The Simpsons 12x13

Gary Coleman as Gary Coleman (voice) • Kelsey Grammer as Sideshow Bob (voice)

Krusty announces his retirement due to interference from network executives and the growing popularity of the big-money game show "Me Wantee", but when Krusty reveals to Sideshow Bob that all of the episodes featuring him have been erased, Sideshow Bob uses Krusty's biggest fan (Bart) to murder him during Krusty's farewell show.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. The Simpsons.

2. Oh, Doctor, I'm crazy!

3. Welcome back to America's favorite game show...

4. Me Wantee!

5. And here's that question-asking guy...

6. Virgil Sinclair!

7. - All right, Moe Szyslak... - Yes, Virgil?

8. Yesterday we asked if you wanted to risk it all

9. for $500,000

10. and you stalled for 20 minutes.

11. Yes. Yes, I did. I was told to.

12. Hey, that's great. But now we must have your answer

13. in the next 10 or 15 minutes.

14. You want some of this? Well, do you?

15. I can honestly say I do.

16. All right, then. For half a million dollars

17. which of the following is not a subatomic particle?

18. Oy.

19. Oh, boy.

20. All right, let's see here. Uh...

21. Well, I was born in Indiana...

22. so that ain't it.

23. And, uh... hmm. I better call my lifeline.

24. Yello?

25. Hey, Moe! We're watching you on TV!

26. Yeah, I know, Homer.

27. So, how's that bowel obstruction doing?

28. Homer! Please. Heh-heh.

29. I got a nuclear-type question here.

30. Well, it all starts when

31. a nulecule comes out of its nest.

32. The answer is "bonbon"!

33. I'm going to say "bonbon."

34. "Bonbon," eh, Moe?

35. Is that your... ultimate response?

36. - Yuh-huh. - Oh... you are...

37. correct!

38. Well, Moe, would you like to stop where you are

39. or try for $1 million?

40. Well... gee, I really do love currency

41. but, um, I think I'm going to play it safe

42. and stick with what I got.

43. - You're the boss. - Yes, I am.

44. Eh, this quiz show crap is just a fad.

45. Well, fad or not, it's here to stay.

46. And it's killing your show in the ratings.

47. Hey, what do you want from me? I do a kid show!

48. And it's a classic. We just want you to open it up.

49. Run wild. Shatter the boundaries. Slash and burn.

50. Without alienating anyone.

51. Oy, these facockta network notes.

52. Can you believe this?

53. All we're saying is be dangerous.

54. But warm. And edgy-cute.

55. Did that exit work for you?

56. I'd like to see it without the scream.

57. I was just thinking that.

58. Hey, hey, kids!

59. Let's hear it for Madame Mimi

60. and her Cheese-Seeking Poodles!

61. We'll be back with a sketch set in the craziest place...

62. a restaurant!

63. And... roll commercial.

64. Krusty? Yeah.

65. Quick thought about this restaurant set.

66. Could it look more like a diner?

67. Ooh! The Seinfeld diner!

68. Are you nuts? I'm on in five seconds.

69. 'Cause the great thing about Seinfeld was...

70. You're on, Krusty.

71. Ah. Nothing like a meal in a fine restaurant.

72. Ah, here comes the waitress.

73. We're losing male teens.

74. Can you get jiggy with something?

75. You're giving me notes while I'm on the air?

76. That tears it!

77. Folks, I've been in show biz for 61 years,

78. but now these jerks have sucked all the fun out.

79. I don't need 12 suits telling me which way to pee.

80. Uh, for "pee," could you substitute "whiz"?

81. I... don't know... that could upset the Cheez Whiz people.

82. I was just thinking that.

83. I can't take it anymore!

84. Folks, don't miss this Friday's show.

85. It'll be my last!

86. Quitting show biz.

87. Yeah, I know I like the area, but where does it go?

88. Get away from me!

89. Wait!

90. We have more notes!

91. Get off, damn you!

92. You can kill me, but two more will take my place!

93. I can't believe Krusty's retiring.

94. This is tragic.

95. A world without Krusty.

96. What would that be like?

97. What's on TV?

98. Nutsy the clown.

99. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

100. Well, I think it's good for a show to go off the air

101. before it becomes stale and repetitive.

102. Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!

103. Krusty the Clown's retirement

104. has provoked an outpouring of anguish

105. not seen since the small plane crash

106. that killed the Banana Splits.

107. We now go live to Krustylu Studios.

108. What's the mood there, Chief Clancy Wiggum?

109. These kids are getting a little out of hand, Kent,

110. so we're going to have to fire the time-out gas.

111. Hey, Kent, are you guys still having that contest

112. where we guess what city the weather girl's in?

113. That was eight years ago.

114. Is it Pittsburgh?

115. I spoke to Krusty about his legacy of laughter.

116. Kent, the young people today

117. they think comedy is dirty words.

