1. This is Pam.
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2. Oh, my God, are you sure?
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3. Okay, we'll be right there.
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4. Everybody,
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5. the balloon is falling.
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6. Nice.
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7. A balloon has floating in the rafters
of the warehouse for, like, ever.
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8. And, okay, it's not...
it doesn't sound cool.
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9. You just have to see it.
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10. I guess
it doesn't look that cool either.
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11. But it's been up there a long time,
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12. so it's become a pretty big deal.
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13. Wow.
It's the end of an era.
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14. Did a good job, buddy.
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15. Now it's time to come home.
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16. I remember
when that balloon went up there.
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17. I was still with gil.
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18. We were so happy.
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19. When that went up there,
I had hair like Rapunzel.
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20. How long do you think
it's been up there, Kevin?
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21. I just remember
pushing aside my silky bangs to say,
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22. "Look, a balloon."
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23. My Warcraft clan
was still on speaking terms.
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24. My kid didn't have a face tattoo.
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25. I was still thinking
of going back to school.
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26. And I was still just
a paper salesman.
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27. This has been fun, Pam.
Thanks for calling us all down here.
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28. Kill the balloon.
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29. Kill the balloon.
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30. - Feygnasse Team -
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31. La Fabrique:.
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32. 8x19 : Get The Girl
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33. They accidentally gave us
an extra egg sandwich this morning.
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34. - Who wants it?
- Right here, right here.
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35. Allow me to solve your problem then.
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36. That is disgusting.
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37. Do you call that
a King James breakfast pie?
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38. What brings you to town?
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39. Certainly not
the Harry Houdini Museum.
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40. What a nobody.
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41. Look, some Hungarian
just found their way out of a sack.
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42. Let's build a shrine.
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43. No, I've come to work here.
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44. What?
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45. How could Robert transfer Nellie here
after the Sabre store debacle?
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46. She stinks of failure.
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47. The fact that she could show her face
around here is an embarrassment.
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48. I should know.
I'm in an identical situation.
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49. Robert did say you'd be joining us.
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50. Welcome.
I'm Tony.
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51. What?
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52. I said, I'm Tony.
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53. Okay, I made a mistake.
I thought it might go unnoticed.
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54. But I'm Toby.
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55. You messed up saying your name?
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56. It happens, okay?
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57. So let's just find
an empty desk for you,
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58. and I'm sure Robert will be with you
as soon as he gets in.
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59. - That one looks empty.
- No, it's Andy's office.
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60. Oh, is it?
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61. I have one simple philosophy
in business:
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62. If the seat is open, the job is open.
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63. It's how I came to briefly race
a formula one car.
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64. The three slowest laps ever recorded.
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65. Another beautiful day in Tallahassee.
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66. - Good morning, Alonzo.
- Good morning, Erin.
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67. How are you?
How's your family doing?
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68. Look at this place!
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69. Five rooms,
and I get to clean them all.
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70. That's right,
I'm a maid for an old lady.
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71. Her grandson's staying with us too,
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72. because he ran out of money.
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73. Listen to me, bragging away.
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74. How are you adjusting
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75. to life in Scranton so far?
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76. - So far, so good.
- Good.
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77. Water pressure in the hotel
is marvelous.
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78. Ah, well, it is astounding
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79. what a difference
that can make, isn't it?
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80. Now let's find you
something fun to do here, shall we?
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81. Oh, I've already found it.
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82. I am manager,
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83. a natural next step.
It fits like a glove.
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84. We have a manager.
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85. Do you really?
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86. Because it is 10:00,
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87. I've been in this chair for an hour,
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88. and no other manager
has come and sat in my lap.
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89. Excuse me,
has anyone seen Andy this morning?
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90. Yes that's weird
he's usually here by now.
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91. Right, guys?
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92. Andy, it's Robert.
Why aren't you at work?
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93. I really wish I could
come into work today,
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94. but I'm super sick.
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95. I don't care, I don't care.
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96. Please come to work immediately.
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97. Okay, I'll try to come in,
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98. even though
I'm really sick with the...
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99. Florida flu.
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100. He just hung up on me mid-sentence.
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101. I'm in Florida to get Erin.
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102. As soon as I heard
she wasn't coming back to Scranton,
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103. I jumped in my car
and drove down till I hit the ocean.
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104. My heart is my map.
