The Simpsons 11x18

Tress MacNeille as Ms. Dare / Gwen / Homer's Cousin's Wife (voice) • Marcia Wallace as Edna Krabappel (voice)

After being embarrassed by a drunken video of himself, Barney vows to sober up. Newly clean, he gets work as a helicopter pilot.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. The Simpsons.

2. Ah, trash night.

3. In France, they call it La Nuit Des Poubelles.

4. In Germany, it's "Crappenfest."

5. I can't believe it only comes 52 times a year.

6. Quit gabbing and start grabbing.

7. And remember the best stuff is usually

8. deep in the garbage juice.

9. See? A new pacifier for Maggie.

10. Looky here. Cardy-board tubes.

11. Now we can have indoor plumbing

12. just like they's got at the women's lock-up.

13. They spoilt you, Brandine.

14. Sometimes I don't even know who you are anymore.

15. Ha! Looks like Milhouse's mom

16. finally threw out his blanky.

17. He'll pay a lot to get this back.

18. Especially when we send it to him piece by piece.

19. Shh. Quiet.

20. It seems I will never sell these She-Hulk vs.

21. Leon Spinks Comics.

22. Worst cross-over ever.

23. Shoo, nerds, shoo!

24. Well, this muscle shirt's a pretty good find.

25. Dad, that's a sports bra.

26. All I know is, I'm finally getting

27. the support I need.

28. Look, Dad, barber hair.

29. Ooh, Italian.

30. Hey, Vinnie, how's about a pizza?

31. I got-a no job.

32. Mama Mia.

33. Look what the Hawaiian restaurant threw out.

34. Get out of my dreams and into my car.

35. I don't remember the air in the kitchen being so wavy.

36. Good lord, that's gas.

37. Behold,

38. I am king Talkie-Tiki.

39. Hey, Flanders.

40. Can your god do that?

41. Actually, Homer, you and I worship the same god, so...

42. Irregardless, I am your God now.

43. Homer, you just can't reroute

44. the gas line.

45. Do you know how dangerous that is?

46. Do not anger Talkie-Tiki!

47. I am all-power...

48. I'll be at Moe's.

49. So I says to the cop,

50. "No, you're driving under the influence

51. of being a jerk."

52. Hey, Barney, what's with the glum face?

53. You glum or something? Huh, glummy?

54. You know, it was my birthday last week

55. and no one remembered.

56. What are you, nuts?

57. I threw you a party at my house.

58. You lie!

59. Why would I not remember my own...

60. - Birthday? - But we did have

61. a shindig for you, Barn.

62. We even videotaped it. Look.

63. Oh, that's it, baby.

64. All for Moe.

65. Oh, yeah, work the slot.

66. Show me the package.

67. Whoa... That's, that's a project

68. I'm working on. Sorry.

69. OK, Mom, we're rolling.

70. I wrote a poem for Barney

71. on this special occasion.

72. "Now that you're one year older,

73. the time flew by so fast..."

74. Bart!

75. Give me that.

76. I'm just saying that,

77. when we die

78. there's going to be a planet

79. for the French,

80. a planet for the Chinese,

81. and we'll all be a lot happier.

82. Mr. Gumbel, you're upsetting me.

83. No, I'm not.

84. Gee, is that who I look like when I'm drunk?

85. You wish.

86. That's the stage we call.

87. Professor Barney...

88. Talkative, coherent, even insightful.

89. Here's drunk.

90. Well, I'm off to market.

91. Marge, you're making

92. a complete fool of your...

93. Oh, it's just Barney.

94. Precious alcohol

95. soaking into shag.

96. Oh, how embarrassing.

97. How did this happen?

98. Oh, that. You've had that for a while.

99. Yeah, I can't really picture you without it.

100. Oh, I'm a disgrace.

101. Disgracefully hilarious.

102. You passed out before we could even give you your presents.

103. I still got mine.

104. Barney, I got you what

105. no drunk can do without...

