1. Our story begins
thousands of years ago—Copy !req
2. 1856!Copy !req
3. This is
the true-life dramaCopy !req
4. of the legendary...Copy !req
5. we salute
these brave menCopy !req
6. and their famous motto...Copy !req
7. Ouch!Copy !req
8. Men, this is
a mission of glooorrry!Copy !req
9. I need volunteers.Copy !req
10. We need men,
big of heart...Copy !req
11. big of courage...Copy !req
12. big of spirit!Copy !req
13. Only big men will do!Copy !req
14. For those of you
who volunteer,Copy !req
15. it means
certain death.Copy !req
16. If you're lucky.Copy !req
17. You must
be very proudCopy !req
18. to have an opportunity
like this.Copy !req
19. You'll go down
in history.Copy !req
20. This nation shall be
forged in your blood.Copy !req
21. Not everyone
gets the chanceCopy !req
22. to sacrifice their lives
for such a noble cause.Copy !req
23. You can make this land
a great place for our childrenCopy !req
24. and their children's
children.Copy !req
25. There is a great
wilderness out thereCopy !req
26. that you must tame.Copy !req
27. Why?Copy !req
28. So that future generations
will live in freedom!Copy !req
29. Think of it, man.Copy !req
30. I can see it now.Copy !req
31. Two color T.V.s
in every home.Copy !req
32. A curling rock
in every garage,Copy !req
33. and all because
selfless men like youCopy !req
34. laid down your lives for
the kilted yaksmen!Copy !req
35. Don't do it
for yourself, man.Copy !req
36. Do it for people
you'll never even meet!Copy !req
37. Please!Copy !req
38. Please let us sacrifice
for our country!Copy !req
39. Me and Ren,
our lives are cheap.Copy !req
40. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
41. Oh, please!Copy !req
42. I know we're
not worthy.Copy !req
43. Aah!Copy !req
44. Here!Copy !req
45. Take this five bucks,
just let us serve!Copy !req
46. Well...Copy !req
47. okay.Copy !req
48. Oh, thank you!Copy !req
49. Thank you!Copy !req
50. I'm proud of you boys.Copy !req
51. And while you brave men
seek your place in history,Copy !req
52. the rest of us poor lads
must bear the shameCopy !req
53. of having to
remain here,Copy !req
54. with the women.Copy !req
55. Aah!Copy !req
56. Those poor men.Copy !req
57. Isn't it
a pity, Ren?Copy !req
58. Ooh!Copy !req
59. Hmph!Copy !req
60. And so, faithfully,
the two heroic yaksmenCopy !req
61. began their journey across
the majestic wildernessCopy !req
62. in search of the great,
the lost,Copy !req
63. barren wasteland!Copy !req
64. Onward they pressed through
the harsh Canadian tundra.Copy !req
65. Facing hardship
after hardship.Copy !req
66. Ugh!Copy !req
67. The Kodiak marmoset!Copy !req
68. Yes, Canada's most
fearsome predator.Copy !req
69. The Kodiak marmoset
is the world's largest—Copy !req
70. smallest— primate.Copy !req
71. My god,
he's killing us!Copy !req
72. Help!Copy !req
73. Help!Copy !req
74. Having weathered
the wintry tundra,Copy !req
75. our heroes press on,Copy !req
76. into the stinking hot depths
of the Canadian jungle.Copy !req
77. Aah!Copy !req
78. Ha!Copy !req
79. Ulp!Copy !req
80. Aahhh!Copy !req
81. Aah, aah, aah,
aahhh!Copy !req
82. Aah, aah, aah...Copy !req
83. aahhh!Copy !req
84. Filthy...Copy !req
85. starving...Copy !req
86. exhausted...Copy !req
87. our heroes wearily
continue on their searchCopy !req
88. for the great barren
wasteland.Copy !req
89. Stop!Copy !req
90. I can't take it
any longer!Copy !req
91. We are out of
food and water!Copy !req
92. I feel I shall starve!Copy !req
93. If we keep on going,
we will surely die!Copy !req
94. I tell you
we must turn back!Copy !req
95. Stop it, man!Copy !req
96. You mustn't
say those things.Copy !req
97. Remember the royal anthem
of the kilted yaksmen.Copy !req
98. ow, ow...
