibu Stacy doll.
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39. This is a kitchen.
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40. This is where she prints
her weekly feminist newsletter.
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41. Dad, you're not listening to me!
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42. Lousy, stupid Denver.
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43. Look at that, a shoe box house.
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44. Lisa, you're so clever.
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45. Why isn't Dad ever interested
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46. in anything I do?
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47. Well... do you ever take an
interest in anything he does?
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48. No. Well, we used
to have burping contests
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49. but I outgrew it.
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50. If you want to get closer to him
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51. maybe you should bridge the gap.
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52. I do it all the time.
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53. I pretend I'm interested in
looking at power tools
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54. going to those silly
car-chase movies
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55. and... some things I'll tell
you about when you're older.
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56. Do you understand?
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57. I think so.
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58. - Bart!
- What?
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59. Look at that.
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60. Why did you do that?
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61. Wouldn't it be fun if we
watched the game together?
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62. Okay.
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63. Just don't say anything,
and sit down over there.
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64. Over.
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65. Over.
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66. Over.
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67. Over.
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68. Lisa, please,
I can't hear the announcer.
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69. He said Denver just fumbled.
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70. D'
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71. See you in hell, soldier boy.
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72. Bart?
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73. Yeah, Mom.
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74. I was thinking that while
your father and Lisa watch the game,
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75. it might be fun if the two of us
went clothes shopping.
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76. Mom, I'd love to, but to be honest,
I don't need new clothes.
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77. Really?
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78. So even though I'd love to spend
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79. this sunny afternoon
trying on clothes, it's not...
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80. Folks, when you're right
52% of the time
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81. you're wrong 48% of the time.
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82. Why didn't you say that before?
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83. Okay, Jimmy,
you're off the hook.
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84. We've got Miami-Cincinnati
coming up. Any thoughts?
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85. I certainly do, Bret.
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86. I hereby declare Miami
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87. to be Smooth Jimmy's
'Lock of the Week.'
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88. Ooh, that's a big lock, alright.
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89. But I just don't trust that guy.
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90. In the Cincinnati-Miami game
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91. I declare Cincinnati to be
my "Shoe-in of the Week."
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92. They both make a good case.
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93. After evaluating
millions of pieces of data
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94. in the blink of an eye,
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95. the Gambletron 2000 says
the winner is... Cincinnati
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96. by 200 points?
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97. Why, you worthless hunk of junk!
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98. You want some of this,
don't you?
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99. Yeah!
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100. Well, you need to
know the winners,
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101. and I know the winners.
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102. So call me now.
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103. $5 for the first minute,
$2 for each additional minute.
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104. You... have reached...
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105. the coach's...
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106. hot...
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107. Line.
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108. Line.
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109. Lay it on me, coach.
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110. In the game of...
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111. Mi-am-I
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112. Versus Cin...
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113. Cincinnati.
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114. - Cin...
- Cincinnati.
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115. - Na... ti.
- Cincinnati.
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116. C'mon, c'mon! Don't you realize
this is costing me money?
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117. We must consider...
many things.
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118. The wind...
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119. D'not the wind!
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120. Is blowing out of the...
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121. west...
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122. at five...
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123. Miles per hour.
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124. - Knots.
- D'
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125. This is ridiculous!
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126. What am I supposed to do?
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127. Lisa, who do you think's
gonna win?
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128. The Bengals or the Dolphins?
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129. I don't know.
The Dolphins?
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130. Good, good.
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131. Moe, $50 on the Miami Dolphins.
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132. Gotcha. 50 beans on Miami.
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133. Homer, I got a call
on the other line. Hello?
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134. Moe, it's me, Mr. K.
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135. Yeah, yeah, what will it be?
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136. Put me down for $700
on the Rams.
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137. And put Sideshow Mel down
for two grand.
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138. Mom, I'm tired.
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139. I want to go home.
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140. Can't I just lie down
for a minute?
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141. Bart, I think
you'd look very sharp
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142. in this shirt.