106. Morning-after stationery.

107. And I got you helicopter flying lessons.

108. Can you imagine this boozebag at the wheel of a whirlybird?

109. He'd be all "look at me...

110. I'm a tanked-up loser in a helicopter!"

111. Ah, anyway, happy b-day, punkin.

112. So, I'm a tanked-up loser?

113. Is that how you see me?

114. Oh, sounds like a certain loser

115. could use some tanking up.

116. Hey, hey. Where you going?

117. I'll show you. I'm going to take

118. these helicopter lessons.

119. Wait a minute, Barney.

120. You got to be sober to fly.

121. I mean, it's not like driving a car.

122. And I'm going to quit drinking.

123. No, I mean it.

124. You won't see me here again, ever.

125. Wait, that ain't funny.

126. He's my best customer.

127. Well, the handwriting's on the wall.

128. To stay afloat, this bar's going to have to go queer.

129. You mean, it's not?

130. Wrong again,

131. Gay Guide to Springfield.

132. Farewell, my long-necked friends.

133. All right, world, get ready to meet the clean and sober.

134. Barney Gumbel.

135. Whee!

136. Give me a beer.

137. I knew you'd be back.

138. Santeria, you're the greatest.

139. Barney, didn't you say you were going to stop drinking?

140. I know... but it's so hard!

141. Please help me, Homer!

142. You came to the right guy.

143. I'll straighten you out

144. right after I finish this beer.

145. Ah, man, that's sweet.

146. OK, let's go.

147. My name is Barney, and... I'm an alcoholic.

148. I feel for you, pally, but, uh, you want A.A... This is triple "A."

149. Oh. My name is Homer,

150. and I'm planning a trip

151. - to St. Louis. - East St. Louis?

152. Is there any other St. Louis?

153. Ah, welcome back, Homer.

154. I see you've finally hit rock bottom.

155. Not a chance.

156. I can sink way lower.

157. I just came to help my friend Barney.

158. We all know why we're here, don't we?

159. To keep ourselves sober and to network.

160. So let's get started.

161. Well, after I lost

162. my third job in two days

163. old Gil was in a pit of despair.

164. And that's when you realized you were an alcoholic.

165. Oh, no, I never touch the stuff,

166. but you don't have to be drunk to know the value of Amway.

167. Now, this is used crankcase oil

168. which you ladies know is murder to clean up, you know

169. and company's coming.

170. Ah! You're doing this

171. at the worst possible time.

172. Ah, your finger is in my eye.

173. I have a problem with alcohol, and I need help.

174. Well, your recovery begins today

175. and we promise you all the sugar cookies

176. and secondhand smoke you can handle.

177. These sugar cookies you speak of...

178. Are they real or symbolic?

179. They're on that table over there.

180. Oh, I don't want to walk that far.

181. Anything that takes 12 steps isn't worth doing.

182. Get it? Huh? 12?

183. Steps?

184. Hey, how did I get out here?

185. Hurt everyone.

186. Did Gaga just say "hurt everyone"?

187. Gaga... cute name.

188. The Springfield phone book

189. needs a new cover.

190. - It does? - It does?

191. Send us your snapshots,

192. and, if we select yours,

193. you win a fabulous

194. mystery prize.

195. To enter, send your film

196. to this address.

197. Too quick? Try again.

198. Did you get it? Here it is.

199. Coming in from the left.

200. Don't delay. Do it today!

201. You think we should enter?

202. Well, it shouldn't be too hard

203. to beat the old photo.

204. Hmm, it's gotta be here somewhere.

205. Hey, here's a camera.

206. And it's still got a roll of film in it.

207. Man, these old cameras are really built solid.

208. Bart, we need that to win the contest.

209. Win the what now?

210. Here it goes.

211. So he's so busy worrying about the front rotor

212. he walks right into the back one.

213. Only in this business.

214. I'd like to sign up for helicopter lessons.

215. Sorry, pal, but it takes a special kind of man

216. to pilot these birds.

