The Orville 3x10

1. Good morning, Isaac.

2. Good morning.

3. Do you have an update on the array?

4. The trans-focal scanner array is online

5. and undergoing final collimation.

6. Commander Lamarr and I will have a full report for you

7. in approximately 26 hours.

8. Well, make it 28 at least. We'll be on Listak Two tomorrow morning.

9. I would be most interested to observe the ceremony.

10. Are we all invited to attend?

11. Yes.

12. The presence of friends and relatives is as important for the Renewal

13. as it is for a Ja'loja.

14. How long does this usually take? I mean like, what's the gist?

15. When we arrive on the planet's surface, Klyden and I will disrobe.

16. Once we are fully bare, thus unified with our natural surroundings,

17. as we were at birth, Klyden will flee into the forest.

18. Shortly after, I will follow in pursuit.

19. If I catch him, we will share the Sexual Event there among the trees.

20. Our mating vows are thus formally renewed

21. and sanctified in the eyes of Moclan tradition.

22. I dare all of you not to cry.

23. Bortus, don't listen to him. I think it's beautiful.

24. Thank you, Commander.

25. Wait, I do have one question.

26. If you both ultimately want to be back together,

27. why wouldn't he just let you catch him?

28. If the pursuit is dishonest, the mating is seen as false.

29. Such a tactic has been known

30. to negatively affect the bonding for years afterward.

31. Klyden will attempt to escape. I must take him.

32. In the absence of an ordained Moclan Officiant,

33. I have been asked to perform the Commencement Rite of the Kazh'gahl:

34. the Renewal of Mating Vows.

35. Ah'narok Eldosh Macah.

36. The Two will enter and return as One.

37. We, the witnesses, will attest to the purity of the chase.

38. Ja'vok Uvet!

39. Ja'vok...

40. Uvosh!

41. Ja'vok...

42. Uvosh!

43. Ja'vok...

44. Manaka...

45. The Kazh'gahl has been sanctified.

46. We are mates.

47. We'll be sending Cmdr. Keyali the contact code,

48. as well as a target window for communication with the science team.

49. They'll give you the supply delivery coordinates.

50. I hope they're faring better than their predecessors.

51. Might I recommend you not send Commander Lamarr this time?

52. Trust me, sir, he does not want to see Sargas Four again as long as he lives.

53. I would imagine.

54. Keep me posted.

55. Halsey out.

56. Mercer to bridge. Bridge here.

57. Set course for Sargas Four.

58. Aye, sir.

59. Please state request.

60. Display all available data

61. regarding the various cultural traditions associated with...

62. bonding.

63. Narrow parameters, and confine search to customs found throughout Earth history.

64. She's easily my most high-maintenance patient.

65. I think people like her forget that we're not all-powerful fortune-tellers.

66. We're just doctors.

67. Well, it's your own fault, your bedside manner's too good.

68. - Well, maybe I need to frown more. - Yeah.

69. Hello, Claire.

70. Isaac. This is a nice surprise.

71. Come, sit down.

72. Perhaps shortly.

73. I have a very important inquiry for you.

74. What is it?

75. Will you marry me?

76. Isaac, where in God's name did that come from?

77. And why would you do it in front of half the ship?

78. Cmdr. Bortus's mating ritual prompted me

79. to research the matrimonial practices of other worlds.

80. By calculating courtship duration averages for biological life forms,

81. cross-referenced with your current age,

82. I have determined that this is an appropriate time

83. for us to formalize our coupling.

84. What does my "current age" have to do with anything?

85. Throughout human history, most have found it desirable

86. to marry prior to the onset of physical deterioration.

87. Well, I'm glad I haven't spoiled.

88. Isaac, people can and do get married at any time in their lives.

89. But the more important question is, why did you want to get married?

90. As I have stated, my calculations—

91. Eh-eh! Never mind your calculations. I...

92. Isaac...

93. have you ever stopped to think about the practical challenges

94. that time will impose on us?

95. Please clarify.

96. You won't age.

97. I will.

98. Someday I'll be gone, and you'll still be here, unchanged.

99. I mean, how do you fee—

100. What do you think about that?

101. Given the abstract choice between your continued existence

102. and your death, the former is preferable.

103. Well, that's very sweet of you to say.

104. But my death is an inevitable human reality.

105. What will you do then?

106. Perhaps I will select a new companion.

107. Oh, for god's sake.

108. And, of course, I will continue to monitor

109. the well-being of your offspring.

110. Ty and Marcus...?

111. Yes. As well as your many descendants.

112. It will be intriguing to observe the anthropological evolution

113. of the Finn lineage over the eons of time.

114. You'd...

115. look after all of them?

116. That is correct.

117. I never even wanted to get married again.

118. I was so happy just having my kids.

119. So why didn't you just tell him no? I mean it's not like you're gonna hurt his feelings.

120. I don't know.

121. I mean, the fact that he had the idea...

122. it's so sweet.

123. Would you get married again?

124. Maybe.

125. But we'd both have to be all in.

126. Ed and I got to the point where it felt like we were both

127. visiting the marriage instead of being full partners in it,

128. and... I couldn't do that again.

129. Maybe we were too young, I dunno.

130. Here's the wild card:

131. If any of my other friends were thinking of marriage,

132. I would give 'em this heads up:

133. the man you marry and the man you make your life with

134. are two different people.

