The Penguins of Madagascar 2x16

1. - Cute and cuddly, boys.

2. - Ah.

3. A brand-new baby day is born,

4. freshly spanked, full of promise, adventure,

5. and the hope of inflicting pain.

6. - Yay! Pain!

7. - Good morning, baby day.

8. - Ugh, but, Skipper,

9. why do we have to start so early?

10. Wouldn't the promise and hope still be there

11. if we waited until sunup to exercise?

12. - Maybe, Kowalski, but why take the chance?

13. All right, gentlemen, toe-touches.

14. Remember not to bend your knees.

15. - Have we got knees?

16. - Oh, Carlotta.

17. I like the way you touch my feet.

18. - Oh, hey!

19. Maurice, I am not adequately sleeped.

20. Hit the sun's snooze button.

21. Maurice, I am decreeing.

22. Maurice!

23. Why are you not... here?

24. - I'm here.

25. - Whoa!

26. - Maurice!

27. Hello!

28. Maurice!

29. - He was my right-hand man.

30. And now my right hand is left...

31. manless.

32. There he is.

33. Come, Mort.

34. I shall give Maurice's tongue a lashing.

35. - Okay, listen up.

36. Here's how it'll go down.

37. - Uh, what is Maurice doing?

38. - Now, we got to keep this on the hush-hush.

39. - Gotcha.

40. - Not a word to Julien.

41. We don't want him to see this coming.

42. - Okay.

43. - Trust me, this'll knock him right off his throne.

44. - Yeah.

45. - All right, baby!

46. - Yeah, we're gonna blow King Julien away.

47. I have been a good king, have I not, Mort?

48. - Well, I could use more foot time.

49. You are the best king ever.

50. - So why would Maurice be savagely plotting

51. to knock me off and blow me away?

52. - Maybe he's planning a surprise party for you.

53. - Mort, is it my birthday?

54. Is it King Julien day?

55. Is it Julianuary?

56. - No.

57. And no.

58. And, um...

59. maybe.

60. - So Maurice could not be planning

61. a surprise party for me, could he?

62. No, the real surprise is,

63. Maurice wants to put me six feet under.

64. - Ooh-hoo-hoo!

65. I'd like to be under six feet.

66. - This fiendish plot will be foiled,

67. maybe plastic wrapped too.

68. Mort,

69. we must train for battle!

70. - Cadet no-class Mort!

71. Are the coconuts ready?

72. - Yes, generalissimo King Julien!

73. - Ready,

74. aim,

75. throw the coconuts.

76. Stinky, Maurice.

77. You are stinky!

78. You make my nose cry with your stinky stink!

79. - Ha-ha!

80. Take that, traitor!

81. How are you liking me now?

82. - Whoops.

83. It was a good throw, though.

84. - Sit-ups, 50 reps.

85. Ready, and...

86. Sad eyes, what gives?

87. - I think I'm a coconut.

88. - Mort, you dud.

89. You made me miss.

90. - Oh, sorry, sorry, generalissimo King Julien!

91. - Whoa, whoa!

92. Ho! Wait a minute.

93. Generalissimo?

94. - That's right, baby.

95. Check me out.

96. I too am a military guy.

97. - You are a disgrace to the uniform,

98. even that uniform.

99. - Which is a disgrace unto itself.

100. - Why do you even need a uniform?

101. - Because Maurice has turned traitor,

102. and he's getting the whole zoo entanglified too.

103. He's forming a violent mob!

104. Kings and violent mobs are natural enemies in the wild.

105. - But that doesn't make sense.

106. Maurice is incredibly devoted to you.

107. - Beyond reason or merit.

108. - All right, ringtail,

109. we'll look into this cockamamy conspiracy of yours.

110. - Okay. This is good.

111. Uh...

112. can I have my generalissimo hat back?

113. - No.

114. - Violent mob.

115. If there was such a thing, I would have started it.

116. - Everybody get a pitchfork and a torch.

117. And remember, not a peep to King Julien.

118. This is gonna slay him.

119. - Sweet civil unrest! Ringtail was right.

120. - But, Skipper, don't you think

121. there might be some other innocent explanation?

122. - Do the math, Private.

123. - Pitchforks plus torches plus mob

124. invariably equals...

125. - Revolution!

126. So now you are seeing the plotting,

127. seeing the scheming.

