1. There will come a payday.
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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2. There will come a payday;
someday, someday.
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3. There will come a payday,
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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4. There will come a payday someday.
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5. When I lay my work back,
I have a home in the sky
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6. or there will come a payday someday.
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7. Where no interest comes due
or notes to renew,
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8. oh there will come a payday someday.
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9. Here I work every day
for such bigger pay
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10. but there will come a payday someday.
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11. And the title's not clear
to the home I own here
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12. but there will come a payday someday.
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13. There will come a payday.
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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14. There will come a payday someday.
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15. There will come a payday.
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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16. There will come a payday someday.
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17. I wonder for Lord,
gives a home as reward
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18. or there will come a payday someday.
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19. His word clearly shows,
he'll never foreclose,
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20. he promised the payday that day.
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21. When the door opens wide
with its beauty inside,
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22. oh, what a grand payday that day.
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23. Where the hand shaken then,
brother come right on in.
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24. Hallelujah, what a payday that day.
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25. There will come a payday.
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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26. There will come a payday someday.
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27. There will come a payday.
Hallelujah, what a payday.
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28. There will come a payday someday.
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29. Yes! Baby Billy loves you now!
Baby Billy loves you so much.
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30. It's so good to be with al y'all here
at Zion's Landing.
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31. Now, come see me now, 7:00
at the Mangrove Pavilion, every night.
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32. You're gonna love...
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33. Every night.
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34. - Daddy's home.
- It must be hot out there.
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35. You bet your ass, it was hot.
It's hotter than hell if I'm being honest.
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36. If we weren't staying in this fancy
hotel, I don't think I could do it.
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37. Yeah, the commute ain't bad.
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38. If the rest of us weren't then
singing by the fucking pool.
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39. It's a nice pool.
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40. You're doing so well for somebody who
used to be a famous singer long ago.
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41. What you talking about used to be
famous? I'm still famous!
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42. Of course.
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43. Why do you wanna play mind games?
Get all in my head?
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44. Baby. You're being silly.
I'm very proud of you.
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45. And so is Lionel. Aren't, you buddy?
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46. Everybody this famous knows
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47. true famous people go through different
phases on the being famous train.
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48. I'm an international known talent.
I deserve a main stage
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49. and not singing for a bunch
of basic Christian sun bums.
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50. That's what I need right there.
My own game show.
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51. Just standing in air conditioning all day,
looking cool. Being charming.
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52. Boy, I bet they knock out
20 of 'em episodes a day, print money.
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53. I bet you a game show host
makes a bunch of money.
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54. Yeah. Let me tell you.
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55. The pretty girl that hands out prizes,
she makes a lot of money now.
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56. - I can hand out prizes on TV?
- You're the prettiest girl I know.
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57. And when Lionel learns how to speak,
he could be our announcer.
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58. Any job for our Baby Aimee-Leigh
Junior when she gets born?
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59. If she's got talent, you bet your ass.
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60. - We just witnessed a mission from God.
- Is that what that was?
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61. It's time for Baby Billy
to be back on the motherfucking TV.
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62. Feds were everywhere. Jumping out
from trees, behind bushes, screaming.
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63. - So much screaming and hollering.
- Motherfuckers got Ruby Ridged.
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64. We made it to the safe house
but then Pa said, y'all called the feds
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65. and he accused us of helping you.
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66. Chew your food!
God gave you teeth for a reason.
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67. Yes, ma'am.
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68. You sure you didn't tip off the law,
Eli? I could see you doing that.
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69. I already told you, no. I never
want nothing to do with this.
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70. He thinks you did
that and that's all that matters.
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71. So now we're on the shit list too.
Thanks, Mama.
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72. How can you hate me more than him?
Blame me for everything?
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73. Because everything is your fault.
Bringing the Gemstones into this.
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74. - Now, look where we are.
- In a mansion, in fucking bathrobes?
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75. Chuck. Stop your fuzzing and
your talking back. Just come home.
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76. We ain't going nowhere with you.
Get that through your head.
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77. We'd rather be homeles bums
living under a bridge.
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78. - We would?
- Yes, Carl. We would.
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79. Why?
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80. May-may! Where the heck
you think you're going, dummy?
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81. You heard 'em.
