1. - D'oh!
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2. Thank you, Springfield!
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3. I love you! Peace!
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4. Thank you, Cyndi Lauper.
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5. Just a reminder, folks. We do
have a baseball game today.
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6. All right.
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7. I am Dennis Conroy,
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8. and here come your Isotopes!
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9. Let's welcome two new additions
to the team,
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10. Smash Diggins
and Fishbone Walker.
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11. Lucky for us,
they were sent down
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12. from the Majors
for drug violations.
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13. Oh, stupid Isotopes.
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14. Hurry up and lose
so we can get out of here!
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15. Why do you hate
the Isotopes so much, Dad?
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16. Because I loved them once
and they broke my heart.
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17. Let that be a lesson
to you, sweetie.
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18. Never love anything.
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19. - Even you?
- Especially me.
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20. But you've got to support
the team, Dad.
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21. They're already threatening
to move to Moose Jaw.
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22. That's right.
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23. Like my mother always said,
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24. "You've got to stick it out
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25. even if you picked a loser..."
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26. - Hmm.
- "... to the bitter end."
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27. First pitch of the game.
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28. That's a rotator cuff.
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29. His career is over.
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30. I'm going to warm up the car.
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31. But there's only been
one pitch.
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32. And it sucked.
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33. Bases loaded,
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34. two outs, bottom of the ninth,
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35. and it's do or die.
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36. That'll bring up Babe Ruth IV.
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37. 'Course, he's no Babe Ruth III,
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38. but the franchise
is very excited
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39. about this illegitimate
great grand bambino!
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40. And... what's this?
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41. He's pointing
to the right field bleachers,
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42. probably at a dying little boy.
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43. - Mom, am I dying?
- No, of course not.
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44. - Is he, Mom? You can tell me.
- No.
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45. Now he's pointing
to the ground.
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46. Is he indicating a bunt?
Yes, he's bunting!
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47. Good hustle, kid!
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48. So who won? The losers?
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49. No, they lost.
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50. Losers.
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51. But only by two points,
and they didn't resort
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52. to stealing bases
like the other team,
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53. so it's kind of a moral
victory.
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54. With a little middle relief,
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55. they might even
make the playoffs!
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56. You'll be
in your cold, cold grave
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57. before that ever happens.
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58. Homer, would you please
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59. stop talking
about the childrens' graves?
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60. Whoo!
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61. What's the hubbub?
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62. Did Moe finally
blow his brains out?
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63. Quiet! We're watching
the Isotopes!
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64. Shut it off. They're losers.
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65. Where you been?
The Isotopes are on fire.
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66. Yeah. That sniper
at the all-star game
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67. was a blessing in disguise.
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68. Now we're
in the championship game.
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69. Championship? Hmm.
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70. Whoo! 'Topes rule!
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71. Well, here's a die-hard fan.
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72. Sir, your beloved Isotopes
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73. are about to make history.
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74. Any thoughts?
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75. Ah! It's a great team, Kent.
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76. They never gave up hope.
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77. I want to thank Jesus
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78. and say "Hi"
to my special lady, Marge.
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79. We did it, baby! Whoo! Whoo!
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80. The inspiring words of a fan
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81. who'll always root, root,
root for the home team,
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82. even if they lose this game.
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83. They lost? Those losers!
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84. No, no, no.
The game's not over.
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85. Whoo! Not over! Whoo!
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86. There you have it. Whoo!
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87. Bottom of the ninth, two outs.
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88. It all comes down to this.
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89. And here's the pitch.
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90. Humping Hesus.
He got all of that one.
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91. It's going... going... going.
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92. Our technical director today
was Stan Kadlubowski.
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93. It's out of here! 'Topes win!
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94. - Isotopes! Come on!
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95. Nobody touched my rumaki.
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96. Whoo! Rumaki!
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97. - Yay!
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98. Isotopes! Whoo!
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99. - Isotopes.
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100. - Isotopes.
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101. Isotopes.
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102. You know what
I'm sayin' to you, baby?
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103. Hey, a baseball field.
Batter up.
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104. Go, baby! Steal second!
