The Simpsons 2x1

Directed by David Silverman

Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice) • Jo Ann Harris as Nurse (voice) • Pamela Hayden as Announcer / Milhouse Van Houten (voice) • Russi Taylor as Martin Prince / Sherri / Terri / Mother (voice) • Pamela Hayden as Milhouse Van Houten / Announcer (voice)

Bart fails four consecutive history exams and the school psychiatrist recommends that Bart repeat the fourth grade.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Huh?

2. There will be no further interruptions

3. during Martin's book report.

4. "You're killing me, fish.

5. "Never have I seen

6. "a greater or more noble thing than you, brother.

7. "Come on and kill me.

8. "I do not care who kills who.

9. "To catch a fish.

10. "To kill a bull.

11. "To make love to a woman.

12. To live."

13. I thank you.

14. Oh, absolutely brilliant!

15. There were moments I truly believed

16. you were Hemingway.

17. Bravo, Martin.

18. Oh please, call me Papa.

19. A little ketchup for your buns, Papa?

20. I think we have time for one more report.

21. - Bart Simpson? - Oh!

22. Is your book report on Treasure Island ready?

23. Is it ready?

24. Ha! What a question.

25. Fellow students, prepare to be dazzled.

26. Well, as Mrs. Krabappel already mentioned

27. the name of the book that I read was Treasure Island.

28. It's about these... pirates.

29. Pirates with patches over their eyes...

30. and shiny gold teeth...

31. and green birds on their shoulders.

32. Did I mention this book

33. was written by a guy named Robert Louis Stevenson?

34. And published by the good people at McGraw-Hill.

35. So, in conclusion

36. on the Simpson scale of one to ten

37. ten being the highest, one being the lowest

38. and five being average, I give this book a nine.

39. Ahem. Any questions?

40. No? Then I'll just sit down.

41. Bart, did you read the book?

42. Mrs. Krabappel, I am insulted.

43. Is this a book report or a witch hunt?

44. Then perhaps you'd like to tell us

45. the name of the pirate.

46. Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John...

47. Bluebeard?

48. Sit down, Bart.

49. - I'll see you after class. - Awww.

50. Your grades have gotten steadily worse

51. since the beginning of the term.

52. Are you aware of that?

53. Yes, ma'am.

54. Are you aware that there is a major exam tomorrow

55. on colonial America?

56. Yes, ma'am.

57. Blah blah

58. blah blah blah

59. Yes, ma'am.

60. Blah blah blah

61. blah blah blah

62. Yes, ma'am.

63. Bart, you haven't

64. been paying attention to a word I've said, have you?

65. Yes, ma'am.

66. Well then, what did I say?

67. Uh... straighten up and fly right?

68. That was a lucky guess.

69. Hyuh! Take that, granny!

70. Hide in the closet.

71. Oh, no, deadly mothballs.

72. Eww! Granny's kissing me.

73. game voice: You have reached the level

74. of ungrateful grandchild.

75. Try again, if you dare.

76. Just a couple more games

77. and I'll hit the books.

78. Soup's on!

79. Hurry up, or it will get that icky skin on the top.

80. Ew, I hate that icky soup skin.

81. Okay, right after dinner, it's down to business.

82. Marge, could you get me another beer, please?

83. In a second, Homer.

84. Lisa has some good news.

85. He doesn't care, Mom.

86. Sure I do. I just want to have a beer while I'm caring.

87. Marge?

88. Homer!

89. Go ahead, Lisa.

90. Okay. I got an "A" on my vocabulary test.

91. What!

92. You did?

93. Well, that's just...

94. Oh, what a glorious day!

95. Lisa, hand me your paper.

96. I'm just gonna take this

97. over to the refrigerator and...

98. Hmm.. well, as long as I'm here

99. I might as well kill two birds with one stone.

100. What's the big idea? You covered up my paper.

101. Heh-heh, look at those funny little whiskers.

102. That reminds me

103. it's Big Gorilla Week on Million Dollar Movie.

104. Come on, boy.

105. No, Dad. I should really... hyuhh!

106. Ooh, Gorilla the Conqueror—

107. the granddaddy of them all.

108. Oh, well, maybe just one more hour.

109. It's so unfair.

110. Just because he's different.

111. Well, time to hit the books.

112. Burning the candle at both ends, eh boy?

113. Go get 'em.

114. All right, okay.

115. Let's take care of some business.

116. "Chapter One— A dream of freedom.

