1. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
2. There will come a payday
Someday, somedayCopy !req
3. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
4. There will come a payday somedayCopy !req
5. When I lay my work by
I have a home in the skyCopy !req
6. For there will come a payday somedayCopy !req
7. Where no interest comes due
Or notes to renewCopy !req
8. Oh, there will come a payday somedayCopy !req
9. Here I work every day
For such bigger payCopy !req
10. But there will come a payday somedayCopy !req
11. And the title's not clear
To the home I own hereCopy !req
12. But there will come a payday somedayCopy !req
13. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
14. There will come a payday
Someday, somedayCopy !req
15. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
16. There will come a payday somedayCopy !req
17. I wonder for Lord,
Gives a home as rewardCopy !req
18. Oh, there will come a payday somedayCopy !req
19. His word cleanly shows,
He'll never forecloseCopy !req
20. He promised the payday that dayCopy !req
21. When the door opens wide
With its beauty insideCopy !req
22. Oh, what a grand payday that dayCopy !req
23. Where the hand's shaken then,
Brother come right on inCopy !req
24. Hallelujah, what a payday that dayCopy !req
25. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
26. There will come a payday
Someday, somedayCopy !req
27. There will come a payday
Hallelujah, what a paydayCopy !req
28. There will come a payday somedayCopy !req
29. Yes! Baby Billy loves you now!Copy !req
30. Baby Billy loves you so much.Copy !req
31. It's so good to be with
all y'all here at Zion's Landing.Copy !req
32. Now, come see me nowCopy !req
33. seven o'clock
at the Mangrove Pavilion.Copy !req
34. Every night. You're gonna love...Copy !req
35. Every night.Copy !req
36. Daddy's home.Copy !req
37. It must be hot out there.Copy !req
38. You bet your ass, it's hot.Copy !req
39. It's hotter than hell
if I'm being honest.Copy !req
40. If we weren't staying
in this fancy hotelCopy !req
41. I don't think I could do it.Copy !req
42. Yeah, the commute ain't bad.Copy !req
43. If the rest of us weren't then...Copy !req
44. singing by a fucking pool.Copy !req
45. It's a nice pool.
You're doing so wellCopy !req
46. for somebody who used to be
a famous singer long ago.Copy !req
47. What you talking about
used to be famous?Copy !req
48. I'm still famous!Copy !req
49. - 'Course.