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105. I think I'm going to puke!
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106. - Hey, who's on first?
- Touchdown!
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107. Slide!
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108. Safe!
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109. Hey, Carl. Isotopes!
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110. - Whoop! Careful.
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111. Wow! You look
really hungover, Dad.
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112. What did you do last night?
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113. Last night? Uh, um...
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114. Hmm, huh. Hello, Big Maggie.
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115. Yes! Yes! Yes!
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116. Someone trashed the school.
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117. What the dilly-yo?
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118. Where this morning,
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119. the three "Rs" stand for
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120. "rowdiness, ransacking
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121. and irresponsibility."
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122. - Any suspects, chief?
- None.
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123. That's why we're
jumping to the conclusion
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124. that this was the work
of no-good, punk kids.
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125. Kids?
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126. Therefore,
effective immediately,
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127. I am imposing a curfew.
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128. Any kid caught on the street
after dark will be shot,
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129. or returned to their parents
as the situation may warrant.
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130. Curfew?
- Whoa!
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131. Serves you little punks right.
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132. So, maybe next time,
you'll think before—
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133. Oh, my God!
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134. Look what those rotten kids
did to my car!
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135. The cops can't just
slap a curfew on us.
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136. - We have rights.
- Sure, you do.
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137. You have the right
to remain silent.
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138. That was cold-blooded, Marge.
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139. - Yeah.
- But it's not fair.
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140. Adults always blame kids
for everything.
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141. Well, if kids are so innocent,
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142. why is everything bad
named after them?
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143. Acting childish, kidnapping,
child abuse.
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144. What about adultery?
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145. Not until you're older, son.
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146. Okay, go deep!
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147. Ice cream truck!
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148. Hey, quit pushing!
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149. I was here first!
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150. Get out of my way!
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151. Achtung, babies!
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152. Curfew is in effect.
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153. Return to your homes,
immediately.
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154. All right,
let's see some IDs, boys.
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155. Huh. You two scofflaws
are violating curfew.
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156. I'm taking you downtown.
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157. Oh, uh, sorry to disturb you,
Dr. Hibbert.
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158. Not at all, officer.
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159. Hah! What a beautiful night.
Fireflies, full moon.
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160. And here we are, locked inside.
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161. Kids, the carnival's in town
for one night only.
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162. And they've got cotton candy
and hats with feathers.
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163. And there's no lines
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164. because all the stupid kids
have curfew, so...
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165. Oh, right. Sorry.
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166. - Hmm.
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167. Why don't you kids play
one of your old board games?
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168. When was the last time
you played Citizenship?
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169. Energy Shortage.
Hippo in the House?
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170. Ooh! The Game of Lent.
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171. Oh, can't we just go to bed?
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172. It's only 5:30.
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173. Fine. We'll play
Hippo in the House.
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174. Oh, the hippo's missing.
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175. You think that's bad?
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176. I had to talk
to my mom all night.
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177. She's got problems.
Scary problems.
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178. Adults blow.
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179. Yeah. Just look at them
over there.
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180. Smoking their cigarettes.
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181. Drinking their coffee.
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182. Scratching their big butts.
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183. Your metabolism will change
someday, too, young man.
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184. That ought to show
little Timmy and Tammy scumbag
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185. who's in charge around here.
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186. Gee, chief,
all those gears and motors
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187. must have cost a fortune.
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188. Well, you got to spend money
to make money, Lou.
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189. Uh-huh.
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190. You want to
hold it for a while?
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191. Nah.
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192. Marge. Kite.
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193. Hey, there is one thing
we could do.
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194. Lise, no. It's prime time!
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195. You robbed me of my manhood.
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196. That's petty theft.
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197. Don't go there.
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198. Don't Go There
will be right back.
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199. - Oh, no. It won't.
- Wait, there's a commercial.
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200. - Ah, oh... yeah.
- Whoa.
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201. 40 years ago,
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202. a film appeared
that was so shocking,
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203. so terrifying, it was sealed
in a concrete vault
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204. deep beneath the earth.