117. "On September 15, 1620, Puritan separatists

118. "from the Church of England, some living in Holland

119. "left Plymouth, England.

120. Their destination was..."

121. Psst! Marge?

122. Come take a look at this.

123. Oh, the little tiger tries so hard.

124. Why does he keep failing?

125. Just a little dim, I guess.

126. Bart, honey

127. you're going to miss your bus.

128. Uh-oh.

129. Hey, Bart dude!

130. Ooh, you look freaked.

131. Otto man, I've got a big test I am not ready for.

132. Could you please crash the bus, or something?

133. Oh, sorry, little buddy. Can't do it on purpose

134. but hey, maybe you'll get lucky.

135. Okay, no reason to panic.

136. Find an egghead, pump him for some answers

137. and boom! I'm back on easy street.

138. Oh-ho.

139. Look at him.

140. I bet he didn't study again.

141. And now he's gonna try to kiss up and get answers from us.

142. He's pathetic.

143. Good morning, girls.

144. Good morning, Bart.

145. Say, who's up for a little cram session?

146. I'll go first.

147. What was the name of the pilgrims' boat?

148. The Spirit of St. Louis.

149. Where did they land?

150. Sunny Acapulco.

151. Why did they leave England?

152. Giant rats.

153. Cool! History's coming alive.

154. As a natural enemy

155. I don't know why I should care

156. but the information pertaining

157. to America's colonial period that you've just received

158. is erroneous.

159. So you're saying...

160. A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth

161. has a better chance of passing this test

162. than you do.

163. ( school bell rings ) Thanks for the pep talk.

164. Alright students, take one and pass the rest back.

165. Think, Simpson, think.

166. Crisis brings out the best in you.

167. What is it, Bart?

168. Nothing.

169. Must... take... test.

170. What's the matter, son?

171. Short, stabbing pains in my stomach.

172. Oh, dear.

173. I've heard of this.

174. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?

175. Both arms, ma'am.

176. Temporary loss of vision?

177. Who said that?

178. Come closer.

179. Yes, dear?

180. Ahh.

181. Maybe one more dish.

182. Make it double cappuccino chocolate fudge.

183. Oh, your third bowl.

184. I think you may be on the mend.

185. Is there anything else I can get you?

186. Hmm...

187. Perhaps the TV?

188. Of course. Homer!

189. What?

190. Bring the television up.

191. Bart's got his vision back.

192. D-ohh!

193. I wish I had amoria phlebitis.

194. Everyone knows you're faking it, Bart.

195. Well everyone better keep their mouth shut.

196. You're gonna have to fail that history test

197. sooner or later.

198. I've got my bases covered.

199. Hey Milhouse, what'd I miss in school today?

200. Nothin' much. Lewis made Richard laugh milk through his nose.

201. You don't say.

202. What about that history test?

203. Piece of cake, huh?

204. Listen, what did you get for number one?

205. Uh-huh.

206. Number two?

207. Oh, yeah, that sounds right.

208. Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mmm.

209. Ahh!

210. Here you go, Mrs. Krabappel.

211. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

212. Mm-hmm.

213. Yep.

214. Mm-hmm.

215. This test is worse than Milhouse's exam.

216. Bart Simpson, I warned you.

217. This is the final straw.

218. Mr. And Mrs. Simpson, I think you know our district psychiatrist

219. Dr. J. Loren Pryor.

220. Hey, Doctor J.

221. Hmph.

222. I think what we have on our hands here is a classic case

223. of what laymen refer to as "fear of failure."

224. As a result, Bart is an underachiever, and yet he seems to be...

225. how should I put this...

226. proud of it.

227. Hmm.

228. One of his problems may be his short attention span

229. which can lead to...

230. blah blah blah

231. blah blah blah...

232. Uh-huh.

233. Blah blah

234. blah blah blah blah...

235. Hmm...

236. Bart has failed

237. his last four exams in History.

238. Is there anything

239. you're not telling us?

240. No.

241. Every other student in the class has shown

242. at least some form of improvement

243. and yet you continue to struggle.

244. Why is that?

245. I don't know.

246. Look at these results—

247. Fifty-five...

248. Forty-two...

249. Twenty-six...

250. A 12 on state capitals?

251. Okay! Okay. Why are we dancing around the obvious?

252. I know it. You know it. I am dumb, okay? Dumb as a post!

253. You think I'm happy about it?

254. Bart, you're just a late bloomer.

255. Oh, I wish it were that simple.

256. As shameful and as emotionally crippling

257. as it may be

258. I'm afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat

259. the fourth grade.

