1. The SimpsonsCopy !req
2. D'oh!Copy !req
3. Hey.Copy !req
4. Want a chocolate?Copy !req
5. Hold it right there,
Forrest Plump!Copy !req
6. This town has laws
against impersonating
movie characters.Copy !req
7. Oh, behave!Copy !req
8. "Luke, I am your father."Copy !req
9. "Shagadellic."Copy !req
10. What are you doing
here anyway?Copy !req
11. Waiting for my wife.
She has a surprise
for me.Copy !req
12. Hey, hey, hey.
I didn't ask for
your life story.Copy !req
13. Did you say life story?Copy !req
14. Things started out great.
I ate what my mother ate.Copy !req
15. And my mother loved chili.
Then suddenly...Copy !req
16. Let go! Let go!Copy !req
17. Wow. Tell me some more.Copy !req
18. Don't you have
criminals to catch?Copy !req
19. Hey, I'm working on it. We...Copy !req
20. We got an undercover guy
who's infiltrating the mob.Copy !req
21. Oh, there he is now.Copy !req
22. Hey, Pete! Pete!
They fixed the
Coke machine!Copy !req
23. Now where were we?Copy !req
24. My father and I
were never
really close.Copy !req
25. "Jack and Jill
went up the hill and...Copy !req
26. "Jill came tumbling after.
The end." Good night.Copy !req
27. Is that the same Jack from
Jack And The Beanstalk?Copy !req
28. You know, Son,
I believe it is.Copy !req
29. And Jack Sprat,
is that him, too?Copy !req
30. Say, how about
a little NyQuil?Copy !req
31. All gone. Hmm.Copy !req
32. I never found
true happiness
until I met Marge.Copy !req
33. Excuse me.
Is this Room 106?Copy !req
34. Hey, who's that?Copy !req
35. I... I don't know.Copy !req
36. Why do birds
suddenly appearCopy !req
37. Every time you are near?Copy !req
38. Just like me
they long to beCopy !req
39. Hi. Would you
like to go...Copy !req
40. She's mine!Copy !req
41. We'd do
everything together.Copy !req
42. Ooh!Copy !req
43. Wow. A '50s
nostalgia cafe.Copy !req
44. Well, well, well!Copy !req
45. I have never seen such
reckless disregard for a
wife's well-being in my life.Copy !req
46. You just won yourselves
a motorcycle!
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
47. And life just
gets more exciting.Copy !req
48. Marge, can we trade?
I don't trust these guys.Copy !req
49. We've gotta get home
before someone sees us.Copy !req
50. You know, all
this danger is kind
of a turn... Okay.Copy !req
51. Then came the day
that changes every
couple forever.Copy !req
52. The day we got
our elephant.Copy !req
53. While I wait for my family,
I'll tell you about the time
my baby shot my boss.Copy !req
54. Hey, that's great,
but I gotta get going.Copy !req
55. Whoa! There's a whole
'nother row of
these bad boys!Copy !req
56. Keep talking.Copy !req
57. It's time for
your surprise, Dad.Copy !req
58. Yeah. Hop in, Homer.Copy !req
59. Ah. The family car.
We've been through
a lot together.Copy !req
60. Get off the road,
you freaking maniac!Copy !req
61. Yeah, you jackass!Copy !req
62. Homer, maybe
I should drive.Copy !req
63. What? I can see fine.Copy !req
64. That had
nothing to do
with the bucket.Copy !req
65. Homer, you genius!Copy !req
66. Geronimo!Copy !req
67. Huh?Copy !req
68. Now before we get there,
you have to put
this blindfold on.Copy !req
69. All my
other senses
are getting sharper.Copy !req
70. Bart, you had
pizza for lunch.Copy !req
71. Lisa, you're
extremely depressed.Copy !req
72. As if.Copy !req
73. Hey, Homer,
do you remember
this voice?Copy !req
74. Kathleen Turner!Copy !req
75. No! It's me, Krusty!Copy !req
76. And you're
at the Springfield
Friars ClubCopy !req
77. where tonight
we're roasting you,
Homer Simpson!Copy !req
78. Are the proceeds
going to charity?Copy !req
79. Hell, no!Copy !req
80. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
81. We're all here tonight
for one reason.Copy !req
82. To keep Homer
away from the buffet!Copy !req
83. Excellent.Copy !req
84. That was at
my expense!Copy !req
85. What kind of
a roast is this?Copy !req
86. Now I'd like to read some
telegrams from people
who couldn't make it.Copy !req
87. First we have Mark Spitz.Copy !req
88. Who's Mark Spitz?Copy !req
89. What's a telegram?Copy !req
90. Oh, forget it!Copy !req
91. I gotta get to the hot wings
before the Comic Book Guy.Copy !req
92. "You know, Lisa.
