1. Aah!Copy !req
2. Hey, kids!Copy !req
3. Who do you love?Copy !req
4. - Krusty!
- How much do you love me?Copy !req
5. With all our hearts!Copy !req
6. What would you do
if I went off the air?Copy !req
7. We'd kill ourselves!Copy !req
8. What's that, Sideshow Bob?Copy !req
9. This is Brittany
and today's her birthday?Copy !req
10. Well, happy birthday, Brittany!Copy !req
11. How do you want to celebrate?Copy !req
12. Do you want me to sing you
a birthday song?Copy !req
13. Or do you want me to shootCopy !req
14. Sideshow Bob out of a cannon?Copy !req
15. The cannon. The cannon.Copy !req
16. - The cannon. The cannon.
- The cannon.Copy !req
17. Sorry, Sideshow Bob,Copy !req
18. but it's her special birthday wish!Copy !req
19. You're doomed, Sideshow Bob.Copy !req
20. I know we haven't had much luck
shooting you out of this cannon,Copy !req
21. but maybe that's because
we haven't used enough...Copy !req
22. gunpowder!Copy !req
23. Brittany, do the honors.Copy !req
24. Don't blame me.Copy !req
25. I didn't do it.Copy !req
26. Comedy, thy name is Krusty.Copy !req
27. Hey, kids, it's time
for Itchy and Scratchy!Copy !req
28. My!
All this senseless violence.Copy !req
29. - I don't understand it's appeal.
- We don't expect you to, Mom.Copy !req
30. If cartoons were meant for adults,
they'd put them on in prime time.Copy !req
31. Y'ello.Copy !req
32. Hello, Homie. I was hoping
you could pick up...Copy !req
33. a half-gallon of premium ice cream
on your way home from work.Copy !req
34. Ooh, premium...
Wait a minute. Why?Copy !req
35. Patty and Selma are coming over
to show usCopy !req
36. slides from their trip to the Yucatán.Copy !req
37. Doh!Copy !req
38. Anybody home?
- Ooh, I've got to go, Homer.Copy !req
39. My sisters are here.Copy !req
40. Eight carousels!Copy !req
41. We're in for a real treat.Copy !req
42. Hello, steady customer.
How are you this evening, sir?Copy !req
43. How ya doin', Apu?Copy !req
44. Chocolate.Copy !req
45. Ooh, double chocolate.Copy !req
46. New flavor... triple chocolate!Copy !req
47. Perhaps a little something
for the trip back to the cash register.Copy !req
48. What's the matter, sir?Copy !req
49. Never have I seen you look
so unhappy while purchasingCopy !req
50. such a large quantity of ice cream.Copy !req
51. The reason I look unhappy
is that tonight...Copy !req
52. I have to see a slide show
starring my wife's sisters.Copy !req
53. Or as I call 'em,
the Gruesome Twosome.Copy !req
54. - My foot, you lousy, stupid, clumsy...
- Sorry, pal.Copy !req
55. Hand over all your money
in a paper bag.Copy !req
56. Yes, yes. I know the procedure
for armed robbery.Copy !req
57. I do work in a convenience store, you know.Copy !req
58. You can emerge now from my chips.Copy !req
59. - The opportunity to prove yourself a hero
is long gone.Copy !req
60. This is our tour group.Copy !req
61. This is a Mexican delicacy called
a taco platter. Delicious.Copy !req
62. - This is Selma taking a siesta.
- "Ay, caramba!"Copy !req
63. And he had a big nose.Copy !req
64. No, bigger. And big red hair
that came out to...Copy !req
65. Yeah, yeah, like that!Copy !req
66. Well, it is a simple,
charcoal rendering, but,Copy !req
67. - is this the man?
- Yeah! Wait a minute.Copy !req
68. It's the guy from TV!Copy !req
69. My kid's hero, Cruddy, Crummy...
Krusty the Clown!Copy !req
70. Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?Copy !req
71. Krusty the Clown, you're under
arrest for armed robbery.Copy !req
72. You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say...Copy !req
73. - Blah, blah, blah, blah.
- What is this, a joke?Copy !req
74. - Ready, Mr. Simpson?-
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
75. Send in the clowns.Copy !req
76. So, Simpson, which one is it?Copy !req
77. Well, if the crime is making me laugh,
they're all guilty!Copy !req
78. - No, no! Which one is the robber?
- Definitely number...Copy !req
79. Simpson.Copy !req
80. - Simpson!
