1. Okay. Bye.Copy !req
2. Everyone, stop what you're doing.
I have terrible news.Copy !req
3. Dwight is
no longer with us.Copy !req
4. What?
What?Copy !req
5. He's gone, damn it.Copy !req
6. He's been promoted to
V.P. of Sabre RetailCopy !req
7. and he's staying
in Florida forever.Copy !req
8. So, he's alive?Copy !req
9. Yeah. That was him on the phone.
He sounds wonderful.Copy !req
10. Well, the way you said it made
it sound like he was dead.Copy !req
11. How could I have
been more clear?Copy !req
12. He had a massive
stroke of good fortuneCopy !req
13. and he is now in
a better place.Copy !req
14. If Dwight's not coming back, does
that mean we can open his treasure?Copy !req
15. You guys, we've gone over
this, there is no treasure.Copy !req
16. When the team
left for Tallahassee,Copy !req
17. Dwight told everyone
not to touch his treasure.Copy !req
18. Don't touch my treasure.Copy !req
19. Okay? You understand?Copy !req
20. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it.
There's nothing in there.Copy !req
21. Which is obviously what he
would want us to think,Copy !req
22. making it the perfect
place to hide a treasure.Copy !req
23. Oh, God, I'm Wallace Shawn
in The Princess Bride.Copy !req
24. I think that Dwight
wanted us to realizeCopy !req
25. that this conversation among
friends is the true treasure.Copy !req
26. No,no, no.Copy !req
27. I am dying to
know what's in there.Copy !req
28. Yeah, I know, Oscar. We all are.
But nobody's going to open it.Copy !req
29. You'd have to be insane.Copy !req
30. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
31. Now carefully open the box.Copy !req
32. It's a photo of all of us.Copy !req
33. Oh, that's so sweet.Copy !req
34. A dart?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
35. Who would put a poison dart... Well, I
mean, I don't know that it's poisoned.Copy !req
36. I mean,
I just have to imagine.Copy !req
37. God, I'm glad
he's okay though.Copy !req
38. Kind of sounds
like he deserved it,Copy !req
39. opening another man's
treasure and all. Wow!Copy !req
40. Well, Mister Ball, it's been a pleasure.
Now, give my regards to hell!Copy !req
41. All right!
Well swung by VIPVP.Copy !req
42. I am loving the chemistry
between you two.Copy !req
43. I am so happy Dwight is going
to be working alongside me.Copy !req
44. We are a regular Archibald
and his man, George.Copy !req
45. I bet. I'm excited.Copy !req
46. Trick! There's no such thing.
It's not even a real English duo.Copy !req
47. Ah!Copy !req
48. I just made you look like the Goat of Dover.
And that doesn't exist either.Copy !req
49. You think you're excited?
You should feel my nipples.Copy !req
50. Pong!Copy !req
51. Oh, that reminds me... Little
something from all of us.Copy !req
52. Oh, my gosh. Thank you, Jim.
That's so thoughtful.Copy !req
53. Fore! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
54. He doesn't even care.Copy !req
55. I don't even care!Copy !req
56. This is the last time
I'll ever see Dwight.Copy !req
57. It's a weird feeling.
It's, um...Copy !req
58. What's the word?
It's not "bittersweet."Copy !req
59. It's "sweet." Yeah.Copy !req
60. Hey, man.
Selling cookies for Jada.Copy !req
61. You want
the same as last year?Copy !req
62. Would if I could
and I can so I will.Copy !req
63. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is.
