The Politician 1x6

1. Lastly, to everyone who cast a vote for my opponent,

2. we may have our differences, but from day one,

3. I pledge to be president of every student at this school

4. and I will make sure that your voices are heard too.

5. Certainly doesn't sound like a concession speech.

6. It isn't.

7. Uh, and I... I didn't bother preparing one.

8. You see, our internal polls

9. showed a higher-than-expected rate of voter turnout.

10. We needed like 55 percent, it's hovering around 57.

11. So, that shortens the tails on our model, which as of ten minutes ago,

12. had us at a 71 percent chance of victory.

13. Listen, the vote is gonna close in an hour,

14. and I know that this campaign has been hard on you, okay?

15. You've been through a lot with the whole River thing,

16. - and— Sorry.

17. - Wow.

18. Seems like the congratulations are already pouring in.

19. - I just—

20. I wanted to say for the record I am sorry that this race...

21. got so nasty.

22. - Thanks, Payton. Really appreciate it.

23. But those texts you're getting aren't congratulations.

24. I imagine they're from your team who are probably freaking out.

25. You're president, Payton.

26. Well, not yet.

27. The polls don't close for an hour. And the votes haven't been counted.

28. And they're not gonna be.

29. They're being dumped outside as we speak.

30. See, a few minutes ago, I sent around a school-wide email

31. announcing my withdrawal from the race.

32. So, Principal Vaughn agreed that counting the votes would be pointless.

33. Why— Why would you do that?

34. Because your model was right. Ours said the same.

35. Voter turnout was up. Late deciders were breaking for you,

36. so instead of just lose,

37. I thought I would drag you down with me and make sure you couldn't win.

38. I mean, you're president, so you have won something.

39. An office with no meaning, which no one can respect.

40. Screw you very much, Payton.

41. Hell of a campaign.

42. What?

43. - Why don't you answer your phone? - What can we do?

44. Nothing. They've closed polls and thrown out ballots.

45. We can kiss any mandate goodbye.

46. Well, we can— Um, we can file an appeal.

47. Appeal what? Your victory?

48. Pyrrhic victory is the term,

49. one that is tantamount to defeat because it is devoid of any value or meaning.

50. Shit!

51. You're pathetic.

52. Infinity. What are you doing here?

53. I'm on to you, creep.

54. I'm not a professional clown, I just like helping kids.

55. Shut up, Ray!

56. I know... everything.

57. And I have enough evidence to put you away forever.

58. So unless you want to spend the rest of your life in prison,

59. you're gonna have to do what I want.

60. And I have two demands.

61. All those in favor?

62. - The motion passes.

63. Next item I would like to introduce,

64. St. Sebastian's new student body president

65. and vice president, Payton Hobart and Skye Leighton.

66. Congratulations on your victory.

67. Oh, thank you, Principal Vaughn.

68. Members of the board, I am...

69. I'm humbled to stand before you today.

70. Drinking straws have been around since the third millennium BCE,

71. since the ancient Sumerians used straws made of gold.

72. Ryegrass eventually became used and then paper.

73. And in 1955, single-use straws made of plastic became the norm.

74. Now over 500 million straws are used and thrown away each and every day.

75. That's enough straws to wrap around our Earth two and a half times.

76. It's an ecological disaster

77. and a moral catastrophe.

78. Board members, I come before you here to propose that St. Sebastian ban the use

79. of all single-use plastic straws.

80. For the cost of just one penny per straw,

81. we can join the city of Malibu

82. and McDonald's UK,

83. and become part of the solution to this looming environmental catastrophe.

84. A penny per straw.

85. The school goes through thousands of straws every day.

86. That's a lot of money.

87. Where do you propose the money comes from?

88. - Well— - Mr. Hobart, you should know that straws

89. are part of an omnibus cafeteria supplies contract

90. we have with Cali Food Service,

91. so we'll be getting plastic straws through the year 2025 anyway.

92. That's tens of thousands of straws.

93. What do we do with them? Throw them away?

94. Also, this just came to my mind,

95. a lot of kids like chewing on plastic straws.

