1. D-oh!
Copy !req
2. Dad, the next time
we see you
Copy !req
3. we'll do something
more fun.
Copy !req
4. Oh, what could be more fun
Copy !req
5. than today's trip
to the liquor store?
Copy !req
6. Thanks for the beef jerky.
Copy !req
7. Say good-bye to Grampa,
everyone.
Copy !req
8. Bye.
Copy !req
9. You know, Grampa kinda
smells like that trunk
in the garage
Copy !req
10. where the bottom's all wet.
Copy !req
11. Nah, he smells more like
a photo lab.
Copy !req
12. Stop it!
Both of you.
Copy !req
13. Grampa smells like
a regular old man
Copy !req
14. which is more like
a hallway in a hospital.
Copy !req
15. Homer, that's terrible.
We should be teaching
the children
Copy !req
16. to treasure the elderly.
Copy !req
17. You know, we'll be old someday.
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18. My god you're right, Marge!
You kids won't put me in a home
like I did to my Dad
Copy !req
19. would you?
Copy !req
20. Well...
Copy !req
21. Marge, what do we do?
Copy !req
22. Well, I think we better
set an example.
Copy !req
23. Absolutely.
Copy !req
24. Our third Sunday of every month
should be a pleasure
Copy !req
25. not a chore.
Copy !req
26. Where's someplace fun
we can take Grampa
next time?
Copy !req
27. To the pony ride.
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28. No. He can't sit
on ponies.
Copy !req
29. Well, I always enjoy
the glass blower
Copy !req
30. at old
Springfield town.
Aw,
he saw that.
Copy !req
31. Big yawner.
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32. The Museum of Barnyard Oddities.
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33. No, Bart, no.
Copy !req
34. Bart, gross.
Copy !req
35. I got it.
Copy !req
36. The Springfield Mystery Spot.
Copy !req
37. Dad, it's just
a dumb mud puddle.
Copy !req
38. Discount Lion Safari!
Copy !req
39. Hey!
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40. These aren't my pills.
Copy !req
41. Now, now, Mr. Simmons.
Copy !req
42. Don't make me call
Nurse Bronski.
Copy !req
43. That's Simpson, damn it,
and these aren't my pills!
Copy !req
44. Excuse me, nurse.
Copy !req
45. My name is Simmons
Copy !req
46. and I think I have
the wrong pills.
Copy !req
47. I get two red ones
for my back spasms
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48. a yellow one
for my arrhythmia
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49. and two of the bluest eyes
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50. I've ever seen
in my life.
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51. Then these must be...
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52. I have your...
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53. They must have...
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54. Look at us.
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55. We're staring at each other
Copy !req
56. like a couple
of stupid, punk teenagers.
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57. I wasn't staring.
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58. It's... my lazy eye.
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59. I'm Beatrice Simmons,
but my friends call me Bea.
Copy !req
60. Well,
I'm Abraham J. Simpson.
Copy !req
61. Care to tip the wrist
with me?
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62. Oh, I would be delighted.
Copy !req
63. So, um...
Copy !req
64. tell me about yourself.
Copy !req
65. Widower, one son,
one working kidney.
Copy !req
66. And you?
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67. Widowed, bad hip
and liver disorder.
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68. You left
something out.
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69. Ravishing.
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70. Mmm!
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71. Ohh!
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72. Ummm!
Copy !req
73. Mmm!
Copy !req
74. And what are you
doing tonight?
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75. Sitting alone in my room.
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76. Oh, well, you've
got plans already.
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77. No. What were you
going to say?
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78. Oh, nothing.
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79. Oh, Abe.
Copy !req
80. You were going to say
something.
Copy !req
81. I was wondering
if you and I...
Copy !req
82. you know, might go
to the same place
at the same time.
Copy !req
83. Geez, you think this
would get easier with time!
Copy !req
84. I'd love to.
Copy !req
85. Okay.
Copy !req
86. Now where's that Pomade?
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87. "... Never fly solo again."
