1. Attention pharmacy! I need some salves
and shit for intense body beatings.
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2. For what?
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3. My husband got the living shit
beat out of him and it's all my fault.
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4. Help me take his pain away!
Pronto!
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5. Fine!
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6. You're a fucking idiot.
That's what you are.
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7. Make me feel good.
Make me feel good.
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8. Turn your brights off you dumb cunt!
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9. I said turn your brights off.
This ain't fuckin' Jurassic Park.
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10. Fuck! What the fuck?
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11. Oh, my God!
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12. Fuck! Fuck!
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13. Keefe!
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14. Are there any woodworkers in there?
I'm looking for Keefe Chambers.
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15. Whoa, God!
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16. I am so embarrassed for you guys,
cause I'm a professional martial artist.
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17. That's right.
I trained with the Gracie family.
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18. Royce and Jeff.
Corbin. All of the Gracie brothers.
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19. Oh, God! Help! Help me!
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20. How ya doing, cuz?
You working late?
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21. Yeah, Lord's work is never done.
What? You miss me?
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22. I sure did.
Wanna come for a ride?
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23. - Where's the Redeemer?
- Ol' boy needed to rest.
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24. Come on. Let's just you and me hang.
Take a break from the sibs.
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25. You know I love a sibs-free
hang sesh.
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26. I'll tell you what, I'll join you.
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27. I left my phone charger in my car.
Let me grab that shit real quick.
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28. Back the fuck up, cuz!
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29. What are you gonna do? Kill all of us
here in the church parking lot?
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30. Hey! Get the fuck back! Go!
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31. Back up!
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32. Chill motherfucker.
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33. Goddammit!
Who the fuck do you think you are?
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34. - Sounds like Jesse.
- Shit, they got him, too.
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35. Shit! I'll kill you!
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36. I'll rip your assholes out
and eat it and kill you! Goddammit!
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37. Get these pillowcases off
our fucking faces!
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38. - I'm thirsty!
- Kelvin, Judy, what is this?
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39. I have no clue. These fucking animals
snatched me right out my whip.
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40. - Who the heck are these guys?
- Who do you think? It's the cousins!
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41. Fucking betrayer Chuck
was waiting for me.
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42. Ambushed me in the fucking
Gemstone parking lot.
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43. - The cousins? Why the fuck?
- I have no clue.
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44. I figured out the part about
the cousins being involved.
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45. Maybe y'all can
find some fucking clues, too.
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46. I got here 10 minutes before you did.
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47. All right, Kelvin. That's plenty of time
to ask "What the fuck is happening?"
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48. Let me guess. You were just sitting
there, quitting, giving up!
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49. Okay. I'm in no mind space to
be teased right now.
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50. And the reason I quit is 'cause no
one in church believed in me, Jesse.
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51. Including you.
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52. Are you all really just sitting in here
talking about church work?
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53. We have been kidnapped,
you fucking bitches!
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54. No, Judy.
And for your information,
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55. it's not called kidnapping when it's
adults, it's a abduction, you dumb-ass.
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56. You know what, Jesse,
puke on yourself and eat it, please.
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57. Kelvin!
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58. Is that you in here
screaming like a woman?
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59. Yup. Please don't hurt us.
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60. Uncle Peter,
what the fuck are you doing?
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61. Jesse, we're gonna ransom you
to your daddy for money.
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62. You fucking Montgomerys are so low.
We're family!
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63. Them's the breaks, Jesse.
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64. We've been handed some tough breaks
ourselves over the years.
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65. Maybe it's about time
y'all experienced some, too.
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66. Shut up, Chuck!
You deserve this life, dude,
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67. in the woods with a bunch of incels,
gazing into each other's dickholes.
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68. You suck, Chuck. Big Karl.
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69. I can't see you because
I got this bag on my head.
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70. But I can smell you.
You better do something to stop this.
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71. If you don't, we ain't gonna be cousins
no more.
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72. Wow, Karl. That must really hurt.
