1. - Cute and cuddly, boys.Copy !req
2. - Good heavens, Alice.Copy !req
3. What are you feeding
those penguins?Copy !req
4. - Ten fish a day.Copy !req
5. What? They're fine.Copy !req
6. - Look at them.
They are wasting away.Copy !req
7. I want their feed
up to 50 fish a day each.Copy !req
8. - Each?
That's not in the budget.Copy !req
9. - Well, I'm lunching
with the mayorCopy !req
10. right after this inspection.Copy !req
11. I'll get that fish money
if it's the last thing I do.Copy !req
12. Those poor penguins deserve it.Copy !req
13. - But, commissioner...Copy !req
14. - Well played, men,
especially you, Rico.Copy !req
15. That death rattle
really clinched it.Copy !req
16. - Aw, shucks.Copy !req
17. - Commissioner...
- Save it, Alice.Copy !req
18. I want those penguins
cute and cuddly,Copy !req
19. not skinny and sickly.Copy !req
20. Whew, there's
a bit of a bluster.Copy !req
21. - Whoa.Copy !req
22. - Whoa what?Copy !req
23. - Oh, just...Copy !req
24. it's important that we don't...Copy !req
25. lose our tops over this.Copy !req
26. - Too late, Alice.Copy !req
27. This top is already lost.Copy !req
28. - Yeah, I see that.Copy !req
29. What I'm saying is,
you don't want to...Copy !req
30. sweep it under the rug, eh?
- Sorry, Alice.Copy !req
31. The thought of those penguins
suffering,Copy !req
32. well, it just makes my hair
stand on end.Copy !req
33. - Good luck with that.Copy !req
34. - Uh, Maurice,
I don't want to rush youCopy !req
35. in the pre-squishing
of my sticky fruit, but...Copy !req
36. come on, man!Copy !req
37. I'm wasting away to nothingness
over here!Copy !req
38. - I'm squishing, I'm squishing.Copy !req
39. - Hairy flying hairpiece!Copy !req
40. - Bah! Eeeh!Copy !req
41. - Maurice, quickly,
beat the creature senselessCopy !req
42. before it causes me
to heave my royal cookies.Copy !req
43. - You want me
to beat up a toupee?Copy !req
44. - Wait, that's French
for "hairy creature?"Copy !req
45. Then, yes, this toupee
is "to pay"Copy !req
46. for giving me
the stomach queasies.Copy !req
47. - Beat it! Beat it!Copy !req
48. Beat it!Copy !req
49. - Eh, all right.Copy !req
50. Oh, no, no, you don't. - Yes!Copy !req
51. Go, Maurice,Copy !req
52. with your sizeable booty.Copy !req
53. Maurice? Are you... eh...Copy !req
54. how can I put this? Agh!Copy !req
55. The hair creature
is eating Maurice's brain!Copy !req
56. - I'll protect
the royal feet.Copy !req
57. - What?Copy !req
58. Oh.Copy !req
59. No, the toupee just landed
on my head is all.Copy !req
60. Look.Copy !req
61. Huh, the sticky fruit
must have—ugh!Copy !req
62. Stuck it to my head.Copy !req
63. - Mort, though Maurice's booty
is XL,Copy !req
64. his brain is a child's small.Copy !req
65. - Really?
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
66. He believes clouds
are made of—get this—Copy !req
67. water vapor.Copy !req
68. - And not cotton candy?Copy !req
69. - I know.
Ridiculous, right, right?Copy !req
70. Right?Copy !req
71. Anyway, his tiny brainCopy !req
72. won't satisfy the hair beast's
brain hunger for long.Copy !req
73. - I'm telling you,
it's not a beast.Copy !req
74. - Yeah? That's just
what you want us to believe,Copy !req
75. hairy hair monster!Copy !req
76. Help me to beat
the monster viciouslyCopy !req
77. before it turns on us.Copy !req
78. - Oh, can we use sticks?Copy !req
79. - What are you talking about?Copy !req
80. Of course we can use sticks.Copy !req
81. - Hi-ya!Copy !req
82. - Let's hear it again, Rico.Copy !req
83. - Ah, music to my ear holes.Copy !req
84. - Skipper, does something look
strange about the commissioner?Copy !req
85. - You may be right, Private.Copy !req
86. There is something different.Copy !req
87. He's lost weight, looks good.Copy !req
88. - Also, his overall appearance
is 11% shinier than usual.Copy !req
89. - Hey!Copy !req
90. - Rico's right.Copy !req
91. The commissioner... is bald.Copy !req
92. - Without his commanding
head of hair,Copy !req
93. he just doesn't seem
as authoritative.Copy !req
94. - His AWOL mop-top could
kibosh the whole fish deal.Copy !req
95. We've got to recover
the commissioner's wig ASAP.Copy !req
96. Roll out.Copy !req
97. - Wallop, Mort.Copy !req
98. Wallop like you've
never walloped before.Copy !req
99. - Ow! Hey! Knock it off! Ha!Copy !req
100. - Oh, brain or no brain,Copy !req
101. that had to hurt.
