The Simpsons 2x11

Directed by Wesley M. Archer • Wes Archer

Sab Shimono as Master Sushi Chef (voice) • Larry King as Larry King (voice) • George Takei as Akira Kurosawa (voice) • Diana Tanaka as Hostess (voice) • Joey Miyashima as Toshiro (voice)

After eating poisonous blowfish at a sushi restaurant, Homer decides to live life to the fullest in the 24 hours he has left to live.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Is it done yet? Is it done yet?

2. Your meat loaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.

3. D-ohhh!

4. Isn't there anything faster than a microwave?

5. Four, three, two, one, bing!

6. We have meat loaf.

7. Get it while it's unbelievably hot, kids!

8. Yum. I've got a dried-out end piece with your name on it, Lisa.

9. ( sighing: ) Thursday. Meat loaf night.

10. As it was is now and ever shall be.

11. What are you getting at?

12. Well, you're always trying

13. to teach me to be open-minded. Try new things, live life to—

14. What are you talking about? Nobody's trying to teach you that.

15. Ha! Ha! Ha-ha-ha!

16. - Shut up, boy. - Well, maybe Lisa's right.

17. Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.

18. Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night?

19. Marge, we haven't missed pork chop night

20. since the great pig scare in '87.

21. Friday night, pork chops.

22. From cradle to grave, etched in stone

23. in God's library somewhere...

24. Okay, okay. Where do you want to go?

25. Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza or fried chicken.

26. Fine. We'll go to Mars.

27. There's that new sushi restaurant on Elm Street.

28. Sushi? Hey maybe this is just one of those things

29. you hear on the playground, but isn't that raw fish?

30. As usual, the playground has the facts right

31. but missed the point entirely.

32. Sushi is considered quite a delicacy.

33. Please, Homer. Can't we try it? No!

34. Please Dad, this argument humiliates us both.

35. If I said no the first time, what makes you think I'm going to say yes the second time?

36. Nothing, but you may say yes the 99th time.

37. Oh? Try me.

38. Please, Dad. No.

39. Please, Dad. No.

40. Please, Dad. No.

41. Please, Dad.

42. Oh, okay, okay.

43. Ureshii mase! ( all scream )

44. Please, do not be alarmed.

45. Our chefs are just saying hello.

46. Oh, okay.

47. ( loudly: ) Hello!

48. This is our karaoke bar.

49. Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping

50. with drunken Japanese businessmen.

51. I am Akira, your waiter.

52. May I take your order?

53. What would you recommend

54. for a family that's not sure they should be here?

55. The sushi surprise— a little bit of everything.

56. It is very non-threatening.

57. I'll have one of those.

58. Make it two.

59. Akira, my good man. I'd like two sharks, an octopus and an eel.

60. Very good.

61. Do you have any giant squid? The kind that drags men

62. to their deaths?

63. Not today. Sir?

64. It's so hard to choose.

65. This all looks so terrible.

66. Bring me one of these and one of these

67. and one of those.

68. What do you think, master?

69. No, no, no.

70. Toshiro, that squid looks like

71. it's been hacked by a blind woodsman.

72. Hang your head in shame.

73. Good thing I'm open-minded.

74. Not bad.

75. Interesting.

76. Let's try this little pink one here.

77. Mmm, very good.

78. And another one.

79. Oh, boy, this fish

80. is delish.

81. ( nervously: ) Hi, my name is Richie Sakai.

82. I'm an anesthesiologist

83. and I'd like to dedicate this next song

84. to my wife, Patty.

85. Oh, ooh! And two of these things.

86. Two uni?

87. I don't believe I've tried the flying fish roll.

88. I recommend it with a quail egg on top.

89. You're the doctor.

90. There's got to be something I haven't tried.

91. Hey, what's this?

92. Fugu.

93. It is blowfish, sir

94. but I should warn you that...

95. Come on, pal.

96. Fugu me!

97. Oh, she's here.

98. Cover for me.

99. One fugu.

100. Not fugu.

101. If it is cut improperly...

102. Yes, yes, it is poisonous, potentially fatal

103. but, if sliced properly, it can be quite tasty.

