1. - Skipper's log.Copy !req
2. Unbeknownst to my men,
I have arrived in ShanghaiCopy !req
3. on a super-secret
solo mission.Copy !req
4. It's nice.
A little humid.Copy !req
5. Intelligent sourcesCopy !req
6. put a shipment of weaponized
soup dumplings on this dock.Copy !req
7. The dim sum
of all fears.Copy !req
8. - There is no dim sum,
dumb-dumb!Copy !req
9. - Hans.
- Skipper, my old frenemy.Copy !req
10. - But you were in—Copy !req
11. - You think Hoboken can hold
Hans the puffin?Copy !req
12. - Well, I hoped.
So this was—Copy !req
13. - A trap!Copy !req
14. Let's say we settle this
with mackerel.Copy !req
15. Let's not.Copy !req
16. - What was that?
We always fish fight.Copy !req
17. You could put an eye out
with that thing.Copy !req
18. - We were in a rut.Copy !req
19. I don't want to be
in a rut with you, Hans.Copy !req
20. - You hurt with your words,
Skipper.Copy !req
21. So I will hurt
with my feet.Copy !req
22. - Ha!Copy !req
23. - Oof!Copy !req
24. Aah!Copy !req
25. - You're right,
Skipper, old chum,Copy !req
26. this does beat the fish.Copy !req
27. - Now, Hans,
take it easy.Copy !req
28. Ha!Copy !req
29. Whoo!Copy !req
30. Ha!Copy !req
31. - Aah!Copy !req
32. - Yah!Copy !req
33. - Ha!Copy !req
34. - Whoa!Copy !req
35. - Why the puzzling half smile
that suggestsCopy !req
36. you know something
that I do not?Copy !req
37. - How do you really think
I got out of Hoboken, Skipper?Copy !req
38. - Work release program?Copy !req
39. - I had help
from someone you know.Copy !req
40. - Huh? Whoa!Copy !req
41. Pen-go-in.Copy !req
42. - Blowhole?Copy !req
43. - Was that an entrance,
or what?Copy !req
44. Not that you'll remember it,
thanks to my...Copy !req
45. - Mind-jacker.Copy !req
46. - Uh...Copy !req
47. - And now
you will forget everything.Copy !req
48. Most importantly,Copy !req
49. how to swim!Copy !req
50. - Chimpanzees.
If they show their teeth,Copy !req
51. that's not a smile,
it means they want to eat you.Copy !req
52. - Honestly,
how that woman stays employedCopy !req
53. is a mystery worthy
of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.Copy !req
54. - Uh, why are we even here?Copy !req
55. - Because your teachers
have nervous breakdownsCopy !req
56. if they don't get a break
from you once in a while.Copy !req
57. - Last school group of the day,
gotta make it count.Copy !req
58. - Bus time! Let's move it!Copy !req
59. - Whee!Copy !req
60. Hey, I practiced that, you know.Copy !req
61. A little appreciation goes—
huh?Copy !req
62. - Come on, come on.Copy !req
63. You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.Copy !req
64. - Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
65. - Agh!Copy !req
66. What are you doing?Copy !req
67. You don't see anything!Copy !req
68. - I'm totally puttin' that
on the internet.Copy !req
69. - You guys!Copy !req
70. You so owe me.Copy !req
71. - Thank you
for taking an Alice for us.Copy !req
72. It seems my new
experimental power cell, uh—Copy !req
73. - Blew up like
all of your other experiments?Copy !req
74. - That was merely a discharge of
excess energy during assembly.Copy !req
75. I assure you, the power cell
itself is still intact.Copy !req
76. - All I know is Skipper
is gonna be—hey, where is he?Copy !req
77. - Since when
does Skipper take naps?Copy !req
78. - Skipper!Copy !req
79. - Yeah, uh, we meant
to tell you,Copy !req
80. but we know how you get.Copy !req
81. - Yeah, like that.Copy !req
82. - He's off
on a top secret mission.Copy !req
83. Zip it.Copy !req
84. - Okay, mm-hmm, I get it.
