1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. Hmm?Copy !req
3. Whoa!Copy !req
4. Oh, I love going
to aquatic parks.Copy !req
5. Sure, they have worse rides
than amusement parks,Copy !req
6. less fish than aquariums—
but the parking is ample!Copy !req
7. Now to seal you
in for safety.Copy !req
8. Oh, there's so many photo ops,Copy !req
9. but I already filled up
my camera in the parking lot.Copy !req
10. Parking lot C sign, the tram,Copy !req
11. a license plate from Canada,Copy !req
12. a bird eating potato chips,Copy !req
13. my feet walking,Copy !req
14. that boy who got sick
on the tram,Copy !req
15. Grampa talking
to a mermaid hedge,Copy !req
16. the park rules in Spanish,Copy !req
17. a fat baby,Copy !req
18. Grampa telling a story
to a trailer hitch.Copy !req
19. Oops! I erased them all!Copy !req
20. I want to do that!Copy !req
21. I'm going to take stuff
from the lost and found!Copy !req
22. My feet hurt!Copy !req
23. My left ear's freezing!Copy !req
24. My right ear's burning!Copy !req
25. I got fish smell in my wrinkles!Copy !req
26. Attention, exploro-nauts!Copy !req
27. That's us!Copy !req
28. In one minute,
we'll be startingCopy !req
29. our rock-quatic roll-tacular!Copy !req
30. Hurry! If we don't get a seat
in the splash zone,Copy !req
31. I've worn my bathing suit
under my clothes for nothing!Copy !req
32. A splash-'em-up show?Copy !req
33. Reminds me of the time
I high-dived into a damp spongeCopy !req
34. for the amusement of Federal
Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker.Copy !req
35. Grampa, no stories!Copy !req
36. You can come with us,
or sit here on the shark bench.Copy !req
37. You know, I did sit
on a shark once...Copy !req
38. Dad, bathing suit!Copy !req
39. Oops! No bathing suit.Copy !req
40. Let's give a wet
and wacky welcomeCopy !req
41. to Springfield's oldest
performing mollusk...Copy !req
42. Get to the show!Copy !req
43. This is the show!Copy !req
44. Here's the original Octomom:
Slimu!Copy !req
45. Slimu! Did you get my letters?Copy !req
46. Slimu wasn't expecting company,Copy !req
47. so he's got some
cleaning up to do!Copy !req
48. Slimu looks kind of
uncomfortable.Copy !req
49. Wouldn't you be if you
were a saltwater fishCopy !req
50. in a freshwater aquarium?Copy !req
51. The country has its first
black president.Copy !req
52. Maybe it's time
for the first octopus president!Copy !req
53. And when it comes
to signing bills,Copy !req
54. he can provide his own ink!Copy !req
55. Ahh, oily!Copy !req
56. They'll cheer a dancing octopus,Copy !req
57. but not an old man
complaining about everything.Copy !req
58. Excuse me, sir.
Is this seat taken?Copy !req
59. Well, not for a pretty girl
like you!Copy !req
60. Well, this is the first time
I ever sat on a shark.Copy !req
61. Not me— sat on
a real one once!Copy !req
62. Tell me more!
More?Copy !req
63. Play it cool, Grampa.Copy !req
64. Play it cool!Copy !req
65. It was back in World War II.Copy !req
66. I was a Seaman First ClassCopy !req
67. on the USS World War I.Copy !req
68. We were minding
our own businessCopy !req
69. when we were attacked
by a heat-seeking torpedoCopy !req
70. we had fired the day before.Copy !req
71. Don't worry about
the sharks, boys.Copy !req
72. Just play possum
and they'll leave you alone.Copy !req
73. Unfortunately sharks
love possum.Copy !req
74. Hey, boys, these sharks can't
bite us if we're on their backs!Copy !req
75. Yeah.Copy !req
76. It's like riding the Cyclone
back at Coney Island!Copy !req
77. Whoa!Copy !req
