1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. they were the first family
of American laughter...Copy !req
3. surfing a tidal wave of hilarity...Copy !req
4. Look at her vacuum.Copy !req
5. onto the sands of Superstar Bay.Copy !req
6. But behind the chortles, this funny five some
was trapped in a private hell.Copy !req
7. Everybody wanted a piece of us.Copy !req
8. They told us what to wear...Copy !req
9. how to dress,
which clothes we should put on.Copy !req
10. The cops found me
driving on the sidewalk.Copy !req
11. I had no business hosting the Oscars.Copy !req
12. After the show,
Meryl Streep spit on me.Copy !req
13. tonight: the Simpsons,
as you've never seen them before...Copy !req
14. on Behind the Laughter.Copy !req
15. the Simpson's amazing journey began here...Copy !req
16. in the bustling heartland town
of Springfield.Copy !req
17. On this unassuming street,
two nobodies...Copy !req
18. named Homer and Marge Simpson
settled down to raise a family.Copy !req
19. - First came baby Bart.Copy !req
20. - then, Lisa Simpson.Copy !req
21. - And finally, Maggie.Copy !req
22. Eh!Copy !req
23. Nobody told us
how tough it is to raise kids.Copy !req
24. They almost drove me
to fortified wine.Copy !req
25. Then we figured out we could
park them in front of the TV.Copy !req
26. That's how I was raised,
and I turned out TV.Copy !req
27. I'd see 'em sitting
on that couch all day long...Copy !req
28. just staring at that
Hollywood Hogwash.Copy !req
29. Our favorite show was Hollywood Hogwash,
but we also loved the Dreck Squad.Copy !req
30. the Malarkeys,
Dumbin' it Down.Copy !req
31. - Sheriff Lowbrow.
- Home Improvement.Copy !req
32. But we never saw people
like us on TV.Copy !req
33. TV families were always
hugging and tackling issues.Copy !req
34. Homer kept saying he could do
a more realistic family show.Copy !req
35. Finally, I said, "So do it.Copy !req
36. Either
or get off the pot."Copy !req
37. Andhe did.Copy !req
38. Using his home as the studio
and his family as the cast...Copy !req
39. this penniless Peckinpah
shot a crude five-minute video.Copy !req
40. My Funny Family, take one!Copy !req
41. And... action!Copy !req
42. Honey, I'm home. The boss is coming to dinner,
and I need a clean shirt.Copy !req
43. I haven't done the laundry yet.Copy !req
44. Mamma mia!
Now I'll have to do it!Copy !req
45. - Dad, that's too much detergent.
- Not now!Copy !req
46. I'm busy turning on
this washing machine.Copy !req
47. Simpson!Copy !req
48. - Where's my dinner?
- Mamma mia!Copy !req
49. It was amazing how fast Dad betrayed
his vision of a realistic show.Copy !req
50. Okay, the material was a little corny.Copy !req
51. But Homer and I had
real chemistry on screen.Copy !req
52. Every day I thought
about firing Marge.Copy !req
53. You know,
just to shake things up.Copy !req
54. Homer didn't fire Marge,
but he did shake things up-Copy !req
55. - show business things.
- D'oh!Copy !req
56. He tried to show his demo tape
to the major networks...Copy !req
57. but couldn't get past the guards.Copy !req
58. Fortunately,
I had a network connection.Copy !req
59. The man who cut my hair
was also president of Fox.Copy !req
60. the Simpsons had their foot in the door.Copy !req
61. Fox ordered 13 episodes.
But would the public respond?Copy !req
62. M-E-R.
Okay.Copy !req
63. - R-U-P-E-R-T.