Just like you, they hate me.
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82. Or maybe they grew up smarter
than they seem.
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83. Is this how you're gonna handle
your boys? Just walk away?
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84. If I don't leave they're going to.
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85. At least here, there's guarded gates
between them and their father.
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86. You're not stitching your boys with me.
No, I'm not harboring fugitives.
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87. I'll give them some walking around
money and send them on their way.
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88. No. They'll get themselves killed.
You keep 'em here, you keep 'em safe.
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89. You're their uncle!
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90. Do you want me to say please?
Fine, Eli.
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91. Please, please keep
that wicked man away from my sons.
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92. She Kung Fu'd my larynx, Daddy.
My voice is God's gift, dude.
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93. May-May could've ruined
that forever just now.
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94. What were you thinking, Daddy?
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95. You won't even help your own kids
but you'll take in these bozos?
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96. Two fugitives roaming around the
compound like free-range chickens.
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97. They're not livestock, Jesse.
They're our family, first cousins.
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98. They're fucking Montgomerys. Savages.
I have zero sympathy for that family.
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99. Same.
You know what we should do, Daddy?
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100. We should be all return to sender, ship
'e right back to crazy Aunt May-May.
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101. - Let her deal with it. Bye-bye!
- She can't. That's why they're here.
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102. Make them feel comfortable. They are
family. Spend some time with them.
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103. Gross. We don't wanna spend time
with them creeps.
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104. You think I want them here?
I'm not asking. I'm telling.
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105. Shit. One of them is looking.
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106. I just saw one of them look and then
duck down or the mansion stall. Watch.
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107. - See? There they are.
- Fucking Montgomerys. We see you!
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108. - Let them watch.
- Yeah, fuck y'all.
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109. - Sit and spin, bitches.
- Go home. Nobody likes you here.
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110. - That's what we think about cousins.
- Yeah, we don't like them.
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111. - BJ. Is Judy here?
- No, she's out. What did you need?
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112. I had something for her. Here.
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113. If she wants me to explain
how to use it, I can.
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114. Or there also a video included
that can explain it as well.
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115. - Is this a board game? We love games.
- It is the opposite of a silly game.
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116. It's The System, my
at-home relationship counseling kit.
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117. - Counseling? Did Judy ask for this?
- No.
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118. I was just dropping it by in case
she wanted to take a look at it.
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119. She didn't ask me for it because she
doesn't need it. No one needs it.
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120. There's people that need it but there's
no specific reason why I brought it.
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121. I'll make sure she gets it.
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122. The System?
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123. - That's where they keep the cars.
- I think so.
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124. Where the fuck do those honkeys
think they're going?
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125. These motherfuckers.
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126. No way.
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127. It's the Redeemer!
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128. - I can't believe they still got it.
- She's beautiful.
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129. - She's so pretty.
- I wanna be all up in there.
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130. - Get in there, big brother.
- Help me.
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131. - Yeah? What's it like?
- It's amazing! It's fucking awesome!
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132. - Oh, my God!
- It's like you were born to drive it.
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133. - What should we smash?
- Everything!
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134. That's private property. Get your
greasy Montgomery paws off my truck!
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135. Sorry, Jesse.
We just can't believe you still got it.
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136. We remember you smashing and
crashing stuff like it was yesterday.
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137. I bet she still purrs like a kitten.
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138. Don't you talk about that thing being
a kitten. That's my monster truck!
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139. That's a five-ton wrecking machine.
Get out before you break something.
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140. - Take it easy, Jesse.
- Take it easy. Take it easy...
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141. - You got it, Chuck?
- Take it easy, huh?
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142. Truck brings back some fond memories.
You ever take her out anymore?
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143. I'd love that. Oh, please, Jesse.
I never got a chance to drive it.
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144. And you never will numbnuts.
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145. Just because my daddy said
it's cool for y'all to stay here
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146. doesn't mean we're gonna be
cool cousins all now all of a sudden.
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147. We ain't cool cousins.
And we never will be again.
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148. - You smell that?
- Yeah.
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149. You boys need to shower off. I smelled
balls the second I rolled up in here.
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150. Stink worse
than my middle school locker.
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151. That's my boy right there.
Go on and wash.
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152. - The little one's mean.
- You're damn right he's mean.
