1. D'oh!Copy !req
2. Okay, FDR is
in the White House,Copy !req
3. an ice cream cone
costs a nickel,Copy !req
4. and a hot new tune
by Benny GoodmanCopy !req
5. is hitting the charts.Copy !req
6. - The year is 1939.Copy !req
7. 19... 1939!Copy !req
8. Oh, my God.
I've gone back in time!Copy !req
9. I've got to warn everybody
about Hitler!Copy !req
10. And get to the ice cream store!Copy !req
11. Hey, Homer,
what's all the hubbub?Copy !req
12. Let me guess— you travel
back in time again?Copy !req
13. Shut up.
You haven't even been born yet.Copy !req
14. Easy, Homer,
I'll bring you back.Copy !req
15. Oh, boy, am I glad
to see you guys.Copy !req
16. That was Men Without Hats.Copy !req
17. Or as they're known today...
Men Without Jobs!Copy !req
18. Hey, don't go there, Marty.Copy !req
19. I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
20. I'm staying right here
at P. J. O'Harrigan's!Copy !req
21. We're broadcasting
live from P. J. O'H'sCopy !req
22. and this place
makes Animal HouseCopy !req
23. look like
Terms of Endearment!Copy !req
24. We're kicking off our
35th consecutive happy hourCopy !req
25. with no end in sight.Copy !req
26. - So come on down.Copy !req
27. Man, that sounds like
a swinging shindig.Copy !req
28. Yeah, too bad we got
to work, huh, Homer?Copy !req
29. Homer?Copy !req
30. Woo-hoo! Let's party!Copy !req
31. Wake up, Homer.Copy !req
32. Eh?Copy !req
33. Come on. Move your butt.Copy !req
34. You're blocking traffic.Copy !req
35. That's no way to addressCopy !req
36. Sir Drinks-A-Lot.Copy !req
37. Come on.
Let's get you insideCopy !req
38. and scrape the gum
out of your hair.Copy !req
39. Okay...Copy !req
40. Hey, Marge,Copy !req
41. what's your
favorite radio station?Copy !req
42. - Well, Marge...
- What?Copy !req
43. What's your favorite
radio station?Copy !req
44. Okay, Dad. We're ready.Copy !req
45. Hey, that's super.Copy !req
46. See you later.Copy !req
47. Dad, don't you remember?Copy !req
48. It's our special Saturday.Copy !req
49. You agreed to spend
one Saturday a monthCopy !req
50. doing something with the kids.Copy !req
51. Oh!Copy !req
52. Oh, quit complaining.Copy !req
53. It's half the work
of a divorced dad.Copy !req
54. Yeah, but it's twice as much
as a deadbeat dad.Copy !req
55. Homer!Copy !req
56. They know I'm kidding.Copy !req
57. Okay, Bart,
it's your turn to pick.Copy !req
58. Where are we headed?
Bowling? Demolition Derby?Copy !req
59. P. J. O'Harrigan's?Copy !req
60. Isn't that a funny name?
Huh? Huh?Copy !req
61. Hysterical. But I traded my
turn to Lisa for her dessert.Copy !req
62. - No! We did a Lisa thing last month!Copy !req
63. And I'm glad we did.Copy !req
64. But now I think
we should do somethingCopy !req
65. normal people would like.Copy !req
66. Why do you assume that I won'tCopy !req
67. pick something fun?Copy !req
68. Let's see.Copy !req
69. - Oh, this looks very educational.
- Oh!Copy !req
70. Well, this could be
quite enlightening.Copy !req
71. - Oh! Oh!
- Fine. How about—Copy !req
72. She didn't say it yet.Copy !req
73. - Go ahead, sweetie.
- The book fair?Copy !req
74. Oh, no.Copy !req
75. I'm not falling
for that again.Copy !req
76. If it doesn't have
Siamese twins in a jar,Copy !req
77. it's not a fair.Copy !req
78. Oh, this is perfect.Copy !req
79. We're going to go
see Marmaduke?Copy !req
80. No, the Smithsonian
Traveling Exhibit.Copy !req
81. It encapsulates America
and makes history come alive.Copy !req
82. What? And Marmaduke doesn't?Copy !req
83. Sorry, Dad.
My mind is made up.Copy !req
84. This is your fault
for trading away your turn.Copy !req
85. Just for that,
no dessert tonight.Copy !req
86. Trade you my next turn
for your dessert.Copy !req
87. - Deal.
