1. Get you anything?
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2. Aloha.
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3. Mahalo.
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4. - Rabbi Sherman.
- Hello, boychick.
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5. - Or should I say the king of Ping-Pong?
- It's true.
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6. - Watch out. He has ninja moves.
- Thanks.
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7. Thea?
Either you're growing, or I'm shrinking.
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8. Hey, Nick and Toni's, right?
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9. - Wednesday night. I'm calling you!
- You got it.
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10. You're gonna love the corn.
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11. Round Swamp Farm's.
I shucked it myself. There he is!
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12. Everybody, duck!
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13. - Don't say it. Don't even think it.
- What?
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14. - I'm not playing golf with you again.
- Why not?
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15. "Why not?" That wasn't golf.
That was more like hockey.
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16. I was afraid for my life.
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17. Have you tried the hot tub yet?
You should try the hot tub.
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18. Even you can't miss that.
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19. I ought to...
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20. Benjamin, what's going on?
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21. You look so hot.
You look like you're gonna faint.
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22. Fresh air doesn't agree with me.
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23. Well, that's because your mother
raised you as veal.
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24. Come on. Let's go in here, all right?
There's air-conditioning.
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25. There are hundreds of movies,
all Academy Award winners.
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26. Mind the boccie balls.
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27. Lisa. Ike Herschkopf.
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28. - Hi.
- Thanks for coming.
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29. - You look gorgeous as always.
- Thank you.
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30. You don't mind if we get
a picture real quick?
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31. - Sure.
- Okay, so which button is—
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32. - It's on top.
- Do I have to wind it—
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33. No, no. It's ready.
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34. Okay.
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35. - Top.
- I pressed the wrong one.
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36. - Can I just go find my glasses?
- No. You know—
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37. It's okay. Hey, hey! Come. Come here.
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38. - Thank you.
- Okay.
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39. Come here. Can— Take this picture of us.
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40. - Enjoying yourself? Great.
- I am. I am.
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41. Gorgeous. I love the house.
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42. Thank you.
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43. - Success.
- Great.
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44. Come, I wanna show you these cows.
I got 'em in a gallery in the city.
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45. - Okay.
- They're so fun.
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46. Collect some of these wet towels,
will you?
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47. Okay, stay in this room.
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48. Stop. And then— Hey, where are you going?
Back in here.
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49. I'm gonna look for him— There he—
Come on. Say hi to your uncle, Lizzie.
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50. Uh-oh. Phyllis, call the exterminator.
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51. We've got pesky little critters
running around in the building.
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52. I made an appointment with Dr. Herschkopf
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53. - for you for this afternoon.
- Oh, my gosh. They're all over me.
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54. What are they, exactly?
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55. Let's see. They have a lot of fur, and—
Look at these little sticky paws.
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56. - Did you hear me?
- I can't go.
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57. - Why can't you go?
- Look,
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58. - I don't want to talk to some stranger—
- He's not a stranger.
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59. Rabbi Goldberg recommended him.
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60. No, I know. I know. Hey!
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61. Don't tickle me.
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62. Okay, girls, girls. Knock it off.
Leave your Uncle Marty alone.
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63. Come on, let's take the picture
before you ruin your outfits.
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64. Girls! Come. Come, come, come.
Let's go. Come on.
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65. Put the phone down, please.
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66. Is that yours?
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67. No. All right, thank you.
You look adorable.
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68. Look at this. Here's the question.
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69. Do they make traps big enough
to capture all these pesky critters?
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70. I'm sure they do. We got some in the back.
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71. Yeah, we do. Bruce, go get the broom.
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72. Yeah, we gotta get the—
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73. - Oh, my God! My head!
- Go get the broom!
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74. So, will you go?
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75. I don't need to see Dr. Herschkopf, okay?
I'm totally fine.
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76. Uh-oh.
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77. Looks like we do have some vermin
in the building.
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78. Oh, shoot!
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79. - All right, you take the camera.
- Yeah.
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80. - I'll deal with her. Okay?
- Yeah, okay.
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81. Fine.
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82. Here we go.
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83. - Deborah!
- Where is he?
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84. Good to see you as well.
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85. - Did you pass on my messages to Marty?
- Yes. All eight of them.
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86. Are you sure? 'Cause he didn't call back.
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87. Maybe that's because you two broke up.
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88. No. You don't break up with someone
by fax, Phyllis.
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89. No, I agree, but there are worse ways.
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90. My husband ended our marriage
by fucking his secretary.
