1. Praise.Copy !req
2. Rejoice.Copy !req
3. Salvation.Copy !req
4. I'm Vance Simkins,
here with my sister, Shay,Copy !req
5. and brother, Craig.Copy !req
6. Oh, there you are, sunshine.Copy !req
7. Where's Shay?Copy !req
8. She out on another bender?Copy !req
9. She wants nothin'
to do with you.Copy !req
10. But you, you can't
stay away, can you?Copy !req
11. I just came for my money.Copy !req
12. You need to slow down
with the spendin'.Copy !req
13. We can't maintain it.Copy !req
14. You can't tell me how much
of my own money we can spend.Copy !req
15. It's not your money, Craig.Copy !req
16. It's the church's money.Copy !req
17. And the court order says
I got control of it.Copy !req
18. I'm just lookin' out
for our family is all.Copy !req
19. You're lookin' out
for yourself,Copy !req
20. openin' up all these churches
when we're broke.Copy !req
21. For what, to prove
to the GemstonesCopy !req
22. that you're still somethin'?Copy !req
23. You ain't.Copy !req
24. They beat our asses.Copy !req
25. They will never respect you.Copy !req
26. Unlike some other churches,
who are all about the money...Copy !req
27. Here's 10,000.Copy !req
28. Please try and make it last.Copy !req
29. Just can't admit
you're beat, can you?Copy !req
30. You're gonna run
whatever's left of our empireCopy !req
31. into the dirt.Copy !req
32. When I win
Top Christ Following Man,Copy !req
33. you'll see.Copy !req
34. Oh, you'll all see.Copy !req
35. You are
a straight white male.Copy !req
36. Your kind
don't get awards anymore.Copy !req
37. Or are you straight?Copy !req
38. Never had a girlfriend,
sweetie pie.Copy !req
39. Don't you dare
insinuate such filth!Copy !req
40. Now, Christ Almighty
is on my side.Copy !req
41. How many goddamn times
do I need to fuckin' say it?Copy !req
42. Hey, Terry.Copy !req
43. We're just wrappin' up here.Copy !req
44. I'll be with you
in one sec, all right?Copy !req
45. God bless.Copy !req
46. Yes!Copy !req
47. Ah.Copy !req
48. Daddy time.Copy !req
49. Uh-uh.Copy !req
50. Done.Copy !req
51. Whoo!Copy !req
52. Hey! Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
53. Neil, I'm lovin' your hair.Copy !req
54. Hey, sugar. How you doin'?Copy !req
55. How's your dad?
- He all right.Copy !req
56. I just want to say thank you
to all my Prism peepsCopy !req
57. for comin' out
to support my runCopy !req
58. for Top Christ Following Man!Copy !req
59. I will not let you down.Copy !req
60. I am your advocate!Copy !req
61. Please, Kelvin.Copy !req
62. Let's party, y'all.Copy !req
63. Whoo!Copy !req
64. Quite the turnout for my
Top Christ Following ManCopy !req
65. congrats luncheon.Copy !req
66. My Prism posse is no joke, yo.Copy !req
67. Yeah, homey,
you're their little gay avatar.Copy !req
68. Damn straight.Copy !req
69. Strong leader blazin' a path.Copy !req
70. Man, there ain't
nothin' straightCopy !req
71. or strong about you.Copy !req
72. You need to stop
smellin' your own farts.Copy !req
73. Mmm, I like how it smells.Copy !req
74. Oh, sick.Copy !req
75. Yeah, of course you do.
Gross.Copy !req
76. Even Daddy
had to give it up to me.Copy !req
77. Okay.Copy !req
78. I cannot believe he brought
Miss Lori here today, though.Copy !req
79. Did not want to see
her grinnin' face this a.m.Copy !req
80. Oh, God, here comes
ol' grinnin' ass now.Copy !req
81. Y'all hidin' out over here?Copy !req
82. Maybe we just don't want
to see no moreCopy !req
83. senior sexcapades, darlin'.Copy !req
84. The slurping of the holes
is burned into our memory,Copy !req
85. a scar upon the mind.Copy !req
86. Permanent
psychological damage.Copy !req
87. I am truly sorry
that y'all had to witness that.Copy !req
88. And I promise you, next time,
we gon' lock that door.Copy !req
89. Our mama
never locked us out.Copy !req
90. I know this is awkward
and embarrassing,Copy !req
91. and I know y'all are upset.Copy !req
92. But it's me, Lori.Copy !req
93. Remember? Y'all like me.Copy !req
94. I mean, can't we just
please do a restart?Copy !req
95. As the children of Elijah,
our birth father,Copy !req
96. we formally reject this union.Copy !req
97. Have it be writ into the record
that there'll be no moreCopy !req
98. peace talks, nor truces.Copy !req
99. Yep.Copy !req
100. So am I to understand
that this is how it's gonna be?Copy !req
101. Yeah.
- This is it.Copy !req
102. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
103. - Yep.
