The Office 8x24

Directed by B.J. Novak

Zach Woods as Gabe Lewis • Ellie Kemper as Erin Hannon • Creed Bratton as Creed Bratton • Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor • Kate Flannery as Meredith Palmer

Dwight offers free family portraits, and a stolen diaper leads to a high-speed car chase. With help from David Wallace, Andy goes undercover to try to get his job back. A new business opportunity arises for Robert California.

Request examples:

!req The Office 8x24 [02:32]
!req The Office 8x24 [The Office 8x24]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Office 8x24 [10-11]; !req The Office 8x24 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hello, my name is Oscar I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania

2. and I am gay

3. And I'm here to tell you that, yes it does get better

4. When I was younger What? What's he doing?

5. He's searching out younger gays.

6. No, it's just a way to tell young people

7. no matter how hard it gets for them

8. there's a brighter future ahead

9. With you

10. No matter how hard it gets for you... Kelly, seriously, I...

11. Just keep chatting I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam

12. Do you not own a mirror?

13. Webcams make me look the way I look in my fantasies.

14. I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things.

15. I'm throwing out all my mirrors.

16. Okay, as you can see

17. at a dynamic workplace

18. Being gay is a celebration of life It's a simple...

19. I'm sorry. I just can't sit idly by

20. and have the gay youth of America

21. misled by some reductionist

22. I'm not misleading

23. pep talk

24. Sexuality is a spectrum

25. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as normal

26. It gets better, but it also gets vastly more complicated.

27. Hey, Robert? That guy he looks just like you

28. Damn it! Kevin. God

29. You okay, Robert?

30. I'm fine

31. Put some ice on it

32. In any case, it gets better

33. Maybe not much better but better.

34. It hurts

35. One, two, three

36. I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building.

37. At first I thought, "Muffin basket."

38. Then I thought, "What's even more precious to people than muffins?"

39. Can you just smile, please?

40. Their own children

41. Hey, everybody

42. Just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio.

43. Darryl, we'd love to see little Jada come by

44. Angela, why don't you bring by your little angel?

45. No, thank you

46. Jim, you've got those two cute kids

47. We sure would love to see them

48. doing this, Dwight

49. Last week, I may have gone too far

50. I'll explain it quickly

51. Basically I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned

52. custom-ordered the same suit made with tear-away Velcro

53. and you can fill in the rest.

54. What?

55. Damn it, Jim

56. Now he's trying to get me to bring my children into work

57. I think it's fair to be cautious

58. Let me get this straight you lost all of it?

59. All your winnings $150,000?

60. You mean to tell me no one wanted

61. an energy drink for Asian homosexuals?

62. They did not

63. You've got half-a-million of these?

64. Well, I've got to try it I wouldn't

65. Oh, come on. What's the harm?

66. Hmm

67. What flavor is that?

68. The coconut's pretty subtle

69. Come on, man. Can you just give us a yes or a no?

70. I don't know, man. You all quit with a lot of confidence

71. came up in here dancing and everybody was...

72. Ooh! Hold on a second

73. If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon

74. Then I would date the hell out of me

75. I wouldn't give in to me too fast,

76. let me buy myself some nice dinners and such

77. When I finally did give in I would go crazy on myself

78. Hi, guys

79. How's it going, man?

80. I'm... I'm good Thank you. How are you?

81. Great, yeah. Good

82. Oh, how the mediocre have fallen.

83. Oh, God

84. Look, I'm not here to get my old job back

85. I'm moving on

86. Just wanted to come in here and literally beg you

87. for something, anything

88. water the plants.

89. No, you don't Clean the toilets

90. Pull the poop out of the toilets

91. Not even a thing. Just please

92. Andy. Andy

93. Please give me something

94. Why don't you clean the carpets for today?

95. Thank you

96. Well, you're... Up you get, then

97. Pick yourself up

98. There it is. Thank you

99. You don't need to

100. Good, good This carpet's overdue for a good mopping

101. Is a mop the most efficient too to use on a carpet?

102. Yeah, it is, actually

103. I can't hold it in any longer

104. Because I convinced David Wallace

105. to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre

106. and at 3:00 today he's going to walk in here

107. and reinstate me as manager

108. Family picture

109. Pam. No

110. What? Honey, we talked about this.

111. No, we talked about not bringing them

112. into Dwight's photo studio/trap.