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73. You assholes! Come on.
Want some of this?
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74. - How about you get a little closer?
- Yeah, laugh in my face, Uncle Peter.
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75. - I think they left.
- No, we're still here.
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76. Goddammit!
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77. It's not funny to do jokes like that!
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78. Have y'all seen the handsome man?
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79. Chad, have you heard from Jesse?
He never came home last night.
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80. - What's going on?
- Dad's missing.
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81. Sweet!
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82. Let me know if you hear from him.
Okay? Thank you.
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83. Judy, it's me again.
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84. If you're out with someone,
I wish you would just let me know.
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85. If you don't call me back soon.
I might not be here when you get back.
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86. So call me. Okay?
It's BJ.
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87. Left at the church this morning.
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88. Jesus loves me, yes, I know,
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89. for the Bible tells me so.
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90. Little ones to Him belong.
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91. They are weak but He is strong.
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92. Yes, Jesus loves me!
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93. Fucking Montgomerys!
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94. Good morning. Peter Montgomery.
How can I help you on this blessed day?
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95. - This is what you're doing now?
- Eli, you ruined my life.
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96. You didn't think
I was gonna make you pay?
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97. - Let my kids go, Peter.
- You got involved with my boys.
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98. Now I'm getting involved
with your offspring.
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99. Five million a head.
You wanna see all three? That's 15 mil.
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100. And call me back when you
have your finances in order.
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101. It's on.
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102. You must think I'm fucking stupid.
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103. I'm sure I do. But what does that
have to do with anything?
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104. Your sons have fucked me over.
Like an idiot I fell for it.
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105. - I let you all in.
- The hell are you talking about?
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106. - Peter and your boys kidnapped my kids!
- Kidnapped?
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107. Nice boys you got there, May-May.
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108. All that Bible thumping
really raised them upright.
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109. Oh, no. You got your facts mixed up.
This is some kind of mistake.
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110. What have your kids
dragged my boys into?
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111. My kids? It's your kids!
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112. I bet your kids are trying
to scam you for money.
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113. You're a self-righteous asshole,
May-May. I've been kind to you.
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114. And for what?
To have your low life boys fuck me over?
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115. I will not sit here and let you use
abusive language about my boys.
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116. - I will leave your home.
- Nope. You ain't going nowhere.
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117. Filthy as fuck in here.
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118. Chicken doo-doo is getting all ground
into my fucking seduction dress.
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119. How can you eat in this dirty
ass heat, Jesse? Goddang!
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120. Because after I finish
eating this orphanage food,
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121. I'mma fold this bowl into a knife.
Then when that door opens
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122. and the little one walks in,
I'm gonna slay him.
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123. Cut his fuckin' face off
and wear it as a mask then
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124. I'mma walk out of here,
hot wire The Redeemer,
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125. smash every fuckin' thing I can
in here and escape. How's that sound?
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126. Sounds insane and not doable?
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127. There is no way you'd fit that man's
face over your gigantic face.
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128. Serves you right trying to argue with
me. Fuckin' fat face that, little bitch.
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129. That's the thing that
pisses me off the most about you two.
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130. Every single fucking time
I suggest anything,
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131. you two are so eager just to jump down
my throat and punch holes in my shit.
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132. Homeboy, like you're not trying to
always argue with us.
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133. You're constantly acting like
we're gonna mess everything up.
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134. - You do mess everything up.
- Name one fucking thing!
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135. - Your fucking marriage?
- Shut up, Jesse! I will kill you!
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136. Excuse me!
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137. Militia people!
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138. I demand to be held captive
in a private sala, right now! Please!
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139. - So, it's your kind that's done this?
- Yes.
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140. So it needs to be handled sensitively.
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141. The man is part of a violent militia.
It's a nightmare.
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142. Well, it might be cold comfort,
but I guarantee he has a headache
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143. now that he's got your
three kids on his hands.
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144. Maybe he'll get worn down
and just let them go?
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145. I said the same thing.
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146. Let's do what has to
be done to get them back.
