The Office 8x4

Directed by David Rogers

Zach Woods as Gabe Lewis • Ellie Kemper as Erin Hannon • Creed Bratton as Creed Bratton • Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor • Kate Flannery as Meredith Palmer

Andy plants the seeds of trying to impress Robert California by throwing a garden party at Schrute Farms. Andy's parents and brother also attend the event, only to make him feel awkward.

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1. Hey. So we saw a new billboard.

2. Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?

3. What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices

4. than with an ad campaign?

5. And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager?

6. How'd it look? You've seen it, right?

7. No. Andy, somebody defaced it.

8. What? How?

9. Morning, Stanley

10. There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards

11. How do I put this?

12. If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a phallic shape

13. interacting with the artwork, it'll happen.

14. And Andy gave them that opportunity.

15. Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?

16. Six months Oh, God.

17. I need you to call the billboard company

18. great billboard. Funny, edgy right up to the line without crossing it. Loved it.

19. Which one did you see? Washington Street

20. The one with like 20 dongs on it. Okay. Don't be gross

21. What's going on? Somebody defaced the billboards

22. we just put out in an inappropriate way

23. That's funny

24. Wait, from the photo shoot with you and me?

25. Yeah, Dwight

26. No. No

27. No, no, no, no, no, no

28. No, no, no, no, no. No

29. Schrute Farms is very easy to find.

30. It's right in the middle of the root vegetable district

31. If the soil starts to get acidic

32. you've probably gone too far.

33. Just give us the address we'll look it up online

34. It's simpler this way. It's really not

35. Now stated arrival time is 3:00 p.m.

36. I don't get the reason for this party. Yeah. What's the reason?

37. What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason?

38. It's just a garden party Sheesh!

39. You don't need a reason to throw a garden party

40. any more than you need a reason to throw a birthday party

41. It's a garden party You don't need a reason

42. A few other super simple reminders. No burping, no slurping

43. When eating, take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed

44. Yes, Darryl?

45. What happens when we're done chewing?

46. Do we spit it out on the floor or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?

47. I get it. I'm being a little overbearing

48. But I promise to be under-bearing for a week

49. if you guys just all step it up.

50. Andy, we understand basic table manners We're not children.

51. Yeah. It's just a picnic

52. This is not a picnic, Phyllis It's a garden party.

53. There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring

54. Oh, ew Please don't. Not a barbecue

55. It's better than a barbecue It's dignified. Quieter. There are rules.

56. How is that better than a barbecue?

57. What's the dress code for this? I'm glad you asked

58. Connecticut casual

59. Any chance Connecticut casual is Pennsylvania business?

60. I.E., this is what I'm wearing to your party

61. guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion.

62. It was a huge success

63. Check it out. There's a video online

64. Heartwarming impromptu father/son duet

65. Oh, yeah

66. Yeah. Oscar you showed me this

67. I've seen this. That's not you

68. Yeah. Who's the sausage?

69. (SINGING) It's my dad and my brother

70. I would have joined in but this melody

71. doesn't really support another harmony part, so

72. Check it out That's my brother's boss

73. Look how psyched he is He's having an awesome time

74. Ah

75. And did Robert California get an invite to your party?

76. Yeah, of course I mean, yeah I think he did

77. Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California?

