The Righteous Gemstones 3x5

Directed by David Gordon Green

Kristen Johnston as May-May Montgomery • Emma Shannon as Young Judy • J. Gaven Wilde as Young Jesse • Tristan Borders as Young Kelvin • Sean Whalen as Walker

2000. After a Y2K doomsday fails to materialize, Eli and Aimee-Leigh find themselves flooded with criticism from their congregants…and the Montgomerys. Later, the arrival of Jesse’s girlfriend Amber throws an already fragile Judy for a loop.

Request examples:

!req The Righteous Gemstones 3x5 [02:32]
!req The Righteous Gemstones 3x5 [The Righteous Gemstones 3x5]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Righteous Gemstones 3x5 [10-11]; !req The Righteous Gemstones 3x5 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Excuse me, Judy. Can you move your hair off my desk?

2. You mean my luscious fluffs?

3. You're getting your dandruff all over my worksheet.

4. You know you like it, Stud.

5. So long and perfumy.

6. Seriously, move your hair.

7. Hi!

8. I liked you, you fucking asshole. I loved you!

9. If I knew I could care for my family during a terrifying and uncertain time,

10. with just a bucket or two?

11. Well, I'd be running to my pocketbook.

12. Not only do Aimee-Leigh and I want you to be safe,

13. the Lord wants you to be safe. Jesus talked to me last night.

14. Jesus said, "Eli, you better get them folks ready."

15. "Y2K is real. It's coming. And the church is gonna need help."

16. "I agreed to talk with you because you're from Time Magazine."

17. That's a periodical I respect.

18. Your church raised an enormous amount of money by telling people

19. that Y2K would bring the end of days. It didn't, of course.

20. The grace of the Lord prevented humanity from facing that disaster.

21. Indeed. You seemed pretty convinced it was happening.

22. Do you think it's unethical to scare people,

23. and then benefit from that fear mongering?

24. Folks come to me when they trying to make sense of the world.

25. I just help them as best I can.

26. So who was wrong? Jesus or you?

27. Amber, baby, they love you.

28. You had them wrapped around your finger at Parents' Weekend.

29. But this is different, bringing me to your mansion.

30. - Oh, it's all so daunting. - Well, better get undaunted, baby.

31. 'Cause one day this crib will all be mine,

32. and I'm looking to have your fine ass by my side.

33. He cut my damn hair and tried to Samson my ass.

34. - I wasn't just gonna take that. - Tell your teacher or your principal.

35. You stay out of it. You don't act like a lunatic.

36. - That's right. - Tell me about it.

37. I bring my say and my baby all the way here to get to know my family,

38. and we're instantly dealing with all this, he said, she said bullshit.

39. - Suck my dick, Jesse. - You suck mine. Judy.

40. I want a meal, boy. Not no snack.

41. That was good. She's saying that you have a tiny little tt.

42. Fuck off, Kelvin. At least I got a tt. Not a tiny doll pecker like you.

43. - Not even any hairs or nothing. - Enough!

44. We have a guest.

45. This is not the impression we wanna give you, Amber.

46. My apologies. It's a blessing to have you with us.

47. - Where you from, sweetheart? - Kentucky. Just a small little town.

48. Is that human hair, Country? You wearing a horse hair wig?

49. It's real hair. Not a wig.

50. Judy, why don't you slide this chicken fried steak with gravy

51. right up your ass?

52. I wasn't trying to be mean. She's from the country.

53. So I called her "Country".

54. All the best girls are country girls. Ain't that right, darlin'?

55. Don't you know it.

56. If it isn't the girl from the Wendy's sign.

57. Y'all got running water where you're from?

58. - Of course we do. - Well I don't know your life.

59. Look at you, just regular ass shopping mall clothes.

60. - Your pants are nice. - Well take a good look.

61. Because you couldn't afford this

62. if you sucked every dick in the hills and hollers of Kentucky.

63. - What is your problem? - I just know what you're up to.