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147. I agree, Daddy.
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148. Does your face have
anything to do with this?
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149. I'd like to keep the focus
on the victims, if we could.
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150. Priority should be on
bringing them home.
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151. Have you thought about
just paying him?
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152. Nobody listens to me.
I wouldn't pay him a dime.
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153. - I would just flat-out refuse.
- What?
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154. Has he made any threats to hurt them
or kill them if you don't pay?
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155. Isn't that implied when
you hold someone hostage?
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156. Peter ain't a killer.
He's bluffing.
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157. - Peter has killed somebody once.
- He did?
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158. Yeah.
That's how he got shot in the face.
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159. I wondered what that was,
but I thought it rude to ask.
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160. I thought maybe a spear or
something went through there.
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161. A spear?
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162. Oh, family.
I came as soon as I heard, now.
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163. My precious niece and nephews.
Lionel has been a mess.
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164. - Worried sick about his cousins.
- He's so sick. Lionel, stop crying.
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165. Ain't nobody gonna ransom you.
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166. I made these dollies that
look just like Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin
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167. so you can hug and kiss these
until they get home safe.
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168. - Thank you, sweetheart.
- Very much appreciated. Thank you.
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169. That's good job with the voodoo dolls.
Thanks, Tiff. Scoot over a little.
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170. Eli, now you might've not known this
but me and Jesse had an agreement.
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171. So I jus wanna make sure now,
if something were to happen to him,
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172. you're still gonna honor the
series pick-up of Bible Bonkers now.
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173. Of Bible what?
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174. Baby Billy, maybe now's not
the time for that.
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175. I feel horrible that I thought she was
out having another roll in the hay.
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176. Do you know the worst part of this?
how much of this is out of our hands.
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177. We have so little say in this.
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178. Jesse knew it was a bad idea to have
the Montgomerys here it the first place.
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179. That was Eli who wanted them here
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180. and now he has May-May in the room
going "Don't pay?" It's madness.
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181. - Hey.
- What?
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182. - Look. It's Kelvin's friend, Chief.
- I think his name is Quiche.
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183. I always heard it as Heath.
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184. Hi.
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185. Oh, we're... okay.
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186. Something's happened to Kelvin,
didn't it? My senses say yes.
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187. He was abducted
along with Jesse and Judy.
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188. Please, let me help. I'll sacrifice
my life and my body if need be.
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189. You know what?
The authorities are already on it.
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190. And they're doing everything
they can. You don't have to do that.
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191. You're right. I shouldn't be here.
This is a family crisis situation.
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192. - I'll go.
- Okay. Thank you.
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193. You're Kelvin's friend.
We're family.
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194. - We're in this together.
- Together.
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195. All I ever...
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196. - Okay.
- Thank you.
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197. That was beautiful.
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198. We're gonna get more money
than we know what to do with!
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199. - Hey, Peter!
- What?
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200. What are we gonna do
with all that money?
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201. I say we poison the water supply
in some liberal city!
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202. Let's blow up one of them 5G towers!
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203. All very good ideas! You know what?
I think we're gonna do 'em all!
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204. - Reach up, grab it.
- Come on. Make yourself longer.
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205. I can't reach it. Maybe Kelvin can
somersault up here or something?
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206. Normally, I could.
But, I'm malnourished right now.
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207. I don't think I'd have the ups.
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208. Motherfucker, you couldn't flip up
there on a full belly or not.
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209. You don't think
I'd flip up there on a full belly?
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210. All right, fine. Judy, come on down.
I'll show you.
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211. - This is gonna be good.
- You wanna this freak athleticisms?
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212. - Are you okay?
- Yeah.
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213. - Let's watch Kelvin break his neck.
- You need a lot of force, Kelvin.
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214. Clap your hands, y'all.
Let's build that energy.
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215. Sonic boom. Come on, big dog,
you got this.
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216. - Was I close?
- Not at all.
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217. - Hey.
- Hi.
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218. - What are you all in here doing?