118. It's not. It's words that sound dirty.

119. Like mukluk.

120. Mukluk.

121. You like that? No charge. Mukluk.

122. Mukluk.

123. Oh, can it, you tiresome tot-sitter.

124. I was the risible one in our dyad.

125. Ever watch the old episodes?

126. Oh, Kent, that's a sad story.

127. I taped over all my old episodes.

128. Oh, you know, I had a thing for Judge Judy

129. and blank tape was $3.99.

130. What would you do?

131. Those are my shows.

132. Frankly, Kent, those episodes were no big loss.

133. The show didn't really get funny

134. until we fired Sideshow Bob and hired whosits.

135. You've erased my past.

136. Now I'll erase your future.

137. Hey, hey, lights out!

138. Oh, honestly.

139. At Chino, they get to stay up till 9:00.

140. Now, Bob, I've talked to the warden at Chino

141. and that's just not true.

142. Your Honor, my incarceration

143. is cruel and unusual punishment.

144. First, my prison-issued shower sandals

145. are grossly undersized.

146. Secondly, the prison book club

147. consists mainly of prisoners who club me with books.

148. These are from the new Tom Clancy.

149. Although it's less painful than reading him.

150. Am I right, folks?

151. Motion granted! Release the prisoner!

152. Now, don't try anything funny this time, Bob.

153. I'm going to be on you like red beans on, uh...

154. Hey, hey, don't walk so fast.

155. Hey, no fair... you got long legs.

156. I got these little bitty hooves.

157. Bob!

158. OK, here's your storage locker

159. just the way you left it.

160. Thank you, Raphael.

161. Now, this is a ticklish question, but...

162. You want to live in the box?

163. Cost you two bucks a day.

164. Oh, thank you, kind innkeeper.

165. You going to want a wake-up jab?

166. - Please. - No Problemo.

167. Hiya, neighbor!

168. Hey, wai-wai-wait. Whatcha writing there?

169. If you must know,

170. it's an exquisite scheme for revenge.

171. Ah, revenge, huh?

172. Half the guys in here are working on that.

173. Well, mine's better.

174. Phase One begins in...

175. ten, nine, eight...

176. Oh, I can't wait!

177. Now, Bob, uh, your graduate degrees

178. more than qualify you to be assistant janitor.

179. My blushes.

180. But I am a bit troubled

181. by your constant attempts to murder people.

182. To be fair, most of those people were Bart Simpson.

183. Good luck.

184. That kid's like the Road Runner, he won't go down.

185. Tell me about it.

186. Hey... you know, Bob, your voice would be perfect

187. for the school's morning announcements.

188. Attention, the French club picnic has been canceled.

189. Quel dommage.

190. You're hired.

191. It begins.

192. I mean, my...

193. announcing career. That's what's beginning.

194. Good morning. Springfield Elementary.

195. In the lost and found today, we have one plaid kilt.

196. I believe the clan is "Graham of Montrose."

197. This new morning announcer sounds awfully familiar.

198. And finally, Bart Simpson

199. should immediately proceed, unescorted

200. to the old sports equipment shed behind the school.

201. Ha. So long, suckers.

202. Ring around the rosy...

203. Hello, Bart.

204. Oh, it's you, Bob. How you doing?

205. No screams?

206. Not even an "eep"?

207. Hey, I'm not afraid of you.

208. Every time we tangle, you wind up in jail.

209. I'm 6-0.

210. I'll admit that the record is a little one-sided.

211. But this time, I cannot fail.

212. Rakes. My old archenemy.

213. I thought I was your archenemy.

214. I have a life outside of you, Bart.

215. What're you going to do to me?

216. Oh, believe me, I have a plan.

217. Let's see.

218. Get job as school announcer... Lure Bart to shed...

219. Secure same to chair with rope...

220. Ah, here we are. "Have Bart kill Krusty."

221. Krusty?

222. That's the one man I would never kill.

223. Oh, you will kill Krusty.

224. During his final show.

225. And you won't even know you're doing it.

226. Watch the shiny quarter, Bart.

227. That's it.

228. Oh, damn it, where'd it go?

229. I needed that for laundry.

230. Hey, stupid.

231. You looked.

232. Yes, that will do.

233. Watch the spiral, Bart.

234. Let it entrance you with its twirliness.

235. Twirliness.

236. You are in my power.

237. I am at your command.

238. I didn't say anything about command.

239. You're in my power. Say so.

240. I am in your power.

241. Excellent. Actually, go back to command.

242. No, power. Power.

243. Look, Krusty invited us to the taping of his last episode.

244. Hello, family.

245. Where've you been, young man? It's nearly bedtime.

246. I was... I was...

247. If anyone asks

248. you were at the flower shop.

249. I was at the flower shop.

250. Oh, yeah, I was at the flower shop, too.

251. Yep, getting drunk at the old flower shop.

252. Now, to see if you will really attack your hero...

253. Yes, yes!

254. Work the groin.

255. Excuse me... could you take our picture?

256. Uh, yeah.

257. It should focus automatically.

258. It do.

259. Chief, you might want to take a look outside.

260. That's it!

261. Kill Krusty!

262. Just like you'll kill him tomorrow night!

263. Aw, it's so great to see a kid using a wooden bat.

264. These days it's all aluminum this

265. and George W. That.