- I guess.Copy !req
104. Okay, I think
all y'all little cocksuckersCopy !req
105. need to put on
your big-boy pantsCopy !req
106. and get the fuck over it.Copy !req
107. I wish you'd put on
any pants at allCopy !req
108. instead of 69-ing our daddy.Copy !req
109. Miss Lori, we have
refrained from unleashin'Copy !req
110. our full power on you 'cause of
your history with this family.Copy !req
111. - Yep.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
112. So please, please don't make
us cut loose on your bony ass.Copy !req
113. Ooh.Copy !req
114. Please don't make us!Copy !req
115. - Fuck it.
- Yeah, fuck it.Copy !req
116. Oh, this is really
quite intimidating.Copy !req
117. You know what's sad
about this is,Copy !req
118. I've just always
wanted to be y'all's friend.Copy !req
119. But if you want a motherfuckin'
wicked stepmother,Copy !req
120. then I guess I can
sure as hell do that too.Copy !req
121. - Stepmother?
- Y'all ain't married.Copy !req
122. No, y'all didn't get married
for real, did you?Copy !req
123. - Did you?
- Did you?Copy !req
124. - Did you guys get married?
- Did you get married?Copy !req
125. - Did you guys elope together?
- Answer.Copy !req
126. - But did y'all get mar—
- I really shouldn't say.Copy !req
127. Answer right now.Copy !req
128. No, I shouldn't say.Copy !req
129. And, you know,
I feel like I probablyCopy !req
130. shouldn't tell you anything
about my personal lifeCopy !req
131. with your daddy.Copy !req
132. Did y'all get mar—Copy !req
133. Bye!Copy !req
134. I love you.Copy !req
135. - Quit.
- Huh?Copy !req
136. Did they get married?Copy !req
137. Look at us.Copy !req
138. A beautiful house,
a great relationship,Copy !req
139. a giant woman
that do all the dirty work.Copy !req
140. And I tell you what.Copy !req
141. We just gettin' started.Copy !req
142. Now we new money.
- Yeah.Copy !req
143. Now it's time to build
that generational wealth.Copy !req
144. Close your eyes.Copy !req
145. Open them.
Look at this right here.Copy !req
146. This is my new project.Copy !req
147. It's a young adult show
about JesusCopy !req
148. being a teenager in Nazareth.Copy !req
149. I call it "Teenjus."Copy !req
150. Oh, so that's a teen show
about Jesus?Copy !req
151. Yes.Copy !req
152. Baby Billy,
that's really good.Copy !req
153. I like teen dramas—Copy !req
154. "Pretty Little Liars,"