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205. But even the new management
of Sony/TriStar
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206. could not contain the pure evil
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207. of The Bloodening.
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208. Milhouse, do you see
what's on channel six?
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209. Uh, yeah,
it-it's really something.
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210. A registered nurse trained
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211. in the treatment of terror
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212. will be on duty
during the showing of...
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213. The Bloodening.
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214. Now playing
at the Springfield drive-in...
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215. after dark.
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216. Milhouse, spread the word.
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217. We're seeing this movie,
tonight.
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218. That's right.
We're breaking curfew.
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219. Come on.
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220. - Breaking curfew, Mom!
We're out of skoal!
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221. Due to the likelihood of
fear-induced heart attacks,
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222. we're offering all patrons
million-dollar life insurance policies.
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223. Life insurance? Hmm.
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224. Will I be able to borrow
against the equity?
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225. Uh, I don't know, sir.
It comes free with the popcorn.
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226. Is that air-popped?
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227. Skinner!
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228. - We're losing valuable make-out time.
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229. - Little help.
- Sure.
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230. - Lisa.
- Nelson.
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231. Get off of my moor,
you mischievous weans.
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232. Actually, we'd prefer to stay.
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233. You're thinking about
hurting us.
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234. Now you're thinking,
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235. "How did they know
what I was thinking?"
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236. Now you're thinking,
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237. "I hope that's shepherd's pie
in my knickers."
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238. - Wow!
- They showed him.
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239. Man, I never liked Shakespeare
until now.
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240. Right, you little blighters.
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241. We've had quite enough
of your evil mischief.
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242. But you're the one
who's been bad.
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243. You've been sneaking puddings.
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244. But-but, how did you know?
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245. We know all your secrets.
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246. - And you pilfered the poor box.
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247. And, doctor, we know that you
and the bootblack
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248. have been rogering the fishwife
in the crumpet shop.
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249. - Lies! How dare you!
- Get them! Quickly!
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250. We can't have that.
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251. - Take that, you suckers!
- Way to go!
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252. In your face, fishwife.
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253. Enjoying the movie, kids?
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254. Listen up, punks.
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255. The moral of the story is,
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256. the adults always win.
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257. Stop crying out loud, Eddie,
you scared the hell out of me.
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258. Sorry, chief.
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259. Don't forget
to clean under the jowls.
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260. That spot is club med
for mildew.
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261. And let this be
a lesson to you.
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262. Kids never learn.
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263. Oh, that is it.
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264. I'm tired of being
pushed around by grownups.
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265. It's time to fight back!
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266. Yeah! Fight back!
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267. Man, if we had eye power
like those kids in that movie,
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268. we could read the adults' mind
and tell their secrets,
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269. and make them pitchfork
each other and junk.
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270. Wait! We don't need
supernatural powers.
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271. - We already know their secrets.
- She's right.
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272. Homer's done a ton of crap
that never made the papers.
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273. My mom shoplifts all the time,
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274. stuff she doesn't even need.
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275. My dad gets in car accidents
on purpose.
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276. Great. This is all gold.
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277. We got to spread
this stuff around.
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278. Let's put it on the Internet.
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279. No, we have to reach people
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280. whose opinions actually matter,
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281. and I think I know how.
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282. Why don't we just...
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283. Attention,
hemline and midriff monitors.
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284. - Um.
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285. Willie, get my Windex.
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286. 200 channels,
and nothing but cats.
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287. So, Marge,
ready for another episode
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288. of Don't Go There?
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289. I'm tired of that show,
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290. but I've been hearing
good things about Talk to the Hand.
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291. Tom Shales says the writing
snaps, crackles, and pops.
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292. Okay, whatever takes
my mind off my life.
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293. Hey, look what I found.
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294. Grandpa's old radio.
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295. Oh, wouldn't it be grand
to gather round
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296. and have a listen?
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297. Well, turn something on.
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298. I'm starting to think.
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299. A date which will live...
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300. in infamy.
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301. Good evening, adults.
We interrupt this broadcast
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302. to bring you
a very special presentation.
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303. Tonight's program is entitled...
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304. We Know All Your Secrets.