So it's all need-to-know,Copy !req
85. and tippy-top secret,
and if you told me,Copy !req
86. you'd have to
me.Copy !req
87. - Correct, correct,
and you know it, lady.Copy !req
88. - Because we don't even know
where he—Copy !req
89. - Really? But aren't you guys,
like, I don't know, a team?Copy !req
90. - But on the rarest
of occasions,Copy !req
91. there are missions that require
that Skipper go solo.Copy !req
92. - And when he
goes to the potty.Copy !req
93. - He adopts one of his
many undercover identities.Copy !req
94. - Except
when it's the potty.Copy !req
95. - And then he just vanishes
to parts unknown,Copy !req
96. duration unknown,
to do... unknown.Copy !req
97. - It's just, no matter how much
I think I know about you guys,Copy !req
98. haven't even scratched
the weird surface.Copy !req
99. Okay,
so he just takes off, right?Copy !req
100. Doesn't tell you where
he's going, or what he's doing.Copy !req
101. And you aren't worried?Copy !req
102. - There are few constantsCopy !req
103. in this crazy world of ours,
Marlene,Copy !req
104. but there is one certainty
on which he can always rely.Copy !req
105. Skipper
can take care of himself.Copy !req
106. Where am I?Copy !req
107. Who am I?Copy !req
108. How I have longed for this day!Copy !req
109. To see my arch foe
totally pwned.Copy !req
110. I mean, did you see how
he crumpled like—um, like...Copy !req
111. red one,
what's something one crumples?Copy !req
112. - Uh, newspaper.
- Of course, newspaper.Copy !req
113. I was looking
for something more violent.Copy !req
114. - The sports section, maybe?Copy !req
115. Let's just say
there was much crumpling,Copy !req
116. thanks to my...Copy !req
117. - Mind-jacker.Copy !req
118. - Kowalski, options.Copy !req
119. You're always chasing
rainbows, Private.Copy !req
120. Ringtail.Copy !req
121. Smile and wave, boys.Copy !req
122. Trust me, Manfredi,
what could go wrong?Copy !req
123. - Skipper's thoughts,
pen-go-in secrets, all mine.Copy !req
124. - The penguins have an
anti-matter fusion reactor core,Copy !req
125. let's see, one meters east
of their command center.Copy !req
126. - Gotcha.Copy !req
127. - They got a variety of intruder
defense systems in place,Copy !req
128. and... wow,Copy !req
129. Kowalski keeps his truth serum
in a hot sauce bottle.Copy !req
130. - Kowalski, you sly dog.Copy !req
131. - Ooh, wait,
I'm gettin' more detailsCopy !req
132. on their network
of underground tunnels.Copy !req
133. - Soon I will have
all the data I needCopy !req
134. to plan my assault
on the pen-go-in H.Q.Copy !req
135. And there will be
no Skipper to stop me.Copy !req
136. - Excuse me.