- Four.Copy !req
81. And this is all the mailCopy !req
82. that waited us upon our return.
And this is Selma...Copy !req
83. dropping off our vacation film
to be developed.Copy !req
84. Thus concludes
our Mexican odyssey.Copy !req
85. Very thorough.Copy !req
86. I'm home, everybody!Copy !req
87. - Goody gumdrops.
- You missed the whole slide show, Homer.Copy !req
88. Fantastic.Copy !req
89. Marge, you're never gonna
believe what happened.Copy !req
90. I was down at the Kwik-E-Mart
minding my own business when...Copy !req
91. Ooh, ooh, ooh, the news!Copy !req
92. Springfield's number one news team...Copy !req
93. with our Emmy Award-winning
anchorman Kent Brockman,Copy !req
94. Good evening, I'm Scott Christian.
Kent Brockman is off tonight.Copy !req
95. Why did the clown cross the road?
To rob a Kwik-E-Mart.Copy !req
96. The news story behind
that enigmatic half-jokeCopy !req
97. right after this commercial message.Copy !req
98. Wait a minute. Bart, you know
that guy on your lunch box?Copy !req
99. You mean Krusty the Clown?Copy !req
100. - He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
- Are you kidding?Copy !req
101. He's my idol. I've based
my whole life on Krusty's teachings.Copy !req
102. - Maybe you'd better run to bed.
- Krusty the Clown is behind bars...Copy !req
103. after a daring twilight robbery
of a local Kwik-E-Mart.Copy !req
104. - Krusty!
- No!Copy !req
105. Earlier this evening,Copy !req
106. the Springfield SWAT teamCopy !req
107. apprehended the TV clown,
who appears on a rival stationCopy !req
108. opposite our own
Emmy Award-winning Hobo Hank.Copy !req
109. And just in,
actual footage of the crimeCopy !req
110. taken with the Kwik-E-Mart
security camera.Copy !req
111. The reason I look unhappy
is that tonight I have to seeCopy !req
112. a slide show starring
my wife's sisters.Copy !req
113. Or as I call 'em,
the Gruesome Twosome.Copy !req
114. - Homer.
- So, the truth comes out.Copy !req
115. Hand over all your moneyCopy !req
116. - in a paper bag.
- Krusty, how could you?Copy !req
117. I know it looks very bad, honey.
Who knows,Copy !req
118. maybe it'll turn out
he was innocent all along.Copy !req
119. Earth to Marge.
Earth to Marge.Copy !req
120. I was there.
The clown is G-I-L-L-T-Y.Copy !req
121. - You're my best friend.
