The Simpsons 21x20

Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice)

A bomb squad mistakenly blows up Homer's unattended gym bag, releasing radiation into the city and authorities react by suspending civil liberties. Wiggum and his men install surveillance cameras around Springfield and round up suspected terrorists, including groundskeeper Willie, but when monitoring the nonstop flow of video imagery proves to be too much, Wiggum enlists concerned citizens to help keep the city safe. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes fed up with being blonde, so she dyes her hair a dark color.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, yeah!

2. Ooh, yeah!

3. Duffman is here to refill your beers!

4. Okay. Thank you.

5. Now, for the only thing better than Duff.

6. Better than Duff?

7. Free Duff stuff!

8. Oh, yeah! Oh!

9. Now, who wants... beer cozies?

10. A shirt that says "Yo!"

11. Sassy seat cushions!

12. And flash drives for your PC so you can take your data and

13. back it up!

14. Whoa! I need some of that.

15. And now, Duffman has a dinner date

16. with his estranged daughter.

17. Must not bring up why she dropped out of college.

18. It's too sad!

19. Huh. Huh. Hey. Ha! Ha!

20. Guess what company

21. had a giveaway at Moe's last night?

22. No, I won't.

23. Keep guessing.

24. What's it say, boy?

25. Responsibly.

26. Oh!

27. Kid, you've been staring

28. at these gelatin desserts for 15 minutes.

29. Pick one!

30. It's so hard to decide.

31. Is the yellow one lemon or pineapple?

32. It's your pet canary.

33. Now scram!

34. Hey. Haw haw!

35. You're a spaz!

36. That's not true.

37. First of all, Milhouse fell because you tripped him.

38. Secondly, spaz is short for spastic diplegic,

39. someone who suffers from a serious medical condition.

40. Thirdly, your "haw haw," through overuse,

41. has lost its power.

42. Wow.

43. I bow before your logic.

44. Excuse me.

45. I couldn't help but notice how logically you argue.

46. Well, I am one: flattered, and two: intrigued.

47. Lisa Simpson.

48. Ms. Dubinsky.

49. I'd like to invite you to join our debate team.

50. I didn't know we had a debate team.

51. Well, it's the one extracurricular activity

52. that can't be cut, because it requires no equipment.

53. We're low on funding,

54. so Ralph Wiggum will be standing in as your lectern.

55. I'm a furniture!

56. And that is why

57. hybrid car buyers should be given rebates

58. paid for by taxes on hamburgers.

59. Thank you, Lisa.

60. Excuse me.

61. The podiums are needed

62. in the art room as easels.

63. Yay!

64. Megan, cross-examination.

65. What if someone's driving an old, but functioning, car?

66. Wouldn't the carbon required

67. to create a new hybrid exceed the savings in gas?

68. Initially yes, but...

69. And isn't most electricity in the United States

70. ultimately derived from the burning of coal?

71. Currently. However, solar and wind are...

72. The sun and the breeze— the two things you know a lot about.

73. Right, Blondie?

74. Blondie?

75. Like, totally.

76. Why don't we get a bitchin' new perm

77. with daddy's credit card?

78. First of all,

79. my father no longer has any functioning credit cards.

80. Secondly, how dare you refer to...

81. Ooh, you can count to two. Aah.

82. Do you need some ice on your head?

83. I... I...

84. The winner by a hair—

85. a brown hair— Megan!

86. Ooh!

87. Sir, that hollow mountain in Nevada

88. that was supposed to hold a million years

89. of nuclear waste is full.

90. Did they jump on the pile to smoosh it down?

91. It went down in one place and up in another.

92. We need somewhere else to dispose of this plutonium.

93. Eh, just find the biggest idiot on our payroll

94. and slip it in his bag.

95. Ooh!

96. That's a bingo.

97. Mmm. Good mac and cheese.

98. I've had better.

99. Down at the train station.

100. I'll have to check it out sometime.

101. Mmm!

102. The best mac and cheese I've ever had

103. is at a bowling alley in Ogdenville.

