1. - Look who it is.
- This motherfucker.
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2. Children, do I got a doozy for you.
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3. Baby Billy what are you
gonna hit us up for now, man?
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4. Lionel need gold baby teeth
or some shit?
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5. Let me guess.
This time want a harem
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6. full of professional rub-and-tuggists
from Thailand?
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7. Y'all just dirty.
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8. What? You want to ask permission
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9. to sell tickets for people to dig up
Momma's grave and do pee on her?
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10. That ain't right.
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11. All three of you are about to look
like dickheads with the news I got.
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12. Well what you got, Uncle Baby Billy?
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13. I'm friends with Dusty Daniels.
The Slick Bandit himself.
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14. I partied with his ass over Monaco
after my second bankruptcy.
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15. It's gonna get us all. Y2K!
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16. Six, five, four...
Three, two, one!
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17. New year's eve 1999
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18. But Y2K shit didn't happen.
So we partied our dicks off that night.
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19. Me, and Dusty Daniels, and Gene
Hackman lost our fucking minds man.
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20. The actor, Gene Hackman?
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21. It was either him or some unfortunate
fella who looked just like him.
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22. Gene!
It's Gene fucking Hackman!
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23. We went hard. Everybody talking
about the end of the world.
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24. Felt like God was giving
us a second shot.
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25. Get it, Gene. Get it, Gene.
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26. So we took some shots.
Whole bunch of 'em.
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27. We found an after party.
We hung a bit.
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28. Wait hold up.
Did you fuck Dusty Daniels?
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29. I doubt it. But you never know.
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30. Y2K.
We threw caution to the wind, boy.
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31. So y'all for sure touched dicks.
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32. We might've touched dicks. That
ain't the important part of the story.
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33. I put a good word
for you with Dusty.
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34. Now he's getting bored
with the Simkins crew.
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35. Said they whine too much about
the dead parents.
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36. I think that door might still be
opened for you now.
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37. Okay, I'll bite. What do we have to do
to get him back?
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38. Well, you know how old Dusty
likes himself a competition.
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39. So it seemed like the best bet
would be for y'all all
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40. to prove your worth by going
head to head with the Simkins family
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41. on the premier episode of
Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
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42. - Oh, God!
- Winner gets Dusty. Imagine that.
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43. Two famous Christian families
just dukin' it out for Dusty!
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44. Come on. Again with this
Bible Bonkers bullshit. Give it up.
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45. You want Dusty back?
Green light my fucking show.
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46. Woowee sucker.
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47. Jesus.
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48. So what we coming here for?
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49. I got to use their
coin-counting machine.
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50. Or maybe, putting her 30 bucks
right there.
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51. Thirty bucks won't even
get us half a tank of gas.
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52. Well that's a half tank more than
we got right now, smart guy.
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53. All we got to do it get the Gemstones.
You need to learn the value of a dollar.
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54. - Have fun.
- Come on.
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55. Let's go do the Coinstar together.
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56. Maybe get you a candy bar
depending on how much we got left.
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57. But but you do the coins. I don't
need a candy bar. I'll stand watch.
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58. All right.
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59. I appreciate you, Chuck.
You're a good boy,
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60. standing up with your Pa while
rest of the world turned their backs.
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61. You're all I've got left.
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62. I love you buddy.
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63. I love you too, Pa.
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64. What? $12.38?
Uh, dammit.
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65. Chuck!
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66. Chuck!
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67. Authorities are still searching
for this person of interest.
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68. Peter Montgomery, 64,
had rented the truck with the bomb.
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69. It's still unknown whether he escaped
or died in the blast.
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70. We will continue to follow
this story as it develops.
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71. How come they haven't said nothing
about Chuck, Momma?
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72. Why do you think?
Because there ain't nothing left of him.
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73. - Don't say that.
- Let's stay positive.
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74. Chuck. Poor, poor Chuck.
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75. Daddy...
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76. Remember how we were talking
about how we were doing Bonkers?
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77. We need to get two more members
to round out our team.