- Why d'you wanna play mind games?Copy !req
50. Get all in my head?Copy !req
51. Baby, you're being silly.Copy !req
52. I'm very proud of you.Copy !req
53. And so is Lionel. Aren't, you buddy?Copy !req
54. Everybody this famous knowsCopy !req
55. that true famous people
go through different phasesCopy !req
56. on the being-famous train.Copy !req
57. I'm an international known talent.Copy !req
58. I deserve a main stageCopy !req
59. and not singing for a bunch
of basic Christian sun bums.Copy !req
60. That's what I need right there.Copy !req
61. My own game show.Copy !req
62. Just standing
in air conditioning all dayCopy !req
63. looking cool.Copy !req
64. Being charming.Copy !req
65. Boy, I bet they knock out 20 of 'em
episodes a day, print money.Copy !req
66. I bet you a game show host
makes a bunch of money.Copy !req
67. Yeah.Copy !req
68. The pretty girl that hands out prizesCopy !req
69. she makes a lot of money too now.Copy !req
70. I can hand out prizes on TV?Copy !req
71. Well, yeah, and you're
the prettiest girl I know.Copy !req
72. And when Lionel learns how to speakCopy !req
73. he could be our announcer.Copy !req
74. Any job for our Baby Aimee-Leigh
Junior when she gets born?Copy !req
75. If she's got talent,
you bet your ass.Copy !req
76. I think we just witnessed
a mission from God.Copy !req
77. Is that what that was?Copy !req
78. It's time for Baby Billy to be
back on the motherfucking TV.Copy !req
79. Yay!Copy !req
80. Them feds were everywhere.Copy !req
81. Jumping out from trees, behind bushesCopy !req
82. screaming and hollering.Copy !req
83. So much screaming and hollering.Copy !req
84. Motherfuckers got Ruby Ridged.Copy !req
85. We made it to the safe house.Copy !req
86. But then Pa said,
y'all called the fedsCopy !req
87. and he accused us of helping you.Copy !req
88. Chew your food!
God gave you teeth for a reason.Copy !req
89. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
90. You sure you didn't
tip off the law, Eli?Copy !req
91. I could see you doing that.Copy !req
92. I already told you, no.Copy !req
93. I never want nothing to do with this.Copy !req
94. Well, he thinks you did,
and that's all that matters, so...Copy !req
95. Now we're on the shit list, too.Copy !req
96. Thanks, Mama.Copy !req
97. How can you hate me more than him?Copy !req
98. Blame me for everything?
Everything's my fault!Copy !req
99. 'Cause everything is your fault!Copy !req
100. Bringing the Gemstones into this.Copy !req
101. Now, look where we are.Copy !req
102. In a mansion
wearing fucking bathrobes?Copy !req
103. Oh, shit.Copy !req
104. Chuck, stop your fuzzing
and your talking back.Copy !req
105. - Just come home.
- We ain't going nowhere with you.Copy !req
106. Get that through your head.Copy !req
107. We'd rather be homeless bums
living under a bridge.Copy !req
108. We would?Copy !req
109. Yes, Carl. We would.Copy !req
110. Why?Copy !req
111. May-may!Copy !req
112. Where the heck you think
you're going, dummy?Copy !req
113. You heard 'em.Copy !req
114. Just like you, they hate me.Copy !req
115. Or maybe they grew up
smarter than they seem.Copy !req
116. Is this how you're
gonna handle your boys?Copy !req
117. Just walk away?Copy !req
118. If I don't leave, they're going to.Copy !req
119. But at least here,
there's guarded gatesCopy !req
120. between them and their father.Copy !req
121. No, no, you're not stitching
your boys with me.Copy !req
122. No, I'm not harboring fugitives.Copy !req
123. Now, I'll give them
some walking around moneyCopy !req
124. - and send them on their way.
- No, you won't.Copy !req
125. They'll get themselves killed.Copy !req
126. You keep 'em here, you keep 'em safe.Copy !req
127. You're their uncle!Copy !req
128. D'you want me to say please?Copy !req
129. Fine, Eli. Please.Copy !req
130. Please keep that wicked man
away from my sons.Copy !req
131. She kung fu'd my larynx, Daddy.Copy !req
132. My voice is God's gift, dude.Copy !req
133. May-May could've ruined that
forever just now.Copy !req
134. Yeah, what were you thinking, Daddy?Copy !req
135. You won't even help your own kids,
but you'll take in these bozos?Copy !req
136. Two fucking fugitives
just roaming around the compoundCopy !req
137. like damn free-range chickens.Copy !req
138. They're not livestock, Jesse.Copy !req
139. They're our family, first cousins.Copy !req
140. They're fucking Montgomeries
is what they are.Copy !req
141. Fucking savages. I have zero
sympathy for that family. Zero.Copy !req
142. Same. You know
what we should do, Daddy?Copy !req
143. We should be all return to senderCopy !req
144. ship 'em right back
to crazy Aunt May-May, okay?Copy !req
145. Let her deal with it. Buh-bye!Copy !req
146. She can't deal.
That's why they're here.Copy !req
147. Make your cousins feel comfortable.Copy !req
148. They're family.
Spend some time with them.Copy !req
149. Gross.Copy !req
150. We don't wanna spend time
with them creeps.Copy !req
151. You think I want them here?Copy !req
152. I'm not asking. I'm telling.Copy !req
153. Shit. One of them is looking.Copy !req
154. Okay. I just saw one of them lookCopy !req
155. and then duck down
on the mansion stall.Copy !req
156. Just watch.Copy !req
157. See? There they are.Copy !req
158. Fucking Montgomeries. We see you!Copy !req
159. - Let them watch.
- Yeah, fuck y'all.Copy !req
160. Sit and spin, bitches.Copy !req
161. Go home. Nobody likes you here.Copy !req
162. That's what we think
about our cousins, Daddy.Copy !req
163. Yeah, we don't like them!Copy !req
164. BJ. Is Judy here?Copy !req
165. No, she's out.Copy !req
166. - What did you need?