- What?Copy !req
137. Dr. Mammal-fish, do you have
the Wi-Fi in this place?Copy !req
138. - I'm scheming here.Copy !req
139. - I was locked up
in Hoboken a long time,Copy !req
140. I want to check my email.Copy !req
141. - Ooh!Copy !req
142. The king is in
his own little world.Copy !req
143. - But the feet are in
my little world!Copy !req
144. - Hello!Copy !req
145. Welcome back.Copy !req
146. - Maurice, this music box
from the lost and foundCopy !req
147. has lost its sound!Copy !req
148. - Dead battery.Copy !req
149. - But batteries cannot die.Copy !req
150. My boom-y box batteries
never died.Copy !req
151. - Yeah, well, I kinda replace
them while you're sleeping.Copy !req
152. - Uh, no.Copy !req
153. Billy, Bobby, Betty, and Bernie
are still there.Copy !req
154. - That's their, uh,
grandchildren.Copy !req
155. - Oh.Copy !req
156. But what about this one?
The battery that has failed me.Copy !req
157. I shall name him Baxter.
Baxter, you are a traitor!Copy !req
158. Don't you know who I am?Copy !req
159. - Your Majesty,
I recommend recycling at dawn.Copy !req
160. - Yes, recycling at dawn,
a most fitting fate!Copy !req
161. Mort! Come here
and guard the prisoner.Copy !req
162. - Okay.Copy !req
163. My special foot time was ruined
because of you, Dead Baxter!Copy !req
164. - And how did I get here?Copy !req
165. And when's
the last time I ate?Copy !req
166. And am I currently
on any medications?Copy !req
167. - Listen up, cupcake!Copy !req
168. - Is that my name?
- What?Copy !req
169. No, I was insulting youCopy !req
170. by referring to you
as something soft and sweet.Copy !req
171. - Ooh, that sounds yummy.
Do you have one?Copy !req
172. - Forget the cupcake!Copy !req
173. I'm Special Agent Buck Rotgut,
and you are Skipper.Copy !req
174. - Uh, okay.Copy !req
175. Now, is that
a name or an insult?Copy !req
176. - Name! But an insult
is comin' up fast.Copy !req
177. Here's the deal.Copy !req
178. All the vital intel in your
think melon has been swiped.Copy !req
179. - So my name is Skipper.
How come I don't remember that?Copy !req
180. - Your brain has been tapped,
it ain't rocket science.Copy !req
181. - No,
sounds more like brain science.Copy !req
182. - Affirmative.Copy !req
183. Evil brain science.Copy !req
184. - How'd you get here?
- I'm not.Copy !req
185. Your sweetbreads cooked me up
to get you through this.Copy !req
186. - So I'm doing this
with my mind.Copy !req
187. - Yup, and it looks like
your nogginCopy !req
188. is makin'
a last minute substitution.Copy !req
189. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What happened to Buck?Copy !req
190. - I am General Shingen.Copy !req
191. Long did you study my theories
of military strategy.Copy !req
192. It is my great honor
to be your hallucination.Copy !req
193. - And I am
hallucinating why?Copy !req
194. - Something deep
within your subconsciousCopy !req
195. has determined
that you need a spirit guide.Copy !req
196. - A spirit what?Copy !req
197. - To survive this,
you need guidance.Copy !req
198. - Uh, I do?Copy !req
199. - A vision
of someone you respect,Copy !req
200. someone with wisdom to share,
someone who can lead you home.Copy !req
201. And apparently
that someone is not me.Copy !req
202. - Snow Monkey?Copy !req
203. Oh, come on!
Snow Monkey was barely here!Copy !req
204. - Was I not crystal clear?Copy !req
205. What part of "put your phones on
vibrate" do you not understand?Copy !req
206. - Uh, doc.
Maybe you want to look at this.Copy !req
207. I think it's the "Your
archenemy survived" alarm.Copy !req
208. - No way!Copy !req
209. - Oh, here we go again.Copy !req
210. - It's showtime!Copy !req
211. Come on, Skipper,
you don't remember me?Copy !req
212. - My head is as fuzzy
on the insideCopy !req
213. as yours is on the outside.Copy !req
214. I don't remember
much of anything.Copy !req
215. - And that's why I'm here!Copy !req
216. Come on, let's go,
let's do this.Copy !req
217. All right, baby steps, okay?
You with me?Copy !req
218. What's my name?Copy !req
219. Say my name, come on.
Say my name. Say it.Copy !req
220. Say it!Copy !req
221. - Uh, you're what, a cat?Copy !req
222. - Yeah, big cat, technically,
but good start.Copy !req
223. - I want to say...Copy !req
224. Boots.Copy !req
225. Mittens.Copy !req
226. Scooter?Copy !req
227. Fluffy! Dusty. Buster. Peaches!Copy !req
228. It's Peaches, right?Copy !req
229. - Alex? Alex the lion.