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88. Ah, damn, out of Pomade.
Copy !req
89. Oh, well.
Copy !req
90. Ooh, hello, young lady.
Copy !req
91. Is your grandmother home?
Copy !req
92. Oh, Abe, I can tell I better
keep my good eye on you.
Copy !req
93. Damn straight.
Copy !req
94. Herman, a very special lady is
having her birthday tomorrow.
Copy !req
95. The battleship New Jersey.
Copy !req
96. No, you idiot!
Copy !req
97. My girlfriend Bea.
Copy !req
98. Since this is
the only store I know...
Copy !req
99. Grampa, nothing says
"I love you" better
Copy !req
100. than a military antique.
Copy !req
101. Let's take a look
at the bayonet case.
Copy !req
102. Hey, what's that?
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103. That, my friend,
was Napoleon's hat.
Copy !req
104. It doesn't look like
Napoleon's hat.
Copy !req
105. It's not the famous hat.
It's the one he wore
for a week in April, 1796
Copy !req
106. just before he defeated
the Sardinians.
Copy !req
107. Ooh, how much?
Copy !req
108. $400.
Copy !req
109. I'll give you
five bucks.
Copy !req
110. That's not the kind of offer
you should make to a man
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111. with a Gatling gun under the
counter.
Copy !req
112. Why don't you try
Grandma's World?
Copy !req
113. Yo, active wear.
Copy !req
114. I need a price check
on a wool shawl.
Copy !req
115. Dad, it's the third Sunday
of the month. You know
what that means...
Copy !req
116. Go away!
Copy !req
117. Oh, come on, Dad.
Copy !req
118. I promise we'll have
more fun this time.
We're gonna see lions!
Copy !req
119. I can't go.
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120. It's my girlfriend Bea's
birthday.
Copy !req
121. Oh, you have a girlfriend.
Copy !req
122. Heh-heh.
Well, happy birthday, Bea.
Copy !req
123. She can come with us.
Copy !req
124. Hey, there's room for all
your friends in the car.
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125. Oh! She's not invisible,
you idiot!
Copy !req
126. See, it's her
birthday tonight.
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127. Yeah, right.
Copy !req
128. Hey! You kids,
stop kicking the seat.
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129. I'm kicking the seat.
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130. Dad, don't you want to know
where we're going?
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131. No.
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132. Discount Lion Safari!
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133. Damn these child-proof doors.
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134. Hello.
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135. That will be 18.50,
partner.
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136. "Do not feed animals."
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137. "Do not allow animals
in the car."
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138. "Do not make eye contact
with animals."
Copy !req
139. ( sarcastically )
Are we in Africa yet?
Copy !req
140. Did anybody notice
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141. this place sucks?
Copy !req
142. It seems that most
of the animals are sleeping.
Copy !req
143. Let them sleep
on their own time.
Copy !req
144. Homer, are you sure
this is the right way?
Copy !req
145. The road seems to have
gotten awfully bumpy.
Copy !req
146. What a wingding.
Copy !req
147. This is much better
Copy !req
148. than my girlfriend's
birthday party.
Copy !req
149. - Homer
- Bart, get out and push.
Copy !req
150. Yeah, Bart.
Get out and push.
Copy !req
151. No way, Jose.
Copy !req
152. Okay, we've seen the lions.
Copy !req
153. Can we go now?
Copy !req
154. Oh, Bea!
Copy !req
155. Mr. Simpson, I presume.
Copy !req
156. Out of my way.
Copy !req
157. I got a date with an angel.
Copy !req
158. You don't know
how right you are, Abe.
Copy !req
159. What?
Copy !req
160. I'm sorry to be the one
to tell you this
Copy !req
161. but Bea passed away
last night.
Copy !req
162. Oh, no.
Copy !req
163. It was her ticker.
Copy !req
164. The doc said
her left ventricle burst.