96. I sometimes do.

97. Sort of an oral fixation thing.

98. And I wonder, if we get rid of those straws,

99. are these kids gonna be more likely to, say,

100. smoke cigarettes or vape? Do you have any data on that?

101. Smoke, um, that's definitely something we can look into.

102. Before the board take the vote on this—

103. So, we're taking a straw poll?

104. All those in favor?

105. Motion is denied.

106. - Thank you, Payton.

107. And congratulations again.

108. Thank you.

109. The next item is the motion to change compact fluorescent light bulbs

110. in common areas from soft white to cool white.

111. Infinity?

112. Answer me! I know you're in there!

113. How'd you find me here?

114. Ray, he told me.

115. Come on. Let me come in.

116. I can't talk to you through a crack in the door.

117. Tough titties, Nana.

118. Infinity!

119. Oh, please, honey! Please!

120. It'll just take a minute, I promise, then I'll leave.

121. Wow.

122. - Well, how are you affording this? - You should ask Ray that.

123. He's the one paying for it.

124. It's a place of my own until I graduate.

125. And all the pistachio and framboise macarons that I want.

126. That's my price for not sending him to prison.

127. Stupid idiot.

128. Oh, honey, you can't just eat macarons.

129. You're gonna end up with diabetes.

130. But that's— Nana, that's on you.

131. I'd never even tried a macaron

132. until you got us into Club 33 at Disneyland.

133. Guess what? From now on, I only want fancy things in my life.

134. I just can't believe what I'm hearing.

135. - No? - I mean, I don't even recognize you.

136. Good!

137. - You can't smoke in here. - Oh, of course I can smoke in here.

138. You can't smoke in here.

139. Nana?

140. How did my mom die?

141. Well, now, why...

142. why would you ask me something that you already know?

143. She died of kidney failure.

144. Yeah.

145. But what caused the kidney failure?

146. I mean, if we had known that, maybe,

147. you know, maybe... we could've helped her.

148. So, look, all her blood tests

149. say that she had lead poisoning,

150. but was never treated for it.

151. Maybe that's because Ray...

152. was the technician who never told the doctors.

153. Is that how you and Ray met?

154. - Now you just hold on— - There's lead paint in our basement.

155. I know that.

156. That's why I never,

157. never, never, never

158. let you or your mother go down there.

159. Because it wasn't safe.

160. But you did.

161. You went down into the basement all the time.

162. What are you saying? That— That I went down into the basement

163. and peeled paint chips off the wall and fed them to your mother?

164. Yeah. That's exactly what I think.

165. That is insane.

166. You've been poisoning me! That's insane!

167. Nana, it makes sense!

168. I mean, you learned how to do it on her, right?

169. That kept her around?

170. - No, don't drink so much juice— - You're not the boss of me!

171. And you realized all the attention you were getting, right?

172. This is an outrageous and evil lie.

173. I have made copies, Nana, of all of these papers!

174. And they are sitting in a post office box

175. that I told Ricardo to open if anything happens to me.

176. So you know what I want?

177. I want an all-expenses paid senior trip to Paris, Nana.

178. Unlimited funds.

179. I wanna do Paris right.

180. Freedom is what I need right now.

181. I wanna go to the restaurant in Ratatouille, the one where the rat cooks.

182. That's an animated film, Infinity.

183. Rats don't actually work there.

184. If you can pull that off,

185. I might...

186. might consider coming to your funeral.

187. Now get the hell

188. out of my apartment

189. before I call the cops.

190. I'm not sure I should drink that.

191. I'm only 18.

192. Oh, come on.

193. I am sure that you have done more illegal things

194. than take a few sips of red wine.

195. Okay, look, the things that Infinity and I maybe have done,

196. those are consensual.

197. Well, I think you are a great influence on Infinity.

198. I hope you two get married

199. and have babies.

200. I think it would be so wonderful to have you as part of our family.

201. Wow!

202. That— That's great!

203. I didn't know that. I mean, me too!

204. I just wish Infinity felt that way, 'cause she stopped speaking to me.

205. Oh, well, now, Infinity is going through some growing pains

206. and I understand that.

207. But...

208. wow.

209. She has some ideas in her head.

210. They're crazy.

211. And I have to think, where would she be getting these ideas?

212. Who would be poisoning that little girl

213. against me?

