1. Everyone stop
what you're doing.Copy !req
2. I have terrible news.Copy !req
3. Dwight is no longer with us.Copy !req
4. What?Copy !req
5. He's gone, damn it!Copy !req
6. He's been promoted
to VP of Sabre retail,Copy !req
7. and he's staying
in Florida forever.Copy !req
8. So... He's alive.Copy !req
9. Yeah.
That was him on the phone.Copy !req
10. He sounds wonderful.Copy !req
11. Well, the way you said it
made it sound like he was dead.Copy !req
12. How could I have been
more clear?Copy !req
13. He had a massive stroke
of good fortuneCopy !req
14. and he is now
in a better place.Copy !req
15. If Dwight's not coming back,Copy !req
16. does that mean we can open
his treasure?Copy !req
17. Uh...Copy !req
18. You guys, we've gone over this.Copy !req
19. There is no treasure.Copy !req
20. When the team left
for Tallahassee,Copy !req
21. Dwight told everyone
not to touch his treasure.Copy !req
22. Don't touch my treasure.Copy !req
23. Okay? You understand?Copy !req
24. Obviously, he wants us
to obsess about it.Copy !req
25. There's nothing in there.Copy !req
26. Which is obviously what
he would want us to think,Copy !req
27. making it the perfect place
to hide a treasure!Copy !req
28. Oh, God, I'm Wallace ShawnCopy !req
29. The Princess Bride!Copy !req
30. I think that Dwight
wanted us to realizeCopy !req
31. that this conversation
among friendsCopy !req
32. is the true treasure.Copy !req
33. That's not Dwight.
No.Copy !req
34. I am dying to know
what's in there.Copy !req
35. Yeah, I know, Oscar.
We all are.Copy !req
36. But nobody's gonna open it.
You'd have to be insane.Copy !req
37. Hi, hello.Copy !req
38. Now carefully open the box.Copy !req
39. It's a photo of all of us.Copy !req
40. Oh, that's so sweet.Copy !req
41. A dart?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
42. Who would put a poison dart—Copy !req
43. Well, I mean, I don't know
that it's poison.Copy !req
44. I mean, I just have to imagine.
God, I'm glad he's okay though.Copy !req
45. Kinda sounds like
he deserved it,Copy !req
46. opening another man's
treasure and all.Copy !req
47. Wow!Copy !req
48. Well, Mr. Ball,
it's been a pleasure.Copy !req
49. Now give my regards to hell!
Dah!Copy !req
50. All right!
Well swung, my VIP VP.Copy !req
51. I am loving the chemistry
between you two.Copy !req
52. I am so happy.Copy !req
53. Dwight is gonna be working
alongside me.Copy !req
54. We are a regular Archibald
and his man George.Copy !req
55. I bet.
I'm excited.Copy !req
56. Trick!
There's no such thing.Copy !req
57. It's not even
a real English duo.Copy !req
58. Ahh!Copy !req
59. I just made you look
like the Goat of Dover.Copy !req
60. And that doesn't exist either.Copy !req
61. You think you're excited?
You should feel my nipples.Copy !req
62. Boing!Copy !req
63. Oh, that reminds me.
Little something from all of us.Copy !req
64. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
65. Thank you, Jim.
That's so thoughtful.Copy !req
66. Fore!Copy !req
67. - Oh, yeah!
- He doesn't even care.Copy !req
68. Don't even care!Copy !req
69. This is the last time
I'll ever see Dwight.Copy !req
70. It's a weird feeling.Copy !req
71. It's, um...Copy !req
72. What's the word?
It's not bittersweet.Copy !req
73. It's, uh...Copy !req
74. Sweet.Copy !req
75. Yeah.Copy !req
76. Hey, man.
Selling cookies for Jada.Copy !req
77. Want the same as last year?Copy !req
78. Would if I could
and I can, so I will.Copy !req
79. Put me down for one box.Copy !req
80. Don't care what it is,
dealer's choice.Copy !req
81. I'll put you down
for shortbreads.Copy !req
82. Damn it!Copy !req
83. Knock, knock.Copy !req
84. Hey, it's Sasha's first year
in the troupe,Copy !req
85. so I'm selling cookies for her.Copy !req
86. - Anyway, would you like some?