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78. We were hoping
to get some ringers.
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79. We were thinking maybe
you be one of our team members,
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80. maybe Big Karl or Aunt May-May.
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81. - What the hell is he talking about?
- Maybe out of respect for Chuck...
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82. No that's the thing, though,
Amber is we were gonna ask Chuck
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83. cause he's a Bible nerd.
But is like obviously now...
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84. So now we have settle for Karl
or May-May. Still good choices.
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85. - That's enough.
- Hey y'all, let's do it for Chuck.
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86. If he's dead like the news is really,
really making it seem like he is,
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87. he would want us to win Dusty back.
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88. He would.
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89. - Oh my God, my son!
- Mama!
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90. We could do an in memorandums in
the title card in the credits for him.
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91. - In memoriams.
- It's in-memoriam.
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92. - The memoriam? Memoriams?
- Daddy, that would be sick.
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93. To Chuck.
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94. How many times have you
heard me give that speech?
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95. Something about this time
even some Hebrews came up to me.
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96. Oh, looky-here.
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97. Boys, we're doing chuckles.
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98. Simkins, I really hope you've enjoyed
yourself with the Slick Bandit.
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99. We'll see where old Dusty lands after my
family whips your ass on Bible Bonkers.
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100. Better hush that cussing, Jesse,
less you want another white slap.
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101. Don't you know who
you're up against, Jesse?
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102. Vance here knows the entire
New Testament by heart.
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103. His Biblical knowledge runs deep.
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104. Well, my family's biblical knowledge
runs deep too.
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105. Your family doesn't
stand a chance, Jesse.
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106. We're going to humiliate you on Bible
Bonkers. On your own network.
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107. Let all your followers see how far
the mighty Gemstone empire has fallen.
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108. They're all going to leave you.
Even God will forsake you.
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109. Son of a bitch.
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110. No acts of violence will be
tolerated in the chambers.
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111. A black slap will be administrated so.
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112. - What the hell is a black slap?
- You get naked for that one.
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113. I dare you.
Get the black slap.
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114. Boys, save it for the quiz show.
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115. Fine. The quiz show it shall be
saved for.
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116. Can't wait.
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117. Jesse. Jesse.
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118. - You keep on truckin.
- Don't you tell me how to walk.
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119. I truck everywhere I walk.
This'll be your face at the quiz show.
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120. Oh yeah? How about this?
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121. How's that?
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122. Don't get dizzy on your way out.
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123. They took my son away
from me and what now?
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124. What am I supposed to do now?
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125. Lord Jesus.
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126. I am in my darkest hour.
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127. I am but a lost sheep
in the need of a shepherd.
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128. Please give me a sign, Lord Jesus.
Please!
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129. Oh shoot.
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130. I will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
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131. nor the pestilence that stalks
the darkness,
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132. nor the plague that destroys
at midday.
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133. Dear Lord, you are our fortress
and our refuge. Amen.
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134. Amen.
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135. Crying won't do no good, son.
Stay strong.
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136. The Lord's will shall be done.
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137. - Hello, Momma. Karl.
- Chuck?
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138. Chuck? Chuck, you're alive!
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139. Thank you, God!
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140. Oh, my God! Oh Chuckie!
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141. - The Lord has delivered him back to us.
- Actually, I hitchhiked here.
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142. That explosion
was meant for y'all Gemstones.
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143. Chuck saved you.
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144. I made sure there was no people
nearby when I set it off.
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145. I needed to break away.
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146. I started to realize it
right after you left, Karl.
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147. Why were you like super mean to us
the whole time we were held captive?
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148. I didn't want y'all to die or get hurt.
I just wanted Pa to get that money
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149. and thought y'all can afford it.
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150. I'm sorry, cousins. Uncle.
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151. I know it ain't no excuse.
But I am sorry.
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152. I have to admit. You keeping us
from blowing up in an explosion
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153. is a pretty good way to make
it up to us. Very thoughtful.
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154. Creative, too.