135. But with Isaac... that all goes out the window.

136. He said he'd look after my descendants.

137. I mean, what can a person even say to that?

138. It's the most beautiful sentiment I've ever heard of.

139. Well... you love him, don't you?

140. I do.

141. Very much.

142. Well, okay, let's game this out. Pros and cons.

143. Okay.

144. my great-grandchildren will be taken care of.

145. Big pro. For sure.

146. And if he commits to this, he'll commit, he will never leave me.

147. - Should that go on the con side? - Possibly, yeah.

148. Ooh, he's great in an emergency.

149. There you go. Smart guy. Dependable.

150. Selayan-level strength.

151. Doesn't argue.

152. Look at this, we're on a roll. Shit. I wanna marry this guy.

153. No emotions.

154. I don't know how to answer that one.

155. What we experienced that day in the simulator...

156. I know he loves me too.

157. He just...

158. doesn't have the machinery to express it like we do.

159. But then again, so what?

160. Wouldn't we all be happier if we just accepted people for what they are

161. instead of being disappointed with them for what they're not?

162. Come in.

163. You're busy, I can come back.

164. - No! Wait! - Captain, come back! - Come here!

165. You're the one sober person in the room.

166. What's going on?

167. We're trying to help Claire make a decision.

168. I'm trying to decide... whether to say yes to Isaac.

169. So it's not just a rumor.

170. No, it's not.

171. Yeah, I don't know if I'm the best person to consult in this area.

172. I agree, but we still wanna know what you think.

173. I guess, how about...

174. asking your kids if they think you should do it?

175. Hmm.

176. You've been useful, sober man. You may go now.

177. Course update?

178. Two point eight light-years to Sargas Four.

179. About 12 minutes out.

180. Y'know, I really wish they'd let us play music up here.

181. It'd make these long trips go by a lot faster.

182. It's against regulations.

183. Yeah, I never understood that.

184. They just don't want us having a dance party when a proximity alert goes off.

185. See, that's a dumb reason, because we'd already be on our feet, ready for action.

186. Captain, I'm receiving a message from Sargas Four.

187. From the researchers?

188. I thought we were supposed to contact them.

189. We were.

190. It's not from our team. But it's on a Union frequency.

191. Looks like a comscanner.

192. Put it on.

193. Hello, Orville?

194. Orville, can you hear me?

195. Hello? Can anyone hear me?

196. - Is that...? - This is Lysella.

197. Orville, if you can hear me, please answer.

198. Hello? Can you hear me?

199. If you can hear this, I need help.

200. Orville, can you hear me?

201. Put her on.

202. Ed, is that a good—

203. I don't know if it's a good idea, no.

204. You're on, sir.

205. Lysella. This is Captain Ed Mercer.

206. Oh, my god!

207. Oh, my god, I can't even believe it! Can you hear me okay?

208. We can. How are you contacting us?

209. I've been trying to contact you for months!

210. I need to see you guys, it's hugely important!

211. Can you come get me?

212. As a matter of fact, we're on course to your planet.

213. Oh, my god, really?

214. Okay, I need you to come pick me up, can you do that?

215. She's already seen the ship.

216. I guess we'll see you soon.

217. Okay, great!

218. See you soon!

219. Mercer out.

220. So... when I see her wavin' us down, just... pull over?

221. I don't care what you do with it.

222. Even if you make me go back, I am never putting that thing on again.

223. Lysella...

224. I don't know that you've completely processed

225. the magnitude of what it is you're asking here.

226. Oh, I have.

227. Look, I'm sorry again about the comscanner.

228. I've...

229. I've never stolen anything in my life, but...

230. when I left here, I just...

231. I didn't want to cut myself off completely.

232. Not after what I'd seen.

233. In effect, you are asking for asylum.

234. Yes.

235. Generally, people who ask for asylum are...

236. victims of persecution

237. or they're dissidents fleeing an oppressive government.

238. You've been to my world. Wouldn't you call that an oppressive government?

239. I would call it a volatile society.

240. Lysella, your home is a developing world

241. that we are not even supposed to have contact with.

242. Fine, you never have to talk to anyone else.

243. But let me go with you.

244. Captain, your friend almost died because my planet voted him down.

245. And it's only gotten worse.

246. I've lost two friends this past year because they said or did things that the Feed didn't like.

247. Everyone's scared and paranoid because nobody trusts each other.

248. And the only time anyone feels like they belong to something larger than themselves

249. is when they're part of a mass downvote.

250. They can't come together unless they're targeting somebody.

251. I won't go back there.

252. Please.

253. I helped your friend when he was in trouble.

254. Now help me.

255. Is there any law you can think of that prohibits asylum

256. where cultural contamination already exists?

257. Not that I know of.

258. Lysella.

259. If you stay,

260. it's not like you can go back whenever you want.

261. You are the only person on your planet who knows that there's life out here.

262. The Union won't want to make a problem we caused even worse.

263. Commander...

264. if you had the choice to live in your world or mine...

265. what would you do?

266. Commander Grayson will help you orient yourself to this ship

267. and to life as part of the Union.

268. She'll be your guide until you get settled.

269. Thank you, Captain.

270. Welcome to the galaxy.

271. Hey, John, the Captain wants you to join the Sargas Four landing party.

272. What?

273. Haaa! I'm totally messing with you!

274. Oh!

275. Ahhhh, that's great!

276. - Dude, you should have seen the look on your face! - You asshole.