78. It's like riding a dust devil
back in Yuma—Copy !req
79. like I read about in a book
back in Boston!Copy !req
80. the rescue planes came,Copy !req
81. we had those sharks
trained pretty good.Copy !req
82. I still keep in touch
with all those menCopy !req
83. and some of the sharks.Copy !req
84. Why, here's us
in Hawaii last year.Copy !req
85. Good times.Copy !req
86. Sir, my name is
Marshall Goldman.Copy !req
87. I'm a newspaper columnistCopy !req
88. specializing in human
interest stories.Copy !req
89. You're in the newspaper
business?Copy !req
90. Something that's gonna die
before I do!Copy !req
91. You have any other stories
you'd care to tell me?Copy !req
92. Someone's listening to me!Copy !req
93. Now I know how a radio feels!Copy !req
94. Well, class, it's
Friday afternoon.Copy !req
95. That means it's time to find out
which one of you getsCopy !req
96. to take Larry the Lamb
home for the weekend.Copy !req
97. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
98. And don't forget,
the lucky student gets
to add his or her pageCopy !req
99. to Larry's personal journal.Copy !req
100. Just like Martin did last week.Copy !req
101. Ha!Copy !req
102. I want him first!
No, me!Copy !req
103. Oh, not that stupid
stuffed lamb again.Copy !req
104. This isn't learning!Copy !req
105. Do you want to learn?Copy !req
106. No, no, no. I'm just saying...Copy !req
107. This weekend,Copy !req
108. Larry will go home with...Copy !req
109. Please, God, I need this.Copy !req
110. Bart Simpson.Copy !req
111. Oh, cruel irony!Copy !req
112. Hey, the only thing I bring home
are notes to my parents,Copy !req
113. and those do not arrive
the way that they left.Copy !req
114. Hmm.Copy !req
115. Oh, what a nice note!Copy !req
116. I'm not sticking my hand
in that can again.Copy !req
117. You're getting the lamb.Copy !req
118. Not so fast.Copy !req
119. Tell the diary how special
he makes you feel!Copy !req
120. More adjectives!Copy !req
121. That's an adverb!Copy !req
122. Top of the morning,
Homer.Copy !req
123. Seen the paper?Copy !req
124. No, I get my news
off the Internet.Copy !req
125. Well, sir, it looks like
your dad is a quotable notable.Copy !req
126. Huh?Copy !req
127. That's a... It's funny.Copy !req
128. It's poignant...Copy !req
129. It actually happened!Copy !req
130. My father is interesting?Copy !req
131. The whole world's upside down!Copy !req
132. That must mean Cathy is funny.Copy !req
133. Nope.Copy !req
134. Abe, I never knew
you were so full of...Copy !req
135. !
What does that mean?Copy !req
136. It's like
,Copy !req
137. but with a pinch more
!Copy !req
138. Yep, I may just beCopy !req
139. the best known Abraham
in history.Copy !req
140. So, Abe, what else
you got for me?Copy !req
141. Hmm, well, let's see.Copy !req
142. Ooh, I was working
as a shoeshine boyCopy !req
143. at Springfield Union Station.Copy !req
144. Every Monday, the
Tinseltown Starliner would stopCopy !req
145. at 1:17 p.m. on its way
to Hollywood.Copy !req
146. I never rode that train,Copy !req
147. but I'd palaver
with the movie starsCopy !req
148. when they got out
to stretch their legs.Copy !req
149. Hiya!Copy !req
150. But none was more
memorable than...Copy !req
151. Clark Gable!Copy !req
152. Looks like someone
has seen my workCopy !req
153. as an extra in Du Barry,
Woman Of Passion.Copy !req
154. I sure have, Mr. Gable.Copy !req
155. How come you ain't
a star yet?Copy !req
156. Maybe my ears are too big.
I don't know.Copy !req
157. Hey, what you
reading there?
