1. Live from the Springfield Center
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2. for the Performing Arts
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3. The wrestling match
of the century.
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4. Today, Rasputin,
the friendly Russian.
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5. Didn't he used to be
the mad Russian?
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6. Yes, but I'm afraid
the forces of history
have changed wrestling...
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7. perhaps forever.
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8. And the challenger
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9. from the University
of Heidelberg
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10. Professor Werner Von Brawn.
That's Brawn with a 'W'.
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11. Two titans at the height
of their careers.
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12. If you ask me
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13. this is going to be
one hell of a match.
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14. Oh Bart, I hope you're
not taking this seriously.
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15. Even a five-year-old knows
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16. that this is as choreographed
as any ballet.
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17. Rasputin's got
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18. the reach
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19. but on the other hand,
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20. the Professor's
got his patented
"coma lock."
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21. If you ask me,
this is gonna be
one hell of a match.
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22. Oh, look
at that show-off.
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23. Kissing his own muscles. Bull!
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24. Rasputin is spinning
the Professor
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25. like an auto-gyro.
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26. That's got to be
disorienting.
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27. Hey, Milhouse, crank it up.
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28. Hey, that's my seat.
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29. was your seat.
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30. But I only got up
to go to the can.
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31. Hey, I don't see your name
engraved on this bar stool.
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32. One... two... three...
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33. four... five... six...
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34. seven... eight... nine...
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35. The ref is issuing
a warning to Rasputin.
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36. Boo!
( clank )
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37. Oh, my, oh, my!
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38. Why is the referee
permitting this?
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39. Boo! Boo! Hiss!
( bell rings )
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40. Boo! Hiss! Boo!
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41. Boo! Boo!
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42. This Saturday,
for one night only,
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43. your life will
be changed forever.
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44. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
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45. at the Springfield Speedway—
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46. Don "Crusher" Woodard!
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47. John "The Skunk" Tremaine!
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48. And the Team Kamaratsu
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49. dirt-riding dunk-masters
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50. at the year's biggest
monster truck rally!
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51. One night only.
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52. Plus the amazing
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53. the astounding,
the unbelievable—
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54. Truckasaurus!
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55. 20 tons and four stories
of car-crunching
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56. fire-breathing,
prehistoric insanity!
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57. Whoa!
Whoa!
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58. One night only
at the Springfield Speedway
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59. This Saturday.
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60. If you miss this,
you'd better be dead
or in jail.
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61. And if you're in jail,
break out!
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62. Be there! Be there!
( echoes )
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63. Be there!
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64. Truckasaurus!
Truckasaurus!
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65. I have an announcement to make.
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66. As a family growth thing,
Bart and I think
we should all go
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67. to the monster truck rally
this Saturday.
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68. Aren't you forgetting
something?
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69. Uh...
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70. Monster truck rally...
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71. growth thing...
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72. No, I don't think so.
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73. Lisa's recital
is Saturday night.
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74. I'll be playing
my first solo.
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75. If you miss it on Saturday
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76. I advise you to start looking
for a child therapist on Sunday.
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77. But Truckasaurus
is one night only!
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78. Oh, cruel fate,
why do you mock me?
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79. Now come on,
you two.
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80. What time does your little
truck game start?
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81. 8:00, but what does it matter?
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82. Well, Lisa's recital
starts at 5:00.
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83. We can go to both.
( gasps )
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84. Marge, you're a genius.
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85. People, let's have
good assembly manners, please.
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86. People. People!
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87. Quiet down now, please.
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88. Don't make me flick
the lights on and off.
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89. Thank you.
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90. Ladies, gentlemen,
parents and music lovers.
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91. Welcome to the first
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92. in a series
of Saturday evening concerts.
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93. Series?
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94. Ohhh!
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95. Tonight, Sherbert's...
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96. Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.
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97. Oh good. Unfinished. This
shouldn't take long.
( groans )
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98. ( tapping )
Remember, children.
Stay together.
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99. Five, six, seven
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100. eight...
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101. That was beautiful.
( solo continues )
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102. Can we go now?
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103. Sit down, Homer.
Grrr!