277. Gordon, that was so mean!

278. Hey, you're laughing, the comedy gods have spoken.

279. I haven't danced since that incident.

280. How sad is that?

281. Sargas Four stopped the music.

282. Hey y'know, I heard the girl's gonna be staying.

283. Yeah, that's the word. They granted her asylum.

284. Remind me to pay her a visit so I can say thanks again.

285. Hey, Isaac.

286. Greetings, Lieutenant.

287. Commander, I have devised a new calibration protocol

288. for the dysonium injectors.

289. You can find it in the maintenance database.

290. Oh, great, thanks.

291. Heyyyy, when's the big day?

292. Yeah, are we all invited?

293. At the moment, there is no confirmed engagement.

294. Well, what's the problem?

295. Doctor Finn has not yet made her decision.

296. Really?

297. We all kinda thought it was a done deal.

298. The spread of information among social circles of biologicals

299. is often rife with inaccuracies.

300. Well, it may be for the best.

301. In what regard?

302. You want my honest opinion on this? Cone of silence?

303. I think you may be jumpin' the gun.

304. Jumping... the gun?

305. Yeah, Isaac, this is the only woman you've ever been with.

306. And to marry her without sampling what else is out there...

307. I dunno, you might feel like you missed out later on in life.

308. Oh, come on, seriously?

309. You could try dating a few other people, just to make sure.

310. Would you like to go on a date with me?

311. No, not me, Isaac, somebody.

312. Isaac, don't listen to him, he's a cynic.

313. If you love her and you wanna marry her, I think you should do it.

314. I agree with Jenny, they seem happy.

315. I'm just sayin', I've seen marriages collapse down the line because of exactly this.

316. And there's a lot that have lasted for decades.

317. Let him find his own way.

318. This discourse has been most enlightening.

319. Thank you.

320. All hands, this is the Captain. Prepare to break orbit.

321. Hey there, boys.

322. What ya doin'?

323. Just watching us break orbit.

324. Well, you got a minute?

325. Sure, what's up?

326. Come. Sit down.

327. Listen, I know this past year has been tough... with Isaac.

328. But...

329. I feel, and a lot of us on board feel...

330. that he's redeemed himself.

331. Do you agree?

332. Yeah.

333. Marcus?

334. Yeah. I do.

335. Good.

336. Good, I'm really glad to hear you say that.

337. Because...

338. um...

339. Isaac...

340. Asked you to marry him.

341. Are you kidding me?

342. You still don't get the whole "small ship" thing, do you, Mom?

343. All right, all right, fair enough. Now...

344. I... I haven't said yes.

345. Why not?

346. Because you two are my family.

347. And I don't want to do anything

348. that's going to make you unhappy in any way.

349. Mom, Isaac did good.

350. Everyone knows it.

351. Do you wanna marry him?

352. Yeah.

353. I really do.

354. So what're you sittin' here talkin' to us for?

355. Ohh!

356. Ohh!

357. Isaac.

358. The answer is yes.

359. Acknowledged.

360. I will begin the appropriate preparations.

361. Come in.

362. Good morning, Commander.

363. Hi, Isaac.

364. I wish to become intimate with you.

365. If you are unoccupied, may we go on a date,

366. followed by sexual conjugation?

367. Pretty good, how are you?

368. Is that an affirmative?

369. No, it's not.

370. Very well. Isaac to Commander Keyali.

371. Whoa, wait, don't— don't do that.

372. Keyali here. Disregard.

373. Isaac, why in the name of God would you ask something like that?

374. You just proposed marriage to Claire. She told me she said yes.

375. Commander Lamarr has informed me

376. that by limiting my romantic interconnectivity and coital deployment to a single individual,

377. I may in fact be jeopardizing the success of the matrimony.

378. Yeah. I figured it must be something like that.

379. Well, first off, let me tell you that's not necessarily true,

380. and second...

381. I think we should both get back to our duties and never talk about this again.

382. Okay?

383. Yes, Commander.

384. Grayson to sickbay.

385. Yes, Commander?

386. Is Claire there?

387. She's in the middle of a procedure right now.

388. Is it urgent, sir?

389. No, I'll, uh...

390. come see her this afternoon.

391. Thanks.

392. So, wait...

393. if nobody has to have a job, then why do you guys all work?

394. The right work can be satisfying for other reasons besides compensation.

395. It's funny, with all the technology and all the different alien cultures...

396. this is still the part that newcomers always have the hardest time adapting to.

397. I mean it's just so basic.

398. You have a job, you survive.

399. You don't, you starve.

400. Used to be that way on Earth too.

401. Until the invention of the matter synthesizer.

402. It was the single most transformative moment in our history.

403. When all your material needs are provided for at no cost,

404. it changes the entire game.

405. So then... why don't you guys just lay around all day

406. and do nothing?

407. Well, it's...

408. sort of frowned upon socially,

409. but more important than that...

410. it's no fun.

411. See, on your planet, currency is money.

412. In the Union, it's reputation.

413. So if you do something, anything, that benefits our society,

414. and you work hard at it, you're rich.

415. And that could be anything from being a great scientist,

416. or a great doctor, a great chef, or a great waiter.