"Gossip Women."Copy !req
155. I'd watch "Tanjust."Copy !req
156. Ain't no "Tanjust," Sola.Copy !req
157. It's teen Jesus—"Teenjus."Copy !req
158. Over here skimmin' leaves,
eavesdroppin'.Copy !req
159. Go inside that house
and watch them sleepin' babies.Copy !req
160. Go on!Copy !req
161. Get!Copy !req
162. Night night, Sola.Copy !req
163. Now, this franchise
catches fire,Copy !req
164. we talkin' cultural touchstone.Copy !req
165. It's gon' take us from
first class to private jets.Copy !req
166. Then maybe you can retire.Copy !req
167. Retire?Copy !req
168. What you talkin' about, retire?Copy !req
169. I've spent my whole lifeCopy !req
170. waitin' for these
opportunities.Copy !req
171. And I'm gon' strike this iron
as hard as I canCopy !req
172. while this motherfucker
is red-hot, sweetie.Copy !req
173. Lionel and Aimee-Leigh Jr.Copy !req
174. ain't gon' be
tiny tots forever.Copy !req
175. Even if I don't feed 'em right,
they'll get big.Copy !req
176. I don't want you missin' it.Copy !req
177. Well, I don't want to either,
but I got to provide now.Copy !req
178. I got to set y'all up.Copy !req
179. I'm an old man, Tiff.Copy !req
180. I don't know how long I got.Copy !req
181. Baby Billy,
don't talk like that.Copy !req
182. You're gonna live forever.Copy !req
183. Come in here.Copy !req
184. Get in here.
Get in here now.Copy !req
185. Ah!Copy !req
186. Damn it.Copy !req
187. Oh, my God.Copy !req
188. I can't even make a T.Copy !req
189. You were tryin'
to piss in the tub?Copy !req
190. No, I fell in
because I'm helpless.Copy !req
191. I'm broken.Copy !req
192. I'm half a man.Copy !req
193. It's okay.
I'll get you out of here.Copy !req
194. No, it's not okay!Copy !req
195. I refuse to sugarcoat this.Copy !req
196. Our lives are forever changed
because I couldn'tCopy !req
197. hit the backspin vault.Copy !req
198. BJ, the doctor said
with therapy,Copy !req
199. you will totally walk again.Copy !req
200. They're full of shit!Copy !req
201. Okay, dude.
You know what?Copy !req
202. I'm tryin' to be
sympathetic here,Copy !req
203. but it's really hard
when you're bein' a dickhead.Copy !req
204. I don't even know
who you are right now.Copy !req
205. Me either.Copy !req
206. Crippled, angry BJ is
an entirely new thing for me.Copy !req
207. I can already tell
I fuckin' hate him,Copy !req
208. but I guess we better
get used to him.Copy !req
209. Go.Copy !req
210. I'm gonna stand up
out of this bathtub on my own.Copy !req
211. No, please, let me help you.Copy !req
212. No!Copy !req
213. Go, Judy!Copy !req
214. Good afternoon, Judy.Copy !req
215. Is it? I hadn't noticed.Copy !req
216. Do you have a moment?Copy !req
217. Let me ask questions too.Copy !req
218. Oh.Copy !req
219. What do you want?Copy !req
220. I just came
to drop somethin' offCopy !req
221. and to see how you both
are doin'.Copy !req
222. Oh, guess what, Amber.Copy !req
223. We're fuckin' miserable.Copy !req
224. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
225. But maybe I have somethin'
that'll make it better.Copy !req
226. A fuckin' Monchhichi?Copy !req
227. What are we supposed
to do with that, eat it?Copy !req
228. No.Copy !req
229. This is Dr. Watson.Copy !req
230. He's a service animal.Copy !req
231. I'm involved in a charity
for disabled vetsCopy !req
232. that trains capuchin monkeysCopy !req
233. to help with simple,
everyday tasks.Copy !req
234. So we just take it inside
and it just, like,Copy !req
235. runs around and shit?Copy !req
236. Yeah, maybe it helps
lighten the load,Copy !req
237. maybe puts a smile
on BJ's face.Copy !req
238. Yeah, don't count
on that happenin'.Copy !req
239. But I mean, I guess
we could give it a shot.Copy !req
240. What do we do
if we don't like him?Copy !req
241. We just throw him out?
- No, I will take it back.Copy !req
242. No pressure.Copy !req
243. It is all comin'
together, Keefe.Copy !req
244. I'm just happy
to see you smilin'Copy !req
245. after all you've been through.Copy !req
246. A project
like this tree houseCopy !req
247. is exactly what I need.Copy !req
248. I'm hugely successful
and havin' a moment right now.Copy !req
249. It's no time to be a sad sack,
actin' all depressed.Copy !req
250. No matter how big a loadCopy !req
251. is dropped on your chest,Copy !req
252. you rise.Copy !req
253. Next Top Christ Following Man
event is coming up.Copy !req
254. It's gonna be a live
TV roundtable discussion.Copy !req
255. - Wow.
- It's gonna be a great chanceCopy !req
256. to drop some dank sound bitesCopy !req
257. and establish myself
as a clear fave.Copy !req
258. Will you be needing
my assistance?Copy !req
259. - Doy.
