The Ren & Stimpy Show 2x10

Directed by Chris Reccardi • John Kricfalusi

George Liquor, American, has worked tirelessly to groom Ren and Stimpy for the All County Dog Show, but before they can compete, they'll need to get past the toughest judge of all - Mr. Horse!

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, joy!

2. Look at all this fan mail!

3. Mm-hmm!

4. Where to start, where to start.

5. Yes!

6. Look, Ren, one for me!

7. And here's one... for you, too.

8. Wow!

9. Another one for me!

10. Another one for you.

11. Me, me, me.

12. For you, you, you!

13. Me, me, me!

14. You, you, you!

15. Me, me!

16. You, you!

17. Me! You!

18. You! Me!

19. Me! You!

20. And the last one's for...

21. me!

22. Oh, boy!

23. I sure love reading fan mail, Ren.

24. Don't you?

25. Oh, yeah, it's great.

26. Great for you!

27. Yeah, sure, everybody loves you.

28. People always love the stupid one!

29. But nobody ever loves the jerk.

30. Everybody hates me.

31. Now, Ren, nobody hates you.

32. Oh, come on, let's face the truth.

33. You've been carrying me, I know!

34. I know that!

35. It's you they love.

36. But I need love, too!

37. I just want to be loved

38. and important, like you.

39. Is that so wrong?

40. Oh, my.

41. I know how you can be important, Ren.

42. Yeah, sure.

43. I know how you can be really important.

44. Really important?

45. How?

46. You can be the president...

47. of my fan club.

48. The president?

49. Wow!

50. President!

51. What do you mean, you don't agree with me?

52. Do you know who you're dealing with?

53. I'll do it!

54. Well, Mr. President,

55. ready for your first day in office?

56. Oh, yeah!

57. Okay, then, all you do

58. is answer the fan mail in that pile

59. and then you put it right in here—

60. hey, you're talking to the president, man.

61. Yes, sir!

62. Carry on, then.

63. "Dear Stimpy, my name is Sammy.

64. I am eight years old, and in the third grade."

65. Oh, that's cute.

66. "I like you on Tv.

67. "You are my favorite Tv puppet.

68. "I know all the words to your show.

69. "I want to be just like you when I grow up.

70. From Sam."

71. Hmm.

72. Dear Sam, thank you for the letter.

73. I am sure that if you watch my show enough,

74. you will turn out just like me.

75. Yeah, brain dead.

76. Your pal, Stimpy.

77. "Dear Stimpy, I love you.

78. "You are funny.

79. "You are the funniest in the whole world.

80. "And you are the nicest, too.

81. "You are nice to everybody,

82. "even that ugly thing who yells at you.

83. "What is he, anyway?

84. A mosquito?"

85. What?

86. "Your biggest fan, Cindy."

87. Oh, you're asking for it!

88. Dear Cindy, there's no such thing as me.

89. I am just a cartoon, you idiot.

90. I bet you even believe in the tooth beaver.

91. Love, Stimpy.

92. Hey, this job's easy.

93. "Dear Stimpy,

94. "I have A... secret.

95. "I know I can tell you because you are nice

96. "and would not tell anybody.

97. "I'm afraid to tell my friends,

98. "because they'll laugh.

99. Aw.

100. "I know you would never laugh at me.

101. Mm-mm!

102. "So, here's my secret.

103. Every night, I wet the bed."

104. "I can't help it!

105. "Please tell me what to do.

106. Your friend, johnny."

107. Dear johnny,

108. you make me sick!

109. You probably wet the bed on purpose.

110. I have written letters to everybody at your school,

111. warning them never to sleep over with you.

112. Your friend—

113. Ren!

114. For shame.

115. Wetting the bed is nothing to be ashamed of.

116. Lots of kids do it.

117. Hmm.

118. You and I still do it.

119. Shh!

120. You're right, Stimpy.

121. Little johnny needed help, and I laughed at him.

122. I don't deserve to live.

123. Here, pal.

124. Go ahead, cut me!

125. Come on, man!

126. Do us all a favor!

127. Hmm?

128. Hmm.

129. Hmm...

130. hmm...

131. no, Ren.

132. There'll be no letting of blood today.

133. I think you've learned your lesson.

134. You're right, Stimpy.

135. I promise to be more kind and compassionate,

136. in my duties as president.

137. Good for you, Ren.

138. "Dear Stimpy,

139. "I have a boyfriend, but he is always mean to me.

140. "My only friends are you and my Tv,

141. "and I know you would never be mean to me.

142. "You are the kindest,

143. "most lovingest guy in the whole world!

144. "Why can't boys be more like you?

145. "I love you.

146. Deborah."

147. Hmm.

148. "Dear Deborah,

149. "your problem is clear to me.

150. "The reason your boyfriend is mean to you,

151. "is probably because you're too stupid.