214. Against the both of us?

215. Payton.

216. That's right. Payton.

217. If it weren't for him,

218. she'd be sittin' here right now at this table with us, her family,

219. listenin' to Shirley Bassey and watchin' me drink.

220. So what?

221. You think I should kill him?

222. What?

223. Yes. Yes, I do.

224. I'm gonna have to think about that.

225. Oh, and well you should.

226. You should think about that long and hard.

227. He took her away from us,

228. and she will come back...

229. if he is out of the picture.

230. I don't like him.

231. Now, I think the key here is...

232. to find a way to do it

233. so that the suspicion doesn't swing back on us.

234. What?

235. I just don't understand why you would do all that stuff to her.

236. What stuff? Hmm?

237. Makin' her sick? You see?

238. That is why that Payton is so insidious.

239. Because he makes some outlandish claim

240. that is based on no facts,

241. and simply because it is so outrageous,

242. it sticks in your mind and you think,

243. "Could that be true?"

244. Let's say...

245. I did do it.

246. What if I made her sick?

247. I mean, I'm not saying I did, but what if?

248. Wasn't she happier?

249. She's all alone, livin' in a motel for God's sake.

250. You know, people say to me, "Dusty, you are a saint."

251. But...

252. I'm no saint.

253. I'm just a little old country girl.

254. Hey, do you know what my first job was when I came out here to California?

255. I was modeling...

256. for those, uh, Santa Barbara car shows.

257. Well, I had no trouble attracting the attention of men.

258. In fact, I...

259. I attracted a little too much attention.

260. And then Richard gets me pregnant,

261. and the day I tell him is the last day

262. I ever see him.

263. And then suddenly, there I am all alone

264. with this beautiful little baby in my arms.

265. Oh, my God.

266. I wish you could've seen her.

267. Infinity's mama was... Oh!

268. She was so beautiful!

269. She was just... like a little doll baby.

270. And I thought, "Well,

271. at least at least she'll never leave me."

272. And then, lo and behold, she turns 17,

273. and I can't do anything right.

274. But then, she gets knocked up.

275. She doesn't want to be under this roof, but she's got nowhere to go.

276. She can't raise that baby on her own.

277. And that's when...

278. I made some mistakes.

279. I just couldn't let her ruin her life and Infinity's by leaving.

280. She needed a reason to stay.

281. And I gave it to her.

282. And after she got sick,

283. we were so close again.

284. All the yellin' and fightin', that was over.

285. We were a family again.

286. And her death...

287. her death was tragic.

288. There's no way around that. I mean, I was devastated.

289. But then, I had this little girl again.

290. It was like I'd stepped through some kind of time warp.

291. Only this time, I could change the ending of that story.

292. I didn't have to watch someone I love walk out the door.

293. If...

294. I'm saying if I'd done that.

295. Besides, we just got so much free stuff.

296. So...

297. I guess we know what needs to happen here, don't we, Ricardo?

298. Mm-hmm?

299. But it's not coming out that well.

300. We used to do like a X, like a crosshatch

301. - so that it will... - Mm-hmm.

302. expose it. You okay?

303. So good.

304. Oh, my God. What is that?

305. It's Dr. Pimple Popper.

306. You mean, there's a TV show about a lady who just pops pimples?

307. Mm-hmm.

308. How did I miss this?

309. This is brilliant.

310. I just like that it has a really clear narrative.

311. You know, bad things are excised.

312. Happy ending every time.

313. I think I'm falling into a clinical depression.

314. I know, sweetheart.

315. It's because you don't take any time to enjoy yourself.

316. - That's not who I am.

317. I'm not about enjoyment.

318. I'm about winning.

319. I'm about making the world a better place, and Astrid just took that from me.

320. I have no mandate, so I have no life.

321. I have no...

322. ground to launch from.

323. Those can't be the only things you enjoy.

324. You know, I do remember feeling something when I sang for River at his memorial.

325. Not happiness per se, but...

326. just a connection to something outside the blur of my own ambition and...

327. thwarted dreams.

328. Darling,

329. - you won the election. - Mmm.

