1. I baptize you in Jesus's name.
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2. I baptize you in the name of...
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3. I baptize you in the
name of Jesus Christ.
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4. Welcome, friend. I baptize you
in the name of Jesus Christ.
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5. - God bless. God bless. Next.
- I baptize you...
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6. In Jesus's name.
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7. See? There you go.
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8. Everybody in your line keeps
getting water up their nose.
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9. You're dipping them back too far.
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10. How about you do it your way,
and I'll do it mine?
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11. How about you do it right?
How about that, huh?
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12. - Okay.
- Watch this. Get over here.
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13. I baptize you in the
name of Jesus Christ.
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14. Smooth movements. Do you get that?
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15. - You see how that works? Yeah.
- Oh, really?
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16. - "Smooth movements"?
- Nobody's coughing.
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17. No water's coming out of nobody's nose.
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18. Did you just splash me?
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19. - No. I don't know who splash...
- You splashing me?
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20. - I don't know who splashed you.
- Do it again...
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21. - See what I do.
- It wasn't...
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22. Y'all stop that. Stop that guffing
and keep these lines moving.
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23. Tell him. He's the one splashing people.
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24. I'm not splashing nobody.
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25. Long Wei, we got a bogey over here.
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26. Please tell him no photographs
during the ceremony.
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27. I'll leave right now...
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28. - if they're not gonna follow orders.
- You can take my picture.
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29. What the hell was that?
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30. I think somebody turned on the waves.
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31. Damn it. Tell them to turn it off.
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32. Long Wei! How do you say "Shut it down"?
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33. Guan.
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34. - Wan!
- Wan!
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35. - Wan!
- Wan!
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36. - Oh, jeez.
- Wan!
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37. - Wan!
- Wan!
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38. No!
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39. Here they come.
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40. Thank you, young lady.
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41. Ni hao, Daddy.
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42. That means "hello" in Chinese.
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43. I studied so much
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44. even though I wasn't
allowed to go with y'all.
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45. That's wonderful, baby doll.
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46. Welcome back. How was China?
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47. Hell of a long ride.
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48. 5,000 people baptized.
Sounds like a success to me.
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49. Yeah.
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50. How was China for you boys?
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51. I wouldn't know, 'cause
I was stuck here, being a secretary.
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52. Oh, here we go.
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53. I'm a Gemstone, too, Jesse.
I wanna do things too.
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54. Why does Daddy always overlook me, huh?
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55. Come on; don't get your
panties in a bunch, sis.
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56. Flying around on private planes,
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57. being leaders... That's men's business.
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58. I could do it.
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59. I'm more of a man than Kelvin is.
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60. Well, I ain't gonna
argue with you there.
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61. Don't turn this around on me.
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62. I got to go to China. She didn't.
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63. I'm definitely more of a man than her.
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64. - Kelvin, eat my ass.
- Yeah, right.
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65. That'd be incest,
and that is disgusting.
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66. Bye.
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67. Welcome home, Dr. Gemstone.
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68. My great apostle returns.
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69. - How did it go, baby?
- How you think it went?
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70. Daddy put me in charge,
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71. and I Ace of Based
that mission straight to the Lord.
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72. I knew you would.
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73. My king.
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74. - Welcome home, friend.
- Oh!
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75. Keefe, you scared the
bullcrud out of me.
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76. I'm sorry, man.
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77. I'd like to keep your ballcrud in you.
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78. Yeah, no. I know.
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79. How was the Land of the Rising Sun?
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80. Well, Land of the Rising Sun is Japan.
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81. That would've been awesome.
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82. We were in China,
and it sucked big-time.
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83. Jesse was just, like,
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84. riding me the whole time,
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85. fully up my butt.
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86. - Like, telling me what to do.
- Oh.
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87. Not letting me do me.
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88. - 'Cause when I do me...
- Yeah.
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89. - Good things happen.
- Yeah.
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90. I've got great methods.
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91. I know. Your methods rule.
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92. I appreciate that.
Pound that out, my man.
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93. Give me compliments.
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94. - Keefe, that's what's up.
- Yeah.
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95. So what's good, man?
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96. No issues here.
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97. I slept in your room one night
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98. but then felt odd,
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99. so I slept the rest of
the time here on the couch
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100. with no top sheet.
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101. Hey, man, you do not need
to feel odd sleeping in my bed.
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102. I told you you could.
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103. You're doing me a favor.
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104. I was aware I had your permission.
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105. I don't know.
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106. The energy in there is just unsettling.
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107. It's lonely.
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108. But, uh, the maids
changed the bedding anyways.
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109. And I put all your mail over
there on the kitchen counter.
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110. There's a lot of it.
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111. Good looking out, Keefe.
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112. - Hey.
- Home-run friendship.
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113. I'm just very appreciative.
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114. I know not everybody wanted me here.
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115. No, okay?
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116. That is bullarkey, my friend.
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117. Your past as a Satan
worshipper was washed away
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118. when you accepted Jesus
Christ, Our Savior,
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119. into your life.
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120. Everyone knows that.
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121. You are a success story to this family.
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122. - Nice.
- Gosh darn right, it's nice.
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123. I'm gonna head back to my place.
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124. I'm pretty bushed.
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125. Gonna go soak in the tub.
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126. What? No, man. Come on.
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127. Let's stay up late,
play some video games,
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128. smash some Pixy Stix.
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129. That sounds good.
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130. But I really need a soak.
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131. I haven't been to my place
in a while, and...
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132. I like to turn it up real hot.
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133. - Right on. That's what's up. Okay.
- Okay.
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134. Yeah.
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135. All right, well, it's been a while.
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136. - All right.
- Bro, hug it out. There we go.
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137. So happy you're home.
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138. Yeah. All right.
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139. All right.
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140. Night night.
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141. Night night also to you.
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142. Night night.
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143. Faggot.
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144. Excuse me?
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145. Kissing me in my bed.
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146. - I'm tucking you in.
- You woke me up.
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147. Don't use bad words.
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148. I got friends that are homosexuals.
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149. - I bet you do.
- Keep being fresh.
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150. See if some of your stuff
don't go on time-out.
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151. - I don't care.
- Oh, you will care, buddy,
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152. when you can't use any of your devices.
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153. Starting tomorrow,
you're doubling up on Bible studies.
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154. - I don't even believe in God.
- Yeah, you do.
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155. Well, when I turn 18,
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156. I'ma move to LA,
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157. and I'm never gonna talk
to any of you ever again.
