The Simpsons 11x4

Directed by Pete Michels

Tress MacNeille as Ms. Dare / Gwen / Homer's Cousin's Wife (voice) • Tom Arnold as Tom Arnold (voice) • Dick Clark as Dick Clark (voice) • Lucy Lawless as Lucy Lawless (voice) • Marcia Mitzman Gaven as Maude Flanders (voice)

In "I Know What You Diddily-Iddly-Did" the Simpsons fear they have killed Ned Flanders. "Desperately Xeeking Xena" satirizes superheroes of yore with "Stretch Dude" Bart and "Clobber Girl" Lisa. And "Life's A Glitch, Then You Die" depicts the upcoming horror of Y2K.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Live from fabulous Centauri City.

2. It's the Simpsons Tenth Halloween Special.

3. Now, please welcome your hosts,

4. If you haven't been probed by these two,

5. you haven't been probed.

6. Kang and Kodos.

7. Thank you. Thank you.

8. Yes, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

9. Welcome to our tenth anniversary show.

10. Oh, we've got a great...

11. Kang, what are you doing?

12. Well, you said we were going to warm up the audience.

13. Ladies and gentlemen

14. I have to apologize for my partner.

15. He had to borrow a human brain.

16. What do aliens have to do with Halloween?

17. Silence.

18. I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires.

19. But it was worth it to get back our.

20. Super Sugar Crisp cereal.

21. Can't get enough with that Sugar Crisp...

22. I'm having a hard time seeing.

23. Homer, did you remember to put the fog lights in?

24. Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in

25. I better pull over and play it safe.

26. Please be a dog.

27. Oh, no!

28. Ned Flanders.

29. He's dead.

30. He's definitely dead.

31. Oh, my God.

32. We killed Ned Flanders.

33. You mean, you killed Ned Flanders.

34. Oh, it was an accident. An accident!

35. We got to go to the police.

36. They'll never believe a Simpson killed a Flanders

37. by accident.

38. Even I have my doubts.

39. Don't worry, I got a plan.

40. OK, Ned, the first thing we have to do

41. is to make sure that no one knows that you're dead.

42. If anyone asks you, just say that you're not dead.

43. Hey, Maude!

44. Look who's helping me clean the chimney.

45. Neddy?

46. Where have you been?

47. Hi, Maude... Diddily.

48. I've been having fun with my pal Homer.

49. Diddily.

50. Oh, I'm so relieved.

51. Whenever you go on one of your late-night fog walks,

52. I get so worried.

53. Relax. I'm fine.

54. But when I do die, I don't want any autopsies.

55. Well, come on down, you goofy roofy.

56. Wow, it sure is slippery up here.

57. My pies are done.

58. Aw, she missed it.

59. Hey, Maude, I'm home!

60. Uh-oh, I think I'm having a heart attack!

61. And that's the end of that chapter.

62. Try not to look too sad.

63. It'll seem suspicious.

64. And now Ned's best friend will say a few words.

65. Homer.

66. When I think about Ned,

67. I can't help but remember

68. the look on his face

69. when Marge drove over...

70. Homer shut up, shut up, shut up.

71. Oh, wait.

72. What I'd like to say is

73. we're still looking for the real killers.

74. Anyway, in conclusion,

75. a man cannot be forced to testify against his wife.

76. Stop winking.

77. We'll miss you, buddy.

78. Hey, we just got away with murder.

79. And it was so easy.

80. No, I've never liked the little wiener.

81. Milhouse.

82. No more murders.

83. But you got to kill...

84. No!

85. Someone saw us.

86. But who?

87. Homer, stop that.

88. Who could be calling at this hour?

89. Y'ello?

90. I know you're alone.

91. Oh... who is this?

92. Is this Maude Flanders?

93. No, it's... Homer.

94. Oh, hey, Homer, it's Moe.

95. I must've dialed the wrong number.

96. Get in the car.

97. Dear God, it's Homer.

98. If you really love me,

99. you'll save my life now.