- Thanks, Krusty.Copy !req
122. Buy my cereal.Copy !req
123. Buy my cereal.Copy !req
124. I didn't do it!Copy !req
125. I wish I could believe you.Copy !req
126. Good evening, again, Springfield.
Krusty the Clown,Copy !req
127. the beloved idol
of countless tots,Copy !req
128. now nothing more than
a common, alleged criminal.Copy !req
129. His trial,
which begins tomorrow,Copy !req
130. has taken center ring
in a national media circusCopy !req
131. as children of all ages
from eight to 80Copy !req
132. hang on each new development
like so many Romanian trapeze artists.Copy !req
133. From his humble beginnings as
a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi,Copy !req
134. Krusty clowned his way
to the top of a personal mini-empireCopy !req
135. with dozens of endorsements,
including his own line of pork products.Copy !req
136. This may have led to one of television's
best-loved bloopers...Copy !req
137. Krusty's near-fatal,
on-the-air heart attack in 1986.Copy !req
138. Wasn't that a great ItchyCopy !req
139. and Scratchy cartoon, kids?Copy !req
140. Well, we've got
another one coming right up.Copy !req
141. But first, I've got a hankerin'Copy !req
142. for some pork products.Copy !req
143. Look.Copy !req
144. Plump succulent sausage, honey-smoked
bacon and glistening, sizzling...Copy !req
145. I'm dying.
I'm dying.Copy !req
146. But a quick triple bypassCopy !req
147. and a pacemaker later,
Krusty bounced back.Copy !req
148. However, he was a changed clown.Copy !req
149. Where his show had been
condemned by parents and educators alikeCopy !req
150. as simpleminded TV mayhem,Copy !req
151. this new Krusty devoted
a small portion of every showCopy !req
152. to stamping out illiteracy in today's
anything-for-a-thrill youth.Copy !req
153. Give a hoot.
Read a book.Copy !req
154. Krusty's arrest
has sent shock wavesCopy !req
155. through Springfield,
packing its churches,Copy !req
156. synagogues and mosquesCopy !req
157. with disillusioned citizenry
from all walks of life.Copy !req
158. I urge every halfway decent
member of our communityCopy !req
159. to gather up all merchandise
that bears the likeness of Krusty,Copy !req
160. that clown prince of corruption,Copy !req
161. and join me in a public burning!Copy !req
162. So, is Krusty the Clown about
to trade in his baggy pantsCopy !req
163. for the relatively snug uniform
of Springfield Penitentiary?Copy !req
164. We'll find out tomorrow
when his trial begins.Copy !req
165. - What kind of gun did you use?
- Did you use an accomplice?Copy !req
166. Will you plead insanity?Copy !req
167. Look at him.
His clothes are so drab.Copy !req
168. His face
is so flesh-colored and sad.Copy !req
169. And his feet, they're so small.Copy !req
170. Say it ain't so, Krusty.Copy !req
171. My client has
no comment at this time.Copy !req
172. I didn't do it.Copy !req
173. - Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
- I plead guilty, Your Honor.Copy !req
174. I mean, not guilty.
Opening night jitters, Your Honor.Copy !req
175. I would like to call to the stand,
Homer J. Simpson.Copy !req
176. Don't do it, Dad.
Please don't do it.Copy !req
177. Sorry, son.
You'll understand one day.Copy !req
178. He's innocent, I tell you.
Krusty would never do something like that.Copy !req
179. Come on, Dad.
You got to listen to me.Copy !req
180. Sorry, pal.Copy !req
181. Doh!Copy !req
182. Mr. Simpson, was that you
taking that cowardly diveCopy !req
183. into that display of
heavily-salted snack treats?Copy !req
184. Yes, sir.Copy !req
185. Do you recognize the gunman
in this courtroom today?Copy !req
186. - Yes, I do.
- Fine. Would you point him out to us?Copy !req
187. Okay.Copy !req
188. Aaah!Copy !req
189. Man.Copy !req
190. - Let the record show that
the witness... eventually...Copy !req
191. pointed to...
Krusty the Clown.Copy !req
192. These toys are just adorable.Copy !req
193. Who'd have guessed they were inspired
by an insane criminal genius.Copy !req
194. But, Dad, you're giving in
to mob mentality.Copy !req
195. No, I'm not! I'm hopping
on the bandwagon.Copy !req
196. Now, come on, son.
Get with the winning team.Copy !req
197. Hey, right here! Krusty souvenirs!
Buy 'em and burn 'em!Copy !req
198. Good people, I'm so happy
you're all here tonight.Copy !req
199. But please,
just a few words of caution.Copy !req
200. Now, we are going to set
this pile of evil ablaze,Copy !req
201. but because these are children's toys,
the fire will spread quickly.Copy !req
202. So, please stand back, and try
not to inhale the toxic fumes.Copy !req
203. Ooh!Copy !req
204. Krusty, would you please turn
your attention to Exhibit B.Copy !req
205. Tell me what you see.Copy !req
206. Which one do you mean?Copy !req
207. The one with the big "B" on it.Copy !req
208. What's the matter? Can't you read?Copy !req
209. No, I can't!
I can't read or write! I admit it!Copy !req
210. I'm totally illiterate. Now are you happy?Copy !req
211. Can it be that the champion of
child literacy can't even read himself?Copy !req
212. Is it a crime to be illiterate?Copy !req
213. All right, all right. See this, Krusty?
This is a B.Copy !req
214. And this is Exhibit B.Copy !req
215. Betting slips... obtained by this
court indicating you have lostCopy !req
216. substantial sums of money
on sports gambling.Copy !req
217. Is it a crime to bet
on sporting events?Copy !req
218. Yes, it is!Copy !req
219. - Foreperson, have you reached a verdict?
- Yes, we have, Your Honor.Copy !req
220. We find the defendant,
Krusty the Clown...Copy !req
221. guilty.Copy !req
222. Aah! I knew it!
This happens to me every time.Copy !req
223. My young friends,
for years I have been silentCopy !req
224. save for the crude glissandos of this
primitive wind instrument.Copy !req
225. But now, destiny has thrust
me into the center ring.Copy !req
226. In the coming weeks, you will notice some
rather sweeping changes in our program.Copy !req
227. Please do not be alarmed.Copy !req
228. Itchy and Scratchy
will still have a home here.Copy !req
229. But we will also learn about nutrition,
self-esteem, etiquetteCopy !req
230. - and all the lively arts.