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155. I for one do not accept
this betrayer's words.
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156. if you'll excuse me I have a quiz show
program to make preparations for.
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157. Hey cuz!
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158. Jesse!
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159. I don't expect you to forgive me
or be cool cousins with me anymore.
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160. I know I done you wrong.
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161. I wanted to know what it'd be like
to have my Daddy again.
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162. See what he could teach me.
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163. - Wasn't what I expected.
- Homie is a damn militia leader.
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164. I don't know what sort of daddy and son
lessons you hoped to snag from that?
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165. That's easy for you to say. You got your
Daddy around and he helps you all.
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166. Barely. Sure, he gave us the houses,
and fancy stuff, and the church.
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167. - But that's fucking all.
- That other stuff is a lot.
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168. I'd trade every bid of it to act like he
was proud of me every now and again.
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169. Instead of looking at me like
he's half-ass embarrassed.
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170. An old man looking at you
like that your whole life,
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171. I'd say that's worst
than havin' no daddy at all.
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172. I guess we got that in common.
Both look to our Daddies for guidance.
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173. But we're growing up.
It's up to us now.
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174. Yeah, it is.
Look, I'll tell you what.
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175. If you promise to not betray my family
or participate sort of kidnapping plots
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176. against me or people that are
important to me, and I will forgive you.
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177. Just know if you go back on your
promise that I will then kill you.
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178. And that will be fair an will be
nothing you can say anything about it.
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179. - How would you kill me?
- I don't know. Maybe shoot you.
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180. I could stab you,
cut you up,
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181. chop your little body into pices maybe
radiation poisoning. Anything I desire.
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182. You won't see it coming.
But you will be dead.
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183. It don't matter.
I'll never betray you again.
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184. - Or do kidnappings?
- Or do kidnappings.
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185. Cool cousins again?
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186. Cool cousins.
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187. Gemstones and Montgomerys,
oil and vinegar, fire and ice,
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188. but not today dear Lord.
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189. Tonight we thank you for joining us
here together as one.
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190. One family to defeat another family,
to win the riches of yet another man.
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191. A race car man.
Please dear heavenly father
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192. give us the strength, courage,
and dexterity to defeat the Simkins.
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193. Let us be victorious today,
united as one.
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194. Amen.
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195. I'm really feeling like
we maybe can pull this off.
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196. Me too.
Thanks for joining the squad, cuzzes.
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197. We know you all are huge Bible nerds.
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198. - So fuck yes.
- We are. We know our stuff.
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199. Knock knock.
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200. - Came to say hi before the show?
- I've come to say thank you.
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201. Having my own game show
has always been a dream of mine.
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202. And you all made it come true.
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203. You've always dreamt
of being a game show host?
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204. You're goddamn right, Jesse.
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205. And I know you all
see me as a mentor figure.
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206. It's no wonder as y'all are
basically orphens.
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207. I mean your momma is dead and Daddy
is out to lunch but who stepped up? Me.
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208. I had to step up.
I had to guide you and counsel you.
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209. And hold you.
Well I feel like I'm your daddy.
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210. You didn't do
any of those things you just said.
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211. - I've done all of it. I'm your Daddy.
- You're not my daddy.
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212. - I am your daddy!
- You ain't my daddy, boy.
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213. - I am your daddy.
- Not our daddy.
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214. - Hush! I said I'm your daddy.
- You ain't my daddy.
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215. Listen to me. I know you got
a lot riding on this game tonight.
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216. So, to show you my appreciation and
to let you know how much I love you,
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217. I'm gonna get distracted and
leave this deck of cards
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218. with the answers to tonight's questions
your dressing room now.
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219. I'm distracted. I'm not paying
attention. Did I leave something here?
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220. I'll be your old man.
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221. - Good luck. Judy.
- Okay.
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222. What the fuck is going on right now?
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223. Yeah. I'll be on style.
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224. I'm proud of you.
Now, go cheat.
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225. Seems dishonest to me.