- No!Copy !req
87. - No.
- What?Copy !req
88. I've been selling here
for five years.Copy !req
89. This is my spot.Copy !req
90. You can't claim territories.Copy !req
91. This is the only place
I interact with people.Copy !req
92. Can't you sell at...Copy !req
93. Your church or barbershop?Copy !req
94. Or... Chess club?Copy !req
95. You know what?
It's your first time.Copy !req
96. Let's split the office.Copy !req
97. You can have sales,
the annex, creed.Copy !req
98. And I don't know,
I'll just take, uh...Copy !req
99. - Accounting.
- That's it?Copy !req
100. Yeah, well, okay.
Thanks, Darryl.Copy !req
101. Okay.
Great.Copy !req
102. All I need is Kevin.Copy !req
103. Dude buys more cookies
than everyone combined,Copy !req
104. and then some.Copy !req
105. When I first started
selling cookies,Copy !req
106. he was a relatively thin man.Copy !req
107. Not a thin man, mind you.
Relatively thin.Copy !req
108. Hey, Lucy, I'm home!Copy !req
109. Bobaloo!Copy !req
110. - Oh, here, let me help.
- I got it.Copy !req
111. It was so busy
at the store today.Copy !req
112. Really good cheese samples.
I had, like, a hundred.Copy !req
113. Irene hired me
as her live-in helper.Copy !req
114. We met at the store launch.Copy !req
115. I told her I was moving here
and I needed a place.Copy !req
116. And it just sort of made sense.Copy !req
117. I basically do
everything for her.Copy !req
118. I run errands,
I do chores around the house,Copy !req
119. I cook and clean.Copy !req
120. Honestly, I don't know how
she survived without me.Copy !req
121. When can I introduce you
to my grandson?Copy !req
122. He's a wonderful swimmer.Copy !req
123. Shallow end, deep end.
He does it all.Copy !req
124. Well, today might be
kind of tough, Irene.Copy !req
125. I have to talk
to my old boss AndyCopy !req
126. and tell him I'm staying
in Florida.Copy !req
127. Oh, what kind of tea is this?Copy !req
128. Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.Copy !req
129. - Oh.
- Ah!Copy !req
130. In england, they put the holesCopy !req
131. a little bit to the right,
you see?Copy !req
132. We'll just chalk it up
to cultural bias.Copy !req
133. If I may...Copy !req
134. Try holding the putter...Copy !req
135. Here.Copy !req
136. With your wrists here,Copy !req
137. your thumbs here.Copy !req
138. - Oh.
- That's right.Copy !req
139. Your little finger.Copy !req
140. Would you like to buy
some cookies?Copy !req
141. - Cookies, eh?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
142. It's not
a scratch and sniff, Kev.Copy !req
143. I know.Copy !req
144. But sometimes you still
get a little something.Copy !req
145. Hey, you tricked me.
You just wanted Kevin.Copy !req
146. You're new to the game.
You learned a lesson today.Copy !req
147. - See you next year, sport.
- No, no, no. It's not fair.Copy !req
148. What if Kevin wants to buy
cookies from me?Copy !req
149. - I do.
- See?Copy !req
150. That doesn't mean anything.Copy !req
151. Kevin, do you wanna
buy cookies from me?Copy !req
152. Oh, I definitely do.Copy !req
153. Huh.
Hit the road, Jack.Copy !req
154. No, you hit the road, Jack.Copy !req
155. Hey, guys, come on.
Don't fight over me.Copy !req
156. Why don't we split the order?Copy !req
157. It's only fair.Copy !req
158. No, wait, no.
I'm buying, I make the rules.Copy !req
159. I actually do want you
to fight over me.Copy !req
160. I wanna be wined and dined
and... sixty-nined.Copy !req
161. Ugh.Copy !req
162. Metaphorically
sixty-nined.Copy !req
163. Ew! Perverts.Copy !req
164. No offense, Oscar.Copy !req
165. Hop in.
We have places to be.Copy !req
166. No rest for the wicked.
Ha ha.Copy !req
167. All right.
So...Copy !req
168. I guess this is it.Copy !req
169. Well, Jim, I just wanna sayCopy !req
170. that we haven't always
gotten along.Copy !req
171. And at times,
I've even hated your guts.Copy !req
172. But...Copy !req
173. Bye-bye.
I win.Copy !req
174. - Good-bye, Dwight.Copy !req
175. Robert! Race you
to the clubhouse.Copy !req
176. Gentlemen's bet.
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
177. Well, he's Florida's
problem now.Copy !req
178. Oh, let Dwight have his fun.Copy !req
179. - Today will not be his day.