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91. So, I'd take a fax any day.
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92. Okay, I don't really care. I just— Okay.
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93. I wanna see him.
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94. - He's not here.
- He can't keep hiding from me.
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95. I'm pretty sure he can.
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96. He owes me.
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97. Okay, let's cut this bullshit.
I can't. I can't with this today.
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98. He owes you nothing. It's over.
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99. There's something I need to talk
to him about.
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100. It's a private matter.
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101. Are you pregnant again?
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102. - How fucking dare you accuse me of that?
- Didn't you?
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103. - Fuck you, Phyllis.
- Listen to me.
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104. Marty is a nice guy.
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105. In fact, he's too nice. But I don't suffer
from that particular affliction
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106. and I will not let you exploit him.
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107. What are you? His guard dog?
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108. Worse. I'm his sister.
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109. A guard dog will just bite you,
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110. but a sister will rip out
your goddamn trachea
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111. and play it like a fucking flute.
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112. You get the difference?
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113. This is none of your goddamn business,
Phyllis!
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114. That's where you're wrong!
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115. Marty is my business.
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116. Okay.
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117. Okay.
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118. If he doesn't call me by this afternoon,
there's gonna be trouble.
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119. Well then, I guess there'll be trouble.
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120. - Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of trouble.
- No, I heard you the first time.
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121. - Kiss my fucking ass, Phyllis.
- Nice.
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122. Fucking bitch.
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123. Nice.
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124. Big smiles on three. One, two, three.
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125. Oh, my God. Okay. You know what?
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126. Forget smiling.
Just try to look less spooky.
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127. You look like the twins from The Shining
had another bunch of twins.
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128. Oh, Mr. Abelman, hold on one second, okay?
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129. Bruce, can you take over?
Just try to get 'em to smile.
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130. I mean, this hostage proof-of-life energy
is not working for me.
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131. I'll do my best.
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132. Let's see, you ordered
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133. the traveler curtain
in cotton velvet velour.
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134. - I did. With butterfly pleats.
- Yes.
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135. And as you can see it has
the directional pile and the matte finish.
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136. Is that Puccini? It seems dark.
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137. No, it's regular Puccini. I mean,
in this light it may look a little darker.
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138. - I don't—
- So we got you
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139. the sharkstooth gauze and two legs.
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140. Let me see the legs.
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141. What's that supposed to be?
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142. It's a velour leg in black.
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143. On the back.
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144. It's curtain lining.
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145. Why?
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146. It gives maximum opacity.
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147. I didn't order a curtain lining.
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148. Well, we just recommend that,
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149. you know, for new drapes,
to— to finish the drapes,
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150. so you have your curtain lining to,
you know, extend the life span.
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151. Are you deaf? I didn't ask for it.
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152. Look, we— we don't make it
without the curtain lining.
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153. - Oh, I bet you don't.
- I mean,
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154. - because it saves on wear and tear.
- Because you can charge more.
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155. - Listen.
- No, you listen.
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156. I didn't have to put up with this nonsense
when your father was in charge.
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157. I'm just trying to do what's best.
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158. Thirty-four years I've been coming here.
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159. - And we appreciate the business.
- Where's Jerome?
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160. - My uncle doesn't work here anymore.
- Why not?
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161. Because it's— it's— it's complicated.
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162. I want to speak to Jerome.
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163. Can you just hold on for one second?
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164. Mr. Abelman!
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165. Hi, how are you?
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166. I'm not paying a cent
until I've spoken to Jerome.
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167. I see.
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168. Could you give me one second, please?
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169. Marty, what are you doing?
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170. Now, you need to come out right now.
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171. Marty, stop it. Marty, put it down.
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172. Stop it.
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173. You're having a panic attack?
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174. What is the matter with you?
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175. What are you— What are you afraid of?
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176. He's just a grouchy old Talmud teacher
who's had ear hair since he was 30.
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177. What are you so scared about?
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178. Marty, look at me. You're in charge now.
You're the boss.
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179. Bosses don't chew the fabric, Marty.
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180. What's the matter?
Marty, are you fainting?
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181. Get up. No, get up now. Stop it.
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182. You gotta get out there. You gotta...
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183. Stop it! Marty, get up.
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184. Are you kidding me right now?
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185. Goddamn it, Marty!
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186. I'm sorry, Marty is
in a very important meeting right now.
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187. Behind the curtain?
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188. Yes, behind the curtain. How can I help?