128. You're seeing the rousing of the rabbles.

129. - I still have a hard time believing

130. Maurice could turn traitor.

131. - In a twisted way, it makes sense.

132. You see, for a mammal,

133. Maurice is extraordinarily intelligent.

134. - Uh, you might want to wait a while

135. before you go back in there.

136. - Meanwhile, Julien is extraordinarily not.

137. - Stop staring at me, buddy.

138. You better step off.

139. - Um, Julien, that's a stuffed fish.

140. - Ooh! Burn!

141. He got you good. Admit it.

142. - This red line shows the frustration level

143. of a really smart person forced to take orders

144. from some dunder-brained boob.

145. As you can see, the frustration

146. just keeps rising and rising and rising.

147. I mean, why don't they put the smart guy in charge, huh?

148. It doesn't make any sense!

149. Something has got to give, people!

150. Am I the only one seeing this?

151. - Great. Love the passion.

152. Message went right over me.

153. - Yeah, yeah.

154. Someday there will be genius justice.

155. - So what do we do, Skipper?

156. - Nothing.

157. I have my royal defense force to protect me.

158. Mort?

159. Ya! - Ooph!

160. - I smell fishies!

161. - Yeah, that's not gonna work.

162. - Now, it's no secret that I don't care for ringtail.

163. - Likewise, penguin dude.

164. - But we can't stand by

165. while an angry mob shreds him to pieces.

166. - Sweetness.

167. Set my alarm for when my enemies have been crushed.

168. - Negative!

169. You're gonna fully participate

170. in this joint penguin-lemur operation.

171. But, Skipper, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

172. - Don't worry about that, ringtail.

173. Basic training will kick the love right out of you.

174. - You keep dreaming.

175. One.

176. Two.

177. - Let me hear it, soldiers.

178. this is my peashooter.

179. There are many like it,

180. but this one is mine.

181. - Mm!

182. Nummy peas!

183. - 10.

184. 11.

185. 18.

186. 19.

187. - 20!

188. - Okay.

189. So maybe we don't put them on the front lines.

190. - Men, as you know,

191. the best defense is a good offense.

192. - And no one is more offensive than you.

193. You are so snapped!

194. Please continue.

195. - We'll strike before Maurice's little coup gets too cuckoo.

196. Gentlemen, operation "we're really helping Julien,

197. really?" Is a go.

198. - So, um, where is the king?

199. - I am dying to spring this surprise, already.

200. - I don't know where he is.

201. But he should be here soon.

202. - Oh, I already am!

203. Surprised? Traitorous traitors!

204. - Rico, drop the not-so-smart bomb.

205. - Hey! Get it off!

206. Get it off! Get it off!

207. - This is not going to end well.

208. - Ooph!

209. - Okay, boys, let's get in the game.

210. - Ow!

211. - This will teach you to be a traitorous snake.

212. - Wait! Wait!

213. What?

214. - Everybody, knock it off!

215. What do you mean, "traitorous?"

216. - Oh, don't play dummy with me.

217. I know what you are planning here, Maurice.

218. - You do?

219. Oh, man.

220. Who blabbed about the surprise party?

221. - Yes, I know all about your—wait.

222. Traitor say what?

223. Oh.

224. Oops.

225. - Surprise party?

226. For who? - You.

227. Remember what you said on your birthday

228. when I threw you that big old surprise party?

229. - Well, of course I'm not surprised, Maurice.

230. It's my birthday.

231. You know when it might be a surprise?

232. When it's not my birthday!

233. - Surprise!

234. Was he surprised?

235. - Uh... oh, yeah.

236. I forgot about that.

237. - I tried to tell you.

238. - But wait a minute.

239. Why all the pitchforks and torches?

240. - Hey. Yeah, Maurice.

241. How do you explain

242. these traditional angry mob trappings?

243. - Remember what you said

244. right after the last thing you forgot you said?

245. - Wait.

246. After that last thing I just said?

247. Or—hang on. Let me see.

248. And give the party a crazy mash-up theme,

249. like, uh... I don't know.

250. Uh, Hillbilly meets tiki or something.

251. Oh, yeah.

252. Forgot about that too.

253. - So this is all completely innocent after all?

254. Yay for innocence!

255. But wait. Why weren't we invited?

256. - Remember what you said

257. right after he said what he said?