Copy !req
165. Oh, no, Jasper.
Copy !req
166. They may say she died
of a burst ventricle
Copy !req
167. but I know she died
of a broken heart.
Copy !req
168. I can tell she
really cared for me.
Copy !req
169. She didn't make me
a pallbearer.
Copy !req
170. I can't tell you
how sorry I am, Dad.
Copy !req
171. Is someone talking
to me?
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172. I didn't hear anything.
Copy !req
173. Oh, no,
Dad's lost his hearing!
Copy !req
174. No, you idiot,
I'm ignoring you!
Copy !req
175. You made me miss
the last precious moments
Copy !req
176. of Bea's life.
Copy !req
177. I'll never speak
to you again!
Copy !req
178. I have no son!
Copy !req
179. Oh, Bea.
Copy !req
180. It was a beautiful service,
wasn't it, Mr. Simpson?
Copy !req
181. Who the hell
Copy !req
182. are you?
Copy !req
183. Lionel Hutts,
Attorney at Law.
Copy !req
184. I'm the executor
of Beatrice Simmons' estate.
Copy !req
185. Mr. Simpson,
Bea was a wealthy woman
Copy !req
186. and, surprise, surprise,
she left everything to you.
Copy !req
187. Really?
Copy !req
188. There is one catch.
Copy !req
189. You must spend one night
in.. a haunted house.
Copy !req
190. Just kidding.
Copy !req
191. Here's a check
for $106,000
Copy !req
192. "To enjoy
as you see fit."
Copy !req
193. Oh, I'm touched.
Copy !req
194. $106,000?
Copy !req
195. Ta-ta,
Mr. Simpson.
Copy !req
196. By the way, old-timer,
I do wills.
Copy !req
197. Why don't I just give you
this pen with my phone number
on it.
Copy !req
198. It looks just like a cigar.
Copy !req
199. Isn't that something?
Copy !req
200. Hello.
Copy !req
201. Hello, Homer?
Copy !req
202. Whoo hoo!
It's Dad on the phone,
he's calling me!
Copy !req
203. Oh, Dad,
I knew you'd forgive me.
Copy !req
204. I haven't forgiven you.
Copy !req
205. I just inherited $106,000,
and I just had to tell you
Copy !req
206. that you're not getting
one thin dime!
Copy !req
207. D-ohhh!
Copy !req
208. Mr. Simpson?
Copy !req
209. What is it?
Copy !req
210. I couldn't help overhearing
about your new-found fortune
Copy !req
211. and let me assure you
Copy !req
212. that here at the Springfield
Retirement Castle
Copy !req
213. money does make
a difference.
Copy !req
214. I mean,
there are rubdowns
Copy !req
215. and then there are
rubdowns.
Copy !req
216. Listen, you bloodsucker,
has it ever occurred to you
Copy !req
217. that old folks deserve
to be treated like human beings
Copy !req
218. whether they have
money or not?
Copy !req
219. Yes, but it passes.
Copy !req
220. You lousy son of a..!
Copy !req
221. I'll take it.
Copy !req
222. Hey, big spender,
why the change of heart?
Copy !req
223. Bea told me
to enjoy my moolah
Copy !req
224. and I'm going to, dagnabit!
Copy !req
225. Huh!
Copy !req
226. Yeah.
Copy !req
227. Yeah.
Copy !req
228. So, where to, pappy?
Copy !req
229. Take me someplace fun.
Copy !req
230. You're the boss.
Copy !req
231. Next stop...
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232. Funsville.
Copy !req
233. Ayah.
Copy !req
234. Ayah.
Copy !req
235. Ayah.
Copy !req
236. I miss Bea.
Copy !req
237. I miss you too.
Copy !req
238. Oh, Abraham,
calm down.
Copy !req
239. I'm not here
to scare you.
Copy !req
240. They've got me haunting
a family in Texas.
Copy !req
241. Oh, I'm glad
you're keeping busy.