- You're almost there. Good.Copy !req
64. I first knew the show was a hit
when I walked into school...Copy !req
65. and a kid was wearing
a Bart Simpson T-shirt.Copy !req
66. Fox had an endless supply
of clever slogans, man.Copy !req
67. Suddenly I was invited
to every birthday party.Copy !req
68. Sometimes I'd have to read the cake
just to know who I was singing to.Copy !req
69. The Simpsons was a smash.Copy !req
70. Viewers couldn't get enough of the show's
fractured take on the modern family.Copy !req
71. The funniest stuff
came right out of real life.Copy !req
72. Son, let's go out for
frosty chocolate milk shakes.Copy !req
73. - Cowabunga, dude!
- And... cut!Copy !req
74. Dad, I've never said "Cowabunga" in my life.
Your script sucks.Copy !req
75. - Why, you little-Copy !req
76. - Hey, that's funny.Copy !req
77. - And that horrible act of child abuse...Copy !req
78. became one of our most
beloved running gags.Copy !req
79. With Simpson merchandise
selling like crazy...Copy !req
80. and Simpson Gin wetting whistles worldwide,
the money was pouring in.Copy !req
81. We were using $50 bills
as toilet paper...Copy !req
82. and toilet paper as dog toilet paper.Copy !req
83. Mmm. Ah.Copy !req
84. Convinced that the good times
would never stop rolling...Copy !req
85. the Simpsons moved out of their trademark
house and into M.C. Hammer's.Copy !req
86. Mm.Copy !req
87. We found a secret room that was filled
to the ceiling with parachute pants.Copy !req
88. I'm wearing some now.Copy !req
89. - But pants or no pants...Copy !req
90. the Simpsons were flying high.Copy !req
91. Yeah, I've seen all
the overnight sensations-Copy !req
92. Brad Hall, Rich Hall,
Rich Little, Little Richard-Copy !req
93. but the Simpsons
blew 'em all away.Copy !req
94. They even had a hit record.Copy !req
95. Meanwhile, Krustophenia
sits on the shelf.Copy !req
96. None of us had ever sung before,
but Mr. Geffen believed in us.Copy !req
97. Simpsons Boogie...Copy !req
98. Lovely to Love Your Lovin'...Copy !req
99. and Simpsons Christmas Boogie
went mega-platinum and swept the Grammys.Copy !req
100. Right. And the award for
Best Hard-core Thrash Metal goes to...Copy !req
101. Simpsons Christmas Boogie?Copy !req
102. For America's favorite family,
everything was coming up roses.Copy !req
103. But those roses contained
ready-to-sting bees.Copy !req
104. - When we come back-Copy !req
105. I want to set
the record straight.Copy !req
106. I thought the cop
was a prostitute.Copy !req
107. When Behind the Laughter continues.Copy !req
108. Byte end of their first season...Copy !req
109. the Simpsons were burning up
Nielsen boxes in the U.S...Copy !req
110. and creating a sensation overseas.Copy !req
111. Hello, Mr. Lobster! D'oh!Copy !req
112. Oh, dear!Copy !req
113. Bathtubs of money, wheel barrows of awards...Copy !req
114. fire hoses of respect-
the Simpsons had it all.Copy !req
115. - Hmm.Copy !req
116. But behind the streamers and confetti...Copy !req
117. storm clouds were gathering.Copy !req
118. - Figurative storm clouds.Copy !req
119. Oh, Homer was spending money
like a... teenage Arab.Copy !req
120. He bought me a Rolex
and cashmere jeans.Copy !req
121. I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always tryin'
to score with his wife.Copy !req
122. So when do we start filming?
Oh.Copy !req
123. Even Bart was
throwin' dough around.Copy !req
124. He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks
to kiss each other.Copy !req