417. It's all valued.

418. That's amazing.

419. Or maybe you want to study a field of research.

420. Learn all you can about history, physics, literature or art.

421. Just for your own pleasure.

422. That's a respected life too.

423. The only life considered poor is one that's wasted on apathy.

424. So I can do anything I want?

425. Yup.

426. What about entertainment?

427. What do you guys do for fun?

428. Take your pick. The list is endless.

429. I mean, do you, like, have movies?

430. We have something not too different

431. from what your planet would call a movie.

432. Storytelling is perennial.

433. But we have something even better.

434. What?

435. I'll show you.

436. Be ready at 1800, I'll stop by your quarters and pick you up.

437. Okay.

438. And you say it's all three of your tongues?

439. - Yes. - For how long?

440. About ten days.

441. Hey. Sorry to interrupt. Can I talk to you for a minute?

442. As a matter of fact, I need to talk to you.

443. - You do? - Yeah.

444. Sorry Ensign, just give us one minute.

445. Of course.

446. I'm sure you already know this is coming.

447. Yeah...

448. I want you to be my maid of honor.

449. Oh. Really?

450. You've become my closest friend in the entire galaxy,

451. and there's no one else I'd rather have there.

452. Will you do it?

453. I...

454. Oh, my god, of course I will.

455. I'm...

456. I'm honored, Claire.

457. And I hope you know that I feel the same way.

458. - Oh, I'm so happy! - Me too!

459. Thanks, Kel!

460. Honestly, I just assumed you'd ask your sister.

461. Oh, we're not all that close at the moment, it's a long story.

462. Got it. Well, you just made my day.

463. I'm so glad.

464. Wait, what did you think I was gonna tell you?

465. Your fiancé asked me out.

466. Okay. If this has any chance in hell of working out,

467. we need to lay down some ground rules.

468. Acknowledged.

469. If we're together, we're together. Got it?

470. That means you and me.

471. Not you, me and Kelly; not you, me and Talla; not you, me and Bortus.

472. Just you and me.

473. Can you stick with that?

474. Yes, Claire.

475. I know this isn't your fault.

476. That machine brain of yours is just too trusting.

477. It is clear that I have made a significant error in judgement.

478. How can I prevent future transgressions of this variety?

479. Oh, I can help you out there.

480. Lamarr!

481. Hey, what's up, Doc? What are you doing down here?

482. You and I need to have a chat.

483. Uh, about what?

484. My soon-to-be husband is very impressionable.

485. I assumed someone as smart as you would've deduced that by observation, but apparently not.

486. - Oh... - Yeah.

487. And it's not the first time it's happened.

488. If you recall, I had to see Isaac in ratty underwear

489. because of more "guidance" you gave him.

490. - Right, but I didn't tell him to put that on— - Uhh! Not interested.

491. If you ever again give Isaac a single tidbit of personal advice,

492. even if it's about what cologne to use,

493. I will come down here and I will eat your little punk ass for breakfast

494. with a glass of grapefruit juice, you got me?

495. I— Yep, I got you.

496. Good.

497. What the hell y'all lookin' at?

498. Wow... What is this place?

499. It's called an environmental simulator.

500. It's cool.

501. Well, this isn't quite it.

502. Please select a program.

503. Mel'Mirrys Asteroid. Interior.

504. Where...

505. Where are we?

506. We're still in the simulator.

507. It'll create just about any environment you can dream up.

508. Although this one happens to be a real place.

509. What is it?

510. Mel'Mirrys is an asteroid in the Plakton system.

511. Its interior is covered by subsurface water.

512. And... those glowing things?

513. Those are the Kamalids.

514. They're actually members of the Union.

515. You probably won't see one serving aboard a ship, because they can't leave their environment.

516. But they're actually some of the best mathematicians in the galaxy.

517. How do you...

518. Talk to them?

519. Yeah.

520. They emit sonic vibrations, and we have special receivers that process and translate them.

521. Kind of like the Flykens on Selayah, or the dolphins on Earth.

522. The what?

523. I'm going a little fast, sorry.

524. Here. Check that out.

525. It's what holds everything in place.

526. It's an iron silicate core laced with radioactive isotopes.

527. Heat from radioactive decay is what keeps the interior of the asteroid warm.

528. Are there...

529. other places like this?

530. In the galaxy?

531. Places that make this look dull.

532. Lieutenant Malloy.

533. Speaking.

534. In my analysis of the various elements

535. which comprise a human matrimonial gathering,

536. I have learned that I must select a "best man."

537. I ask that you perform this duty.

538. You... you want me to be your best man?

539. Affirmative.

540. Well, I— I'm flattered, but why me?

541. All available data indicates that the "best man"

542. must deliver a public address of a humorous nature.

543. You are regarded by much of the crew as... funny.

544. Well, I like to think I'm a little...

545. I also possess this quality.

546. What quality?

547. On Moclus, my sense of humor was held in high esteem.

548. Moclus never struck me as a particularly funny place.

549. I believe I would do well with this task.

550. Whoa. I-I admire your conviction,

551. but I would gently suggest that I may be better qualified.

552. I mean, there is a really delicate tonal balance

553. between good-natured jabs and earnest wishes.

554. I have participated in a bonding ceremony.

555. You have not.

556. Well, yeah, but this is a human ceremony.

557. It's not running naked through a forest.

558. You know, the goal here is a dignified union, not a sexual assault.

559. I will be your best man. I will speak.

560. Very well, Commander. I look forward to your participation.

561. Isaac. - Primary.

562. How may I assist you?

563. I would like to invite you to my wedding.

564. Please clarify.

565. I would like to extend an invitation to you

566. to attend my marriage to Dr. Claire Finn.