- Nothing. Talking shit about you.
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219. - Pa says y'all can come out now.
- Did Daddy pay? Are we going home?
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220. No. Time for church.
Pa wants y'all to lead us.
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221. All right, quiet. We're gonna see what
old Eli passed down to his seeds.
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222. What kinda talents did he nurture?
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223. I'm curious, "What kind of apple
fell from that tree?"
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224. I bet rotten ones.
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225. - Fuck off, Chuck.
- No!
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226. You say that one more time.
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227. - Thanks, Jesse.
- Okay, fine.
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228. You want us to preach?
We'll preach.
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229. Praise be to He, Jesse.
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230. I'm used to us looking down at our loyal
congregation from high above
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231. on our awesome well-lit stage.
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232. But it is such a treat to be eye-level
with such good Christian men.
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233. I can tell looking at these men right
now, as they're looking back at us.
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234. They are wondering,
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235. "Why would we hold these good
Christian people hostage?"
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236. - Amen.
- "This is wrong."
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237. Look at them. They're having
a change of heart right now.
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238. Almost. Perhaps if dear sis were
to sing a ditty right now,
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239. that would help
to change their hearts and minds?
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240. - Yup.
- Do a song.
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241. Dear bro. Yeah. The thing is,
there's no PA system. There's no band.
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242. There's no backup dancers.
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243. True talents don't need PA systems,
they do the shit a capella.
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244. What would I even sing?
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245. Not tryna to bust out Bobby McFerrin
shit up in a barn, you know?
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246. We're just asking you
to do basic anything.
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247. Just sing a regular song,
something from church.
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248. Just do it, what's wrong with you?
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249. Boy, your Daddy didn't leave you
with much, did he?
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250. I mean, that's laughable.
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251. Hey boys, that's why you never
get jealous of people.
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252. Eli raised his family
with more money
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253. but he forgot to give
them one simple gift.
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254. - His time.
- Yeah.
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255. Threw money at you instead
of raising you right.
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256. Jesus loves.
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257. You know, religion used
to teach us about fear.
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258. Fear of God, fear of the Devil,
fear of burning in hell.
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259. Now...
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260. Fear... kept people in line.
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261. Gemstones, you know what?
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262. If I gave you this
snake here to hold.
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263. To hold? I don't wanna hold it.
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264. All the money in the world
ain't gonna save you if he bit you.
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265. No sir. You'd be dead in hours.
So what is money gonna do for that?
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266. Fear of God is
the best chance you got.
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267. God says.
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268. - God saves!
- Yes, sir.
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269. Money, money just gets you stuff.
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270. Don't give him that money, Eli.
I'm telling you.
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271. The children are in danger.
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272. Are you ready to tithe, Eli?
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273. By the way your kids are spoiled
rotten, and they're horrible preachers.
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274. You should've raised them better.
What were you busy doing, big boy?
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275. You're all talk, Peter. You were once
a sweet man, a decent man.
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276. I know somewhere deep down inside
that decent man still exists.
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277. I ain't paying you, Peter.
You know what you're doing is wrong.
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278. I know you're gonna do the right thing.
Remember who you are, Peter.
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279. Goddamn it!
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280. So he ain't gonna pay? Nothing?
Not even for his own kids?
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281. No Marshall.
That's what he said.
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282. So make him pay then.
Them hostages, I say we kill one of 'em.
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283. Kill 'em?
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284. Show him that we ain't messing around.
If he wants to see them other two again
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285. then he better open up that wallet.
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286. Dakota got a point.
We done come this far.
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287. If you ain't got the stomach for it,
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288. I'll do it, Peter.
I don't mind killing.
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289. That ain't nothing but a thing.
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290. Dang it, I can't do it.
It won't come out.
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291. Just shit and stop making such
a big fucking deal about it, Kelvin.
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292. - Do your dumps boy!
- Fine!
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293. I will but shut up a little bit
and quit throwing corns! Let me focus.
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294. - Jesse, what's up with your face dude?