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153. - He's my son. I make them mean.
- You mean as a Gemstones? Damn.
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154. I don't know what it was like in the
barn or where the fuck you were born in
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155. but in this house, on this compound,
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156. we respect people's private properties,
you greasy little animals.
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157. Porn equals Satan. I like that one.
These protest signs are tops.
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158. These are gonna take twice.
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159. - Yo!
- Hey bud.
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160. Check it out, bro. I wiped out almost
the entire inventory of bullets buzzers
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161. and basically everything else
at the Adult Emporium off the highway.
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162. And I know you said that
it wouldn't shut them down but...
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163. Due to supply chain issues, they
won't be able to restock for a while.
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164. Smart! Yes. Dang. I am missing
out on all the fun lately.
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165. My cousins are in town.
Dad is making me hang out with them.
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166. - I gotta go to a stupid cousins night.
- Cousins night. Very interesting.
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167. No, it's not. They are total weirdoes.
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168. A complete lack of knowing
how to fit in the world around them.
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169. God, they sound awkward.
Shall I make my sausage dip?
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170. Those inbreds aren't worthy
of your sausage dip.
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171. But you should make it.
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172. I'll put it in a special container
that'll keep it warm
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173. and you can carry it with you
to the family event.
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174. Why don't you carry it with? Keefe,
you have to come to cousins night.
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175. - Come on, come cousins night.
- I ain't a cousin though.
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176. I know you're not a cousin. You're
my best dude... friend of a cousin.
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177. Never done a cousins night before.
Maybe I'll bring flames and swords.
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178. Yeah, totes. You should.
But let's keep our expects in checks.
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179. My cousins are diarrhea people.
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180. There is nothing that we take
more seriously than our marriage.
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181. That's why I created the System.
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182. A program that you can use at home
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183. to help your marriage
better honor Jesus Christ.
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184. When I want to say something
or do something
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185. that would reflect poorly
in the eyes our Lord,
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186. I take one of these gemstones and
I'll plop it into this vase container.
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187. Now, I know that Jesse is trying.
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188. He almost said something hurtful but
he let the gemstone do the talking.
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189. - I love my wife.
- It's so simple. It works.
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190. Creating The System
was a work of passion for me.
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191. What the fuck are you watching in here?
Horror movies?
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192. No. The System.
Amber dropped it off.
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193. I guess it's something
she and Jesse made and sell.
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194. - Good luck.
- Couple's therapy or some sort.
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195. Couple's therapy? No.
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196. That bitch.
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197. At first, I was like, "Wait, Amber,
do you know something I don't?
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198. Why do you think
we need The System?"
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199. Exactly. This was like
very fucking dumb of her.
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200. - Bitch is trying to fuck with me.
- Well, how so?
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201. By pulling junior high mean girl shit.
Don't touch anything else in there.
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202. - This is poison. It's going back.
- I don't think we should be rude.
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203. Our marriage is solid! Okay?
There's nothing to work on here.
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204. So, fuck The System, okay?
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205. And fuck Amber too!
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206. Now, every episode starts out the same.
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207. Old Baby Billy,
he comes out and like this.
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208. I make me some jokes,
current events, hot styles,
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209. nothing edgy, we'll keep it light
so we don't limit our audience.
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210. And then, I introduce two families.
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211. I'll banter with them, I do chit-chat,
maybe I'll kiss them on the cheek
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212. and then one by one, they compete,
doing trivias from the Bible.
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213. - The Bible?
- Sorry, baby. Hey boy, yeah.
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214. This right here.
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215. Uncle Baby Billy, isn't this just
exactly the pitch for Family Feud?
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216. - Did you run this past daddy?
- Why I got to run this by Eli?
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217. Everybody knows y'all running shit.
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218. Unless, you ain't got purchase power
and you can't pull the trigger?
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219. No, we got purchase power.
We can pull the triggers, homie.
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220. Then I suggest, you pull the trigger
on this here, hit TV series.
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221. - Go on and take it off the market.
- It's exactly Family Feud.
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222. There ain't no Family Feud.
This is Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
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223. - Bible Bonkers?
- Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
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224. - Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
- Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
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225. Yeah, roll that around your mouth,
it's fun, ain't it?
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226. I know how I'm gonna vote on this.