You know, roar!Copy !req
230. We used to be neighbors.Copy !req
231. Then a lot
of crazy stuff happened,Copy !req
232. and, well...
spirit guide!Copy !req
233. This is where you applaud.Copy !req
234. - Anything?Copy !req
235. I got a lock on him.Copy !req
236. - Fire the archenemy-seeking
missile!Copy !req
237. - Can I stop now?Copy !req
238. - Oh, yeah. Right.Copy !req
239. So anyway, I'm here
to help you be you again.Copy !req
240. Old school
spirit guidance stuff.Copy !req
241. Come on, let's do it!
Just you and me and... that...Copy !req
242. missile.Copy !req
243. - Missile?Copy !req
244. So that was pretty weird.
- Not really.Copy !req
245. That kind of thing
happens to you all the time.Copy !req
246. - Whoa, I don't think so.
I'm just a penguin.Copy !req
247. - A penguin with enemies!Copy !req
248. Armed and dangerous-type
enemies.Copy !req
249. - Oh, come on.
Everyone loves a penguin, right?Copy !req
250. We're both cute and cuddly.Copy !req
251. You don't blow up
cute and cuddly!Copy !req
252. - Okay, follow my lead!
Flick kick!Copy !req
253. Axel turn.Copy !req
254. Hip walk!Copy !req
255. Coffee grinder.Copy !req
256. - How is he doing that?Copy !req
257. - Plie squat, what?Copy !req
258. - And who is he talking to?Copy !req
259. - Way to stick the landing!
You were born to dance.Copy !req
260. - You mean like
a pretty little ballerina?Copy !req
261. - You know,
you are surprisingly lightCopy !req
262. on those little webbed toes.Copy !req
263. Not unlike
a pretty little ballerina.Copy !req
264. Noo!Copy !req
265. - Wait! Rewind a little.Copy !req
266. - Hans!Copy !req
267. - Too far back,
fast forward.Copy !req
268. Wait! Rewind a little.Copy !req
269. Too forward!Copy !req
270. - Noo!Copy !req
271. That's it! Freeze it!Copy !req
272. - You want me to freeze sound,
doc?Copy !req
273. - That is definitely
the scream of an arch enemyCopy !req
274. who has met his doom.Copy !req
275. - I mean, I can freeze picture,
but sound exists in a continuum.Copy !req
276. - I get it, whatever.Copy !req
277. - It's just that you asked me
to do the impossible,Copy !req
278. and, uh, not the first time,
I might add.Copy !req
279. - You know that big pot of water
in the backCopy !req
280. that I keep at a steady, slow
boil, next to the movie butter?Copy !req
281. And sound is frozen.Copy !req
282. - See? Freezing sound,
destroying Skipper.Copy !req
283. Here in my evil organization
we do the impossible every day.Copy !req
284. - With the right attitude,
some teamwork,Copy !req
285. and a constant, overwhelming
fear of my wrath,Copy !req
286. we can do anything!Copy !req
287. - Yes!Copy !req
288. - Dude, wicked awkward.Copy !req
289. - You know,
if I wasn't imaginary,Copy !req
290. that slap
would've really hurt.Copy !req
291. - I am not a ballerina.Copy !req
292. This is not
a dancer's body.Copy !req
293. My body is a... is a...Copy !req
294. a living weapon?Copy !req
295. What the heck
kind of penguin am I?Copy !req
296. - Psychotic. Which ordinarily
would be a problem,Copy !req
297. but hey! That's you.Copy !req
298. That's Skipper!
Leader of team psycho!Copy !req
299. - Are you on my team?Copy !req
300. - Uh, no. No.
I have, like, my own team.Copy !req
301. Uh, Team Alex.
The larger mammals, mainly.Copy !req
302. You have your guys.Copy !req
303. - Right.