- D'oh!Copy !req
88. Hey, how come the SmithsonianCopy !req
89. needs to be sponsored
by a cell phone company?Copy !req
90. I can answer that.Copy !req
91. Uncle Sam needs
to spend our tax dollarsCopy !req
92. on the essentials.Copy !req
93. Anti-tobacco programs,Copy !req
94. pro-tobacco programs,Copy !req
95. killing wild donkeys,
and Israel.Copy !req
96. Good old government.Copy !req
97. Yeah, but corporate sponsorshipCopy !req
98. cheapens our nation's
treasures.Copy !req
99. Actually, they're Omnitouch's
treasures now.Copy !req
100. We bought them during
the last budget crisis.Copy !req
101. Look, they have
Lincoln's hat.Copy !req
102. Thank God for grave robbers.Copy !req
103. Oh, America's greatest citizenCopy !req
104. summed up in one piece
of clothing.Copy !req
105. Fonzie's jacket!Copy !req
106. Who's Fonzie?Copy !req
107. "Who's Fonzie?"Copy !req
108. Don't they teach you
anything in school?Copy !req
109. He freed the squares.Copy !req
110. How can they put a prop
from a TV showCopy !req
111. next to the Bill of Rights?Copy !req
112. So what's so great
about the Bill of Rights?Copy !req
113. It guarantees all
of the basic freedoms.Copy !req
114. Speech, religion,
the right to a speedy trial...Copy !req
115. Where?
I don't see that.Copy !req
116. Dad!Copy !req
117. Don't do that!Copy !req
118. Get out of
Archie Bunker's chair! Now!Copy !req
119. Relax. I'm just boning up
on the old constitution.Copy !req
120. Oh, you're going
to regret that, pinko.Copy !req
121. Oh, I am so sick of peopleCopy !req
122. hiding behind
the Bill of Rights.Copy !req
123. Look, he got chocolate on it.Copy !req
124. I didn't mean to. Look...Copy !req
125. Mm-hmm. You just
licked off the partCopy !req
126. that forbids cruel
and unusual punishment.Copy !req
127. Beautiful.Copy !req
128. Really? That much?Copy !req
129. It's going to cost $10,000
to repair that document.Copy !req
130. What?Copy !req
131. Of course, Omnitouch
understandsCopy !req
132. that real money doesn't grow on trees.
Not these days.Copy !req
133. Finally, a company
that understands my needs.Copy !req
134. We sure do.Copy !req
135. It's called caring.Copy !req
136. So, we're even then?Copy !req
137. Not by a long shot.Copy !req
138. But I have a solution
that'll work out for both of us.Copy !req
139. Especially you.Copy !req
140. I don't want
a cellular transmitterCopy !req
141. sticking out of my roof.Copy !req
142. We prefer to think of them
as "keep in touch towers."Copy !req
143. It's called caring, Marge.Copy !req
144. Plus, you've increasedCopy !req
145. Springfield's roaming
capabilities 64%.Copy !req
146. You've got to admit, Marge,
that's a lot more roaming.Copy !req
147. Oh, I guess.Copy !req
148. Hey, this is pretty
comfortable.Copy !req
149. That Andy Capp
was on to something.Copy !req
150. Ugh. That antenna is an
eyesore.Copy !req
151. Just pretend it's a tree,
honey.Copy !req
152. Or as we say at Omnitouch,
a "progress tree."Copy !req
153. Yeah, well, I hope
it doesn't hum too loudCopy !req
154. 'cause I have a ton
of homework to doCopy !req
155. and if don't finish it by...Copy !req
156. My room!Copy !req
157. What? I heard a yell.Copy !req
158. Did you touch a wire?Copy !req
159. What happened to my room?Copy !req
160. Nothing. They just
needed a place to putCopy !req
161. all the electronic gizmosCopy !req
162. and I know much you like that
science-y stuff, so I decid—Copy !req
163. You gave away my room?Copy !req
164. Come on, Lisa,
try and see thisCopy !req
165. from the Omnitouch