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158. Just like Gideon.
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159. Don't you ever say his
name in my house again.
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160. Don't act surprised. You know the rules.
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161. That's not how I wanted to spend
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162. my first moments home from the mission.
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163. It really wasn't.
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164. Thank you, Krista.
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165. Could've used you on this
mission, my love.
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166. What time does she get here?
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167. All of Pontius's
devices are on time-out.
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168. I'm talking Xboxes, tablets,
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169. iPhones, the everything.
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170. He ain't gonna be playing with nothing.
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171. For how long?
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172. I don't know. A week?
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173. Two weeks? Three weeks?
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174. I support you.
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175. I just don't understand why
he behaves the way he does with me.
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176. I'm nothing but nice to him.
I been trying all this time.
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177. to shut up.
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178. Running his damn mouth.
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179. - I totally understand.
- Mm-hmm.
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180. It's hard. I know.
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181. But you know he just
misses you know who.
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182. Eh.
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183. Yeah, I bet he does.
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184. Well, guess what?
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185. That ain't my problem.
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186. - That's on him.
- I hear you.
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187. He's just feeling big feelings.
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188. It's okay.
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189. If he doesn't get his behavior right,
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190. we're gonna send him to a damn camp.
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191. I'll send him to South America.
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192. You fuckin' watch.
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193. Okay.
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194. Oh! I think I'm in love.
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195. - Oh!
- Ooh.
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196. - Oh!
- It's a treat.
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197. Oh, dear God.
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198. Ooh! Lord.
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199. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Yes.
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200. Oh, there we go, huh?
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201. Oh, thank you.
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202. Fuck.
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203. Fuck.
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204. Oh, shit.
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205. You okay, baby?
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206. Yeah. I'm okay.
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207. Okay.
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208. Very good.
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209. Oh, God.
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210. Shit. Shit.
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211. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
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212. Son of a bitch!
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213. Baby?
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214. Baby.
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215. Baby Jesus loves us.
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216. Where are you going?
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217. Uh, I realized that I
forgot something at church.
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218. I'ma run back real quick.
I'll be right back, all right?
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219. - Okay.
- I'm good.
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220. You're good. Love you.
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221. Love you too.
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222. I know I shouldn't feel
self-conscious about my nose,
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223. but I am.
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224. I just wanna look as handsome
as I can for our special day.
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225. Aw.
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226. Live up to the Gemstone standards.
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227. We don't have standards.
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228. I mean, we do.
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229. We have a lot of 'em.
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230. And they're real high.
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231. But you were fine already.
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232. Oh, God. Somebody's coming.
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233. Shit. Should I hide?
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234. I know your daddy's rules about
cohabitation before marriage.
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235. I'm hiding.
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236. You can come out. It's just Jesse.
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237. Where's he going?
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238. Hopefully off a fucking cliff
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239. with his whole family in the car.
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240. Yeah, I hope he dies too, baby.
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241. - BJ!
- What?
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242. I was just going along
with what you said.
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243. No, I can say it. You can't say it.
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244. Oh, Jesus. Fuck.
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245. Oh, God, I'm so stupid.
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246. Okay. What the fuck is this?
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247. Hey, Mr. Party Boy.
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248. I don't know what kind of game
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249. you fellas are playing,
but I don't like it.
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250. Oh, we're not playing a
game, Mr. Party Boy.
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251. Stop calling me "party boy."
I'm not a party boy.
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252. Well, from the looks of that video,
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253. you are the king of party boys.
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254. You and your friends,
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255. a few prostitutas.
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256. I am sure the congregation, the media,
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257. your family would love to
see you enjoying yourself.
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258. Who are you?
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259. I'm the devil, son.
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260. You think messing with a man
of the Lord is easy pickings?
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261. You don't think I'll fight back?
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262. One million dollars.
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263. Sunday, 10:00 p.m.
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264. Here!
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265. Or the video gets leaked.
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266. You're making a big mistake, pal.
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267. I refuse to be blackmailed!
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268. Well, you kinda are.
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269. I mean, that's pretty
much exactly what this is,
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270. party boy.
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271. Fuck!
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272. Together, Eli and Aimee-Leigh
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273. built a Christian empire
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274. including their flagship campus,
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275. Gemstone Salvation Center,
covering over...
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276. Brother pastors?
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277. How many do you pack in here on Sundays?
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278. Honestly, I can't even count.
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279. I mean, I can, but you get it.
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280. Ah, brother pastors...
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281. soon-to-be neighbors in Locust Grove,
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282. thanks for paying us a visit.
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283. Nice to meet you, Reverend.
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284. John Wesley Seasons.
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285. Thank you for taking the time
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286. for seeing a few Podunk
preachers like us.
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287. Oh, come on, big flock, little flock,
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288. we all work for the same boss.
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289. And we all punch the same clock.
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290. - Every day. Amen.
- Amen.
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291. Daddy, uh, I'm sorry.
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292. Uh, just before we get too
deep into this conversation...
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293. I didn't know if...
If you needed both of us.
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294. What?
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295. I just have a lot of important issues
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296. to take care of for the Lord today.
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297. And I didn't know if maybe I
could get to doing that now
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298. and maybe you two guys
just take this meeting
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299. with the Podunk ministers.
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300. Jesse,
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301. these men traveled here to visit us.
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302. We're gonna give them the
face time they deserve.
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303. Brother pastors, we all
have churches in Locust Grove.
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304. I lead a congregation of 1,800.
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305. Gabe here has got
1,000 at New Pentecost.
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306. Stephen from Highway Assemblies
is holding strong at 1,200,
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307. and Jeremiah's working hard.
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308. His new ministry's up to
700 in just two years.
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309. Good for you, Brother Jeremiah.
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310. We're small-town, humble folks,
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311. so that operation
you're building there...
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312. That prayer center...
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313. We're concerned that
it'd be a disruption.
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314. "Disruption"?
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315. Well, to be honest with you,
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316. we're scared you're gonna run
us out of our own hometown.
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317. I see.
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318. And I understand where
you're coming from.
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319. I'm a small-town boy myself.
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320. Don't let the big-city clothes fool you.
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321. See, brothers?
I told you he'd understand.
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322. Oh, and, uh, you know,
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323. Sheffield's only about an hour away.
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324. Maybe that's a good alternative?
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325. It's only got one church.
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326. Hmm.
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327. One church...
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328. Seems like a town filled
with nonbelievers.
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329. But Locust Grove has four churches...
your churches.
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330. And you're right.