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189. He put a lining on my curtain leg.
I didn't ask for it.
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190. And if you don't take it off the invoice,
I'll take my business elsewhere.
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191. Well,
we'll certainly be sad to see you go.
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192. Your father would not be happy.
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193. No, true.
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194. But then again, he never was, so...
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195. Bye, Mr. Abelman.
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196. Come on.
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197. Come here.
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198. Oh, Marty.
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199. Look at you.
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200. You're a grown man
smooshed against the wall,
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201. hiding behind a wall of curtains
in your own office.
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202. I— I had to get out of there.
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203. You need help, Marty.
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204. You gotta see Dr. Herschkopf.
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205. Hey, just one time.
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206. That's all I'm asking.
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207. Are you Marty?
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208. Welcome. Good to see you. Come.
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209. So, what brings you here?
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210. I don't know.
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211. I mean, that's the crazy thing.
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212. I— I'm fine.
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213. Everything's fine. It's so silly.
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214. Yeah.
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215. Phyllis made me come.
That's the real reason.
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216. Phyllis?
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217. My sister.
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218. She must be very persuasive.
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219. Well...
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220. So why does Phyllis
think you need to come?
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221. - Come again?
- Why does Phyllis think you need to come?
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222. I literally have no idea. It's ridiculous.
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223. If I had to guess, I couldn't.
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224. Everything's great.
I don't have any problems.
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225. I mean, I'm good.
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226. I'm like a cool breeze.
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227. Don't hear that very often.
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228. Well, that's my story.
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229. I feel bad.
I feel like this is a waste of your time.
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230. I'm sorry.
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231. I'm gonna go.
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232. Well, look. Hey.
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233. Huh?
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234. You're here.
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235. Might as well stay.
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236. Just to keep Phyllis quiet, right?
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237. True.
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238. So funny. Have a seat.
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239. Relax.
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240. It's okay. We can just shoot the breeze.
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241. - Okay.
- Okay.
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242. Is there any particular breeze
you'd like to shoot?
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243. All right.
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244. Well,
why don't you tell me about yourself?
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245. Well, not much to say.
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246. You know, born in New York.
Live in New York.
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247. Great job. Great life.
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248. You know? Nothing to say.
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249. You really don't wanna be here, do you?
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250. - Well, look—
- You know what?
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251. I think you're right.
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252. It's a beautiful day out.
Why don't we take a walk?
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253. A walk?
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254. Yeah.
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255. - Together?
- Sure. Why not?
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256. So, tell me about your great life.
I'm envious.
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257. Nothing really to tell.
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258. I love my job.
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259. I run a fabrics company.
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260. My dad used to run it, but now—
now my mom and dad are—
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261. Well, they're not— you know,
they aren't, uh...
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262. They left it to me in their will.
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263. How long ago did they pass away?
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264. How long?
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265. Is it pretty recent?
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266. So now you're the boss, huh?
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267. You like that?
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268. Uh-huh.
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269. People who work for you,
they coping with the transition?
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270. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're great.
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271. They're like a family.
I've known 'em my whole life.
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272. A great bunch of guys.
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273. I mean,
my uncle's suing me, but it's fine.
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274. He's suing you?
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275. Yeah. It's not a huge deal.
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276. Just, you know, normal family drama.
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277. He wants to run it.
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278. He doesn't think I can, but it'll be fine.
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279. Sounds pretty tough.
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280. No, really. It's fine.
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281. It's fine. It'll blow over.
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282. Are you married?
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283. I was seeing someone,
but we just split a few weeks ago.
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284. I'm so sorry.
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285. No. No, it's actually a good thing.
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286. I am so much better off without her.
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287. And the only problem is,
right before we split,
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288. I promised her a vacation to Mexico.
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289. And now she keeps showing up,
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290. saying that I owe her
a vacation to Mexico.
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291. You know.
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292. But apart from that,
everything really is—
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293. Fine?
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294. Yeah.
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295. Come on.
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296. Let's play.
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297. What?
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298. Basketball.
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299. Well, I don't really play all that much.
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300. Hi, guys. Need two more?
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301. - Yeah, sure.
- Yeah? Okay.
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302. - Yeah. Can run with them.
- All right.
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303. I'll be on your team.
You be on their team.
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304. - I'm not great at basketball.
- That's okay.
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305. - I just wanna warm up.
- Ah, we're just having fun, man.
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306. - All right. Here we go.
- Vamos! Vamos! Vamos!
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307. - All right. Come on.