ow, ow...Copy !req
99. that's it!Copy !req
100. come on, everybody!Copy !req
101. Yay!
Whoo!Copy !req
102. shut up!Copy !req
103. I can't stand it
anymore!Copy !req
104. All the time
singing, singing!Copy !req
105. Why won't he stop?Copy !req
106. Listen,
do you hear it?Copy !req
107. Ha ha ha ha... !Copy !req
108. Ha ha ha ha... !Copy !req
109. Rrrrr!Copy !req
110. Aaaah!Copy !req
111. Grrrr!Copy !req
112. Aah!Copy !req
113. Aah!Copy !req
114. Grrrr... !Copy !req
115. Grrrr... !Copy !req
116. Grrrr...
grrrr—Copy !req
117. Come to
your senses, man!Copy !req
118. This is no time
for hysterics.Copy !req
119. We've got
to pull together!Copy !req
120. Thanks.Copy !req
121. I needed that.Copy !req
122. I'm all right now.Copy !req
123. Good.Copy !req
124. Now we have to sit down and
think how we can find food.Copy !req
125. All right, think.Copy !req
126. Of course!Copy !req
127. What an ee-diot
I've been!Copy !req
128. The answer's
right in front of us!Copy !req
129. Look around you, men,
this is Canada.Copy !req
130. So?Copy !req
131. And what is Canada's
greatest natural resource?Copy !req
132. Dirt?Copy !req
133. Yes, that's it!Copy !req
134. We'll eat dirt!Copy !req
135. Now all we have to do
is make a divining rod,Copy !req
136. find a dirt vein
in the ground,Copy !req
137. and eureka!Copy !req
138. We'll have
a dirt feast!Copy !req
139. Aah!
Aahaah!Copy !req
140. We'll not sleep
hungry tonight.Copy !req
141. Aah!Copy !req
142. You fool!Copy !req
143. You can't
just eat any dirt!Copy !req
144. This is poison dirt!Copy !req
145. I'll find the dirt
around here.Copy !req
146. Everyone follow me.Copy !req
147. Come on,
let's pick up the pace.Copy !req
148. Psst...Copy !req
149. this searching for dirt
is a bunch of bull.Copy !req
150. I say we stay right here
and catch some "z's.Copy !req
151. Hmph!Copy !req
152. We did it,
we've struck dirt!Copy !req
153. Yay!
Whoo-Hoo!Copy !req
154. Dinner is served!Copy !req
155. Fried dirt cakes
and dirt on the cob.Copy !req
156. Huh, huh?Copy !req
157. Oh, boy,
here we go!Copy !req
158. All right!Copy !req
159. Wait!Copy !req
160. We forgot
to say grace.Copy !req
161. Father...Copy !req
162. we thank you for
this heap of dirtCopy !req
163. thou hast
bestowed upon us.Copy !req
164. Amen.
Amen.Copy !req
165. Let's eat!Copy !req
166. Yep, this is what
Canada's all about.Copy !req
167. A belly
full of dirt,Copy !req
168. a twinkle in your eye,Copy !req
169. and a pine bow
in your kilt.Copy !req
170. And so, with gratitude
in our kidneysCopy !req
171. and a sense of
security in our pockets,Copy !req
172. we must not forget
that we owe it allCopy !req
173. to those two heroic men—Copy !req
174. whose names
I can't remember—Copy !req
175. but nonetheless, did not
give their lives in vainCopy !req
176. for the royal Canadian
kilted yaksmen!Copy !req
177. What's the matter, kids,
feeling tired?Copy !req
178. Mm-hmm.
Mm-Hmm.Copy !req
179. Listless?Copy !req
180. Mm-hmm.
Mm-Hmm.Copy !req
181. Got no energy?Copy !req
182. Well, how would you like
to have as much energyCopy !req
183. as America's
number one superhero,Copy !req
184. powdered... toast... man!Copy !req
185. Super powdered
energy!Copy !req
186. Vital vitamin energy!Copy !req
187. Leave everything to me!Copy !req
188. Day after day,
after day...Copy !req
189. feel that surge of power
rush through your kitchen.Copy !req
190. How does powdered toastman
do it?Copy !req
191. Where does
he get the energy?Copy !req
192. Why, from powdered toast,
of course!Copy !req
193. The only toast
that comes in a can.Copy !req
194. And now you can get
your energyCopy !req
195. the powdered toast way...Copy !req
196. joy!
Joy!Copy !req
197. When you sit down
to a nutritious breakfastCopy !req
198. of powdered toast.Copy !req
199. Mmm... mmm...Copy !req
200. yum... yum...Copy !req
201. wow!Copy !req
202. It tastes
just like sawdust!Copy !req
203. That's right!Copy !req
204. And with just
one helping,Copy !req
205. you'll feel
the instant energy surgeCopy !req
206. as it drives its way
into your vital areas,Copy !req
207. giving you
the proportionate strengthCopy !req
208. of America's favorite
granulated hero!Copy !req
209. And don't forget,Copy !req
210. powdered toast
is jam-packed with...Copy !req
211. vitamin "f" !Copy !req
212. Hey, kids!Copy !req
213. Don't you know that
children can't fly?Copy !req
214. Aaah!
Aaah!Copy !req
215. Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
216. Aah, aah... aah, aah...Copy !req
217. aaaaah!
Aaaaah!Copy !req
218. Ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
219. it may have
vitamin "f"Copy !req
220. but powdered toast sure doesn't
make kids any smarter.Copy !req
221. Yay!Copy !req
222. Powdered toastman!Copy !req
223. Are we clinging tenaciously
to my buttocks?Copy !req
224. How can powdered toast
give you so much energy?Copy !req
225. Because it comes
in a can, stupid.Copy !req
226. Mmm, honey, did you
just cut the grass?Copy !req
227. Why, no, dear.Copy !req
228. Just sitting down
to a hearty breakfastCopy !req
229. of sugar sod pops.Copy !req
230. Yeah, mom.Copy !req
231. It's the breakfast treat that
tastes like a fresh-mowed lawn.Copy !req
232. Well!Copy !req
233. Here, honey...
try some.Copy !req
234. Why, it's got that...Copy !req
235. Just-raked freshness!Copy !req
236. Yes, kids!Copy !req
237. And,
in specially marked boxesCopy !req
238. you get a free
praying mantis!Copy !req
239. Only in sugar sod pops!Copy !req
240. Captioning made possible by
comedy centralCopy !req
241. Captioned by
Soundwriters™Copy !req