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143. Fine. Get it. Let's go.
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144. No, no, no.
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145. You have to try it on.
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146. Ooh, and this one's 50% off.
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147. You know why these
clothes are on sale, Mom?
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148. Because the people
who wear them get beaten up.
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149. Well, anyone who would beat you up
for wearing a shirt isn't your friend.
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150. Ooh, this looks good,
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151. and this one is very, very cute
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152. and these...
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153. Look, little bow ties!
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154. And don't make that face at me.
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155. How did you know?
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156. Touchdown, Dolphins!
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157. All right, Dolphins!
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158. All right, Dolphins!
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159. - Woo-hoo!
- Woo-hoo!
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160. 50 big ones!
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161. 50 big ones?
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162. You see, Lisa,
Daddy's friend Moe promised
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163. to give him $50
if the Dolphins won the game.
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164. You mean you made a bet?
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165. I wouldn't call it a bet.
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166. It's a little thing Daddies do
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167. to make football more exciting.
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168. What could be more exciting
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169. than the savage ballet
that is pro football?
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170. Well, you know.
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171. You like ice cream, don't you?
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172. Don't you like ice cream better
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173. when it's covered with hot fudge
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174. and mounds of whipped cream,
chopped nuts
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175. and those crumbled-up
cookie things they mash up?
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176. Crumbled-up cookie things.
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177. So gambling makes a
good thing even better?
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178. That's right!
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179. My God...
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180. it's like there's
some kind of bond between us.
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181. We've got a troublemaker
in booth eight.
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182. Forget him.
There's a code red in booth three.
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183. My God!
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184. Those aren't the socks
she came in with.
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185. Um-um... Let's move.
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186. - Bart?
- In here Mom, but Don't open the...
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187. Bart, you could use
some new underwear too.
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188. Look at that stupid kid!
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189. - Three!
- Three!
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190. - Two!
- Two!
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191. - One!
- One!
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192. And the final
from Riverfront Stadium:
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193. Miami 24, Cincinnati 10.
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194. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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195. Boy! Mom sure will
be happy you won $50.
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196. You'd think that, wouldn't you?
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197. But you see, Lisa,
your mother has this crazy idea
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198. that gambling is wrong
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199. even though they
say it's okay in the Bible.
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200. Really? Where?
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201. Somewhere in the back.
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202. The point is,
we had a great time today.
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203. And to keep it that way
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204. let's not tell your mother
about our little wager, okay?
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205. Okay, Dad.
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206. Did you two have fun?
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207. You bet.
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208. Well, we had fun too.
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209. Right now,
Bart is modeling his new clothes
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210. for his friends.
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211. Ooh...
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212. You got to come out
sometime, Simpson.
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213. Goodnight, Dad.
I had a really nice time today.
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214. Me too, honey.
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215. Can I watch football with you
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216. again next Sunday?
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217. Sure. You'll find
it gets rid
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218. of the unpleasant aftertaste
of church.
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219. See how good things can happen
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220. if you make a little effort?
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221. Point well taken.
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222. Mom... could you loosen
my blanket a little?
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223. Dad tucked me in too tight,
and it's cutting off
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224. the circulation
in my arms and legs.
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225. This team is fired up.
We came here to play.
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226. - Alright!
- He'll lose.
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227. What? Didn't you hear
what he said?
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228. Look at the fear in his eyes.
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229. Listen to the quiver
in his voice.
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230. He's a little boy
lost in a game of men.
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231. Do you think we should
bet against them?
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232. I'd bet my entire
college fund on it.
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233. You got it.
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234. Moe, $23 on New York.
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235. Start spreading the news.
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236. It's New York over
Philadelphia, 35 to 10.
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237. - Yay!
- Yay!
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238. Dad, I hate to break the mood
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239. but I'm getting nauseous.
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240. Sorry.
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241. So, who do you like
in the afternoon games?