- I had something for her.Copy !req
167. Here.Copy !req
168. If she wants me to explain
how to use it, I can.Copy !req
169. Or there also a video included
that can explain it as well.Copy !req
170. Is this a board game? We love games.Copy !req
171. No, it is the opposite
of a silly game.Copy !req
172. It's The System, my at-home
relationship counseling kit.Copy !req
173. Counseling?Copy !req
174. Did Judy ask for this?Copy !req
175. No. I was just...Copy !req
176. I was just dropping it by, in case
she wanted to take a look at it.Copy !req
177. 'Cause she didn't ask for it
'cause she doesn't need it.Copy !req
178. No one needs it.Copy !req
179. There's people that need itCopy !req
180. but there's no specific reason
why I'm bringing it by today.Copy !req
181. Well, I'll make sure she gets it.Copy !req
182. The System?Copy !req
183. That's where they keep
the cars, right?Copy !req
184. I think so.Copy !req
185. Where the fuck do those honkeys
think they're going?Copy !req
186. These motherfuckers.Copy !req
187. No way.Copy !req
188. It's the Redeemer!Copy !req
189. I can't believe they still got it!Copy !req
190. - Oh, man.
- She's beautiful.Copy !req
191. She's so pretty.Copy !req
192. Oh, I wanna get all up in there.Copy !req
193. Get in there, big brother.
Get in there.Copy !req
194. - Help me.
- Yeah...Copy !req
195. Yeah?Copy !req
196. What's it like? What's it like?Copy !req
197. It's amazing! It's fucking awesome!Copy !req
198. - Oh, my god!
- You were born to drive that thing.Copy !req
199. - What should we smash?
- Everything!Copy !req
200. No, goddamn it!
That's private property right there.Copy !req
201. Get your greasy grimy
Montgomery paws off my truck!Copy !req
202. Well, sorry, Jesse. I mean...Copy !req
203. we just can't believe
you still got it.Copy !req
204. We remember you
smashing and crashing stuffCopy !req
205. just like it was yesterday.Copy !req
206. I bet she still purrs like a kitten.Copy !req
207. Don't you talk about that thing
being a kitten!Copy !req
208. That's my monster truck!Copy !req
209. That's a five-ton
wrecking machine, son.Copy !req
210. Get out before you break something.Copy !req
211. Take it easy, Jesse.Copy !req
212. Take it easy. Take it easy.Copy !req
213. - You got it, Chuck?
- Take it easy, huh?Copy !req
214. Truck just brings back
some fond memories.Copy !req
215. You ever take her out anymore?Copy !req
216. I'd love that!Copy !req
217. Oh, please, Jesse. I never
got a chance to drive it.Copy !req
218. And you never will, numbnuts.Copy !req
219. Just 'cause my daddy said
it's cool for y'all to stay hereCopy !req
220. doesn't mean we're gonna be
cool cousins all now all of a sudden.Copy !req
221. We ain't cool cousins.Copy !req
222. And we never will be again.Copy !req
223. - You smell that?
- Yeah.Copy !req
224. You boys need to go
shower off or wash.Copy !req
225. I smelled your balls the second
I rolled up in this motherfucker.Copy !req
226. Stink worse than
my middle-school locker.Copy !req
227. That's my boy right there.Copy !req
228. Go on and wash.Copy !req
229. The little one's mean.Copy !req
230. Yeah, your damn right he's mean.
He's my son.Copy !req
231. I make them mean.Copy !req
232. Mean as Gemstones? Damn.Copy !req
233. I don't know what it was like
in the little barn or mangerCopy !req
234. or where the fuck you were born inCopy !req
235. but in this house, on this compoundCopy !req
236. we respect people's
private propertiesCopy !req
237. you greasy little animals.Copy !req
238. Porn equals Satan. I like that one.Copy !req
239. These protest signs are tops.Copy !req
240. These are gonna take twice, honestly.Copy !req
241. - Yo!
- Hey, bud.Copy !req
242. Check it out, bro.Copy !req
243. I wiped out almost the entire
inventory of bullets and butt buzzersCopy !req
244. and basically everything elseCopy !req
245. at the Adult Emporium
off the highway.Copy !req
246. And I know you said that
it wouldn't shut them down, but...Copy !req
247. - Yeah.
