The Shrink Next Door: Season 1, Episode 6

1. Like, right here?

2. No. Move, move.

3. Everything you always wanted to know about the party but were afraid to ask.

4. Ike, you never write. Why are you writing to me?

5. To save the date.

6. What date?

7. Saturday, July 6, 1991.

8. What am I saving it for?

9. A summer party.

10. What should I wear?

11. The party is safari themed,

12. so dress like the wild exotic animal that you are.

13. But how will I get there?

14. Meet on the southwest corner of 40th and 8th Avenue.

15. Don't worry about the ride home.

16. You'll be dropped off at the very same spot at 10:00 p.m.,

17. tanned, tired and tipsy.

18. - This is the bus to Ike's party? - It sure is.

19. Okay, yeah.

20. What are we gonna do at the party?

21. What aren't we going to do?

22. There'll be swimming, chicken fights,

23. Ping-Pong, lawn darts, croquet, limbo

24. and so much more.

25. See you soon.

26. Marty, what is that odor that smells like shit

27. by the lounge chairs?

28. Well, it is what it smells like. I think the septic tank is backed up.

29. Can you do something about it, please?

30. I know it's a safari party,

31. but I don't want it to smell like elephant dung.

32. - Okay. - Not so fast.

33. Seriously, Bonnie? Two-pieces?

34. They're children. This isn't Cambodia.

35. - Can you go change, please? - Come on, girls. Come on.

36. Hold on. Wait.

37. Is that what you're wearing?

38. Yeah. Is it too much?

39. It's fine. It's fine. Just put them in dresses.

40. Okay.

41. Dr. Ike, everything okay?

42. Yeah, I'm just—

43. What if this party isn't as fun as Stephen Baldwin's?

44. Stephen Baldwin put on a party

45. that people are gonna talk about for a long time.

46. That's a given.

47. However, look at this attention to detail.

48. This is gonna be a great party.

49. I don't know.

50. What if no one shows

51. and it's just you and me and a hundred pounds of chopped meat?

52. Still sounds fun to me.

53. Let the good times roll! Welcome!

54. - You are the man. - No, you. Stop it. Stop it.

55. - How are you? - Hey, Ike.

56. - What's up, David? - Ike.

57. - Hi, Miriam. - Ike.

58. So happy you made it. I love your hat.

59. Yeah. Oh. I have something for you.

60. - Party time. - Thank you so much. Hey!

61. You know, this is the same strength as my mother's reading glasses.

62. - Do you have them in a bifocal? - Yeah.

63. - Get in there, Miriam. Have fun. - Okay.

64. Hi, Iz. How are you?

65. By the way, we're putting in a hot tub right over here.

66. We have porcelain tile flying in from Murano.

67. The Italians, they do it so much better. Am I right?

68. We bought the place next door too.

69. We're totally refurbishing.

70. Putting in a golf course, a tennis court

71. and a sundial.

72. - You and Bonnie have real vision. - You know Bonnie. She loves a project.

73. It's why she married me.

74. Thank you for coming. It's great to see you.

75. Let's touch base on Monday.

76. There may be a spot opening up on the synagogue board

77. that I think you'd be perfect for.

78. - Yep. - All right.

79. Marty.

80. We're a hit.

81. I think people are having a great time.

82. What a team we make, huh?

83. I was thinking I should put some dip out. I forgot all about dip.

84. Who doesn't love dip?

85. But I don't want you cooking all day.

86. You know, I want you to relax and enjoy yourself.

87. I like cooking. Cooking is good.

88. Whatever you say, chief.

89. By the way.

90. I was thinking.

91. Maybe I can put the barbecue back a bit

92. and give you a little more room.

93. I don't want people breathing down your neck.

94. They can't be disturbing the genius at work.

95. No. It's a good idea.

96. Yeah, a little space.

97. Okay. I'm gonna make sure everyone's good on drinks.

98. And I said, "I don't care if it is before Labor Day.

99. You'll never see these legs in white pants."

100. - There you go. - Thanks.

101. That was way out.

102. - Hey! - Hi, Ike!

103. - What? - Nothing.

104. - Do you need me? - No.

105. Hey!

106. If you let them walk all over you, you know what they're gonna do.

107. - Walk all over me. Yeah. - That's right.