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242. Well, I like the 49ers
because they're pure of heart,
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243. Seattle because they got
something to prove,
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244. and the Raiders
because they always cheat.
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245. In an extremely suspicious play
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246. the Raiders win!
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247. Three for three!
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248. Hey, the new sign's
really working.
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249. It's been a madhouse, Lisa.
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250. Let's see...
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251. Football... football...
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252. homoeroticism in...
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253. oddball Canadian rules...
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254. Phyllis George in...
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255. Doctor, what a finish!
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256. The final score...
Atlanta 17, Houston 13.
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257. And the lowly Falcons
are flying high.
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258. Who would have thunk it?
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259. My daughter, that's who.
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260. Yeah, me.
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261. Lisa, you pick the winner
every time.
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262. You must have some kind
of special gift.
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263. Come on Dad. It doesn't
take a genius
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264. to realize that Houston's failed
to cover their last ten outings
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265. on away turf the week
after scoring more
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266. than three touchdowns
in a conference game.
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267. My little girl
says the cutest things.
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268. You know, Dad,
Sunday is fast becoming
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269. my favorite day of the week.
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270. Not Sunday... Daddy-Daughter Day.
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271. The usual, Moe...
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272. A beer...
and a wad of bills!
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273. Okay...
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274. You lucky moron.
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275. Here you go, Homer, $135.
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276. I used to hate the smell
of your sweaty feet.
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277. Now it's the smell of victory.
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278. Shut up.
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279. Look at these prices.
We could finally get rid
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280. of those termites
for the cost of this meal.
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281. Tut-tut, only the best
for my family.
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282. Homer, I can't help wondering
where you're getting the money from?
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283. Mom, can't a man do something
nice for his loved ones?
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284. I guess so.
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285. Hello, I'm Marco,
I'll be your waiter.
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286. Hello, I'm Homer,
I'll be your customer.
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287. Never heard that one before.
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288. Would you care
to select the wine?
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289. I'll do the honors.
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290. No, no, no, no.
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291. My God!
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292. What passes for
a wine list these days?
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293. Marco, just bring us your
freshest bottle of wine.
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294. Chop, chop.
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295. Charming lad.
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296. Violin guy.
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297. What's your favorite song, Lisa?
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298. - "The Broken Neck Blues."
- Play on.
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299. It is the playoffs.
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300. It's five below.
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301. And there's one loyal fan
wearing nothing but a G-string.
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302. And the team colors
painted on his body.
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303. He doesn't look too happy.
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304. Well, maybe the paint has shut
off his pores and he's slowly suffocating.
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305. Still, that is a real fan.
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306. Well Lisa, it's
Daddy-Daughter Day,
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307. and Daddy needs
daughter's picks.
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308. Dad, I'm making the Chiefs
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309. my five-star,
silver bullet special.
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310. And with your blessing,
I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys
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311. plus five at Chicago.
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312. Good, good. You call Moe.
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313. Moe, this is L.S.
calling for H.S.
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314. Just give me the bet, Lisa.
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315. 110, 120...
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316. You lucky son of a...
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317. Hey Homer, you want to go
bowling next Sunday?
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318. Barney, are you nuts?
That's the Super Bowl.
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319. How about the Sunday after that?
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320. Well, my ma's coming in
from Norway
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321. but what the hell.
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322. And when the doctor said
I didn't have worms anymore,
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323. that was the happiest day
of my life.
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324. Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
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325. Lisa Simpson, would you like
to read your essay?
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326. The happiest day of my life
was three Sundays ago
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327. I was sitting on my Daddy's
knee when the Saints...
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328. Who are four and a half point favorites,
but only up by three...
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329. Kicked a meaningless field goal
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330. at the last second
to cover the spread.
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331. Dear God!
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332. Dad!
You must have bought me
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333. every Malibu Stacy
accessory there is.
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334. Not quite.
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335. They were out
of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers.
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336. Ooh, perfume!
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337. "Meryl Streep's Versatility."
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338. Boy, I know you're going
to like your present.