- Due to supply chain issuesCopy !req
248. they won't be able
to restock for a while.Copy !req
249. Smart! Yes.Copy !req
250. Dang. I am missing out
on all the fun lately.Copy !req
251. My cousins are in town.Copy !req
252. Dad is making me hang out with them.Copy !req
253. Now, I gotta go to some
stupid cousins night.Copy !req
254. Cousins night. Very interesting.Copy !req
255. No, it's not. They are total weirdos.Copy !req
256. A complete lack ofCopy !req
257. knowing how to fit
in the world around them.Copy !req
258. God, they sound awkward.Copy !req
259. Shall I make my sausage dip?Copy !req
260. Those inbreds aren't worthy
of your sausage dip.Copy !req
261. But yeah, no. You should make it.Copy !req
262. I'll put it in a special container
that'll keep it warmCopy !req
263. and you can carry it with you
to the family event.Copy !req
264. Why don't you carry it with?Copy !req
265. Keefe, you have to come
to cousins night.Copy !req
266. Come on, come cousins night.Copy !req
267. I... I ain't a cousin, though.Copy !req
268. I know you're not a cousin.
You're my...Copy !req
269. best dude friend of a cousin.Copy !req
270. Wow. Never done
a cousins night before.Copy !req
271. Maybe I'll bring
some flames and the swords.Copy !req
272. Yeah, totes. You should.Copy !req
273. But let's keep our expects in checks.Copy !req
274. My cousins are kinda diarrhea people.Copy !req
275. There is nothing that we take
more seriously than our marriage.Copy !req
276. That's why I created The System.Copy !req
277. A program that you can use at homeCopy !req
278. to help your marriage
better honor Jesus Christ.Copy !req
279. Now, when I want to
say something or do somethingCopy !req
280. that would reflect poorly
in the eyes our LordCopy !req
281. I take one of these gemstones.Copy !req
282. And I'll plop it
into this vase container.Copy !req
283. Now, I know that Jesse is trying.Copy !req
284. He almost said something hurtfulCopy !req
285. but instead, he let the gemstone
do the talking.Copy !req
286. I love my wife.Copy !req
287. It's so simple. It works.Copy !req
288. Creating The System
was a work of passion for me.Copy !req
289. What the fuck are you watching
in here? Horror movies?Copy !req
290. No. The System.
Amber dropped it off.Copy !req
291. I guess it's something
she and Jesse made and sell.Copy !req
292. Good luck.Copy !req
293. Couple's therapy or some sort.Copy !req
294. - Works...
- And trust me...Copy !req
295. - Couple's therapy?
- I have spent a lot of time...Copy !req
296. No.Copy !req
297. More time than I would've liked to.Copy !req
298. That bitch.Copy !req
299. Yeah, at first, I was likeCopy !req
300. "Wait, Amber, do you know
something I don't?Copy !req
301. Why do you think we need The System?"Copy !req
302. Exactly. This was like
very fucking dumb of her.Copy !req
303. - Bitch is trying to fuck with me.
- Well, how so?Copy !req
304. By pulling, like,
junior-high mean-girl shit, BJ.Copy !req
305. Don't touch anything else
in there, okay?Copy !req
306. All this stuff's poison.
It's going back.Copy !req
307. Well, I don't think
we should be rude.Copy !req
308. BJ!Copy !req
309. Our marriage is solid!Copy !req
310. Okay? There's...
There's nothing to work on here.Copy !req
311. So, fuck The System, okay?Copy !req
312. And fuck Amber, too!Copy !req
313. Now, every episode
starts out the same.Copy !req
314. Old Baby Billy,
he comes out and like this.Copy !req
315. I make me some jokes,
current events, hot stylesCopy !req
316. nothing edgy,
we're gonna keep it lightCopy !req
317. so we don't limit our audience.Copy !req
318. And then, I introduce two families.Copy !req
319. I'll banter with them,
I do some chit-chatCopy !req
320. maybe I'll kiss them on the cheekCopy !req
321. and then one by one,
they compete, doing triviasCopy !req
322. from the Bible. The Bible?Copy !req
323. Sorry, buddy.Copy !req
324. Hey, boy, yeah.Copy !req
325. This right here.Copy !req
326. Uncle Baby Billy, isn't this just
exactly the pitch for Family Feud?Copy !req
327. Yeah, did you run this past Daddy?Copy !req
328. Why I got to run this by Eli?Copy !req
329. Everybody knows y'all running shit.Copy !req
330. Unless, you ain't got purchase power,
and you can't pull the trigger?Copy !req
331. No, no, we got purchase power.
We can pull the triggers, homie.Copy !req
332. Then I suggest, you pull the trigger
on this here, hit TV series.Copy !req
333. Go on and take it off the market.Copy !req
334. It's exactly Family Feud.Copy !req
335. There ain't no Family Feud.Copy !req
336. This is Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.Copy !req
337. Bible Bonkers?Copy !req
338. Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.Copy !req
339. - Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
- Bible Bonkers.Copy !req
340. - Bonkers...
- Bible...Copy !req
341. - Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers.