330. You did it.

331. Who cares if you can't get healthy snacks into the cafeteria

332. or an emotional support pig in the classroom?

333. This is your senior year.

334. You should be enjoying yourself.

335. Eat some pizza.

336. Hang out with friends. Experiment.

337. - I don't know how to do that. - Would you like some advice?

338. Find some way to bring music into your life.

339. - You okay? - Yeah.

340. - Oh, my. - Really?

341. - That's big. - I'm not hurting you?

342. Hello again, everyone.

343. St. Sebastian is home to 57 drinking fountains.

344. Now almost two dozen are rarely used, and nine,

345. this may come as a shock to you,

346. in a week of monitoring, were not used at all.

347. This is a waste of energy,

348. and it is taxpayer dollars literally going down the drain.

349. 'Cause...

350. Um, so I'm here to propose a plan

351. that would remove 15 of the lowest-performing drinking fountains,

352. and use the revenue saved to replace the remainder

353. with state-of-the-art eco-conscious fountains.

354. - Motion denied. Thank you, Payton.

355. We're gonna take a short recess and reconvene in five minutes.

356. This is a disaster.

357. Yeah. They don't seem at all interested in water-use policy.

358. No, I mean Payton.

359. He's the disaster. He has no agenda.

360. We need him out of the way so we can do something.

361. - What do you mean? - Why are we talking straws

362. and water fountains?

363. We should be up there asking why girls' participation in sports

364. is half of what it is among boys.

365. It's like a Title IX issue right there.

366. "You should be president." That's what you're thinking.

367. - I didn't say that. - You didn't have to.

368. We need to get rid of him, McAfee.

369. Why are you doing this?

370. I'm giving you sensible, common sense proposals.

371. You're giving me useless, expensive proposals

372. that will cost me my job.

373. If you're not willing to take risks, maybe you don't deserve your job.

374. You didn't win the election, Payton.

375. Yeah, I know. Astrid dropped out before I could.

376. We counted the ballots, and Astrid won the election by two votes.

377. What?

378. You don't speak for the students at St. Sebastian.

379. They heard your message, but they picked somebody else.

380. You don't have a mandate.

381. You're not Barack Obama.

382. You're Gerald Ford.

383. Enjoy your senior year.

384. Hi, it's Payton.

385. What do you want?

386. I was wondering, um...

387. Can I buy you dinner?

388. - Mmm!

389. Mmm. That was good.

390. You look great.

391. You...

392. - definitely got your appetite back.

393. Well, food...

394. Food finally tastes normal again.

395. Chemo made everything taste spicy. Like, if there was one speck of pepper...

396. my whole mouth would burn like it was on fire.

397. Infinity, um...

398. So, I think I owe you an enormous apology.

399. Why? I mean, you said it yourself, you s—

400. you saved my life.

401. Yeah, but I went about it all wrong.

402. I was a politician...

403. and not a human being.

404. What happened to you is terrible.

405. And I just got caught up in it

406. because of my...

407. my ambition, you know?

408. But I have an idea that I think...

409. I think could be really great for you.

410. It's something that I'm gonna do to try...

411. and enjoy my last few months here.

412. Try at least.

413. And I really think that it might

414. actually be fun if we did it together.

415. What is it?

416. Hello. I'm Payton Hobart.

417. I will be auditioning for... any of the male leads.

418. Payton, can I just say I was at the assembly for River

419. when you sang that amazing song to him.

420. You, sir, don't have to audition.

421. Would you consider playing the part of John Hinckley?

422. Trust me, it's the role. You'll be fantastic.

423. Yeah, sure.

424. Oh, great.

425. Thank you, Payton.

426. Rehearsals start Monday.

427. Um, I do actually have one condition, though. Um...

428. Come on.

429. I will only do the show if you can cast my friend Infinity as well.

430. Oh!

431. It's so bright.

432. My name is Infinity Jackson,

433. and I'm specifically trying out for the role of Squeaky Fromme.

434. Ah.

435. What's the next one? Red leather, yellow leather.

436. - Red leather, ye— llow leather.

