1. The Simpsons
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2. TAKE MY WIFE, SLEAZE
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3. ?
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4. D'oh!
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5. Tonight on Guinness Book of World Records-
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6. A man who holds the current record
for least amount of faces, with none!
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7. Help me!
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8. You'll also see
the world's smelliest tumor!
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9. Ew! These records used to be
real accomplishments. Now they're just gross.
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10. Plus, you'll meet a dog
who can't predict anything.
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11. Then three other things.
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12. When we come back,
we'll show you the contents...
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13. of a supermodel's stomach.
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14. What an age we live in.
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15. Oh, look at all that Sweet'N Low!
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16. Hey, remember the '50s?
Remember television, Coca-Cola and Dick Clark?
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17. I remember television!
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18. Come join me,
WolfguyJack...
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19. at Greaser's Cafe where it's 1955...
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20. every day of the year, baby.
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21. Actual year may vary,
Consult calendar for current year,
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22. - A '50s-style restaurant.
- What a neat idea.
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23. - Why don't we eat there tonight?
- Nah. We'll go next month.
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24. Lucille
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25. You don't do
your daddy's will?
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26. Ow
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27. - Hmm.
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28. Dennis the Menace?
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29. Yes. I was America's bad boy.
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30. - I once hid my dad's hat!
- Uh-huh.
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31. And another time, I accidentally
stepped in Mr. Wilson's flower bed.
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32. That was a two-part episode.
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33. I have to go.
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34. California, here we come!
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35. It is not a real car Grandpa
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36. Allen Gaines Burgers
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37. "Un-American Cheese Sandwich"?
"Polio Dogs"?
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38. It's clever how the names
remind you of the '50s...
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39. and at the same time,
tell you what there is to eat.
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40. Hmm. Hmm? Wow!
Look at this old-timey gizmo.
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41. I feel like I've gone back in a time machine.
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42. Dad, they have those everywhere.
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43. What an age we live in.
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44. Oh, man!
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45. Oh, my throat doctor says
I'm not supposed to do that anymore.
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46. Okay. Is everybody ready
for our nightly dance contest?
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47. - Dancing?
- Oh, no! You're not gettin' me on that dance floor!
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48. Don't try and make me.
If I have to get a divorce, I will!
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49. Our grand prize tonight
is a vintage 1955...
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50. Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
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51. I need a dance partner!
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52. What about you?
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53. Okay Dare to go
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54. Hey Hey Set your socks hot up and
your toody to poody
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55. Here we go with
"Mental House Rock" by Johnny Bobby.
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56. Doctors threw a party
at the loony bin
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57. You gotta be crazy
if you want to get in
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58. Napoleon is playing
has imaginary sax
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59. The dance floor's filling up
with maniacs
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60. Let's rock
Do the mental house rock
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61. Let's rock
Do the mental house rock
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62. Whoa!
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63. Wow! A '50s nostalgia cafe.
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64. If you won't dance with the doc
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65. He'll giveyou electric shocks
Zap, zap, zap
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66. Well, well, well. I have never seen
such reckless disregard...
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67. for a wife's well-being in my life.
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68. - You just won yourselves a motorcycle!
- Whoo-hoo!
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69. - Whoo-whoo!
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70. It's mine!
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71. Finally I've won the respect of my fellow m-
Get away from it!
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72. - Okay, hepcats.
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73. Let's twirl some more platters
at Greaser's Cafe...
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74. where the '50s are never goin' away!
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75. Well, that dream is over.
At least we still have each other. Right, honey?
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76. - Honey?
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77. God!
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78. Man, you're bending the hell
out of that kickstand, Dad.
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79. Why don't you just
take it for a ride?
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80. - Promise you won't laugh?
- Yeah, I promise.
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81. - I don't know how.
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82. You're kidding!
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83. You don't know how!
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84. Will you teach me?
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85. Of course.
