1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. Hmm.Copy !req
3. Hmm.Copy !req
4. So I said to that nurse,Copy !req
5. "You can take your free
tetanus shot and shove it."Copy !req
6. Well, you told her, Dad.Copy !req
7. You better... believe I did.Copy !req
8. Ahh! Ohh.Copy !req
9. You still haven't told us
why Lenny bit you.Copy !req
10. Well, I really gave him
no choice, you see.Copy !req
11. Lousy, meat-eating scum.Copy !req
12. Huh?Copy !req
13. Not you.Copy !req
14. I'm going over to protest
this disgusting new restaurantCopy !req
15. called The Slaughterhouse.Copy !req
16. It's decorated
with hanging steer carcassesCopy !req
17. and a fountain of blood.Copy !req
18. Oh, I heard about that place
on The Red Grocer.Copy !req
19. The worst part is,
you pick out your own cowCopy !req
20. and they kill it
right in front of you.Copy !req
21. Well, maybe the animals
don't mind, honey.Copy !req
22. They might enjoy being
the center of attention.Copy !req
23. I think I read somewhere
that cows like being killed.Copy !req
24. Wait. There's a place
like that in Springfield?Copy !req
25. Then why are we eating
this crap?Copy !req
26. Come on, everybody.Copy !req
27. We're going
to The Slaughterhouse.Copy !req
28. You didn't need
to knock the food on the floor.Copy !req
29. Didn't I?Copy !req
30. Wow, it's even more wonderfulCopy !req
31. than Lisa said.Copy !req
32. Oh, whoa,Copy !req
33. a complimentary
basket of hooves.Copy !req
34. Hmm. Beef salad,
beef on the cob,Copy !req
35. beef-fried beef.Copy !req
36. Is there anything on the menu
that isn't meat?Copy !req
37. Ha. Not likely.Copy !req
38. Cool. Even this menu
is made of meat.Copy !req
39. It's an entire chicken
pounded flat.Copy !req
40. How clever.Copy !req
41. The kids' menu's on the beak.Copy !req
42. Hmm. I think I'll take...Copy !req
43. oh, that one.Copy !req
44. No, he's a bit listless,
isn't he?Copy !req
45. Give me...
Oh, that spirited fellow.Copy !req
46. Ooh. He didn't put up
much of a fight.Copy !req
47. Why don't you pick one for me?Copy !req
48. On second thought,Copy !req
49. I'll just have a glass of milk.Copy !req
50. From that cow.Copy !req
51. Wait a minute. Is this
the biggest steak you've got?Copy !req
52. Seventy-two ounces?Copy !req
53. I thought this was supposed
to be a steak house,Copy !req
54. not a little
girlie, underpantsy,Copy !req
55. pink doily, tea-party place.Copy !req
56. Well, there is one steakCopy !req
57. that's only available
by special request.Copy !req
58. Uh. We call it,
uh, sir loin-a-lot.Copy !req
59. It's, uh, the size
of a boogie board.Copy !req
60. Ooh, I'll have that one.Copy !req
61. And to drink... meatballs.Copy !req
62. Very good, sir.Copy !req
63. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
64. this brave man has accepted
the sir loin-a-lot challenge.Copy !req
65. He will pit his stomach
against 16 poundsCopy !req
66. of indomitable tenderloin.Copy !req
67. They like me because I'm brave.Copy !req
68. Only two people have ever
finished the whole thing.Copy !req
69. Uh, if you want
some friendly advice, pal,Copy !req
70. I wouldn't tackle
the big one right away.Copy !req
71. Oh, yeah?
What do you know about it?Copy !req
72. Hmm.Copy !req
73. It's you!Copy !req
74. You're him. You're Tony Randall.Copy !req