- Look!Copy !req
102. - Leave me alone, you crazies!Copy !req
103. Agh!Copy !req
104. - Aha, now, Mort,Copy !req
105. we shall give
this hairy hair beastCopy !req
106. the pummeling of a lifetime.Copy !req
107. - You do, and I'll beat you
like a big bass drum.Copy !req
108. Us baboons protect our own.Copy !req
109. - Say what?
- What now?Copy !req
110. - Got that right, girlfriend.Copy !req
111. - 'Bout time the zoo
dropped a man in this habitat.Copy !req
112. - Eh, you baboons are mistaken.Copy !req
113. Maurice is a lemur.Copy !req
114. - Well, ain't you a hard case.Copy !req
115. Of course he's a baboon.Copy !req
116. - Look at his tail.Copy !req
117. - His bright red butt cheeks.Copy !req
118. - And this luxurious
head of hair.Copy !req
119. I just want to run my fingers.Copy !req
120. - I'm a baboon!Copy !req
121. - Maurice, be stopping
this tomfooleryCopy !req
122. and let us get backCopy !req
123. to clubbing you
without the mercies.Copy !req
124. - Aw, are those two lemurs
giving you trouble, baby face?Copy !req
125. - Well, uh...
now that you mention it.Copy !req
126. - It's okay, sweetie.
- Just leave 'em to us.Copy !req
127. - Ah!Copy !req
128. - Oh, mango.Copy !req
129. - Oy, mate!
- Empty your pocket, marsupial.Copy !req
130. Cough up the commissioner's
hairpiece.Copy !req
131. - Why would anybodyCopy !req
132. wear a wallaby like that
on their bean anyway?Copy !req
133. He's not fooling no one.Copy !req
134. - I didn't do nothing,
I didn't see nothing.Copy !req
135. This speech
has not been rehearsed.Copy !req
136. - I didn't do nothing,
I didn't see nothing,Copy !req
137. and this speech
has not been rehearse-ed.Copy !req
138. - Now, sooner or later,
one of you is gonna talk.Copy !req
139. - Blaaaaaaaagh!Copy !req
140. - Okay, I didn't
understand that.Copy !req
141. But don't leave town.Copy !req
142. - How's that feel, darling?Copy !req
143. - I could use a little more
thumb work on the heel.Copy !req
144. - You got it, puddin' pie.Copy !req
145. - This is not good, Mort.Copy !req
146. - Yes, the brain-eating
hair monsterCopy !req
147. is still
eating Maurice's brain.Copy !req
148. - Oh, who cares about
the brain-eating hair monster?Copy !req
149. Why are you still talking about
the brain-eating hair monster?Copy !req
150. You're all like,
"blah blah blah,Copy !req
151. the brain-eating hair monster!"Copy !req
152. I'm done with the brain-eating
hair monster!Copy !req
153. You see, the real problem
is that MauriceCopy !req
154. is getting foot-pampering,
but I am not.Copy !req
155. - Oh, I see.Copy !req
156. Eh, you want me to—
- Ah, no, Mort.Copy !req
157. The king has a better,
less skin-crawly plan.Copy !req
158. - This is nice.Copy !req
159. - Least you deserve
after the wayCopy !req
160. them ornery lemurs treated you.Copy !req
161. - Yoo-hoo!
- Huh?Copy !req
162. - Delusional baboon
female ladies...Copy !req
163. behold...
truly awe-inspiring booty,Copy !req
164. one that all other booties
must be exceedingly jealous of.Copy !req
165. - What in gibbon's grave
is that?Copy !req
166. - Looks like one of those
stuck-on, stupid lemursCopy !req
167. is trying to pass himself off
as a baboon.Copy !req
168. - I'm the hair.
- Stifle.Copy !req
169. - Isn't there
some kind of, I don't know,Copy !req
170. punishment for that?Copy !req
171. - Not yet.Copy !req
172. But there's gonna be.Copy !req
173. - Now, be thorough, men.Copy !req
174. Ask yourselves, "If I were
a man's hair accessory,Copy !req
175. where would I hide?"Copy !req
176. - Ugh...Copy !req
177. - What's happened to you two?Copy !req
178. - It looks like you've been
run over by a cargo train,Copy !req
179. propped back up,
then run over by a second,Copy !req
180. larger cargo train.Copy !req
181. - That sounds
like a day at the beachesCopy !req
182. after the baboon lady violence.Copy !req
183. - I was a brain-eating
hair monster.Copy !req
184. - Hair monster?