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86. You showed me everything
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87. Oh, you took me by the hand
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88. Puppy dogs and Lincoln Logs
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89. And castles made of sand
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90. You gave me the courage
to spread my newborn wings
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91. Spread mayonnaise
and marmalade
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92. And other spreadable things
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93. So I guess you are my hero
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94. And there's something
you should know
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95. I want to make it clear
so I'm gonna sing it slow
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96. If you weren't a man
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97. And my father too
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98. I'd buy you a diamond ring
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99. And then I'd marry you
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100. All right, class.
Today we'll be sitting quietly in the dark...
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101. because teacher has a hangover.
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102. - It's like a chainsaw in my head!
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103. Oh!
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104. - Later, Homer.
- Sweet hog, Mr, Simpson,
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105. Remember to rebel
against authority, kids!
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106. - Don't listen to him, children.
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107. W-We already did.
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108. Now I can't get it out of my head!
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109. - Thank you, Nelson.
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110. - The sermon today is on John 4:.13.
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111. I think it was Jesus who said...
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112. "Blessed are those"-
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113. Oh, the heckwith it.
Church dismissed.
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114. - All right.
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115. Will you turn that engine off?
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116. Quiet, Marge.
The motorcycle and I are trying to sleep.
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117. - I know. I know.
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118. Just tune her out.
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119. And now back to your Tuesday morning movie,
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120. Oh, I don't know
what's come overJimmy.
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121. He won't do his homework,
he only salutes the flag with one finger...
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122. and he comes home every night
with other people's blood on his shirt.
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123. He's a rebel, I tell you.
A rebel without a cause.
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124. Just like that boy
in that popular movie we saw.
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125. Look what you've done
to beautiful display!
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126. Yeah, that's the life
for me, Marge-
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127. cruisin' and hasslin' shopkeepers.
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128. When will you teens learn
to be uncool like everyone else?
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129. - Never, pops.
- That's right! Never!
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130. Yeah, you can arrest me,
but you'll never defeat the Cobras.
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131. Nothing can defeat
a motorcycle gang!
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132. A gang.
That's the answer.
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133. - Answer to what?
- Hey, don't make me hassle you, Lisa.
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134. If you want to be in the gang,
eventually you're gonna have to get motorcycles.
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135. - Yeah, we know.
- Hey, Homer! Can I join?
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136. This gang's for rebels, Flanders,
not "conformos."
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137. - Yeah!
- Buzz off!
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138. Well, if I were a member,
we could use my rumpus room as our lair.
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139. That guy just don't get it, do he?
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140. My rumpus room with
the new bumper pool table?
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141. - Bumper pool?
- I'm there.
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142. The first meeting of Hell's Satans
is called to order.
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143. I move we reconsider our club name.
Make it something a little less blasphemous.
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144. After all-
we don't want to go to hell.
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145. - How about the Devil's Pals?
- No. You see-
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146. - Or the Christ Punchers?
- The Christ-
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147. I- I don't think
you understand my objection.
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148. I'm the president,
and the decision is mine.
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149. We're Hell's Satans.
Besides, I already made our club jackets.
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150. Whoa! "Machine wash warm."
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151. "Tumble dry."
Ooh, la, la.
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152. - Wait up, guys! I gotta empty my grass bag!
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153. "Hell's Satans," huh?
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154. - I'm watching you punks.
- Can't hassle us, pig.
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155. We're goin' the speed limit.
Oink, oink, oink.
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156. - Yeah, pig.
- Yeah. Oink, oink, oink.
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157. You'll make a mistake someday.
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158. And then you're going
straight to juvie!
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159. You can lock us away,
but you'll never defeat the Cobras.
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160. Cobras? I thought you were
the Hell's Satans.
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161. Uh- Oink, oink, oink!
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162. Oh, how can I be down
a thousand bucks?
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163. - Get away from my store, you young hoodlums!
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164. And what if we don't, pops?
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165. - He's got a broom!
- Let's get outta here!
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166. - Forget the pennies! Go! Go!
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167. You promised me no more brooms.
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168. I know this is not your way.
But we're in America now.
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169. They printed my photo of our gang!
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170. Carl looks great.
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171. - Can't take a bad picture of that guy.