113. Yes, and then we decided that was crazy.

114. No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it

115. No, we settled in a much more rational place

116. remember? No

117. We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child

118. But are you 100% sure? I don't think any of us are

119. No, no

120. Nope

121. But it's free and we'll keep our eye on them

122. Yes Yes, that's

123. And we will make sure that Dwight doesn't do anything

124. Okay C-R-A-Z-Y

125. Wait. C-R-A-Z

126. Great, right up there

127. Yeah Yeah.

128. You sit right here one time.

129. There you go Okay.

130. All right, why don't you just give him to me?

131. Oh, great. Thank you

132. Perfect

133. This is great, excuse me

134. You ready? There you go

135. Okay. All right, let's do it

136. I'll just stand here then

137. Yeah, just keep your eye on Dwight Okay, yeah

138. Sir, could you look into the camera?

139. Let's do it Shoot it. Great

140. Sir. Up here

141. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

142. Jim, right here right here. Okay. Good

143. Oh, so that's it? That's it

144. See, that wasn't so hard

145. Cute kids Thanks for coming.

146. Hello, Erin. Hello, everybody

147. What, why? Hi, honey. What... How are you doing?

148. You know, my office got a call

149. that they were shooting family portraits right here

150. And if there's one thing every politician instinctively understands

151. it's a good photo op

152. Okay, you're going to go through the hallway.

153. Here's a map And if you get lost just follow the blue line

154. Thanks

155. Well, well, well, Senator Lipton. Welcome

156. Angela. Dwight

157. Nice to see you

158. May I hold him? Sure

159. No. I am going to hold him because I haven't seen him all day.

160. I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing

161. to get a sample of my baby's DNA

162. to prove he's the father

163. Which is impossible

164. Because the Senator is the only man I've ever been with

165. Did you see that?

166. What do you think about that? See?

167. See that ducky?

168. Okay, hold on a second, folks

169. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place

170. Oh, thank you No, no, no

171. I like the baby's hair the way it is.

172. Really?

173. This is getting more and more delicious by the minute.

174. It's go time

175. Hey, Nellie. I made... I made you

176. Well, I don't want any soup

177. But it's really good

178. Oh! Come on, Andy

179. Ah

180. I know this is going to be a great payoff

181. A delicious moment

182. But after you're manager

183. some of these images are going to be hard to shake

184. Well, but it's Just calibrate.

185. Okay? Calibrate

186. Okay, here we go

187. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench into the works

188. but I want everything to be perfect

189. and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me.

190. Uh-uh. Leave us alone

191. with the fingernails

192. Okay, great. Suit yourself

193. Although

194. aren't those excess skin cells

195. in the baby's cheek distracting to you as well?

196. Dwight! We're fine

197. Oopsie! Did somebody make a poopsie?

198. I'm just going to take him out and change him

199. just for a second here

200. He defecated

201. Ooh Oh

202. Stinky

203. A lot has changed since you all left, okay?

204. You're going to have to jump through some hoops

205. And the new foreman is here

206. Now, she's one of the best we've ever known, okay?

207. So I need you to show her your utmost respect

208. Make sure that she feels welcome

209. and at home, okay? Can you do that?

210. That's some pretty blatant complimenting you're doing there, man

211. I don't even talk to her like that. - Uh, Brandon

212. You would? Yeah.

213. Sounds like you're trying to hit on my girlfriend

214. Calm down. He's not

215. Yes, I am

216. Just so everyone's on the same page.

217. So you really think she's going to

218. leave a guy who owns his own restaurant

219. for a dude who ate his own restaurant? Brandon.

220. Good slam

221. Thank you, Biggie

222. Good luck to you

223. Oh, and have a burger for me

224. Okay, shall we take a few more?

225. I think we have all the shots we need Thank you, Dwight

226. Okay, here we go Yes, here we go.

227. No, Dwight! Give me the diaper Dwight!

228. Is this what you were looking for?

229. Huh? Huh?

230. Andy, we wanted to talk to you.

231. A lot of us are very concerned about you

232. You're dirty, you stink of booze, you're limping inexplicably

233. I just want you guys not to worry

234. because old Andy's going to be just fine

235. No, no, no see, this is what we're talking about

236. I mean, what was that accent?

237. And last time I checked you were drunk and now you're not drunk

238. No, unfortunately it's true

239. He's been a nightmare

240. and the worst part is he's been taking it out on me.

241. You hit her? - What?

242. No, no That is not the deal

243. Calibrate

244. He's not hitting me, but he's been verbally abusing me

245. That is not true, either

246. That's also total... Everyone please relax

247. I think you're going to like this surprise guest

248. Happy birthday to Gabe

249. Oh, get out, Skeleton Man

250. someone to talk to

251. Huh?

252. Hold on

253. I'm just going to... Hello?

254. Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close?

255. What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no You have to come now.

256. Traffic clears. No, next Friday

257. That's not going to work Okay, yeah, okay

258. Damn it

259. Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted

260. but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys.