152. "But don't worry,

153. "maybe someday you'll be as stupid as I am,

154. "and then everyone will love you

155. "as much as they do me.

156. Your stupid friend, Stimpy."

157. How's it going, Ren?

158. Buddy, you'd be proud of your president.

159. Dear Stimpy, you are the funniest...

160. Dear Stimpy...

161. Dear Stimpy...

162. I love you...

163. the most lovingest guy...

164. what is he, anyway?

165. Dear Stimpy...

166. a mosquito?

167. At last I have control of your Tv set!

168. Is your mother there?

169. No?

170. Good!

171. Welcome to our secret headquarters.

172. Deep inside the lower intestine of a sperm whale!

173. Oh, god!

174. God!

175. I can't stand it!

176. Make the pain stop!

177. Well, Stimpy, it's time to induct

178. another member into the fan club.

179. Does the subject qualify?

180. Well, here's her vital statistics.

181. Her name is Susan fout, she's 15, human,

182. from Pennsylvania, and—

183. shut up, you fool!

184. Did she bring the money?

185. A cool million in small change.

186. She qualifies.

187. And now, Susan fout, as proof of your loyalty,

188. kindly recite the oath of servitude.

189. I Susan fout, human,

190. promise to watch the Ren and Stimpy show

191. over and over again

192. until my eyeballs implode,

193. even if it goes into 10 years of reruns!

194. And?

195. I promise to memorize whole episodes

196. and recite the lines shamelessly

197. in unwelcome situations.

198. And, and?

199. Oh, yeah!

200. I promise to wear unwashed lederhosen

201. Every single day of the rest of my life!

202. That's it!

203. You're in our secret club!

204. Step this way,

205. to the honored seat for new club members.

206. Remember, reveal what you've seen here

207. and we'll tear your tonsils out.

208. Okay, kids.

209. It's back to our secret cartoon.

210. I...

211. I was nice today.

212. Nice to all those insipid little monkeys.

213. Answering their stupid letters.

214. My hands...

215. dirty.

216. The dirt won't come off!

217. President.

218. What a joke.

219. President.

220. President of what?

221. His fan club.

222. How they love him!

223. Look at him.

224. Lying there, asleep.

225. The idol of millions.

226. He's a fool!

227. A blind, silly little fool!

228. How easily I could end the farce

229. with these hands,

230. these dirty hands!

231. And with these hands,

232. I hold the fate of millions.

233. They think he's a god.

234. But he's as mortal as we.

235. I know!

236. Just one quick twist!

237. And it's over.

238. Just one.

239. Just...

240. It's happening again!

241. My brain!

242. My hot, stinging brain!

243. Stupid fan mail.

244. I'll fix him.

245. I'll take care of this letter business

246. once and for all.

247. Mailman.

248. Got some mail here.

249. Ah, hello, Mr. Cat.

250. You're looking healthy this morning.

251. Shut up!

252. Duh, I don't want any more of your filthy letters.

253. Your services are not welcome here,

254. and, duh, tell those pesky kids to stop writing me.

255. Stimpson J. Cat!

256. Duh!

257. Ah, whatever you say.

258. Actually, I only have one letter today.

259. And it's for Mr. Hoek.

260. I guess I'll just throw this one out.

261. Give me that!

262. A letter for me! A letter for me!

263. Nothing for Stimpy!

264. No, no, no!

265. Mr. Ren Hoek!

266. That's what it says!

267. Good morning, Ren.

268. You.

269. You and your fan mail,

270. Mr. Fan club.

271. Everybody loves you, don't they?

272. Well, guess what the mailman brought you today?

273. Nothing!

274. This letter's for me!

275. See?

276. You they have forgotten!

277. Now it's me they love!

278. It is I that am most loved!

279. I, who shall rule!

280. Oh, yes, this is the proof!

281. This is the proof that you are finished!

282. Listen, here's what it says.

283. "Dear Ren,"

284. that's me! That's me!

285. "You are my favorite Tv star.

286. "Nobody, nobody is as funny or as smart as you."

287. You see?

288. Are you getting this?

289. I am the best!

290. I am king!

291. Listen to this, you may learn something.

292. "I wish I could be just like you."

293. How about that?

294. A fan with some ambition!

295. "You are my favorite person in the whole wide world."

296. Ha!

297. "Love—"

298. he says love.

299. "Your pal...

300. Stimpy."

301. Oh, Stimpy, I'm so ashamed.

302. I meant every word.

303. There, there, Ren, there, there.

304. Look at me, big, mean Ren,

305. crying like a baby.

306. Pretty pathetic, huh?

307. Oh, pshaw.

308. No one will ever know.

309. You just cry your little eyes out.

310. Captioning made possible by comedy central

311. Captioned by Soundwriters™