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331. They are modest-sized ministries.
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332. If we were to come in,
scoop up one of your churches,
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333. maybe that ain't worth our time.
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334. But if we were to scoop
up all four churches,
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335. now you're talking.
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336. Between the four of you,
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337. you got decent numbers.
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338. I don't follow.
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339. Are you saying you're intentionally
coming for our flock?
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340. Did we have anything
else to discuss today,
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341. brother pastors?
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342. So we're good?
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343. - Ah.
- Great.
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344. I gotta boogie. Thanks for coming out.
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345. - Wonderful to meet you.
- Okay. Follow me.
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346. I'll show you the way out.
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347. Martin!
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348. Hey, can I have a word
with you for a moment?
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349. I'm busy now. Can we talk later?
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350. Oh, come on.
You ain't unloading ice cream.
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351. This is gift shop merch.
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352. This shit ain't gonna melt.
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353. Come on. Give me a moment.
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354. Pause the work.
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355. Go on.
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356. Okay? I love y'all, but just disperse.
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357. Come on, guys. Hustle. Hustle it.
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358. There you go. God bless.
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359. God bless. Go on.
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360. Get the fuck outta here.
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361. Martin,
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362. a, uh, wonderful
opportunity has arisen, uh,
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363. that I think could be highly
beneficial for the church...
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364. Something I'd like to spearhead.
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365. Oh. Mission work?
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366. Yeah, yeah. Kind of.
Yeah, pretty much so.
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367. Uh, I'd really like a chance
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368. to get the ball rolling, like, ASAP:
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369. so I was hoping to get some,
uh, funds transferred to me.
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370. - J... just go and get them op...
- How much do you require?
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371. Look at you.
I know what you're thinking.
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372. No, it ain't for gamblin'.
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373. No, it's actually for
a pretty good deal.
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374. But I wanna keep it a surprise,
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375. so don't tell Daddy,
don't tell nobody...
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376. How much, Jesse?
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377. Not a lot.
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378. Like, a million bucks.
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379. Uh, if I could get it now,
or at the latest, on Sunday...
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380. Then we could really maximize
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381. - the opportunities that the...
- You...
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382. are a very silly man, Jesse.
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383. I can't give you a million dollars
without your daddy knowing.
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384. - Course you can.
- Mm.
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385. Daddy trusts you and your judgments.
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386. I can't do it, Jesse.
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387. - Yeah, you can.
- Jesse.
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388. Martin, please.
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389. Listen to what God wants.
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390. Are you listening?
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391. I... listen to your daddy.
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392. Damn it all to hell, Martin.
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393. Please, no cursing.
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394. Martin, that is not
what the Lord told me.
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395. - A million dollars.
- Yeah, the Lord said,
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396. "Go to Martin and get a million dollars.
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397. Hi, Mommy.
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398. Meow, Mommy.
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399. - All right.
- Meow, meow, Mommy.
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400. Oh, no.
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401. Get Lucien or one of the others
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402. to fetch that out of there.
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403. I come here every day.
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404. I can feel your mama's presence here.
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405. It puts me at ease.
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406. And I've been thinking
about this China trip.
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407. Jesse?
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408. You had the reins on this one.
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409. Thoughts?
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410. Uh, I thought that, uh,
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411. Mother's dream was finally realized.
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412. Her vision to minister to
the people of the Far East,
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413. uh, you know, accomplished.
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414. 5,000 people baptized in a...
In a beautiful ceremony.
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415. It was a shitshow.
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416. Now, I'm not gonna say that
in front of the church,
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417. but it... That was an embarrassment.
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418. Don't laugh, Judy.
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419. I... I wasn't laughing at that,
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420. Daddy. I was just...
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421. I was recalling some
funny vids I just saw
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422. of animals acting like fools.
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423. That's why I was laughing. So...
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424. I've heard you've had
some company at your home.
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425. Who?
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426. Your little boyfriend and you
have been shacking up.
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427. Daddy, he's my fiancé, all right?
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428. He's not just my boyfriend.
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429. And BJ will be a Gemstone soon enough.
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430. He ain't even a believer.
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431. - Wha... yes, he is, Jesse.
- No, he's not.
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432. Amber showed me some
posts he made on Facebook.
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433. Guess what, Daddy?
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434. They're proabortion. So there's that.
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435. - No, Daddy, they weren't.
- Yeah, they were.
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436. BJ does not like killing babies.
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437. He likes little babies.
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438. No, I saw those posts, too, Daddy.
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439. - No, you didn't, Kelvin.
- Yeah, I did.
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440. - Very proabortion.
- No, it was not, Daddy.
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441. And you know what?
They won't give him a chance.
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442. - That's what's happening.
- Why would we?
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443. He's a dud. He's a snooze.
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444. Yeah, you bring home a boring-ass
white boy to the family.
Copy !req
445. - Good job.
- No, no.
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446. He's a interesting-ass white boy.
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447. This family is lost.
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448. Your mama...
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449. kept everybody getting along...
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450. Kept everybody on track.
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451. She was the magic.
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452. And now she's gone.
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453. And the magic is gone too.
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454. It's gonna be okay, Daddy.
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455. Yeah, Daddy, we...
we still got lots of magic.
Copy !req
456. Plenty of magic, Daddy.
Copy !req
457. I gotta tell y'all something, Daddy.
Copy !req
458. There's a video...
Copy !req
459. With... with some stuff on it.
Copy !req
460. - Uh...
- What stuff on a video?
Copy !req
461. It... it's just, like,
a... it's... it's a...
Copy !req
462. There's a video.
Copy !req
463. Like what? Like a YouTubes?
Copy !req
464. No, Kelvin, not like a YouTubes,
Copy !req
465. you dummy.
Copy !req
466. Golly, Jesse.
What's it, a motion picture?
Copy !req
467. No, not a motion picture!
Copy !req
468. It's like... It's just, like, a...
Copy !req
469. It's whatever.
Just forget it, all right?
Copy !req
470. Go on, boy.
Copy !req
471. What's got you upset?
Copy !req
472. Nah, it's...
Copy !req
473. it's just a video I saw of Mama
Copy !req
474. just doing some nice stuff for us,
Copy !req
475. being cool.
Copy !req
476. I just miss Mom. That's all, Daddy.
Copy !req
477. I miss Mama.
Copy !req
478. I miss your mama too.
Copy !req
479. What was she doing in the video?
Copy !req
480. Shut up.
Copy !req
481. Yo. Hey.
Copy !req
482. Jesse.
Copy !req
483. You were not crying about Mama.
Copy !req
484. - Mm-mm.