- What's that?Copy !req
180. I'm gonna tank the Sabre storeCopy !req
181. at the presentation
to the board.Copy !req
182. I thought you liked the store.Copy !req
183. The store is lovely.Copy !req
184. You created a wonderful space
to showcase our product line.Copy !req
185. Great job!
Cheers.Copy !req
186. Thank you.Copy !req
187. But there's a reason
we sell our products onlineCopy !req
188. and over the phone.Copy !req
189. Have you ever used Sabre
electronics, Jim?Copy !req
190. They're cheap.
They're unintuitive.Copy !req
191. The Sabre store would work
if we adopted the carnival modelCopy !req
192. of leaving town
once everyone's wise to us.Copy !req
193. Wow, when you put it that way,Copy !req
194. I guess it does sound
pretty terrible.Copy !req
195. I couldn't just kill
the project from the start.Copy !req
196. Jo Bennett endorsed it.Copy !req
197. Shame, though—
I did like Dwight.Copy !req
198. Robert!
I'm gonna win!Copy !req
199. Ha ha, I'm the gentleman!
Suck it!Copy !req
200. Bravo, Dwight.
Very good.Copy !req
201. Shame.Copy !req
202. The math is simple, folks.Copy !req
203. Deeper market penetration,
plus greater visibility,Copy !req
204. - will raise Sabre...
- To the power of two.Copy !req
205. How did that look?Copy !req
206. I'm not just saying this.Copy !req
207. That was the best thing
I've ever seen.Copy !req
208. Told you.Copy !req
209. When you guys do that whole
"power of two" shebang,Copy !req
210. how about I pop up also?Copy !req
211. I guess we'd have to say
"power of three."Copy !req
212. Hmm, actually, you know what?
Yeah! That actually works.Copy !req
213. You'd spin-off right,
I'd spin off—Copy !req
214. You know what?
That is a great idea.Copy !req
215. Cathy, write that down
and print it out.Copy !req
216. It's gonna make some really
good toilet paper.Copy !req
217. All right.
There he is.Copy !req
218. What are you doing here?
I thought I got rid of you.Copy !req
219. Can I just talk to you
for one quick second?Copy !req
220. What, your stylist ran out
of messy spray?Copy !req
221. Um, actually
it's for your own good.Copy !req
222. I think we should—Copy !req
223. You wanna do something
for my own good?Copy !req
224. Turn around,
walk out that door,Copy !req
225. do not stop till you get
to Scranton,Copy !req
226. find my cell phone charger,
mail it back to me,Copy !req
227. and then go to hell!Copy !req
228. Nice!Copy !req
229. Hey, Halpert,
anyone ever tell youCopy !req
230. you look like Wooly Willie?Copy !req
231. Silence.Copy !req
232. I'm just trying—Copy !req
233. I know what you're
trying to do.Copy !req
234. I don't want it.Copy !req
235. But your face does look like
the guy from "Operation."Copy !req
236. It's the same guy.Copy !req
237. - That's the joke I made.
- That's not—Copy !req
238. - Different guy.