104. Mm, I am pretty full.

105. Bread crumbs on the top.

106. I'm on my way!

107. That bag— surely it's attended.

108. Unattended bag!

109. All panic!

110. So, what do you think?

111. I think we're gonna blow it up

112. and let the bleeding heart liberals ask questions later.

113. Well, now, why can't it be blown up by a woman of color?

114. Five, four.

115. No time for a full countdown.

116. Ooh, it's dinner time!

117. This just in.

118. The suspicious bag detonated at Springfield Union Station today

119. contained deadly plutonium,

120. which can only mean one thing— a terrorist plot.

121. Enough radioactivity was released

122. to create 17 Hulks and a Spider-Man.

123. Here's an artist's conception.

124. Quite disturbing.

125. I admit it.

126. Everything I've said

127. about terrorism till now was fear-mongering.

128. But today, I monger the truth.

129. To protect our city from all future bombings,

130. dirty, clean, dive or carpet,

131. we have hired an outside consultant

132. from London, England.

133. Does he have a cute accent?

134. Why don't you be the judge, young lady?

135. Ooh, he sounds just like Paddington Bear!

136. My name is Nigel Bakerbutcher.

137. Sleepy London town.

138. Once upon a time, the only problem we had here

139. was from overzealous Cockney flower sellers.

140. Flowers, guv'nor?

141. A pretty for your buttonhole?

142. 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.

143. But in London of the 21st century,

144. the watchword is vigilance.

145. London is now ringed by the most comprehensive array

146. of surveillance cameras mankind has ever seen.

147. Excuse me.

148. Is this what the framers of the constitution would want?

149. Well, I'm Wally of Wally's Framers,

150. and this is exactly what I want.

151. How many personal freedoms are we willing to give up

152. in the name of security?

153. That blonde girl thinks she's smart, like us dark hairs.

154. Again with the blonde!

155. Why in the world would the color of the hair

156. on someone's head have anything to do

157. with the intelligence within?

158. Yeah, you're so right.

159. I'm smart, too.

160. I got Joe to promise to leave his wife when I turn 50.

161. Eh, uh, yes.

162. Now, all in favor of these cameras say cheese.

163. Cheese!

164. Those opposed say, "I hate America."

165. I ha...

166. Oh, wait.

167. Oh.

168. Motion carries.

169. Next up: motion to limit terms of city officials.

170. All in favor say, "I have sex with animals."

171. I do have sex with animals,

172. but I am not in favor of term limits.

173. Mm-hmm.

174. Lisa, I know kids have been making fun of your blonde hair,

175. so I got you this book

176. from the Being Different section of the bookstore.

177. Hmm?

178. "Sally Circle was eating donuts and Ovaltine

179. when her father came in with terrible news."

180. We're moving to Rectangu-Land!

181. Round up the family and let's roll!

182. "Everyone was mean to Sally.

183. "She was too well-rounded.

184. "She felt cornered.

185. "They wouldn't let her play four-square

186. "or invite her to the box social.

187. The end."

188. That's a rather unambitious book.

189. I want a camera on every light pole.

190. I want two hidden cameras there, open camera there.

191. Hidden. Hidden.

192. Hidden.

193. Hidden.

194. Cluster! Right there! Yes!

195. Um, you ain't gonna like what you see.

196. Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't make ice?

197. She lost the recipe.

198. You know why it takes longer to build a blonde snowman?

199. You have to hollow out the head.

200. He sure nailed you, Lis.

201. You're blond, too.

202. Blonde guys aren't dumb.

203. They're evil.

204. Like in The Karate Kid and World War II.

205. All right, boys.

206. Let's see the dark underbelly of our fair burg.

207. Okay, we got a litterbug

208. on F-6, double homicide in progress on Q-20...

209. A woman sunbathing topless on R-15!

210. Uh, Chief, I think we got a misuse

211. of police equipment on ZZ-99.

212. Killjoy.

213. Gas station customer washing windshield

214. without buying gas.