260. What? You can't hold me back.

261. I'll do better. I promise.

262. Promises, promises. Oh, sure. That'll be the day.

263. Well, maybe it would help him

264. to be left back.

265. It won't be so bad, Bart.

266. No, I mean it.

267. You can't hold me back.

268. I swear I'm gonna do better.

269. Look at my eyes— see the sincerity?

270. See the conviction? See the fear?

271. As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!

272. And if you don't, at least

273. you'll be bigger than the other kids.

274. s,

275. or forever hold your peace, little dudes.

276. Otto, you know I respect you.

277. I mean, you always let us throw stuff at cars

278. and try to tip the bus on sharp turns.

279. Damn thing never goes over, does it?

280. So what's in your head, little man?

281. Well, I been failing a lot of tests recently.

282. Yuh-huh?

283. And now they're talking about

284. holding me back in the 4th grade if I don't shape up.

285. That's it?

286. Hey, relax, man.

287. It could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you.

288. I got held back in the fourth grade myself. Twice.

289. And look at me, man.

290. Now I drive the school bus.

291. Dr. I'm afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson

292. to repeat the fourth grade...

293. repeat the fourth grade...

294. repeat the fourth grade...

295. All right, class.

296. The topic is world literature.

297. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island?

298. Bart Simpson?

299. Look lady, I got a peptic ulcer

300. a wife hawking me for a new car, and I need a root canal.

301. Will you quit bugging me about this stupid pirate?

302. Psst. It's Long John Silver, Dad.

303. I heard that, Bart, Jr.

304. I want to see both of you after class today.

305. D-ohh!

306. Thanks a lot, son.

307. Yo, little help.

308. I said, "little help."

309. Throw me the ball, Poindexter!

310. Oh, I'm sorry, Bart.

311. I'm unfamiliar with the rules of your sport.

312. I didn't want to interfere with a ball in play.

313. Well, back to the forecastle of the Pequod.

314. Hmm... hey, Martin?

315. You have your ball.

316. I have nothing else of value.

317. I need you to help me get a passing grade.

318. Well, you do need someone's help to get a passing grade

319. but I don't know why that someone should be me.

320. Because I can make it so the other kids

321. don't laugh at you so much.

322. They... laugh at me?

323. I'd always considered myself rather popular.

324. You're not.

325. Watch. Oof!

326. But my speed with numbers

327. my years of service as a hall monitor

328. my prizewinning dioramas—

329. these things mean nothing to them?

330. Perhaps another demonstration.

331. Very well.

332. You have made your point, Bart.

333. Then it's a deal?

334. Yes.

335. Alrighty, let's have a look-see at your study area.

336. Study area?

337. Yes, your sanctuary

338. from the hurly-burly of modern life.

339. Well, there's a desk under that junk over there.

340. Oh, no no no, no. This won't do at all.

341. We're gonna have to clean up this room

342. and we'll clearly need a few ferns in here.

343. No study area is complete without adequate plant life.

344. No.

345. No?

346. Only geeks sit in the front seat.

347. From now on, sit in the back row.

348. And that's not just on the bus.

349. It goes for school and church, too.

350. Why?

351. So no one can see what you're doing.

352. Oh! I think I understand. The potential for mischief varies inversely

353. with one's proximity to the authority figure.

354. Well, yeah, but don't say it like that.

355. Nnymm.

356. Nyahh!

357. Uhhnng!

358. Aaah! Aaah!

359. Hyuhh!

360. Pretty soon you will be ready to try it with a real book.

361. Who would have thought

362. pushing a boy into the girls' lavatory

363. could be such a thrill?

364. The screams, the humiliation, the fact that it wasn't me!

365. I've never felt so alive.

366. Great, Martin.

367. Now the big test is tomorrow...

368. Who cares about some test?

369. Life's too short for tests!

370. Hey, I thought we had a deal!

371. Ha, ha, ha!

372. The Martin Prince you made a deal with

373. no longer exists!

374. Come on fellows, to the arcade!

375. Cool, Martin!

376. All right, Martin!

377. Martin! Martin! Martin!

378. Bart?

379. It's past your bedtime.

380. Okay.

381. This is hopeless.

382. Ohh...

383. Well, old-timer, I guess this is the end of the road.

384. I know I haven't always been a good kid

385. but if I have to go to school tomorrow

386. I'll fail the test and be held back.

387. I just need one more day to study, Lord.

388. I need your help.

389. Prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel.

390. A teacher's strike, a power failure, a blizzard—

391. anything that will cancel school tomorrow.