266. Hey, Chief, look what I got in my Laffy Meal.

267. Oh, mini-pinball.

268. Hey, give that back.

269. Give what back, Lou?

270. Oh, yeah!

271. Good evening, folks.

272. Welcome to my final clown-cast.

273. The word "legend" has many definitions...

274. This is for Sideshow Bob.

275. Marvelous, marvelous.

276. Funny till the end.

277. Moment of silence.

278. Well, it's my show now.

279. Thank you, thank you...

280. Thank you.

281. Oh, just a dream.

282. But tonight, I will taste the sweet nectar of vengeance.

283. Bug spray!

284. Kent Brockman here at Krusty the Clown's final show.

285. And here comes out-of-work actor Ranier Wolfcastle.

286. Someone please, give me a job.

287. I've lowered my quote to $8 million.

288. Hear that, Hollywood?

289. The boy wants to work.

290. I do nude scene, I play nerd...

291. Don't make me punch your throat.

292. Always a delight.

293. And now, retiring for the fifth and final time...

294. Krusty the Klown!

295. Thank you, folks. Now, fasten your funny belts

296. as our own Chimpendale's dancer

297. gives you the Full Monkey.

298. I believe in miracles.

299. Take it off!

300. Where you from?

301. You sexy thing.

302. Sexy thing, you...

303. Bart...

304. Bart...

305. It's time, Bart.

306. Time to blow up the clown.

307. Time to blow up the clown.

308. Go. Blow.

309. And now a special treat...

310. My TV debut on the Milk of Magnesia Summer Cavalcade.

311. Let's watch.

312. Look at me.

313. I am Kaputnik, the Russian satellite.

314. Yah! The Bolshoi's doing the Nutcracker in my pants.

315. Back then you couldn't say "pants" on TV.

316. I was banned for ten years.

317. Finally, I got a second chance on Laugh-In.

318. Hey, Krusty, what do you get

319. when you cross a chicken with a beagle?

320. The facockta doors are stuck!

321. Don't just stare, Arty, help me!

322. Those lousy shutters set me back another 22 years.

323. That's good plastic explosive.

324. Now, my little hypno-assassin, your cue to attack will be

325. when Krusty says "I've never had such a great audience."

326. You will run up and hug him

327. blowing each of you to smithereens.

328. Whatever.

329. Now we're going to show you some clips from...

330. Oh, no!

331. I wanted to keep this quiet.

332. Can I embarrass this guy for a moment?

333. Three years ago, Krusty pledged over a million dollars

334. to start Krusty's Kare Center.

335. Please, stop already.

336. To this day Krusty has not given us a dime

337. has he, Francis?

338. I'm cold all the time.

339. Oh, look, it was all a bookkeeping snafu.

340. - Could I have the check now? - Now?

341. Uh, sure.

342. God bless you, Krusty.

343. Aww...

344. And if my banker's watching

345. let nothing stop you from payment of this check.

346. Ah, the catwalk.

347. A perfect vantage point...

348. for revenge.

349. Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side dish...

350. for revenge.

351. What a special night.

352. And you know something?

353. I've never had such a great audience.

354. - We've had a lot... - Poor Krusty.

355. This is your Waterloo.

356. Soon you'll be Napoleon Blownapart.

357. Ugh, terrible.

358. Oh, hush up, Leo.

359. You know, I'd like to thank God for all my success

360. even though I never worshiped or believed in Him in any way.

361. But before I sweep up my last spotlight

362. there's one thing I've got to say.

363. Over the years I've...

364. a lot of... Whoa!

365. And I've... guh, guh

366. my share of... Ah-ooga!

367. But there's only one thing I'm ashamed of.

368. "Ashamed"?

369. There was a man who used to work for me.

370. A man of grace and humor, but I mistreated him

371. and drove him to a life of crime

372. so wherever you are, I just want to say.

373. Sideshow Bob, I'm sorry.

374. Oh, Bob, you repaid my abuse with raw hatred.

375. But I need you today.

376. Oh, Bob, well, you went.

377. To Apu's and you framed me.

378. So they locked me away.

379. Oh, that sweet, funny man.

380. Oh, no!

381. My boy bomb!

382. Well, good night and...

383. Oh, look, it's a tow-headed little fan.

384. What do you say, folks?

385. - Should I hug him? - Yeah!

386. No!

387. Oh, God, a bomb!

388. I was just thinking that.

389. What happened? Was anyone hurt?

390. Just some network executives.

391. We have notes.

392. Have you thought about Dave Chapelle?

393. Destroy!

394. OK, everybody,

395. say "funny."

396. Funny!

397. Perfect.

398. Krusty, I'm so sorry about the attempted murder.

399. Will you stop with the sorry?

400. Every time you try to kill me

401. my ratings go through the roof, you nut.

402. We are good together, Krusty.

403. It makes me sad that you're getting the death penalty.

404. Ah. Don't remind me.

405. OK, where do you want to do this thing?

406. Isn't it customary to have a trial?

407. Oh, a wise guy, huh?

408. Mukluk.

409. Captioned by Visual Data Media Services