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172. You took a picture of me
when I was asleep?
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173. Well, if you'd been awake, you would've said no!
You can see the bind I was in.
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174. "Her turn-ons include
thievery and liquor.
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175. Her turnoffs include underpants,
pedestrians and justice."
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176. - Oh!
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177. What in the world?
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178. Whoo!
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179. We're the Hell's Satans
out of Bakersfield!
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180. You're the Hell's Satans?
What a fun coincidence.
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181. - My gang's name is also the-
- Shut up!
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182. - You stole our club name.
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183. According to our bylaws,
we gotta stompyou.
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184. - Take offthat jacket, man!
- Okay.
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185. - Now eat it.
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186. All right.
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187. Hey, hey! Chew with
your mouth closed, please.
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188. Sorry.
Done.
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189. Okay, Meathook.
I think he learned his lesson.
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190. Oh, man!
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191. - Now you gotta eat that too!
- Oh!
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192. You got anything else
with our logo on it?
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193. Caps and Frisbees, sir.
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194. - You gotta eat them too!
- And some pogs.
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195. Me and mybuds
just like to go
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196. We're havin' fun
Everybody knows
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197. We don't fuss
and we never cry
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198. We just groove
takin' in the sights
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199. Me and the boys
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200. - Ew.
just me and the boys
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201. You keep it.
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202. Me and the boys
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203. I think it's great
you've chosen to "crash" here.
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204. But do you have to be so messy?
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205. Yeah. It's part of bein' a low life.
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206. Hello, police?
Can you send a SWAT team...
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207. to 742 Evergreen T-
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208. Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises
you made really hurt my feelings.
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209. Lookin' like a pig as I do.
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210. But you have so much inner beauty.
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211. Well, uh, be that as it may...
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212. uh, the gang is wanted
in eight other states.
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213. And we have a little saying
around here-
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214. "Let Michigan handle it."
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215. - Stop that!
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216. If you want some food,
I'll be happy to make you some breakfast.
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217. - I'd kill for some waffles.
- He has.
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218. - Remember the I HOP in Oakland?
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219. That's-
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220. Hey, this is a lot better than that rancid filth
we find in the Dumpsters.
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221. Thank you, Ramrod.
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222. Marge, how did you get
my acket so clean?
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223. I've tried everything to get
those blood and puke stains out.
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224. I've tried hitting 'em.
I've tried yelling at 'em.
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225. All it takes is the right cleanser
and a little elbow grease.
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226. Do you have anything thatwill get
this emblem back on my jacket?
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227. - I tried spitting at it, you know, but-
- Just put it on my sewing pile.
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228. Okay! I'm doing
another load of bandannas!
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229. Hey! Hey!
That's a leave-in conditioner!
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230. - You're done. Next!
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231. Dad, I'm tired of bathing
in the yard.
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232. Plus, I think Rod and Todd
are watching.
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233. No, we're not!
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234. Okay, bikers, that's it!
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235. Benjamin Franklin once said
that house guests are like fish at- at-
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236. Huh? They're gone!
Whoo-hoo!
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237. And those bikers saw
that hard look in my eye-
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238. you know that hard look
I get sometimes-
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239. and they ran away like schoolgirls
with their tails between their legs.
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240. Way to go, Dad.
Hey, where's the food?
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241. And why aren't I at school?
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242. Yeah. Someone really
dropped the ball here.
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243. Marge? Marge?
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244. Dad, there's a note
on the back of your head.
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245. - Really? Read it.
- Hmm.
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246. "Thanks for letting us
crash in your pad.
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247. - We had a very nice time."
- Oh, that's sweet.
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248. - "P.S. We've taken your old lady."
- D'oh!
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249. Could you at least tell me
what you're planning to do with me?
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250. Oh, don't worry. You're completely safe.
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251. None of us find you
sexually attractive.
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252. None of you? Really?
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253. I could've sworn
that Ramrod-
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254. Hmm. Did you see
that picture of me in-
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255. - And you still don't-
- Sorry.