- Doy.Copy !req
260. Gonna need
a cheerin' section.Copy !req
261. Boop.Copy !req
262. A section you shall have.Copy !req
263. Kelvin, Kelvin, go.Copy !req
264. Okay, let's get back to work.Copy !req
265. Okay.Copy !req
266. Caught you.Copy !req
267. Aw.
Busted.Copy !req
268. Sneaky peeks.Copy !req
269. Daddy issues?Copy !req
270. Congrats, scumbag.Copy !req
271. I hear Daddy's datin'.Copy !req
272. You have a new stepmommy.Copy !req
273. Nobody got no stepmommy.Copy !req
274. Why don't you mind your own
business and eff off, orphan?Copy !req
275. No, you eff off, Jesse.Copy !req
276. You went too far.Copy !req
277. Firebombin' a church—Copy !req
278. what kind of demon
does such a thing?Copy !req
279. I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
280. But maybe don't put another
mini-mall church there.Copy !req
281. Seems like it could be
bad mojo, perhaps.Copy !req
282. Damn you.Copy !req
283. I have half a mindCopy !req
284. to drop a yellow kerchief
on youCopy !req
285. right here, right now,
in this chamber.Copy !req
286. What the hell's
a yellow kerchief?Copy !req
287. Looks like somebody
hasn't readCopy !req
288. his Cape and Pistol Manual, obviously.Copy !req
289. If I drop a yellow kerchief
on your foot,Copy !req
290. it means I'm callin' you
a coward.Copy !req
291. And the only way you can
prove that you're not a cowardCopy !req
292. is to duel—Copy !req
293. pistols.Copy !req
294. Boy...Copy !req
295. I wish you would drop
a yellow hanky on my boot.Copy !req
296. I would love an excuse
to murder you,Copy !req
297. to blow that greasy haircut off
the top of your fuckin' head.Copy !req
298. You'd try, but you'd miss.Copy !req
299. I'm only gonna tell you
this once, so listen up.Copy !req
300. Back up off me, son, if you
know what's good for you.Copy !req
301. You're nothing to me.Copy !req
302. No, Jesse, I am somethin'--Copy !req
303. somethin' you are
never gonna forget.Copy !req
304. New phone. Who dis?Copy !req
305. Vance Simkins.Copy !req
306. Doesn't ring a bell.Copy !req
307. Stop playin' games.
You know my name.Copy !req
308. You know you know my name.Copy !req
309. Does anyone know
who this young woman is?Copy !req
310. My name's
Vance Simkins, damn it!Copy !req
311. Hi, I'm Jesse Gemstone.Copy !req
312. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
313. I'm done playin'
these childish games with you.Copy !req
314. I'm way too mature for this.Copy !req
315. Who are you?Copy !req
316. Got him.Copy !req
317. Got him, Daddy.Copy !req
318. Smoked him.Copy !req
319. Psst, psst, psst.Copy !req
320. Hey.Copy !req
321. Hey, boy.Copy !req
322. What?Copy !req
323. Come in here.Copy !req
324. I have a surprise for you.Copy !req
325. South Carolina
legalized euthanasia?Copy !req
326. I get to die?Copy !req
327. Beej, come on, dude.
Hush on that mess.Copy !req
328. Hey, there's tons of wheelchair
people who have great lives.Copy !req
329. How about the president
with the cold legsCopy !req
330. who does talks
by the fireplace?Copy !req
331. FDR?Copy !req
332. He's dead.Copy !req
333. BJ, your problem
is not with your legs.Copy !req
334. It's with your attitude,
doll baby.Copy !req
335. I can't even do
the simplest stuff.Copy !req
336. Well, maybe you need
a special friend who can.Copy !req
337. Introducing Dr. Watson.Copy !req
338. A monkey? What's he do?Copy !req
339. Whatever you want.Copy !req
340. You just call him
with that bellCopy !req
341. and then say commands to him
and stuff, and he does it.Copy !req
342. Like this. Watch.Copy !req
343. Hey, Dr. Watson,
why don't you go get meCopy !req
344. a black cherry White Claw
from the hall fridge?Copy !req
345. There's no way
he's gonna be able to tellCopy !req
346. what a White Claw is.Copy !req
347. That's not how
service animals work, Judy.Copy !req
348. That's insane.Copy !req
349. It's Citrus Yuzu Smash,
but it's still fuckin' rad.Copy !req
350. As members of Jesse's
leadership team,Copy !req
351. we have been tasked
with doin' a little diggin'Copy !req
352. on one Miss Lori.Copy !req
353. We did some look-'em-ups.Copy !req
354. We scanned through
Miss Lori's socialsCopy !req
355. and found all sorts
of photos of herCopy !req
356. with different male figures.Copy !req
357. Yes.Copy !req
358. On vacation,
doin' hugs and laughter.Copy !req
359. Harlot.Copy !req
360. Hang on, hang on.Copy !req
361. Levi, go back
to that picture, dude.Copy !req
362. Okay, zoom—zoom in.Copy !req
363. Zoom, zoom, left, left.Copy !req
364. Go to 0.3
on the pixelation on that.Copy !req
365. Enhance that quadrant.Copy !req
366. Little tighter in.Copy !req
367. Damn it.Copy !req
368. Those earrings are
fuckin' cute, fuckin' bitch.Copy !req
369. Wow, Jesse.Copy !req
370. I mean, your guys