125. Hey, did we ever get
that money?Copy !req
126. But reckless spending
and interracial homoeroticism...Copy !req
127. were just volume one
of The Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.Copy !req
128. - Even more harrowing were the
events of one April afternoon.Copy !req
129. The script originally
called for me to jump the gorge.Copy !req
130. But I'd been up all night paying people to kiss,
so Dad volunteered to do the stunt.Copy !req
131. Everything was going great at first.Copy !req
132. I felt like I was king of the world.Copy !req
133. I'm king of the world!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
134. - Right about here I realize something's wrong.Copy !req
135. - Yep. There I go.Copy !req
136. then came the rocks-jagged rocks,
hitting me with their jags.Copy !req
137. - the sequence became
an instant comedy classic.Copy !req
138. But what the audience didn't see
was the unfunny aftermath.Copy !req
139. Mmm.Copy !req
140. Somehow,
Homer became addicted to painkillers.Copy !req
141. It was the only way
he could perform...Copy !req
142. - the bone-cracking physical comedy...
- Ow! My leg!Copy !req
143. - that made him a star.
- This is the worst pain ever!Copy !req
144. - Ow!
- Stop pummeling me!Copy !req
145. - It's really painful!Copy !req
146. Why did I take such punishment?
Let's just say that fame was like a drug.Copy !req
147. - But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.Copy !req
148. But despite their mounting problems...Copy !req
149. the Simpsons' star continued to rise,
like a plastic bag caught in an updraft.Copy !req
150. It was such an honor
to be on the Walk of Fame.Copy !req
151. I mean, there we were with Hollywood
royalty like Milton Berle and Nelson Mandela.Copy !req
152. And just a few stars down
from the Cheerios honeybee.Copy !req
153. Awards and honors are great,
but they don't pay the pickle man.Copy !req
154. We were earning millions,
but we were always strapped for cash.Copy !req
155. One time, Lisa bought a first edition
of Susan B. Anthony Man.Copy !req
156. Her check bounced higher
than Rubber Girl.Copy !req
157. Where did the money go?Copy !req
158. Marge lost much of the family fortune
investing in birth control products.Copy !req
159. I learned something.
When people reach for their diaphragm...Copy !req
160. they don't want to see my picture.Copy !req
161. As the Simpsons' money
dwindled, their expenses soared.Copy !req
162. From the original group of five,
the cast ballooned to dozens...Copy !req
163. then hundreds.Copy !req
164. I 'd never acted before
in my life, but, uh...Copy !req
165. if the sea captain
could be in the show, why not me?Copy !req
166. I've even got a catchphrase.
Nyah! Whaa!Copy !req
167. Whaa, whaa, whaa!
Now I lost it.Copy !req
168. then, another bombshell.Copy !req
169. An anonymous tipster
alerted Uncle Sam...Copy !req
170. that the Simpsons were
evading their income taxes.Copy !req
171. Yes, I finked on Homer,
but, you know, he deserved it.Copy !req
172. Never have I seen such abuse
of the "Take a penny, leave a penny" tray.Copy !req
173. - the tax men were merciless.
- Hey!Copy !req
174. - Oh!Copy !req
175. Hey! They can't take our house!Copy !req
176. My potbellied pig is in there!Copy !req
177. Ah, Mr. Porky! No!Copy !req
178. Inevitably, the behind-the-scenes turmoil...Copy !req
179. took its toll on their TV series.Copy !req
180. - And... action!Copy !req
181. Hold on! Cut!Copy !req
182. - Oh, for crying out loud!