It's all coming back to me.Copy !req
304. Manfredi and Johnson.Copy !req
305. I can't wait
to see those knuckleheads.Copy !req
306. - Um, yeah,
not them, uh, so much,Copy !req
307. but it's a good team,
a solid team,Copy !req
308. your team!
Hoo-ahh!Copy !req
309. - And this team of mine
does what?Copy !req
310. - Missions.
Secret missions.Copy !req
311. Need-to-know, hush-hush
commando stuff.Copy !req
312. Hoo-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
313. - Hmm, does sound
a skosh psychotic.Copy !req
314. - Well, some might say that.Copy !req
315. And by some, I mean me.
I say that, all the time.Copy !req
316. - So if someone attacked me—
- Then your guys are next.Copy !req
317. We're talking danger here.Copy !req
318. They need you!Copy !req
319. - Really? If you say so.Copy !req
320. Okay, okay.
Then I have got to get home.Copy !req
321. - Good! Yes!
Sounds like a plan.Copy !req
322. You're the man
with the plan.Copy !req
323. The... penguin man...
with the—Copy !req
324. - Build a raft.
- Yes! Do that.Copy !req
325. Huh, turns out
I'm a great spirit guide.Copy !req
326. Add that to the resume.Copy !req
327. Good to have a fallback career
if the zoo thing goes south.Copy !req
328. - South, right.Copy !req
329. And when construction of the
aforementioned raft is complete,Copy !req
330. I set sail for home.
Antarctica.Copy !req
331. - Right! Wait, what?Copy !req
332. - Doc! Where are you?Copy !req
333. Paging Dr. Blowhole.Copy !req
334. Dr. Blowhole, please report
to attack planning.Copy !req
335. Who's over there?Copy !req
336. - Attack planning
will have to wait.Copy !req
337. I need to pop
by Mutation Development.Copy !req
338. Hard to imagine an animal more
sweet and innocent than a bunny.Copy !req
339. - But doc,
the analysis of Penguin H.Q.Copy !req
340. is almost wrapped up.Copy !req
341. They really need you
to plan this attack.Copy !req
342. - Red One, to have an attack,
one needs a weapon,Copy !req
343. like the...Copy !req
344. - Diabologizer!Copy !req
345. - Uh—Copy !req
346. - Yes! The...Copy !req
347. - Mind-jack—Copy !req
348. - Diabologizer!Copy !req
349. - ... works beyond
my wildest expectations.Copy !req
350. - One blast with this rayCopy !req
351. shall transform Kowalski,
Rico, and PrivateCopy !req
352. into monstrously evil
creatures of destruction!Copy !req
353. - No. No, no!Copy !req
354. None of these batteries
are the same as Dead Baxter.Copy !req
355. Mort! Keep up!Copy !req
356. - But my legs are tired!Copy !req
357. Et tu, mort? Why?Copy !req
358. Why is everything
wearing out on me?Copy !req
359. Yes, I am referring to you,
Dead Baxter!Copy !req
360. And it was a slam.Copy !req
361. - Maybe it could be recharged
or something.Copy !req
362. - What kind of demon sorcery
are you suggesting?Copy !req
363. He-witch.Copy !req
364. - Uh, I was thinking
we could get some helpCopy !req
365. from the zoo's science guy.Copy !req
366. - The zoo's science guy.Copy !req
367. Yes! Of course!
This is totally a Joey thing.Copy !req
368. Hey, g'day, mate.Copy !req
369. Hup. Hup. Hup.Copy !req
370. Kowalski, brainiac, penguin!Copy !req
371. - Really? Kowalski, the guy—
he doesn't even have a pouch.Copy !req
372. I've got the dizzies.Copy !req
373. - No, I will not be swayed,
big mouth cat.Copy !req
374. Penguins hail from Antarctica,
end of story.Copy !req
375. - Big no on Antarctica.