have hit the jackpot.Copy !req
371. What a treasure trove.Copy !req
372. You know what?Copy !req
373. I am too damn successful
to be sittin' hereCopy !req
374. lookin' at Miss Lori's
crab claw dinnersCopy !req
375. and sundress selfies.Copy !req
376. Our presentation
is not complete.Copy !req
377. Have a little bit
of respect, Kelvin,Copy !req
378. and sit your damn TT bird down
right now for five seconds.Copy !req
379. Yeah, sit, you little twink.Copy !req
380. Too damn successful.Copy !req
381. These dudes did
damn look-'em-ups,Copy !req
382. and you're sittin' here
tryin' to go fuckin' walk away?Copy !req
383. Well, show us somethin'.Copy !req
384. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
385. Now, he works
at the Benz dealershipCopy !req
386. where Miss Lori bought her car.Copy !req
387. Big Dick Mitch?Copy !req
388. Maybe his dick is big.Copy !req
389. I can't tell
with those slacks he has on.Copy !req
390. His dick size is uncertain.Copy !req
391. But unfortunately,
so is his fate.Copy !req
392. Big Dick Mitch
is a missing person.Copy !req
393. Get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
394. Not you, Levi.Copy !req
395. Levi looked up other dudes
tagged in the photos.Copy !req
396. More than a few are either
missing or straight dead.Copy !req
397. Drownings, suicides,
car accidents.Copy !req
398. Is this bitch a black widow?Copy !req
399. We need to do some
additional look-'em-ups.Copy !req
400. Who else knows Miss Lori?Copy !req
401. Who's somebody who has
some real insight?Copy !req
402. I don't know
who that would be.Copy !req
403. "Teenjus"
is my young adult showCopy !req
404. about Jesus
being a teenager in Nazareth.Copy !req
405. Why don't you
call it "Teen Jesus"?Copy !req
406. "Teenjus"--
"teen" and "Jesus" mixed.Copy !req
407. Yeah, but not mixed
in a way that makes any sense.Copy !req
408. You're just takin'
the J from "Jesus"Copy !req
409. and then skippin' ahead
to the U and the S.Copy !req
410. Like, that's not
how you combine words.Copy !req
411. If you're gonna combine words,
it'd be "Teensus."Copy !req
412. - "Teensus."
- No, no.Copy !req
413. I don't like that.Copy !req
414. Also, it's fuckin' rude
that you're usin'Copy !req
415. the whole word of "teen"Copy !req
416. but you're gonna
shorten "Jesus."Copy !req
417. That's our Lord
and Savior, homey.Copy !req
418. This ain't even
up for discussion.Copy !req
419. I got it.Copy !req
420. Use the J from "Jesus."Copy !req
421. You shorten "teen."Copy !req
422. You call him Jean.Copy !req
423. - Ooh.
- Jean—okay, that's better.Copy !req
424. Ain't nobody gonna
call Jesus Jean.Copy !req
425. Now, pull out them pocketbooks
and green-light this.Copy !req
426. Look, we ain't here
to be talkin' about pitchesCopy !req
427. and green lights, all right?Copy !req
428. We came here to talk
about life and death.Copy !req
429. What you know
about Miss Lori?Copy !req
430. You want to know
about Miss Lori Milsap,Copy !req
431. you don't need no AOL
or the World Wide Web.Copy !req
432. You need Baby Billy Freeman.Copy !req
433. You got some dirt?Copy !req
434. Is it juicy?Copy !req
435. Could be.Copy !req
436. Come in here.Copy !req
437. Could be just the thing
that sends Eli into a tailspin.Copy !req
438. But I ain't tellin' y'all shitCopy !req
439. until you give
Baby Billy FreemanCopy !req
440. what he wants.Copy !req
441. And I got to get the cameras
rollin' on "Teenjus," now.Copy !req
442. - Oh, my God.
- Come on, man.Copy !req
443. - Oh, my God.
- Fine. Green-lit.Copy !req
444. Now, spill it.Copy !req
445. Congratulations,
another hit television show.Copy !req
446. Yes.Copy !req
447. All right, come in here.Copy !req
448. Now, Miss Lori, now, see,
she reached out to meCopy !req
449. about bein' a part
of Aimee-Leigh'sCopy !req
450. birthday celebration telethon,Copy !req
451. sayin' she didn't have
no money,Copy !req
452. that she's broke and in debt,
needed a gig.Copy !req
453. Practically cryin'
on the phone.Copy !req
454. Well, I threw her a bone
as a favor to your mama.Copy !req
455. But...Copy !req
456. - Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Come on in.Copy !req
457. It sure is interestin',
though, ain't it?Copy !req
458. Seein' as how she
wound up in the armsCopy !req
459. of your rich-ass daddy.Copy !req
460. Sure does solve them
money problems, don't it?Copy !req
461. Oh, I forgot the bread.Copy !req
462. Go get the multigrain bread
from the counter, Dr. Watson.Copy !req
463. Now return the multigrain to
its proper place, Dr. Watson.Copy !req
464. Now, y'all say stuff.Copy !req
465. Don't just make me be
the only one crushing him.Copy !req
466. You guys do stuff
to crush him too.Copy !req
467. We already said
we were gonna say stuff.Copy !req
468. - Hey.