75. Heh. Red Barclay's my name.Copy !req
76. I'm a trucker and I've eaten
steaks from coast to coastCopy !req
77. with taters and toast.Copy !req
78. Take my advice,Copy !req
79. this one's not for greenhorns.Copy !req
80. Greenhorns?Copy !req
81. Who's a greenhorn?Copy !req
82. What's a greenhorn?Copy !req
83. It's an insult. Sock him, Dad.
Sock everybody.Copy !req
84. Oh, you're just jealous
'cause you don't haveCopy !req
85. the belly for it anymore,
Mr. No-belly.Copy !req
86. Mr. Hasn't-got-a-belly.Copy !req
87. Well, I have just finished
a whole lamb,Copy !req
88. but, uh, I reckon
I could take you to school.Copy !req
89. You're on, boy.Copy !req
90. Is it safe to eat
that much food, Dr. Hibbert?Copy !req
91. You know, I wouldn't
have thought soCopy !req
92. before I bought 12%
of this restaurant,Copy !req
93. but now I feel
a balanced diet can includeCopy !req
94. the occasional eating contest.Copy !req
95. But what if he chokes?Copy !req
96. Oh-ho-ho-ho! Not to worry.Copy !req
97. We have the latest
Heimlich machine.Copy !req
98. On your left,Copy !req
99. the pride of the American
trucking industry,Copy !req
100. reliable Red Barclay.Copy !req
101. And on your right,
Homer somebody.Copy !req
102. - Go, Dad! Go, go, go!
- Yeah! Come on, Homie!Copy !req
103. Gluttons to your marks,Copy !req
104. - and Gorge!Copy !req
105. Chew! Chew! Chew!Copy !req
106. Chew! Chew! Chew!Copy !req
107. No, Homer!
Don't fill up on bread!Copy !req
108. Huh? Oh, right. The steak.Copy !req
109. Come on, Dad, pick up the pace.Copy !req
110. Chew and swallow. No savoring.Copy !req
111. Must eat beef.Copy !req
112. Must defeat guy I just met.Copy !req
113. So much steak.Copy !req
114. Lungs filling.Copy !req
115. Sinuses packed with meat.Copy !req
116. Oh, come on, Dad,
just 12 more pounds.Copy !req
117. Oh, humans are so ridiculous.Copy !req
118. He's not even
halfway through Walter,Copy !req
119. and he's already hallucinating.Copy !req
120. Lousy drunks!Copy !req
121. I'll show them!Copy !req
122. What's happening to me?Copy !req
123. There's still food,
but I don't want to eat it.Copy !req
124. I've become everything
I've ever hated.Copy !req
125. Winner and still champion,Copy !req
126. reliable Red Barclay.Copy !req
127. My hat's off to you, Red.Copy !req
128. You're a true American heroCopy !req
129. and you did it
with style and dignity.Copy !req
130. and, hey, you're not breathing.Copy !req
131. Don't people usually breathe?Copy !req
132. - This man is dead.Copy !req
133. Looks to me like beef poisoning.Copy !req
134. Probably
from some other restaurant.Copy !req
135. You'd better take
one of these, too.Copy !req
136. He's eaten quite a lot.Copy !req
137. There goes the finest trucker
who ever lived.Copy !req
138. He called me greenhorn.Copy !req
139. I called him Tony Randall.Copy !req
140. It was this thing we had.Copy !req
141. In 38 years,
he never missed a shipment.Copy !req
142. But I guess this is one delivery
old Red won't be making.Copy !req
143. Oh, yes, he will.Copy !req
144. And on time, too.Copy !req
145. Oh, no. Homer, no.Copy !req
146. I've got to, honey.Copy !req
147. I owe it to old RedCopy !req
148. as both his friend
and his killer.Copy !req
149. I want to go with you, Dad.Copy !req
150. Don't you have school?Copy !req
151. - Don't you have work?