261. Not only am I not a lowly janitor,

262. once again

263. Guys, I got my old job back

264. Oh, boy Oh, Andy

265. I'm not crazy I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back

266. David Wallace hasn't worked here in years.

267. Okay, yes I see the confusion

268. at the fundraiser

269. He is now a multi-millionaire

270. because he sold his toy vacuum "Suck It'

271. to the U.S. Military

272. Andy, come on, man

273. I... Okay, I get how that sounds crazy.

274. Andy, nobody's calling you crazy, Andy.

275. We're your friends, Andy

276. Stop saying my name

277. No, he's not making this up. Thank you, Erin

278. Andy tells me about seeing David Wallace all the time

279. But have you ever actually seen him yourself?

280. Oh, my God. Wait

281. Erin, come... Come on

282. You know I've been talking to David Wallace

283. Do you see David Wallace in the room right now?

284. Operation Phoenix is a go Just get the car ready

285. Okay, you look at me like you're adoring me

286. and I'm going to look at the camera

287. like I don't even know you're there

288. But I do adore you

289. Andrew, it's time for you to go home

290. You're better than this

291. Yeah, I know

292. Everyone is better than this

293. Because this is the worst thing I have ever seen

294. Why did they add coconut? I miss original.

295. Hey. - Hey

296. Hey, guys - Hey

297. Hey, guys, long time

298. David, what are you doing here?

299. Is it true you're buying the company?

300. Okay, I guess the word is out

301. Please keep this a secret but yes, I've been talking with Andy.

302. What? I thought I heard my name. What?

303. I'm the new manager?

304. I'll get to that in a second, Andy

305. But it's It is me? Right?

306. Yes as we discussed

307. What?

308. Oh, my God

309. It's very possible Probable.

310. Wow. From janitor to manager?

311. Yep

312. It's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to MVP

313. There's an official announcement A few details...

314. From total loss to total boss. I mean

315. Can we expect any payroll interruptions?

316. Now that is a great question, Stanley

317. Right now I think all your operations

318. or most of your operations are pretty much down in Florida,

319. so the shift back

320. I was so looking forward to that and it did not go

321. as I thought it would

322. So we're not going to be a part of Sabre anymore?

323. Actually nothing is going to be a part of Sabre anymore

324. Jo Bennett's planning on liquidating the rest of the company

325. Oof!

326. Wouldn't want to be a Sabre employee right about now.

327. I'm actually the CEO

328. Ah

329. I didn't realize you were standing there

330. Hey, my friend, trust me

331. This is for the best I never understood that corporate mess

332. Well, okay. Well, great to meet you

333. Likewise, I'm Bob Bob Kazamakis.

334. Pleasure

335. I'd love to give you a little rundown

336. on what I've learned about this place.

337. That's very gracious of you, Bob

338. Please

339. I guess I better take off these dirty rags

340. and figure out how to be a manager of this place.

341. Perhaps your year of experience

342. managing this branch will come in handy.

343. Gosh, I hope so

344. No! God, Mose. God

345. Hi, Angela

346. Get out of the car Get out!

347. Where is he? Where is he?

348. I'm not supposed to say Yes, tell me!

349. Tell me where he is

350. Mose! Damn it Where did he go?

351. Mose, get back here

352. See that smile

353. Jump in here Come on

354. Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all.

355. May I say one thing?

356. It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind

357. "The quality of mercy is not strained.'

358. No

359. "It dropeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath."

360. Do not bring Shakespeare into this

361. How dare you play the "Bard Card."

362. "It blesseth he who gives and he who takes.

363. "'Tis mightiest in the mightiest.'

364. one mother ♪ delicious moment.

365. Is that too much to ask?

366. If I were to hire you back, if

367. what do you think you would do well?

368. Special projects manager That's my background.

369. doing whatever I want

370. All right, you sly bastard when can you start?

371. Okay, everyone

372. with Bob

373. and since I am going to be CEO now, there'll be no need for him

374. Ouch! That's got to hurt

375. But he is going to make so much money from the liquidation,

376. he's going to be freed up to do

377. something much more important. What?

378. David has generously offered to donate $1,000,000 in matching funds

379. to a cause that's very dear to me

380. So for the next three years I'll be traveling overseas,

381. concentrating all of my efforts on educating, mentoring

382. some African, some Asian, but mainly Eastern European women

383. I had no idea how pervasive

384. this problem was until Bob explained it to me

385. Oprah Winfrey's Leadership Academy

386. and other schools like it while wonderful, end with high school.

387. I want to see these girls right through college.

388. Especially the gymnasts

389. They've lost so many years of crucial education

390. to perfecting their bodies

391. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom

392. Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts?

393. Yeah. So I'm hoping to identify some truly exceptional women

394. who show great promise

395. Well, Andy, it's been fun

396. Hmm

397. It's been a great year

398. Hello Where is it?

399. They're testing it now

400. How long does it take to get the results?

401. Seventy-two hours

402. You're going to wait here?

403. Yes

404. Dwight, I can't do this Dwight

405. Hey Senator Lipton.

406. Hey, how are you?

407. You didn't call

408. Um

409. Well, the issue that concerned me

410. You know what this is about.

411. Call