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226. You know, Chuck. With those, there's
no way in hell we would lose to that.
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227. You know I ain't above cheating. Use
our family's wealth to purchase a win.
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228. Or hire some fellas to
go on their dressing room
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229. and beat the fuck out of them so they're
incapacitated at the tournament tonight.
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230. Okay. Let's do that.
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231. But that would not be
the behavior of a righteous man.
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232. Tonight, we beat these
motherfuchers fair and square.
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233. Tonight, we're fucking earning
this one.
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234. Goddamn it.
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235. I am so proud of you, Jesse.
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236. That being said,
we are definitely gonna lose now.
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237. You know what?
This is gonna take too long.
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238. Goddamn.
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239. There. No one look at the card 'cause
they've got my cock cooties on them.
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240. - Now let's go win.
- Amen!
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241. - Let's win!
- Come on! Let's go!
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242. I never thought I'd
see the day
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243. when our grown children
were together on a quiz show.
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244. Yeah, it is kind of crazy.
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245. Oh my God.
Is that who I think it is?
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246. Damn, it's Peter.
That is him.
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247. Follow him. Discretely.
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248. - Amen.
- Go Bonkers.
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249. - Who did Jesus bring back to life?
- Lazarus!
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250. What is the color of death's
great horse?
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251. Pale!
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252. - Who put all the animals on the boat?
- Noah!
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253. Let's go.
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254. Bible Bonkers.
Buzz it in in the name of the Lord.
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255. Bible Bonkers,
where Jesus has the highest score.
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256. From Abraham and Sarah to Adam and Eve,
a little burning bush to an olive tree.
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257. Let's go Bible Bonkers.
God's favorite game.
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258. Bible Bonkers. Bible Bonkers.
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259. God's favorite game!
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260. Welcome to the very
first episode of a soon-to-be
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261. Christian Cultural Phenomenon,
Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers!
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262. I'm so blessed to have you here from
all over the world and that's a big ask
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263. considering the price of gasoline
these days.
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264. Everything's expensive now, even wood!
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265. If Noah was alive today, he
couldn't have build the arc out of wood.
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266. He'd have to build him a dingy.
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267. Let's bring out our first contestants.
Bonker Boys, bring out The Gemstones.
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268. Yes! Come on, baby!
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269. All right. And now,
let's bring out their opponents.
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270. The Simkins family!
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271. All right.
Let's have the team captains.
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272. Please come up here
to the buzzer podium.
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273. There's a lot on the line tonight.
So, let's hit it. First question.
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274. How long was Lazarus dead for
when Jesus brought him back to life?
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275. - Four days.
- Four days, that is correct.
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276. That's a point, Simkins.
Next one, next person, come up!
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277. Let's go Gemstones.
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278. Judy, you got this!
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279. Give me some sugar now.
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280. It is fine! He's my uncle!
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281. Next question.
What is the shortest bible verse?
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282. - John 11:35! Jesus Wept!
- You're done.
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283. All right.
Another point for the Simkins!
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284. - Don't worry. I got this.
- Next one. We don't have to.
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285. - All right.
- Here we go.
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286. Kelvin Gemstone!
Finish the scripture.
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287. James 1:5
"If any of lack wisdom, let him..."
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288. - Ask of God!
- God. I knew it.
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289. That is correct.
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290. - Nicodemus.
- Correct.
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291. - In an ark of bulrushes.
- Correct! Another point for the Simkins!
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292. Where is he going?
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293. - He's going to the church.
- What?
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294. Peter,
what the hell are you doing?
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295. Stop! Don't come any closer.
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296. It's my new bomb.
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297. Young and eager.
Don't you try this!
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298. I Bluetooth connected
the bomb to my FitBit.
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299. Acts as a dead man's switch.
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300. My heartbeat stops,
Mr. FitBit tells Mr. Bomb to explode.
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301. So don't try anything!
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302. What is with you and bombs now?
You're a damn fool, Peter!
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303. I got nothing left!
Don't you know?
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304. We lost him, May-May.