- All right.
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308. - Check up.
- Check up.
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309. - It's on! Right there! Right there!
- Move! Come on. Come on!
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310. Hey, you know what your problem is?
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311. Yeah, I can't run and bounce
at the same time. It's a hand-eye thing.
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312. - Your problem is you're good-looking.
- No.
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313. - Successful.
- Not really.
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314. - And you've got money.
- Maybe.
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315. And you're nice. You're too nice.
You let people take advantage of you.
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316. - You think so?
- Watch him!
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317. Marty! Pass me! Me!
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318. - Pass! Pass!
- Pass me the ball!
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319. Look where you're throwing.
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320. What were you doing, man?
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321. What are you doing?
He's not even on our team!
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322. Man, I was open in the paint all damn day.
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323. What's wrong with you?
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324. - He said.
- Man, come on.
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325. He said! You said!
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326. Why would you do that?
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327. - No, you did that.
- You—
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328. I just asked you for the ball.
You didn't need to pass it to me.
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329. - All right. Let's go again.
- Check in.
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330. Loser's ball. Loser's ball.
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331. Who are you?
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332. I'm Marty Markowitz.
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333. Are you Easy Mark Markowitz?
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334. No.
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335. You're a tough guy, right? What are you?
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336. - A tough guy.
- That didn't sound very tough.
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337. That sounded wispy.
Billowy. Are you billowy?
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338. - No. I'm not billowy.
- No, you're not. Of course you're not.
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339. - I don't think so.
- No!
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340. And what aren't you gonna put up with?
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341. - Well, here's the thing. I did promise—
- You're not gonna put up with
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342. - any more of her BS.
- Watch it.
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343. - And what's she gonna get from you?
- Well, she said—
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344. Nothing. Nothing.
Are you gonna tell her that?
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345. I mean, she can be pretty difficult.
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346. Do it now. Call her.
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347. Now? I don't think now is the right time.
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348. No time like the present.
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349. Look, I'll even donate my own dime. Here.
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350. This call is gonna cost you nothing,
but it's gonna save you $1,000.
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351. And your peace of mind.
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352. I don't think I'm ready.
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353. Marty, I'm right here.
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354. Hey, Deborah. It's Mar—
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355. I'm sorry.
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356. I just haven't— I'm sorry.
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357. No, I— Look, work's been crazy.
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358. - I— I haven't been—
- You can do this.
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359. Listen.
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360. Here's the thing.
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361. I can't pay for you to go to Mexico
for a week.
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362. Uh-huh. Five days would be cheaper.
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363. - Yeah.
- No.
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364. Or— Or would you consider
three days in Poughkeepsie?
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365. - I have a coupon. There's spa privileges.
- No.
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366. No.
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367. - I have one.
- It doesn't matter.
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368. - I have two coupons, actually.
- That's not what you...
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369. - I'm sorry.
- Marty.
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370. - I— I— I'm so—
- Marty.
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371. Please don't yell at me.
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372. You don't need to ye—
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373. Okay. Marty. Come on, come on.
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374. Oh, no. Oh, no, you—
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375. - Breathe. Breathe.
- Oh, God.
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376. You hung up on her.
That's not gonna be good.
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377. - You shouldn't have hung up on her.
- It's okay. You all right?
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378. - Yeah.
- I feel you sweating through your coat.
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379. - I'm gonna pass out.
- You're not gonna pass out.
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380. You're not gonna pass out.
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381. We're right here. Okay? We're right here.
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382. - Let me get the— Let me get this.
- Yeah. Okay.
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383. - Just a little bit further to go.
- Okay.
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384. Hey, Joe. Do you have, maybe,
a seat, a chair,
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385. maybe a glass of water for my friend,
please?
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386. - Oh, no.
- Yeah, yeah. No, it's okay.
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387. Just relax. Just breathe.
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388. - Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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389. Here, sit down. Sit down.
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390. - Relax.
- Yeah.
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391. That's it. Breathe, okay? Just breathe.
Deeply. All right, in. Breathe in.
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392. One, two, three, four.
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393. Breathe out. Two, three, four.
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394. Breathe in. Thank you.
Great. You're doing great. Here.
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395. - Okay. Thank you.
- Have a few sips.
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396. - You're okay.
- Thank you.
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397. All right, breathe in.
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398. - I'm okay.
- Breathe out. There you go, yes.
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399. Is that the kind of advice
you charge all that money for?
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400. That's eight years of training
right there.