217. I got a coupon.

218. OK, get in.

219. Elvis played a chopper pilot one time.

220. He made so many darn mistakes.

221. We were just laughing at him.

222. Great singer, though.

223. Oh, absolutely. You know

224. who else I like

225. is that, uh, Leo Sayer.

226. Anyway, we're nice and level now.

227. How'd you like to take the controls?

228. You think I'm ready?

229. Sure, I do. One sec.

230. Testing black box... one, two.

231. She's all yours, friend.

232. Whoa! Whoa!

233. Oh! Hey!

234. I think I'm getting it.

235. Yes, that's great.

236. Now let's just pull ourselves

237. out of this tailspin here.

238. Ooh! Oh, I'm sorry about that.

239. It's OK. That's what the diapers are for.

240. Now, when the mamma bird returns to feed her babies,

241. we'll have a prize-winning picture.

242. Lisa, people these days don't want to see a baby bird.

243. They want to see celebrities at their worst.

244. Is that Rainier Wolfcastle?

245. Check out the gut.

246. It's for a movie.

247. I'm playing a fat secret agent.

248. Hey, Homer.

249. Oh, no, no, no. Don't sit there.

250. Take this seat, right next to the tap.

251. But that's Barney's seat.

252. Are you trying to make me the new Barney?

253. Hey, every bar needs a world-class drunk.

254. Yeah, someone who makes our alcoholism seem less raging.

255. Well, forget it, guys.

256. I am not Barney.

257. See, Homer? It's not so bad.

258. Now dance, Rummy!

259. O-OK.

260. You danced for hours just because they told you to?

261. If I didn't, I'd lose their respect.

262. Check it out, Homer!

263. I'm flying this thing!

264. Get it away from the house!

265. Want to go for a ride?

266. Can I, Marge? Can I?

267. Yes, go! Just go!

268. So you missed some big changes at Moe's.

269. He hangs newspapers over the urinals now.

270. You can read the sports page while you pee!

271. Very la-di-da.

272. I've made some big changes, too.

273. Can you believe I'm flying this helicopter?

274. Powerlines! Powerlines!

275. Whoops, sorry.

276. When I think about all the time I've wasted at Moe's...

277. Wasted?

278. What about our staring contests

279. and the way we always knew what football coaches

280. should've done Remember the day we jumped

281. that census guy and stole his clicker?

282. Those are all priceless memories, Homer,

283. but I don't want to do that stuff anymore.

284. Oh, so you're better than me, is that it?

285. I didn't say that.

286. Take me home.

287. Oh, don't be that way, Homer.

288. - I'll scream. - OK, OK.

289. So how was your ride with Barney?

290. I don't want to talk about it.

291. Stupid Barney.

292. Thinks he's too good for me.

293. Cheer up, Homie.

294. You don't need friends to be happy.

295. I haven't had a friend in years.

296. But you've got me.

297. What have I got?

298. Oh. Well, you still have Lenny and Carl.

299. Aw, Lenny and Carl suck.

300. Please don't tell Lenny and Carl I said that

301. 'cause if I ever lost them as friends...

302. Look, if Barney's that important to you

303. you've got to work it out.

304. Old friends stick together.

305. Like O.J. and A.C.

306. Or The Falcon and the Snowman.

307. Oh, why can't I have a nickname?

308. OK, that's it.

309. Looks good.

310. Aw, Bart, the bulldog didn't ante.

311. OK, on three.

312. One, two...

313. Perfect! Phone book cover, here I come!

314. Hey! No fair!

315. Oh, we'll never get a good picture.

316. Hey, why don't we dump spaghetti on Maggie's head?

317. That picture's a cliche.

318. Picture?

319. Hey, Apu, you got any of those potato chips

320. that give you diarrhea?

321. I need to do a little spring cleaning.

322. They're in the safety cabinet. I'll get the key.

323. Oh, hello, Homer.

324. Barney.

325. Beer, huh?

326. That's right.

327. Enjoy.

328. - That, I will. - Then we agree.