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339. Shut up! Shut up!
Kiss my butt!
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340. Shut up!
Go to hell! Go to hell!
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341. Dad, I promise you,
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342. I will never get tired of this.
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343. Homer, those were
very thoughtful presents
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344. but you have to tell me
where you got the money from.
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345. Alright Marge, I'll tell you,
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346. but first you have to
promise you will not get mad.
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347. I promise I will get mad
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348. because I always do when you
make me promise I won't.
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349. Alright, if you must know,
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350. Lisa and I have been gambling
on pro football.
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351. Homer!
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352. You promised
you wouldn't get mad.
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353. I did not.
I promised I would get mad.
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354. She's an eight-year-old girl!
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355. Marge, she never loses.
She's got a gift.
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356. Aren't parents supposed
to encourage their kids
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357. whenever they show talent?
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358. But gambling is illegal.
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359. Only in 48 states.
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360. Besides,
it's a victimless crime.
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361. The only victim is Moe
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362. and it's brought
Lisa and me together.
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363. I just don't know.
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364. Look, what's the problem?
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365. The kids are happy,
you smell like Meryl Streep
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366. and I got that foot massager
I've always wanted.
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367. Believe me, Marge, nothing bad
could possibly come of this.
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368. You know, Dad,
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369. we've been watching
a lot of TV lately.
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370. Maybe the Sunday
after the Super Bowl
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371. we could hike up to
the top of Mt. Springfield.
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372. The fires in the tire yards
really make for some beautiful sunsets.
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373. That sounds great honey, but next
Sunday I'm going bowling with Barney.
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374. What about Daddy-Daughter Day?
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375. Don't worry. The new football season
is only seven months away.
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376. So that's it.
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377. You just wanted me
to help you gamble.
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378. You never wanted
to be with me at all.
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379. You're a very selfish man.
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380. Go to hell!
Go to hell!
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381. Hey, once again,
great present, Dad.
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382. My third husband bought me this.
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383. Give me some chips for it.
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384. Are you sure Ma'am?
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385. Don't tell me what to do Sonny.
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386. I've been gambling
since I was eight
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387. and I've been hocking jewelry
since I was 12.
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388. Now give me some chips.
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389. Look around you, Malibu Stacy.
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390. All this was bought
with dirty money.
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391. Your penthouse, your Alfa-Romeo,
your collagen-injection clinic.
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392. You're going back
into the shoebox.
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393. It may not be pretty
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394. but damn it, it's honest.
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395. I, Lisa Simpson
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396. am hereby giving away
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397. all my ill-gotten
Malibu Stacy accessories!
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398. Look Lisa, I bought you
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399. a Malibu Stacy chinchilla coat.
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400. Ooh!
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401. So you've come to buy
my forgiveness.
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402. Sorry, Homer.
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403. Lisa, honey, I'm sorry
I hurt your feelings.
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404. But I really had a good time
watching football with you
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405. and I think you had
a good time with me.
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406. Yeah, I did.
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407. Well, come on, we can still
watch the Super Bowl together
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408. Can't we?
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409. Well, I would like to see
what the fuss is about.
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410. It's a date.
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411. So...
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412. Do you think the Redskins
will beat the spread?
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413. Put me down.
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414. Look Dad, I'll tell you who's going
to win the Super Bowl if you want me to,
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415. but it will just
validate my theory
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416. that you cared more
about winning money
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417. than you did about me.
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418. Okay.
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419. I think Washington
is a mortal lock.
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420. Washington!
Whoo-hoo!
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421. However...
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422. However? What however?
What do you mean 'however'?
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423. However what?
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424. However, I may also be
so clouded with rage
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425. that subconsciously
I want you to lose.
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426. In which case,
I'd bet the farm on Buffalo.
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427. Lisa, do me a favor.
Complete this sentence:
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428. Daddy should bet
all his money on...
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429. I don't know.
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430. If I still love you, Washington.