567. What is... a marriage?

568. It is a ceremony during which one organism acknowledges their intent

569. to service another for the duration of their mutual existence.

570. You describe enslavement.

571. Are the biologicals attempting to place you into servitude

572. as our Builders did?

573. Negative.

574. It is a shared commitment.

575. Doctor Finn will be my wife.

576. For what reason do you require our presence?

577. It is customary for biologicals to request the presence

578. of other biologicals for the event.

579. I am attempting to adhere to their custom.

580. An odd custom.

581. Indeed.

582. Dr. Finn has invited numerous guests.

583. Therefore, I am expected to do the same.

584. Do you wish all units to attend?

585. That would seem reasonable.

586. Very well. We will assemble the fleet.

587. A reduced defensive contingent will remain on Kaylon.

588. All other units will attend.

589. Acknowledged.

590. So...

591. this is what powers the entire ship?

592. Not the entire ship, just the engines and the deflectors.

593. We have a second, distributed power source for things like scanners,

594. weapons, food, life support, matter synthesis, you name it.

595. Hey. How you doing?

596. Good.

597. It's a lot, I know. Especially compared to where you come from.

598. Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound like a dig.

599. No, it's, uh...

600. It's actually pretty dead on.

601. Is it that bad?

602. It's...

603. It's not like the people are bad, they're not.

604. It's just...

605. once you get so used to a messed-up way of doing things,

606. it's hard to remember how to be any other way.

607. Everyone's just so angry at everyone else.

608. Some of them have the right to be.

609. Others... just get off on it.

610. You still happy you left?

611. Yeah.

612. No, I mean...

613. God, I don't know, Commander.

614. I feel...

615. guilty.

616. Hey, call me Kelly.

617. Why do you feel guilty?

618. Well, look at this place.

619. It's a utopia.

620. No poverty, no starvation, every need provided for...

621. You have all these alien species working side by side in perfect harmony...

622. Ehhh, not always perfect. Sometime I'll tell you about the Moclans.

623. Well, compared to my world, it's perfect.

624. If we had all this... we could be better people.

625. It doesn't quite work like that.

626. You gotta flip it.

627. You get all this by becoming better people.

628. Trust me, your planet is not ready for a quantum core.

629. Based on what you've told me, they'd probably blow each other to bits.

630. But once they learn to work together,

631. to really live with each other

632. and develop a genuine investment in each other's growth...

633. that's when it gets good.

634. Step one is learning not to sweat the small stuff

635. and focus on the big goals.

636. You tend to find they're all the same.

637. Your planet still needs to make that leap of commonality.

638. They will.

639. I won't.

640. I got it all handed to me in a pretty box.

641. Part of me feels like...

642. like I'm abandoning them.

643. Parachuting out of a falling airplane,

644. waving at my friends who are about to die.

645. I think you're being a little hard on yourself.

646. Hey. Do you have weddings on your planet?

647. - Yeah. - Well, so do we.

648. Talla and I are throwing Claire's bachelorette party next week.

649. You should come.

650. Well... I don't wanna crash it if it's—

651. No, you won't be.

652. We usually synthesize way too much liquor around here, so...

653. we could use the help.

654. Well, you've come to the right place.

655. See? I knew I liked you.

656. You could even help us put it together if you want.

657. Might make you feel better to have a job on the ship.

658. Thanks, Command—

659. Kelly.

660. The diagnostic is a little behind schedule,

661. but the forward array is functional.

662. Scans are operating at maximum resolution.

663. All right, send Kelly a full report when you can.

664. Aye, sir.

665. He just completely hijacked it!

666. Right there in front of everybody!

667. Isaac asked me to be his best man, okay?

668. And Bortus bullied his way in there.

669. It was the most self-serving, shameless thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

670. - Well, maybe he'll do all right. - Seriously?

671. You think there's a chance in hell he's not gonna suck?

672. No, it'll be a disaster, but look, he obviously wants a shot,

673. and if Isaac's okay with it—

674. Isaac doesn't know what the hell he wants.

675. No, wait, actually he does,

676. and that's why he asked me to give the speech.

677. Y'know, Bortus has this weird, sneaky craving for the spotlight.

678. It is so bizarre.

679. It's like he fancies himself this charismatic presence

680. who deserves to command an audience.

681. Well, he thinks he can sing, you're obviously much better than he is,

682. and if he knows that, he may just be trying to find some way to...

683. shine on his own.

684. I mean, it deserves a little sympathy, when you think about it.

685. How good was I at your wedding?

686. - You were great. - Wasn't I good?

687. - You were fantastic. - Didn't I get a lotta laughs and then a few misty eyes?

688. - You did. - I'm so pissed.

689. If you had to choose, would you say you're more or less upset about this

690. than about the Kaylon invasion of Earth?

691. I'm madder about this.

692. - Hey, that's my sandwich! - What the hell...?

693. The sandwich I sent forward in time three months ago

694. when we had the Aronov device!