- Yeah, long story.Copy !req
185. - Well, let's hear it,Copy !req
186. and give us
all the hairy details.Copy !req
187. - Now, just where
do you think you're going?Copy !req
188. - We're here for the hair,
toots.Copy !req
189. Now, Maurice, you know
you're not authorizedCopy !req
190. to wear the commissioner's
skull warmer.Copy !req
191. - You want us to show them
the exit, sweet cheeks?Copy !req
192. It's almost time
for your mani-pedi.Copy !req
193. - Uh, just give us a minute,
will you?Copy !req
194. Look, you take my hair,
I lose all of this,Copy !req
195. the peeled fruit,
the toe massages,Copy !req
196. the whole gig, man!Copy !req
197. - I hear your plight,
my friend.Copy !req
198. I sympathize. I surely do.Copy !req
199. But I want my 50 fish.Copy !req
200. Rico, flip and rip.Copy !req
201. - Aaaaah!Copy !req
202. - Evac!Copy !req
203. - Alice, great inspection.Copy !req
204. Not a hair out of place,Copy !req
205. except, of course,
for the penguin issues.Copy !req
206. - Mr. Commissioner,
before you go,Copy !req
207. I need to tell you something.Copy !req
208. - Well, make it fast.Copy !req
209. If lunch isn't on the table
at 12:00 sharp,Copy !req
210. the mayor flips his wig.Copy !req
211. - Kowalski, how much time
do we have?Copy !req
212. - Factoring in all the various
factors and variables,Copy !req
213. I would guess 55 seconds,Copy !req
214. give or take 5 seconds,Copy !req
215. and after that needlessly
wordy guestimate,Copy !req
216. I'd say... take.Copy !req
217. - We'll never make it.Copy !req
218. - Men, initiate
operation throw rug.Copy !req
219. - Well, you see...Copy !req
220. how to say this without
crushing your ego...Copy !req
221. - Don't split hairs, Alice.Copy !req
222. Just come out and say it.Copy !req
223. - Drop this over the target.Copy !req
224. - Okay, but how am I supposed
to get there?Copy !req
225. This line's an uphill climb.Copy !req
226. - Oh, dear.Copy !req
227. - Oh, heck, I'm just—Copy !req
228. I'm just gonna come right out
and say it.Copy !req
229. Mr. Commissioner...Copy !req
230. you... have a yummy lunch!Copy !req
231. - Why, thank you, Alice.Copy !req
232. Boy, she wigs out easily.Copy !req
233. - Heh...Copy !req
234. - Job well done, men.Copy !req
235. On my signal,Copy !req
236. a well-deserved
collective sigh.Copy !req
237. - Ooh!Copy !req
238. - Look on the brighty side,
Maurice.Copy !req
239. Now you can go back
to serving me.Copy !req
240. Ah, the violence-prone
baboon ladies!Copy !req
241. - Oh, relax. We decidedCopy !req
242. that it's not important
how red your behind isCopy !req
243. or how high your hair is.Copy !req
244. It's what's on the inside
that counts.Copy !req
245. - Finally.Copy !req
246. Now, take note.Copy !req
247. I would prefer my toes
to be rubbedCopy !req
248. in sort of a circular,
rolling motion.Copy !req
249. - No, we don't want you.Copy !req
250. We want him.Copy !req
251. Come here, you adorable thing.Copy !req
252. - Wee-hee-hee!Copy !req
253. - And another few feet
and here!Copy !req
254. We are now directly below
the Danish Embassy.Copy !req
255. - We tunnel up,
swipe my files,Copy !req
256. and set the Danes back
a cool decadeCopy !req
257. in counter-intelligence.Copy !req
258. Rico, do the honors.Copy !req
259. - Skipper.
- I see it, Private.Copy !req
260. Kowalski, why is there
no Danish EmbassyCopy !req
261. in the Danish Embassy?Copy !req
262. - I don't want to leap
to hasty conclusions,Copy !req
263. but it's possible
I may have misread this map.Copy !req
264. - Yeah, "may."Copy !req
265. Alice incoming.
Bug out, boys.Copy !req
266. - I think we should wait
until all the facts are in.Copy !req
267. - Why do these things
keep happening?Copy !req
268. Oh, well. Better call Gus.Copy !req
269. - And... there.