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104. How much longer was Sherbert
planning on making
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105. this piece of junk?
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106. Oh, my, Lisa was wonderful.
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107. She certainly has come a long
way with her fingering.
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108. Thanks, Flanders.
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109. Big know-it-all.
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110. When's
Todd's solo, Dad?
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111. Shh.
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112. It's coming up, son.
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113. It's coming up.
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114. My son, my son.
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115. Come on, Flanders.
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116. He's not that bad.
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117. I reached him.
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118. Homer, drive defensively.
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119. Sometime's the best defense
is a good offense.
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120. Faster, Dad.
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121. Truckasaurus awaits.
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122. Damn, no spots.
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123. Oh, I think there's
one over there.
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124. Dad?
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125. Not now, Lisa.
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126. Come on.
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127. Homer?
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128. What?
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129. It's Truckasaurus!
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130. Where? Where?
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131. Pull, you dogs.
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132. Let's see here.
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133. Cracked windshield,
melted bumpers
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134. punctured radiator,
teeth marks on the trunk...
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135. On the plus side
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136. there doesn't seem to be
any frame damage.
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137. This check should
take care of everything.
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138. Thank you so much.
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139. Mrs. Simpson? I'm Leo G. Clark,
inventor, owner and operator
of Truckasaurus.
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140. Let me just say that,
Truckasaurus feels very badly
about what happened
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141. and everyone here at Team
Truckasaurus would like you to
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142. enjoy this half bottle of
domestic champagne for being
such good sports.
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143. Mmm. Well thank you. Gee,
everyone's so nice here at the
Monster Truck Rally.
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144. Look Homer, champagne!
Eeeeegh!
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145. And now, Majestic Undercoating
is proud to present:
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146. Ms. Monster!
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147. Wow, a woman mud-pull driver.
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148. Another barrier broken.
Ride on, sister!
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149. Let the destruction begin!
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150. Hey, they forgot
my corn dog.
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151. Give me some nachos,
Homersaurus.
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152. Here you go, Bartasaurus.
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153. For our last event
of the evening,
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154. we have a special
surprise guest—
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155. the world's greatest daredevil.
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156. The man who's
no stranger to danger.
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157. If he's not in action,
he's in traction.
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158. Captain Lance Murdock.
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159. Ladies and gentlemen
and especially little children
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160. I'm glad you're all here
to witness
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161. what may very well be
my grisly death.
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162. Tonight, my most
dangerous stunt.
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163. I will death defy
both nature and gravity
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164. by leaping over
this tank of water
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165. filled with man-eating
great white sharks
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166. deadly electric eels
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167. ravenous piranhas,
bone-crushing alligators
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168. and perhaps the most
frightening of all
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169. the king of the jungle,
one ferocious lion.
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170. Ohh!
Ohh!
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171. Oh, and...
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172. I almost forgot.
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173. To add a real element of danger,
one drop of human blood.
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174. And on chance I don't survive,
let me just say:
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175. seat belts save lives,
so buckle up.
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176. This is so cool.
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177. I can't watch.
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178. He made it!
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179. Bitchen.
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180. He's okay, folks.
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181. What a fun-filled
evening.
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182. Ladies and gentlemen
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183. the ten-year-old
who's brave and bold.
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184. When he's not in class,
he's risking his ass.
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185. The world's greatest daredevil,
Bart Simpson.
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186. Bart! Bart! Bart!
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187. Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart!
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188. Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart!
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189. Bart, Bart.
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190. We're home, son.
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191. Dad, I want to be a daredevil.
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192. Kids say
such stupid things.
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193. You're crazy,
Bart.
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194. You're never gonna make it.
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195. Spare me your lectures, ladies.
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196. Oh, no, he's hurt.
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197. Bad.
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198. Let's get
out of here.
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199. Oh, my little boy.
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200. Come on Marge,
we're mad at him.
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201. Are you all right?
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202. Better than all right.
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203. I got stitches.
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204. Eww.
Eww.
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205. Probably
a scar too.
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206. Mrs. Simpson, Bart tells me
he injured himself
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207. training for a career
in death defiance?
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208. Yes, well we saw
a daredevil last night
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209. and you know,
monkey see, monkey do.