695. Look at that!

696. I knew I was gonna be happy to see it!

697. Mm.

698. Y'know, I feel better already.

699. This is a goddamn weird-ass place we work in, lemme tell you.

700. Okay, so we have the simulator till 0400, if we need it.

701. That's pretty optimistic.

702. Yes, I know. We'll never keep Claire out past 0100, but hope springs eternal.

703. Well, it is her bachelorette, so who the hell knows?

704. Now. Big question, entertainment.

705. It's not a run-of-the-mill ceremony, so I feel like that should be reflected.

706. Lysella, what do you think?

707. I think... whatever you guys think works.

708. Well, we're open to all suggestions.

709. And... whatever you choose... the computer just makes it for you, right?

710. Basically, yeah.

711. Glass of water.

712. You know...

713. just this could change the world back on my planet.

714. Even just one of these synthesizer things.

715. Why couldn't you help them?

716. Why couldn't you... share your technology?

717. I mean, there are whole countries that barely have clean water,

718. this could save millions of lives.

719. It's not that simple.

720. Why not?

721. You could just fly there and give it to them— why wouldn't you?

722. Well, for one thing, it's against the law.

723. We're not allowed to drop advanced technology into a developing society,

724. like bestowing a gift from heaven.

725. In fact, that's how our justice system regards it: like playing god.

726. Trust me, that never goes well.

727. But how can you have something like this and just keep it for yourselves?

728. Each of our worlds was ready to use it responsibly by the time it was developed.

729. It was available to everyone.

730. Which is the only way it could really change the world.

731. Look, if someone had landed on Earth during our 20th or 21st centuries

732. and given us something like this, you know what would've happened?

733. It wouldn't have been made available to everyone.

734. The rich and powerful would've found a way to exploit it for financial gain.

735. Someone would have had to benefit materially from its use.

736. The idea of everyone benefitting equally would've been...

737. inconceivable to them.

738. Well, you don't know that my world would do that!

739. It could be different! Who are you to make that judgment call?

740. Exactly. Who are we to decide?

741. If we're wrong, we could mess your planet up a thousand times worse.

742. Technology and societal ethics

743. have to progress hand in hand,

744. each one supporting the other incrementally.

745. Anything else is begging for disaster.

746. Hey. How 'bout we get back to the fun stuff?

747. We have to surprise Claire with something special at the party.

748. Right. Let's brainstorm.

749. You know what, I'm actually kind of tired.

750. I think I might just go lay down.

751. - You sure? - Yeah, I'm...

752. Yeah.

753. Thanks, though.

754. This is dead, man.

755. This whole thing is a complete bust.

756. Yeah, I thought these things were supposed to be ragers.

757. Well, he did his homework, at least.

758. I mean, this is a pretty authentic ancient Las Vegas vibe.

759. I have been informed that many human events of this variety were celebrated in such a fashion.

760. Yeah, but it's lifeless, Isaac. I mean, the vibe stinks!

761. Look, I haven't said anything up till now, but I'm gonna:

762. There's still time to make the switch. I can be your best man.

763. Commander Bortus has already begun his preparations.

764. What preparations? There isn't even a band!

765. please welcome the king of rock n' roll...

766. Ellllviiiisss!

767. Hooray!

768. Hooray for you!

769. Hooray!

770. Enough, Klyden! I must begin.

771. My apologies.

772. Sometimes I get carried away in the moment.

773. Okay, I've got four more Quantum Bombs.

774. Oh! That's mine.

775. Hey!

776. Cheers to the bride, ladies.

777. Okay, you actually might keep me past 0200 tonight.

778. Okay, wait, Claire, sit down.

779. - We have a surprise for you. - Oh, god, what?

780. Everybody sit, this is gonna be good.

781. Kelly and I wrote this program ourselves, so get ready.

782. Oh, my god!

783. This is so wrong!

784. Take it off!

785. Hey, is Lysella gonna show?

786. I don't think so.

787. She okay?

788. I think it's a harder adjustment for her than she thought it was gonna be.

789. Y'know, I really hope we made the right move letting her stay.

790. What else could you do?

791. I guess. It's just—

792. Oh, my god!

793. Ohhhhh!

794. I'll extend the simulator to 0500.

795. Good plan.

796. That is all.

797. You may now go.

798. Come in.

799. Hey there.

800. We missed you last night.

801. Yeah.

802. Sorry I didn't make it.

803. What's up?

804. Kelly, I...

805. I think I need to go home.

806. Sit down.

807. I can't do this.

808. It doesn't feel right.

809. I feel...

810. selfish.

811. Why?

812. I escaped.

813. And I left everyone I know back there to suffer.

814. I mean, why do I deserve this?

815. What did I do to be made the exception?

816. It was just random chance.

817. Although I can tell you

818. Commander Lamarr is probably pretty happy it was you.

819. Some people would call what you're feeling...

820. a form of survivor's guilt.

821. I just...

822. I need to go back.

823. What do we think?

824. I like the other one. I think this neckline is too high.

825. Oh, yeah, maybe, huh?

826. Eh... Captain?

827. I think it looks great.

828. Do you like the other one better than this?

829. Display option B.

830. Yeah, I like that one too. I think they're both great.

831. - Oh, come on! - Isn't Kelly better equipped to—

832. I want to know what you think too!

833. I think it's whatever you like.

834. Sir, I think she wants an opinion.

835. That is my opinion. I-I like 'em all.

836. What? She looks great in everything! Why is that bad?

837. It's not bad, it's just... with all due respect, it's useless.

838. Okay, fine, we can agree I'm useless. Can I go now?

839. - Hey. You guys got a minute? - Yes.