- I know your sad cries.
Copy !req
485. It has way more moaning.
Copy !req
486. That was a fearful cry.
Copy !req
487. Kelvin, I know you see
me as the firstborn,
Copy !req
488. strongest in the family,
Copy !req
489. but the truth is, I got emotions too.
Copy !req
490. I don't look at you that way.
Copy !req
491. - Yeah, you do.
- I don't.
Copy !req
492. No, of course you do.
Copy !req
493. I do not.
Copy !req
494. Look, the stuff that Dad said back there
Copy !req
495. really affected me, you know?
Copy !req
496. Gemstones need to stick together, man.
Copy !req
497. And lately, you and I, well,
we've been bickering a lot.
Copy !req
498. - We can do better.
- Yeah, well, I will admit that...
Copy !req
499. you have been prancin'
upon my nerves a lot lately.
Copy !req
500. - Prancin' upon your nerves?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
501. What the hell does that even mean?
Copy !req
502. You're doing the moonwalk
on my nerves, man.
Copy !req
503. - Oh, give me a break.
- You're dancing upon 'em.
Copy !req
504. Give me a break.
I don't know how I'm doing that
Copy !req
505. when you're the one
getting on my damn nerves.
Copy !req
506. - Oh, I'm getting on your nerves?
- Yeah, all the damn time.
Copy !req
507. You're the one that's always
constantly in my business,
Copy !req
508. telling me what I should
and should not do.
Copy !req
509. I'm trying to guide you, son.
Copy !req
510. You know what? Fine. Okay. I agree.
Copy !req
511. We should all make more of
an effort, not just me.
Copy !req
512. All of us. For Mama.
Copy !req
513. Agreed.
Copy !req
514. You know, I hate to cash
in on this so quickly,
Copy !req
515. but dark forces are at work, Kelvin.
Copy !req
516. Evil forces that wish
to destroy our family.
Copy !req
517. Evil forces?
Copy !req
518. I have so much fun
doing things for others.
Copy !req
519. - You do.
- Yeah, of course I do.
Copy !req
520. And I enjoy it
Copy !req
521. because I don't expect
to get nothing in return.
Copy !req
522. Mm, well...
Copy !req
523. You get stuff in return.
Copy !req
524. No, Victoria. That's not true.
Copy !req
525. Well, you have a pretty nice house.
Copy !req
526. What? This old thing?
Copy !req
527. You fly on private jets.
Copy !req
528. Well, the jets belong
to the church, not us.
Copy !req
529. But I see you.
Copy !req
530. The devil just jumped right
in you there for a second,
Copy !req
531. didn't he?
Copy !req
532. Made you challenge me.
Copy !req
533. Hold on.
Copy !req
534. It's okay.
Copy !req
535. He's gone now.
Copy !req
536. I can tell you're back to normal.
Copy !req
537. Just don't let that happen again.
Copy !req
538. - Ding-dong.
- Oh!
Copy !req
539. There's my man.
Copy !req
540. And he brought his brother
Copy !req
541. with them big, black boots on.
Copy !req
542. Take them boots off, Kelvin.
Copy !req
543. Everyone else has their shoes on.
Copy !req
544. I'm not having a tile floor with big,
black skid marks.
Copy !req
545. Get 'em off.
Copy !req
546. Just do it. Take 'em off.
Copy !req
547. We're gonna work on the, uh, China
outreach presentation for Sunday.
Copy !req
548. - Those other fellas show up?
- Yes.
Copy !req
549. I told them to wait for
you in the theater room.
Copy !req
550. You're my number one.
Copy !req
551. I know I am, baby.
Copy !req
552. God, I have hitched my wagon to a...
Copy !req
553. Force for good.
Copy !req
554. Ain't I lucky, ladies?
Copy !req
555. - Yes.
- Lucky.
Copy !req
556. Okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
557. Just none of y'all come down
to the theater room, all right?
Copy !req
558. - Secrets?
- No. No secrets.
Copy !req
559. Surprises.
Copy !req
560. Don't come downstairs.
Copy !req
561. Okay.
Copy !req
562. Looks like your boots will scuff too.
Copy !req
563. You know Chad, Gregory, Levi, Matthew.
Copy !req
564. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Copy !req
565. Hey, guys. 'Sup, Levi?
Copy !req
566. Nobody's really interested
in a saying a "'sup."
Copy !req
567. Why don't you go on and take a seat
on the couch there, Kelvin.
Copy !req
568. Why's everyone wearing their shoes?
Copy !req
569. She didn't make you take your shoes off?
Copy !req
570. Stop talking about the shoes.
Copy !req
571. The shoes don't matter.
Copy !req
572. I brought you here because
I'm gonna share something with you
Copy !req
573. that's highly personal.
Copy !req
574. You can't tell nobody about this, okay?
Copy !req
575. I understand you.
Copy !req
576. It just does this on its own.
Copy !req
577. Oh!
Copy !req
578. Oh.
Copy !req
579. Oh!
Copy !req
580. - Oh!
- Oh, dear God.
Copy !req
581. Let me help.
Copy !req
582. What is this?
Copy !req
583. Sh... shut up, Kelvin.
Copy !req
584. It's what I'm showing you.
Copy !req
585. Oh, Lord. Yes.
Copy !req
586. Oh, Lord.
Copy !req
587. Oh! Whose is that?
Copy !req
588. - Mine.
- Oh, there we go, huh?
Copy !req
589. Chad's.
Copy !req
590. What... what are you guys even doing?
Copy !req
591. What's it look like we're doing, Kelvin?
Copy !req
592. We're fucking partying.
Copy !req
593. The Prayer Power Convention. Atlanta.
Copy !req
594. Oh, Jesse, what in God's name?
Copy !req
595. I know, Kelvin!
Copy !req
596. Don't be pompous about it, all right?
Copy !req
597. Don't take glee in it.
Copy !req
598. I'm being blackmailed.
Copy !req
599. Somebody sent me this video.
Copy !req
600. They said they're gonna
leak the whole damn thing
Copy !req
601. unless I pay them a
million dollars by Sunday.
Copy !req
602. A million bucks.
Copy !req
603. My wife is gonna leave me.
Copy !req
604. I won't be allowed to adopt.
Copy !req
605. Yeah, we're all gonna be screwed, okay?
Copy !req
606. That's why this tape
ain't gonna come out.