If we could end this meeting early.
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227. Plus, I got some stuff
that I gotta hash out with Jesse.
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228. What the hell
you gotta hash out with me?
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229. You tattling on me
to your damn fembot.
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230. You're mad 'cause I told Amber you're
having an affair with Stephen?
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231. - Affair?
- Who the fuck is Stephen?
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232. Now you done told two more people.
Jesse, fuck me, man.
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233. He told three. Lionel's here too now,
he heard it.
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234. Can we please just concentrate
on my pitch? Come on, now.
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235. - My executive vote is no.
- I don't like it.
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236. That's one thing I can agree
with you on. You fucking tattletale.
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237. - You'll really say no to this concept?
- Hmm, not today, don't we?
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238. - No, dawg, this ain't it.
- Not on our network.
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239. Y'all can't even see solid gold when
I'm shitting it right in front of you.
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240. Y'all just piss me off. No wonder
your fucking numbers are down.
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241. You think
you can ship me off to paradise,
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242. make me sing by a pool
all motherfucking day, getting a suntan,
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243. drinking pina coladas for free,
living in a penthouse, huh?
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244. No! I'm an international known talent.
I deserve more than that.
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245. You haven't seen the last of me.
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246. You're our uncle, I'm assuming
we're gonna hear from you again.
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247. You're damn right you will.
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248. - Let's go. Come on, Tiff.
- Okay.
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249. I'm just gonna leave this here
for you all to... study.
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250. - You can take that. We don't want it.
- Take all that shit.
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251. - You left your kid here.
- I'm sorry, baby.
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252. - Bye, y'all! That was fun.
- Love you, Aunt Tiffy.
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253. - Love you, baby. Bye.
- Bye.
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254. Your people shall be my people.
And your God, my God.
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255. And where you die, I will die.
And there will I be buried.
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256. And may The Lord do so to me,
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257. and more also if anything death
parts me from you.
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258. This week, let's think of Ruth.
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259. Think of the commitment that we
have made to the people that we love.
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260. - Until next time. Praise He.
- Praise He.
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261. Thank you. Hey guys, thank you.
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262. Sorry to interrupt
your zombie bitches prayer group,
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263. but I brought something
for your nosy ass.
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264. - Oh, my word.
- Yeah. "My word." Are you dumb?
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265. Bringing a dang marriage counseling
thing in my fucking house?
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266. I don't know what you think Jesse told
you, but my conscience is clean, chick.
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267. This church needs a win, Judy.
The decline is real.
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268. We need people to show up.
We need people to believe in us.
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269. We do not need a scandal.
End the affair.
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270. - Dummy, I did end it.
- You did?
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271. Yes. I told him to fuck off.
I love BJ, okay?
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272. I gave him some money,
hopefully that'll make it kosher.
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273. - Well, good. And that's that.
- That is that.
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274. You don't ever need to worry
about it again. Fuck off, Amber.
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275. - Fine.
- Fine.
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276. - Coming to cousins night?
- Duh. Daddy's making me.
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277. - You boys got any plans tonight?
- Yeah.
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278. The cousins invited us out
for a cousins night.
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279. A cousins night? Imagine that.
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280. I'm surprised they wanna hang,
the way they've been acting.
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281. - They don't seem to can for us at all.
- They invited you to cousins night.
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282. Maybe they're trying.
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283. We appreciate you letting us stay here.
I don't know where we'd go otherwise.
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284. You could go live with your momma.
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285. I know she ain't perfect,
but she does love you boys.
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286. I don't think there's room in
that utility closet where she sleeps.
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287. - Utility closet?
- Momma sleeps at the church.
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288. - Is that hygienic?
- There's dead birds probably in there.
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289. Guys! Oh, nasty! Don't drink
that water, man! That pond is filthy!
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290. Dummies. That's a trout pond.
Nothing but stink slicks and dead trout
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291. - The water's great!
- It's nice and crisp. Come on in!
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292. I feel like I'm up in the zoo now,
watching the gorillas get washed.
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293. About to start throwing
their poo at each other.
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294. Oh, holy smokes. What's Carl
got cooking under his trunks?
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295. He's got tons of hairs.
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296. Looks like he got
a chinchilla stuffed up in there.