64. Impoverished girl with big dreams. Chasing all the riches and gold.

65. That is not what's happening here. Jesse means a lot to me.

66. I call bull. You don't love Jesse, he's a fucking clown.

67. When you look at his dumb face, instead of seeing eyes and shit,

68. you see your ticket out of the sticks.

69. You are very rude!

70. And you have no idea what you're talking about.

71. Where you going, Wendy's? I thought we were doing girl talks.

72. - It's our faith. - Yeah!

73. Our faith. That protects us.

74. Be not afraid,

75. for I am Daniel in the lion's den!

76. Amen!

77. - We'll see you next week. - Good to see you.

78. - Thanks so much for coming. - Sure. Hey.

79. That's lovely. What a sweetheart. Thank you.

80. You guys were on doughnuts next week.

81. J1013 AM, Christian Talk. Mixing it up with the biggest names in Faith.

82. Now back to Skip Arness Show.

83. You hear the latest on the Gemstones?

84. Their church made a mint off the Y2K scare. Millions.

85. Attendance is down for the first time in their history

86. and people are protesting outside their church.

87. - They deserve every criticism. - Did Uncle Eli do something wrong?

88. Your uncle was raised better, but he's always been greedy for money.

89. - Y'all know that. - Yes, ma'am.

90. I wanna be rich like Uncle Eli when I grow up.

91. Don't you ever say that again. That is not something to aspire to.

92. You aspire to be good and wise like your Daddy, right, Peter?

93. - He is just a kid talking, May-May. - Dummy.

94. I was just kidding, Momma. I love being poor.

95. I still don't like that you all got him buried out here.

96. It's a long drive for us.

97. Whenever I wanna spend time with Dad I gotta get through your guards.

98. There weren't no more room left where Momma's resting.

99. I thought about bringing her here to put with him.

100. That's sweet. Then you can just have 'em all, can't you, Eli?

101. We can have security flag y'all right on through anytime you wanna come by.

102. - Our home is your home. - We appreciate that.

103. We don't usually have no problem getting in.

104. I made some sandwiches for the boys. Might as well eat them before we go.

105. You all are welcome to stay as long as you want to.

106. Nobody shit their pants. But check out my newest toy.

107. My Lord.

108. Holy moly.

109. Coke White.

110. - This is yours? - Basically mine.

111. I mean, technically it belongs to the church.

112. But all I gotta do is use it in a sermon and then I can drive it whenever I want.

113. - Can I drive it? - Hell no.

114. But I'd be happy to let you watch me smash some shit.

115. Oh, my God!

116. Hey, you know, I saw y'all on the news.

117. They were saying you conned everyone with the Y2K nonsense.

118. I don't know what kind of idiot would buy into that.

119. When the world ends it will be because the Lord has decided it's time,

120. not because computer malfunctions. I never bought it for a minute.

121. I'm just relieved it didn't happen. That's all I keep thinking about,

122. just counting our lucky stars.

123. Would have been a real nightmare. Lord changed his mind I suppose.

124. Or people just made it up to make money off it.

125. That's what the news is saying you did.

126. It's times like these I sure am glad my last name is Montgomery.

127. The way people would look at me if my last name was still Gemstone?

128. No thank you. You know, I need refill.

129. Peter, run out to the car and get me that two-liter bottle of Fresca.

130. We got plenty of cold pop inside in the refrigerator, May-May.

131. - Sprite, I think. - I don't want a Sprite. I like Fresca.

132. - Peter... - Sprite or...

133. Car.

134. - Run. - Yup.

135. Say Say my Baby.

136. I got the Sega Saturn. Have you played it?

137. - Momma don't let us play video games. - She says the devil's in 'em.

138. Inside video games?

139. Just like movies, music, dancing, cartoons, and Halloween.

140. We ain't allowed to do nothin', except maybe go huntin',

141. make some traps, catch food. Not like you. Y'all get to do everything fun.