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105. Turns out Tallahassee
is about 200 miles inland,
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106. so I overshot a good amount.
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107. But still,
not bad for a heart map, right?
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108. Thanks a lot, B.P.
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109. Not much we can do about this
until he gets here.
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110. Can't you do anything?
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111. Sometimes the flowers
arrange themselves, Jim.
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112. Right.
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113. What is going on?
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114. And where's Andy?
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115. And what is going on?
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116. - Erin, you got a package.
- I'm in the bathroom.
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117. Where's the postage?
There's no shipping label.
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118. Did you wash your hands?
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119. Here I am
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120. Signed, sealed, delivered
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121. I'm yours
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122. What are you doing here?
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123. It's great to see you.
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124. I am here
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125. to take you back to Scranton,
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126. because I love you
and I want to be with you.
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127. Where's the ring?
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128. Where's the ring, Lancelot?
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129. Would you mind
if we talk privately for a second?
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130. Sorry, Glenn.
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131. I am so happy to see you.
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132. But I'm not coming back with you.
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133. Why won't she go with him?
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134. I don't know.
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135. Maybe it's because
he's not that handsome.
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136. Don't listen.
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137. So, what is going on?
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138. That does seem to be
the question, doesn't it?
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139. Hey, this is messed up, bro.
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140. Who is this weird lady?
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141. I know.
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142. It's a lot.
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143. Who knows what's going on?
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144. Anyone?
You, yes.
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145. Wait, I am very good
at intuiting names.
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146. Is it...
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147. Chumbo?
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148. I think it's a cross
between "Dumbo" and "Jumbo".
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149. With a hint of "chubby."
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150. It's not a name.
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151. So no one can tell me
what's going on.
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152. Let me illuminate things for you.
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153. We are getting to know each other.
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154. But why, m'lady?
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155. Because I am your new manager.
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156. Robert, is Nellie our new manager?
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157. This is an odd situation.
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158. But it's very interesting
how it's playing out.
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159. We live in this world
of routines and rhythms.
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160. Kevin ate someone's lunch,
Phyllis has a new necklace.
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161. Who is this woman?
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162. I came in here
trying to get to know you,
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163. learn your names,
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164. maybe have someone teach me
the company song.
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165. And what I got in return
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166. was nothing but disrespect.
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167. You leave me no choice
but to know you in anintimate way.
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168. - Hot tub party?
- Performance reviews.
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169. How can you give us reviews
if you don't know us?
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170. On first impressions,
so I recommend smiling.
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171. It goes a long way with me.
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172. Erin, you really nailed
the hot dogs today.
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173. I've been reusing the hot dog water
so it gets more flavor.
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174. It's going to keep getting better.
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175. How does your skinny
brunette girlfriend Jessica
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176. feel about you
visiting your ex-girlfriend?
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177. Well, we're not
really dating anymore, so...
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178. I just have to cross a few "T's
and dot a few "I's.
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179. So you came to get me
but you still have a girlfriend.
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180. I think you should leave, young man.
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181. All right, technically, yes,
I am still technically dating Jessica.
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182. But when I realized
that I wanted you back,
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183. I jumped in the car,
and I drove here,
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184. and I didn't want to stop
until I saw you.
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185. You didn't even stop to pee?
Gross.
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186. Any luck?
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187. He just keeps letting
all the calls go to voicemail.
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188. Please leave a message
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189. for Andy Bernard.
Include your na...
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190. You're doing so good,
you're Superman over there.
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191. You should take it.
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192. It's probably your girlfriend,
wondering where you are.
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193. Nope, it's just work.
Not important.
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194. I can really feel this in my quads.
I can tell I'm getting stronger.
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195. You really wouldn't
feel those results after one session.
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196. I don't know.
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197. Just let it vibrate.
It's fine.
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198. You could put it on silent.
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199. I don't think it does that.
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200. - Just go to preferences, then click...
- Proctology.
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201. Andy, where are you?
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202. I'm home in bed.
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203. I've been in bed all day.
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204. I got the serious poops.
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205. He's here in Tallahassee
trying to turn my life upside down.
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206. What?
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207. You're in Florida?
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208. Nellie Bertram
is trying to take your job.
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209. What do you mean?
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210. Set up camp in your office
and is calling herself the manager.
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211. Jim, I really appreciate you
looking out for me.