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210. I think I know something
that might discourage him
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211. from this sort of behavior.
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212. Bart, in this ward
are the children
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213. who have been hurt
by imitating stunts
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214. they saw on television
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215. movies and legitimate stage.
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216. This little boy broke his leg
trying to fly like Superman.
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217. This boy's brother
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218. hit him in the head
with a wrench
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219. mimicking a recent
TV wrestling match.
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220. I won't even subject you
to the horrors of our
Three Stooges ward.
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221. Gee, I never realized TV
was such a dangerous
influence.
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222. As tragic as all this is
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223. it's a small price to pay
for countless hours
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224. of top-notch entertainment.
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225. Amen, huh, Bart?
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226. Has Dr. Hibbert
made his point?
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227. He certainly has, Dad.
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228. I learned a real
lesson here today.
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229. Thank you, Dr. Hibbert.
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230. Umph!
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231. I did it.
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232. Wow!
All right!
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233. ( cheering )
Cool!
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234. Way happening, Bart.
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235. Awesome!
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236. Man, you're the king.
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237. That was so cool.
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238. Thank you. How about a hand for
these brave little animals.
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239. Huh? Huh? Oh...
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240. Hi, kids.
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241. Thanks.
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242. Okay, field trippers,
off the bus.
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243. What's the matter, Bart?
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244. Aw, I'm runnin' on empty,
Milhouse. You kids get a kick
out of my jumps
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245. and I love you for it,
but it's all too easy.
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246. There has got to be
a challenge out there
worthy of me.
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247. Hello, children
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248. and welcome
to Springfield Gorge.
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249. Wow!
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250. Man, this thing's
pretty gnarly.
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251. I bet you could throw
a dead body in there
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252. and no one would ever find it.
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253. Otto, I'm going
to leap over
Springfield Gorge
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254. on my
skateboard.
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255. Bart, as the only adult here,
I feel I should say something.
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256. What?
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257. Cool!
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258. Hey, Otto, can I use
that microphone?
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259. Sorry, Bart dude,
it's for emergencies only.
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260. But I want to tell them
about my jump.
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261. Oh. Okay.
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262. ( loud distorted voice )
May I have your attention,
please?
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263. This Saturday, I'll be
jumping over Springfield Gorge
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264. on my skateboard.
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265. There is a good possibility
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266. I will plunge to my
bloody death.
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267. Hope to see you there.
Thank you.
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268. Springfield Gorge?
Bart, you'll be killed.
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269. Lisa, I don't know how to
explain this, but I get
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270. the same thrill out of
jumping over stuff
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271. that you do from... reading.
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272. Please, before you do anything
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273. there's someone
I'd like you to talk to.
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274. Thank you for arranging this,
Dr. Hibbert.
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275. Oh, anything I can do
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276. to stem the tide
of entertainment-related injury.
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277. Now children,
you're about to meet
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278. the world's greatest daredevil,
Lance Murdock.
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279. Lance, this is Lisa
and Bart Simpson.
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280. Bart is one
of your biggest fans.
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281. It's an honor, Lance.
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282. How you feeling?
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283. Uh... I... ow.
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284. Doc, I heard a snap.
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285. Mmm. I'm afraid
the bone's broken.
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286. Well, that's all of them.
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287. Don't worry, partner.
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288. I've broken that thumb
dozens of times.
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289. Hey! I bet you'd like an
autograph. Nurse?
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290. Who should I make this out to?
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291. Just Bart
will be fine, sir.
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292. "To Bart. Thanks
for visiting me
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293. at Springfield
General Hospital.
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294. Your visit was
a ray of sunshine
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295. "on an otherwise cloudy day.
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296. Your pal,
Captain Lance Murdock."
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297. Wow, man.
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298. - Thanks, Lance.
- You're welcome.
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299. Take this thing
out of my mouth now.
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300. Mr. Murdoch, my brother
is thinking about
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301. jumping Springfield Gorge
on a skateboard.
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302. Could you leave me
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303. with the young'uns,
please?
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304. Let me start by saying
good for you, son.
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305. It's always good
to see young people
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306. taking an interest
in danger.