142. Yeah, your parents suck. They're strict as hell.

143. I couldn't survive under your roof. I need my TRL.

144. I can relate, Judy. My Grandma's real strict.

145. Never let any boys call the house or nothing.

146. You had so many boys calling the house. 'Cause of your gorgeous red hair?

147. Raggedy Ann, surprised they even have phones in the village you come from.

148. She don't come from no damn village, Judy.

149. Stop making fun of people for being from poverty.

150. Chuck and Karl are dirt poor, it's rude.

151. Jesse, I'm so sick of you showing out for your girlfriend.

152. You all don't make a good couple. Behind your back,

153. we're all laughing at what a bad couple you actually are. Hardy Har Æ dummy.

154. Why don't you go fuck yourself, Judy?

155. - What? - It's a sin to swear, Jesse.

156. No shit, Karl. Watch me load up some more.

157. Judy, you wish you had a fucking boyfriend.

158. Don't be jealous 'cause somebody likes me besides my own parents.

159. Unlike you. No one likes your ass.

160. Hey Peter, come on in.

161. I'm in a bit of a pinch, Eli.

162. - Is that so? - Yeah.

163. I got a damn warehouse full of Y2K buckets and nobody wants 'em.

164. Yes. The only downside to society not collapsing.

165. I'm in over my head, Eli.

166. I told you not to buy more than you can afford.

167. You also told me that the world was gonna end.

168. It ain't my fault things changed. I got no control over that.

169. Liquidate'em. Repackage them as camping supplies or something.

170. Hell, if I could count the amount of bad business investments

171. I've made in my life we'd be here all day.

172. It's the nature of the beast. You win some, you lose some.

173. Yeah. I lost a lot.

174. Twenty-five grand, that's a lot of money for my family.

175. That's everything we had in savings.

176. Damn, Peter. Why would you invest all your savings?

177. 'Cause I trusted you. I wanted to do what you were doing.

178. May-May is gonna kill me.

179. She's gonna kill me because we're broke, 'cause I didn't tell her.

180. She's gonna kill you because you did it with me.

181. I've never asked you for money. I don't know what else to do.

182. - I could lose the house. - How about I buy your stock back?

183. I don't know what to say.

184. I just got so greedy.

185. You thought you were helping your family.

186. I thought we were coming to the End of Times.

187. Did you really believe that too, Eli?

188. You think I'm just out there lying to people?

189. Take us in through the service entrance, Walker.

190. We can drive right in through the loadi bay.

191. You got it, Dr. Gemstone.

192. That's the coolest thing ever!

193. And that is what you call a moist maker.

194. My monster truck is the fuckin' tits.

195. - Jesse, have you seen my ring? - Your ring?

196. My grandma gave it to me? I wear it all the time.

197. I must've misplaced it.

198. When things go missing in this house it's usually one person responsible.

199. - Who? - Judy.

200. - You think Judy stole Amber's ring? - I don't know.

201. She's been stealing a bunch of stuff lately.

202. I went to the mall with her a few weeks ago. I hate going to places with Judy.

203. Especially the shopping mall.

204. She steals music.

205. She shoplifts fancy fashions.

206. Tiny trinkets.

207. And some other stuff that I don't even know what it is.

208. She threatened to cut my privates off if I told Mom and Daddy.

209. Judy will do it. I know she will.

210. That bitch could steal from all the malls in America.

211. But steal from my woman? My queen My Say Say my Baby?

212. She's gone one step too fuckin' far.

213. We live in a world where material things,

214. wealth, status, it means something.

215. Amen.

216. That stuff don't mean nothing to the Lord.

217. So why does it mean so much to us?

218. I think I know why. Because of the people we love. That's why.

219. It can be hard seeing others thriving and living a life of wealth, comfort,

220. while you watch your own family not able to live in the same way.

221. Not given the same opportunities. Or maybe we don't need those things.

222. It can be hard not to feel like you're letting down the ones

223. that mean the most to you when you got nothing.

224. You know what I'm saying?

225. You changed up the sermon today. I thought you were gonna be preaching

226. about outreach, instead you were talking about wealth.