Dealer's choice.Copy !req
64. I'll put you down
for shortbreads.Copy !req
65. Damn it.Copy !req
66. Knock, knock. Hey.Copy !req
67. It's Sasha's
first year in the troopCopy !req
68. so I'm selling
cookies for her.Copy !req
69. Anyway, would you
like some?Copy !req
70. No. No.
What?Copy !req
71. I've been selling here for five years.
This is my spot.Copy !req
72. You can't claim territories. This is
the only place I interact with people.Copy !req
73. Why can't you sell it
at your church or barbershop?Copy !req
74. Or chess club?Copy !req
75. You know what? It's your first
time, we'll split the office.Copy !req
76. You can have Sales, the Annex,
Creed, and I don't know.Copy !req
77. I'll just take Accounting.Copy !req
78. That's it?
Yeah. Well, okay.Copy !req
79. Thanks, Darryl.
Okay, great.Copy !req
80. All I need is Kevin.Copy !req
81. Dude buys more cookies
than everyone combined.Copy !req
82. And then some.Copy !req
83. When I first started selling cookies,
he was a relatively thin man.Copy !req
84. Not a thin man, mind you.
Relatively thin.Copy !req
85. Hey, Lucy, I'm home!
Babaloo.Copy !req
86. Here, let me help.Copy !req
87. I got it. It was so busy at the store today.
Really good cheese nibbles.Copy !req
88. I had like a hundred.Copy !req
89. Irene hired me as
her live-in helper.Copy !req
90. We met at
the store launch.Copy !req
91. I told her I was moving here
and I needed a placeCopy !req
92. and it just
sort of made sense.Copy !req
93. I basically do
everything for her.Copy !req
94. I run errands, I do
chores around the house.Copy !req
95. I cook and clean.Copy !req
96. Honestly, I don't know
how she survived without me.Copy !req
97. When can I introduce you to my grandson?
He's a wonderful swimmer.Copy !req
98. Shallow end, deep end.
He does it all.Copy !req
99. Well, today might be
kind of tough, Irene.Copy !req
100. I have to talk to
my old boss, Andy,Copy !req
101. and tell him I'm
staying in Florida.Copy !req
102. Oh! What kind
of tea is this?Copy !req
103. Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.Copy !req
104. Oh!
Oh!Copy !req
105. In England, they put the holes a
little bit to the right, you see.Copy !req
106. We'll just chalk it up
to cultural bias.Copy !req
107. If I may.Copy !req
108. Try holding the putter, you
know, with your wrists here,Copy !req
109. and your thumbs here.Copy !req
110. Oh.Copy !req
111. That's right.
Your little finger.Copy !req
112. Would you like to
buy some cookies?Copy !req
113. Cookies, eh?Copy !req
114. Mmm-hmm.
Hmm.Copy !req
115. Oh, the spring time
thinks that it's the bestCopy !req
116. And fall time
thinks that it's the bestCopy !req
117. Cold time has
kind of a strutCopy !req
118. And Valentine's
thinks that it's the bestCopy !req
119. But gather round, peeps
I'll tell you the truthCopy !req
120. Nothing beats the cookie
season That's the truthCopy !req
121. It's not
a scratch and sniff, Kev.Copy !req
122. I know. But sometimes you
still get a little something.Copy !req
123. Hey, you tricked me.
You just wanted Kevin.Copy !req
124. You're new to the game.
You learned a lesson today.Copy !req
125. See you next year, sport.Copy !req
126. No, no, no, that's not fair. What if
Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?Copy !req
127. I do.
See?Copy !req
128. That doesn't mean anything. Kevin,
do you want to buy cookies from me?Copy !req
129. Oh, I definitely do.Copy !req
130. Huh. Hit the road, Jack.Copy !req
131. No, you hit the road, Jack.Copy !req
132. Hey, guys, come on.
Don't fight over me.Copy !req
133. Why don't we split the order?
It's only fair.Copy !req
134. No, wait, no. I'm buying.
I make the rules.Copy !req
135. I actually do want
you to fight over me.Copy !req
136. I want to be wined and
dined and sixty-nined.Copy !req
137. Ugh!Copy !req
138. Metaphorically sixty-nined.
Ew! Perverts.Copy !req
139. No offense, Oscar.Copy !req
140. Hop in! We have places to be!
No rest for the wicked.Copy !req
141. All right,
so I guess this is it.Copy !req
142. Well, Jim, I just want to say that
we haven't always gotten along.Copy !req
143. And, at times, I've even
hated your guts, but...Copy !req
144. Bye, bye. I win.Copy !req
145. Good-bye, Dwight.Copy !req
146. Robert! Race you to the clubhouse!
Gentleman's bet!Copy !req
147. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
148. Well, he's
Florida's problem now.Copy !req
149. Oh, let Dwight
have his fun.Copy !req
150. Today will not be his day.Copy !req
151. What's that?Copy !req
152. I'm going to
tank the Sabre storeCopy !req
153. at the presentation
to the board.Copy !req
154. I thought you
liked the store.Copy !req
155. No, the store is lovely.Copy !req
156. You created a wonderful space
to showcase our product line.Copy !req
157. Great job. Cheers.Copy !req
158. Thank you.Copy !req
159. But there's a reason we sell our
products online and over the phone.Copy !req
160. Have you ever used
Sabre electronics, Jim?Copy !req
161. They're cheap,
they're unintuitive.Copy !req
162. The Sabre store
would workCopy !req
163. if we adopted
the carnival modelCopy !req
164. of leaving town once
everyone's wise to us.Copy !req
165. Wow. When you put it that way, I
guess it does sound pretty terrible.Copy !req
166. I couldn't just kill the project from the start.
Jo Bennett endorsed it.Copy !req
167. Shame, though.
I did like Dwight.Copy !req
168. Robert, I'm going to win! Ha-ha!
I'm the gentleman! Suck it!Copy !req
169. Bravo, Dwight!
Very good!Copy !req
170. Shame.Copy !req
171. The math is simple, folks!Copy !req
172. Deeper market penetration plus greater
visibility will raise Sabre...Copy !req
173. To the power of two.
To the power of two.Copy !req
174. How did that look?Copy !req
175. I'm not just
saying this,Copy !req
176. that was the best
thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
177. Told you.Copy !req
178. When you guys do that whole
"power of two" shebang,Copy !req
179. how about I pop up also?Copy !req
180. I guess we'd have to
say "power of three."Copy !req
181. Actually you know what?
Yeah, that actually works.Copy !req
182. You'd spin off right,
I'd spin off...Copy !req
183. You know what?
That is a great idea.Copy !req
184. Cathy, write that down
and print it out.Copy !req
185. It's going to make some
really good toilet paper.Copy !req
186. All right.
There he is.Copy !req
187. What are you doing here?
I thought I got rid of you.Copy !req
188. Can I just talk to you
for one quick second?Copy !req
189. What? Your stylist
ran out of messy spray?Copy !req
190. Um, actually, it's for your own good.
I think we should...Copy !req
191. You want to do
something for my own good?Copy !req
192. Turn around,
walk out that door.Copy !req
193. Do not stop until
you get to Scranton.Copy !req
194. Find my cell phone charger, mail
it back to me and then go to hell.Copy !req
195. Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell
you, you look like Wooly Willy?Copy !req
196. Silence.Copy !req
197. I'm just trying to...Copy !req
198. I know what
you're trying to do.Copy !req
199. I don't want it.Copy !req
200. But your face does look like
the guy from Operation.Copy !req
201. It's the same guy.
That's the joke I made.Copy !req
202. Different guy.
You know what...Copy !req
203. I just think
you should know...Copy !req
204. That you look like
the world's tallest hobbit.Copy !req
205. Well, I tried. You saw it.
So, it's on the record.Copy !req
206. I have a plane to catch.Copy !req
207. Can you help me? I'm trying to
make a video chat with Andy.Copy !req
208. Just open the program
and type in his username.Copy !req
209. Can you just do it?Copy !req
210. You type in your password.Copy !req
211. Erin, one, two, three.Copy !req
212. That's a terrible password.Copy !req
213. And you don't
make a video chat.Copy !req
214. You video chat.
All right.Copy !req
215. Hello.Copy !req
216. That's so weird. There's
something wrong with my laptop.Copy !req
217. Oh.Copy !req
218. I fixed it.Copy !req
219. Now mine's broken.
Hang on.Copy !req
220. Oh, there we go.Copy !req
221. He said "I did like Dwight"?
He's going to fire him.Copy !req
222. No,no, no,
I think it was more like,Copy !req
223. "I liked him,
but I don't anymoreCopy !req
224. "because he did a bad job, so I'm
definitely going to yell at him."Copy !req
225. Robert doesn't
talk like that.Copy !req
226. You have to stop Dwight
from doing this.Copy !req
227. I tried.
He will not listen.Copy !req
228. Did you actually
try your hardest?Copy !req
229. Yes. My pretty hardest.Copy !req
230. Look, you haven't dealt with
him in a while, all right?Copy !req