- Ah, touché.Copy !req
152. Bye, Marge.Copy !req
153. Aren't you going to say bye?Copy !req
154. Good-bye, Homer.Copy !req
155. That didn't sound
like you meant it.Copy !req
156. Oh, all right.
Good-bye, sweetheart.Copy !req
157. Have a nice trip.Copy !req
158. That's more like it.Copy !req
159. So long, suckers!Copy !req
160. Why you got to...Copy !req
161. Come on.Copy !req
162. Ah. Now I'm getting
the hang of this thing.Copy !req
163. I don't know why I didn't
become a trucker before.Copy !req
164. Well, you're not really
a trucker now.Copy !req
165. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
166. My left arm says different.Copy !req
167. Well, according
to Red's schedule,Copy !req
168. we have to make it
to Atlanta in three days.Copy !req
169. Piece of cake.Copy !req
170. Just need a little
truck-driving music.Copy !req
171. Yeah.Copy !req
172. The open road.Copy !req
173. Ahh, that little punk.Copy !req
174. I'll teach him some manners.Copy !req
175. - No, Dad,Copy !req
176. he wants you
to blow your horn.Copy !req
177. Oh.Copy !req
178. That little punk!Copy !req
179. Lisa, we got another postcard
from your father.Copy !req
180. "Wish you were her."Copy !req
181. How many of these
is he going to send me?Copy !req
182. Wow, Dad and Bart
have been everywhere.Copy !req
183. They've eaten
submarine sandwiches,Copy !req
184. grinders, and hoagies.Copy !req
185. It's not fair.Copy !req
186. Your father always gets to have
such exciting adventures.Copy !req
187. Maybe it's timeCopy !req
188. we took a walk on the wild side.Copy !req
189. We're buying a new doorbell?Copy !req
190. A musical doorbell.Copy !req
191. So many doorbells!Copy !req
192. I'm in way over my head.Copy !req
193. Oh...Copy !req
194. Great. Look at my shoesCopy !req
195. and today's my evaluation
with senor ding-dong.Copy !req
196. Excuse me, Mr... Trainee.Copy !req
197. I'm trying to find
a musical doorbell.Copy !req
198. Well, you came
to the right place.Copy !req
199. We got your ding-dang-dongsCopy !req
200. and your do-re-misCopy !req
201. and your, uh, ha-cha-chas, huh?Copy !req
202. I'm trying to find
a particular tune.Copy !req
203. It's the one that goes like...Copy !req
204. Mom, is this the one you want?Copy !req
205. Yes, that's it!Copy !req
206. Lisa, you ought to be
a doorbell salesman.Copy !req
207. Oh, that's just what I need,Copy !req
208. another piranha in the tank.Copy !req
209. A little more
high test, darlin'?Copy !req
210. Sure thing, Gwen.Copy !req
211. I'll be right back
with your pie, hon.Copy !req
212. Ah, that's a nice, friendly gal.Copy !req
213. - Yeah.
- Wouldn't it be greatCopy !req
214. to live right here
at the truck stop?Copy !req
215. Watching all the people
come and go.Copy !req
216. You could have a different
best friend every day.Copy !req
217. I suppose.Copy !req
218. Great. Now write your motherCopy !req
219. and tell her
the marriage is offCopy !req
220. and then
when the paperwork is done,Copy !req
221. I'll make Gwen my wife.Copy !req
222. Will that be all, sweetie?Copy !req
223. For now.Copy !req
224. The light's on.Copy !req
225. All systems are ding-dong.Copy !req
226. Come on, Mom.
Let's take it for a test drive.Copy !req
227. Oh, it's not a toy, Lisa.Copy !req
228. We'll just have to wait
until someone comes.Copy !req
229. Anyone? Anyone at all?Copy !req
230. Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds
and he's coming this way...Copy !req
231. Oh, the birds got him.Copy !req
232. Not the face!Copy !req
233. If your father was here,
there'd be process servers,Copy !req
234. repo men, and bounty hunters
to beat the band.Copy !req
235. Wait! People are coming!Copy !req
236. I think
they're Jehovah's witnesses!Copy !req
237. Yes!Copy !req
238. Wait, Marlon.
You know, I just had a thought.Copy !req
239. Maybe we're bothering peopleCopy !req
240. by trying to change
their religion.Copy !req
241. What if we don't have
all the answers?Copy !req
242. You're right, Noreen.Copy !req
243. Let's go get real jobs.Copy !req
244. I would have feigned interest.Copy !req
245. Still no visitors.Copy !req
246. It's time we opened up a can
of whup-tushy on this situation.Copy !req
247. What's the number for Luigi's?Copy !req
248. Dad's got it on the speed dial
under "fire."Copy !req
249. This is it, honey.Copy !req
250. We did it.Copy !req
251. - Damn it!Copy !req
252. Ring the bell!Copy !req
253. Why? You already know
I'm here, don't you?Copy !req
254. Just do it.Copy !req
255. Nothing doing, missy.Copy !req
256. Now, do you want your half-order
of garlic bread or not?Copy !req
257. No, but if you'll
just ring the...Copy !req
258. - Hmm.Copy !req
259. Oh, that's it.
I'm putting an end to this.Copy !req
260. Lisa, no, no, don't!
It won't be the...Copy !req
261. Oh...Copy !req
262. It's heavenly.Copy !req
263. Why is it playing over again?Copy !req
264. Who cares?Copy !req
265. No one could ever
get sick of this song.Copy !req
266. Hey, get that truck
out of here.Copy !req
267. You mean,
it ate Patrick, too?Copy !req
268. It ate everybody.Copy !req
269. What about Erika?Copy !req
270. It ate everybody!
- It ate everybody!Copy !req
271. Stupid!Copy !req
272. I bet old Red caught himselfCopy !req
273. a mess of catfish
with these fishing sticks.Copy !req
274. Uh-huh. Bet he used bait, too.Copy !req
275. Relax, boy.
We're ahead of schedule.Copy !req
276. Actually, we have to go
2,200 miles in ten hours.Copy !req
277. Ten hours? We got to roll!Copy !req
278. Uh, yeah, I need somethingCopy !req
279. that'll keep me awake,
alert, and recklessCopy !req
280. all night long.Copy !req
281. Well, congress is racing
back to WashingtonCopy !req
282. - to outlaw these.