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297. That's your family out there.
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298. Why don't you stop making fun
of them and go converse with them?
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299. I don't know what to say
to them weirdoes.
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300. - Why don't you go converse with them?
- Yeah, go hug 'em while they're wet.
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301. Looks like everybody's getting loose.
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302. How come you're not gonna tell us
about cousins night?
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303. Because you all aren't invited.
What the fuck are you doing here?
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304. Lionel's your cousin, dummy.
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305. How you not gonna invite
your first cousin to cousins night?
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306. Cousins night is about adult
cousins, dawg. Ain't no babies.
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307. Lionel's your cousin. And you will
damn well treat him like one.
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308. I will not have Baby Lionel miss out
on proper cousinship 'cause he's young.
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309. - Now, we're gonna cousins night now.
- Baby Lionel's eating dirt.
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310. Somebody not gonna have
any room left for barbecue.
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311. Wish you had any help for that?
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312. I don't rely on others.
I do things for myself.
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313. - Where do you live, May-May?
- Well, the Lord takes care of me.
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314. Do you live here?
I can't have you live like this.
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315. Oh what, are you afraid
of what the world will say
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316. if they found out Eli Gemstone
lets sister live in squalor?
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317. You never lifted a finger to help me.
I ain't asking for it now.
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318. Come stay.
You should be with your boys.
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319. Take a lot more than just time
to heal those wounds.
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320. - I'm surprised you care about that.
- I'm surprised I do, too.
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321. - Remember what we practiced?
- Most of the parts.
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322. Then let's go bonkers!
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323. So, Judy tells me your lives might
be in danger. That's horrifying.
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324. BJ. Don't be acting
like I'm spilling beans.
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325. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed
to know y'all are wanted dead.
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326. Judy and I share everything
with each other.
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327. Welcome to cousins night!
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328. Now, tonight, you're gonna get
a special treat for cousins night.
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329. Tonight, we are gonna do a live test
run of Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers!
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330. - No, we ain't. What the fuck is this?
- We ain't doing this bonkers bullshit!
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331. Come on, now! Go with it.
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332. You don't think this is a good idea for
a show, you about to see right here.
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333. Because tonight's show you in.
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334. Now, let's welcome the Gemstone family
versus the Montgomerys.
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335. - Is this gonna be for the TV?
- If it's good, it will be, yes. Here.
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336. - Here we go. Come here. You are?
- Carl.
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337. - Carl Montgomery. What do you do?
- Lawn care.
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338. - Who? What?
- Landscaping.
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339. You mow grass? Good.
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340. - Who are you? And what do you do?
- Chuck. I just work with my brother.
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341. Now we're coming to the Gemstone side
of the table.
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342. Okay, little weirdo boy
with the puffy muscles, who are you?
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343. - Kelvin. We're not doing this, dude.
- Your shit sucks, Baby Billy.
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344. Don't use that kind of language, Judy.
This is a family show, now.
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345. - You ain't family. So what do you do?
- I run the muhfucking church, stud.
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346. Running the church and running around!
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347. Who are you?
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348. When we're done with these
introductions, can we just kill it?
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349. This isn't really an appropriate time
to be doing the damn holy-moly shit.
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350. This ain't no holy-moly show. This is
Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers!
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351. The two first-born from each family,
y'all come up here in the middle.
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352. Get in here right now.
Jesse, let's go. You can count.
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353. - Baby, just go. Shut him up.
- Get him, big brother.
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354. - Let's go. Be a good sport.
- Let's go right up here. Come on.
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355. If we get the answers wrong, it doesn't
matter. This isn't fucking real.
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356. - Beat his fucking ass, Jesse.
- Let's go, Jesse! You got this!
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357. Hit it, dear.
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358. Great job, Tiff.
First question.
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359. - How do we buzz in?
- These buzzers aren't even real.
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360. - This is stupid. What are we doing?
- Don't be saying what we're doing.
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361. Just buzz in with your fuckin' mouth.
Sorry there will be no cussin'.
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362. The first question now, who got Joseph
thrown into prison by lying about him?
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363. - Potiphar's wife!
- Potiphar's wife is correct! Damn.
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364. We gotta do a tiebreaker.
Second question.
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365. Who else was in prison with Joseph?