- As-salaam alaikum.Copy !req
469. Is that Daddy
or Samuel L. Jackson?Copy !req
470. Nice hat.Copy !req
471. Lookin' like
a fashion victim, Daddy.Copy !req
472. Is she dressin' you now?Copy !req
473. That's gross, dude.Copy !req
474. You're pussy-whipped.Copy !req
475. Kids, this has—
this has gone on too long.Copy !req
476. You better brace yourself
because unfortunately,Copy !req
477. we have some intel
on your lady friend.Copy !req
478. Mm-hmm, and you are not
gonna like it.Copy !req
479. Oh, good grief.Copy !req
480. If you're gonna
bad-mouth Lori, save it.Copy !req
481. She's a possible
serial killer, Daddy.Copy !req
482. Like, a bunch
of her boyfriendsCopy !req
483. are either dead, missing,
murdered, or gone.Copy !req
484. - Big Dick Mitch...
- Heard of him?Copy !req
485. He clocked out of work
at the Benz dealershipCopy !req
486. and walked off the face
of the fuckin' Earth.Copy !req
487. He's disappeared, Daddy.Copy !req
488. Big Dick Mitch,
nowhere to be found.Copy !req
489. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
490. She's also in debt
up to her eyeballs.Copy !req
491. Miss Lori is a poverty person.Copy !req
492. - Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- She's poor.Copy !req