They say father
knows best."Copy !req
93. "That's true, Bart."Copy !req
94. Excellent.Copy !req
95. But seriously, we've
had a lot of fun with
our dad over the years.Copy !req
96. Joy to the world,
the Lord is come!Copy !req
97. Let earth receive her KingCopy !req
98. Let every...Copy !req
99. Season's greetings.
Peace out.Copy !req
100. Silent nightCopy !req
101. Holy nightCopy !req
102. All is calmCopy !req
103. All is brightCopy !req
104. Oh,
that hurts!Copy !req
105. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
106. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
107. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
108. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
109. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
110. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
111. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
112. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
113. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No.Copy !req
114. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
115. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
116. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
117. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
118. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
No!Copy !req
119. If I take you,
will you two shut up
and quit bugging me?Copy !req
120. Yeah. Well...
Of course.Copy !req
121. Will you take us
to Mount Splashmore?
Yes!Copy !req
122. Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
123. Isn't this that cartoon
that causes seizures?Copy !req
124. Bart, what are you doing?Copy !req
125. Hey, what the...Copy !req
126. All right.Copy !req
127. A lot of people think
our dad's behavior
has screwed us up.Copy !req
128. And it has.Copy !req
129. But it's all worth it
just to hear him sing.Copy !req
130. Shaving
my shouldersCopy !req
131. I'm getting it
all shaved offCopy !req
132. Max Power, he's the man
whose name
you'd love to touchCopy !req
133. But you mustn't touchCopy !req
134. His name sounds
good in your earCopy !req
135. But when you say it,
you mustn't fearCopy !req
136. 'Cause his name can
be said by anyoneCopy !req
137. Max Power!Copy !req
138. I like pizza,
I like bagelsCopy !req
139. I like hot dogs
with mustard and beerCopy !req
140. I get the picture.Copy !req
141. I'll eat eggplantCopy !req
142. I could even
eat a baby deerCopy !req
143. Who's that baby
deer on the lawn...Copy !req
144. Enough already!Copy !req
145. Dancing away my hunger pangsCopy !req
146. Moving my feet so
my stomach won't hurtCopy !req
147. I'm kinda like Jesus,
but not in a sacrilegious wayCopy !req
148. And now our next speaker
is Mr. Warmth himself,Copy !req
149. C. Montgomery Burns!Copy !req
150. I stand here to expose
the criminal ineptitude
of Homer J. Simpson.Copy !req
151. Again and again he's
brought this town to the
brink of annihilation.Copy !req
152. Why are you laughing?Copy !req
153. His bungling has
shortened your lives and
mutated your children!Copy !req
154. Just look at all of
his catastrophic
nincompoopery.Copy !req
155. Poop.Copy !req
156. Get ready,
everybody.Copy !req
157. He's about to do
something stupid.Copy !req
158. Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint
you gentlemen,Copy !req
159. but you seem to have me
confused with a character
in a fictional show.Copy !req
160. Now if you'll excuse me,
my fondue is just about...Copy !req
161. Get out of my way!Copy !req
162. Fire, fire,
fire, fire...Copy !req
163. Here comes one
of our fellows now.Copy !req
164. I think I won,
Mr. Burns.Copy !req
165. Now here's a couple
that's been dating.Copy !req
166. Carbon dating!Copy !req
167. Grampa Simpson
and Agnes Skinner!Copy !req
168. Sweet Toledo!
What's keeping
that dress on?Copy !req
169. The collective will
of everyone
in this room!Copy !req
170. Excellent.Copy !req
171. You fruits wouldn't know
what to do with me!Copy !req
172. I first met Homer in 1927
in a bar in Brooklyn.Copy !req
173. Little did I know
he would soon become
Mrs. Joe DiMaggio and...Copy !req
174. Roll the clips!Copy !req
175. Uh-oh.Copy !req
176. Okay, don't panic.
Remember what
the instructor said.Copy !req
177. If you ever get into trouble,
all you need to do is...Copy !req
178. Feels like I'm wearing
nothing at all.Copy !req
179. Nothing at all.
Nothing at all.Copy !req
180. Stupid sexy Flanders!Copy !req
181. Ow! My legs!
This is the worst
pain ever!Copy !req
182. Single.Copy !req
183. How's he doing?
I don't know.Copy !req
184. I think Dad might
be a little heavy
for parasailing.Copy !req
185. Faster, Marge! Faster!
The snapping turtles
are massing!Copy !req
186. Heads up!
Coming through!