Corporation's point of view.Copy !req
166. Your father's right, Lisa.Copy !req
167. Cellular service is aboutCopy !req
168. communication and unity.Copy !req
169. Community.Copy !req
170. Hmm.Copy !req
171. Oh...Copy !req
172. I can't believe
you did this, Dad.Copy !req
173. Why didn't you put
that thing in your room?Copy !req
174. Hmm, that thought
never occurred to me.Copy !req
175. Funny how your mind works
in a crisis.Copy !req
176. It's just until we pay offCopy !req
177. Daddy's desecration
of a priceless artifact.Copy !req
178. I thought I'd never
have to say that again.Copy !req
179. Uh. But where am I
supposed to live?Copy !req
180. Lisa... what's
your favorite movie?Copy !req
181. Until you taped over it,
The Little Mermaid.Copy !req
182. That's right, The Odd Couple.Copy !req
183. So meet your comicallyCopy !req
184. mismatched roommate,
Bart Simpson!Copy !req
185. I'm going to make your life
a living hell.Copy !req
186. Uh-oh.Copy !req
187. Dad!Copy !req
188. Whoa.Copy !req
189. Okay, if you're going
to live in my roomCopy !req
190. you're going to obey
my rules.Copy !req
191. One, I am Bart, thy god.Copy !req
192. If I am out,
the Krusty doll is thy god.Copy !req
193. If the doll's with me,Copy !req
194. you will worship
the Night-light.Copy !req
195. Should the Night-lightCopy !req
196. be unable to fulfill
its duties...Copy !req
197. - Shut up.
- You shut up.Copy !req
198. Oh, this is not going to work.Copy !req
199. No, you shut up.Copy !req
200. Oh...Copy !req
201. Hello, Mother?
Maggie?Copy !req
202. MRS.
Seymour, you were supposedCopy !req
203. to call me three minutes ago.Copy !req
204. Sorry, Mother, I was driving
through a tunnelCopy !req
205. and my cell phone
wouldn't work.Copy !req
206. I don't want you driving
through tunnels.Copy !req
207. You know what that symbolizes.Copy !req
208. But, Mother, it cuts 90 minutes
off my drive.Copy !req
209. MRS.No tunnels!Copy !req
210. Homer, we're picking up
cell phone callsCopy !req
211. over the baby monitor.Copy !req
212. Whoo! Anything spicy?Copy !req
213. Oh, that's not the point.Copy !req
214. We should report this
to an Omnitouch care rep.Copy !req
215. People's privacy is at stake.Copy !req
216. Great. I'm going
to eat mayonnaise.Copy !req
217. Bart, stop it.Copy !req
218. - Stop what?
- Squeaking that chair.Copy !req
219. Hey, that's what I do
in my room, Lis.Copy !req
220. I squeak my chair.Copy !req
221. - Argh!Copy !req
222. Oh, quit it, quit it,
quit it, quit it!Copy !req
223. Well, well, if it isn't
Frick and Frack,Copy !req
224. Jack and Jill, Fred and Ethel,
the three...Copy !req
225. Dad, will you please tell Bart
to stop squeaking his chair?Copy !req
226. I'm trying
to do my homework.Copy !req
227. Bart, stop squeaking
your chair.Copy !req
228. If you've got to do
something, click this pen.Copy !req
229. No!Copy !req
230. - Hey, that looks like fun.
- Race you.Copy !req
231. You're on.
Lisa, you play winner.Copy !req
232. Come on, come on!Copy !req
233. - I'm gaining on ya!Copy !req
234. Oh, honey, you missed
a great race.Copy !req
235. Bart was winning,
but then he said,Copy !req
236. "this is stupid,"Copy !req
237. and he stopped and I won.Copy !req
238. Dad, I am trying
to do my homework.Copy !req
239. Hmm. Hey, you're mad at me.Copy !req
240. That wasn't
your mayonnaise, was it?Copy !req
241. Dad, why did you have
to take away my room?Copy !req
242. Maybe you'd feel betterCopy !req
243. if we watched
some TV together.Copy !req
244. I just want to study.Copy !req
245. - That's no fun.