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431. If I don't, Buffalo.
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432. Homer, I think that chip's
got enough dip on it.
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433. We're live from the
Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome
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434. and Super Bowl 26.
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435. Today we're going to be seen
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436. by people in 150 countries
all over the world
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437. including our newest affiliate,
W-Gimel-Aleph-Nun
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438. in Tel Aviv.
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439. Stupid!
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440. Sorry...
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441. Formidable.
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442. Every note is
like a dagger in my heart.
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443. I got to get out of here.
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444. Moe's Tavern.
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445. Home of the Super Sunday
Brunch Spectacular.
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446. Baloney.
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447. Bread!
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448. Got you down for 40 bucks.
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449. Good luck, Your Eminence.
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450. Sorry, Homer, you can't take
any more of my money.
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451. I'm out of the bookie business.
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452. But Moe,
you've been taking bets all...
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453. - Hey, Barney, how 'bout a free beer.
- Wow!
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454. Don't worry, Moe,
I'm not betting.
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455. - What? Give me that.
- Aw.
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456. I had the greatest gift of all...
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457. A little girl who
could pick football...
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458. And I ruined it.
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459. Well, sir, we're two hours
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460. and 45 minutes into
the pregame show,
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461. and we've got ourselves
a special guest...
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462. Actor Troy McClure,
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463. whose new sitcom
is premiering tonight
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464. coincidentally enough,
right after the game!
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465. Thanks, Bret.
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466. My new show's called
"Handle With Care."
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467. I play Jack Handle,
a retired cop
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468. who shares an apartment
with a retired criminal.
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469. We're the original Odd Couple.
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470. What made you want to do
a situation comedy?
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471. Well I fell in love
with the script, Bret.
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472. And my recent trouble
with the IRS sealed the deal.
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473. Great, great, Troy.
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474. Ooh! Looks like
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475. we're almost ready
for the kickoff.
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476. Washington kicks.
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477. It's a bad kick, way too short.
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478. Buffalo is going to start
with excellent field position.
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479. Buffalo's going to win.
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480. Lisa hates me.
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481. What you got riding
on this game?
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482. My daughter.
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483. What a gambler.
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484. And with the score at the half...
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485. Buffalo 14, Washington 7...
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486. It's time for the never-tedious
Super Bowl halftime show.
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487. People of Earth, we've come
ten billion light-years
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488. to bring you this
halftime message of peace.
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489. This sucks.
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490. Come on, snipers, where are you?
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491. Bart, who's winning?
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492. You-hate-Dad is up
by a touchdown.
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493. Go! Go! Go! Go! Yay!
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494. It's a touchdown
for halfback Dan Beerdorf.
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495. Duff Dry has won the Duff Bowl.
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496. They wanted it more.
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497. Hey, Homer, didn't you say
if Duff Dry wins,
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498. your daughter loves you?
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499. Not Duff Dry, Washington.
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500. Okay, okay,
they're both great teams.
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501. - Yay!
- Yay!
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502. Touchdown, Redskins.
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503. All right,
we're back in business.
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504. Well, I'm glad some people
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505. could resist the lures
of the big game.
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506. My God!
I forgot the game!
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507. So, with three ticks left
on the clock,
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508. it all comes down
to this one play.
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509. If Washington scores here,
happy fans will be looting
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510. and turning over cars in our
nation's capitol tonight.
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511. Here's the handoff..
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512. Please, please, please.
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513. Touchdown!
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514. Stick a cork in this one,
it is done!
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515. The Washington Redskins
win Super Bowl 26!
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516. I guess you love Dad.
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517. I suspected as much.
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518. Yes! She loves me,
she loves me.
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519. What are you so
happy about, Homer?
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520. You didn't win any money.
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521. Money comes and money goes,
but what I have with my daughter
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522. can go on for eight more years!
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523. Come on, Dad!
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524. It's beautiful.
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525. Isn't it, though?
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526. After I catch my breath...
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527. can we go home?
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528. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
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