- You know what?Copy !req
239. I just think
you should know—Copy !req
240. That you look like
the world's tallest hobbit.Copy !req
241. Well, I tried.
You saw it.Copy !req
242. So it's on the record.
I have a plane to catch.Copy !req
243. Can you help me?Copy !req
244. I'm trying to make
a video chat with Andy.Copy !req
245. Just open the program
and type in his username.Copy !req
246. Can you just do it?Copy !req
247. Here, type in your password.Copy !req
248. Erin123.Copy !req
249. That's a terrible password.Copy !req
250. And you don't "make a video
chat"-- You "video chat."Copy !req
251. All right!Copy !req
252. Hello!Copy !req
253. That's so weird.Copy !req
254. There's something wrong
with my laptop.Copy !req
255. Oh! I fixed it.Copy !req
256. Oh! Now mine's broken.
Hang on.Copy !req
257. Oh, there we go.Copy !req
258. Aghh!Copy !req
259. He said "I did like Dwight"?Copy !req
260. He's gonna fire him.Copy !req
261. No, no, I think it was more
like, you know,Copy !req
262. "I liked him,
but I don't any more,Copy !req
263. 'cause he did a bad job.Copy !req
264. So I'm definitely
gonna yell at him."Copy !req
265. Robert doesn't talk like that.Copy !req
266. You have to stop Dwight
from doing this.Copy !req
267. I tried.
He will not listen.Copy !req
268. Did you actually
try your hardest?Copy !req
269. Yes.Copy !req
270. My pretty hardest.Copy !req
271. Look, you haven't dealt with him
in a while, all right?Copy !req
272. He's like Super Dwight.Copy !req
273. It's like he's been bitten
by a radioactive Dwight or som—Copy !req
274. - Stanley, back me up.
- Don't talk to me.Copy !req
275. Stanley's very upset
that we're leaving Florida.Copy !req
276. But he would back me up.Copy !req
277. If Dwight's about to get fired,Copy !req
278. you have to tell him.Copy !req
279. Just get the words out,
that's all you can do.Copy !req
280. Okay.
All right.Copy !req
281. What's a skinny guy
like Toby know about cookies?Copy !req
282. You can't trust him to
understand the wants and needsCopy !req
283. of the thick man.Copy !req
284. Maybe Toby from two years ago.Copy !req
285. - Yeah.
- That's true.Copy !req
286. If I have a question
about my cookies at midnight,Copy !req
287. who am I gonna call?
Darryl.Copy !req
288. Toby's probably in bed
with some model.Copy !req
289. Thank you.Copy !req
290. I'm not gonna comment
on my personal life.Copy !req
291. Look, I need this.Copy !req
292. Your daughter is
a pretty little girl.Copy !req
293. Let her go door to door.Copy !req
294. You think people are gonna
buy cookies from my...Copy !req
295. Chubby daughter?Copy !req
296. Baby, if you're watching this,
you're not chubby.Copy !req
297. You're beautiful.Copy !req
298. Daddy's just gotta sell
some cookies.Copy !req
299. And we're also gonna
exercise more.Copy !req
300. It's gonna be fun.Copy !req
301. Oh, you know what you have
to do to decide?Copy !req
302. You need to make them
do things for you.Copy !req
303. And, like, buy you things.Copy !req
304. Or have them sing that songCopy !req
305. that the frog does
in Looney Tunes.Copy !req
306. Make them kiss each other.Copy !req
307. Make them kiss me!Copy !req
308. Eww.Copy !req
309. Yes! This is too tan.
This right here.Copy !req
310. - No!
- This is a tan spot.Copy !req
311. I don't buy it.
That is a freckle.Copy !req
312. That is not a tan.Copy !req
313. I'm gonna have to inspect it in
person when you get back here.Copy !req
314. I want you looking
totally puertoriquenaCopy !req
315. when I see you.Copy !req
316. Well, Andy,
I'm not coming back.Copy !req
317. - What?
- I have a job here.Copy !req
318. I work for an old lady.Copy !req
319. Hello!Copy !req
320. Andy?Copy !req
321. Yeah, that's awesome.
That's great.Copy !req
322. This is tough.Copy !req
323. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better
and you dance better.Copy !req
324. But Toby has
that indescribable qualityCopy !req
325. that makes a star.Copy !req
326. I think I've reached
my decision.Copy !req
327. I have decided...Copy !req
328. That you guys are gonna
keep doing things for me.Copy !req
329. No, no, no.
It's not worth it.Copy !req
330. - No.