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401. - Great.
- Wow.
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402. - How you feeling?
- Yeah, much— much better.
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403. Better? You look better.
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404. - Yeah.
- Yeah, good.
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405. - Thank you.
- You were a little green around the gills.
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406. - I apologize.
- Not at all. No need.
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407. Say, Doc, I don't know, but I have
those items ready if you want them.
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408. Yeah. Okay, sure. Great.
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409. How you feeling?
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410. - Yeah. Good.
- Yeah?
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411. - I think I'm all right. Yeah. I just—
- Good.
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412. - All right. What do you think?
- Hey, all right!
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413. That's it. You're doing terrific.
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414. I li— Hey.
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415. Marty.
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416. What do you think? Recognize her?
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417. I don't think so.
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418. You don't recognize Jackie Stallone?
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419. Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling?
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420. - Oh. Yeah.
- Right. Right, right, right.
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421. Look, here's another—
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422. This is just a letter I had published
in The New York Times.
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423. About the death penalty.
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424. Trenchant.
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425. Would— would it be better
if the photo had a mat?
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426. Then the frames could be the same size.
Like, they'd balance each other.
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427. - You know, I think he might be right.
- Do you want me to do that? I can do that.
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428. Then if you use a green mat,
it'll pick up the green in your shirt.
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429. - You after my job?
- No. No.
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430. He's got a real eye.
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431. You want to take this one?
And then I'll adjust the Jackie Stallone?
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432. - Sure.
- Great.
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433. You're very good at this.
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434. I work with fabrics. I know about color.
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435. Why does your uncle say
you can't run the company?
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436. Because I can't.
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437. His words or yours?
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438. My words, which I know
everyone is secretly thinking.
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439. - I can't do it.
- I don't think that's true.
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440. You don't know me.
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441. I don't believe that about anyone.
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442. Every single human being
on the face of the earth can change.
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443. And they can strive
and improve themselves.
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444. They just have to want to.
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445. And you believe that to be true?
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446. My father told me
I wouldn't amount to anything.
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447. Look at me now.
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448. He was a Holocaust survivor.
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449. He's a hero.
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450. What do you do when a hero tells you
you're a loser?
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451. I don't know.
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452. Prove them wrong.
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453. All right. So, that is $37.
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454. You know what?
I left my wallet in the office.
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455. That's okay. I'll keep it till next time.
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456. I didn't know I was coming out. Shoot.
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457. It'll keep.
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458. Yeah.
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459. You know, I could pay you
for the session now. In cash.
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460. - Really?
- Sure.
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461. You know what—
It's fine, you don't have to.
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462. No, no, no. I want to.
Look, I owe you money. I should pay.
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463. No. I can come back.
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464. - It's okay.
- If there's one thing I'm good at,
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465. it's my accounts.
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466. I'm not gonna be the guy
who doesn't pay his bills.
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467. - It's fine. I don't—
- You're doing me a favor.
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468. You're saving me from writing a check
and having to mail it to you.
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469. Okay. Okay. Then, well, thank you.
It's— I appreciate it.
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470. - Absolutely.
- Well, that's very, very kind of you.
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471. Let's see, it's 45, right?
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472. - Right, yes.
- Right?
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473. - It is 45.
- Yeah.
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474. Is— Is that not 45?
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475. Right. No, no, it is.
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476. It's just— It's— It's 45 per hour.
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477. And we went over.
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478. Right. But you know what?
Don't worry. It's on me.
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479. No, no, no. I wanna pay the exact amount.
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480. Don't be silly. It's fine.
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481. - Absolutely not.
- Marty.
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482. Please.
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483. Let's see.
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484. - It's been an hour, 15.
- You don't—
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485. So, what would that be?
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486. Well, if you go into the second hour
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487. then I have to charge you
for the full hour.
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488. - Right, right, of course. No.
- But, honestly, it's fine.
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489. - Would you stop?
- No. This is what I wanna do.
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490. I'm trying to—
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491. - We're gonna do this.
- This— I mean...
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492. - Enough already.
- $90. I insist.
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493. - Marty, no. No. It's fine.
- It's done.
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494. - It's do— It's not—
- The money's in your hand.
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495. Thank you, Marty.
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496. - You're something else.
- There you go.
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497. - Joe, I'm gonna...
- Thank you.
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498. - Oh, no, I got it.
- ... give you your stool.
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499. - That was so kind of you, Joe.
- Come on, no. I got it.
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500. You are right though.