493. I'm sorry to be the one to have
to share that news, Daddy.Copy !req
494. Finally see what
she sees in Daddy.Copy !req
495. She's usin' you
for your money, honey.Copy !req
496. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.Copy !req
497. She's tryin' to black widow
that ass, Daddy.Copy !req
498. It's obvious.Copy !req
499. She's attempting to make youCopy !req
500. a "Dateline" episode, son.Copy !req
501. That's all this ever was.Copy !req
502. God damn it.Copy !req
503. You kids need to grow up!Copy !req
504. The lies, the shit attitudes,
the manipulations—Copy !req
505. enough!Copy !req
506. Why don't you just go aheadCopy !req
507. and get killed
for your money, then.Copy !req
508. See if I care. I don't care.
Just go do that, then.Copy !req
509. That's so stupid.
- I don't care, Daddy.Copy !req
510. I won't sit here
and listen to you trash LoriCopy !req
511. because you're
too immature to realizeCopy !req
512. that Mama ain't comin' back.Copy !req
513. She's not.Copy !req
514. And I'll be goddamned
if I'm gonna spendCopy !req
515. what's left of my life
feelin' sad about it.Copy !req
516. Yo, Slick Rick, you tryin'
to take her side over ours?Copy !req
517. Yeah, playboy.Copy !req
518. Choose a side.Copy !req
519. Us or her?Copy !req
520. What's it gonna be?Copy !req
521. Why'd you have to back him
into a choice like that, Jesse?Copy !req
522. That was so fuckin' stupid!Copy !req
523. Kelvin's the one
who teed him up.Copy !req
524. I didn't tee him up.
- Buzz off.Copy !req
525. I have bigger things to do
than bickerin' withCopy !req
526. my underachievin' older bro
and my unsexy nurse sister.Copy !req
527. You better watch
your fuckin' mouth, Corky.Copy !req
528. I'm a very sexy nurse sister.Copy !req
529. What the hell's
wrong with you lately?Copy !req
530. Actin' like a certified bitch.Copy !req
531. Y'all just salty
that I've lapped youCopy !req
532. in both achievement
and prestige.Copy !req
533. My work with Prism—Copy !req
534. more relevant than anything
you two do.Copy !req
535. That's right.Copy !req
536. I'm makin' headlines.Copy !req
537. I'm makin' myself
look like a fool, y'all.Copy !req
538. You're just actin'
like a goddamn clown.Copy !req
539. Self-absorbed—
everyone sees it.Copy !req
540. Clowns don't get nominatedCopy !req
541. for Top Christ Following Man, dummy.Copy !req
542. Too bad that's a total sham.Copy !req
543. I've never seen a more blatant
example of tokenism.Copy !req
544. Tokenism?Copy !req
545. You a flavor
of the month, son.Copy !req
546. Your shit ain't real.Copy !req
547. You ain't
a Top Christ Following Man,Copy !req
548. and you know it.Copy !req
549. How dare you?Copy !req
550. You know why
they gave it to you.Copy !req
551. You know why.Copy !req
552. San Francisco.Copy !req
553. That's rich.Copy !req
554. You're a loser, Jesse.Copy !req
555. Why don't you go cry
in a Prayer Pod?Copy !req
556. You fail at everything.Copy !req
557. Your kids don't even
like you—zero respect.Copy !req
558. It's sad.Copy !req
559. Damn, Kelvin,
show some restraint.Copy !req
560. And you—Copy !req
561. Daddy doesn't even
think about you.Copy !req
562. Why waste the time?Copy !req
563. We'd all be happiest
if you just marriedCopy !req
564. some powerful asshole
and become their problem.Copy !req
565. Instead you married
a pole-dancing cripple.Copy !req
566. Now both of you
are our problem.Copy !req
567. Sorry.Copy !req
568. I'm just speakin' my truth.Copy !req
569. Well, I was just
makin' a joke.Copy !req
570. This was just flapping hair
to do a joke.Copy !req
571. And you said stuff
that's hurtful for real.Copy !req
572. - No, you meant it.
- I said a city, Kelvin.Copy !req
573. That's all I did.Copy !req
574. What's gonna happen
if I say Fort Worth?Copy !req
575. You gonna fuckin' stab me?Copy !req
576. Hope you feel good
about yourself.Copy !req
577. I do feel good about myself.Copy !req
578. Good.Copy !req
579. - Good.
- Good.Copy !req
580. Good.Copy !req
581. You're funny.Copy !req
582. Oh!Copy !req
583. You're such a gentleman.Copy !req
584. I try.Copy !req
585. Well, it's no Gemstone
compound, but it's home.Copy !req
586. Hey!Copy !req
587. Mama said
y'all were comin'.Copy !req
588. Yeah, I figured
it'd be bestCopy !req
589. to give everybody
a little space.Copy !req
590. Say no more.Copy !req
591. I just popped by to drop
you guys off some dinner.Copy !req
592. A little Kung Pao Dynasty.
- Ooh.Copy !req
593. I also left your edibles
by the microwave, Mama.Copy !req
594. What's that? Edibles?Copy !req
595. Darlin',
they're like gummy bears,Copy !req
596. except with marijuana in 'em.Copy !req
597. Yeah, you're gonna like it.Copy !req
598. Thank you for the treats, baby.Copy !req
599. Have fun, you two.Copy !req
600. Good to see you, Core.Copy !req
601. I'm gonna get me a gummy.Copy !req
602. - Yeah?
- Yeah, I sure am.Copy !req
603. The kids in the village
will never give meCopy !req
604. a fair shot, Johnny B.Copy !req
605. Of course not, Teenjus.Copy !req
606. They think you're—
you're nothing moreCopy !req
607. than a carpenter's son.Copy !req
608. You know, if I win
the village dance contest,Copy !req
609. there's no way
I won't be accepted.Copy !req
610. Through my moves and swagger,Copy !req
611. I'll show them
I am the chosen one.Copy !req
612. Keep movin',
you dirty Nazarenes.Copy !req
613. Always up to mischief,
are you, Teenjus?Copy !req
614. When you finally gonna
get your act together?Copy !req
615. You're late for class.Copy !req
616. Teenjus. Teenjus!Copy !req
617. Give me some more smolder, now.Copy !req
618. You hate this Roman soldier.Copy !req
619. You want to rip
his fuckin' face off.Copy !req
620. But you can't, now,Copy !req
621. 'cause you're Teenjus.Copy !req
622. So just be conflicted, now.Copy !req
623. Now, turn around and think
to yourself, fuck him!Copy !req
624. And walk off slowly.Copy !req
625. 'Cause you don't want
to fuck with a RomanCopy !req
626. 'cause they will crucify you.Copy !req
627. Somebody get that donkey
in focus.Copy !req
628. Yes. And cut!Copy !req
629. Thank you, and welcomeCopy !req
630. to the Top Christ Following Man
roundtable.Copy !req
631. With me are nominees
Vance Simkins,Copy !req
632. Adam Kelly, Forrest Gill,
Kelvin Gemstone,Copy !req
633. and Reggie Daniels.Copy !req
634. What's up, what's up, playas?Copy !req
635. Stay blessed, y'all.Copy !req
636. Tonight we will discuss
an array of complex issuesCopy !req
637. facing Christians today.Copy !req
638. So as King Solomon said,
let's get the ball rollin'.Copy !req
639. King Solomon.Copy !req
640. Gentlemen, first question.Copy !req
641. Should children be taught
a comprehensive overviewCopy !req
642. of all major religions
at school?Copy !req
643. Yes.Copy !req
644. I—I want this one.Copy !req
645. Okay, kids are my specialty.Copy !req
646. You see,
children are the future.Copy !req
647. You can mold them
any which way you want.Copy !req
648. What I teach my discipes—Copy !req
649. sorry, that's what I call
my flock,Copy !req
650. discipes instead of disciples.Copy !req
651. I teach them everything cool
about Jesus.Copy !req
652. You see, the Bible
can be confusing,Copy !req
653. so we translate it for modern,
cutting-edge times.Copy !req
654. I'm sorry.Copy !req
655. Sorry.Copy !req
656. I certainly don't want
to hurt anybodyCopy !req
657. or put a damper on the evening,
but, uh...Copy !req
658. God is tellin' me I gotta
speak up on this issue.Copy !req
659. - Oh.