100. He's getting closer!

101. OK, Marge, you hide in the abandoned amusement park.

102. Lisa, the Pet Cemetery.

103. Bart, spooky roller disco.

104. And I'll go skinny-dipping in that lake

105. where the sexy teens were killed a hundred years ago tonight.

106. Now, Flanders, I want you to...

107. It's impossible. I killed you.

108. You can't kill the undead, silly.

109. He's undead, all right.

110. Are you a zombie?

111. Oh, I wish.

112. You see, that night when you hit me with your car...

113. I'm making record time on this fog walk.

114. Better pick up the pace.

115. Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in

116. I better pull over and play it safe.

117. So you were going to kill us?

118. Yeah.

119. Hey, foamy, I want the news, not the weather.

120. Marge, did you hear me zing werewolf Flanders?

121. Diddily.

122. Flanders stop that.

123. Eyes bigger than your stomach, eh, wolfie?

124. You... No! Aah! Ow!

125. Well, well, well, if it isn't

126. the cutest police officer in Springfield.

127. Hey, you know, we got feelings, too, chief.

128. Just dump your candy on the X-ray belt, Ralphie.

129. There's a good boy.

130. Safe. Safe.

131. Razor blade. Syringe.

132. Ooh, white chocolate.

133. Check it out, Lisa.

134. I'm radioactive man.

135. I don't think the real radioactive man

136. wears a plastic smock with a picture of himself on it.

137. He would on Halloween.

138. Get in there, you stupid pillowcase.

139. Stop it. You'll jam the machine.

140. Uh-oh. Radiation! Duck and cover!

141. Cool!

142. Bart!

143. Oh, my god! Lisa!

144. She's been crushed

145. and so have the hopes of our mathletics team.

146. Hold the funeral, poindexter.

147. "Poindexter?"

148. Whoa, Lise, those X-rays

149. must have given you super strength!

150. I wonder if I got any powers.

151. Nope, looks normal.

152. Wait a minute.

153. I can stretch.

154. Look at me! Ow!

155. Hot-hot-hot!

156. I must only use this power to annoy.

157. Now, who could that be at this hour?

158. Yes? Yes? Up? Down? Side to side?

159. What's your point?

160. I Gotcha.

161. Bart, with these powers,

162. we can become superheroes.

163. OK, so do it, already.

164. Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl.

165. He's a human rubber band and she's the hulk in pearls.

166. He's a limber lad.

167. She's a powerful lass.

168. He'll wring your neck.

169. And she'll kick your ass.

170. They're Stretch Dude.

171. And Clobber Girl.

172. Stretch Dude, Clobber Girl.

173. Tonight's episode: "Enter the Collector."

174. But I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you

175. you'll get plenty of dates.

176. Next question.

177. Yes, over here.

178. In episode BF12,

179. you were battling Barbarians

180. while riding a winged appaloosa

181. yet in the very next scene, my dear,

182. you're clearly atop a winged Arabian.

183. Please to explain it.

184. Ah. Yeah. Well,

185. whenever you notice something like that,

186. a wizard did it.

187. I see. All right. Yes.

188. But in episode AG4...

189. - Wizard. - Ah. For glayvin out loud.

190. Behold! I am the Collector

191. and I'm here to add you to my collection.

192. Must remove... my breastplate!

193. Maybe later.

194. Care for a Rolo, sweet Xena?

195. All right, Collector, stick this in your tweezers.

196. I'm not Xena!

197. I'm an actress, you lunatic!

198. Oh, please.

199. I'm not insane.

200. I simply wish to take you back to my lair

201. and make you my bride.

202. Oh, dear God!

203. Clobber Girl?

204. Thank you.

205. Help!

206. It's Xena!

207. She's been kidnapped.

208. Come on.

209. Remember, you're vulnerable to kryptonite.

210. Geez, Marge, tell the neighborhood!

211. Fear not, my syndicated sweetie.

212. You'll be preserved in this mylar pouch

213. forever remaining in... near-mint condition

214. between Dr. Who and, of course, Yasmine Bleeth.