108. This "buy a cake for their birthday" tradition has gotten out of hand.

109. Did you hear Cathy?

110. "Red velvet for me. Red velvet."

111. Please, you know.

112. You're not running a bakery, Marty. It's a business.

113. No, I know, I know. Cathy can get outta control with that stuff.

114. So...

115. That was pretty epic, huh?

116. - What was epic? - The party, Marty.

117. - Oh. Yeah. - Yeah?

118. Right, I mean, it was a lot of work.

119. - But yeah. - We should fix the lighting by the pool.

120. Man, by eight o'clock, it was pitch black.

121. I feel like I tore my rotator cuff

122. schlepping all those wet towels to and from the dryer.

123. People loved the pool. They loved it.

124. I opened so many bottles of soda pop,

125. I haven't been able to make a solid fist.

126. You know, we could hang string lights the next time.

127. Next time?

128. - There's gonna be a next time? - Of course.

129. We're just getting started.

130. Marty.

131. These parties are great for us.

132. They're great for business. They're great for networking.

133. Why? You didn't enjoy it?

134. No, I liked it. Yeah.

135. It was good. Yeah, I guess.

136. What is it? What's bothering you?

137. I'm not much of a party guy.

138. I didn't know anyone there. I didn't know what to say to anyone.

139. I think this is a narrative you tell yourself.

140. I've seen you party, Marty.

141. And I don't know how to tell you this, but you're pretty fun.

142. No. No, I'm not fun.

143. All right, well, I have an idea.

144. Why don't we run it back?

145. We'll have a second party,

146. and we can use it as an opportunity for you to make some connections.

147. There were some fantastic people there, Marty. Fantastic.

148. I'm just too shy.

149. - Oh, stop it already with the "shy." - And— No.

150. I'm going to help you learn to enjoy yourself.

151. Okay? How's that sound?

152. What is that shake?

153. - All right. - Yeah?

154. - Yes. Yeah. - All right. Okay. Good.

155. By the way,

156. I got you a little something.

157. Wow.

158. - A fish. - A koi to be exact.

159. - Well, thank you. - You're welcome.

160. - What do I do with it? - I'm sure you'll figure it out.

161. I guess we could build a pond.

162. You know, in the Hamptons.

163. That's a great idea. That is a great idea.

164. That might be a good project for you.

165. - Thank you. - Don't mention it.

166. Well, okay.

167. - He's looking right at me. - He is. I think he likes you.

168. Yeah. I hope so.

169. Okay, play nice, guys.

170. Adam, behave yourself.

171. Take it easy with the cervezas.

172. Sorry. I'm kidding. Enjoy the fiesta, amigos.

173. - Gracias. Gracias. - Oh, yeah.

174. Miriam. I see you've met Noreen.

175. Yes. Yes.

176. Terrific. Well, as they say in Oaxaca...

177. Lehayim.

178. Cheers.

179. I see our chef is hard at work.

180. Oh, yeah.

181. He seems nice.

182. Oh, Marty.

183. He's a little shy, but...

184. Well, don't let me hold you back. If you, you know, would like to...

185. Yeah, I'll go talk to him.

186. Okay.

187. - The grill master himself. - Who? Me?

188. - Miriam. - Oh, right. Of course.

189. - Yeah. From shiva. - Yes.

190. - And Ike's waiting room, right? - That too.

191. Well, Ike said that you are the best cook.

192. I'm gonna need that kebab recipe one of these days.

193. Well, the trick is to oil the skewers first.

194. Then the meat cooks from the inside out.

195. I'm boring myself now.

196. No! No, no. No.

197. Interesting.

198. So, did you tell your mother no about Florida?

199. Wow, you have a great memory.

200. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have—

201. No! No, no, no. No, it's fine.

202. There's a few of us here, right?

203. - Have you met Jennifer? - No.

204. She's some kind of heiress.

205. On the board of the New York City Ballet. That kind of thing.

206. Anyway, she's been with Ike forever.

207. You must also know about one of Ike's movie-star patients?

208. I don't think so.

209. - Okay, I shouldn't say. - Okay.

210. Her name rhymes with "Myneth Maltrow."

211. He did mention that, yes.

212. - It's quite a tribe, I guess. - Yeah, yeah.