- Nothing.
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295. Your sideburns are like
shiftin' down your cheeks, man.
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296. - They crying, dawg.
- No they're not.
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297. It's just my sweat intermingling
with the grit in the air.
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298. Naw, son. That ain't grit.
That's your dye job in your sideburns
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299. and the sweat is making
it run down your cheeks.
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300. No it's not! Fuck off!
I told you, it's my sweat glands!
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301. It's dye, dude.
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302. Did Daddy pay?
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303. No, he did not.
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304. - He ain't gonna pay?
- He's refusing.
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305. He thinks that I don't have it
in me to hurt you, you know?
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306. Thinks he can reach me.
But he's wrong.
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307. Now, I'm gonna kill
one of y'all after service today.
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308. How's it feel? Your Daddy loves money
more than he loves his own family.
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309. Hell, he's a worse father than me.
All right. Come on.
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310. Hey! Free us and
I'll get you the money.
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311. - Yeah.
- I can. We run the church now.
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312. You don't run nothing
but your mouth, Jesse.
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313. Uncle Peter!
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314. - Gross, Kelvin.
- My God.
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315. Dear Heavenly Father, please
watch over Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin
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316. and bring them back safely to us.
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317. Please bring swift justice to those
who have endangered our loved ones.
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318. Smite them, Lord.
Hurt them.
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319. Help them find the light in their hearts
to return them to us unharmed.
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320. And please forgive me for thinking
that Judy was catting around
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321. when really she was just abducted.
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322. Please dear Lord, help Kelvin to find
some sanitary wipes with aloe.
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323. He chafes real bad and a burnt
rectal from cheap TP
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324. could make him despondent.
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325. And if you don't bring them back,
I just pray Dear Lord
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326. that you give us the strength to do
the things that we was gonna do
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327. when they was alive.
Like Bible Bonkers.
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328. These things we
ask in your name, amen.
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329. Amen.
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330. You stay put,
I'll be there as soon as I can.
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331. I know, but why?
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332. All right.
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333. I bet no one is gonna miss me.
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334. I mean Daddy will, I guess.
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335. But besides that,
probably not anyone.
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336. Your one fucking guy with the dead eyes
and the perm he'll miss you.
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337. - Yeah.
- Doubt it.
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338. Not after the type of friend
I've been to him.
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339. I should've had his back, but now
may never have the chance.
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340. I don't wanna die. Things are
still really bad with BJ and I.
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341. That can't be the last time
we saw each other.
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342. I said some pretty fucked up stuff
to Amber too. Stuff I didn't mean.
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343. I was a dick. I'm also the only one
who has a real family.
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344. I don't want my kids to be
one of those kids that loses a parent
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345. like somebody
in a fucking Disney movie.
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346. I don't want my sons to be Bambis.
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347. I never wanna be treated differently
than you guys just because I'm a lady.
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348. But except in this situation, because
if somebody was to come in here
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349. and just kill the one girl?
That would be deeply fucked up.
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350. Probably not that fucked up considering
that Uncle Peter is a psychopath.
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351. He ain't following any, sort of,
rules about ladies and mens.
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352. I mean, he might try to kill you
because he thinks you'll be the easiest.
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353. It's obvious. Sorry, Kelvin but you
would be the easiest to kill.
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354. Uncle Peter would just roll up
in here and shoot you right in your ace.
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355. No he wouldn't.
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356. I kinda could that you would shut down
mentally because you're so terrified
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357. that you would silently roll over
in a tearful pull down to the jeans.
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358. Dumb.
Obviously he would kill Jesse first.
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359. I get that. Kill the biggest one
because he's tough to handle.
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360. - Yup.
- Y'all really think that?
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361. I've wanted people
to see me that way my entire life.
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362. Thank you for seeing me that way.
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363. I know I get on y'alls nerves.
Always riding you and shit.
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364. It's just because
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365. I feel like somebody needs to make sure
everything's gonna turn out okay.