215. Girl using Wite-Out as nail polish.

216. Oh, man, this is hard.

217. Hey, did you get that guy who was parading around naked?

218. He was just jogging in a tan sweat suit, Chief.

219. Are you sure? I thought I saw his...

220. That was a fanny pack, worn on the front.

221. But there was a... Water bottle...

222. But it was... Leaking.

223. That's it! That's it!

224. I can't take another minute of these stupid screens!

225. Go-Go find some concerned citizens

226. to pick up the slack.

227. Well, how many should I get?

228. Uh, well, we've got, uh, eight chairs, so...

229. Oh, no, wait.

230. Put one chair in my office facing my desk,

231. so-so I'll seem like a meetings guy.

232. Yeah. Oh, uh...

233. Oh, have a seat.

234. Uh, I'll be with you in one minute. Yeah.

235. Ah, that's a new low.

236. We have chosen you to help out,

237. because you are all that rare combination.

238. Prying, but not pervy.

239. Now just follow a little formula called P.B. and J.:

240. Peer at the monitor, Be judgmental, and Jot it down.

241. One way to remember that is A.B.C.:

242. Always Be Considering P.B. and J.

243. But the single most important rule is the four A's:

244. Always Act According to A.B.C.

245. Uh-oh.

246. What is it, Ned?

247. I've got two teens in a public park

248. goin' at it like a couple of gibbons

249. in the back seat of Noah's Ark!

250. Should we inform the Chief?

251. Hmm, maybe.

252. But I feel a little like I'm the Tom Voyeur

253. to these Huckleberry Sinners.

254. Or you could correct the behavior yourself

255. with our Nag-a-sonic speakers.

256. Oi! Snogging people!

257. What the hell was that?

258. Tongues where I can see them, please.

259. I ain't lettin' you touch me with somebody watchin'.

260. Come on, baby, it's just a voice.

261. Don't push it, Kearney.

262. I'm Jimbo! Oh, great.

263. Make me look easy in front of the voice.

264. But you are easy!

265. Don't be ashamed of what you are!

266. Shauna...

267. I've gone from lookie-loo to talkie-too.

268. Excuse me, that's your salad fork.

269. That Wi-Fi's for hotel guests only.

270. What's the matter, sir, too cool to sing "Happy Birthday?"

271. Isn't this great, Marge?

272. We're like Jiminy Cricket for the whole ding-dang town.

273. A half-man, half-bug that knows what's best for everybody.

274. Mm-hmm.

275. I don't know.

276. I'm starting to think we're prying too much

277. into people's lives.

278. And this room isn't really the best place

279. for Maggie to hang out.

280. That's not Sesame Street,

281. that's a gay bar.

282. Although I guess

283. this would teach her sharing and caring,

284. but... we're going home.

285. Dye! Dye! Dye!

286. Tomorrow's forecast is...

287. Okay, place your bets.

288. Partly cloudy. Partly sunny.

289. Golf ball-sized hail!

290. A chance of severe thunderstorms

291. with golf ball-sized hail!

292. Whoo-hoo!

293. I spy, with my electronic eye, illegal wagering!

294. Hey, weren't these cameras installed

295. to keep America's enemies from blowin' up our homeland?

296. Well, sir, how many times have you been blown up

297. since the cameras went in?

298. Zero times.

299. Mm-hmm!

300. Now I'm gonna go

301. till you give the money back.

302. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm!

303. Cut it out...

304. Cut it out!

305. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm!

306. All right!

307. All right!

308. I'm goin' home.

309. It's not safe in here.

310. Don't use that dog as a ramp.

311. Less radical... Less radical!

312. Stop gleaming that cube!

313. So, you like to watch, huh?

314. Well, take a look at this!

315. Huh?

316. Hmm.

317. Buttocks!

318. Tushie!

319. Ugh!

320. Whoa, a blind spot!

321. Boy cheeks!

322. Fanny!

323. Derriere!

324. Hiney!

325. Backside!

326. Cover up that coin slot!

327. Hey, boy, whatcha doing?

328. Experimenting with my butt.

329. My little Einstein.

330. Welcome to Chaos Corners, the Pleasure Patch,

331. Satan's Triangle—

332. the one place in town no cameras can see you,

333. and no laws can touch you.