213. I should get another tray.

214. Now I know how Julia Childs feels.

215. Minus the funny accent and the...

216. the fulsome breasts.

217. Who would have known that the lamb kebabs are the number one hit?

218. I think it's the cilantro I put on it.

219. Sorry. Do you know where the bathroom is?

220. Yes, absolutely.

221. It's down the hall, second door on your left.

222. It's a slow flush.

223. Thank you for the heads-up.

224. Is that Farrah Fawcett?

225. It is. Cool, right?

226. He met her on a flight to Tampa.

227. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, she's very lovely.

228. Oh, my gosh.

229. Ike was such a sweet little boy.

230. Actually, that's me.

231. With my parents and sister.

232. Really?

233. So, you knew Ike as a kid.

234. So you two are related.

235. Not exactly.

236. But...

237. You live here with Ike and Bonnie?

238. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

239. It is such a great home.

240. How long have the Herschkopfs had it? Do you know?

241. Well, truth be told,

242. it's my family's home since the '50s, I guess.

243. Yeah. A lot of happy memories.

244. - Your family. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

245. Wait. This is your home?

246. Well, I mean, it's our home.

247. Yeah, there's a name on the paper.

248. But you know, it still takes that special someone

249. to figure out what it could be,

250. and that's Ike... and Bonnie.

251. I'm just good at executing ideas.

252. So it's a real team effort.

253. - Yeah. - But that's interesting.

254. - The left, second door? - Yeah, left, second door.

255. - Okay. You got it. - Keep your hand on the lever.

256. So...

257. can I ask you a question?

258. Absolutely.

259. Why...

260. did you go out of your way to tell Noreen that the Hampton property was yours?

261. What?

262. No, I don't know—

263. I don't know who Noreen is.

264. She was at the party.

265. The zaftig redhead.

266. I don't remember saying that to anyone.

267. Well, you did. She told me.

268. But what I'm interested in is why you said it.

269. Honestly, I don't recall saying that to anyone.

270. I'm a little disappointed to hear that because I now know that you're lying.

271. Noreen recorded the conversation.

272. She did?

273. Of course she didn't.

274. What's going on with your self-esteem, Marty?

275. Why the need to claim things?

276. It's unbecoming.

277. What you think you need to make you look big is in fact making you look small.

278. Now, Noreen, she doesn't know what to think.

279. And she's worried.

280. She's worried that you're confused.

281. So are Bonnie and I.

282. I'm not, and I didn't mean to confuse anyone.

283. I'm just— I'm so...

284. baffled.

285. It's baffling to me, Marty.

286. I mean, why on earth would you say something like that?

287. Honestly.

288. It's my idea to host these parties, right?

289. Yeah.

290. I come up with the themes. I write the invitations.

291. - I am the host. - You are.

292. People come to enjoy themselves.

293. To have fun and relax.

294. - Not be confronted by your... pathologies. - I'm sorry.

295. I mean, what's the big deal if they think it's my place?

296. I mean, who cares whose place it is?

297. I agree. Totally.

298. In fact, I said to Noreen afterwards that—

299. Do you want people to come to our parties and enjoy themselves,

300. or do you want them to feel uncomfortable?

301. No, I want— I want them to enjoy themselves.

302. Do you want to invite people to take advantage of you?

303. Like Debbie did?

304. Like Phyllis did?

305. Cathy, to a certain extent?

306. No. Of course not.

307. I didn't think so.

308. You know I'm doing this for you.

309. To protect you.

310. We don't care.

311. But... we're looking out for you.

312. I know. I know.

313. So just try not to say those kinds of things, okay?

314. Okay.

315. Again, I'm so sorry.

316. And please, tell Bonnie I'm sorry too.

317. Marty, I would. I would.

318. But I'm afraid if I bring it up to Bonnie,

319. she's just going to get upset all over again.

320. Now...

321. you know what I'm thinking for our next theme?

322. Who's ready to walk the plank?

323. - Aye! - Amazing.

324. - Ahoy, Captain. - Right this way, mate.

325. You get stage fright now?

326. - "Shiver me timbers." You wanna say it? - You got something to say?

327. - No, he was saying it all morning. No... - I think he's gonna do it this time.