Oh, it's calledCopy !req
158. Gone with the Wind.
You can have it.Copy !req
159. It's only got one swear word,
and not a very good one.Copy !req
160. Gone with the Wind, eh?Copy !req
161. Well, let's see:
garbage, garbage, my line.Copy !req
162. Garbage, garbage, my line.Copy !req
163. Atlanta burns, nice dresses.
I like it!Copy !req
164. Thanks, kid.Copy !req
165. Don't tell this story
to anyone for 60 years.Copy !req
166. "Clark Gable owes me a book.Copy !req
167. "And he never paid me
for the shoeshine.Copy !req
168. "But his big blue eyes
could melt the butterCopy !req
169. "you kept in your pocket
for lunch.Copy !req
170. Lunch butter we called it."Copy !req
171. How come Grampa never shared
those stories with us?Copy !req
172. He does all the time.Copy !req
173. You just never listen.Copy !req
174. Marge, my brain is
like a computer,Copy !req
175. and I file away Grampa's stories
in a very special place.Copy !req
176. Hmm, while I'm up there.Copy !req
177. Uh-oh.Copy !req
178. That's it, boy!
Go for the nards!Copy !req
179. Bart!Copy !req
180. If you're not gonna
take care of him right,Copy !req
181. then give him to me.Copy !req
182. How come you don't get mad
when I torment real animals?Copy !req
183. I do! It enrages me!Copy !req
184. I thought you Hindus were
supposed to love everybody.Copy !req
185. I'm a freaking
Buddhist!Copy !req
186. A Buddhist!Copy !req
187. Larry, please don't judge
our whole family by Bart.Copy !req
188. He's the black sheep.Copy !req
189. I mean, not that black sheepCopy !req
190. are in any way inferior
to white sheep.Copy !req
191. I do not judge wool
by its color—Copy !req
192. only by how itchy it is.Copy !req
193. Ooh, look!Copy !req
194. Jazz!Copy !req
195. Larry, what sub-genre
of jazz do you like?Copy !req
196. Fusion? Neo-bop?Copy !req
197. Afro-Cuban?Copy !req
198. Larry!Copy !req
199. Gotcha!Copy !req
200. Larry? Oh, Larry?Copy !req
201. Larry?Copy !req
202. Larry?Copy !req
203. You're coming off
desperate, honey.Copy !req
204. That's how I got my idea
for a suitcase with wheels,Copy !req
205. from watching a commercial
about a suitcase with wheels.Copy !req
206. Hey, Abe,Copy !req
207. great stories.Copy !req
208. I'm Mitch Albom,
author of Tuesdays with Morrie.Copy !req
209. Never heard of you.Copy !req
210. Yeah. Sure you haven't.Copy !req
211. Take a hike, Hollywood.Copy !req
212. I've already got
a college boyCopy !req
213. to turn my every word
into syndicated gold.Copy !req
214. Yeah, beat it, sports page.Copy !req
215. And what if I don't?Copy !req
216. Clouds are God's sneezes.Copy !req
217. Ooh, I like this kid.Copy !req
218. Oh, Dad, I got you some Scotch.Copy !req
219. One of those fancy onesCopy !req
220. the checkout lady had
to unlock the cabinet to get.Copy !req
221. Well, well, well,Copy !req
222. look who decided to visit me
twice in one year.Copy !req
223. This man's more of a son to me
than you've ever been.Copy !req
224. What the...?Copy !req
225. Well, he's more of a father
to me than you've ever been!Copy !req
226. I don't think that's true.Copy !req
227. Stay out of this, Dad.Copy !req
228. Uh, no. O-Okay.Copy !req
229. You only care about me now
because I'm famous.Copy !req
230. That's it.Copy !req
231. Here's your ring back.Copy !req
232. Ring? What ring?Copy !req
233. It's a father-son
commitment bandCopy !req
234. that I bought
and never told you about.Copy !req
235. And now
I'm telling you.Copy !req
236. Okay, I need
the stupid lamb back.Copy !req
237. He's in here,
safe and sound.Copy !req
238. Let me just staple
that bag for you.Copy !req
239. Hmm.Copy !req
240. This isn't Larry.Copy !req
241. It's just cotton balls
on toilet paper rolls.Copy !req
242. Where's the real Larry?Copy !req
243. Well, what do you care?Copy !req
244. You don't even like him.Copy !req
245. Of course I don't,
but other people do.Copy !req
246. Hey, Bart, can't wait
to see Larry again.Copy !req
247. Um, what if someone
were to lose Larry?Copy !req
248. They'd see a dark side of me
no one knows about.Copy !req
249. You've reached Abe.Copy !req
250. And Marshall.Copy !req
251. Abe can't come
to the phone right now.Copy !req