215. I don't think so.

216. I don't think so either.

217. Your collecting days are over, Collector.

218. Stop right there!

219. I have here the only working phaser ever built.

220. It was fired only once to keep William Shatner

221. from making another album.

222. Stretch dude... Help!

223. Just a sec.

224. - Whoa! - Hey, phaser, phaser, phaser. Zing!

225. Ne ne!

226. Good night, "Retch" Dude and "Slobber" Girl.

227. Sweet screams.

228. I'm unbelievably amused.

229. Soon, those bratty buttinskies

230. will be encased in lucite

231. for all eternity.

232. While we're waiting, here's some names

233. you may call me on our wedding night.

234. "Obi-Wan,"Iron Man,"

235. "Mr. Mxyzptlk"

236. and, of course, "Big Papa Smurf."

237. What do you need me for?

238. You could have your choice of any of the women in these bags.

239. You would think so, but no.

240. Really?

241. Well, I mean, maybe we are meant for each other.

242. Growing up, I was always tall for my age

243. and the other kids made fun of me.

244. I... I always hoped

245. for another misunderstood soul

246. to share my pain and...

247. you could be that soul, Collector.

248. Come here, you.

249. Xena needs xex.

250. Got your lips!

251. You tricked me

252. with a ruse so hackneyed

253. - it would make Stan Lee blush. - Shut up.

254. Ow, that hurts!

255. Bart, just let me drop and save yourself.

256. What do you think I've been trying to do?

257. Not even Xena is a match for the limited edition

258. double-edged light saber

259. from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

260. You removed it from its original packaging.

261. No!

262. It's no longer a collectible.

263. What a nerd.

264. Lucite hardening...

265. Must end life

266. in classic Lorne Greene pose

267. from Battlestar Galactica.

268. Best... death... ever.

269. Wow.

270. Thanks for saving us.

271. No problem.

272. Now, let's get you kids home.

273. Wait a minute.

274. Xena can't fly.

275. I told you. I'm not Xena.

276. I'm Lucy Lawless.

277. Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl.

278. This is Dick Clark, rockin' down to the year 2000

279. and that was Whitesnake.

280. We're not Whitesnake, dude.

281. We're Poison.

282. I thought we were Quiet Riot.

283. It says here we're Ratt.

284. he hit rock bottom.

285. Man alive, what a stinko thousand years.

286. Blimp wrecks, teenagers...

287. Then again, we had two TV shows with Andy Griffith.

288. And 11 with Robert Urich.

289. Super freak Super freak

290. I'm super freakin'

291. Yow.

292. Oh, man, what'd I do now?

293. Wonderful. Now, that song is dedicated

294. to all you super geeks

295. who rocked around the clock

296. to exterminate America's Y2K bugs. Slammin'!

297. Hey, Homer, weren't you the plant's Y2K compliance officer?

298. Absolutely.

299. Must have been hard debugging all those computers, huh, Homer?

300. Doing what now?

301. You did fix them, right, Dad?

302. Because even a single faulty unit could corrupt

303. every other computer in the world.

304. That can't be true, Honey.

305. If it were, I'd be terrified.

306. Eight, seven, six...

307. We want to thank Dixie brand mayonnaise.

308. Whoo lawdy, what a mayonnaise.

309. Three, two...

310. That's Homer Simpsons's computer.

311. Oh, God. It's spreading!

312. Happy New... Wha...?

313. Oh, no. It's happening.

314. Ha! Wha...?

315. Who's going to clean up all those jets?

316. There goes the clothesline.

317. Well, those ivory tower eggheads have screwed us again.

318. Let's just have some milk and go to bed.

319. Hey, this milk's broken!

320. It's got a computer chip in it.

321. Everything does.

322. Judgment Day is upon us.

323. I warned you the Lord wouldn't stand

324. for your minidresses and Beatle boots...