328. You need to change your batteries. Yeah, you need to change your batteries.

329. "Shiver me timbers."

330. I don't think it's happening.

331. - More food. - I've had enough.

332. - No, I meant for the guests. - I know what you meant.

333. You okay?

334. You want some water or seltzer?

335. I miss my husband.

336. Let me get you a seltzer.

337. - Remind me. Perrier or Pellegrino? - I'm okay.

338. I got both. I'll just get you a Perrier. Yeah.

339. Think I read somewhere that it has less sodium.

340. And this may sound crazy, but when I drink Pellegrino,

341. I think it sometimes makes me thirstier, if you can believe that.

342. - There you go. - Thank you.

343. Do you remember the first time we all came here together?

344. Just us? It was so nice.

345. It was peaceful.

346. I do.

347. Yeah, it was.

348. It's okay.

349. I'm sorry.

350. No. It's okay. It's all right. Yeah.

351. Okay.

352. Okay, I probably— I think I should, you know, go back

353. and bring out the extra kebabs.

354. - Yeah. Okay. - People are waiting.

355. - Sorry, Marty. - No, no, no.

356. There's also soft drinks in here.

357. —Okay. - Thank you. - Okay.

358. - Pool volleyball? - Ike, it's too cold.

359. You don't happen to have another towel, do you?

360. Or, maybe, I don't know, like, a light blanket?

361. You— No— I'll ask Bonnie.

362. Hey, Ike. What time's the bus leaving tonight?

363. I'm kinda done.

364. Arthur, have a drink. It's a party.

365. What the hell.

366. I'll take an English breakfast tea.

367. Tea?

368. Anything in it?

369. Little steamed milk would be nice.

370. pH level is good.

371. Here we are.

372. Here we go.

373. All right. Yes. Enough for everyone.

374. Oh, come on, bud. You gotta share.

375. Stop that.

376. There you are.

377. Looks like your Ichthyophthirius multifiliis is finally clearing up.

378. Those formula drops are working. Attaboy.

379. Look at you. Your scales are so lush.

380. Who are you talking to?

381. Oh, you scared me.

382. You're talking to the fish?

383. Yeah, I guess.

384. Hey, guess who...

385. Guess who's nominated to be vice president of the temple.

386. Wow, congratulations.

387. Why don't you come back to the party?

388. Michael's friend from Los Angeles is gonna tell us

389. about the time he went hiking with Craig T. Nelson from Coach.

390. Oh, yeah, from Coach. Yeah.

391. No, yeah, I'll be back soon. I gotta flip the kebabs anyway.

392. You know, Marty,

393. these parties are for us.

394. For both of us.

395. I can't have fun if you're not right by my side.

396. Not that this is much of a party anyway.

397. Here.

398. No, thanks.

399. My reflux is acting up.

400. Oh, come on. It's one beer.

401. To us.

402. Okay.

403. - Refreshing. - Come on. Drink it.

404. - Give it a real sip. - That was a real sip.

405. No, come on. We need to see Party Marty.

406. The crowd wants it.

407. Party Marty has a migraine, okay? I think it's from the sun.

408. You know this is part of our work, Marty.

409. I want you to be free.

410. I want you to fly.

411. There we go. Oh, yes.

412. Party Marty. Party Marty!

413. Yes! Yes! There he is!

414. There we go.

415. Oh, my God.

416. - That is fantastic. Here. - What?

417. Now you can enjoy yourself. Now you can loosen up, be free.

418. Look at this place.

419. You know what I think would get this party really started?

420. - What? - If everyone started jumping in the pool

421. with their clothes on.

422. Could you imagine?

423. - That would be— Yeah. - You should start it.

424. - Me? - Yeah!

425. - I don't know. No. - I do! I do.

426. Come here. Look at Miriam.

427. You know, you should just go nudge her in.

428. - Why— Into the pool? - She would love it.

429. - She's such a prankster. - Really? I didn't know that.

430. If you only knew some of the high jinks she's been a part of...

431. She likes high jinks, huh?

432. She will think it's hilarious. She loves you.

433. Party Marty. Party Marty.

434. Party Marty. Party Mar—

435. Hey, Miriam.

436. Oh, hey, Marty.

437. Wow, where have you been?

438. What the fuck are you doing?

439. I'm sorry.

440. I thought it would be funny!

441. Why would this be funny, Marty?

442. - That was crazy. - The fuck is wrong with you?