329. You keep thinking that.

330. - I will. - Me, too.

331. - Good day then. - Good day, then is right.

332. - Ta. - Ta-ta.

333. Hey, you did not pay for that beer!

334. Boy, you can see everything

335. from Mount Springfield...

336. The squidport, the old monorail...

337. The play-doh factory.

338. Crescent moon! Crescent moon!

339. Come on, Springfield.

340. Sparkle for me, baby.

341. That's it.

342. Heads up!

343. Bart, that's hot.

344. I said, "Heads up."

345. Lenny, Carl, I know a lot of people badmouth you

346. and focus on how you suck, but not me.

347. To me, you're true blue.

348. Aw, thanks, big guy.

349. Now dance, Rummy!

350. OK.

351. Hiya, Moe.

352. Well, if it isn't little.

353. Miss I'm-not-wasting-my-life-anymore...

354. Which he is.

355. Moe, I've come here to make amends

356. for my disgraceful behavior over the last 20 years.

357. No, that's OK, Barn.

358. No, it's not OK.

359. I broke barstools,

360. befouled your broom closet

361. and made sweet love to your pool table

362. which I then befouled.

363. Well, that would explain the drop-off in play.

364. This is a Channel Six news bulletin.

365. Fire has broken out on Mount Springfield

366. trapping two youngsters and their camera.

367. Oh, no! That's Bart and Lisa!

368. Unfortunately, fire trucks are unavailable to fight the blaze

369. as they're all being used to film the new Burt Reynolds movie.

370. Fireball and Mudflap.

371. I caught up with Burt on the set.

372. So, Burt, tell us a little

373. about Fireball and Mudflap.

374. Well, I play Jerry "Fireball" mudflap,

375. a feisty supreme court justice

376. who's searching for his birth-mother

377. while competing in a cross-country fire truck race.

378. It's garbage.

379. Barney, you got to fly us up there and save my kids!

380. I can't.

381. I've never flown solo.

382. Barney, the call is from heroism.

383. Will you accept the charges?

384. Where you going? The fire's that way!

385. I know, I know!

386. I haven't learned right turns yet.

387. Aah! Look out!

388. I can't do this.

389. My nerves are shot.

390. Beer! That's what I need!

391. Barney, no, don't!

392. Yes, I need it!

393. No! You've got to be sober for this.

394. Give me that!

395. Ew, it's warm.

396. You can't drink them all!

397. Oh, yes, I can.

398. Give me that!

399. I won't let you give up now when you've worked so hard

400. to be the greatest pal

401. in the world.

402. I love you.

403. Let's not lose touch after graduation.

404. You brave man.

405. You took six silver bullets for me.

406. Stay away from my wife!

407. Looks like it's up to me.

408. We should be safe up here.

409. I'm pretty sure fires can't climb trees.

410. Dad!

411. Hi, kids!

412. Hang on!

413. I'll throw you a ladder!

414. Get off! Get off!

415. Dad, help!

416. All right, I'm coming!

417. Whoa!

418. Let me know if you're going to do that again, Homer.

419. You did it, Dad.

420. You can't prove I did it.

421. No, you saved our lives.

422. I could do a lot of things if I had some money.

423. What?

424. Now there's a picture.

425. Kids!

426. The new phone books are here

427. and your picture's on the cover!

428. - All right! - Wow, cool!

429. Let me see!

430. Isn't it adorable?

431. I guess some baby pictures were on that old roll of film.

432. Aw, we'll be the laughingstock of the whole town.

433. Well, at least we won the bike.

434. Actually, I took the picture.

435. So I gave my prize to the orphanage.

436. - What? - How could you?

437. Just kidding.

438. I would never do that.

439. Well, I'm glad we're friends again.

440. Yeah.

441. So what do you call this stuff?

442. A double tall mocha latte.

443. It's not bad.

444. Well, it ain't beer.

445. But at least I got that monkey off my back.

446. Nobody gets away from Moe.

447. Nobody.

448. Captioned by Visual Data Media Services