You're a city boy, like me.Copy !req
376. - Antarctica. Antarctica.Copy !req
377. Just kinda rolls through
the syllables, doesn't it?Copy !req
378. I like it.
Can't wait to get there.Copy !req
379. I don't think you are getting
the whole spirit guide gig.Copy !req
380. I pour out the wisdom,
and you drink it up.Copy !req
381. Drink up the wisdom,
Skipper!Copy !req
382. - Are spirit guides supposed
to get all shouty like that?Copy !req
383. - I'm not getting shouty!Copy !req
384. - So this
is the normal way to talk!Copy !req
385. Good to know!Copy !req
386. - Okay, um,
there has to be some memoryCopy !req
387. that was so strong
that it couldn't be wiped out.Copy !req
388. - Uh, cold. Ice?Copy !req
389. - Not Antarctica!Copy !req
390. Something you miss.Copy !req
391. Something that means more
to you than anything else.Copy !req
392. - Snow.
- No!Copy !req
393. Stop it!
- Let me finish.Copy !req
394. Snow... cones!Copy !req
395. - Snow cones?
That's what you remember?Copy !req
396. - They were tasty snow cones.Copy !req
397. - Uh, Skipper?Copy !req
398. - Tantalizing array of
artificially-created fruitiness.Copy !req
399. - Seriously, Skipper?Copy !req
400. - Hee-ya!Copy !req
401. That sweet syrup!
That turns—Copy !req
402. - Hah!
Everyday ice...Copy !req
403. Into frosty...Copy !req
404. Rainbow refreshment!Copy !req
405. I am going to the home of the
best snow cones in the world.Copy !req
406. Ha!Copy !req
407. My home.
The Central Park Zoo.Copy !req
408. - I did it!
We're goin' to New York!Copy !req
409. - New York.Copy !req
410. - The city so nice,
they named it twice.Copy !req
411. - With flavored ice!Copy !req
412. - My experimental power cell
is burstingCopy !req
413. with mega-gigajolts
of energy!Copy !req
414. Hmm, incredible power
plus dangerous instability,Copy !req
415. but there is
a dreaded third factorCopy !req
416. that would spell
certain disaster.Copy !req
417. - And the third factor
would be?Copy !req
418. - Hey!Copy !req
419. That battery
is the exact size I need!Copy !req
420. - Uncanny coincidence.Copy !req
421. - Ooh! This will meet
my kingly power needs.Copy !req
422. - Stop!
- Hey!Copy !req
423. How dare you be so greedy with
something I want just for me!Copy !req
424. - Get him!Copy !req
425. - What are you sillies doing?Copy !req
426. - Not a battery!Copy !req
427. - Come on,
it's totally a battery.Copy !req
428. - Not... a... battery.
Power cell.Copy !req
429. - Eh, potato, tomato.Copy !req
430. - Safe and sound.Copy !req
431. - Come back! This is
a matter of life and Def Jams!Copy !req
432. - Julian,
Kowalski said his power cellCopy !req
433. could destroy
the entire eastern seaboard.Copy !req
434. - Yeah, man!Copy !req
435. That's just
the kind of power I need.Copy !req
436. - Ah, what a beautiful sight!
We made it!Copy !req
437. - Yeah, right country,
wrong coast.Copy !req
438. - What?Copy !req
439. - Only 2,432 miles to go.
That's not so bad.Copy !req
440. Um, red eight
on the black nine.Copy !req
441. I'm just sayin',Copy !req
442. maybe everything
we think is wrong.Copy !req
443. Like, what if I'm real and
you're the imaginary one?Copy !req
444. - Don't you ever stop talking?Copy !req
445. Wait, you're a spirit guide.Copy !req
446. Should you be driving?Copy !req
447. - Oh, lighten up.
It was a rental.Copy !req
448. - Just promise me that you
will go back to wherever it isCopy !req
449. that yak-happy figments go,
once I get to—ahh!Copy !req
450. - New York!Copy !req
451. - We have reached Manhattan,
doc.Copy !req
452. - I'm coming for you,
pen-go-ins,Copy !req
453. and I have a surprise.Copy !req