104. I must get master.

105. Oh... oh... oh, Miss Krabappel.

106. Oh, your hair smells so... so clean.

107. Uh, master, you are needed in the kitchen.

108. I said cover for me, damn it!

109. But, master, we need your skilled hands.

110. My skilled hands are busy.

111. You do it!

112. Mmm... mmm...

113. Poison, poison. Tasty fish.

114. Concentrate.

115. Concentrate.

116. I want fugu!

117. Mmm. Fan-fugu-tastic.

118. Oh, no!

119. Beautiful language, isn't it, Marge?

120. For God's sake, don't eat another bite.

121. I couldn't possibly.

122. Mr. Simpsonsan, I shall be blunt.

123. We have reason to believe you have eaten.. poison.

124. Poison!

125. What should I do? Tell me quick.

126. No need to panic. There's a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.

127. Try something new, Homer.

128. What will it hurt you, Homer?

129. I never heard of a poison pork chop.

130. Your wife agreed that I should break this to you.

131. No need, doc.

132. I can read Marge like a book.

133. Whoo! It's good news, isn't it?

134. No, Mr. Simpson.

135. If in fact you've consumed the venom of the blowfish —

136. and from what the chef has told me, it's quite probable—

137. You have 24 hours to live.

138. 24 hours!

139. Well, 22. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.

140. Oh, Marge

141. I'm going to die.

142. I'm going to die.

143. If there's one consolation

144. it's that you'll feel no pain at all until some time tomorrow evening

145. when your heart suddenly explodes.

146. Now a little death anxiety is normal.

147. You can expect to go through five stages.

148. The first is denial.

149. No way, because I'm not dying.

150. Second is anger.

151. Why, you little..!

152. Then after that

153. comes fear.

154. What's after fear?

155. Bargaining.

156. Doc, you gotta get me out of this. I'll make it worth your while.

157. Finally, acceptance.

158. Well, we all got to go sometime.

159. Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

160. I should leave you two alone.

161. Perhaps this pamphlet will be helpful.

162. Hello, Marge, hello.

163. I'm the one who's dying, not you.

164. Oh, I'm sorry, Homer.

165. Have you thought about what you want

166. to tell the kids?

167. Nothing. It will just upset them.

168. I want my last hours of family life

169. to be happy ones.

170. Have you decided what you want

171. to do tomorrow?

172. Almost.

173. Oh, good... aw!

174. I'm not done yet, Marge.

175. What's that word you use for when you and I...

176. You know.

177. When we're intimate?

178. Be intimate with Marge.

179. Aw... Can I just make one suggestion?

180. Can we get up early and watch the sunrise together?

181. Ah..Watch the sunrise.

182. Till 6:00 a.m., my dearest darling

183. and my last day on Earth.

184. 11:30!

185. Oh, that's just great.

186. Marge, why did you let me sleep so late?

187. You looked so peaceful lying there.

188. There will be plenty of time for that!

189. I got tons of important stuff to do.

190. Bart, Bart!

191. "Have man-to-man with Bart."

192. Come here, boy.

193. Oh, man.

194. No!

195. I just want to have a heart-to-heart talk.

196. Oh.

197. You know, Bart, after me, you're the man around the house.

198. And that means you're going to have to help out—

199. Aw, come on, I do plenty around here.

200. Lisa never lifts a finger Why don't you go yell at her?

201. Shut up, Bart!

202. This is good stuff.

203. I want to share something with you.

204. The three little sentences that will get you through life.

205. Number one— Cover for me.

206. Number two— Oh, good idea, boss.

207. Number three—

208. It was like that when I got here.

209. Hey, this is good stuff.

210. Told 'ya. Now c'mon. You're going to learn how to shave.

211. And finally, the little spot under your nose.

212. Next, we take some toilet paper

213. tear off some teensy little squares

214. and stick one there... and there...

215. and anyplace you're bleeding.

216. There and there. Don't worry.

217. The blood will hold it right on your face.

218. Now... some aftershave.

219. Oooh! Ahh! Eee! Ahhh!

220. Hnnn!

221. Ooo, ahh!

222. Son of a... oh!

223. And that's how we shave.

224. D-ohhh!

225. Why, you little...

226. It was like that when I got here.

227. Oh, that's my boy.

228. "Listen to Lisa play her sax."