231. He's like Super Dwight.Copy !req
232. It's like he's been bitten by a
radioactive Dwight or something.Copy !req
233. Stanley, back me up.Copy !req
234. Don't talk to me.Copy !req
235. Stanley's very upset
that we're leaving Florida,Copy !req
236. but he would back me up.Copy !req
237. If Dwight's about to get
fired, you have to tell him.Copy !req
238. Just get the words out,
that's all you can do.Copy !req
239. Okay. All right.Copy !req
240. What's a skinny guy like Toby
know about cookies?Copy !req
241. You can't trust
him to understandCopy !req
242. the wants and needs
of the thick man.Copy !req
243. Maybe Toby from
two years ago.Copy !req
244. Yeah.
That's true.Copy !req
245. If I have a question about
my cookies at midnight,Copy !req
246. who am I going to call?Copy !req
247. Darryl. Toby's probably
in bed with some model.Copy !req
248. Thank you.Copy !req
249. I'm not going to comment
on my personal life.Copy !req
250. Look, I need this. Okay, your
daughter is a pretty little girl.Copy !req
251. Let her go door to door.Copy !req
252. You think people are going to buy
cookies from my chubby daughter?Copy !req
253. Ooh.Copy !req
254. Baby, if you're watching this,
you're not chubby. You're beautiful.Copy !req
255. Daddy's just got to
sell some cookies.Copy !req
256. And we're also going to exercise more.
It's going to be fun.Copy !req
257. Oh. You know what you
have to do to decide?Copy !req
258. You need to make them do things
for you and buy you things.Copy !req
259. Or have them sing that song that
the frog does in Looney Tunes.Copy !req
260. Make them kiss each other.Copy !req
261. Make them kiss me.Copy !req
262. Ew!Copy !req
263. Yes, this is, too, tan.Copy !req
264. This right here.
No.Copy !req
265. This is a tan spot.Copy !req
266. I don't buy it. And that is a freckle.
That is not a tan, okay?Copy !req
267. I'm going to have to inspect it
in person when you get back here.Copy !req
268. I want you looking totally
Puertorriqueña when I see you.Copy !req
269. Well, Andy,
I'm not coming back.Copy !req
270. What?Copy !req
271. I have a job here.
I work for an old lady.Copy !req
272. Hello.Copy !req
273. Andy?Copy !req
274. Yeah, that's awesome.
That's great.Copy !req
275. Oh, baby, telephoneCopy !req
276. And tell me I'm your ownCopy !req
277. Okay, this is tough
because Darryl,Copy !req
278. you sang better and
you danced better,Copy !req
279. but Toby has that indescribable
quality that makes a star.Copy !req
280. I think I've
reached my decision.Copy !req
281. I've decided that you guys are
going to keep doing things for me.Copy !req
282. No,no,no, no.
It's not worth it.Copy !req
283. No.Copy !req
284. No, it's not worth it?
That's too bad.Copy !req
285. Because I was feeling
particularly hungry this year.Copy !req
286. Yeah, okay, so what?
You buy 40 boxes?Copy !req
287. HungrierCopy !req
288. 50?Copy !req
289. HungrierCopy !req
290. You're not
talking triple digits?Copy !req
291. Oh, yeah,
I'm talking triple digits.Copy !req
292. Again.Copy !req
293. Hello,
ma baby Hello, ma honeyCopy !req
294. Hello, ma ragtime galCopy !req
295. It's show time.Copy !req
296. Dwight!Copy !req
297. You again? Gosh, I keep throwing
you away, you keep flying back.Copy !req
298. You're like
an Amish return stick.Copy !req
299. Okay, great, listen, listen to me.Copy !req
300. No,no,no, no.Copy !req
301. Will you just let me
tell you one thing, please?Copy !req
302. Yes, you may tell me one thing.
Great.Copy !req
303. Wait, do you want to borrow money?
Listen to me.Copy !req
304. Robert is going to
veto the Sabre store.Copy !req
305. Jim, come on.Copy !req
306. Dwight, he's going to kill the store.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
307. And then I'm pretty sure
he's going to fire you for it.Copy !req
308. Wait, he's going to kill the
store and he's going to fire me?Copy !req
309. Yes.Copy !req
310. That's two things.Copy !req
311. Dwight, please.
Nice try, Jim.Copy !req
312. Your pranks have
never worked in the pastCopy !req
313. and they're not
going to work today.Copy !req
314. Okay, first of all,
they've mostly worked so...Copy !req
315. You know what? You might
want to get to the airport.Copy !req
316. It's going to take you a long
time to get through securityCopy !req
317. with all those beauty products.