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305. Boring.
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306. Go back to that "infamy" guy.
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307. Constable Wiggum
likes to act tough.
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308. But he also likes
to walk the beat
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309. in control-top pantyhose.
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310. Heh-heh! Well, heh,
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311. it's not like that's a crime.
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312. I'm afraid it is, chief.
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313. - Um.
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314. And Schoolmistress Krabapple
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315. has been stealing supplies
from the school cafeteria.
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316. Edna, how could you?
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317. Don't get up.
I'll bus my own tray.
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318. And now we come
to Mr. Homer Simpson.
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319. Did you know, he likes to eat
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320. out of the Flanders' garbage?
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321. Oh, no. Homer.
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322. I have a problem.
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323. Tune in tomorrow and every day
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324. until the curfew is lifted
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325. because we'll be revealing
embarrassing secrets about
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326. Springfield's other adults.
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327. Well, at least
they've already done me.
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328. And we have plenty more
on Homer Simpson.
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329. D'oh!
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330. I've called this meeting
to determine
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331. what to do
about those blabbermouth kids
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332. and their creepy
English accents.
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333. Hey, shut up, Mayor.
They're telling secrets again.
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334. Oh, I hope they don't reveal
this is a comb-over.
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335. Our top secret tonight,
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336. Gay divorcee Luanne Van Houten
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337. has been cheating
on her boyfriend, Pyro...
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338. - ... with his best friend, Gyro.
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339. How many times
have I fought beside you, Gyro?
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340. And this is how you repay me?
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341. Pyro, Gyro, settle down.
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342. Can't we shut down
that infernal transmitter?
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343. - Can't we just blow it up?
- You go ahead, girlfriend.
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344. - Settle down, people.
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345. As we speak,
Chief Wiggum is tracking down
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346. those little squealers
using the latest
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347. in crime-fighting technology.
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348. Ah, I got nothing.
How about you, frinky?
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349. I have captured the signal,
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350. and am presently
triangulating the vectors
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351. and compressing the data down
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352. in order to express it
as a function of my hand.
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353. They're over there.
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354. And guess
who's been practicing medicine
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355. without a license?
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356. That's right. Homer Simpson.
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357. Freeze, you little shock jocks.
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358. Brilliant.
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359. They transduced
amplitude modulation
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360. via the concavity of that over-sized
beverage conveyance.
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361. I mean,
that is some clever goyvin.
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362. All right, you kids,
come down now.
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363. We promise, we won't kill you.
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364. Speak for yourself.
Bart, get down here!
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365. I'm going to spank you
back to the Stone Age.
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366. You can't make us come down.
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367. You adults are always
giving us orders.
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368. Well, you kids
are always disobeying them.
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369. Well, adults treat kids
like children.
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370. Kids treat adults
like cash machines.
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371. - Adults! Adults! Adults!
- Kids! Kids! Kids!
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372. But please don't quit
the fan club.
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373. I just ate a thumbtack.
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374. Shut your traps!
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375. We're going to teach
all you rugrats a lesson.
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376. Oh, yeah?
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377. What can you old people
do to us?
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378. - Yeah, you old fogies.
- Buzz off, you old buzzards.
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379. iron you.
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380. This is Kent Brockman
reporting from my own home
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381. in accordance
with a new curfew
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382. for anyone under 70.
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383. I warned you guys that seniors
always vote in record numbers.
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384. The controversial measure
passed by a single vote.
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385. Um, you really
should have voted, Homer.
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386. Pfft. It wouldn't have made
a difference.
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387. Lights out, you punk kids!
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388. Yay! We took back the night!
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389. Hey, fellas!
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390. Hey, you wanna stop
with the kicking?
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391. My pills are in that can.
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392. Good gravy.
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393. I don't kick your things.
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394. When you're trying
to breathe on the machine,
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395. do I go up and kick it?
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396. Oh, now, look at that.
It went down the sewer.
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397. You're happy?
I'm gonna sue now.
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398. Now it's time for the lawyers.
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399. Shh.
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400. Don't tell me to shush,
you stupid lady!
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401. Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
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