- Sold!Copy !req
283. Hey, you can't take
that many pep pills at once.Copy !req
284. No problem. I'll balance it outCopy !req
285. with a bottle of sleeping pills.Copy !req
286. OK, we're all set. Let's put
the pedal to the metal!Copy !req
287. I wholeheartedly agree.Copy !req
288. Oh, man, I'm really wired.
This is a big mistake.Copy !req
289. I can... Oh...Copy !req
290. Here comes the sleeping pills.Copy !req
291. So drowsy.Copy !req
292. Pep pills perking up again.Copy !req
293. I could drive all...Copy !req
294. night.Copy !req
295. I fell asleep at the wheel!Copy !req
296. But we didn't crash.Copy !req
297. It's a miracle.Copy !req
298. You'll never believe
what happened.Copy !req
299. I fell asleep at the wheelCopy !req
300. and the truck
drove here by itself.Copy !req
301. Yeah, that Navitron
Auto-Drive system'sCopy !req
302. made our jobs cushier than ever.Copy !req
303. - The what, now?
- You know, this thing.Copy !req
304. With this baby driving
your truck for you,Copy !req
305. all you got to do is sit back
and feel your ass grow.Copy !req
306. The trucks drive themselves?Copy !req
307. Shh... Hey, hey, hey, shh...Copy !req
308. Didn't your union rep tell you
about the scam we got going?Copy !req
309. Oh, I'm not really a trucker,Copy !req
310. so I don't talk
to the rep that often.Copy !req
311. All right, listen, pal,
here's the deal,Copy !req
312. you stumbled on a secretCopy !req
313. that only truck drivers
are supposed to know.Copy !req
314. Hey, pay attentionCopy !req
315. and stop looking
at that squirrel.Copy !req
316. We get 40 bucks an hour
to drive these rigs.Copy !req
317. You think anybody'd hire usCopy !req
318. if they knew we weren't really
driving the trucks?Copy !req
319. Wow!Copy !req
320. You guys
are even lazier than me!Copy !req
321. Well, don't worry.Copy !req
322. I'll keep your secret.Copy !req
323. See that you do.Copy !req
324. Hey, Bart, watch me
run down this old lady.Copy !req
325. Dad, no!Copy !req
326. The second I let go
of the wheel,Copy !req
327. this little wonder kicks in.Copy !req
328. And if scaring old ladiesCopy !req
329. don't float your boat,
watch this.Copy !req
330. Come on out, boy!Copy !req
331. It's windy!Copy !req
332. Wow, you're right, Dad!Copy !req
333. It is windy!Copy !req
334. Hey, look, nobody's driving!Copy !req
335. - Well, will wonders never cease?
- What's that?Copy !req
336. Relax, everybody.Copy !req
337. The Navitron Auto-Drive systemCopy !req
338. is driving the truck for me.Copy !req
339. But keep it a secret.Copy !req
340. It's a big scam, OK?Copy !req
341. What the hell?Copy !req
342. Breaker, breaker,Copy !req
343. looks like we got us a 10-38.Copy !req
344. Uh, 10-38.Copy !req
345. Uh, let's see.Copy !req
346. Uh, "Outsider blabbing
about auto-drive system."Copy !req
347. Well, we'll have to teach
our friend some discretion.Copy !req
348. Yeah, just like we did
to Jimmy Hoffa.Copy !req
349. - Hey, shut up!Copy !req
350. Calling all big rigs.Copy !req
351. Motormouth on highway seven.Copy !req
352. You know what to do.Copy !req
353. - 10-4.