Copy !req
242. Now listen Abe.
I want to know why my money
isn't bringing you happiness?
Copy !req
243. Oh, Bea, I'm not cut out
for the high life.
Copy !req
244. Abraham, if you're not happy
with the money
Copy !req
245. why don't you
spread it around?
Copy !req
246. Make other people
as happy as you made me.
Copy !req
247. Oh, thanks, Bea, I will.
Copy !req
248. And go see your son.
Copy !req
249. He misses you.
Copy !req
250. Oh, I miss him, too,
the big, fat Dickens.
Copy !req
251. Hey, Bea, I've got to ask you.
Copy !req
252. What was death like?
Copy !req
253. Not as scary
Copy !req
254. as this!
Copy !req
255. I miss my Daddy.
Copy !req
256. This thing
with your Dad
Copy !req
257. has had you moping
around the house for days.
Copy !req
258. I think it's time for you
to talk to someone
who understands.
Copy !req
259. Hiya. You've reached
Copy !req
260. Doctor Marvin Monroe's
anxiety line.
Copy !req
261. If you have a sullen teenager,
press one now.
Copy !req
262. If you're estranged from
your spouse, press two, now.
Copy !req
263. If you have trouble
maintaining...
Copy !req
264. Grampa!
Copy !req
265. Huh?
Copy !req
266. Dad!
Copy !req
267. Sonny boy!
Copy !req
268. Is there room at your table
for a foolish old man?
Copy !req
269. Well, sure.
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270. We'll have to move a chair
in from the den, but it's no
problem.
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271. Bart!
Copy !req
272. Choose
your corn cob.
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273. En garde.
Copy !req
274. Challenge accepted.
Copy !req
275. All my precious stacks
of gold...
Copy !req
276. Couldn't buy the pleasures
of a simple family meal.
Copy !req
277. Pass the bug juice, Dad.
Copy !req
278. Wait your turn, you pig.
Copy !req
279. I have an announcement to make.
Copy !req
280. I've decided to give
Bea's money away.
Copy !req
281. There are people who
really need it.
Copy !req
282. I'm gonna let them
come to me
Copy !req
283. and plead their case,
and then I'll decide
Copy !req
284. who needs it most.
Copy !req
285. Grampa, that's the
noblest thought that's
Copy !req
286. ever been expressed
at this table.
Copy !req
287. Give it to us, Grampa.
Copy !req
288. Bart!
Copy !req
289. Forgive him, Dad.
Copy !req
290. He's just
a stupid little kid,
Copy !req
291. who says the first thing
that pops into his head
Copy !req
292. but you know, there's wisdom
in his innocence.
Copy !req
293. You don't want it.
Copy !req
294. Yes I do.
Copy !req
295. Too bad,
you ain't gettin' it.
Copy !req
296. Not since this reporter's
marriage
Copy !req
297. to Stephanie the Weather lady
Copy !req
298. has this town been so consumed
with rumor and innuendo.
Copy !req
299. All because of this man.
Copy !req
300. Today, one
Abraham "Grampa" Simpson
Copy !req
301. announced that he will give away
over $100,000
Copy !req
302. to the person or persons
he finds most deserving.
Copy !req
303. Is Grampa Simpson a modern day
saint, a rich nut or both?
Copy !req
304. Only time will tell.
Copy !req
305. This is Kent Brockman,
on-line for an old man's money.
Copy !req
306. Ah, you see, Gramp
Copy !req
307. I want to customize the bus.
Copy !req
308. You know, chop the top
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309. jack it up,
put mag wheels on it
Copy !req
310. psychedelic paint job
from hell, man.
Copy !req
311. Jam the kids to school
at 150 miles an hour.
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312. Here's an artist's rendering.
Copy !req
313. Note the cobra wrapped
around the naked chick.
Copy !req
314. - Next.
- Duh.
Copy !req
315. Grampa...
Copy !req
316. I can call you "Grampa,"
can't I?