229. Hi, Dad.

230. Want me to cut out this infernal racket?

231. Oh, let me hear you play.

232. Why?

233. Does a father have to explain?

234. Let's just share your gift.

235. Okay?

236. Oh!

237. Huh?

238. Yeah, that's more like it.

239. Ho ho! Whoo!

240. "Make videotape for Maggie."

241. Simpson, what a pleasant surprise.

242. We were just pulling taffy.

243. Gee, the fun never stops at the Flanders house, does it?

244. No siree, Bob.

245. Hey, Flanders, could I borrow your camcorder?

246. Okie-dokle.

247. Hey, why don't you all come over for a barbecue tomorrow?

248. No, thanks.

249. Are you sure? We got that new propane beauty just sittin' in the back yard.

250. No, I don't...

251. It's crying out to cook up some good eatin'.

252. Flanders! I said I didn't...

253. Tomorrow?

254. Sure, what the hey.

255. I'd love to come to your barbecue.

256. I'll even bring the thickest, juiciest T-bones

257. you've ever seen.

258. Sounds terrif.

259. The joke's on him.

260. I'll be dead by then.

261. is that it?

262. This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie.

263. Hi, Maggie.

264. I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave.

265. Whooo-hoo!

266. Hope that didn't scare you.

267. Maggie, you're grown up now, and unless you taped over this

268. you're probably wondering

269. what kind of man your father was.

270. He was a simple man. A kind man.

271. A gentle man who loved his children and, d-ohh!

272. Hello!

273. Yeah, he's here.

274. Who is this?

275. Bart's friend, Milhouse.

276. Bart, get your butt down here!

277. Dad?

278. Huh?

279. Oh, it's you.

280. What do you want?

281. Dad, we've never been too close, have we?

282. Not to my knowledge.

283. Never went fishing or played catch

284. or even hugged each other.

285. We never danced the hootchy-koo either.

286. What's your point?

287. ( voice breaking ) I just want you to know that I love you, Dad.

288. You do?

289. ( sniffs ) Uh-huh.

290. Oh, son, I love you too.

291. Hey, how about a hug?

292. Dad.

293. Sonny-boy.

294. Papa!

295. - Junior! - My old man.

296. Well, I got to go.

297. Oh son, no. We got a lot of catching up to do.

298. Whaddaya say, we go fishing?

299. Gee Dad, if I wasn't on such a tight schedule...

300. well, I...

301. Oh, let's get some worms.

302. Oooh!

303. Oh!

304. Hey!

305. No time for that.

306. Aw, I really wanted to do that one.

307. I got you!

308. Aaargh!

309. Gee, Dad, way to hog my last moments.

310. Just a quick game of hacky-sack.

311. I love you, son.

312. Yeah, yeah...

313. Gee, the old guy's a little love-starved.

314. Get moving, you hunk of junk. I gotta make up for lost time.

315. ( siren wailing ) D-ohh!

316. I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast.

317. Just give me a ticket.

318. I beg your pardon.

319. Just give me a ticket!

320. Woah.. that sounded like an order.

321. I pay my taxes, and they pay your salary.

322. So when I say give me a ticket, just give me a ticket.

323. Uh- huh. Maybe we don't want to give you a ticket.

324. Maybe we wanna haul your butt in, wise guy.

325. Look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?

326. That's sort of nice.

327. What are you in for?

328. Atmosphere.

329. Okay, flash, you get one phone call.

330. Wait. I can't call Marge.

331. It's our last day on Earth together.

332. I can't drag her into this mess.

333. I know— I'll call Barney.

334. Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes!

335. Thanks a lot, Barney!

336. I just wasted my one phone call on your...

337. Wait!

338. I'm home, I'm home.

339. Oh. Hi, Homer.

340. You gotta help me Barney, I'm in jail.

341. You are?

342. Hey, Homer, go to the window.

343. Hi, neighbor.

344. I can see you!

345. Just get over here and bring 50 bucks for bail.

346. 50 bucks?

347. What did you do, kill a judge?

348. Where am I going to get 50 bucks?

349. Pizza!

350. Why are we all dressed up?

351. Because sometimes it's fun to dress up for dinner.

352. Why are we using the good china?

353. Sometimes it's fun to use the good china.

354. What's with the candles?

355. Sometimes it's fun to use candles.

356. Why are we waiting for Dad?

357. Because we love your father

358. and enjoy his company.