437. Hey.

438. Infinity! Can I please talk to you?

439. I'm dying every day.

440. Who told you that I was here?

441. Your nana. She wants us to be together. She told me so.

442. Ricardo, finding out that I wasn't dying

443. was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

444. It opened my eyes, and now I can see all the things that my life can be.

445. I can have my own place. I can eat macarons.

446. I can go to Paris. I can play the lead in a musical.

447. - What? - Yeah, that's right.

448. They're doing Assassins at school and I got the part of Squeaky Fromme.

449. It is, uh...

450. It's the best part in the show.

451. No.

452. Yeah.

453. - Best part of the show is John Hinckley. - Goodbye.

454. Forever, Ricardo.

455. Infinity!

456. You're not gonna get a second chance.

457. I'm warning you! Something really bad is gonna happen.

458. I don't care!

459. I don't think you can be in the show if you don't go here.

460. Well, I used to go here.

461. But I dropped out a couple years ago.

462. And I talked to the career counselor

463. about enrolling in some night classes to get my GED, so...

464. technically I will be going here.

465. Look, I know you need guys.

466. And I really wanna be a part of this show.

467. Oh, okay, well, you do have to audition. Is there a song you'd like to sing?

468. Yeah.

469. I'm gonna sing "Beneath a Moonless Sky"

470. from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies.

471. It's the sequel to Phantom of the Opera.

472. Hit it, Ms. Piano DJ.

473. Congratulations, cast of Stephen Sondheim's Assassins.

474. Okay, so, uh...

475. I think you all know one another, but I'd like to introduce Ricardo.

476. He is a continuing education student here,

477. and he is our John Wilkes Booth.

478. I will never forgive you for this.

479. Now, before we dive in with some "getting to know you" exercises,

480. Daria is going to be giving each of you a dramaturgical packet

481. of all the characters portrayed in this play.

482. Because I really want us to go deep here.

483. I want each and every one of you

484. to become these characters.

485. Because we have to remember,

486. a villain never thinks he's a villain.

487. He is the hero of his own story.

488. Don't be afraid about looking stupid.

489. Just move your bodies to the music.

490. Don't think about it.

491. Oh, yes, Ricardo.

492. Great!

493. I don't want to do this.

494. That's the point, Infinity. It's a trust exercise.

495. And one, two, three.

496. - I finally did it, didn't I? - You did great.

497. Get off!

498. Mr. President!

499. President Reagan! President Reagan!

500. - God! - Oh, God!

501. - Mr. President!

502. President Reagan! President Reagan!

503. - God! - Oh, God!

504. Mr. President!

505. President Reagan! President Reagan!

506. - God! - Oh, God!

507. - I don't believe it. - Two votes? How did she even know that?

508. She counted them.

509. No. No, this is bullshit.

510. She's lying. The model said we had an 80% chance of winning.

511. The model isn't the problem.

512. The problem is you assuming high turnout early in the day

513. would continue later in the day, which is A, stupid and—

514. Both of you shut up!

515. The fact is that we lost, okay?

516. Can go back and forth about fault,

517. but we will still face the fact that the voters rejected our message,

518. and that we don't have their confidence, okay?

519. Our real problem is that we now have two big secrets, okay?

520. Astrid won, and we knew Infinity did not have cancer.

521. If either of those facts ever get out, our careers are over.

522. You're exhausted. We need to calm down.

523. Do not interrupt me, James!

524. This is what happens, guys, okay? We have two little secrets.

525. Hey, we didn't actually win.

526. And hey, you remember that girl with cancer?

527. We knew that she did not have cancer, and we opted not to tell her.

528. Okay? Next campaign, maybe there'll be, I don't know,

529. two more and then 15 years from now, I'm running for Senate

530. and we have 40 skeletons in our closet.

531. Payton, how can we help?

532. Give me your loyalty.

533. You have our loyalty.

534. Then put it in writing.

535. Sign a non-disclosure agreement.

536. You've gotta be kidding.

537. No one is kidding anyone, James.

538. "During the term of your service and at all times hereafter,

539. you hereby agree not to disclose, disseminate, or publish

540. any confidential information in any way detrimental to Mr. Hobart—"

541. This is all very standard stuff. It's boilerplate, McAfee.

542. "Breach of said agreement will be entitled to all remedies,

543. including, but not limited to monetary damages of five million dollars"?