- You see, I follow Scripture.Copy !req
660. - Mm.
- That's my thing.Copy !req
661. Okay.Copy !req
662. And I believe all of us
should follow the Scripture.Copy !req
663. Of course.Copy !req
664. What Kelvin here preaches,
it's not Scripture.Copy !req
665. Kelvin, how do you respond?Copy !req
666. Well, Prism is the Bible,
just through a different light.Copy !req
667. Oh, brand shout-out.Copy !req
668. Whoop, whoop!Copy !req
669. But I already like
the light it's in.Copy !req
670. I don't need a different light.Copy !req
671. You see, as a Christian,
I have love for everyone, okay?Copy !req
672. But a homosexual
bein' included here,Copy !req
673. something's not right.Copy !req
674. Amen.Copy !req
675. Well, I mean,
that's just your opinion, so—Copy !req
676. Excuse me.
I'm—I'm still speaking.Copy !req
677. Sadly, your nomination
means that this great honorCopy !req
678. has strayed
from its core valuesCopy !req
679. to now bein' more about
just checkin' off a box.Copy !req
680. Now, I know you get
a room full of people,Copy !req
681. and you'll get a room
full of opinions.Copy !req
682. But God's word
is clear on this issue.Copy !req
683. Pastor Gemstone,
any response?Copy !req
684. Um, um—Copy !req
685. Uh, uh.Copy !req
686. Cat got your tongue, didn't it?Copy !req
687. Well, I mean,
that's—there's lotsCopy !req
688. of parts of the Bible
that are outdated.Copy !req
689. But, like, also, it talks
about not eating shellfish.Copy !req
690. I've avoided shellfish
for that very reason.Copy !req
691. But by all means,
if you think you gotCopy !req
692. more wisdom than the Bible...Copy !req
693. Good luck to you, sir.Copy !req
694. Thank you.Copy !req
695. Thank you.Copy !req
696. BJ, what is this?
How did you—Copy !req
697. I'm sorry I've been using you
as a punching bag.Copy !req
698. It's not right.Copy !req
699. Thank you, Dr. Watson.Copy !req
700. Can you also bring us
some sparkling?Copy !req
701. Glad to see you
and Dr. WatsonCopy !req
702. gettin' along so well.Copy !req
703. He really has helped.Copy !req
704. He's given me somethin' else
to focus onCopy !req
705. other than my anger
and questions of "why me?"Copy !req
706. BJ, maybe God was testin' us
with what he did to you.Copy !req
707. Maybe he's testin'
our faith in himCopy !req
708. and our faith in each other.Copy !req
709. You really think so?Copy !req
710. Maybe.Copy !req
711. I mean, you know any test
we face, we fuckin' ace.Copy !req
712. Especially now that
my Daddy has desecratedCopy !req
713. his relationship to Mama,Copy !req
714. we're the best couple
in this whole fuckin' family.Copy !req
715. I love you, Judy.Copy !req
716. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
717. You want to do another gummy?Copy !req
718. Ow!Copy !req
719. If I do another one,Copy !req
720. I'll be in outer space.Copy !req
721. Get down.Copy !req
722. Eli, there's somethin'Copy !req
723. I haven't been straight
with you about.Copy !req
724. What are you talkin' about?Copy !req
725. Me and you need to have
a talk about my ex.Copy !req