359. Why are we really waiting for Dad?

360. Ha! $48.70.

361. You know, we don't usually take rusty money.

362. You're dying, and you weren't even going to stop at Moe's

363. for a last beer with your buddies?

364. Hey Barney, look, it was on my list

365. along with a lot of other things I didn't get to do today.

366. Hey, my boss!

367. Smithers, check out the luscious pair on that redhead.

368. That's it, baby.

369. Work those ankles.

370. Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.

371. Hey, Burns!

372. Eat my shorts!

373. Who the Sam Hill was that?

374. Why it's.. Homer Simpson, sir.

375. one of the schmoes from Sector Seven-G.

376. Simpson, eh?

377. I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning.

378. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

379. Wow, of all the luck.

380. To think I almost died

381. without telling the boss to eat my shorts.

382. Oh, Homer, come on.

383. You got time for one last beer.

384. Please!

385. I got to call Marge.

386. Ha! ( makes whipping sound )

387. Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.

388. Is Seymour there?

389. Last name Butts.

390. Just a sec.

391. Hey, is there a butts here?

392. Seymour Butts?

393. Hey, everybody, I want a Seymour Butts!

394. Oh, wait a minute.

395. Listen, you little scum-sucking, pus bucket.

396. When I get my hands on you

397. I'm going to pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew.

398. Oh, it was busy.

399. Moe, another last beer, please.

400. Guys, keep it down.

401. I got some last words.

402. I never told you this before, but sometimes when I'm at work

403. I think of you and smile.

404. So often I think that...

405. Oh, words won't do it.

406. I love you, Moe.

407. Please, not in public.

408. You better be dying.

409. I love you, Barney.

410. Whoa! How European.

411. C'mon, Barney. I got to get home.

412. Faster, Barney, faster.

413. I'm twirling as fast as I can.

414. I can't wait any longer.

415. Hold on, Marge.

416. I'm coming home, baby!

417. Come on, come on.

418. Oh, where can he be?

419. Marge! Marge!

420. Homer!

421. There's no time to explain.

422. Love you, love you, love you.

423. I wrote a poem for you this afternoon, Homer.

424. It's called "To a Husband."

425. Okay, okay.

426. "The blackened clouds are forming..."

427. Give me a break, Marge.

428. "Soon the rain will fall.

429. "My dear one is departing

430. "But first, please heed this call

431. "That always will I love you

432. My one, my love, my all."

433. That was beautiful.

434. Good-bye, Maggie.

435. Stay as sweet as you are.

436. Good-bye, Lisa.

437. I know you'll make me proud.

438. Good-bye, Bart.

439. I like your sheets.

440. The good book.

441. On tape?

442. Ooh, it's read by Larry King.

443. Hi, I'm Larry King.

444. In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth

445. and the Earth was without form...

446. Alzeah begat Phineas, Phineas begat Abushua, and...

447. begat Ahamas...

448. Amariah begat Aerito, Aerito begat...

449. Shalam begat Hilchia...

450. and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children

451. and the heart of the children to their fathers

452. lest I come and smite the Earth with a curse.

453. Well, that's it.

454. My old friend Duke Seaver's standing by.

455. We'll get some coffee.

456. We'll get some matzo ball soup.

457. I love the San Antonio Spurs, by the way. If you're betting in the N.B.A. this year,

458. I think they're gonna win it all.

459. So I guess there's nothing more to say but... ( tape stops abruptly )

460. Homer?

461. Homer?

462. Oh, Homer...

463. Homer...

464. Hmm...

465. His drool— it's warm.

466. He's alive!

467. Homer! Homer, wake up!

468. You're alive!

469. Marge, stop it.

470. You're alive!

471. What are you talking about?

472. You're alive!

473. I'm alive!

474. I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier!

475. From this day forward

476. I vow to live life to its fullest.

477. Bowling commentator: Strike!

478. That's three in a row.

479. Let's see that one again.

480. Yeah, here we go.

481. Note the excellent wrist action.

482. It's just about to go into the gutter

483. and then a nice spin.

484. Ouch! A split.

485. If he makes this, he'll be down by 40 pins.

486. This match, though, is far from over.

487. It is far from over

488. but his approach has been wrong from the beginning as far as I'm concerned,

489. He's an erratic bowler, Jim. He tends to explode

490. in the seven, eight, nine frames...

491. Shh!