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366. The pharaoh's cupbearer and his butler!
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367. Wrong!
Montgomery's chance to steal.
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368. - That was an easy one, Jesse!
- Damn it.
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369. - Pharaoh's cupbearer and chief baker!
- Correct! Montgomerys have the lead!
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370. - No, they don't have the lead.
- Don't cheat, Jesse.
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371. - I know that must be tough for you.
- I'm not!
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372. The Montgomerys don't have the lead!
I'm not playing this game anymore!
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373. I don't like Bible Bonkers Billys! I'm
not doing this! Game over. Shut it down
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374. Still the same old spoil sore sport
you were when we were kids.
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375. Can you do me a favor, Chuck?
Why don't you go fuck yourself.
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376. Then go find a family that cares about
you! You fucking Montgomery.
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377. I'd rather be a Montgomery
than a Gemstone.
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378. I thought it was just your Mommv and
Daddy that didn't care about others,
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379. but the nuts don't fall
too far from the tree.
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380. You better watch
what you say about our momma.
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381. Take a seat, Judy Gemstone.
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382. The menfolk are talking and those
kind of chime-ins are not appropriate.
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383. - Judy? Keep your earrings on, girl.
- Why is she taking the earrings off?
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384. - Because we gonna fight, boy.
- Please, Judy, no. Don't fight.
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385. No, there ain't gonna be no fight.
There's just gonna be a 187.
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386. I'll cut you from fucking stem
to sternum, you bitch.
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387. - Come on, I'll kill you.
- Stick him, Jesse.
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388. - I got a knife, too.
- Oh, my Lord.
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389. Y'all play too much now.
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390. Jesse Gemstone,
you put that knife away.
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391. I'll put my knife away
when he puts his knife away.
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392. I ain't puttin' my knife away
unless he puts his knife away.
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393. Well then, I guess
we're keepin' the fuckin' knives out!
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394. You're just gonna circle each other or
is someone gonna do the stabbing?
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395. - Bitch, you dirty bitch!
- Oh, my God! Guys, he's choking!
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396. No, not him. Him!
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397. - Carl?
- Spit it out. Come on, Carl.
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398. - Come on! Spit it out, Carl!
- Hit him harder!
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399. - Carl, come on!
- Heimlich his ass!
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400. - Lick his what?
- Hurry up, he can't breathe!
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401. - Guys, he don't look so good.
- Put your arms around him!
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402. - He's too big!
- Jesse better go with the triangle!
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403. Come on! He's gonna die!
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404. We gotta do it at the same time!
On three! Three, two, one!
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405. Carl?
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406. Are you okay?
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407. I was so scared. I couldn't breathe.
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408. That's why we're always saying
chew your food.
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409. - I'm sorry, Chucky.
- It's okay, buddy.
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410. - I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
- You're okay now.
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411. Cousins!
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412. It was nice hanging out
with y'all tonight, cousins.
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413. And no one thinks less of you
because you choked, big Carl.
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414. - Thanks, cuz.
- Just walking back to our daddies?
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415. - We ain't got nowhere else to go.
- Well, let me give you a ride.
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416. Okay. Cool.
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417. I think it's a great idea
even if nobody else does.
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418. I appreciate your support, baby.
But they're gonna buy Bible Bonkers.
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419. They will come a payday.
Lionel's asleep in the back.
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420. You think maybe I could get some ass?
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421. There's a road right up here.
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422. Can we get some waffles
after we get some ass?
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423. You bet we can.
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424. I smelled the meat that came out
of your cousin.
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425. It wasn't the sausage dip
that choked him, it, it was poultry.
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426. Gross, Keefe.
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427. I didn't think it was your sausage dip.
That sauce is too good.
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428. And your fire dance? Was lit.
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429. Easily the best part of 'tis eve.
You never disappoint.
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430. Good eye tonight, Beej. Helped save
cousin Carl's life, you dang hero.
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431. Not a hero. I'm an optometrist.
We "see" everything.
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432. - Okay. Come here.
- A hug from my beautiful wife.
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433. From my beautiful wife.
I'm gonna be having sex tonight.
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434. Oh, this is so good.
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435. - You get that spot, Eli.
- Yes, ma'am.
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436. End episode 3, season 3
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