Copy !req
607. Gregory, look at me.
Copy !req
608. We're gonna be okay.
We're gonna get through this, okay?
Copy !req
609. We're gonna have to pay these fellas.
Copy !req
610. Okay, well,
Copy !req
611. good luck getting a million bucks
Copy !req
612. without Daddy finding out.
Copy !req
613. Well, that's what you're here for.
Copy !req
614. You gonna take out 500K.
Copy !req
615. I'm gonna take out the other 500K.
Copy !req
616. That way,
it'll be easier for us to hide.
Copy !req
617. - Hide?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
618. You're the baby of the family.
Dad don't care if you spend money.
Copy !req
619. Yes, he does.
Copy !req
620. Remember when I tried to get that Fiat
Copy !req
621. just 'cause I wanted something small
to toot around in, get groceries,
Copy !req
622. and what have you?
He said, "Absolutely not."
Copy !req
623. Kelvin, I am being blackmailed.
Copy !req
624. This is a very serious
situation, all right?
Copy !req
625. I mean, lives are at stake here...
Copy !req
626. Personal reputations.
Copy !req
627. Well, maybe you all
should've thought about that
Copy !req
628. before you were hanging out
Copy !req
629. with your dongs out and doing cocaine.
Copy !req
630. You are such a puss.
Copy !req
631. - I'm not a puss.
- Yeah, you are.
Copy !req
632. If anything, I'm the opposite of that.
Copy !req
633. - No.
- Bigger than Chad's.
Copy !req
634. Everybody in this family
might play patty-cake
Copy !req
635. with you, buddy, but I ain't going to.
Copy !req
636. You're a shitty minister,
Copy !req
637. and you're an even shittier brother.
Copy !req
638. You take that back.
Copy !req
639. No, I will not.
Copy !req
640. You really think I'm a shitty minister?
Copy !req
641. I think you're the fucking worst.
Copy !req
642. Well, good luck when Daddy finds out.
Copy !req
643. - You ain't gonna help?
- Nope.
Copy !req
644. All right, well,
if you ain't gonna help, that's on you.
Copy !req
645. But you better not tell.
Copy !req
646. Don't tell, motherfucker!
Copy !req
647. Please stop crying, Chad.
Copy !req
648. It's making me feel odd in here.
Copy !req
649. Hi. I'm Jesse Gemstone.
Copy !req
650. I'm Kelvin Gemstone.
Copy !req
651. And I'm Eli Gemstone.
Copy !req
652. Stop the hate,
Copy !req
653. and celebrate what
the Lord has given us.
Copy !req
654. Come worship with my family
and celebrate our Lord.
Copy !req
655. You gonna answer that or
just let it piss me off?
Copy !req
656. Excuse me.
Copy !req
657. Hey, Leon, could we slow
the teleprompter down?
Copy !req
658. one last chance to give this up.
Do you hear me?
Copy !req
659. Do you know how this works, man?
Copy !req
660. You must be confused.
Copy !req
661. I hope you have our million
all bundled and ready to go.
Copy !req
662. I'm already putting shit on layaway.
Copy !req
663. Tonight. 10:00 p.m.
Copy !req
664. Why are you doing this? Why, damn it?
Copy !req
665. Maybe you deserve it.
Copy !req
666. Shit!
Copy !req
667. Shit! Fuck!
Copy !req
668. God damn it!
Copy !req
669. God! Shit! Fuck!
Copy !req
670. Shit!
Copy !req
671. Hi. I'm Jesse Gemstone.
Copy !req
672. I'm Kelvin Gemstone.
Copy !req
673. And I'm Eli Gemstone.
Copy !req
674. How many of you in here
have ever been to China?
Copy !req
675. Raise your hands.
Copy !req
676. Not many.
Copy !req
677. I understand.
Copy !req
678. Their world is very different...
Copy !req
679. The food, the clothes they like,
Copy !req
680. the smells they have. I...
Copy !req
681. didn't care for it much, myself.
Copy !req
682. But it was a dream of my wife
Copy !req
683. to witness to the people of China
Copy !req
684. because she knew
Copy !req
685. - that, despite our many differences...
- Get out of here.
Copy !req
686. The one thing that is not different
Copy !req
687. - is their love for Jesus.
- Amen.
Copy !req
688. It's the same love we have.
Copy !req
689. Boys,
Copy !req
690. come on out here
Copy !req
691. and let's share with our friends, here,
Copy !req
692. our Chinese Oriental experience...
Copy !req
693. - I don't care.
- we share...
Copy !req
694. China!
Copy !req
695. The land of discovery.
Copy !req
696. I can't think of the last
time I had as much fun
Copy !req
697. as I did spreading the
gospel with my daddy
Copy !req
698. and dear brother in Chengdu.
Copy !req
699. What a hoot.
Copy !req
700. Or, as they say in Mandarin...
Copy !req
701. Now it is our honor
Copy !req
702. to share that experience with you
Copy !req
703. through the power of a 4K photo montage.
Copy !req
704. And we put music to it.
Copy !req
705. Roll it!
Copy !req
706. - Look at them.
- Wow.
Copy !req
707. Look at them.
Copy !req
708. Bless their heart.
Copy !req
709. Oh, your mama would've loved that.
Copy !req
710. Jesse,
Copy !req
711. would you like to tell
our friends in here
Copy !req
712. the experience you had?
Copy !req
713. Uh, yes, Daddy. Uh,
the most amazing experience
Copy !req
714. was just looking into
the eyes of those people.
Copy !req
715. The Chinese folks?
Copy !req
716. Yes, Kelvin,
of course the Chinese folks.
Copy !req
717. Who else would I be talking about?
Copy !req
718. How many Chinese souls did we save?
Copy !req
719. Five, Daddy. 5,000, Daddy.
Copy !req
720. - 5,000 souls.
- 5,000.
Copy !req
721. 5,000.
Copy !req
722. If you've ever wondered
why tithing is important,
Copy !req
723. right there up on that screen is why.
Copy !req
724. Eli.
Copy !req
725. I heard you come here
every Sunday after church.
Copy !req
726. For years.
Copy !req
727. What do you need from me today,
brother pastor?
Copy !req
728. You closed on that
property in Locust Grove.
Copy !req
729. I'm surprised we couldn't have, uh,
Copy !req
730. worked something out.
Copy !req
731. Look, if you wanna speak
with the Gemstones,
Copy !req
732. you need to, uh, schedule an appointment
Copy !req
733. through my sister.