- Oh, man! Oh!Copy !req
183. Bart, if it's not
too much trouble-Copy !req
184. Fine. I'll do teen Wolf3.Copy !req
185. I've got fair-weather friends to feed.Copy !req
186. Dad, I want to go to bed.
Aren't there child labor laws?Copy !req
187. Who told you about those laws?
Was it Marge?Copy !req
188. Hey, you've been riding me all day.
Why don't you poop in your hat?Copy !req
189. Are you going to need us tonight?Copy !req
190. I have ballet tickets-
not that they'll do much good now.Copy !req
191. With the family in disarray,
episodes increasingly resorted...Copy !req
192. to gimmicky premises
and nonsensical plots.Copy !req
193. I'm... an impostor.Copy !req
194. - That man is the real Seymour Skinner.Copy !req
195. trendy guest stars
were shamelessly trotted out to grab ratings.Copy !req
196. If you are looking
for trouble, you've found it.Copy !req
197. Just try me, you-
Oh!Copy !req
198. But there were
bigger problems off-screen.Copy !req
199. After judging a Miss Hawaiian tropic
beauty contest...Copy !req
200. at the Sheraton
Hali'a Kalua Lea...Copy !req
201. - Bart created a ruckus on a Hawaiian Airline jet...Copy !req
202. attacking several flight attendants.Copy !req
203. While he was in rehab,
the part of Bart Simpson was played...Copy !req
204. by his good friend Richie Rich.Copy !req
205. Bart, what do you mean
you have jury duty?Copy !req
206. Don't have a cow, Mother.Copy !req
207. Fans reacted to these...Copy !req
208. - slapdash episodes with yawns.Copy !req
209. - Angry yawns.Copy !req
210. Desperate to polish
their tarnished image, the family agreed...Copy !req
211. to a live appearance
at the Iowa State Fair.Copy !req
212. Right from the start
I had a bad feeling about that gig.Copy !req
213. Or would they?
No.Copy !req
214. - Hello, Iowa! Does anyone have a doughnut?Copy !req
215. Now, Homer, this is no time
to be thinking about food.Copy !req
216. Yeah, forget the doughnuts.
We're here to go nuts.Copy !req
217. - Musically, that is.
- What kind of song should we play?Copy !req
218. Something that swings
with the beat of New Orleans.Copy !req
219. No. Something that rocks.
That's the sound of today.Copy !req
220. - Swings!
- Rocks!Copy !req
221. - Swings!
- Swings!Copy !req
222. - Rocks!
- Rocks!Copy !req
223. Sadly, this argument
was not part of the act.Copy !req
224. - I'll kill you!
- You don't have the guts, little man!Copy !req
225. Folks, we're just having a little family tiff.
If you'll just bear with us-Copy !req
226. Oh, shut up!
Always trying to act so mature.Copy !req
227. - I'm glad you make the least money.
- Oh, that's it!Copy !req
228. - Hey, hey, stop it!
- Stop it!Copy !req
229. - You- Let go of me!
- Before a riot could break out...Copy !req
230. Jimmy Carter came to the rescue
with his comedy break dancing.Copy !req
231. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
232. Come on, you!
I'll get-Copy !req
233. - the dream was over.Copy !req
234. Coming up: Was the dream really over?
Yes, it was.Copy !req
235. Or was it?
And Homer finds a new passion:Copy !req
236. dusting and polishing
mixing boards.Copy !req
237. When Behind the Laughter
continues.Copy !req
238. the Simpsons' TV show
started out on a wing and a prayer.Copy !req
239. But now the wing was on fire,
and the prayer...Copy !req
240. - had been answered- by Satan.Copy !req
241. After the state fair fiasco, none of the family
were speaking to each other.Copy !req
242. Fox put the show on hiatus
and replaced it...Copy !req
243. with hidden camera footage
from the dressing room at Ann Taylor.Copy !req
244. That slugfest at the state fair
was really a blessing.Copy !req
245. It gave us a chance
to pursue solo projects.Copy !req
246. I returned to my first love-
the legitimate theater.Copy !req
247. As a young female artist...Copy !req
248. I really love living
in this East Village loft.Copy !req
249. - Oh. That must be our new landlord...Copy !req
250. Mr. Stingley.Copy !req
251. I literally chewed the scenery.Copy !req
252. the other family members
were also spreading their creative wings.Copy !req
253. in the syndicated action
series Renegade.Copy !req
254. I f Esposito thinks he's gonna muscle us,
he's wrong.Copy !req
255. I hear that, Renegade.Copy !req
256. Let's do this thing.Copy !req
257. Marge put together a nightclub act.Copy !req
258. So the next time
you see a sheriff, shoot him.Copy !req
259. - A smile.Copy !req
260. - Good night, Laughlin.Copy !req
261. Lisa sang too-Copy !req
262. in a tell-all book
blasting the family.Copy !req
263. To prolong
the run of the series...Copy !req
264. I was secretly given
anti-growth hormones.Copy !req
265. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
266. How could I even get all five necessary drops
into her cereal?Copy !req
267. What?Copy !req
268. In that family,
nobody trusted nobody.Copy !req
269. They even brought their lawyers
to Thanksgiving dinner.Copy !req
270. So, uh, how's everybody doing?Copy !req
271. - You don't have to answer that.