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307. A lot of people are gonna be
tellin' you you're crazy,
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308. and maybe they're right,
but the fact of the matter is
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309. bones heal,
chicks dig scars
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310. and the United States of America
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311. has the best doctor-to-daredevil
ratio in the world.
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312. But Captain Murdock...
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313. Thanks, Lance.
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314. You're welcome,
little partner.
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315. On your way out, tell the nurse
I'm ready for my sponge bath...
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316. another fringe benefit.
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317. Nurse?
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318. Springfield Gorge?
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319. I thought we settled
this daredevil junk.
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320. Squealer.
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321. I'm sorry Bart, but if
you got hurt or died
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322. despite the extra attention
I'd receive, I'd miss you.
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323. Bart, I forbid you to jump
over that gorge.
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324. You can't.
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325. I can and do.
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326. Go to your room, Bart.
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327. There, I've done it.
I'm glad somebody
finally stepped in
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328. and put an end
to this nonsense
once and for all.
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329. Hey man, you can tell me
not to do it,
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330. but there's no way you can
watch me 24 hours a day.
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331. And... the minute your
back is turned
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332. I'm grabbing my skateboard
and heading for that gorge.
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333. He's got us, Marge.
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334. There's nothing we can do.
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335. He's as good as dead.
( weeps )
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336. You're his father.
You've got to try
and reason with him.
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337. No, that never works.
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338. He's a goner.
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339. Come on, Homer.
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340. A heart-to-heart talk
with your son.
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341. You've got to try.
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342. Okay, okay. I'll try.
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343. Bart? Bart?
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344. Bart! What are you doing?
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345. Nothing.
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346. You were on your way
to jump the gorge,
weren't you?
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347. Maybe.
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348. Look, I know I can't stop you.
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349. The only thing I can do
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350. is ask you to promise me
you won't jump the gorge.
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351. Okay. I promise.
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352. D-ohhh!
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353. What's the matter?
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354. You didn't mean that.
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355. Bart, this isn't
one of those phony
baloney promises
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356. I don't expect you
to keep.
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357. If you make this promise,
you have to keep it.
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358. Why?
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359. Because if you don't
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360. I'll never believe
anything you say
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361. ever again.
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362. Oh, come on.
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363. I mean it, boy.
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364. Well, okay, Dad. I promise.
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365. I will not jump
Springfield Gorge.
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366. That's my boy.
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367. How did it go,
Homer?
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368. You know, Marge,
we got a pretty good kid there.
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369. Well, he's got
a pretty good father.
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370. Where is he?
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371. I thought he said noon.
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372. He's just doing this
to build suspense.
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373. What a showman.
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374. Look! There he is.
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375. Hey, boy,
want to toss the old..?
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376. D-ohhh!
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377. Why, that little liar!
I shoulda—
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378. I was going
to play pickle with him.
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379. Bart!
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380. Boo!
Boo!
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381. Hey, what gives?
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382. Boy, I tried ordering you.
I tried punishing you
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383. and God help me,
I even tried reasoning with you
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384. and the only thing left
for me to do
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385. is jump the gorge myself.
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386. What? Why?
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387. Because that way,
you'll see what it's like
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388. to witness
a family member
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389. stupidly risking his life
for no good reason.
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390. But Dad, you'll never make it.
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391. Don't you think
I know that?
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392. Good-bye, son.
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393. Wait, Dad!
Don't do it!
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394. I won't jump anymore,
I promise.
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395. Oh, thank God,
thank God, thank God.
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396. I love you, Dad.
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397. I love you, too, son.
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398. You know, boy,
I don't think
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399. I've ever felt
as close to you
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400. as I do right...
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401. Huh? What?
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402. Ooh!
Ooh!
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403. I'm going to make it!
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404. I'm going to make it!
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405. This is the greatest thrill
of my life.
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406. I'm king of the world.
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407. Woo hoo! Woo hoo!
I—
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408. Ow! Ooh! Oh!
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409. Ow!
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410. Ow!
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411. Ooh!
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412. Ow!
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413. Ow! Ow! Ahh!
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414. You think you got guts.
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415. Try raising my kids.
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416. Shh!
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