443. - Are you all right? - No.

444. Are you insane? You—

445. Guess I just got carried away.

446. Ike gave me a bunch of beers.

447. Well— Wait, Marty, no.

448. What I said was it would be fun if everyone went swimming.

449. I didn't say to body check her.

450. Look, I'm very sorry. He misread the situation.

451. I normally don't drink, you know? All that alcohol.

452. Well, guess what, Marty. I got news for you.

453. You're okay. That beer was nonalcoholic.

454. - What? - Yeah.

455. Why would you? Why would you—

456. Because Party Marty is in here. You just need to let go.

457. Now, admittedly, this was a little over-the-top.

458. Yeah, it's a work in progress. Why don't you take care of her?

459. It's a party. Pool's open.

460. Miriam, look, I'm sorry. Let's get—

461. Just go away, Marty. I don't need your fucking help.

462. Oh, no, you're crying.

463. - It's fine. It isn't your fault, okay? - Well, it is.

464. No, it isn't. It's fucking Ike, okay?

465. He put you up to this. I don't know why you listened to him, but...

466. it isn't your fault.

467. Oh, God. You know, I didn't even want to come to this stupid thing.

468. I shouldn't have. I should have known better.

469. You didn't know I was gonna push you in the pool.

470. No, I did not know that.

471. But I know Ike's an asshole.

472. And I know that I am done with him. I am done!

473. Did you know that my mother died?

474. I'm so sorry.

475. It's okay. It happened years ago.

476. But my mother died, and Ike fucking convinced me to stop talking to her.

477. Just to stop talking to her.

478. Just completely cut her off.

479. So I never got to say goodbye to her.

480. My own mother, I just—

481. Who fucking does that? Who does that?

482. Let's get you into some dry clothes.

483. - Okay. - Okay.

484. It was a new dress!

485. I'm sorry. I just—

486. Miriam, you doing all right in there?

487. I don't think I need the hat.

488. You may. It really helps, you know, keep the sun out of your eyes.

489. You should try it.

490. I felt bad I got water all over the floor. Is there a mop?

491. I don't wanna leave the housekeeper's room a mess.

492. This isn't the housekeeper's room. It's mine.

493. What?

494. Yeah.

495. This is where you sleep?

496. This is where I sleep.

497. This is my bed. These are my shells.

498. My sandpiper painting. I got my fridge over there.

499. - Do you wanna go back to the party? - Not particularly, no.

500. What is it about that man, right?

501. Well, he's... He's complicated.

502. But he cares.

503. I used to think that.

504. I used to think that he cared about me.

505. He was my everything. Do you know that I actually loved him?

506. But he broke my heart.

507. Because he doesn't... care about me at all.

508. He doesn't care about any of us.

509. I don't know the specifics of what you two have going on,

510. but with us, it's different, okay?

511. He cares about me, I can assure you.

512. He loves me. He changed my life.

513. - He's my best friend. - Do you hear yourself right now?

514. A journey of self-discovery isn't easy, Miriam.

515. But don't blame Ike for your own shit.

516. Ike saved me. Do you understand?

517. I owe my life to him. I would be dead without Ike.

518. 100% dead.

519. I owe him everything.

520. Wow.

521. You're in real deep, huh?

522. Everything okay in here?

523. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

524. Just helping Miriam, you know, find some dry clothes.

525. You look good in green, Miriam.

526. Thanks.

527. So sorry to barge in. Honey, Carl wants to duet with you.

528. Oh, no. Don't tell me you broke out the karaoke machine.

529. I'm guilty as charged.

530. It's out, it's on, and it is primed with "Fight for Your Right to Party."

531. Do I have to?

532. He's taking us to the opening night of the New York City Ballet, okay?

533. - Nothing comes for free. - No, you've got a point.

534. Okay, come here. Oh, do you two want to sing?

535. Actually, you know what, Marty? I need you to grab me something, okay?

536. We're out of limes, and the people need margaritas.

537. - Can you handle? - I'm on it.