Smooth as Siberian snow.Copy !req
270. - Great work, Gus.Copy !req
271. Ooh, new water fountain?Copy !req
272. You always go that extra mile.Copy !req
273. - Alice, there is only
one way to do job.Copy !req
274. The right way.Copy !req
275. - Yeah, you've mentioned that
a time or two.Copy !req
276. - Ooh, city water.Copy !req
277. Refreshing.Copy !req
278. Ugh!Copy !req
279. Ugh! Oh!Copy !req
280. Oh! Ooh!Copy !req
281. - An ostrich with
its head in the ground?Copy !req
282. Cliche much?Copy !req
283. - Help!Copy !req
284. Whoa, whoa, wait. For real?Copy !req
285. I'll get help.
All right, stay here.Copy !req
286. Not that you have a choice.Copy !req
287. You know, I mean, you know...Copy !req
288. okay, I—good, I'm going.Copy !req
289. - An ostrich with its head
in the ground?Copy !req
290. - Cliche much?
- I know, right?Copy !req
291. Okay, Shelly,
the penguins can fix this.Copy !req
292. Do not panic.Copy !req
293. - Hello.Copy !req
294. Mm, here, here,Copy !req
295. and here, here, here, and...Copy !req
296. 'scuse me—here.Copy !req
297. - I take it back. Panic!Copy !req
298. - Help! Help!Copy !req
299. - Skipper, he's gonna
blow her to bits.Copy !req
300. - No, Marlene,
but he will blow your mind.Copy !req
301. - Rico's an artiste
with explosives.Copy !req
302. - Rock and roll.
- No!Copy !req
303. - See?Copy !req
304. Free advice,
fellow flightless bird,Copy !req
305. watch where you stick
that noggin.Copy !req
306. Slide out, boys.Copy !req
307. - Wow, that Douglas
is quite a man.Copy !req
308. - Douglas? You mean Rico?Copy !req
309. - Rico! Oh, Rico, Rico!Copy !req
310. Why did you think
his name was Douglas?Copy !req
311. - No—I didn't—you're the—
- Oh, you're right, Marlene.Copy !req
312. There's no chance
a dashing, brave,Copy !req
313. and regurgitating penguin
like RicoCopy !req
314. would ever go for a gawky,
gangly girl like me.Copy !req
315. - Say what?
- I said—Copy !req
316. - No, no, okay, I heard you.Copy !req
317. I just—you like Rico?Copy !req
318. Well, yeah.Copy !req
319. You know what?Copy !req
320. I can kind of see it.Copy !req
321. Listen, all you need to do
is find an appropriate wayCopy !req
322. to tell Rico how you feel.Copy !req
323. - Appropriate?
Oh, I can do that.Copy !req
324. - Is that... chewing gum?Copy !req
325. Second verse!Copy !req
326. Uh... Rico? Hello?Copy !req
327. - W-w-wow.Copy !req
328. - Well, this is, um...Copy !req
329. - Awkward, Private.
It's awkward.Copy !req
330. There's no other word for it.Copy !req
331. Awk-ward.Copy !req
332. - Why did you do it, Marlene?Copy !req
333. Why did you fill
that daffy bird's headCopy !req
334. with the absurd notion that
she and Rico could be an item?Copy !req
335. - Now, what makes you think
it was me?Copy !req
336. Plus, they would make
a very cute couple. Come on.Copy !req
337. - No chance!Copy !req
338. Rico's heart
belongs to another.Copy !req
339. - Wait, the plastic doll?Copy !req
340. Skipper, that's crazy.Copy !req
341. - Marlene, we're talking
about Rico.Copy !req
342. Crazy is just the top layer
of that parfait.Copy !req
343. - Doll?Copy !req
344. - It's true.Copy !req
345. He loves... a doll,Copy !req
346. which is totally insane,Copy !req
347. because he should love me!Copy !req
348. My little dolly!Copy !req
349. - She must be here somewhere.Copy !req
350. - Science tells us
inanimate dollsCopy !req
351. don't just get up
and walk away.Copy !req
352. - Unless they've been possessedCopy !req
353. by some sort
of voodoo zombie curse.Copy !req
354. - Oh, no!Copy !req
355. - What? This stuff happens.Copy !req
356. Big ugly world out there.Copy !req
357. - Yeah, or maybe
someone stole it.Copy !req
358. - Until we find your dolly,Copy !req
359. you can cuddle with my unicorn.Copy !req
360. - Look, Rico and I
are meant to be together.Copy !req
361. You understand.Copy !req
362. Okay, yeah, you're right.Copy !req
363. I don't have your blond hair,Copy !req
364. short neck, and perky smile,Copy !req
365. but you know what I do have?Copy !req
366. Funny jokes.Copy !req
367. Knock-knock.Copy !req
368. You say, "who's there?"Copy !req
369. Any time.Copy !req
370. Well, fine,Copy !req
371. miss high-and-manufactured-
out-of-shiny-plastic!Copy !req
372. Goodbye!Copy !req
373. I—I just can't do it.
It's just wrong!Copy !req
374. Always recycle.Copy !req
375. Ah!Copy !req
376. - Oh, hey, Rico. What's up?