227. - Well, the message seemed important. - You've been acting funny lately, Peter.

228. The boys have noticed it. Haven't you boys?

229. - Yeah, maybe a little. - Just a bit quieter than usual.

230. Don't talk with your mouth full.

231. Peter, are you crying?

232. I made a mistake.

233. - I made a bad investment. - Investment?

234. You tricked him. You've been pullin' this stuff since we was kids.

235. - No, he didn't trick me none, May-May. - You're a fool, Peter.

236. Eli did this on purpose. To punish me? What did I ever did to you, Eli?

237. You need to calm down, May-May.

238. I'm trying to help you all.

239. I'm the one that's gonna get stuck with all the overstock.

240. Over, overstock? You think you're damn Sears, Roebuck?

241. Talking my husband into investing what little we have into nonsense.

242. Complete nonsense! That was the boys' college money.

243. He's gonna buy it back. We're not gonna lose anything, May-May.

244. - Eli's gonna help. - No.

245. We are not taking a penny from you and your damn wife.

246. That money is evil. It rotted your family, I will not have it rotting mine.

247. We have to. If we don't, I can lose the house.

248. I'm sorry.

249. Let us help, May-May. We're family.

250. Don't you dare make me think you're doing us any favors.

251. Standing there your pretty dresses, singing your little songs,

252. pretending you don't know what's going on.

253. But I see right through you. You enable his behavior.

254. You promote it! You and your whole damn family! You got the devil in you.

255. You're about to see him if you don't get the hell out of my house.

256. Talk to my wife like that.

257. I look at your ugly face and I think to myself,

258. "I may be poor, but at least I got principles."

259. Shove your principles up your ass!

260. You'd let your kids go hungry to prove a point, you dumb bag!

261. - Thanks, Peter. - Yep.

262. It's the way May-May's always been.

263. Always trying to make me out like I'm bad,

264. even since we was kids. Now I gotta bail her husband out,

265. and I'm still somehow gonna be the bad guy.

266. I just feel so ashamed, Eli. I don't like being seen as dishonest.

267. And I feel like what we did was dishonest. Not just you. Me too.

268. Dishonest is a strong word.

269. I never believed it was really gonna happen.

270. - Did you? - No.

271. I guess I romanticized the idea at first, not civilization ending

272. but going back to a simple way of life. Worshipping God the old-fashioned way.

273. Raising kids without the trappings of all this wealth.

274. Sometimes I think that's the best idea for our family.

275. Growing up poor ain't all it's cracked up to be.

276. I think no matter what you do,

277. you're gonna end up with kids who don't listen to a word you say.

278. It ain't that way with May-May and Peter's kids.

279. - You don't hear them mouthing off. - You don't see 'em smilin' either.

280. They're scared. They afraid to speak.

281. You think I got heavy hands?

282. I guarantee, May-May smacks the shit out of 'em.

283. That's how Daddy raised us.

284. Well, our kids ain't scared to speak, that's for sure.

285. No, they're not.

286. It's because I only smacked them half the time I felt the urge to.

287. Eli, I know they're spoiled. But did we ruin them?

288. I would say ruined. There's still hope.

289. - Even for Judy? - Even for Judy.

290. She's just got some minor undiagnosed mental problems.

291. Nothing a rubber room won't fix.

292. For her or us?

293. - She's a mess. - She is a mess.

294. All right. Get up.

295. I know we've knocked each other around, but I never hit you back.

296. If you don't cough up Amber's ring, we're gonna fight for real.

297. Understand my words?

298. I know you're not sleeping, Judy. Stop playing.

299. I ain't playing like I'm sleeping, Jesse. You're saying that.

300. - I'm just fucking laying here. - Face me!

301. I'm trying to have a hardcore come to Jesus talk with you right now

302. and you're being very rude with your body positioning to me.