We lost our boy.
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305. He's the only thing I had
in this world and now he's gone!
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306. Chuck ain't dead, you idiot. He's in
the studio you're trying to blow up.
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307. Chuck set the bomb off.
He did it to get away from you.
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308. Wait.
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309. The Gemstone family
lost that first round,
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310. which means the Team Captain
is sent to the hurricane booth!
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311. - What the hell is a hurricane booth?
- You're about to find out.
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312. - Bonker Boys, take him away.
- No.
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313. Get him out.
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314. Hit him over,
going to the hurricane booth.
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315. This is the Bonkers part
of the Program.
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316. Now, every single time
the Gemstones get one wrong,
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317. we're gonna blast Jesse
in the hurricane booth.
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318. So you turned Chuck against me too?
It's your fault any of this happened.
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319. It'a always been your fault.
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320. You don't gotta do this. You know
it's not what Christ would want.
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321. Come to think of it. Nowadays,
I don't even know what Christ wants.
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322. But I do know he always seems
to have the Gemstones' backs.
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323. There's one thing I keep telling
myself to make me feel better.
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324. The Lord builds them up
so when they fall,
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325. they'll fall harder
than any of this righteous...
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326. What is that?
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327. A bug just knocked
its ass on your mouth.
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328. Look!
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329. Now, from the book of Leviticus.
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330. Everyone, get inside!
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331. Fuck!
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332. Son of bitches!
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333. Baby Billy!
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334. Chuck! Karl!
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335. - I got you, Dusty! Let's go!
- Okay.
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336. - Jesse, where are you? Jesse!
- Amber! Amber!
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337. Go, go! I got 'em! I got 'em!
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338. Jesse, where is Eli?
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339. I don't know! Come on!
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340. My boys!
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341. May-May! May-May!
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342. Come on, get in! Get in here!
Let's go.
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343. Get in here.
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344. - BJ!
- Judy! Dang it! No!
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345. - Don't you let go of me!
- Never!
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346. I got you. I got you, Keefe!
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347. - Jesse!
- Come on, get in there!
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348. No! Jesse, where are you going!
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349. I gotta find my daddy!
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350. - What did he say?
- He went to find some titty!
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351. Daddy!
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352. We're gonna have to do
some reshoots.
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353. Dus, you okay?
I've been so worried about you.
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354. But Dusty, come on now.
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355. I was looking all over for you.
Where were you?
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356. Come here.
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357. What?
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358. That was God.
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359. That was God talking to us,
just as sure as I'm talking to you.
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360. - That's God's hand, Peter.
- I know. It was.
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361. - Chuck didn't die in that explosion.
- He sees that, Karl.
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362. And I'm glad.
I thought I had got you killed.
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363. Me getting out of prison was the worst
thing that could happen to this family.
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364. I shouldn't never come home and
brought all this misery upon y'all.
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365. No. The worst thing that
happened to this family
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366. is when you got locked up.
I blamed everyone else, even Eli.
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367. The truth is, this happened because
we have our own problems.
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368. I mean, you were just trying to
make our lives better, more comfortable.
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369. And I never supported you.
I'm really sorry for that, Peter.
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370. I don't think I've ever heard you say
you're sorry before, Momma.
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371. - Because she's never said it before.
- Well, I'm saying it now.
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372. I love you guys.
I love you guys.
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373. God moves in mysterious ways.
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374. You know, I feel like I got my family.
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375. The deadman's switch.
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376. - The bomb is set to explode!
- What? Did he say a bomb?
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377. It'll vaporize this whole place.
There's only one thing I can do
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378. and that's drive it out of here!
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379. But Pa, you'll blow up!
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380. - Peter, no!
- Daddy, no!
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381. - To tomorrow's fires!
- No!
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382. Daddy, no!
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383. Papa, no!
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384. No!
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385. We are here today to say goodbye
to a wonderful man, a true legend.
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386. NASCAR'S own Dusty Daniels.
People knew him as the Slick Bandit.