- It is to me.Copy !req
246. - No, it's not.
- Dad!Copy !req
247. Oh, here's something
you'll like—Copy !req
248. "When animals attack
magicians."Copy !req
249. Pick a card, any...Copy !req
250. - That's awful.Copy !req
251. - Awful entertaining.Copy !req
252. Oh, my stomach hurts.Copy !req
253. Hey, it's Krusty.Copy !req
254. I need you to get me
out of another jam.Copy !req
255. I picked up this chick
last night.Copy !req
256. At least I thought
she was a chick.Copy !req
257. Showbiz is so fascinating.Copy !req
258. Uh, Mom,
I don't feel so good.Copy !req
259. What is it, honey?Copy !req
260. My tummy really hurts.Copy !req
261. Somebody wants mommy
to change baby's diaper.Copy !req
262. Is that somebody you, Homer?Copy !req
263. Yes, it is.Copy !req
264. Okay, then you can take Lisa
to Dr. Hibbert's.Copy !req
265. Great. Maybe on the way back,Copy !req
266. we can swing
by the Demolition DerbyCopy !req
267. and have a nice talk.Copy !req
268. Oh, sounds great.Copy !req
269. - Lisa, I'm afraidCopy !req
270. your tummy ache
may be caused by stress.Copy !req
271. Well, that's a relief.Copy !req
272. Yes. Anyway,
when it comes to stress,Copy !req
273. I believe laughter
is the best medicine.Copy !req
274. You know, before I learned
to chuckle mindlessly,Copy !req
275. I was headed
for an early grave myself.Copy !req
276. Give it a try, honey.Copy !req
277. Oh, now,
you call that chuckling?Copy !req
278. Come on, child, force it.Copy !req
279. I'm really not
the chuckling type.Copy !req
280. It's true. I'm always making
clever noisesCopy !req
281. and she never chuckles at 'em.Copy !req
282. Well, I could prescribe
some harsh antacids,Copy !req
283. but I think Lisa
would benefit moreCopy !req
284. from some herbal teas
or aromatherapy.Copy !req
285. Yeah, you know,
some of that all-natural stuffCopy !req
286. is really very...Copy !req
287. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
288. Screw that touchy-queery crap.Copy !req
289. We'll take the harsh antacids.Copy !req
290. Nothing's too good
for my little girl.Copy !req
291. I sure settled his hash.Copy !req
292. Imagine that quack
thinking you'd tryCopy !req
293. one of those crazy
new-age cures.Copy !req
294. They're not all crazy, Dad.Copy !req
295. Sure they are, honey.Copy !req
296. You know, just because
you say something is crazyCopy !req
297. doesn't make it so,
and just because you thinkCopy !req
298. museums are boring
and demolition derbies are funCopy !req
299. doesn't make that true, either!Copy !req
300. I'm sorry, Lisa.Copy !req
301. Oh, it's not your fault.Copy !req
302. I know we love each other, Dad,Copy !req
303. but we're two
very different people,Copy !req
304. and, much as I hate to say it,
as time goes on,Copy !req
305. we'll probably just drift
further and further apart.Copy !req
306. Oh, Lisa, honey,
I won't ever let that happen.Copy !req
307. Oh.Copy !req
308. Dad, you don't have to go
to a new-age store just for me.Copy !req
309. I know you think
this stuff is stupid.Copy !req
310. Nah, you must be
thinking of your mother.Copy !req
311. I'm always exploring
alternativesCopy !req
312. and expanding my horizons
into realms of...Copy !req
313. Can't we just go in?Copy !req
314. Oh, good...
I've been meaning to buy a...Copy !req
315. "dream-catcher"?