That's a big 10-4.Copy !req
354. - Mom, I need to get some sleep.Copy !req
355. I have a test tomorrow
in birds suddenly appear.Copy !req
356. I mean, English.Copy !req
357. OK, OK, let me just get
the wire cutters.Copy !req
358. Oh...Copy !req
359. Your father traded our tools
for M&M's again.Copy !req
360. Oh, the heck with it.Copy !req
361. Look, son.Copy !req
362. It's one of nature's
most beautiful sights,Copy !req
363. the convoy.Copy !req
364. He hit us.Copy !req
365. Oh, I should've known.Copy !req
366. They're hazing usCopy !req
367. to initiate us into
the truckers' fraternity.Copy !req
368. - Thank you, sir.Copy !req
369. May I have another?Copy !req
370. Dad, they're trying to kill us.Copy !req
371. Oh, why do all my trips
end like this?Copy !req
372. Eat water, good buddy.Copy !req
373. Whoa, look at him roll!Copy !req
374. Oh, my good knife!Copy !req
375. My wife's going to kill me.Copy !req
376. I think
we lost 'em, Bart.Copy !req
377. Dad, stop!Copy !req
378. Uh-oh.Copy !req
379. Well, well, well.Copy !req
380. Looks like we got ourselvesCopy !req
381. a showdown, boy.Copy !req
382. - All right.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
383. I'm keeping a promise
to an American roadmaster.Copy !req
384. - Huh?
- Red.Copy !req
385. The trucker.Copy !req
386. Big fat guy,
couldn't handle his steak?Copy !req
387. - Oh, yeah.
- We'll get pastCopy !req
388. that barrier somehow.Copy !req
389. Ol' Blinky here will find a way.Copy !req
390. I'm afraid
I can't let you do this, Red.Copy !req
391. The risk is unacceptable.Copy !req
392. I'm not Red. I'm Homer.Copy !req
393. Got to go.
- Uh-ohCopy !req
394. Dad, do something.Copy !req
395. Something better!Copy !req
396. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
397. Now that man is a genuineCopy !req
398. steel-belted, gear-jamming
rig jockey.Copy !req
399. - That's a fact.
- Boy howdy!Copy !req
400. - Boy, you can say that again.
- Yeah.Copy !req
401. You know, boys,
I've been thinking.Copy !req
402. Maybe it's time we ditched
the high-tech gizmosCopy !req
403. and went back to driving
like our daddies did.Copy !req
404. - Drunk?
- No! N-no.Copy !req
405. Using our hands and our wits.Copy !req
406. Yeah, sure, it's hard work
and it's lonely as hell,Copy !req
407. but it has meaning and dignity.Copy !req
408. Huh? What do you say?Copy !req
409. Nah. Let's just find
some other scam.Copy !req
410. Hey, how about
bootlegging beanie babies?Copy !req
411. - Sounds good to me.
- Oh, I like that.Copy !req
412. Yep, you're going
to make it, Dad.Copy !req
413. And somewhere up there,
I bet Red is saying "thanks."Copy !req
414. 10-4, dead buddy.Copy !req
415. This is Red Barclay's shipment,Copy !req
416. on time, as always.Copy !req
417. All right, let's see.Copy !req
418. ArtichokesCopy !req
419. and migrant workers.Copy !req
420. Looking good.Copy !req
421. So, where is old Red, anyway?Copy !req
422. Well, the last time I saw him,Copy !req
423. he was in a big plastic bag.Copy !req
424. Yeah, that sounds
like Red, all right.Copy !req
425. Well, son, I guess
it's time to go home.Copy !req
426. Any thoughts on how
we're going to get there?Copy !req
427. No, but I'm sure
the good lord will provide.Copy !req
428. Are you crazy?Copy !req
429. I'm not driving a trainload
of napalm to Springfield!Copy !req
430. Thank you.Copy !req
431. I'm really sorry, everybody,Copy !req
432. but I've tried everything.Copy !req
433. I'm afraid we're just goingCopy !req
434. to have to learn
to live with it.Copy !req
435. No, no, no, no dice!Copy !req
436. All right, Chimey,Copy !req
437. this time,
the bell tolls for thee.Copy !req
438. - Huh?Copy !req
439. Ay-yi-yi! Senor ding-dong!Copy !req
440. I thought you were just
a marketing gimmick.Copy !req
441. There was a time
when that was true,Copy !req
442. but now, I am so much more.Copy !req
443. Hmm... Oh, my.Copy !req
444. Gracias, senor.Copy !req
445. De nada!Copy !req
446. If you ever need me,Copy !req
447. just ring.Copy !req
448. Does anyone have
any jumper cables?Copy !req
449. Oh, you stinking Chevy!Copy !req
450. - Shh!Copy !req
451. Captioned by
Visual Data Media ServicesCopy !req