Copy !req
734. Or on our website.
Copy !req
735. I'm talking to your daddy, boys.
Copy !req
736. Johnny Seasons thinks he's a big shot.
Copy !req
737. Look at him.
Copy !req
738. Well, go on, big shot.
You got everybody's attention.
Copy !req
739. What do you got to say to me?
Copy !req
740. Make it good.
I got church lunch waiting.
Copy !req
741. You got no business in Locust Grove.
Copy !req
742. No reason.
Copy !req
743. No reason but greed.
Copy !req
744. People there are served.
Copy !req
745. It ain't right, and you ain't building
that temple for the Lord.
Copy !req
746. You're building it for yourselves.
Copy !req
747. You're afraid we're gonna come to town
Copy !req
748. and take your congregation.
Copy !req
749. Did you ever think,
Copy !req
750. if your followers come with us,
Copy !req
751. maybe they weren't your
followers to begin with?
Copy !req
752. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Copy !req
753. Well...
Copy !req
754. I ain't.
Copy !req
755. Praise be to He.
Copy !req
756. Good day, brother pastor.
Copy !req
757. The Gemstones are a disgrace,
Copy !req
758. an absolute disgrace to all ministries.
Copy !req
759. Con men. Baboons.
Copy !req
760. Hypocrite.
Copy !req
761. It wouldn't be Sunday if
I didn't have a belly full
Copy !req
762. of meat and rolls.
Copy !req
763. - Ain't that right, Eli?
- That's right, Brother Martin.
Copy !req
764. I can put down some meat and rolls,
you've seen me.
Copy !req
765. Oh, yeah. We both can.
Copy !req
766. I never eat meat anymore.
Copy !req
767. Why you look different?
Copy !req
768. What? Excuse me?
Copy !req
769. Your face. Why does it look different?
Copy !req
770. - It does.
- No.
Copy !req
771. Yeah, like your nose is,
like, shiny or something.
Copy !req
772. Jesse, don't make him
feel self-conscious
Copy !req
773. about his face, okay?
Copy !req
774. I think I know what's going on.
Copy !req
775. I think you got yourself a nose job.
Copy !req
776. Did you get some plastic surgery, buddy?
Copy !req
777. I exfoliated last night,
so it's probably still
Copy !req
778. - open pores.
- That's not exfoliation.
Copy !req
779. - No.
- He exfoliated.
Copy !req
780. - I watched him do it.
- Did you get a face-lift?
Copy !req
781. Okay. Yeah, real funny.
Copy !req
782. How about I make some jokes about Amber?
Copy !req
783. Try it. Go for it.
Copy !req
784. She's a smoke show.
Nothing to make fun of.
Copy !req
785. She could make fun of your kids.
Copy !req
786. Y'all ain't bulletproof.
Copy !req
787. - Make fun of our kids?
- Yep.
Copy !req
788. - You mean your nephews?
- Yep.
Copy !req
789. Behind your backs and also
in front of you right now.
Copy !req
790. Whatever. At least we have kids.
Copy !req
791. - That's right.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
792. Not as many as you used to have.
Copy !req
793. Gideon ran away.
Copy !req
794. You gonna rot in hell
for making light of that.
Copy !req
795. - No, I won't.
- Kelvin, apologize right now.
Copy !req
796. - That's not nice.
- You're right. Sorry, Dad.
Copy !req
797. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
798. Daddy, what about what
they were saying about BJ's face?
Copy !req
799. They need to be sorry for that.
Copy !req
800. Oh, I love how you've gotta fight
your boyfriend's battles for him.
Copy !req
801. You know what? I know I'm new here,
Copy !req
802. but I'm just gonna say it.
Copy !req
803. Y'all treat Judy like a child.
Copy !req
804. That's why Judy and I are
moving off the compound.
Copy !req
805. Oh, okay. I don't know if we need to...
Copy !req
806. Judy.
Copy !req
807. What's he talking about?
Copy !req
808. We just want to do what's
right for our family.
Copy !req
809. For our future.
Copy !req
810. We've been looking at a
penthouse in the city.
Copy !req
811. A penthouse in the city?
Copy !req
812. I don't sound like that.
Copy !req
813. BJ, buddy, you better learn your place.
Copy !req
814. News flash: this family
is so regressive.
Copy !req
815. Always keeping women in the shadows,
Copy !req
816. not contributing or
being a part of anything.
Copy !req
817. You know what I think, BJ...
sorry, baby, can I talk?
Copy !req
818. Go on, baby.
Copy !req
819. I think you better mind your
manners at church lunch.
Copy !req
820. Everyone here is trying
to have a good time,
Copy !req
821. and you are stepping way out of line.
Copy !req
822. Sorry I spoke.
Copy !req
823. - Should be.
- No.
Copy !req
824. Uh-uh. Do not be sorry.
Copy !req
825. I'm not... then I'm not sorry.
Copy !req
826. - Yeah.
- You gonna let this wisp
Copy !req
827. of a man talk you into
betraying your family?
Copy !req
828. - Wisp?
- Jesse, sitting over there
Copy !req
829. talking about "betraying families,"
that's hilarious.
Copy !req
830. All right, Kelvin,
I've had about enough, all right?
Copy !req
831. Say one more effing word,
Copy !req
832. I swear to God, say one more thing.
Copy !req
833. - Sit down, the both of you.
- No, how about,
Copy !req
834. you stand here and tell your family
Copy !req
835. what kind of man you really are.
Copy !req
836. - Huh, Jesse?
- How about you just go on
Copy !req
837. and suck your Satanic
boyfriend Keefe off.
Copy !req
838. - How about that?
- Piece of shit!
Copy !req
839. God!
Copy !req
840. Baby, no...
Copy !req
841. My nose!
Copy !req
842. - My nose!
- Jesse, you asshole!
Copy !req
843. - I did not mean to do that.
- My nose!
Copy !req
844. - Enough.
- Jesse!
Copy !req
845. Enough!
Copy !req
846. Hey!
Copy !req
847. It's assault, Daddy!
Someone should press a charge!
Copy !req
848. I hope the devil fucks you dry!
Copy !req
849. - Get over here.
- Why... why come?
Copy !req
850. Don't ask why come,
Copy !req
851. just get over here right now,
Kelvin Gemstone.
Copy !req
852. Now go sit down, the both of you.
Copy !req
853. You all ought to be glad
your mama still ain't around.
Copy !req
854. The way you treat each
other would break her heart.