Bye.Copy !req
318. Dwight, come on.Copy !req
319. Nothing is going to stop me.
That is the mark of a great man.Copy !req
320. Unstoppability.Copy !req
321. Dunder Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those
things vanish in my rear view mirror.Copy !req
322. Now, if you'll excuse me.
I have a date with destiny.Copy !req
323. And from what I hear
she's a...Copy !req
324. Help! Help!Copy !req
325. Gross, don't lick my hand. God,
why is there so much saliva?Copy !req
326. All I had to do
was think about pieCopy !req
327. and my salivary glands
did the rest.Copy !req
328. Gross! What? What? What?
What?Copy !req
329. Oh, God, Jim!
Oh! My appendix!Copy !req
330. I'm sorry.Copy !req
331. My wound hasn't healed yet.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
332. Oh, man. I'm so sorry. I forgot.Copy !req
333. Are you all right?
Are you okay?Copy !req
334. Where the hell is he?
I cannot do this without him.Copy !req
335. I don't know.
He's not picking up.Copy !req
336. Looks like
Shnoot's a no-show.Copy !req
337. Guess he wasn't vice
prezzy material after all.Copy !req
338. But I am.Copy !req
339. Put me in, babe.Copy !req
340. I've got the info down backwards,
forwards, and doggy style.Copy !req
341. I'm your man.Copy !req
342. Right.
Let's begin then.Copy !req
343. Ladies and gentlemen,
allow me to introduceCopy !req
344. the vice president of Sabre
Retail, Mister Todd Packer.Copy !req
345. What's up?Copy !req
346. What are you doing?Copy !req
347. I'm just dealing
with Erin's stuffCopy !req
348. since apparently
she's not coming backCopy !req
349. and she didn't
bother to tell anyone.Copy !req
350. We knew.
Ryan told us.Copy !req
351. Ryan, why didn't you
tell me?Copy !req
352. Thought you
checked my Tumblr.Copy !req
353. You never update it.Copy !req
354. Well, I updated it.Copy !req
355. Does anyone else
think this is weird?Copy !req
356. Like, kind of
uncool, actually?Copy !req
357. To leave us without
a receptionist?Copy !req
358. We'll find
another receptionist.Copy !req
359. I mean, that's easy.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
360. What are you doing?
I'm just trying to...Copy !req
361. Get up. Get up.Copy !req
362. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
363. All right? I'm not
going to let you by.Copy !req
364. Then you know what? I'm going to
just have to run right through you.Copy !req
365. Okay.
What are you doing?Copy !req
366. Are you really revving up?
You know that doesn't work.Copy !req
367. Jackie Chan!Copy !req
368. Go.Copy !req
369. Hi, this is Alex.Copy !req
370. And this is Sam.Copy !req
371. "Kevin can't come to the phone right
now because he's busy with us."Copy !req
372. Perfect.Copy !req
373. Now people will think I'm
doing hot girls all day.Copy !req
374. I don't know, man. They might
think we're drag queens.Copy !req
375. Yeah, I don't know why you picked
names that were also guys' names.Copy !req
376. Okay, now who do I ride to
the kitchen like a pony?Copy !req
377. Don't make me be
your pony, Kevin.Copy !req
378. Forget it, man.Copy !req