544. I don't believe this.

545. We've been friends since we were eight, you can trust us.

546. Okay, good. Then none of this is an issue,

547. and you should have no problem putting it in writing.

548. Look, right now, we're all great friends, right?

549. Right? We're all in this together. But...

550. when the stakes get higher, friendships fail.

551. So, sign the NDAs, and we can ensure that that never happens.

552. I signed mine ten minutes ago.

553. Just think five million is a little over the top.

554. For the record, this is insane.

555. Thank you.

556. Payton.

557. You seem really stressed.

558. I mean, I know you're stressed and worn out and pissed off,

559. so I thought this might cheer you up.

560. It's red velvet. Skye and I made a whole batch.

561. I hope it tastes okay.

562. Hey...

563. I got your back.

564. - You want a bite? - I'm reducing for prom.

565. How long has he been like this?

566. Over an hour.

567. I did the juneberry and cactus poultice.

568. I put the crystal by his head.

569. Did you place some in his armpits?

570. Yes. I did everything you told me to do.

571. Nothing's working. I'm scared.

572. It's probably just a bug, Mom.

573. 103.5!

574. We need to get him to a hospital.

575. - How are you? You OK? - Is it something you ate?

576. I'm okay now, but...

577. this is bad, you guys. I'm...

578. I'm genuinely scared, OK?

579. First we find out I'm not a legitimate president,

580. then someone tries to assassinate me.

581. Wait, hold on. Are you sure you didn't just, like, have a bad oyster?

582. Someone tried to kill me, James.

583. Okay, I don't think we need to jump to conclusions.

584. - Yeah, why would someone do that? - Ronald Reagan.

585. At the nadir of his popularity, he's leaving the Washington Hilton...

586. - ... and John Hinckley opens fire.

587. Reagan is hit and his agent Brady gets shot in the head and paralyzed for life.

588. Payton, everyone agrees that was a tragedy.

589. Abe Lincoln, James!

590. When you become president, people come after you, James.

591. People who want to stop what you're doing,

592. people who want someone else in office doing something different,

593. and people that are just nuts.

594. I barfed my guts out, James. Okay?

595. It's not like I just ate a bad oyster.

596. I was puking blood.

597. I was poisoned.

598. McAfee tried to kill me.

599. Wait. McAfee?

600. Yeah, ask her.

601. McAfee, did you poison Payton?

602. Yeah, I think I did.

603. - Wait, what? - I didn't mean to.

604. Skye and I made those cupcakes.

605. I made the cake part, but Skye made the icing.

606. Then we had them, they were fine.

607. But Skye wanted to make a special cake for Payton

608. with icing I didn't see her make.

609. I didn't think anything of it, who poisons someone?

610. But now I think she had to have.

611. She'd been talking about getting rid of you,

612. - I thought it was just talk. - Are you kidding me?

613. - Get out. - When were you gonna mention this?

614. - I didn't think she'd actually kill him! - Get out!

615. - I don't ever want to see you again. - Payton, please.

616. McAfee, it's over. Leave.

617. Are you saying what I think you're saying?

618. Why did you put special icing on Payton's cupcake?

619. Because I wanted to write a message on it to be nice, McAfee.

620. What was in the icing, Skye?

621. Sugar and butter, bitch!

622. I will not sit here and be accused of trying to murder someone...

623. when making the cupcakes was your idea.

624. Three days earlier, giving you plenty of time—

625. And I went along with it, which now I realize I shouldn't have.

626. Because I wanted to do something nice for someone who I actually think is an idiot,

627. and who I can't stand.

628. So if you want to believe I tried to murder Payton

629. so I could be student body president, I have two things to say to you.

630. - I'm just trying to understand— - Number one, screw you.

631. Number two, I'm dumping your ass.

632. And I'm probably doing you a favor because I don't think you're gay,

633. you tight-ass, stuck-up tourist.

634. If you were, you'd know your way around a woman's body,

635. which, just so you know,

636. you don't.