Give me a break.Copy !req
316. I just wish
you could keep an open mindCopy !req
317. about other cultures.Copy !req
318. Other cultures are fine.Copy !req
319. I'm just saying
I can get along in lifeCopy !req
320. without a... "toothbrush."Copy !req
321. Namaste.Copy !req
322. And, uh, ooga-booga to you, too.Copy !req
323. May I tell you
about our white-light specials?Copy !req
324. Absolutely not.
My little girl's tummy hurts.Copy !req
325. Do you have anything
to stop her complaining?Copy !req
326. Dad!Copy !req
327. Here...Copy !req
328. try this wheat grass juice.Copy !req
329. Blah!Copy !req
330. Well, your tongue works.Copy !req
331. Mm-hmm. Hmm...Copy !req
332. Let's try some oil of Lorenzo,Copy !req
333. and, uh, what's keeping
Joan Rivers alive?Copy !req
334. Fetal grindings,Copy !req
335. but I have a better idea.Copy !req
336. Oh, no, no freezing.Copy !req
337. No, Mr. Simpson,Copy !req
338. this is
a sensory-deprivation tank.Copy !req
339. It blocks out
all the external distractionsCopy !req
340. - that bombard our souls.
- Can you pee in it?Copy !req
341. - I'll take two hours.
- Me, too.Copy !req
342. You're about to take
a journey into the mind.Copy !req
343. You may see
and experience thingsCopy !req
344. that are strange
and frightening,Copy !req
345. but remember,
they can't physically harm you,Copy !req
346. though they may
destroy you mentally.Copy !req
347. So what?Copy !req
348. Ah, this is kind of relaxing,Copy !req
349. but it's so hard
to turn off my brain.Copy !req
350. I have to stop thinking,Copy !req
351. starting... now.Copy !req
352. Hey, it worked.Copy !req
353. Oh, no, that's thinking.Copy !req
354. Boring.Copy !req
355. Lenny, how you doing? It's Moe.Copy !req
356. I got some
class-three gossip here.Copy !req
357. Well... dish.Copy !req
358. Groundskeeper Willie,Copy !req
359. you know,
the guy in the skirt?Copy !req
360. He bought himself
a mail-order bride,Copy !req
361. but he was too cheap
to pay the C.O.D. Right?Copy !req
362. So she's still in the crate
down at the post office.Copy !req
363. - You want to go...