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212. But I'm not coming home without Erin.
So I'll talk to you later.
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213. We cannot do
these performance reviews, okay?
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214. If we go into them, you're basically
accepting Nellie as your manager,
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215. and trust me, you do not
want her as your manager.
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216. Trust you?
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217. The way Pam trusted you to provide
for her so she wouldn't have to work?
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218. - I like working here.
- Dwight, should she be our manager?
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219. I wouldn't let her
manage a celery farm.
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220. Those who can't farm farm celery.
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221. And when was the last time
Dwight and I agreed on anything ever?
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222. All right, let's get going.
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223. First up, it is the woman
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224. with the beautiful fingernails
and the tiny feet,
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225. Phyllis.
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226. I'm sorry,
but I don't feel comfortable
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227. being evaluated
by someone I don't know.
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228. Oh, oh, okay, I understand.
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229. Let me show you
how these are going to go.
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230. I refuse to be judged
by someone that I do not respect.
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231. I lost respect for you in Florida.
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232. If it was up to me,
you would be in jail forever.
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233. Dwight, I have completed
your evaluation.
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234. You're getting a raise.
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235. What?
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236. Dwight, you carry this company
on your massive shoulders.
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237. You are our Atlas,
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238. and for that, do you not
think you deserve a raise?
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239. There's no limit
to what I think I deserve.
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240. - Then you accept it?
- 5%, no less.
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241. Absolutely not.
7%.
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242. 6%.
I know my worth.
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243. Raise isn't real.
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244. Money isn't real
ever since we got off the gold standard.
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245. Now you know the rules of the game.
Would you care to have a go?
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246. I'm fairly certain
you're going to like it.
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247. So, Phyllis,
I have been very impressed with you.
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248. Really?
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249. The way you conquered your fear
and came in here,
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250. and now the way you sit there...
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251. All very impressive.
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252. Are you aware
that Nellie is giving out raises?
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253. I am not.
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254. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.
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255. Let me guess, you want one too?
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256. Take the family to Disneytown?
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257. Land. World.
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258. It's not that I don't want a...
Yes, I guess I'd take a raise.
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259. That's not what I'm saying.
Sorry.
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260. Jim, I told Andy to come in,
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261. and yet, he is still not in.
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262. By contrast,
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263. Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum
and filled it.
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264. To make no mention
of her business experience
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265. or her relationship
with Jo Bennett, my boss.
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266. Would you prefer a nature metaphor
or a sexual metaphor?
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267. Oh, God, nature, please.
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268. When two animals are having sex,
one of them...
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269. Is communicating a message
to the other.
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270. Nothing is mutua...
this isn't very helpful.
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271. You're going to want
to hear the sexual metaphor.
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272. Was that not the...
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273. All life is sex.
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274. And all sex is competition.
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275. And there are no rules to that game.
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276. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?
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277. Was that it?
No, that wasn't bad.
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278. My point is,
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279. there is one person in charge
of every office in America,
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280. and that person is Charles Darwin.
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281. In the end, doesn't he decide
who the manager is?
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282. I would've said no.
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283. Let's see ***.
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284. Yes, good stuff.
Here you go, have a raise.
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285. Oh, great.
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286. If we go in there and take these raises,
what are we saying?
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287. That it's okay for someone
to just take someone else's job?
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288. Shouldn't work like that.
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289. No, you know what?
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290. Nellie's right.
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291. That is exactly how it should work.
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292. Darryl, this office is mine now.
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293. Sorry, too late.
I'm here.
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294. This is mine.
Back off.
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295. Well fought.
I accept the outcome.
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296. Touch me and I'll sue.
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297. I've heard that's amazing
when it works.
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298. - Yeah, if I had my own...
- Andy, I care about you and...
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299. Sorry, you go.
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300. No, go ahead.
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301. I was just going to say that,
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302. if I had my own fountain,
it would be two frogs
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303. that are spitting
into each other's mouth.
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304. It's just stupid.
What were you going to say?
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305. Andy, you broke my heart.
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306. Do you know what it feels like
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307. to be constantly rejected by you
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308. and to have to watch you
date someone else?
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309. You broke my heart too.
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310. You broke my heart
more recently and more often.
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311. And I think, at some point, in my head,
it just sort of clicked
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312. that we're not meant to be.
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313. I'm so sorry that we have not loved
each other at the same time.