637. Mom?

638. What are you doing here?

639. I need to talk to you.

640. Not here.

641. God, my husband is upstairs.

642. He's finishing a giant jigsaw puzzle of Peggy Guggenheim's Venetian Palazzo.

643. Stables, 15 minutes.

644. - Okay. - No sex.

645. I thought you went to work on a dude ranch in Wyoming.

646. Montana. It's beautiful.

647. I saw a man get murdered by a bear.

648. I don't think a bear can murder a man.

649. He can kill him, but murdering sounds like there's malicious intent.

650. My point is it's all so real there.

651. You could use some real.

652. I made a commitment to my son.

653. If I leave, he'll lose everything.

654. He will lose you if you stay.

655. You will start resenting him.

656. Maybe not today,

657. but someday soon.

658. I'm flying back tomorrow. Come with me.

659. Tomorrow.

660. "My dearest Jodie,

661. I'm humiliated by my weakness and my impotence,

662. but I can change.

663. Jodie, I'll prove to you that I can change with one brave historic act.

664. I'll win your love now and for all eternity.

665. Love, John."

666. Great! Great! So good!

667. - Such a great song! - That was awesome.

668. - That was really good. - We'll take a two-minute potty break

669. and we'll move on.

670. - We're gonna move—

671. I'll catch up with you. I'll be back.

672. Okay. Do you want me to come with— with— No? Okay.

673. I'm gonna get a snack.

674. That was great. Show's gonna be really good.

675. Thanks.

676. Listen, I'm really glad that you're here. I actually did want to apologize.

677. I was, um,

678. quite exhausted and dehydrated, and I...

679. well, I jumped to sort of an insane conclusion.

680. I don't think you did.

681. Skye swears up and down that she didn't do it,

682. and maybe we'll never know.

683. But there's a possibility that she did poison you.

684. And that's on me for not seeing it sooner.

685. The fact is...

686. This is hard to talk about and I should've earlier,

687. and I can't believe I didn't and I don't know why I didn't.

688. - Didn't what? - Tell you.

689. Skye and I have been having a love affair

690. since a few weeks before she joined the ticket.

691. Oh my— You've gotta— You've gotta be kidding me.

692. Complete honesty. Right? Isn't that what we agreed on?

693. - Total transparency, right? - I know, Payton. It was bad.

694. But I had to have something for myself. You're not in charge of my personal life.

695. Anyway, it's over. I'm sorry. I'm—

696. - What else do you want me to say? - Nothing.

697. - Think you and I should part ways. - Payton!

698. You know what? I wish you well, McAfee, but we're done.

699. And we're back.

700. Okay, Ricardo, I want to sing through "The Ballad of..."

701. Where's Ricardo?

702. - You want one? - I'm okay.

703. Oh, hi! Uh...

704. We don't need the gun right now.

705. BB gun.

706. I want to hold it.

707. It's important for the character.

708. Bang!

709. Wow.

710. Just wow.

711. Nope.

712. My character would never wear that.

713. Hey. Uh, Ricardo? Can I talk to you in private for a quick second?

714. Sorry.

715. First of all, great job out there, man.

716. I really think that once you sort of modulate that performance,

717. then it's gonna be really effective.

718. You know what they say, man.

719. Less is more. So...

720. I wanted to talk to you about this gun.

721. It's just a BB gun. And I need it.

722. Okay, but, uh, John Wilkes Booth didn't actually use a rifle,

723. he used a handgun.

724. I want to use a rifle.

725. Okay. Well, um, as you know, I'm student body president,

726. and a significant part of my platform was about gun reform,

727. so I can't really be part of a show where an actor's holding a gun

728. when he doesn't need to.

729. It's not a gun.

730. Okay, well, it looks like a gun,

731. so either figure out a way to butcher that song without it,

732. or I take this up with the school board. Either way, I'm winning this fight.

733. Maybe... it is a gun.

734. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

735. - Bang!

736. Just kidding.

737. - Ow! Ow!

738. Ow! Oh, my God!

739. Ow!

740. See?

741. BB gun.

742. What the hell?

743. - Hey! - Hi.

744. So, did you do it? It's done?

745. - Yeah. - Oh!