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256. Hmm.
Well, good, I guess.
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257. Now don't worry.
I'm gonna search high and low for your mother.
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258. But just in case I don't find her,
I want you to contact this agency.
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259. "Korean Love Brides"?
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260. I just don't want to be alone!
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261. Excuse me. Has anyone
seen a woman wearing-
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262. - Hey!
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263. That's more like it. I'm looking for-
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264. Yeah, come on
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265. Mmm. Mm-mm-mm.
I'll show you!
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266. Okay. We kinda got off on the wrong foot there.
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267. Long story short,
my "old lady" was-
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268. What the- Mmm.
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269. Some people never learn.
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270. - Ow!
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271. All right, Satans!
We roll out at dawn.
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272. - Where are we going?
- To the Bikers'Jamboree in South Dakota.
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273. You'll love it. Mickey Rourke's comin',
and we're gonna jump him.
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274. You know, there's more to life
than boozing and rough housing.
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275. Huh?
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276. Haven't any of you ever had a dream?
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277. Yeah. I had a dream.
I was in this beautiful garden...
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278. pounding the crap
out of a shopkeeper.
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279. - Then-
- No, no. I mean the dream of a good job...
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280. a loving family
and a home in the suburbs.
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281. Oh, man. To get all that,
you'd have to kill, like, 50 people.
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282. No. You don't have to kill anyone,
not if you have jobs.
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283. And the first step
is an eye-catching resume.
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284. - No, I believe it's pronounced "resume."
- Actually, both are acceptable.
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285. Yeah. I did see
some bikers ride by here...
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286. with a blue-haired woman
about 10 minutes ago.
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287. Said they were gonna spend the night
at Crystal Lake Campground...
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288. Section K, Space 217.
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289. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
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290. I guess I'll never find her.
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291. And when you get
a job interview...
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292. try not to call your employer
a punk or a skank.
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293. - Makes sense.
- Oh, don't call them skanks.
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294. Uh, Miss Simpson,
I killed my pencil.
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295. "Broke."
You broke your pencil.
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296. I broke him.
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297. That's right.
And what else have we learned?
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298. Ooh! Ooh!
That, uh, violence is wrong.
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299. Excellent, Ramrod.
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300. Civilized people
solve their disputes with words.
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301. Homer, stop!
No, you don't understand.
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302. - Marge? What do we do here, Marge?
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303. - He's using violence.
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304. Talk to him.
Use your words.
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305. - Homer. Homer, stop it.
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306. We've given up our violent ways.
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307. We justwant to live
peacefully with your wife.
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308. No! My wife is not a doobie
to be passed around!
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309. I took a sacred vow
on my wedding day...
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310. to bogart her forever!
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311. Oh, Homie.
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312. There's only one
reasonable way to settle this.
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313. You and me in the circle of death.
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314. Oh! I just swept
the circle of death.
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315. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
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316. - Huh!
- Oh!
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317. - [Man ] He's got the wrench!
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318. Uh-oh!
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319. What the-
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320. We both knew it would come to this.
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321. You and me, chopper to chopper.
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322. - You know what I'm gonna do after I kill ya?
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323. Take your wallet.
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324. Never!
It was a gift from Newsweek!
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325. - Homer!
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326. Give me back my wife!
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327. Okay. Okay. You win.
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328. I don't blame you
for wanting her back so bad.
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329. A woman like that only comes along
every couple of miles.
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330. - Oh.
- Hey, can we at least keep her
till the orgy in San Berdoo?
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331. - What do you say, honey?
- No!
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332. No dice!
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333. Good-bye, everybody!
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334. - Bye, Mrs. Simpson!
- Bye, Mrs. Simpson.
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335. - Good-bye, Marge.
- Bye-bye, Mrs. S.
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336. We'll stop at the nearest town
and mail our "resumes."
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337. "Resumes."
It still sounds weird to me.
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338. Why are we stopping here?
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339. Taking care
of some unfinished business.
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340. - [Man ] Hey!
- Go! Go! Go!
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341. - Shh!
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