325. I resisted these for 35 years.

326. Why did I wear them today?

327. But it's not too late to repent your sins

328. and be embraced by the almighty!

329. Hey, everybody, they're looting the mall.

330. Hurry! I got nine shoe buffers.

331. I'm caught on something.

332. I don't want you looting.

333. But I was going to loot you a present.

334. Oh, all right.

335. Yay!

336. Oh, thank you, Homey.

337. A lady Remington.

338. Well, look at the wonders of the Computer Age now.

339. Wonders, Lisa, or blunders?

340. I think that was implied by what I said.

341. Implied, Lisa, or implode?

342. Mom, make him stop.

343. Oh, no, Krusty.

344. My pacemaker, it's stuck on hummingbird!

345. Nectar, nectar!

346. I need to drink my weight in nectar.

347. Krusty!

348. Hey, a note.

349. "You have been selected for Operation Exodus."

350. They're evacuating the Earth.

351. Oh, we're saved!

352. Thank you, sweet clown.

353. In death, you saved us all.

354. I'm not dead.

355. I can still hear his voice on the wind.

356. There it is.

357. Just like the dead clown promised.

358. Wow. There's Bill Gates,

359. Stephen Hawking, Paul McCartney,

360. Michael Jordan, Michelle Kwan...

361. They must be starting a new civilization on Mars

362. with our best and brightest.

363. That's us!

364. - Name, please. - Certainly.

365. I am... the, uh, piano genius from the movie Shine.

366. Uh-huh. And your name is?

367. Uh... Shiny McShine?

368. Actually, he's Homer Simpson.

369. That's Bart. I'm Lisa.

370. Lisa Simpson?

371. Oh, you're the ship's proofreader.

372. Welcome aboard.

373. Now, before you enter you're going

374. to have to make a very difficult choice.

375. You're only allowed to take one parent with you.

376. Mom.

377. Love you lots.

378. Good-bye, Lisa.

379. Remember me as I am...

380. Filled with murderous rage.

381. Well, son, I guess this is the end.

382. But we've both had long, full lives.

383. Oh, right.

384. Hey, look, another spaceship.

385. And there's nobody guarding it.

386. Let's go.

387. I can't believe I destroyed the Earth.

388. Are you still talking about the Earth?

389. Right, got to let it go.

390. All that counts is we're alive

391. and rubbing elbows with the greats.

392. There's Ross Perot.

393. Dr. Laura.

394. Spike Lee.

395. Wait a minute. They're not so great.

396. OK, but there's.

397. Dan Quayle and Courtney Love,

398. Tanya Harding,

399. Al Sharpton?

400. Tom Arnold!

401. What the hell's going on?

402. Wait. Only that ship is going to Mars.

403. Ours is headed for the sun.

404. Yeah, ain't that a kick in the teeth?

405. I mean, my shows weren't great but I never

406. tied people up and forced them to watch,

407. and I could've, 'cause I'm a big guy

408. and I'm good with knots.

409. So, we're all going to die?

410. Afraid so, but, hey, the grub's pretty good, huh?

411. The Sun?

412. That's the hottest place on Earth.

413. Gonna work on my tannage, buddy.

414. Pauly Shore? Wow!

415. Hey, we should do a show together, man.

416. That's a sure cure for the blues.

417. Hey, turn those frowns around!

418. Oh, no, Rosie O'Donnell!

419. Come on, everybody, sing along.

420. Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley...

421. This side only!

422. Ding, ding, ding.

423. Went the bell.

424. Zing, zing, zing, went my heartstrings.

425. From the moment I saw him, I fell.

426. Don't worry, Dad. We'll be dead in five minutes.

427. Not fast enough.

428. Zing, zing, zing went my heart strings.

429. From the moment I saw him I fell.

430. Captioned by Visual Data Media Services