- Yeah.Copy !req
342. Roll that around your mouth.
It's fun, ain't it?Copy !req
343. You know what? I already know
how I'm gonna vote on this.Copy !req
344. If we just wanna end
this meeting early.Copy !req
345. Plus, I got some stuff
that I gotta hash out with Jesse.Copy !req
346. What the hell
you gotta hash out with me?Copy !req
347. What I gotta hash out with youCopy !req
348. is you tattling on me
to your damn fembot.Copy !req
349. Oh, come on.
You're mad 'cause I told AmberCopy !req
350. that you're having an affair
with a man named Stephen?Copy !req
351. - Affair?
- Stephen? Who the fuck is Stephen?Copy !req
352. Now you done told two more people.
Jesse, fuck me, man.Copy !req
353. He told three.Copy !req
354. And Lionel's here too now.
He heard it.Copy !req
355. Look, can we please
just concentrate on my pitch?Copy !req
356. Come on, now.Copy !req
357. I think my executive vote
is no on Bible Bonkers.Copy !req
358. - I don't like it.
- WellCopy !req
359. that's one thing I can agree
with you on, you fucking tattletale.Copy !req
360. What? You're really gonna say no
to this concept?Copy !req
361. - Not today, don't we?
- Not on our network.Copy !req
362. This is not the kinda stuff
we put on our network.Copy !req
363. Y'all can't even see solid goldCopy !req
364. when I'm shitting it
right in front of you.Copy !req
365. Y'all just piss me off.Copy !req
366. No wonder your fucking numbers
are down.Copy !req
367. You think you can
ship me off to paradiseCopy !req
368. make me sing by a pool
all motherfucking dayCopy !req
369. getting a suntan,
drinking pina coladas for freeCopy !req
370. living in a penthouse, huh?Copy !req
371. No! I'm a international known talent.Copy !req
372. I deserve more than that.Copy !req
373. You haven't seen the last of me.Copy !req
374. I mean, you're our uncleCopy !req
375. I'm assuming we're gonna
hear from you again.Copy !req
376. You damn right you will.Copy !req
377. Let's go. Come on, Tiff.Copy !req
378. Okay. I'm just gonna
leave this here for you all to...Copy !req
379. - study.
- You can take all this.Copy !req
380. - Take all that shit.
- We don't want it.Copy !req
381. You left your kid here.Copy !req
382. Oh, shit. I'm sorry, baby.Copy !req
383. Bye, y'all! That was fun.Copy !req
384. - Love you, Aunt Tiffy.
- Love you, baby. Bye.Copy !req
385. Bye.Copy !req
386. "Your people shall be my people.Copy !req
387. And your God, my God.Copy !req
388. And where you die, I will die.Copy !req
389. And there will I be buried.Copy !req
390. And may The Lord do so to me
and more also if anything but deathCopy !req
391. parts me from you."Copy !req
392. This week, let's think of Ruth.Copy !req
393. Think of the commitmentCopy !req
394. that we have made
to the people that we love.Copy !req
395. Until next time.Copy !req
396. - Praise He.
- Praise He.Copy !req
397. Thank you.Copy !req
398. Hey guys, thank you.Copy !req
399. Sorry to interrupt
your zombie bitches prayer groupCopy !req
400. but I brought something
for your nosy ass.Copy !req
401. Oh, my word.Copy !req
402. Yeah. "My word."Copy !req
403. Are you fucking dumb?Copy !req
404. Bringing a dang
marriage counseling thingCopy !req
405. to my fucking house?Copy !req
406. Look, I don't know what you think
Jesse told youCopy !req
407. but my conscience is clean, chick.Copy !req
408. This church needs a win, Judy.Copy !req
409. The decline is real.
We need people to show up.Copy !req
410. We need people to believe in us.Copy !req
411. We do not need a scandal.Copy !req
412. End the affair.Copy !req
413. - Dummy, I did end it.
- You did?Copy !req
414. Yes. I told him to fuck off.Copy !req
415. I love BJ, okay?
I gave him some moneyCopy !req
416. - hopefully that'll make it kosher.
- Well, good.Copy !req
417. - And that's that?
- That is that.Copy !req
418. So you don't ever need to worry
about it again.Copy !req
419. - Fuck off, Amber.
- Fine.Copy !req
420. Fine.Copy !req
421. - Coming to cousins night?