Look out!Copy !req
187. Hey, volleyball!
Can I play later?Copy !req
188. Hi, Apu.Copy !req
189. Oh, dear! You have
ruined my work,
you flying fat man!Copy !req
190. Hey!Copy !req
191. Step on it, Mom!
Dad's signaling that
he wants to go higher!Copy !req
192. Higher.Copy !req
193. Bye-bye, fishies!
Higher! Higher!Copy !req
194. I'm soaring!Copy !req
195. Soaring majestically,
like a candy wrapper
caught in an updraft.Copy !req
196. Higher, Marge! Higher!Copy !req
197. It won't go any...Copy !req
198. Higher, I say!Copy !req
199. I want to soar higher
than any man has
ever soared!Copy !req
200. I want to look
down on the clouds
with contempt!Copy !req
201. I want to sneer
at God's creation
and spit on his...Copy !req
202. Uh-oh.Copy !req
203. Lower! Lower!Copy !req
204. There goes my turn.Copy !req
205. Hey, Abe,
you want to hook up
after the show?Copy !req
206. Yeah!
To a suicide machine!Copy !req
207. Now everyone knows
Homer loves his family.Copy !req
208. I'm sick of your lies!
Secrets and lies!Copy !req
209. It's always
secrets and lies!Copy !req
210. Homer, these people
are professional roasters.Copy !req
211. Don't give them fodder.Copy !req
212. Secrets and lies!Copy !req
213. Now let's welcome
Springfield's original
God couple,Copy !req
214. Reverend Lovejoy
and Ned Flanders!Copy !req
215. Thank you so much.Copy !req
216. The Camptown ladies
sing this songCopy !req
217. Homer Simpson's
breath is strongCopy !req
218. Hey, hey!
Now hold on there.Copy !req
219. The nice people
want to hear
the real words.Copy !req
220. But, Ned,
I was singing
the real words.Copy !req
221. Oh, let's just
take it from the top.Copy !req
222. The Camptown ladies
sing this songCopy !req
223. The Camptown racetrack's
five miles longCopy !req
224. That's better.Copy !req
225. Homer's breath smells bad...Copy !req
226. Oh, those are
not the words!Copy !req
227. Silence!
Cease all quips
and comebacks!Copy !req
228. Look! You weren't
in dress rehearsal,
so you're not in the show!Copy !req
229. This can't be good
for my pacemaker.Copy !req
230. What are you doing here?Copy !req
231. Our planet
has been observing
your puny speciesCopy !req
232. since your planet
was created 5,000
years ago by God.Copy !req
233. In the name
of the Father, the Son,
and the Holy Ghost.Copy !req
234. And now humanity
must be judged!Copy !req
235. The fate of your planet
rests on one human being,Copy !req
236. Homer Simpson!Copy !req
237. Why him?Copy !req
238. Because he is the fat,
selfish epitome
of modern man!Copy !req
239. Hey, he stole my bit!Copy !req
240. Now we shall probe you
to see if you are worthy.Copy !req
241. Yep! Word for word.Copy !req
242. Okay, let's see
what we've got.Copy !req
243. It has to be
on Channel 3.Copy !req
244. Yes, yes.Copy !req
245. Oh, yeah.
That's a fine-looking...Copy !req
246. D'oh!Copy !req
247. Okay, no big deal.Copy !req
248. Stupid Lisa!Copy !req
249. You gotta build fast.
Cement drying!Copy !req
250. All right, let's see.
English side ruined!Copy !req
251. Must use
French instructions!Copy !req
252. Le grill!Copy !req
253. What the hell is that?Copy !req
254. Come on, fit, you!Copy !req
255. Yeah. That's one
fine-looking
barbecue pit.Copy !req
256. Why doesn't mine
look like that?Copy !req
257. Why? Why must life
be so hard?Copy !req
258. Why must I fail
in every attempt
at masonry?Copy !req
259. How's your father's