78. I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO.

79. Classic Gabe move

80. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies

81. and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch

82. See you all there at 3:00 p.m Connecticut casual

83. Remember your manners and have a wonderful time

84. And please refer to the map Stay off of the web.

85. Thank you

86. So, we've typed in the address.

87. Now let's take a look at the street view

88. They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by Ah.

89. Why do you keep reading that garden party book?

90. I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?

91. There's so much more to it than that

92. I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into

93. the high-end event hosting industry for some time,

94. and this party is a great opportunity

95. Plus, I've got a secret weapon

96. Only one copy in the world,

97. and some sucker on the Internet sold it to me for $2

98. I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing.

99. I've only sold one copy

100. Is there anything you wish you'd done differently to avoid cankles?

101. Nope

102. I've already gone up another cup size.

103. The senator is grossed out

104. When do you start feeling it kick?

105. Cece was around 22 weeks but Philip was much earlier

106. Philip?

107. Oh, my gosh. Yes But don't say anything, okay?

108. It's after my grandfather

109. Philip is the name that we're using.

110. It's after my favourite cat

111. Oh, wow

112. Funny. It's after my grandfather.

113. It's after my cat

114. Andrew, I picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon.

115. One, a pot of marmalade.

116. Ooh, that sounds great

117. That is what you want then? The marmalade?

118. Sure

119. You don't want to hearthe otherone. You love marmalade?

120. I'll hear the other one

121. It's a basil plant.

122. You know, the marmalade sounds great.

123. I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister, and she's very interested.

124. Then the basil will be fine

125. Well, you clearly want the marmalade.

126. Gretchen, I need another marmalade.

127. All right.

128. Hey, where do I park? I'm the valet.

129. You have to give me your car, I'm parking. I can probably park it myself

130. I'm the valet. You have to give me your car.

131. It's probably okay that I park...

132. No. I think it's probably better that I

133. I'm the valet. You have to give me

134. It's a finicky car Get out of your car. Get out.

135. Have a good time at the thing.

136. It's a little tricky. You might want to

137. Mr. Ryan Howard

138. "Chapter Two. Announcing guests as they enter

139. "is the height of decorum

140. "The more volume displayed the more honour is bestowed upon everyone present."

141. Stanley Hudson and his mistress Cynthia

142. James, Pamela and Peepee Halpert

143. How's it going over here, guys? Andy, stop hovering

144. You're being really annoying

145. Didn't mean to bother you, Mable

146. "Mable, Mable if you're able,

147. "keep your elbows off the table." Wow

148. Mr. and Mrs. Walter and Ellen Bernard

149. So you all work with Andy?

150. Well, technically, for Andy

151. Technically for Robert California He's our CEO.

152. I thought you were the CEO

153. I don't know how you got there

154. You said you were running the company

155. This branch I'm the regional manager

156. Yes. Well, that makes more sense.

157. Are you a regional managers?

158. Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy

159. No, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves.

160. Which, as a matter of fact, they did last week.

161. They threw one for my baby brother, and it was totally amazing.

162. But I couldn't care less.

163. Can I introduce you around now?

164. Yeah, we don't have too long We have theatre tickets.

165. What are you going to see?

166. Moneyball.

167. It was Walter Jr.'s choice

168. MRS. BERNARD There he is. What?

169. Bro-nard

170. I didn't know you were going to be here

171. I wouldn't have missed it

172. (FAKE CHUCKLING) Okay

173. Ahh

174. I'm Walter. I'm Andy's younger brother

175. Hey, how you doing? I'm Jim.

176. Tuna, right? And this must be your lovely wife, Pam

177. No Hell no

178. She wishes. No, no, no no, no. No

179. Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests I understand

180. Excuse me

181. Set that down

182. Present yourself

183. "Chapter Four One of the host's most important duties

184. "is as dance master.

185. "A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon."

186. Ladies and gentlemen may I present

187. Robert California

188. Hello, Andy Welcome

189. Thank you Hey, I want you to meet

190. my first bosses Mom and Dad

191. Yes. Hello. Nice to meet you Pleasure.

192. Andy, where shall I put your basil plant?

193. I thought you were going to bring the marmalade?

194. No. I'm certain you said basil.

195. This is not funny, man Let me down.

196. I think this thing is broken. It's not broken, Kevin This is how it works.

197. It's so pretty today

198. It's getting chilly

199. Yeah. We really should be leaving

200. Yeah. Um

201. It'll be weird if the boss-man didn't make a toast, so hang on.

202. Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming

203. and to raise a glass to my amazing staff

204. Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody

205. they toast you back It just goes round and round

206. That's my favourite part about toasts, the reciprocity

207. Let's hear from you guys. Who do you want to toast?

208. Yeah, I'll say something

209. I think we should be acknowledging our boss

210. because none of us would be here without him

211. Robert California

212. To Robert Yay, Robert

213. I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel

214. Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?

215. I would like to toast someone who isn't here

216. but who will be in just four short months

217. Welcome to the world Philip Lipton.

218. Aww

219. I also would like to toast Philip Halpert

220. who's due even sooner

221. May he be a good namesake to my grandfather

222. who I promised as a child long before tonight,

223. that I would one day name my son after him

224. To Philip Halpert. To Philip

225. All right

226. She just always has to copy anything I do

227. It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again

228. I'd like to make a toast to the troops

229. Here, here Yes

230. All the troops Both sides

231. I think we should toast

232. Ladies and gentlemen the Last Supper.

233. "Chapter Nine The tableau vivant is not only welcome

234. "but expected entertainment at any garden party."

235. Andy?

236. I think that we should acknowledge the man

237. who has led us to such a profitable quarter.