- Duh. Daddy's making me.Copy !req
422. You boys got any plans tonight?Copy !req
423. Yeah. The cousins invited us out
for a cousins night.Copy !req
424. A cousins night?Copy !req
425. Imagine that.Copy !req
426. I'm surprised they wanna hang,
the way they've been acting.Copy !req
427. They don't seem
to care for us at all.Copy !req
428. Well, they invited you all
to cousins night.Copy !req
429. Maybe they're trying.Copy !req
430. You know, we really appreciate
you letting us stay here, Uncle Eli.Copy !req
431. I don't know where we'd go
if it weren't for here.Copy !req
432. You could go live with your momma.Copy !req
433. I know she ain't perfect,
but she does love you, boys.Copy !req
434. Go live with momma?Copy !req
435. I don't think there's room in that
utility closet where she sleeps.Copy !req
436. Utility closet?Copy !req
437. Momma sleeps at the church.Copy !req
438. Is that hygienic?Copy !req
439. There's, like,
dead birds probably in there.Copy !req
440. Guys! Oh, nasty! Don't...Copy !req
441. Hey! Don't drink that water, man!
That pond is filthy!Copy !req
442. Hey, dummies. That's a trout pond.Copy !req
443. Nothing but stink slicks
and dead trout.Copy !req
444. The water's great!Copy !req
445. It's nice and crisp. Come on in!Copy !req
446. I feel like I'm up
in the zoo right nowCopy !req
447. watching the gorillas get washed.Copy !req
448. About to start throwing
their poo at each other.Copy !req
449. Oh, holy smokes. What's Carl
got cooking under his trunks?Copy !req
450. He's got tons of hairs.Copy !req
451. Looks like he got a chinchilla
stuffed up in there.Copy !req
452. Y'all, look, that's your family
out there. Okay?Copy !req
453. Why don't you stop making fun of them
and go converse with them?Copy !req
454. I don't know what to say
to them weirdos.Copy !req
455. Why don't you
go converse with them?Copy !req
456. Yeah, go hug 'em while they're wet.Copy !req
457. Well, well.Copy !req
458. Looks like
everybody's getting loose.Copy !req
459. How come you're not gonna tell us
about cousins night?Copy !req
460. Well, because you all aren't invited.Copy !req
461. What the fuck are you doing here?Copy !req
462. Lionel's your cousin, dummy.Copy !req
463. How you not gonna invite your
first cousin to cousins night, huh?Copy !req
464. Cousins night is about
adult cousins, dawg.Copy !req
465. - Ain't no babies.
- Hey. Lionel's your cousin.Copy !req
466. And you will damn well
treat him like one.Copy !req
467. I will not have Baby Lionel
miss out on proper cousinshipCopy !req
468. just 'cause he's young.Copy !req
469. Now, we're gonna do
cousins night now.Copy !req
470. Baby Lionel's eating dirt.Copy !req
471. Somebody not gonna have
any room left for barbecue.Copy !req
472. Wish you had any help for that?Copy !req
473. I don't rely on others.Copy !req
474. I do things for myself.Copy !req
475. Where do you live, May-May?Copy !req
476. Well, the Lord takes care of me.Copy !req
477. Do you live here?Copy !req
478. I can't have you live like this.Copy !req
479. Oh, what? Are you afraid
of what the world will sayCopy !req
480. if they found out Eli Gemstone
lets his sister live in squalor?Copy !req
481. You never lifted a finger to help me.
I ain't asking for it now.Copy !req
482. Come stay.Copy !req
483. You should be with your boys.Copy !req
484. Take a lot more than just time
to heal those wounds.Copy !req
485. I'm surprised you care about that.Copy !req
486. I'm surprised I do, too.Copy !req
487. - Remember what we practiced?
- Most of the parts.Copy !req
488. Then let's go bonkers!Copy !req
489. So, Judy tells me
your lives might be in danger.Copy !req
490. - That's horrifying.
- BJ!Copy !req
491. Don't be acting like
I'm spilling beans.Copy !req
492. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed
to know y'all are wanted dead.Copy !req
493. Judy and I share everything
with each other.Copy !req
494. Welcome to cousins night!Copy !req
495. Now, tonightCopy !req
496. you're gonna get
a special treat for cousins nightCopy !req
497. because tonight, we are gonna do
a live test runCopy !req
498. of Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers!Copy !req
499. No, we ain't. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
500. No, Baby Billy. We ain't doing
this bonkers bullshit!Copy !req
501. Come on, now! Go on with it.Copy !req
502. Now, you don't think
this is a good idea for a showCopy !req
503. well, you about to see right here.Copy !req
504. 'Cause tonight's show, you in.Copy !req
505. Now, let's welcome
the Gemstone familyCopy !req
506. versus the Montgomeries.Copy !req
507. Is this gonna be for the TV?Copy !req
508. Well, if it's good, it will be, yes.Copy !req
509. - Here. Let's...