258. - Say, when you get around to having

259. this hillbilly tiki mash-up surprise party,

260. do not invite us!

261. Ah, yes.

262. I remember that.

263. Come on, men, we're bugging out.

264. - Wait! Don't go.

265. If there's someone I would want

266. at my not birthday hillbilly tiki surprise party, it is you,

267. the penguin who taught me what it means to be an officer

268. and a gentleman.

269. - Oh, ringtail,

270. when you put it that way, I can only say,

271. drop and give me 20, soldier!

272. - Yes, sir.

273. Mort!

274. - One and two...

275. and three and four.

276. - Okay, we've seen the rhino,

277. the otter, and the penguins.

278. - Hey, you know, wasn't there

279. something weird about those penguins?

280. - What do you mean?

281. - Like...

282. were they doing Tae Kwon Do?

283. - He knows too much.

284. Take your shot.

285. - What?

286. That's crazy talk. - Yeah.

287. I guess you're right.

288. - Abort!

289. - Oh!

290. - Ooh.

291. I've always wanted to dabble in the visual arts.

292. - Um, let's bug out.

293. What happened?

294. I'm okay.

295. I'm okay.

296. - Very interesting painting. - Ooh!

297. - Have you ever seen such talent?

298. - I'd pay top dollar to have that hanging in my loft.

299. - I've done it!

300. I've just designed a pocket hyperbolic quantum accelerator

301. that will save civilization.

302. - Well, that earns a big "attaboy."

303. - Gosh!

304. - There is, however, a 50% chance

305. the pocket hyperbolic quantum accelerator

306. could actually destroy civilization.

307. - I see one major problem with your invention, Kowalski.

308. We don't have pockets.

309. - Skipper,

310. couldn't the 50% chance of worldwide destruction

311. be a problem too?

312. - Hmm.

313. Private may be on to something.

314. Rico, what do you think?

315. - Uh-uh.

316. - That was my new calculator.

317. Gone.

318. Back to this, I guess.

319. - Rico, destroy the right device this time.

320. Ooh, maybe destroy them all, just to be sure.

321. - Okay.

322. - Wait!

323. There is no device to destroy.

324. I haven't built it yet.

325. It's just a plan,

326. a very big plan.

327. - Oh, that's different.

328. Plans aren't dangerous.

329. - Oh, man.

330. - Unless they fall into the wrong hands.

331. - Ooh!

332. - No!

333. I have wasted the best years

334. of my lonely, lonely life on these plans.

335. I won't let you destroy them.

336. Stay close to papa.

337. - Postcard reproductions are for sale

338. in the Zoovenir shop.

339. Shh! The artiste approaches.

340. - Hmm.

341. - Black line right here.

342. Ooh!

343. - Another one right there.

344. Ah!

345. - Um...

346. a squiggle there.

347. Ooh!

348. - Kowalski, I don't relish global Armageddon...

349. except for the part with

350. the mutant vampire motorcycle gangs

351. that rule the vast wastelands.

352. Looking forward to throwing down with those boys.

353. - Skipper.

354. - But on the other hand, I look at that scribble,

355. and it's just so much gobbledy-gook.

356. - Life's work, Skipper.

357. - Anyway, save it or shred it.

358. You make the call.

359. - Should I destroy my greatest creation

360. and deprive civilization of something wonderful

361. or keep it and risk total global annihilation?

362. - I've never seen him so conflicted.

363. - Yesterday at the snow cone booth?

364. - Should I indulge myself with the luscious

365. but familiar flavors of a blueberry bubblegum,

366. or do I venture into the high risk,

367. high reward of honeydew lemon?

368. - Oh, yes. It was as if time froze—

369. well, more like Kowalski froze, and time kept going

370. and going.

371. - What's the ruckus?

372. - Chuck Charles here, live at the Central Park Zoo

373. with the art world's latest sensation,

374. a pachyderm with a penchant for painting.

375. Arriving on the scene now is famed art critic

376. Bella Bon Bueno.

377. Tell us, Bella,

378. is Burt the elephant the next Andy Warhol?

379. - The panda was a hack.

380. - Gentlemen, you are right.

381. If these plans were to fall into the wrong hands,

382. civilization itself would come to an end.

383. Therefore, they must be destroyed.

384. - Good move, Kowalski.