238. To Robert California Yeah

239. I would also like to toast Robert California Mr. California...

240. You can't triple toast somebody

241. At least not until we hit everyone once

242. I'll say a few words if that's all right with you, Andy

243. Yeah

244. You people say I led you but it wasn't me

245. You want to toast the man who led you to success,

246. but the boss is irrelevant

247. Andy and I produce nothing We do nothing

248. We sit in our offices and demand,

249. "I want this and that right now" like petulant children

250. You know the difference between a crying baby and a manager?

251. One day the baby will grow up.

252. But without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers

253. waiting for someone to change us, wipe us

254. I should be toasting you thanking you,

255. for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe.

256. Cheers Cheers

257. To Robert California

258. From the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you...

259. Some of you know that we have an Internet star in our midst.

260. Mr. Walter Banes Bernard, Sir please report to the stage.

261. I'm eating, Andy

262. Come on

263. Okay. All right

264. Okay

265. Yes Yeah, what do you want to do?

266. Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets?

267. (PLAYING GUITAR) Oh, whoa.

268. You sure?

269. Really? It's a little tricky

270. Saying I love you Is not the words

271. It's too high. It's high but it's not that high. Really?

272. Right. It feels strained Yeah. Just take it down.

273. Saying I love...

274. Saying I love you

275. Here. Just give it to me. Yeah Yeah

276. Okay

277. Something like

278. Saying I love you is not the word...

279. You don't come in yet

280. I want to hear from you

281. It's not that I want you

282. Not to say but if you only knew

283. More than words

284. Is all you have to do to make it real

285. Is anyone filming this? Seriously. Erin!

286. It's either taping or calling.

287. What would you do

288. If my heart was torn in two

289. You know what? Walter Jr. is here

290. Why don't you come up and join us? WALTER, JR.: Yeah, no

291. No, come up and do something with me. I don't know, Pop

292. I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here

293. Get up there and sing

294. or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again

295. Whoo! Come on

296. Come on Give them what they want

297. All right. This old thing I don't even

298. May the good Lord be with you Down every road you roam

299. And may sunshine and happiness Surround you when you're far from home

300. And may you grow to be proud Dignified and true

301. And do unto others As you'd have done to you

302. Cheers! All right

303. What's going on? Cheers, cheers. Get your own guitar

304. Sorry. Please hang up and try again.

305. I am so cold It's because you didn't bring a jacket

306. My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game

307. Whoever heard of an old beet farmer? Forget the beets.

308. Concentrate on the hosting

309. I can spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here

310. Really? We have a number of birthday packages

311. The Pewter package has the least amount of goats.

312. It's not no goats it's still 10 to 12 goats

313. depending on the availability of the goats

314. Now the goat package, obviously, has the most goats What were you thinking?

315. Of course I am not interested in goats

316. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?

317. I can get you exotic meats

318. Hippo steaks. Giraffe burgers

319. We'll talk

320. It'll all be goat

321. Hello, Cece Halpert This is Andrew Bernard

322. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs

323. That wasn't even my worst sales call

324. MR. Hi

325. What was that display?

326. I don't know. I just thought

327. if I could throw this great garden party

328. and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me

329. Andrew I know

330. I know that you're proud of me.

331. I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am

332. that you're a manager of some rinky-dink branch

333. of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania

334. How long are you going to go on needing my approval?

335. You're a grown man. Don't act like a little boy who needs...

336. I think if I had parents like that,

337. I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too

338. Guess we found Andy's Rosebud Rosebud?

339. It's a reference to Citizen Kane.

340. Something that explains why a person became the way they are.

341. I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was

342. It just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed.

343. Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree

344. No. You're wrong

345. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm too hot anyway

346. My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy

347. Isn't that strange? I've never been there

348. Oh! Ah. Well

349. Yes, that's nice

350. Thank you

351. It was a nice party. The setting was a little strange. The food

352. Sandwiches were dry

353. Bye, Tuna Bye, Pam

354. Hey, everybody I'm going to leave

355. and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry

356. Cheeseburger or hamburger?

357. Um

358. Cheeseburger

359. Nard-Dog

360. Thanks, Oscar

361. What are they doing?

362. Closing ceremonies

363. Nice touch

364. I think I left my wallet in your house. Who cares?

365. Right here Mr. James Halpert

366. Keys. My keys

367. Stop forgetting things. I didn't forget them They're right here.

368. Mr. James Halpert

369. I'm so sorry. I think I forgot the

370. What You idiot

371. Ooh Mis...

372. Mi.

373. What are you doing? Hey, I have a question

374. Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office?

375. Stupid question, obviously Mr. James Halpert!