- It's not.Copy !req
510. Here we go. Come here.Copy !req
511. - You are?
- Carl.Copy !req
512. Carl Montgomery.Copy !req
513. And... and what do you...
what do you do?Copy !req
514. - Lawn care.
- Who? What?Copy !req
515. Landscaping.Copy !req
516. - Oh, you mow grass? All right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
517. Good. Yeah.Copy !req
518. Who are you? And what do you do?Copy !req
519. Chuck. I just work with my brother.Copy !req
520. All right.Copy !req
521. Now we're coming
to the Gemstone side of the table.Copy !req
522. Okay, little weirdo boy
with the puffy musclesCopy !req
523. who are you?Copy !req
524. I'm Kelvin.
We're not doing this, dude.Copy !req
525. Your shit sucks, Baby Billy.Copy !req
526. Hey now. Don't use
that kinda language, Judy.Copy !req
527. This is a family show, now.Copy !req
528. You ain't family.
So what do you do?Copy !req
529. I run the muhfucking church, stud.Copy !req
530. Running the church
and running around!Copy !req
531. Who are you?Copy !req
532. Look, when we're done
with these introductionsCopy !req
533. can we just kill it, all right?Copy !req
534. This isn't really an appropriate time
to be doing the damn holy-moly showCopy !req
535. - or whatever this is.
- Hey, this ain't no holy-moly show.Copy !req
536. This is Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers!Copy !req
537. The two first-born from each family,
y'all come up here in the middle.Copy !req
538. Come on. Get in here right now.Copy !req
539. Come on, Jesse, let's go.
You can count.Copy !req
540. Baby, just go. Shut him up.Copy !req
541. - Get him, big brother.
- Let's go. Be a good sport.Copy !req
542. - Come on, baby.
- Let's go.Copy !req
543. All right. Let's go right up here.Copy !req
544. - Come on.
- Look, if we get the answers wrongCopy !req
545. it doesn't matter because this isn't
fucking real to begin with, okay?Copy !req
546. Just get up there and beat
his fucking ass, Jesse.Copy !req
547. Let's go, Jesse! You got this!Copy !req
548. Hit it, dear.Copy !req
549. Great job, Tiff. All right.
First question. Here we go now.Copy !req
550. How do we buzz in?Copy !req
551. Yeah. These buzzers aren't even real.Copy !req
552. I mean, this is stupid.
What the hell are we doing?Copy !req
553. Don't be saying what we're doing.Copy !req
554. Just buzz in with your fuckin' mouth.Copy !req
555. I'm sorry there will be
no cussin' on this program.Copy !req
556. The first question now.Copy !req
557. Who got Joseph thrown into prisonCopy !req
558. by lying about him?Copy !req
559. - Potiphar's wife!
- Potiphar's wife!Copy !req
560. Potiphar's wife is correct!Copy !req
561. Damn. We gotta do a tiebreaker.Copy !req
562. Second question.Copy !req
563. Who else was in prison with Joseph?Copy !req
564. The pharaoh's cupbearer...Copy !req
565. and his butler!Copy !req
566. Wrong!Copy !req
567. Montgomery's chance to steal.Copy !req
568. - That was a easy one, Jesse!
- Damn it.Copy !req
569. Pharaoh's cupbearer and chief baker!Copy !req
570. Correct! Montgomeries have the lead!Copy !req
571. No, they don't have the lead.Copy !req
572. Don't cheat, Jesse.Copy !req
573. I know that must be tough
for you Gemstones.Copy !req
574. I'm not... You know, what?Copy !req
575. The Montgomeries don't have the lead!Copy !req
576. I'm not playing this game anymore!Copy !req
577. I don't like fucking
Bible Bonkers Babies!Copy !req
578. I'm not doing this!Copy !req
579. Game over! Shut it down!Copy !req
580. Still the same old spoil sore sport
you were when we were kids.Copy !req
581. Hey, can you do me a favor, Chuck?Copy !req
582. Why don't you go fuck yourself, okay?Copy !req
583. And then go find a family
that actually cares about you.Copy !req
584. You fucking Montgomery.Copy !req
585. Well, I'd rather be a Montgomery
than a Gemstone.Copy !req
586. I thought it was just
your Mommy and DaddyCopy !req
587. that didn't care about othersCopy !req
588. but the nuts don't fall
too far from the tree.Copy !req
589. Hey, yo. You better watch
what you say about our momma.Copy !req
590. Take a seat, Judy Gemstone.Copy !req
591. The menfolk are talkingCopy !req
592. and those kinda chime-ins
are not appropriate.Copy !req
593. Judy? Keep your earrings on, girl.Copy !req
594. - Why is she taking the earrings off?