746. I might just order a drink.

747. What are you talking about? You're 18.

748. So? I thought you didn't mind if I drink around you.

749. Just listen.

750. I want you to tell me what happened,

751. and then you and I are gonna go our separate ways

752. and we are never gonna speak about this again, okay?

753. - You shot him, yes? - Yeah!

754. Right in the ass.

755. He screamed like a bitch.

756. And I was like, "Whoops! I'm so sorry.

757. - I didn't mean to do that." - No, no.

758. - Wait— - He ran off screaming and drove home—

759. Wait a minute!

760. You shot him in the ass?

761. I wanted the BB to get lodged in his ass so it'd be hard to pull out.

762. A BB?

763. The plan wasn't to shoot him with a BB gun!

764. I've been doin' all this research for this role I've been playin', right?

765. I've been learnin' about all these famous assassinations.

766. Have you ever heard of Philoctetes?

767. Yeah? Well, you should check him out

768. because he was this famous Greek warrior

769. who wanted to bone down with Helen of Troy,

770. and he got shot with an arrow

771. that was dipped in the gallbladder of the Hydra.

772. Which I get is, like, a mythological creature,

773. but still, I was like, "That's it."

774. And there's this possum that somebody ran over right by my uncle's house,

775. and it got ran over, like a while ago.

776. And I didn't know which part was his gallbladder,

777. so I pulled out all of its guts and I mashed 'em up

778. and I got these hollow-pointed air gun pellets,

779. and I soaked 'em in it overnight.

780. I buried the pellet at least

781. two inches...

782. deep into the muscle,

783. putting all that dead possum guts bacteria straight into his bloodstream.

784. Ow!

785. It's called sepsis.

786. And you die of it.

787. Your organs shut down or something.

788. Jesus Christ!

789. You didn't do what I asked!

790. Dimwit.

791. I am trying to get my granddaughter back, you twat!

792. - Calm down— - No!

793. Don't tell me to calm down!

794. Shut up and sit down!

795. Sorry.

796. Family stuff.

797. He'll be dead by morning.

798. And I can say it was an accident,

799. and you weren't connected in any way at all.

800. Okay?

801. Thank you, Ricardo! For doing exactly...

802. what I asked you to do.

803. Whatever that is, that's gross.

804. 101.

805. Another fever.

806. - I think I'm just run down this time.

807. You're so sad.

808. I love you so much.

809. And that makes you sad?

810. My mother was very cold.

811. At least that's what my babysitter told me.

812. She wasn't really around enough for me to get a sense of her.

813. So I had no model

814. for what a mother was.

815. No model to reject or to embrace.

816. I had very little natural instinct for it.

817. Which is why your brothers turned out so poorly.

818. And when we adopted you,

819. I sat down and I made a list of how a perfect mother would be.

820. Gentle, endlessly loving,

821. patient, trusting,

822. and selfless.

823. That's exactly how I would describe you.

824. I don't know if I can be those things anymore.

825. A person can't be truly selfless and survive.

826. I was no one until you came into my life.

827. I was a corked bottle floating in the sea, the tide pushing me wherever it wanted to.

828. The note inside me was blank.

829. I'm only who I want to be

830. when I'm in relation to you.

831. That's too much pressure to put on me.

832. In a year I'll be out of the house,

833. - thousands of miles away.

834. Were you planning on moving to Cambridge?

835. - Maybe not full-time.

836. Mom, I don't need the money.

837. I don't. I'm not like Martin,

838. or Luther, or even Dad.

839. I'll find my way no matter what.

840. I'm in love with someone for the first time in my life.

841. It might be real, it might be just an escape hatch,

842. but I feel like...

843. if I don't give it a try,

844. I will die here.

845. - Then go.

846. You don't need my permission, but I give it to you.

847. You will always be the love of my life.

848. Oh, my God.

849. Oh, honey, you're soaking wet.

850. I want you to take a cold shower. I'm gonna call the doctor.

851. Okay.

852. - Mom. Mom? - Yes, my love.

853. I love you.

854. Oh, my— Help!

855. Somebody come and help me, please!

856. Payton!

857. Payton, wake up!

858. This is Georgina Hobart.

859. I need an ambulance immediately. My son is very ill.