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501. I think with a beveled edge
and a green mat,
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502. - it's going to look...
- Where I'm coming from...
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503. - ... really nice.
- This shop is wonderful.
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504. Because you see it in the vest.
Marty, you know what?
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505. We still have a little bit of time left
in your session.
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506. So, you know what I think we should do?
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507. Take care of that Mexico business.
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508. - Thank you, Joe.
- Yeah. See you soon.
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509. I really don't think this is a good idea.
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510. In fact,
it could turn out to be a terrible idea.
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511. We're both gonna probably end up
buying her trips to Mexico.
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512. I'm not going to let that happen.
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513. You say that, but you don't know her.
You can't argue with her.
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514. She's like Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka,
but with her brain.
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515. You think you're winning,
then she ends up flying off the top rope
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516. and getting you in a headlock,
and it's over.
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517. Okay, well, put your leotards on,
'cause you can do this.
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518. She's not here, so—
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519. - Oh, my God, Marty. Finally.
- What "Oh, my God"?
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520. You get cut off on the phone,
you call back. That's the way life works.
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521. You don't understand life.
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522. - When you get cut...
- You didn't have to scream.
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523. - I wasn't screaming.
- You were screaming.
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524. I was not screaming.
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525. Fine. I— Look, I—
Okay, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.
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526. I get it. I get it. It's over.
But you promised me a trip to Mexico.
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527. And I found an ocean view at a hotel
in Cancún which has everything included...
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528. Okay. Well, that's—
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529. Unacceptable.
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530. Who are you?
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531. - Who is this?
- Marty is my client.
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532. Your client? You brought a lawyer?
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533. Marty will not be paying
for a trip to Mexico.
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534. But he promised.
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535. Any promise Marty made
was made verbally and not in writing.
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536. - Who gives a shit?
- It was also made in good faith,
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537. assuming the relationship was ongoing.
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538. No, he never said anything about that.
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539. I said I'd always wanted to go to Mexico,
and Marty said he would pay. Marty?
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540. You said you would pay. Right?
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541. - Are you trying to take advantage of him?
- No.
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542. It sounds like you are.
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543. Do you really want to be
that kind of person?
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544. No. He said.
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545. Marty, tell him.
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546. You said it. You said that you would pay.
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547. I can't speak to what he said before,
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548. but I can hear quite clearly
what he's saying now.
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549. And what he's saying is, "no more."
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550. Marty says you are to cease
and desist from calling,
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551. from coming to his workplace,
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552. and from any and all contact from him
or with any member of his family.
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553. Marty also says if you do not cease
and desist,
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554. he will not hesitate to use
the full force of the law against you.
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555. Marty says he will not be paying
for a trip to Mexico.
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556. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
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557. Marty also says,
if you continue in this vein,
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558. the only view your room will have
is a view of the prison yard.
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559. Martin.
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560. Did you say that?
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561. I said something very much to that effect.
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562. This meeting has been documented.
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563. Good day.
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564. It has been documented, so...
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565. Get out of my apartment.
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566. Oh, my God.
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567. - Did you see her face?
- I feel like I'm on drugs.
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568. I mean, I've never taken them before, but,
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569. I mean,
I assume this is what drugs feel like.
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570. - You feel good?
- I feel amazing.
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571. Wait, "view of the prison yard"?
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572. That was a stroke of genius.
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573. - It was, wasn't it? Give me five.
- Yeah.
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574. - Give me ten.
- Yeah.
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575. - Give me seven and a half.
- What's that?
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576. It's nothing. I'm messing around.
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577. Ah, you did it, Marty.
You stood up for yourself.
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578. Yeah.
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579. You're a good man, Marty.
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580. I'm fairly busy, but I like you.
And I think I could help you.
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581. Okay.
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582. You let people use you.
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583. I'm not gonna let anyone use you.
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584. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
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585. Sound good?
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586. Yeah. That sounds good.
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587. I'm gonna help you.
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588. And everything's gonna be all right.
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589. And the first thing I'm going to do
is completely unethical.
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590. I'm gonna give you a hug.
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591. I'm a hugger.
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592. - Hey.
- What?
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593. Look at those. How cool are they?
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594. Oh, yeah. Very cool.
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595. I'm gonna buy those one day.
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596. I feel like we robbed a bank or something.
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597. - Right?
- Almost.
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598. - I mean, the adrenaline.
- I know, I do.
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599. I don't think I'll sleep tonight.
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600. You know what? Have a mint tea.
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