- No, it's not worth it?Copy !req
331. That's too bad.Copy !req
332. 'Cause I was feeling
particularly hungry this year.Copy !req
333. Yeah, okay, so what—
You'll buy 40 boxes?Copy !req
334. Hungrier.Copy !req
335. 50?Copy !req
336. Hungrier.Copy !req
337. You're not talking...Copy !req
338. Triple digits.Copy !req
339. Oh, yeah, I'm talking
triple digits.Copy !req
340. Again.Copy !req
341. Showtime.Copy !req
342. - Dwight.
- You again?Copy !req
343. Gosh, I keep throwing you away,
you keep flying back.Copy !req
344. You're like
an amish return-stick.Copy !req
345. Okay, great, listen to me.
No, no, I know.Copy !req
346. Will you just let me tell you
one thing, please?Copy !req
347. Yes, you may tell me one thing.Copy !req
348. Great!Copy !req
349. Wait, do you wanna
borrow money?Copy !req
350. Listen to me.Copy !req
351. Robert is going to veto
the Sabre store.Copy !req
352. Jim, come on.Copy !req
353. Dwight, he's gonna kill
the store.Copy !req
354. - Mm-hmm.
- And then I'm pretty sureCopy !req
355. he's gonna fire you for it.Copy !req
356. Wait, he's gonna kill
the store,Copy !req
357. - and he's gonna fire me.
- Yes.Copy !req
358. - That's two things.
- Dwight, please.Copy !req
359. Nice try, Jim.Copy !req
360. Your pranks have never worked
in the past,Copy !req
361. and they're not gonna work
today.Copy !req
362. Okay, first of all,
they've mostly worked.Copy !req
363. You know what, you might
wanna get to the airport.Copy !req
364. It's gonna take you a long time
to get through securityCopy !req
365. with all those beauty products.Copy !req
366. - Bye!
- Dwight, come—Copy !req
367. Nothing is gonna stop me.Copy !req
368. That is the mark
of a great man—Copy !req
369. Unstoppability.Copy !req
370. Dunder Mifflin...
the farm, Mose.Copy !req
371. All those things.Copy !req
372. Vanish in my rearview mirror.Copy !req
373. Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a date with destiny.Copy !req
374. And from what I hear,
she's a— Oh!Copy !req
375. - Help!
- Shut up.Copy !req
376. Oh, gross!
Don't lick my hand!Copy !req
377. God, why is there
so much saliva?Copy !req
378. All I had to do
was think about pie,Copy !req
379. and my salivary glands
did the rest.Copy !req
380. - Nah!
- What, what, what, what?Copy !req
381. - Oh, my appendix.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
382. - My wound hasn't healed yet.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
383. - Oh, man.
- I'm so sorry, I forgot.Copy !req
384. Are you all right?Copy !req
385. Are you okay?Copy !req
386. Dwight!Copy !req
387. Where the hell is he?Copy !req
388. I cannot do this without him.Copy !req
389. I don't know.
He's not picking up.Copy !req
390. Oh, look like shnoot's
a no-show.Copy !req
391. Guess he wasn't Vice President
material after all.Copy !req
392. But I am.
Put me in, babe.Copy !req
393. I've got the info down
backwards, forwards,Copy !req
394. and doggy-style.Copy !req
395. I'm your man.Copy !req
396. Right, let's begin then.Copy !req
397. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
398. allow me to introduce the Vice
President of Sabre retail—Copy !req
399. Mr. Todd Packer.Copy !req
400. 'Sup?Copy !req
401. What are you doing?Copy !req
402. Oh, I'm just dealing
with Erin's stuffCopy !req
403. since apparently
she's not coming backCopy !req
404. and she didn't bother
to tell anyone.Copy !req
405. We knew.
Ryan told us.Copy !req
406. Ryan, why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
407. Thought you checked my Tumblr.Copy !req
408. You never update it.Copy !req
409. Well, I updated it.Copy !req
410. Does anyone else
think this is weird?Copy !req
411. And, like,
kind of uncool, actually?Copy !req
412. To leave us
without a receptionist?Copy !req
413. We'll find another
receptionist.Copy !req
414. I mean, that's easy.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
415. Hup, hup, hup!Copy !req
416. What are you doing?Copy !req
417. - I was trying to go—
- Get up, get up.Copy !req
418. Okay, okay!Copy !req
419. All right?
I'm not gonna let you by.Copy !req
420. Then you know what?Copy !req
421. I'm gonna just have to run
right through you.Copy !req
422. Okay.Copy !req
423. What are you doing?Copy !req
424. Are you really revving up?
You know that doesn't work.Copy !req
425. Jackie chan!Copy !req
426. Go.Copy !req
427. Hi, this is Alex.Copy !req
428. And this is Sam.Copy !req
429. Kevin can't come
to the phone right nowCopy !req
430. because he's busy...