Lost your girl doll?Copy !req
377. Now you're looking for her?
Here, let me help.Copy !req
378. Nope, not in there.Copy !req
379. So she'll probably never, ever
come back, but, hey,Copy !req
380. if you're in the market
for a rebound relationship,Copy !req
381. I know a certain somebody
who can help you out.Copy !req
382. it's me.Copy !req
383. - Eeh... heh.Copy !req
384. Um...Copy !req
385. oh, where are you?Copy !req
386. Aw, why, why, baby?
- Rico!Copy !req
387. How amazing is it that
I totally just ran into youCopy !req
388. and wasn't at all
watching your every—ugh!Copy !req
389. Hey!
- Wow.Copy !req
390. I seem to have inadvertentlyCopy !req
391. trapped you in a cage
for which I have no key.Copy !req
392. Ah, well.Copy !req
393. Perfect opportunity to get
to know each other, so...Copy !req
394. I like petunias, soft rain,Copy !req
395. and caged animal fury.Copy !req
396. What do you like, Rico?Copy !req
397. Hey! How's it going?Copy !req
398. Sorry about
that earlier attitude.Copy !req
399. I apologize.Copy !req
400. In fact,
I'd like to be friends.Copy !req
401. What do you think of that?Copy !req
402. Oh, great!Copy !req
403. So, Rico, he's so focused.Copy !req
404. Any tips on getting
his attention?Copy !req
405. What, you think
he's focused on you?Copy !req
406. Ha! Ha-ha!Copy !req
407. That is totally...Copy !req
408. true.Copy !req
409. - Guys, you've already
searched here, six times.Copy !req
410. - Rico, look, I know how much
you care for your doll,Copy !req
411. but she's, well—Copy !req
412. I'm just gonna come out
and say it.Copy !req
413. She's a toy.Copy !req
414. - Oh! No, you—
- Sh-sh-shh!Copy !req
415. - Why you—Copy !req
416. - Shelly, on the other hand,
is a real girl.Copy !req
417. Rico, she can walk,
she can talk, and...Copy !req
418. okay, granted, a few weird
notions about courtship,Copy !req
419. but let's be honest here,
weird's your thing.Copy !req
420. - Ooh, that's true.Copy !req
421. - She really likes you, Rico.Copy !req
422. Isn't a real girl better
than plastic Miss Perky?Copy !req
423. - Rico, I took your doll
and I threw her in the trash.Copy !req
424. But then I moved her
to the recycling,Copy !req
425. 'cause I am going green,Copy !req
426. but it didn't matter anyway
because you like her betterCopy !req
427. than you like me,
and I see that now!Copy !req
428. - Okay, I retract
everything I just said.Copy !req
429. - Huh! I would have betCopy !req
430. Private's community
college fundCopy !req
431. on a voodoo zombie curse.Copy !req
432. - Yeah, so, in hindsight,Copy !req
433. I probably should have taken
the doll out of the dumpsterCopy !req
434. before I came to you.Copy !req
435. - Look, the truck!Copy !req
436. - It's no use.
Can't keep up.Copy !req
437. Should've hit the gym
more often.Copy !req
438. - The land speed of an ostrich
is 50 miles an hour.Copy !req
439. On my back!Copy !req
440. Whoo!Copy !req
441. - Oof!Copy !req
442. - Ah!Copy !req
443. - I can't watch.Copy !req
444. - Me either! Agh!Copy !req
445. - Oh, baby.Copy !req
446. Oh!Copy !req
447. - Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
448. I can't believe
how handsome you look.Copy !req
449. - Really, you just get more
adorable with every glance.Copy !req
450. - Um...Copy !req
451. - Oh, hey, Rico.Copy !req
452. Have you met my new boy toy?Copy !req
453. His name is Crusher,
which is appropriate,Copy !req
454. because I am doing more than
a little crushing on him.Copy !req
455. - Cuckoo, cuckoo!Copy !req
456. Hey, you gonna eat that?Copy !req