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314. I know.
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315. So, Pamela.
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316. I'm gonna start this review
not by telling you what you lack
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317. but rather asking you
what is it you want.
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318. Really?
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319. Okay, well,
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320. I like consistency
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321. in the manager's position,
no weird silent coups.
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322. - Stuff like that. I'm easy.
- That's not really what you want.
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323. What you want is a good night's sleep,
working mother of two.
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324. That's kind of condescending.
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325. Would you say something like that
to Jim?
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326. Does Jim have to breastfeed?
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327. Did Jim carry around
those babies for...
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328. What is it?
12 months?
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329. Be honest,
does Jim really get up in the night?
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330. Well, I mean,
the only reason he doesn't
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331. is because I'm breastfeeding,
and Phillip doesn't like a bottle.
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332. You must be exhausted.
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333. Fancy a nap?
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334. Go on.
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335. Have a nap.
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336. Lie down
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337. right here.
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338. There's a blanket in here.
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339. I used it earlier myself.
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340. Dreamt I could breathe underwater
like Jacques Cousteau.
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341. No one will know.
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342. I'll wake you up.
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343. And when you wake up,
you will earn more money.
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344. I think...
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345. you're a witch.
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346. I think
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347. you're amazing.
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348. You know that, right?
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349. Go on, say it:
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350. "I'm amazing."
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351. I'm amazing.
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352. Erin, I think you're making
a big mistake right now.
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353. Andy is a nice boy.
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354. Really?
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355. 'Cause you've been kind of
a "B" to him all afternoon.
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356. I was protecting you,
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357. because I thought he was no good.
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358. But I can tell you really like him.
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359. And he's willing
to lose his job for you
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360. in this economy
with Europe on the brink...
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361. Irene, what would you do without me?
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362. We're not your concern, sweetheart.
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363. Besides, Glenn's going
to sue home depot.
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364. Why?
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365. He got his foreskin caught
in some lawn furniture.
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366. Jim, time for your review.
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367. No, it's not,
because you don't really work here.
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368. Why are you so staunchly defending
your friend, who has abandoned you?
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369. Wouldn't you rather
come talk with me?
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370. Maybe definitely get a raise?
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371. - Yeah, that's the thing.
- I don't know if you can give raises.
Copy !req
372. Jim, have you ever heard
of a character named Tinkerbell?
Copy !req
373. I'm Tinkerbell.
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374. I'm a magical fairy
who floated into your office
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375. to bring a little bit
of magic into your lives,
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376. to give you all raises.
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377. And we are grateful.
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378. But here's the thing
about Tinkerbell, Jim.
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379. Everyone has to believe in her
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380. or she doesn't exist.
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381. - She dies.
- She dies!
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382. Now who here
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383. believes in Tinkerbell?
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384. Show of hands.
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385. I do.
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386. - Come on, everyone.
- All right, guys, stop.
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387. - I already spent the money.
- How?
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388. Come on, Jim, you're killing her.
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389. We believe!
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390. We believe!
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391. Look at this wonderful recognition
of Nellie's leadership.
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392. I believe.
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393. That did not go how I wanted it to.
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394. I have a ton of Erin's favorite food
for the drive back, eggplant parm.
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395. It's biodegradable.
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396. Animals will eat it.
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397. Andy, wait!
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398. Andy, wait.
Andy, don't go.
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399. Andy, I love you!
Stop!
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400. This is the wrong Prius.
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401. I don't love you.
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402. I'm sorry.
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403. - Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
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404. - We have to go back and get your stuff.
- No, I don't have any stuff.
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405. - Your toothbrush.
- I don't have one.
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406. You don't have a toothbrush?
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407. - How do you not have a toothbrush?
- I just... there's always one around.
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408. - You use whichever one's sitting there?
- I always find one.
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409. - Have you heard of buying a toothbrush?
- Of course. I own my toothbrush.
Copy !req
410. I grew up poor.
I had little formal education.
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411. No real skills.
I don't work especially hard...
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412. And most of my ideas
are either unoriginal
Copy !req
413. or total crap.
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414. And yet...
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415. I walked right into a job for which
I was ill prepared, ill seated,
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416. and somebody else already had
and I got it.
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417. If you ask me, that's the American dream
right there,
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418. anything can happen to anyone.
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419. It's just random.
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