- Because we finna fight, boy.Copy !req
595. Please, Judy, no. Don't fight.Copy !req
596. No, there ain't gonna be no fight.Copy !req
597. There's just gonna be a 187.Copy !req
598. I'll cut you from fuckin
stem to sternum, you bitch.Copy !req
599. - Come on, I'll kill you.
- Stick him, Jesse.Copy !req
600. - I got a knife, too.
- Oh, my Lord.Copy !req
601. Y'all play too much now.Copy !req
602. Jesse Gemstone,
you put that knife away.Copy !req
603. I'll put my knife away
when he puts his knife away.Copy !req
604. Well, I ain't puttin' my knife away
unless he puts his knife away.Copy !req
605. Well then, I guess
we're keepin' the fuckin' knives out!Copy !req
606. You're just gonna circle each other
or is someone gonna do the stabbing?Copy !req
607. Bitch, you dirty bitch!Copy !req
608. Oh, my god! Guys, he's choking!Copy !req
609. No, not him. Him!Copy !req
610. Carl?Copy !req
611. Carl, spit it out.Copy !req
612. Come on, Carl. Come on!
Spit it out, Carl!Copy !req
613. Spit it out!Copy !req
614. Hit him harder!Copy !req
615. - Carl, come on!
- Heimlich his ass!Copy !req
616. - Lick his what?
- Hurry up, he can't breathe!Copy !req
617. Guys, he don't look so good.Copy !req
618. - Oh, my god!
- Put your arms around him!Copy !req
619. - He's too big!
- Jesse, better go with the triangle!Copy !req
620. He's gonna die!Copy !req
621. - Come on! He's gonna die!
- Hurry!Copy !req
622. We gotta do it at the same time!Copy !req
623. - Okay!
- On three!Copy !req
624. Three, two, one!Copy !req
625. BJ?Copy !req
626. Carl?Copy !req
627. Are you okay?Copy !req
628. I was so scared. I couldn't breathe.Copy !req
629. That's why we're always saying,
chew your food.Copy !req
630. I'm sorry, Chucky.Copy !req
631. - It's okay, buddy.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
632. - I won't do it again.
- You're okay now.Copy !req
633. - Hey!
- Cousins!Copy !req
634. Hey.Copy !req
635. Hey.Copy !req
636. It was nice hanging out
with y'all tonight, cousins.Copy !req
637. And no one thinks less of you
because you choked, big Carl.Copy !req
638. Thanks, cuz.Copy !req
639. Where are you all goin'?
Just walking back to our daddies?Copy !req
640. We ain't got nowhere else to go.Copy !req
641. Well, let me give you a ride.Copy !req
642. Okay.Copy !req
643. Cool.Copy !req
644. I think it's a great idea
even if nobody else does.Copy !req
645. I appreciate your support, baby.Copy !req
646. But they're gonna buy
Bible Bonkers now.Copy !req
647. There will come a payday.Copy !req
648. Lionel's asleep in the back.Copy !req
649. You think maybe I could get some ass.Copy !req
650. There's a road right up here.Copy !req
651. Can we get some waffles
after we get some ass?Copy !req
652. You bet we can.Copy !req
653. I smelled the meat that came out
of your cousin.Copy !req
654. It wasn't the sausage dip
that choked him, it was poultry.Copy !req
655. Gross, Keefe.Copy !req
656. And no, I didn't think
it was your sausage dip.Copy !req
657. That sauce is too good.Copy !req
658. And your fire dance? Was lit.Copy !req
659. Easily the best part of 'tis eve.Copy !req
660. You never disappoint.Copy !req
661. Good eye tonight, Beej.Copy !req
662. Helped save cousin Carl's life,
you dang hero.Copy !req
663. Not a hero. I'm an optometrist.Copy !req
664. We see everything.Copy !req
665. Okay. Come here.Copy !req
666. Getting a hug from my beautiful wifeCopy !req
667. I'm gonna be having sex tonightCopy !req
668. Oh, this feels so good.Copy !req
669. - You get that spot, Eli.
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req