Copy !req
317. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Copy !req
318. Alright. I need
that money, please.
Copy !req
319. Wait a minute. Wait.
Copy !req
320. You're that guy who owns
the nuclear power plant.
Copy !req
321. The ownership is divided.
Copy !req
322. What the hell do you
think you are doing?
Copy !req
323. Mr. Simpson, I dread the day
Copy !req
324. when $100,000
isn't worth groveling for.
Copy !req
325. Get out of here!
Copy !req
326. You just made yourself
a very powerful enemy, old man.
Copy !req
327. Here's the deal, Grampa.
Copy !req
328. A guy I think was an explorer
left this in the bar one night.
Copy !req
329. It may be a map
to ancient treasure
Copy !req
330. or directions
to some guy's house
Copy !req
331. but to find out,
we'll need money, provisions
Copy !req
332. and a two-man diving bell.
Copy !req
333. It's pretty stupid
Copy !req
334. but so far,
you're the front-runner.
Copy !req
335. It's a special
isolation chamber.
Copy !req
336. The subject pulls levers
to receive food and warmth.
Copy !req
337. The floor can become
electrified
Copy !req
338. and showers of icy water
randomly fall on the subject.
Copy !req
339. I call it the "Monroe Box."
Copy !req
340. Well, it sounds
interesting.
Uh-huh.
Copy !req
341. How much will
it cost to build?
Copy !req
342. That's the beauty part.
Copy !req
343. It's already built.
Copy !req
344. I need the money
to buy a baby
Copy !req
345. to raise in the box
until the age of 30.
Copy !req
346. What are you trying to prove?
Copy !req
347. My theory is that the subject
will be socially maladjusted
Copy !req
348. and will harbor
a deep resentment towards me.
Copy !req
349. Hmm, interesting.
Copy !req
350. Let's see.
I want a tear gas pen
Copy !req
351. a blow gun
with paralyzer darts...
Copy !req
352. Oh, no.
Copy !req
353. Nunchakus.
Copy !req
354. Nunchakus?
Yeah.
Copy !req
355. What the hell are those?
Copy !req
356. A copy of
Radioactive Man, #27—
Copy !req
357. that's the first time
he fights Dr. Crab—
Copy !req
358. and I wanna buy that
baseball card
Copy !req
359. where the guy's
flipping the bird.
Copy !req
360. Oh yeah,
I've seen that one.
Copy !req
361. Oh, and a monkey.
Copy !req
362. What the hell is that?
Copy !req
363. Why, it's a death ray,
my good man.
Copy !req
364. Behold.
Copy !req
365. Hey, feels warm.
Copy !req
366. Kind of nice.
Copy !req
367. Well, it is just the prototype.
Copy !req
368. With proper funding,
I'm confident this
little baby
Copy !req
369. could destroy an area
the size of New York City.
Copy !req
370. But I want to help people,
not kill them.
Copy !req
371. Well, to be honest
Copy !req
372. the ray only has
evil applications.
Copy !req
373. You know, my wife
will be happy.
Copy !req
374. She's hated this whole
death ray thing from day one.
Copy !req
375. Oh, Lisa, what makes you think
you deserve all that money?
Copy !req
376. I don't deserve it, Grampa.
Copy !req
377. No one here does.
Copy !req
378. The people who deserve it
are on the streets
Copy !req
379. and they're in the slums.
Copy !req
380. They're little children
who need more library books
Copy !req
381. and families
who can't make ends meet.
Copy !req
382. Of course, if you really
wanted to, you could
buy me a pony.
Copy !req
383. You're right.
Copy !req
384. I'll name her Princess
Copy !req
385. and I'll ride her every day.
Copy !req
386. No, you're right
about all the poor souls
Copy !req
387. who need a helping hand.
Copy !req
388. I need to take a walk
to clear my head.
Copy !req
389. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
390. Ah, I'm exhausted.
Copy !req
391. Oh, poor baby.
Copy !req
392. Been lifting
your wallet?