252. And if this is Homer,
you're too late for my love.Copy !req
253. Stupid Grampa.Copy !req
254. I try to end the
cycle of neglect,Copy !req
255. and he hits me with
some super neglect.Copy !req
256. Maybe you're not
really mad at Grampa.Copy !req
257. Maybe you're mad
at yourselfCopy !req
258. for taking him for granted
all these years.Copy !req
259. Marge, how can anyone
be mad at himself?Copy !req
260. It's impossible. Watch.Copy !req
261. Why, you little...Copy !req
262. Oh, I can't.Copy !req
263. When I look at those beautiful
chubby cheeks.Copy !req
264. Come here, you.Copy !req
265. Ow!Copy !req
266. Ow! I'll kill you,
you son of a ...!Copy !req
267. Oh. No, no,
don't-don't look hurt.Copy !req
268. Okay. It's okay.Copy !req
269. It's okay.Copy !req
270. I'll show Grampa.Copy !req
271. I'll find my own
surrogate fatherCopy !req
272. full of heartwarming stories
I can share with the world.Copy !req
273. And that's how you win
an opium war.Copy !req
274. Oh, great stuff.Copy !req
275. And the life lesson is?Copy !req
276. The Yangtze River swallows
all secrets.Copy !req
277. Hmm.Copy !req
278. I'm just gonna put
"Haste makes waste."Copy !req
279. Yes, although, these days, I can
make neither haste nor waste.Copy !req
280. You know, Simpson,Copy !req
281. this has truly been
a lovely afternoon.Copy !req
282. Release... a hound.Copy !req
283. Isn't that cute?Copy !req
284. He thinks he's a pack.Copy !req
285. Where'd you get
this rope?Copy !req
286. Swiped it
from gym class.Copy !req
287. Climb that rope!Copy !req
288. There is no rope.Copy !req
289. Well, you better get
to the ceiling somehow!Copy !req
290. Ceiling, ceiling,
ceiling!Copy !req
291. Bart, I'm losing my grip.Copy !req
292. Put the rope in your teeth.Copy !req
293. What will that do?Copy !req
294. It'll shut you up.Copy !req
295. Hmm.Copy !req
296. Larry?Copy !req
297. Larry the Lamb?Copy !req
298. There you are,
you piece of crap.Copy !req
299. There's rats
in my pants!Copy !req
300. Chief, my brother fell
in the storm drain!Copy !req
301. Um, I'm strictly an
above-the-ground policeman.Copy !req
302. What you need is
the sewer cops.Copy !req
303. Fine. What's their number?Copy !req
304. Lisa, you're old enough nowCopy !req
305. that I can tell you
the truth.Copy !req
306. There's no such thing
as the sewer cops.Copy !req
307. It's just something we tell kids
to make them feel safe.Copy !req
308. What about Bart?Copy !req
309. Well, if you miss him,
yell into a toilet.Copy !req
310. It's dark down here!Copy !req
311. I have a column
I'd like to submit.Copy !req
312. Pay me whenever.Copy !req
313. I'll just take this
to our editor.Copy !req
314. Hmm.Copy !req
315. What?Copy !req
316. Pulitzer Prize application form?Copy !req
317. "When I rode with Abe Simpson
on the Tinseltown Starliner,Copy !req
318. "I never dreamed his first
voyage would be his last?Copy !req
319. "At 3:00 on Monday,Copy !req
320. Abe passed away peacefully
in his sleep."Copy !req
321. How would he know
Grampa was going to die today?Copy !req
322. Unless he was going to kill him!Copy !req
323. But would someone
really kill a manCopy !req
324. just to win a Pulitzer Prize?Copy !req
325. All aboard the final run
of the Tinseltown Starliner,Copy !req
326. the last ride
into a nostalgic past.Copy !req
327. Anyone without a ticket
will be beatenCopy !req
328. by classic railroad bulls.Copy !req
329. You don't get a beatin'
like this traveling by plane.Copy !req
330. Ow!Copy !req
331. I'm finally riding
the Tinseltown Starliner.Copy !req
332. I could die a happy man.Copy !req
333. D'oh!Copy !req
334. Drink up, Abe.Copy !req
335. Live each moment as if
someone's about to kill you.Copy !req
336. I mean,Copy !req
337. as if it's your last.Copy !req
338. Sorry, my hearing aid's
on the fritz.Copy !req
339. The only word
I heard was "kill."Copy !req
340. Hey. Aah.Copy !req
341. Look at that.Copy !req
342. They've recreated the '30s.Copy !req
343. Tent cities,
failing banks.Copy !req
344. No, those are real.Copy !req
345. Oh!Copy !req
346. Beware of Marshall Goldman!Copy !req
347. What was that?Copy !req
348. Um, an elephant