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366. You do get on my nerves, Jesse.
But if you get killed by Uncle Peter,
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367. I promise we will
try to avenge you.
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368. - Y'all would do that for me?
- Yes.
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369. Absolutely.
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370. Take care of my wife and kids?
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371. - Say what?
- What's that?
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372. Make sure that my wife and kids
have a good life. Watch after them?
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373. I feel like your kids are old enough
to take care of themselves.
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374. That's a big ask. We don't know
what our schedules are.
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375. All right, well assuming
your schedules were free.
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376. Would you help raise
my children in my honor?
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377. Yes,
assuming our schedules are clear.
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378. - And there's nothing else present.
- I love you two.
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379. I love you too.
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380. I also love you guys.
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381. We as Christian men will constantly
be tested by evil
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382. which is why we must remember
God's word in times of adversity
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383. and do whatever is necessary
to deliver His message.
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384. Let us close with a song.
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385. All the gold in California
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386. is in a bank
in the middle of Beverly Hills
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387. in somebody else's name.
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388. So if you're dreamin' about California,
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389. it don't matter at all
where you've played before.
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390. California's a brand new game.
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391. Tryin' to be a hero...
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392. Everything that glitters is not gold.
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393. All the gold...
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394. Oh, fuck!
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395. I'm just gonna go into beast mode
and start biting faces and dicks.
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396. If I die, please
don't remember me that way.
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397. - Oh, God.
- Oh, shit.
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398. - Oh, this is happening.
- Here we go.
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399. I called Momma.
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400. Move your asses, I came all this way
to bust you out of here. Let's go.
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401. - I can't believe y'all are saving us.
- Where's Chuck?
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402. He didn't try to stop you? That little
dick would love to see us murdered.
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403. He wouldn't wanna see you
getting murdered.
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404. I mean he might not mind you dead,
but he wouldn't wanna see it happen.
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405. He's got him a weak stomach.
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406. Y'all leaving before
you say goodbye?
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407. - Ah, fuck me.
- Oh, we're dead.
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408. Karl, did you call your mom
and tattletale on us?
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409. How could you, Karl?
The Gemstones deserve what they get.
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410. I know how. Your brother there,
he's a big dope just like his Momma.
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411. I'm taking them out of here. Stop me
and I'll put another hole in your face.
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412. We can't kill 'em, Papa.
They're kin.
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413. Have you not learned yet?
Kin don't mean nothing.
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414. You think these Gemstones care about
you? Family will turn on you on a dime.
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415. You got to treat 'em like
you'd treat anybody else.
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416. We're leaving.
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417. Hey!
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418. Karl, Jesse, Judy, Kelvin.
You keep moving.
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419. He ain't gonna do nothing.
Chuck, come with us.
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420. Is this the kind of man
you wanna follow?
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421. - Don't do this, Momma.
- I will shoot you.
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422. Chuck, please come.
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423. - No.
- Fine. Stay.
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424. May-May! Hey, you stop!
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425. - Shoot her. Do it.
- What? Shoot Momma?
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426. Yes before she gets away.
Come on! Do it! Shoot her! Do it.
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427. Gideon?
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428. How the hell does he know
how to drive that thing?
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429. Because he's my fucking son.
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430. Let's see how fast
you motherfuckers can run.
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431. Come on, go, come on!
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432. Fucking Montgomerys!
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433. Come on, May-May.
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434. Here. We're in the clear!
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435. Fuck. Oh, fuck.
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436. May-May.
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437. Holy shit!
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438. Shotgun!
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439. - No bitch!
- All right.
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440. Go, go!
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441. Oh, no!
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442. Shoot him!
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443. Fuck! Shit!
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444. We're gonna make it!
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445. Oh, God.
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446. Don't you fucking move!
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447. I don't wanna go back
to the fucking silo.
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448. There's nowhere to go.
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449. Get the fuck out of the car.
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450. You got 'em.
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451. What's that?
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452. - Gideon!
- Fuck, yeah!
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453. Subtitling
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