303. Why are you crying? Are Momma and Daddy putting you up for adoption?

304. Can you just leave me alone?

305. Did you steal Amber's ring?

306. She left it. Finders Keepers.

307. Her grandma, who is a dead person now, gave it to her.

308. So you're not finders keeping it.

309. - It's trash anyway. Not worth nothin'. - How do you know that?

310. I took it to the pawn shop and Mars-Eye Larry said it ain't shit.

311. - Jesus, Judy. What is wrong with you? - I don't know, Jesse. Wish I did.

312. I've just been getting so bored here. You're gone.

313. I'm stuck with baby dick Kelvin all the time

314. and I just get real excited sometimes.

315. I wanna do things my own way,

316. and when it feels like my own way ain't workin' or startin' to look bad,

317. something goes off in me, it just feels warm.

318. My ears get hot, I figure, fuck it! They want it, let's give 'em some.

319. Word. My motor runs hot, too. It's that Gemstone temper we both got.

320. We get that from Daddy. Kelvin is more like Momma that way.

321. Handles things more like a girl does. Just sensitively and stuff.

322. But you're more like me.

323. You handle things like most men just, you know, fucking mash everything.

324. I think it's actually kind of cool.

325. You don't think that makes it so people don't like me?

326. Weaks and wieners don't like you, Judy. But who needs them?

327. The dreamboat who cut my hair, Trent, I liked him a lot.

328. And he didn't like me back. Made me feel so embarrassed.

329. Made me feel dumb for even trying. Like, who is gonna like me?

330. Someone will, all right? God will make sure.

331. Just like he did for Momma and Daddy, and me and Amber.

332. No, Jesse. You and Amber are not the same thing as Momma and Daddy.

333. - We're one true loves, bitch. - Quit making me hurl, boy.

334. Why the hell are they still out there? Can't we have them removed?

335. Legally, we can. But, it wouldn't look good.

336. They are members of the church, after all.

337. - What do I do? - I suggest you talk to them.

338. Whoever it is, come on out.

339. "I won't marry you if you're cheating!"

340. What's up, Country?

341. Jesse said you were looking for a ring or something?

342. Yes. It went missing. Judy, my Grandma raised me...

343. I don't really care. Is this it? Found it in the toilet.

344. - Yes. It is. - How do I know for sure?

345. You could be saying it's yours cause it looks like it's worth a bunch of money.

346. There's a tiny cross engraved on the underneath.

347. Well, what do you know?

348. I actually do like your hair.

349. I wasn't making fun when I was asking if it was real.

350. Well, thank you, Judy.

351. Sweet. Don't get a big head about it, though.

352. GEMSTONE SURVIVAL BUCKET

353. You crook! You ripped people off!

354. How much money did you make swingling people, Dr. Gemstone?

355. I never swindled nobody. If you all wanna have a discussion,

356. I'm all ears, you're gonna cast aspersions, I'll just go back inside.

357. Through God's grace, we are not living

358. in the dystopian world that Y2K threatened us with.

359. Prayers and the Lord our Savior have kept us safe once again.

360. My predictions were wrong. I was wrong.

361. The Lord sees all. And we will answer to all of our sins.

362. That's just the way it goes.

363. - You Trent? - Yeah. Who are you, Dark Man?

364. It's hard to admit you were wrong, but I'll do it because the Lord knows.

365. So what's the point in hiding?

366. You think I'm more afraid of you than I am of Him?

367. The world didn't end. If this church raised money

368. when people thought the world was going to end.

369. It's because they wanted God.

370. I'm standing here giving Him to you.

371. That's bullshit.

372. How are we supposed to believe you?

373. We will not lose sight of our mission.

374. And our mission is to serve you in a way that is befitting of the Lord.

375. Put down your signs and come back and worship with us.

376. We a not your enemy. We love you.

377. And we want to help you see the light in our savior.

378. That is our purpose.

379. Making sure we take as many souls with us to those pearly gates

380. as we possibly can. Amen.

381. Amen.

382. Put the gun down!

383. Hold it! Hold it there!

384. Stay there!

385. Subtitling FAST TITLES MEDIA