- What the hell are you doing, Lis?Copy !req
231. I'm watching Sideshow Bob. He's a lot
less patronizing than Krusty used to be.Copy !req
232. - You backstabber, you traitor, you...
- Snap out of it, Bart!Copy !req
233. Face the facts. All those hours
we spent staring at Krusty,Copy !req
234. we were staring at a crook.Copy !req
235. Look, Lisa.
I know Krusty's innocent.Copy !req
236. Don't ask me why.
It's just a feeling I have.Copy !req
237. - Bart.
- Come on, Lisa.Copy !req
238. I think I can prove Krusty's innocent,
but I need your help.Copy !req
239. - You do? Why?
- Come on, Lis. You know why.Copy !req
240. - No, why?
- I'll never forgive youCopy !req
241. for making me say this.Copy !req
242. You're smarter than me.Copy !req
243. - So, you with me?
- Yeah, man.Copy !req
244. Okay, okay.Copy !req
245. Don't try anything funny.
I'm armed to the teeth.Copy !req
246. Bart, look, over here
on the microwave.Copy !req
247. So, I don't have a pacemaker.Copy !req
248. Come on, Bart. The tape showed
that the robber heated up a burrito.Copy !req
249. - So?
- Don't you rememberCopy !req
250. the get-well card we sent to Krusty?Copy !req
251. It was after his heart attackCopy !req
252. - when he had a pacemaker put in.
- Aha!Copy !req
253. Wait a minute.
Krusty can't read.Copy !req
254. Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read.
Can't we get off his back, already?Copy !req
255. No!
Don't you get it, Bart?Copy !req
256. How could Krusty have been reading
a magazine if he can't read?Copy !req
257. Hey, hey.
This is not a lending library!Copy !req
258. If you're not going to buy that thing,
put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!Copy !req
259. Bart, I'm starting to think you're right.
Krusty was framed!Copy !req
260. - Did he have any enemies?
- I don't know.Copy !req
261. But I know someone who would...Copy !req
262. Krusty's best friend in
the whole world, Sideshow Bob!Copy !req
263. "A volley of musketry
flamed, thundered, roared.Copy !req
264. "A profound silence followed,Copy !req
265. "broken only
by the approaching footsteps...Copy !req
266. of the Third Brigade."Copy !req
267. Next week, chapter 35Copy !req
268. of The Man in the Iron Mask:
"The Death of a Titan."Copy !req
269. Well, kids,
that's our show for today.Copy !req
270. And now, in the words
of Mr. Cole Porter.Copy !req
271. Great show, Sideshow. Switchboards
were jammed. The kids loved it.Copy !req
272. Thanks, Ed. I'm glad we've
finally dispelled the mythCopy !req
273. that I'm too uptown
for the tots.Copy !req
274. And yet, I can't help
thinking about poor Krusty.Copy !req
275. - We see your face on key chains.
- And water-action pens.Copy !req
276. - And snow domes.
- This is all very exciting,Copy !req
277. but I think we'd do well to explore
the more upscale market.Copy !req
278. For instance, Sideshow Bob
limited-edition prints, collector's plates,Copy !req
279. commemorative coins.Copy !req
280. Some kids are here
to see you, Sideshow Bob.Copy !req
281. They say it's important.Copy !req
282. Well, we can sign
these contracts tomorrow.Copy !req
283. Certainly. I take great pride
in being able to sign my own name.Copy !req
284. That's a good one. I gotta tell the wife.Copy !req
285. - Hi, Sideshow Bob.
- Sideshow Bob, can we ask you a few...Copy !req
286. Forgive me, chilfren.Copy !req
287. As much as
Sideshow Bob would love to chat,Copy !req
288. he has a show starting
in moments.Copy !req
289. Here you go... three tickets.
Be my guests.Copy !req
290. - Okay. But...
- Come, come. Let's run along.Copy !req
291. Hello, children.Copy !req
292. - Whom do you love?
- Sideshow Bob!Copy !req
293. Come on, Bart.
Go with the flow.Copy !req
294. - How much do you love me?