With us.Copy !req
431. Perfect!Copy !req
432. Now people will think
I'm doing hot girls all day.Copy !req
433. I don't know, man, they might
think we're drag queens.Copy !req
434. Yeah, I don't know why
you picked namesCopy !req
435. that are also guys' names.Copy !req
436. Okay, now who do I ride
to the kitchen like a pony?Copy !req
437. Don't make me be your pony,
Kevin.Copy !req
438. - Forget it, man.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
439. I'm out.
So is Toby.Copy !req
440. This may be wrong,Copy !req
441. but there's a limit
to what I would do for my child.Copy !req
442. Yeah, I have my dignity too.Copy !req
443. I refuse to be
another man's horsey.Copy !req
444. No, guys! Stop!
You have to sell me cookies.Copy !req
445. I'll do anything!Copy !req
446. I'm even gonna kiss Meredith.Copy !req
447. That's what—Copy !req
448. That is—
Hmm.Copy !req
449. That's... so good.Copy !req
450. What are you doing?
No!Copy !req
451. - No, no, no!
- This will end now.Copy !req
452. - No! This is dangerous.
- Thunderslam!Copy !req
453. - Arrgh!
- Oh!Copy !req
454. Anything else you need
to talk about?Copy !req
455. Nope.
That was it.Copy !req
456. Once again, it's showtime.Copy !req
457. What baffles me
is how you couldCopy !req
458. take a perfectly good idea,Copy !req
459. which the great Jo Bennett
rightfully signed off on,Copy !req
460. and then utterly botch it
in execution.Copy !req
461. If I may speak to that,Copy !req
462. I have only been Vice President
of this projectCopy !req
463. for the last half hour.Copy !req
464. So the man you want
is Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
465. I don't see Dwight.Copy !req
466. He clearly had
the infinite wisdomCopy !req
467. to stay as far away from
this clown show as possible.Copy !req
468. Whatever you do...Copy !req
469. Do not blame Todd packer.Copy !req
470. It is not his fault.Copy !req
471. Blame his upbringing,
his parents.Copy !req
472. The society that would mold
this idiotic creature.Copy !req
473. Fire the employee, yes.
But not the man.Copy !req
474. You may not cancel his soul.Copy !req
475. That was never on the table.Copy !req
476. Are you kidding?Copy !req
477. She's the queen of the whole
friggin' magilla!Copy !req
478. And yet, Todd,
it's you who's fired.Copy !req
479. What—
I can't get fired.Copy !req
480. I'm an institution.Copy !req
481. I have been at this company
for 20 years.Copy !req
482. How many of you have been here
that long, huh?Copy !req
483. Hey, hey!
They're back.Copy !req
484. Hey! Wait, Dwight,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
485. I thought you were supposed
to be in Florida.Copy !req
486. Yeah, the crazy thing
about thatCopy !req
487. is, um—
Wow, you look great.Copy !req
488. - Did you lose some weight?
- Thank you.Copy !req
489. For someone who actually
notices this.Copy !req
490. No, I didn't lose weight,
but I started using my make upCopy !req
491. to contour my face
to look skinnier.Copy !req
492. Actually I've put on five poundsCopy !req
493. - Hey, good to have you back.
- Good to be back.Copy !req
494. - Hey, stranger!
- Hey!Copy !req
495. - Oh, I missed you.
- I missed you.Copy !req
496. I'm going to Florida to get Erin.Copy !req
497. I forgot to check my email.Copy !req
498. It's crazy, right? It's just,
when she said she was leaving...Copy !req
499. I felt...Copy !req
500. You're about to close four tabs,
are you sure you want to continue? Yes.Copy !req
501. I am sure.Copy !req
502. Ahh! Slow computer!Copy !req