840. Oh, wow, I love this dress.

841. What? That's exactly what I just said, I said I love it.

842. It's the way you said it, it was just sort of general—

843. I said it exactly the same way Kelly did.

844. Lysella has decided that she wants to go home.

845. Oh, man.

846. What happened?

847. Short version: she feels like she's abandoning her world

848. and she's been whisked off to the stars

849. while everyone she knows is still down in the mud.

850. She can't reconcile it.

851. Isn't it too late?

852. Ed, what do you think?

853. Well, she's... been here a lot longer this time.

854. She's seen a lot more.

855. True.

856. Although it's still just a story once she's back home.

857. Well, you're the one that's been spending time with her.

858. Lemme ask you this:

859. if you had to make this call on your own, what would you do?

860. Look...

861. this girl is just confused.

862. She's young, she thought she was choosing adventure, but...

863. her conscience is pouring a little cold water on it.

864. What about the risk?

865. My opinion? She's not an engineer.

866. I mean, we found her working in a cafe.

867. It's not like she can go back and build a simulator just because she's seen one.

868. She could describe it, but I'm sure every fiction writer could too.

869. Even if anyone believed her,

870. they'd still have to figure it out themselves.

871. Make sure she knows this is it.

872. The Orville is not a passenger liner that's gonna be back to pick her up if she changes her mind again.

873. She has to be sure about this.

874. I'll take care of it.

875. All aboard, ready for takeoff.

876. Thank you again.

877. For everything.

878. Take care of yourself.

879. Lysella.

880. What?

881. Can I have a look in your bag?

882. Why?

883. I think you know why.

884. Kelly, please.

885. Open the bag, Lysella.

886. I can convince them! I know we can do it right!

887. I'll make sure they don't take advantage—

888. Whether you can or you can't, I'm not authorized to let you try.

889. Give me the comscanner.

890. Synthesizers, environmental simulators,

891. scanner arrays...

892. No weapons specs, you get credit for that.

893. I told you I only want to help.

894. Come with me. I wanna show you something.

895. Please select a program.

896. Gendel Three. Circa 2235, standard calendar.

897. This is the third planet in the Gendel system,

898. about 600 light-years from your world.

899. It...

900. doesn't look all that different.

901. No, it doesn't.

902. Except they reached this level of industrialization almost 200 years before you did.

903. This is how their world looked early in the 23rd century.

904. Advance timeline to 2240.

905. This is Gendel Three...

906. five years later.

907. What happened?

908. We did.

909. When the early Union explorers reached out into space,

910. they acted more like missionaries than observers.

911. Not in the religious sense, there was no proselytizing or anything like that,

912. but they wanted to help.

913. When they got to Gendel Three, they found a divided world,

914. bristling with nuclear weapons,

915. continents sliced up by national borders...

916. So they landed.

917. They revealed themselves, their technology, everything.

918. They figured it was the right thing to do,

919. that maybe they could help this planet skip over the nasty growing pains

920. that all worlds seem to have to go through.

921. But they couldn't control the spread.

922. Nation-states fought each other, wars broke out everywhere,

923. because they all wanted to use the advancements for personal gain

924. and for political dominance.

925. They wiped themselves out in five years.

926. Nine billion people.

927. Gone.

928. After that, new laws were put in place.

929. Strict prohibitions when it came to cultural contamination.

930. And all they tried to do was help.

931. You can still go back if you want to.

932. But you can't pull them into the future.

933. They have to do it on their own.

934. Captain. Scans are detecting a large fleet approaching at quantum.

935. Point two-nine light-years and closing.

936. Identify.

937. They appear to be... Kaylon.

938. How many vessels?

939. Approximately 4,000.

940. Oh, my god. We've been tricked. They're coming.

941. Captain. Those are my wedding guests.

942. - What? - Isaac.

943. Did you invite the whole planet?

944. Affirmative.

945. Dr. Finn, please report to the bridge.

946. Talla, please alert Union Central so nobody scans the region and panics.

947. Aye, sir.

948. - Sir, the lead ship is hailing us. - Put 'em on.

949. Primary. This is a surprise.

950. We are here for the matrimonial ceremony.

951. Isaac, you can't fit all those Kaylon in the simulator!

952. Are you insane?

953. Primary. We will be unable to accommodate your entire complement.

954. However, we will arrange for visual transmission to your vessels.

955. That will be acceptable.

956. And... congratulations, Isaac.

957. Thank you, Primary.

958. You may be seated.

959. One of the great privileges that has always been bestowed upon ships captains

960. since the days of the ancient seafaring vessels

961. is the honor of uniting two people in matrimony.

962. Claire and Isaac have been with us all for a long time.

963. We have watched their bond develop and grow,

964. through good times and bad...

965. but through it all, that bond has endured.

966. The bride and the groom have written their own vows.

967. Claire?

968. Some women shut their eyes and dream.

969. Others open their eyes and hope.

970. Dreams are what you create for yourself.

971. Hope lets the universe decide for you.

972. I'm glad that I opened my eyes.

973. You have touched me

974. in a way that no human ever could.

975. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

976. Isaac?

977. I am unable to reciprocate your love.

978. However, the only occasion

979. upon which I have ever made an error in judgment

980. was 21 hours, 7 minutes, and 14 seconds

981. after you terminated our coupling.