project coming along?Copy !req
260. I think he's almost done.Copy !req
261. Yeah. He's done.Copy !req
262. Why you little...Copy !req
263. Better or worse?
Worse!Copy !req
264. Better or worse?Copy !req
265. Much better!Copy !req
266. Lisa, no!
Your hands are too weak!Copy !req
267. Ow!Copy !req
268. I'll mace you good!Copy !req
269. Your species
is brutish
and primitive!Copy !req
270. Do you have anything
to say before we
obliterate your planet?Copy !req
271. Wait! What about
Maggie's memories?Copy !req
272. Surely the innocent
soul of a child
will redeem mankind!Copy !req
273. Sure,
let's give it a shot.Copy !req
274. Oh, there's my
sweet little Maggie.Copy !req
275. Oh, Maggie.
You're a Simpson again.Copy !req
276. You know, Maggie.
The sooner kids talk,
the sooner they talk back.Copy !req
277. I hope you
never say a word.Copy !req
278. Daddy.Copy !req
279. It worked, Mom!Copy !req
280. Maggie's memories have
shown them humanity's
inner goodness!Copy !req
281. These are not tears!
We are vomiting
from our eyes!Copy !req
282. Your baby's treacle
has only intensified
our loathing!Copy !req
283. Wait! Look at the screen!Copy !req
284. The baby continues
to reminisce.Copy !req
285. Elton John!Copy !req
286. That's my name.Copy !req
287. Well, not really.Copy !req
288. Stephen Hawking!
Stephen Hawking!Copy !req
289. Hi. I'm Ron Howard.Copy !req
290. Billy Baldwin!Copy !req
291. I'm Alec Baldwin.Copy !req
292. Wait a minute.
Xena can't fly.Copy !req
293. I told you,
I'm not Xena.Copy !req
294. I'm Lucy Lawless.
Oh.Copy !req
295. Wow, Joe Namath!Copy !req
296. That's right.Copy !req
297. My car broke down
in front of your house.Copy !req
298. It's *NSYNC!Copy !req
299. Word!Copy !req
300. This child thinks of
nothing but trendy
Hollywood celebrities.Copy !req
301. We can learn much
from this innocent one.Copy !req
302. Like Justin Timberlake's
home phone number.Copy !req
303. So I guess you
can't destroy Earth,Copy !req
304. since so many of
your favorite celebrities
live and work here.Copy !req
305. We will not
destroy the Earth!
On one condition.Copy !req
306. You name it.Copy !req
307. I can't believe
we're going to the
People's Choice Awards!Copy !req
308. And tomorrow,
the Daytime Emmys.Copy !req
309. Oh, it's Burt Reynolds
and Michael Jeter!Copy !req
310. Could an Evening Shade
reunion be in the works?Copy !req
311. There's Shannen
Doherty. Didn't you
have a thing with her?Copy !req
312. Don't go there.Copy !req
313. Ullman shorts, Christmas showCopy !req
314. Marge's fling, Homer's broCopy !req
315. Bart in well, Flanders fails
Whacking snakes, monorailCopy !req
316. Mr. Plow, Homer space
Sideshow Bob steps on rakesCopy !req
317. Lisa's future, Selma's hubby
Marge not proud, Homer chubbyCopy !req
318. Homer worries Bart is gay
Poochie, U2, NRACopy !req
319. Hippies, Vegas, and Japan
Octuplets and Bart's boy bandCopy !req
320. Marge murmurs, Maude croaks
Lisa Buddhist, Homer tokesCopy !req
321. Maggie blows Burns away
What else do I have to say?Copy !req
322. They'll never
stop the SimpsonsCopy !req
323. Have no fears
We've got stories
for yearsCopy !req
324. Like Marge becomes a robotCopy !req
325. Maybe Moe gets a cell phoneCopy !req
326. Has Bart ever owned a bear?Copy !req
327. Or how about a crazy wedding
where something happens and...Copy !req
328. Sorry for the clip showCopy !req
329. Have no fears
We've got stories
for yearsCopy !req