- Ooh, this sounds juicy.Copy !req
364. Hmm...Copy !req
365. Hey, Milhouse,
want to have some fun?Copy !req
366. Uh...Copy !req
367. Okay.Copy !req
368. How am I supposed to
hallucinate with all these swirling colorsCopy !req
369. distracting me?Copy !req
370. Hey...Copy !req
371. Oh, it's a ball of yarn.Copy !req
372. That's funny.Copy !req
373. I feel like batting it around.Copy !req
374. Wow, I have a paw!Copy !req
375. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
376. I've entered the body
of our cat.Copy !req
377. Ah! Maggie!Copy !req
378. Hey, hey,
get your sticky hands off me.Copy !req
379. Ow!Copy !req
380. Oh, bad cat. Leave her alone.Copy !req
381. Wow, my mind just created
that out of nothing.Copy !req
382. This tank is releasing
the full potential of my brain.Copy !req
383. Come on, come on,
I need some gossip here.Copy !req
384. Where is everybody?Copy !req
385. Does this town
shut down at 5:00?Copy !req
386. Frankie, it's me, Killer.Copy !req
387. I just busted out of prison
and the cops are after me.Copy !req
388. Ooh, talk to me, baby.Copy !req
389. Okay, I think I lost them.Copy !req
390. - Uh-oh, a cow.Copy !req
391. Eat lead, bossy.Copy !req
392. Listen, Tony,
I need someplace to hide.Copy !req
393. Oh, this place looks good—Copy !req
394. "742 Evergreen Terrace."Copy !req
395. - Now, to open the doorCopy !req
396. and kill whoever's inside.Copy !req
397. I'll start by turning the knob.Copy !req
398. Got you, Mrs...Copy !req
399. Oh, my God.Copy !req
400. Oh, Mom, you are
a prankster's dream.Copy !req
401. Wow, you really
clobbered him.Copy !req
402. That was a horrible trick
to play on your mother.Copy !req
403. Yeah, well, it serves you right
for eavesdropping.Copy !req
404. Hmm.Copy !req
405. Well, I guess we both learned
a lesson...Copy !req
406. But, if anybody asks,
you hit him.Copy !req
407. But you can't just
repossess our merchandise.Copy !req
408. The I Ching said I had
six months till bankruptcy.Copy !req
409. Hey, channel somebody
who gives a damn.Copy !req
410. Can't we discuss this
over some sympathy tea?Copy !req
411. Sorry, the teas are
already on the truck.Copy !req
412. There's only enough roomCopy !req
413. on the truck for this one.Copy !req
414. We'll get the other one later.Copy !req
415. Hey... this piece of junkCopy !req
416. is finally doing something.Copy !req
417. Oh, man, this is heavy!Copy !req
418. You should lift
with your legs.Copy !req
419. Yeah, aw, screw it.
I got health insurance. Oh!Copy !req
420. Abracadabra.Copy !req
421. The crystal says,
"Your baby shall be a girl."Copy !req
422. Shut up!Copy !req
423. Whoo!
Sensory deprivation kicks ass!Copy !req
424. Oh, Neddy, you almost hit
that coffin.Copy !req
425. Leapin' Lazarus!Copy !req
426. Is this what passes
for eternal rest these days?Copy !req
427. Rod, go get Daddy
his burying shovel.Copy !req
428. Yay!Copy !req
429. You sure buried him deep,
Daddy.Copy !req
430. Not so deep
the Lord can't find him...Copy !req
431. and judge him.Copy !req
432. This is the best birthday
I ever had.Copy !req
433. Okay, I'm ready
to get out now.Copy !req
434. Yoo-hoo, hippie lady.Copy !req
435. Hippie lady?Copy !req
436. Hey, hippie lady!Copy !req
437. Oh! What's going on?Copy !req
438. Oh! Ow! Oh!Copy !req
439. This inner-peace stuff is tough
on the old coconut!Copy !req
440. Hippie lady,
I want to get out.Copy !req
441. Oh!Copy !req
442. Hmm? Look, Daddy,
a whale egg.Copy !req
443. Oh, geez, I am so sick
of companies dumping their crudCopy !req
444. in our ocean
without a permit.Copy !req
445. It's not like
those permits are hard to get.Copy !req
446. You're going right back
where you came from.Copy !req
447. But, Daddy,
you're on vacation.Copy !req
448. Crime doesn't take a vacation.Copy !req
449. Hey, hey, hey, careful!
You'll pop it!Copy !req
450. Wow, I've been a cat,
a tree, and Cokie Roberts.Copy !req
451. It's happening again.Copy !req
452. I wonder where
I'm going this time.Copy !req
453. What's that? Oh, yuck!Copy !req
454. That sandwich is full of meat!Copy !req
455. There's... bacon...Copy !req
456. Canadian bacon...Copy !req
457. Mexican bacon...Copy !req
458. And a mouthwatering veal chop.Copy !req
459. Oh, no. Now I'm Dad.Copy !req
460. Oh... and I'm
at a stupid, boring ballet.Copy !req
461. Dad! Wake up!Copy !req
462. Your snoring is disturbing
the dancers.Copy !req
463. Hmm.Copy !req
464. How can you embarrass me
like this?Copy !req
465. Ooh, you won't sit
through anythingCopy !req
466. that doesn't have car crashes.Copy !req
467. I'm sorry, honey.Copy !req
468. Jeez, why's she so mad at me?Copy !req
469. I only came to this dump
so I could be with her.Copy !req
470. And what happened
to my big sandwich?Copy !req
471. Boy... I can really be a pain
in the butt.Copy !req
472. - Gee, I should cut Dad some slack.Copy !req
473. After all,
he did take me to the balletCopy !req
474. and the Smithsonian Exhibit.Copy !req
475. In fact, he takes me
lots of places he hates.Copy !req
476. Hi, sweetie.Copy !req
477. Hi, Dad. How was it?Copy !req
478. I went on a wild rideCopy !req
479. without ever leaving
the building.Copy !req
480. How was yours?Copy !req
481. Pretty cool,
but now what do you sayCopy !req
482. we go do something
we'll both enjoy?Copy !req
483. Oh... like what?Copy !req
484. Whoa, look at that car burn.Copy !req
485. Does it get
any better than this?Copy !req
486. Not to me, Dad.Copy !req
487. Oh!Copy !req
488. Here comes the ambulance.Copy !req
489. Shh.Copy !req
490. Captioned by
Visual Data Media ServicesCopy !req