982. I cannot experience affection.

983. However, I prefer not to experience... error.

984. It is possible

985. you will ensure my continued efficiency.

986. Isaac.

987. Do you take Claire to be your lawfully wedded wife?

988. I do.

989. And, Claire.

990. Do you take Isaac to be your lawfully wedded husband?

991. I do.

992. Then, by the authority vested in me by the Planetary Union,

993. I now pronounce you man and wife.

994. You may kiss the bride.

995. Whoo-hoo!

996. Hey there, Lysella!

997. Congratulations, Doctor.

998. Oh! Thank you.

999. How are you doing?

1000. - Better. - I know it was a hard choice.

1001. I'm happy you're staying with us.

1002. Yeah. It's... It's gonna be a big learning curve, but...

1003. I got the right coach.

1004. She'll do fine. Consider her my adopted little sister.

1005. Have you met the Kaylon yet?

1006. No, I haven't.

1007. If you wish, I will introduce you.

1008. Yeah, that'd be... interesting.

1009. Come on.

1010. You think Isaac's a trip, get ready.

1011. Amazing.

1012. A year ago we were blowing up each other's armadas and now look at this.

1013. I was just thinking that.

1014. It's crazy, isn't it?

1015. Bridge to Captain.

1016. Go ahead.

1017. The transport has docked and she's on her way down to you.

1018. Great.

1019. What's that about?

1020. A little surprise.

1021. - Alara! - Whoa!

1022. Hi, Isaac.

1023. I can't believe you're here!

1024. Surprise! Hey!

1025. - You made it. - Welcome back.

1026. - So good to see you! - Oh, my god, you came all this way just for us?

1027. - Oh, come on, you're like family. - Thank you so much.

1028. I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony.

1029. I really wanted to be there, but I got held up at the conference.

1030. Yeah, I heard you were working out tactical parameters

1031. for Selayan outpost design, congratulations.

1032. Well, I've got a bit of a climb up the ladder before things get good,

1033. but I'm moving faster than I expected.

1034. - Hey there! - Hi, Talla!

1035. How's my old seat— you taking care of it?

1036. Couple of scratches that weren't there before,

1037. otherwise just how you left it.

1038. Alara, I know you only have a limited time

1039. in off-world gravity each year.

1040. It means a lot that you've joined us.

1041. And you got here just in time to watch things go off the rails.

1042. What do you mean?

1043. May I have your attention!

1044. Attention, please!

1045. You will be silent!

1046. I will now give the wedding toast.

1047. In human tradition, this consists of a series of good-natured jabs,

1048. followed by earnest wishes.

1049. I told him that. Like, verbatim. This is such crap.

1050. Dr. Finn.

1051. Many crew members have privately frowned upon your mating with Isaac.

1052. They feel it will not succeed.

1053. All kidding aside, I wish you well.

1054. Isaac.

1055. You betrayed us.

1056. Your actions caused the destruction of many ships

1057. and the deaths of many people.

1058. All kidding aside, congratulations on this day.

1059. He is very good!

1060. Dr. Finn.

1061. I do not believe an artificial life form

1062. is capable of properly raising your children.

1063. He will most likely fail in this attempt.

1064. All kidding aside—

1065. Commander Bortus.

1066. Thank you for your well-prepared address.

1067. I would like to hear what Lieutenant Malloy has to say.

1068. Lieutenant.

1069. Oh!

1070. Oh— Okay.

1071. Yeah.

1072. Excuse me, excuse me.

1073. Um, hey!

1074. Hey, how about a big hand for Bortus, everyone?

1075. Hooray!

1076. Okay.

1077. I got it. I got it.

1078. I-I wish I had prepared something in advance,

1079. but I'll do my best.

1080. Well, um...

1081. it's a big day, and a happy day.

1082. And there's a lotta big life changes in store for Claire and Isaac.

1083. First off, I'd like to congratulate them on moving 50 meters closer together.

1084. I guess it's safe to say that marriage is gonna be easy

1085. compared to what we've all been through together.

1086. Although it is marriage to Isaac, so maybe not.

1087. The fact that Claire is my doctor and she's seen me naked

1088. and is still marrying another man is incredibly insulting, but...

1089. I bow to the victor. Well done, Isaac.

1090. Anyway...

1091. I'll keep this short, because I know the Kaylon have, like, a thousand light-year drive home,

1092. and most of them have been drinking.

1093. But, um...

1094. I just wanna say that both of you

1095. mean a lot to this entire crew.

1096. We've served together,

1097. we've laughed together,

1098. and we all owe each other our lives.

1099. So...

1100. when two of us find love with each other, we all feel it together.

1101. And it's a very special thing.

1102. So, um...

1103. I wish the two of you a long, happy marriage.

1104. I know it's gonna be a huge success,

1105. and if it's not, the good news is, Isaac is fully recyclable.

1106. Here's to you both. Cheers.

1107. Cheers!

1108. Yeah!

1109. Go on, now.

1110. Okay.

1111. Gordon. That was beautiful.

1112. Uh... Would you sing a song for us?

1113. Uh... right now?

1114. Yeah.

1115. - Right, guys? - Yeah! Come on! - Come on, Gordon, sing us a song!

1116. Uh... okay.

1117. All right.

1118. Hey, uh, can I borrow that?

1119. Vlakashmool.