- With all our hearts!Copy !req
295. About a zillionth
as much as I love Krusty.Copy !req
296. Today's show promises to be a
marvelous celebration of the human spirit.Copy !req
297. But first, I regret to say
I see a youngster who looks troubled.Copy !req
298. - What's your name, young man?
- Bart Simpson, sir.Copy !req
299. Well, perhaps we can
shed some lightCopy !req
300. on your problem in a new segment
exploring preadolescent turmoil.Copy !req
301. - I call it "Choices."
- I don't think so, sir.Copy !req
302. Bart, I'm reaching out to you.Copy !req
303. So, what's on your mind, Bart?Copy !req
304. - I bet the other children don't accept you.
- True, Sideshow Bob.Copy !req
305. But that doesn't bother me.
You see, my sisters and ICopy !req
306. have been doing
a little investigating,Copy !req
307. and it looks to us
like Krusty was framed.Copy !req
308. - Framed?
- Well, the videotape showedCopy !req
309. that the thief used the microwave oven
at the Kwik-E-Mart.Copy !req
310. But Krusty couldn't go near the thing,
not with his pacemaker.Copy !req
311. Well, you know, Bart.
As much as I love Krusty,Copy !req
312. he was never one to take
doctor's orders too seriously.Copy !req
313. Well, maybe, but get this.Copy !req
314. Krusty was illiterate,
and the guy who robbed the storeCopy !req
315. was reading "The Springfield
Review of Books."Copy !req
316. Well, Bart.Copy !req
317. The fact is, you don't have
to be able to read to enjoyCopy !req
318. "The Springfield
Review of Books."Copy !req
319. Just look at these amusing caricatures
of Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag.Copy !req
320. Yeah, I guess those are kind of funny.Copy !req
321. Bart, children, this whole sordid affair
has been a shock to all of us.Copy !req
322. But we must get on
with our lives.Copy !req
323. Let's try to remember Krusty,
not as a hardened criminal,Copy !req
324. but as that lovable jester who honkedCopy !req
325. his horn and puttered around
in his little car.Copy !req
326. - And shot you out of a cannon.
- And shot me out of a cannon.Copy !req
327. Yes, we will never
forget that, will we?Copy !req
328. Bart, open you heart. I admit I
have some mighty big shoes to fill.Copy !req
329. Big shoes to fill.Copy !req
330. Big shoes to fill.
Big shoes to fill.Copy !req
331. Big shoes to fill.
Big shoes to fill.Copy !req
332. Big shoes to fill...Copy !req
333. In ancient Greece, there was
a school of thought called stoicism.Copy !req
334. Wait a minute! You did it!Copy !req
335. - Excuse me?
- Attention, fellow children!Copy !req
336. Krusty didn't rob that store!
Sideshow Bob framed him,Copy !req
337. and I got proof!Copy !req
338. My foot!
You lousy, stupid, clumsy...Copy !req
339. See that? Krusty wore big floppy shoes,Copy !req
340. but he's got little feet
like all good-hearted people!Copy !req
341. Sideshow Bob really fills his shoesCopy !req
342. with big ugly feet.Copy !req
343. - Kid's right.
- How do you figure we missed that?Copy !req
344. Get off your duffs, boys.
Get down to that studio!Copy !req
345. Yes, I admit it.
I hated him!Copy !req
346. His hackneyed shenanigans
robbed me of my dignity for years.Copy !req
347. I played the buffoon while he squandered
a fortune on his vulgar appetites.Copy !req
348. That's why I framed Krusty!Copy !req
349. And I would have gotten away with it
too if it weren't for these meddling kids.Copy !req
350. Take him away, boys.Copy !req
351. Treat kids as equals!Copy !req
352. They're people too!
They're smarter than you think.Copy !req
353. They were smart enough
to catch me!Copy !req
354. Well, we... made...Copy !req
355. a terrible, terrible mistake.Copy !req
356. It won't happen again.Copy !req
357. - It better not, you dimwit!
- Krusty,Copy !req
358. I'm man enough to admit I was wrong,
and I'm sorry I fingered you in court.Copy !req
359. I sincerely hope that
the horrible stories I heardCopy !req
360. about what goes on
in prison are exaggerated.Copy !req
361. Well, the important thing is that
I regain the trust of the children.Copy !req
362. But there was one boy who
trusted me all along. Bart?Copy !req
363. - Yes, sir?
- Thank you.Copy !req
364. Shh.Copy !req