- Shut up, all of you, or I'll sue.Copy !req
272. Oh, save it for your next book,
you little snitch.Copy !req
273. That's assault!
That is assault!Copy !req
274. It was the best Thanksgiving ever.Copy !req
275. I mean, emotionally it was terrible,
but the turkey was so moist.Copy !req
276. the carcass of the Simpsons'
empire had been picked clean.Copy !req
277. - But then came help from an unexpected source.Copy !req
278. I knew there was only one person
who could reunite this troubled clan-Copy !req
279. my old fraternity brother
Willie Nelson.Copy !req
280. I'd do anything
for keg-meisterJulius.Copy !req
281. So I cooked up
a phony awards show.Copy !req
282. Not again.
Time saver, my ass.Copy !req
283. When Willie asked me to be a presenter
at the New Awareness Awards...Copy !req
284. I had to think about it-
for about a microsecond.Copy !req
285. You just don't say no
to the Red Headed Stranger.Copy !req
286. And when I heard it was for awareness,
that sealed the deal.Copy !req
287. Would Willie's
fence-mending eggs bear fruit?Copy !req
288. Or would his olive branch
be torn apart by woodpeckers of mistrust?Copy !req
289. that night,
fate wore a cummerbund... of suspense.Copy !req
290. Thank you, Taco, for that
loving tribute to Falco.Copy !req
291. And now, to present the award
for Most Violent Rap Group, Homer Simpson.Copy !req
292. - Hi.Copy !req
293. - And Marge Simpson.
- What?Copy !req
294. - What's she doing here?Copy !req
295. - And Bart and Lisa Simpson!Copy !req
296. Hey! What's going on?Copy !req
297. Well, I'll be honest. The New Awareness
Awards are all an elaborate sham.Copy !req
298. What?
I knew it was too good to be true.Copy !req
299. So this whole thing was just a trick
to get us back together?Copy !req
300. Well, I'm also trying to patch things up
between Van Halen and Sammy Hagar.Copy !req
301. - Hmm.
- But the main thing...Copy !req
302. is for you folks to stop
this silly feud.Copy !req
303. - Isn't that right, people?Copy !req
304. - Hug! Hug! Hug!
- Hug! Hug! Hug!Copy !req
305. Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug!Copy !req
306. Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug!Copy !req
307. the Simpsons'
bitter past was forgotten.Copy !req
308. and now the future looks
brighter than ever for this northern Kentucky familyCopy !req
309. We put all the craziness
behind us.Copy !req
310. And now it's time to get back
to what matters- the show.Copy !req
311. And the Sunday comic strip.Copy !req
312. - Which Homer writes himself.
- So you know it's great.Copy !req
313. - Why, you little-Copy !req
314. So, whether choking their son
or poking some fun...Copy !req
315. the Simpsons will keep on
gagging for years to come.Copy !req
316. - I can't believe it! We won another contest!Copy !req
317. The Simpsons are going
to Delaware!Copy !req
318. - I want to see Wilmington!
- I want to visit a screen door factory.Copy !req
319. This will be the last season.Copy !req
320. Next week on
Behind the Laughter:. Huckleberry Hound.Copy !req
321. I was so gay.Copy !req
322. But I couldn't tell anyone.Copy !req
323. - Shh!Copy !req