385. It's nice to see you siding with civilization.

386. - Pursue those plans.

387. Ooph.

388. Huh?

389. No, no, no.

390. Aw.

391. - This does not bode well

392. for the Abstract Animal Art Movement.

393. Critics, what do they know?

394. But this one.

395. The elephant is going in a bold new direction.

396. Genius.

397. This must go straight to the museum

398. for all the world to savor!

399. - But that wasn't even mine.

400. - Oh, nuts.

401. - This must go straight to the museum

402. for all the world to savor!

403. - On the bright side, Kowalski,

404. your work's the toast of the art scene.

405. - Sure, the perfect symmetry of my equation

406. may look like a harmless abstract,

407. but any evil genius with a Vandyke will see the truth.

408. Let me illustrate.

409. I am an evil genius visiting the museum.

410. - Hello, there.

411. I'm visiting the museum too.

412. Can you help me find a rainbow painting?

413. - Private,

414. stay on message.

415. - As I was saying,

416. I'm an evil genius visiting the museum.

417. I wish I had a pocket hyperbolic quantum accelerator

418. I could use to destroy the world.

419. Hello.

420. - That diagram must never see the light

421. of track lighting.

422. - Good news, artsy elephant.

423. I have decided to allow you to capture my royal regalness.

424. - Do what, now?

425. - He wants you to paint him.

426. - Really?

427. You sure?

428. - Yes.

429. Paint me.

430. - Okay.

431. Not me, me, the canvas.

432. I want you to put me on the canvas.

433. - Oh, right.

434. - Not like—

435. - Hey, that's actually pretty good.

436. - Gosh, you really think so?

437. - Uh, yes.

438. In fact, I wouldn't mind having multiple copies of that,

439. you know, to give as gifts.

440. - Hey, no problem.

441. - No, wait!

442. - Can I get one in blue?

443. - Absolutely.

444. - One child ticket, please.

445. - How old are you?

446. - One senior ticket, please.

447. - Uh, okay, funny guy, let's go.

448. Huh?

449. - Ventilation shaft? Really, Kowalski?

450. Seems a tad cliche.

451. - Ah, cliche,

452. French for "I don't hear anyone else

453. coming up with anything."

454. - Hold your ground, men.

455. - I can't!

456. - That would be the shiny smooth metal—

457. - Hey, Kowalski,

458. what's French for "this ain't happening"?

459. - Touché.

460. - What?

461. A Trojan horse?

462. Art.

463. I don't get it.

464. - It worked?

465. - But isn't this a cliche too?

466. - Nah, it's a classic.

467. - Why is that?

468. - Because it was my idea.

469. - Now.

470. All right.

471. Operation paint remover is a go.

472. Situation?

473. - If my self-educated guess is correct,

474. the diagram should be in the next room.

475. - Not so fast, Private.

476. - Alarm lasers!

477. - Just as I suspected.

478. Kowalski, options.

479. - How do you feel about disco?

480. - Ambivalent.

481. Why?

482. - Hit it.

483. - On the beat, Rico.

484. Okay, time to shred this puppy.

485. - I can't let you do that.

486. Look.

487. Its subtle symmetry of form

488. makes it a truly unique piece of art.

489. It would be a crime to destroy it.

490. - It is rather subtle in a—

491. you know, unique, symmetry-ish way.

492. - Yep.

493. - Maybe.

494. But we just can't leave it here,

495. where any odd wandering mad scientist with a Vandyke

496. could discover it.

497. - Ooh!

498. Ta-da!

499. - Ah!

500. Without that plus sign,

501. it makes no sense as a schematic,

502. though I question the Loonicorn.

503. - I like it.

504. - We're here for the unveiling

505. of the museum's latest acquisition,

506. the first ever created by a nonhuman.

507. And now world-famous art critic Bella Bon Bueno

508. will do the honors.

509. - Ah, mais non.

510. This is not right.

511. Something is different.

512. Rip!

513. Amateurish forgery!

514. - Amateurish?

515. - Critics can be so cruel.

516. - Buck up, soldier.

517. You may not be recognized as a great artist,

518. but you are a darn good inventor

519. of devices that can save the world.

520. - With only a 50% chance of destroying it.

521. - There.

522. They said my work would never hang in the museum.

523. - Art.

524. I still don't get it.