392. I know it's asking a lot

393. but if anyone can do it, you can.

394. Thanking you in advance, your pal, Bart Simpson.

395. Wake up, Bart.

396. Rise and shine, little guy.

397. Time to wake up.

398. Oh, no, no.

399. Wake up and look at the snow.

400. Huh?

401. Whoa!

402. Good morning world!

403. Rise and shine, Springfield residents.

404. It's the Bill and Marty Show.

405. He's Bill. He's Marty.

406. Two grown men who can't get enough of each other.

407. And it looks like we've got some snow-formation

408. for all those flake-lovers out there. ( meows )

409. Mm-hmm. Springfield electric, gas and s

410. are closed for the day.

411. Oh, now don't forget

412. the nuclear power plant, Bill.

413. Please, please, please, please... That's c—losed, too.

414. Whoo-hoo!

415. All right!

416. For all you youngsters, you toddlers, this is what

417. you've been waiting for.

418. Springfield County schools are...

419. I can't read it.

420. I'm too excited.

421. Uh-oh... Springfield County schools will be...

422. Please, please, please... Closed!

423. All right, man!

424. Wait, come back— your hat!

425. Wear your galoshes!

426. Cowabunga!

427. Remember to take a break if your arms go numb.

428. Hey.

429. I heard you last night, Bart.

430. You prayed for this.

431. Now your prayers have been answered.

432. I'm no theologian.

433. I don't know who or what God is, exactly.

434. All I know is he's a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together

435. and you owe him big. (slams door closed)

436. You're right.

437. I asked for a miracle and I got it.

438. I got to study, man.

439. I'm not missing anything.

440. Frozen earlobes..

441. trudging up that stupid sled hill over and over again.

442. How good could it be?

443. I haven't had this much fun in years.

444. D-ahh!

445. Got you, Burnsie.

446. Why, you young ragamuffin.

447. I was never one to back away from a snowball fight.

448. Smithers, you may fire at will.

449. Certainly, sir.

450. I hereby declare this day to be "Snow Day—

451. The funnest day in the history of Springfield."

452. Got to study, got to study, got to study!

453. "Chapter Six— Four Days in Philadelphia.

454. "The first Continental Congress

455. "faced a difficult job.

456. "Could the delegates agree on recommendations

457. that all Americans could support?"

458. We hold these truths to be self-evident...

459. "We hold these truths to be self-evident."

460. That all men are created equal.

461. "... created equal."

462. That from that equal creation

463. they derive rights, inherent and inalienable...

464. Look everybody— it's snowing!

465. In the middle of July?

466. It's a miracle.

467. Fellows!

468. I've invented something fun: The sled!

469. founding father: Look everybody! John Hancock's writing his name in the snow!

470. Do you want to be held back a grade?

471. Concentrate, man!

472. Later, Mrs. K.

473. Please turn in your exam, Bart.

474. Class is over.

475. Do you think you could grade it now, please?

476. Well, all right.

477. Let me get "old red."

478. Mm-hmm.

479. Yup.

480. Mm-hmm.

481. Mm-hmm.

482. Well, Bart, it's a 59.

483. That's another "F."

484. Oh, no.

485. I can't believe it.

486. I know, I know.

487. Another year together.

488. Oh! It's going to be hell.

489. What's the matter?

490. I'd think you'd be used to failing by now.

491. No, you don't understand.

492. I really tried this time.

493. I mean, I really tried.

494. There, there.

495. This is as good as I can do and I still failed.

496. Well, a 59— it's a high "F."

497. Who am I kidding?

498. I really am a failure.

499. Now I know

500. how George Washington felt

501. when he surrendered Fort Necessity

502. to the French in 1754.

503. What?

504. Oh you know, 1754— the famous defeat to the French.

505. My God, Bart, you're right.

506. So?

507. You just demonstrated

508. applied knowledge

509. and due to the difficulty

510. and relative obscurity of the reference

511. you deserve an extra point on your exam. Hey, it's only fair.

512. You mean, I passed?

513. Just barely.

514. I passed.

515. I got a "D-".

516. I passed!

517. All right!

518. I got a "D-"!

519. I passed!

520. I got a "D-"!

521. I passed!

522. I got a "D-"!

523. I passed!

524. I passed! I...

525. Kissed the teacher!

526. We're proud of you, boy.

527. Thanks, Dad

528. but part of this "D-" belongs to God.

529. Shh!