Copy !req
393. No— I'll have you know
Copy !req
394. I've decided to give my money
away to truly needy causes.
Copy !req
395. Hmm.
Copy !req
396. But $100,000 just isn't enough.
Copy !req
397. I need more.
Copy !req
398. Why don't you go on
the seniors' gambling junket?
Copy !req
399. I bet you could
double your money
or even triple it.
Copy !req
400. Well, it's tempting.
Copy !req
401. Plus, they got a 99¢
shrimp cocktail.
Copy !req
402. You sold me.
Copy !req
403. Slow down.
Copy !req
404. Are you trying
to get us killed?
Copy !req
405. It's too hot, ya' maniac.
Copy !req
406. Turn on the air.
Copy !req
407. Hey, mellow out, old dudes
Copy !req
408. or I'll jam this baby
into a river
Copy !req
409. all right?
Copy !req
410. Miss, I'm looking
for Abe Simpson.
Copy !req
411. It's important I
get a hold of him.
Copy !req
412. I have to tell him
I don't care about his money
Copy !req
413. and I love him.
Copy !req
414. We get that a lot.
Copy !req
415. He left with
the senior casino junket.
Copy !req
416. Casino?
Copy !req
417. Ah!
Copy !req
418. Come on, everybody!
Copy !req
419. Hello, I am Plato.
Copy !req
420. Please partake of keno, craps
and the loosest slots in town.
Copy !req
421. My philosophy is "enjoy."
Copy !req
422. Change, please.
Copy !req
423. A double cheeseburger, onion
rings, large strawberry shake
Copy !req
424. and, for God sakes, hurry.
Copy !req
425. $5,000 on...
Copy !req
426. What century is this?
Copy !req
427. The 20th.
Copy !req
428. Great.
Put it on #20.
Copy !req
429. Excuse me.
Copy !req
430. Have you seen an old man
with a lot of money?
Copy !req
431. He looks like me,
but he's wrinkled.
Copy !req
432. Hello. Have you seen
a... Dad!
Copy !req
433. No-o-o-o-o-o!
Copy !req
434. 20 black.
( Abe laughing )
Copy !req
435. Holy moley.
Copy !req
436. You're winning.
Copy !req
437. Beat it, boy.
Copy !req
438. You're cramping my style.
Copy !req
439. Dad, please, you gotta
quit while you're ahead.
Copy !req
440. You got to take your money
and leave, now.
Copy !req
441. Sorry, boy.
Copy !req
442. I have to get enough
to help everybody.
Copy !req
443. But you could lose everything.
Come on!
Copy !req
444. Homer
Copy !req
445. I think Rudyard Kipling
said it best.
Copy !req
446. "If you can make one heap
of all your winnings
Copy !req
447. "and risk it on one turn
of pitch and toss, and lose
Copy !req
448. "and start again
at your beginnings
Copy !req
449. "and never breathe a word
about your loss
Copy !req
450. "yours is the Earth
and everything that's in it.
Copy !req
451. And, which is more,
you'll be a man, my son."
Copy !req
452. You'll be a bonehead.
Come on.
Copy !req
453. Put it all on 41.
Copy !req
454. I've got a feeling
about that number.
Copy !req
455. The wheel only goes to 36.
Copy !req
456. Okay, put it all on 36.
Copy !req
457. I've got a feeling
about that number.
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458. Dad! No!
Give me that money.
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459. Come on.
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460. Stop it.
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461. Ow! You're hurting me!
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462. Thirty-six!
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463. No more bets.
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464. Son, if this lands on 36,
I'll...
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465. Double zero.
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466. Son, you saved me
from losing all my money.
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467. For the first time in my life,
I'm glad I had children.
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468. So, uh, have you figured out
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469. who gets the money?
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470. Yes, Homer, I have.
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471. Come on in.
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472. Dignity's on me, friends.
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473. Shh!
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