on a circus trainCopy !req
349. bellowing for
his mother.Copy !req
350. Oh, I remember the first timeCopy !req
351. an elephant tried to eat me
like a peanut.Copy !req
352. I was on the set
of a Warner Brothers cartoon.Copy !req
353. Jack Warner came by
and said...Copy !req
354. Hey, Slimu!Copy !req
355. Huh?Copy !req
356. Yeah, you'd better run!Copy !req
357. Sewer cats!Copy !req
358. Larry?Copy !req
359. Larry, you saved my life!Copy !req
360. You're the most wonderful
stuffed lamb in the world.Copy !req
361. I'm sorry
about the mean things I said,Copy !req
362. and we'll have the rest
of the weekend to...Copy !req
363. Whoa!Copy !req
364. Huh?Copy !req
365. Larry!Copy !req
366. Man, everybody
loves this guy.Copy !req
367. Give him my number.Copy !req
368. I'll teach him things.Copy !req
369. Things he can use.Copy !req
370. The older I get,Copy !req
371. the more I like the taste
of hot water.Copy !req
372. A little lower...Copy !req
373. A little lower.Copy !req
374. Drop that pillow!Copy !req
375. It gets worse.Copy !req
376. Ow!
Yeah.Copy !req
377. See you tomorrow at yoga.Copy !req
378. Jane is sick, so
Tricia's filling in.Copy !req
379. As long as it's not a dude!Copy !req
380. How can you stand up
to this punishment?Copy !req
381. I'm the toughest
S.O.B. there is—Copy !req
382. a biweekly human
interest columnist.Copy !req
383. And your father's
gonna make me a fortune.Copy !req
384. Pathetic old fool.Copy !req
385. Maybe so, but I know
how to play possum.Copy !req
386. Um...Copy !req
387. So many hat boxes.Copy !req
388. Dad, I don't have
the right wordsCopy !req
389. to say how I really feel
about you,Copy !req
390. but at least I know
how to beat up a guy who does.Copy !req
391. Well, at least
you never tried to kill me.Copy !req
392. Just with indifference.Copy !req
393. You did good, kid.Copy !req
394. This is for the shoeshine.Copy !req
395. It's a ghost quarter,Copy !req
396. but you'll be able
to spend it pretty soon.Copy !req
397. So, Grampa,
you really saved Dad's life?Copy !req
398. I sure did.Copy !req
399. But why don't we let Homer
tell the story?Copy !req
400. Really? Me? You mean it?Copy !req
401. I think you're ready
for your first ramble.Copy !req
402. Oh, I've been waiting
for this day for so long.Copy !req
403. The year is 1946.Copy !req
404. In a war-torn world,
a single flower blooms.Copy !req
405. And that flower is an angry
Japanese monster named Godzilla.Copy !req
406. How am I doing, Dad?Copy !req
407. I'm hanging
on every word.Copy !req
408. Fortunately, there was
one man who could help—Copy !req
409. Colonel Tom Parker.Copy !req
410. The Colonel took this monster,
cleaned him upCopy !req
411. and put him onstage
under the nameCopy !req
412. The Rolling Stones.Copy !req
413. The first concert was a selloutCopy !req
414. with many, many,
many people eaten.Copy !req
415. But those that survived raved
about the undeniable harmoniesCopy !req
416. and brutally honest lyrics
of what they had just seen.Copy !req
417. And out of the wreckage
of that concert,Copy !req
418. crawled a woman, who would
later give birth to me.Copy !req
419. Not once but four times.Copy !req
420. 'Cause in those days,
if they didn't like
the way you looked,Copy !req
421. they would send you back in
to bake a little longer.Copy !req
422. After four times, they just
decided to cut off my tail.Copy !req
423. But you can still see it...
in the British Museum,Copy !req
424. which, interestingly enough,
is in France.Copy !req
425. Not the France
you're thinking of.Copy !req
426. But a much better one,
filled with palm trees
and leprechauns.Copy !req
427. But I digress.
In fact, I used to be
a professional digressor.Copy !req
428. But I don't want
to get off the tracksCopy !req
429. so I'll tell you
about the time I was
a professional digressor.Copy !req
430. The year was 2021,Copy !req
431. and I had just returned
from a brief vacation...Copy !req
432. where I'd eaten more
than my fill of tacos.Copy !req
433. Not the tacos
you're thinking of.Copy !req
434. Did I ever tell you
about the time
I started Gracie Films?Copy !req
435. Shh!Copy !req
436. Hey, shh yourself!Copy !req