Copy !req
855. Maybe Johnny Seasons was right.
Copy !req
856. Maybe this family has
become an abomination.
Copy !req
857. Daddy, slap me too.
Copy !req
858. I'm a Gemstone too so slap my face.
Copy !req
859. Daddy's good and pissed off now
Copy !req
860. so way to escalate the conflict.
Copy !req
861. Well, don't start shit next time.
Copy !req
862. With everything I got going on,
Copy !req
863. you can't be the bigger man?
Copy !req
864. Looks like I am the bigger man.
Copy !req
865. You wish.
Copy !req
866. Don't wish. I know. I just saw.
Copy !req
867. Not that you care,
but I finally figured out
Copy !req
868. who the blackmailer is.
Copy !req
869. Seems pretty obvious.
Not really sure how I missed it.
Copy !req
870. Who?
Copy !req
871. Johnny Seasons.
Copy !req
872. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
873. No, I'm not kidding.
Makes perfect sense.
Copy !req
874. We're trying to move in on his territory
Copy !req
875. so he's trying to take us out.
Copy !req
876. Well, why would he ask for money?
Copy !req
877. Why wouldn't he just blackmail
you to not open up the church?
Copy !req
878. Hm?
Copy !req
879. Well, I don't know,
maybe 'cause that's too obvious.
Copy !req
880. You didn't even think of that.
Copy !req
881. No. No. That's not what he's doing.
Copy !req
882. It's him, all right? I know it is.
Copy !req
883. If he thinks he can fuck with me,
Copy !req
884. fucking talk to daddy
the way that he did,
Copy !req
885. then he's got another thing coming.
Copy !req
886. You are legit crazy.
You are losing your mah-rbles.
Copy !req
887. Maybe I'm crazy for
defending my damn family.
Copy !req
888. You know if this tape comes out,
Copy !req
889. you know what's gonna happen?
Copy !req
890. - Amber's gonna leave me.
- Rightfully so.
Copy !req
891. I can guarantee you
Copy !req
892. that Daddy's gonna boot
me out of this church.
Copy !req
893. I'm gonna lose everything, Kelvin.
Copy !req
894. That ain't happening.
Copy !req
895. Check this out.
Copy !req
896. What is that?
Copy !req
897. It's a Kubotan.
Copy !req
898. Self-defense keychain stick.
Copy !req
899. Use this to overpower a human being.
Copy !req
900. Jam it in at pressure point,
Copy !req
901. pop and lock, break a finger.
Copy !req
902. Where'd you get that?
Copy !req
903. At a truck stop.
Copy !req
904. Are you gonna use that on him?
Copy !req
905. Probably. Maybe.
I'm just spitballin' right now.
Copy !req
906. Don't box me in. I got you one too.
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907. - I don't want one.
- Yeah, well I got you one.
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908. Oh, why'd you give me the pink one?
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909. For no particular reason.
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910. He don't know we know.
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911. That gives us a slight advantage, okay?
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912. The drop off is tonight at 10:00 p.m.
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913. He ain't expecting to see me till then.
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914. We're gonna ambush him at his house.
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915. Get him while his guard is down,
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916. overpower him, and get him
to give us that damn tape.
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917. Jesse, you're talking
about breaking the law.
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918. And with a weapon? That's like a...
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919. higher charge. I don't want it.
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920. Not with these,
they're not a higher charge.
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921. I mean, if it's a gun, yeah.
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922. You bring a gun, you're going down.
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923. Kubotans? Kubotans are legal.
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924. This is assault we're talking about,
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925. and assault is illegal.
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926. Come on, man.
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927. Remember when we were kids and
we wanted to be Double Dragons?
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928. Yeah.
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929. We got our black belts together.
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930. Used to wear the same kind of clothes,
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931. cut our hair the same way.
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932. We said we were gonna
grow up and fight crime.
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933. We used to have each other's back.
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934. We were friends. What happened to us?
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935. I guess we grew up
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936. and realized being karate brothers
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937. from a video game is a
childish dream to have.
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938. Kelvin?
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939. You really don't care if
this cocaine sex party tape
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940. destroys the Gemstones once and for all?
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941. Maybe it's time for the
Gemstones to be done.
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942. The thing with this game?
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943. Early versions included a boss bad guy
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944. known as Dark Diablo,
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945. a classic devil king sort of villain.
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946. When Dark Diablo would enter the level,
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947. he would make a series of roars.
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948. To most, it sounded
like garbled noise sounds,
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949. but to the keen ear,
he was clearly saying,
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950. "I'm the Devil. You're mine.
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951. Be a part of my kingdom."
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952. Yeah, it's messed up.
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953. Tons of kids were exposed to that game.
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954. Parents' groups and churches
were, like, furious.
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955. So they took Dark Diablo out.
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956. Now it's just like a shark bad guy,
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957. with like a shark top
and muscle man bottom.
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958. He's got, like, muscly, regular legs,
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959. you know, not shark fins.
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960. And he doesn't say anything Satanic.
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961. He just tries to bite you.
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962. It's a much better version.
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963. Yeah.
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964. Sounds better.
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965. I gotta get it reset now.
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966. Yeah, you probably should.
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967. It looks gross.
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968. I'm sorry, baby.
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969. You should make Jesse pay for that.
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970. Yeah, I'd love to. How?
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971. You know what, there's no way
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972. that he would ever do that.
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973. So you should just use your own money.
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974. Who the fuck is that?
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975. What? That's the doorbell.
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976. - Baby, that's the doorbell.
- What are you doing? Hide.
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977. Yeah... okay. Fine. Okay.
Where should I hide?
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978. Oh, God-hide, BJ!
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979. - Okay, fine.
- Shh!
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980. Judy!
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981. - Judy!
- Kelvin!
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982. What the living fuck, man?
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983. You can't just roll up in my foyer.
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984. I can and I just did.
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985. We need to talk.
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986. I don't have time right now.
I'm busy putting on creams.
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987. Is anybody here?
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988. No. Nobody's here.
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989. Oh, really?
'Cause there's BJ right there.
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990. That's not BJ. That's my artworks.
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991. Oh, you got a sculpture
of BJ on all fours, looking scared?
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992. Yeah, I bought that. It's a sculpture.
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993. And I got a good price on it
'cause the dick is weird.
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994. - Huh.
- Why you being so damn nosy?
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995. It's about Jesse.
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996. I think he's about to do
something very stupid.
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997. Oh, well, duh.
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998. One plus one is two.
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999. No, this is stupider than
normal, though.
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1000. Big time stupid.