538. Thanks, Marty. Come on, come on, come on.

539. Marty? Marty Markowitz?

540. Yes. Mrs. Zicherman.

541. I thought you moved.

542. No. No.

543. Well, I—

544. The mailbox had a different name,

545. and I thought you left without saying goodbye.

546. No, I'm still there. Yeah.

547. Okay. Well... What are you up to?

548. How's Phyllis?

549. I heard Nancy had a little girl.

550. - You must be over the moon. - Really?

551. Yeah, I got a birth announcement. What a cute name.

552. And how's Joel?

553. - Are you okay? - Yeah. No, I'm fine.

554. I'm just here to, you know, pick up some essentials.

555. Some limes.

556. You look a little pale.

557. Just tired, I think. Yeah.

558. Well, it's really good to see you.

559. - Yeah, likewise. Yeah. - Yeah.

560. I mean, I've been thinking about you a lot.

561. So I'm glad you're okay.

562. Yes.

563. Hey, why don't you bring Phyllis and the kids over next time they're out?

564. We'll all catch up. It'll be wonderful.

565. I haven't seen them in years, so there's a lot to catch up on.

566. - Okay, well... - Okay.

567. - Well, good to see you. I'll see you. - Yeah. Oh.

568. All right.

569. - Bye-bye. - Yeah.

570. Please, stop! I—

571. - I'm sorry. Stop. Just hold on. - What the hell?

572. Watch where you're going.

573. Fuck!

574. Asshole!

575. Where are you going, Marty?

576. Come back, sweetheart.

577. One more spoon for Mama.

578. Come on.

579. That's it. That's my good boy. Well done.

580. How you doing, pal?

581. You— Are you okay?

582. You want some Tylenol? Some water or some—

583. You know, I've been looking for you for ages. It—

584. People have been asking for you.

585. Hi, friend.

586. Tell me their names.

587. Really?

588. That's Stu. And he's Ethan.

589. Sass is the one eating all the— the plants over there.

590. And that's Catheryn.

591. She's kind of demure.

592. Don't look at her too long.

593. And that's Adam. He is not doing so well recently.

594. They're lucky they have you.

595. You think?

596. I know.

597. So, what are you planning next? What's your next big project?

598. I don't know. I was thinking... maybe some bees.

599. That would be wonderful.

600. I'm thinking I might go back into the city tonight.

601. Are you sure?

602. Yeah, I'm not feeling so great.

603. Okay. Seems a shame, but...

604. No. Of course.

605. Oh, hey, Marty,

606. if you're going back to the city tonight,

607. could you do me a favor?

608. Yeah, sure.

609. I want you to show me

610. I wanna feel what love is

611. I know you can show me

612. - What just happened? - It's overheated.

613. - Are we stranded? - Call for help.

614. We're stranded? What?

615. - I got no cell service. - Does anyone have service?

616. You don't have any?

617. All right, everyone. Relax. It's gonna be okay.

618. There's a gas station down the road.

619. I'll go ahead and walk down there and make a call for help, all right?

620. Can you see anything?

621. - Miriam? - What?

622. Would you... Would you mind walking with me?

623. I feel like I owe you an apology.

624. You're lucky I have to pee.

625. Thanks.

626. Watch out for this mud here.

627. - Thanks. - There we go.

628. You know, I just wanted to say that—

629. I'm sorry for earlier when I lost my temper.

630. It's okay. I understand.

631. No, it's not okay.

632. I mean, you must've struck a chord, I guess,

633. but I shouldn't have shouted like that.

634. It's fine. Really.

635. It's hard to hear a truth like that.

636. I mean, I'm... still struggling with it myself.

637. Just keep thinking what my life would be like if...

638. I just never met him, you know?

639. Yeah.

640. I'm just gonna go use the restroom.

641. - Yeah, sure. - Okay.

642. Thanks.

643. Marty?

644. Marty?

645. - Hello? - Hello, Miriam.

646. I'm afraid to say I won't be able to be your therapist anymore.

647. I no longer think this is a healthy arrangement.

648. I think you're a very toxic person,

649. and I don't wanna hear from you again.

650. - Ike! - Goodbye.

651. Ike, what's going on?

652. Thanks, Mike.

653. I know that was unusual.

654. Don't ever ask me to do that shit again.