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387. He lived big drove fast,
and spoke from the he hart.
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388. Our family was lucky enough
to get close to him
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389. before he passed away
peacefully in his sleep,
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390. he entrusted his estate to us,
and we couldn't be happier
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391. to put his money
to good use in his name.
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392. He will be missed, but not forgotten.
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393. So together, we say
"Woowee, sucker"
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394. one last time for
the fastest man on four wheels.
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395. Woowee, sucker.
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396. How do you fix your life when
everything goes up in smokes?
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397. Good question.
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398. It's one that I ask myself every single
day because marriage isn't easy.
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399. By using the system, my wife and I
are now doing better than ever.
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400. Trust me, I did not think the System
would be any good at all.
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401. Getting handed this box
the system, we were so mad.
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402. We wanted to kill.
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403. We thought,
"What is this scam, why is it $500,
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404. why is Amber at our house giving
it to us?"
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405. Like everything about this is shady.
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406. But then we tried it,
and it helped everything.
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407. Our friendship, our love, our laughter.
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408. - Thank you so much, The System.
- See what The System can do for you.
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409. I really was off about you.
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410. I used to dread if I had to go somewhere
and I knew you were gonna be there.
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411. Like, "Oh man, fuck me, now
I'm gonna have to make conversation
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412. with the dumb mean bitch
my brother's married to."
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413. Because you don't feel
that way anymore?
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414. I mean, I'm not trying to
be best friends or nothing.
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415. I'm doing compliments.
This is a cool moment for you.
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416. I'll never forget it.
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417. Here we are again.
Parked outside of another shop of sin.
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418. God's work is never done.
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419. Should we wait
for the other Smut Busters to get here,
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420. or just do like a test run and you?
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421. Yeah.
Let them know we are watching.
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422. Judging their lifestyle what they do
their spare time.
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423. Yeah. Judge what people do in their
bedrooms behind closed doors.
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424. Yeah. Yeah.
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425. Or, we could just let this one go.
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426. - Let it go?
- Yeah.
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427. Like, maybe there are other ways
to serve the Lord.
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428. Maybe this is the kind situation
where you live and let live.
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429. - Live and let live, you say?
- Yeah.
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430. It was just an expression
I made up on the spot right there.
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431. Popped to my head like magic.
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432. I look like an asshole.
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433. Your journey to becoming a man worthy
of the Gemstone name begins today.
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434. There was a time
in every kid's life
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435. who's moving out of his parents' house,
strike out to the world on your own.
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436. Push yourself to achieve things
you never thought possible.
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437. You didn't do that. You literally live
on the same property as Grandad.
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438. There was a time where I would have
slapped the taste out of your mouth
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439. for saying that to me.
But not anymore.
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440. Because you're right.
I didn't earn it, it was given to me.
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441. I wonder who I would have been
if I wouldn't had to work for it.
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442. If I had to fight
tooth and nail to survive.
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443. I'd like to think
I could have done it.
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444. But I'll never know.
I don't want that for you.
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445. I'm fine with that being how it goes
for me. Seriously, Dad.
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446. You're gonna earn it. And you're gonna
be a better man than me when it's done.
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447. - It's my gift to you.
- A gift?
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448. You're making me go
to a fucking military school!
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449. I'm making sure you learn
how to fly, my son. Come here.
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450. I love you.
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451. They're gonna eat
his fuckin' ass alive.
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452. Now that you're all healed,
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453. I take it you'll be leaving me
looking for a new driver.
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454. Well, Grandad,
if I stayed and didn't leave.
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455. You can drive for me
as long as you want.
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456. But don't let it keep you
from follow up your calling.
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457. Well, Grandad,
that's the thing.
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458. If I wanted to learn to do what you do,
would you teach me?
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459. You wanna preach?
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460. Yeah, I think I might.
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461. Got one.
Ease on.
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462. - There it is.
- Come on, keep 'em.
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463. My turn, fuckers!
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464. Yeah!
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465. Let's fucking go!
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466. Subtitling
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