334. Oh, yeah, that stopped the kicking.

335. Inspiration Point looks pretty uninspired.

336. All's quiet in Murder Town.

337. Yep, Springfield is cleaner than the Lord's hand towels.

338. Sour ball, take me away!

339. Mm-mm-mmm.

340. Mmm! Mm-mmm... mmm.

341. Another tie.

342. Followed by three hours of parachute repacking.

343. Koo-koo-roo! Koo-koo-roo!

344. A phony bird call?

345. That means Marge is coming!

346. Everyone, act legal!

347. Homer, Maggie has to wear that clown mask for Halloween.

348. What's going on?

349. Well, uh...

350. the one place the cameras can't see is right here in our backyard,

351. so I'm charging people to do whatever they want.

352. Isn't that wonderful?

353. I don't see what's so wonderful.

354. Remember how you wanted me to get that expensive operation?

355. Well, now I can afford a motorcycle!

356. Ever hear of the expression "Not in my backyard"?

357. Well... that!

358. Nothin'.

359. Nothin'. Somethin'.

360. I don't want to get Homer in trouble,

361. but it's just plain wrong to use that blind spot

362. to turn our backyard into a Mecca of misdemeanors!

363. Blind spot?

364. Mecca?

365. Rod, hold up Daddy's shaving mirror out the window, would ya?

366. I see you now.

367. Rod, you and Todd stay in the house.

368. Todd's not in the house.

369. No!

370. And that's why school uniforms should not be mandatory.

371. Lisa, rebuttal?

372. Dressing in uniforms is a good thing.

373. If everyone looks the same, it levels the playing field.

374. Hmm, very smart.

375. That's well-reasoned. A true brunette.

376. It's better to just fit in with the crowd.

377. She's as bright as her hair is dark! So smart!

378. Great point!

379. Oh, I can't go on!

380. This rebuttal is a sham!

381. You aren't being persuaded

382. by the content of my argument.

383. You're being convinced by the color of my hair!

384. Well, that— that's absurd! Ridiculous!

385. Although her brown hair makes a persuasive case.

386. Well guess what? I am not a brunette!

387. I'm a blonde!

388. Roots!

389. We must rid ourselves of these outdated clichés.

390. Not all blondes are dumb!

391. Not all fat people are jolly.

392. Would you be jolly

393. if you thought Comic-Con was moving to Anaheim?

394. And not all old people are bad drivers.

395. This building cut me off!

396. Who wants feet steak?

397. Me! Me!

398. Over here!

399. De-meat those feet!

400. Oh, no! I don't have to listen to you.

401. If I'm not on camera, you can't see me!

402. I'm standin' right here!

403. Everyone in this town is sick and tired

404. of you looking over their shoulder.

405. "Don't leave your sprinklers on in the rain!

406. Don't burn that pile of ventriloquist dummies!"

407. Oh, but you promised!

408. Later. Later.

409. But, neighbor, why did you have to do this?

410. I've tattled this town into a paradise!

411. This used to be just a little part of me.

412. You see, Ned, your citywide nagging

413. compressed all of our town's misbehavior

414. into one small place.

415. Creating a glittering diamond of super evil.

416. I guess I did create this.

417. Like God created the devil.

418. God created the devil?

419. Finally, He did something cool.

420. Oh, I never wanted to turn into Big Brother.

421. I just wanted to be little sister,

422. tattlin' on everyone so the town would be a nicer place.

423. Well, if you ask me, you were trying to play God.

424. That's the worst sin of all, for some reason.

425. What can I do to make things right?

426. You can help me take out those cameras.

427. Neighbor, we got some work to do.

428. Yes!

429. So, sadly, the most popular reality show in England

430. is no more.

431. I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum.

432. Reminds me of my boy.

433. Oh, Mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.

434. Shh!