379. What do you mean?
I'm out. So is Toby.Copy !req
380. This may be wrong,
but there's a limitCopy !req
381. to what I will do
for my child.Copy !req
382. Yeah.
I have my dignity, too.Copy !req
383. I refuse to be
another man's horsey.Copy !req
384. No, guys, stop! You have
to sell me cookies!Copy !req
385. I'll do anything.Copy !req
386. Hello, my
baby Hello, my honeyCopy !req
387. I'm even going
to kiss Meredith.Copy !req
388. Mmm!Copy !req
389. That's so good.Copy !req
390. What are you doing?
No,no,no, no!Copy !req
391. This ends now!
This is dangerous.Copy !req
392. Thunder slam!Copy !req
393. No!Copy !req
394. Anything else you
need to talk about?Copy !req
395. Nope. That was it.Copy !req
396. Once again,
it's show time.Copy !req
397. What baffles me is how you could
take a perfectly good idea,Copy !req
398. which the great Jo Bennett
rightfully signed off onCopy !req
399. and then, utterly
botch it in execution.Copy !req
400. If I may speak to that,Copy !req
401. I have only
been vice presidentCopy !req
402. of this project for
the last half-hour,Copy !req
403. so the man you want
is Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
404. I don't see Dwight.Copy !req
405. He clearly had
the infinite wisdomCopy !req
406. to stay as far away from
this clown show as possible.Copy !req
407. Whatever you do,
do not blame Todd Packer.Copy !req
408. It is not his fault.Copy !req
409. Blame his upbringing.
His parents.Copy !req
410. The society that would mold
this idiotic creature.Copy !req
411. Fire the employee, yes.Copy !req
412. But not the man.Copy !req
413. You may not
cancel his soul.Copy !req
414. That was never
on the table.Copy !req
415. Are you kidding?Copy !req
416. She's the queen of the
whole frigging magilla.Copy !req
417. And yet, Todd,
it's you who's fired.Copy !req
418. Wait, I can't get fired.
I'm an institution.Copy !req
419. I have been at this
company for 20 years.Copy !req
420. How many of you have
been here that long? Huh?Copy !req
421. Hey, hey, they're back.Copy !req
422. Hi! Oh, my gosh!
Look at you guys.Copy !req
423. Dwight, what are you
doing here?Copy !req
424. I thought you were
supposed to be in Florida.Copy !req
425. Yeah, the crazy thing
about that is, um...Copy !req
426. Wow, you look great.
Did you lose some weight?Copy !req
427. Thank you. For someone
who actually noticed this,Copy !req
428. no, I didn't lose weight,
but I started using my makeupCopy !req
429. to contour my face
to look skinnier.Copy !req
430. I actually put on
five pounds.Copy !req
431. Hey, good to
have you back.Copy !req
432. Good to be back.Copy !req
433. Hey, stranger.
Hey.Copy !req
434. Oh, I missed you.
I missed you.Copy !req
435. omCopy !req
436. I'm going to Florida
to get Erin.Copy !req
437. Forgot to turn off my email.
It's crazy, right?Copy !req
438. It's just when she
said she was leaving,Copy !req
439. I felt all... "You're
about to close four tabs,Copy !req
440. "are you sure you
want to continue?"Copy !req
441. Yes, I am sure.Copy !req
442. Ah! Slow computer.Copy !req