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1001. Okay, what?
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1002. - Thank you.
- You're welcome, sweetie.
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1003. "Behold, I have given you authority
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1004. "to tread on serpents and scorpions
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1005. "and over all the power of the enemy,
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1006. and nothing shall hurt you."
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1007. Luke 10:19.
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1008. Let's go.
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1009. Oh, shit.
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1010. Shh. Guys. Fucking get over here.
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1011. He's in there.
Let's knock this guy's ass out.
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1012. Hello?
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1013. Who's there?
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1014. Okay. You're gonna do it.
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1015. Go.
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1016. Fucking go, Chad. Get the fuck in there.
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1017. Go! Get in the car! Go! Go, go, go!
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1018. You wanna mess with me?
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1019. Don't leave me!
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1020. You wanna see what I'm packing?
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1021. He's a fucking idiot.
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1022. Of course it's not Johnny Seasons.
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1023. Yeah, well, if it ain't him,
Jesse still has to pay up.
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1024. Sorry.
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1025. - Shit, it's Jesse.
- Answer it.
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1026. I know.
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1027. - Hey, Jesse.
- Oh, fuck, man. Fuck!
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1028. - Johnny Seasons shot Chad.
- What?
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1029. - Is Chad dead?
- Who's Chad?
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1030. Chad, you still with us, buddy?
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1031. Oh, God!
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1032. He says he's fine.
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1033. He's obviously not fine, Matthew.
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1034. - Did he kill somebody?
- Shh... no.
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1035. Whose voice is that? Is that Judy?
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1036. - No, it's not Judy.
- I need to talk to him.
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1037. - No, stop...
- C'mon! Stop!
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1038. Who the fuck did you tell?
Did you tell Judy?
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1039. Did you tell Judy? You son of a bitch!
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1040. Hi. You have really fucked
yourself this time, haven't you?
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1041. - What he tell you?
- Oh, he told me a lot.
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1042. Look at you, Mr. Firstborn.
Oh, thought you'd be king.
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1043. Oh, brother, it is almost so sad.
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1044. I think we need to get him
to the hospital, Jesse!
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1045. Then fucking go, dude!
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1046. What the hell is everyone looking at me
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1047. like I gotta do everything?
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1048. Get the fuck out of here!
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1049. Shit, Judy! Shit!
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1050. I'm supposed to make the drop at 10:00.
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1051. This is the downfall of the Gemstones.
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1052. Everything that Mama
and Daddy built is done.
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1053. Okay. Then pay 'em Jesse.
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1054. I don't have the money, Judy.
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1055. Daddy limits my spending!
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1056. I may have some.
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1057. Have some what?
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1058. Okay, line it up.
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1059. Okay, good.
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1060. Heads up. It's a lot, dude.
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1061. Holy shit. What the fuck?
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1062. You know how Mama used to say to me,
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1063. "Judy, you're worth it.
You're special, Judy.
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1064. "You know stuff.
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1065. You know how to figure things out."
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1066. Well, I fucking do.
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1067. I guess Mama was great
at giving good advice.
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1068. God damn it. Son of a...
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1069. God bless you, air vent.
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1070. Get in.
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1071. I love you guys.
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1072. All right. Y'all stay in the car.
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1073. Don't you think we should come with you?
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1074. Shh. No. I'll handle them alone.
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1075. Stay here.
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1076. Good luck.
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1077. Who's in the car?
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1078. Nobodies.
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1079. My brother and sister.
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1080. Tell them to get the fuck out.
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1081. Fuck.
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1082. God damn it.
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1083. He's... he's actually saying
he wants you guys to come out.
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1084. Duh. I told you.
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1085. Man.
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1086. Hi.
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1087. Assholes.
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1088. Walk slowly to the rear of the van,
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1089. and place the bags on the ground.
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1090. I don't really feel
comfortable doing that.
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1091. I don't know who y'all got back there
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1092. so I'm just gonna put
the bags right down here.
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1093. No, bring them to where I told you.
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1094. Why is he dressed as the devil?
Copy !req
1095. - Kelvin, shut up.
- Shut up, Kelvin.
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1096. What is this?
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1097. - Thumb drive.
- Thumb drive?
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1098. The video is kept on that.
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1099. Oh, the video's on here?
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1100. I was imagining we were
gonna get like a VHS
Copy !req
1101. or a cassette tape or something.
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1102. How do we know there isn't another copy?
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1103. Well, you don't.
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1104. Maybe we just bleed the Gemstones dry.
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1105. And use you like our own
goddamn ATM machine, huh?
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1106. Jesse.
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1107. Go, get in the car!
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1108. Who do you work for?
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1109. Who do you serve?
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1110. Shit, shit, shit, shit.
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1111. God damn! Fuck!
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1112. Ah! Shit!
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1113. Ah!
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1114. Go, go, go!
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1115. Go, go, go!
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1116. Go!
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1117. Oh, my God!
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1118. - Holy shit!
- Oh, my God!
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1119. - Oh, fuck!
- Oh, shit!
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1120. - I hit him, I hit him.
- Oh, fuck.
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1121. I think I hit him.
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1122. Over under now. Over under.
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1123. - Oh.
- God damn it.
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1124. Oh, God. Oh, my God.
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1125. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
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1126. Oh, my God.
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1127. Are you going back to help him?
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1128. No.
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1129. Oh! Oh!
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1130. Ladies and gentlemen,
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1131. it is my honor to present
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1132. Eli and Aimee-Leigh Gemstone.
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1133. I love you.
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1134. - Oh, I love you. Hallelujah! Eli.
- I feel the love in this room.
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1135. Oh, take a look at this crowd, Eli.
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1136. I do believe it is the
best-looking bunch of friends
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1137. we've spent time with yet!
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1138. Yes!
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1139. Mm, I don't want to offend anybody,
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1140. but she married me so you know
her taste is in question.
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1141. - Oh, stop it right now.
- Ow!
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1142. Stop it right now. Now, friends,
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1143. who here is ready to make real change
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1144. in their lives today?
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1145. Amen!
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1146. Who's ready to surf
that God-given feeling?
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1147. Praise His name.
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1148. - Praise His name.
- Hallelujah!
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1149. Raise your hands for the Lord. Yes! Yes!
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1150. Who is ready to make change,
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1151. receive the Holy Spirit,
and change their lives
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1152. in such a way they will lead
it for the Lord forever?
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1153. We have a winner.
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1154. Okay, Eli?
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1155. Let's get started.
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